<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Keep the Blinds Open by starsscarmyceiling</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283987">Keep the Blinds Open</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsscarmyceiling/pseuds/starsscarmyceiling'>starsscarmyceiling</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluffly smut, Hurt/Comfort, Neighbors, Rey Needs A Hug, Slow Burn, Thirsty Rey (Star Wars), because when they finally get together they are SO MELTY for each other, ben and rey do briefly date other people, but it's not, but they're trying, call your dentist because your teeth gonna rot out your head, coming this fall to lifetime, deals in overcoming mental health issues, emotional smut, gratuitous gordon ramsay appreciation, holding each other while crying, idiots to lovers, it should be illegal, it will hurt but it will be worth it, just a lot of feelings, like the slowest of slow burns, literal idiots these two, lots of ongst, need I say...CHICKEN FINGERS??, separated by a street, the holy trinity, we got smutty smut, which neither are great at, written by the dumbest bitch this town has ever seen, yup we got it all for you here</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:41:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>232,137</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsscarmyceiling/pseuds/starsscarmyceiling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For just a few moments, she realized the simple tranquility she had with her previous neighbor that she was not attracted to, and how much easier it was to never have to worry about whether or not she was drooling.</p><p>...</p><p>As a mechanical engineer, Rey Kenobi has made a nice living. She has a nice apartment with all of the natural light she could ever ask for, and many, many potted plants to boot. One day, she discovers that her neighbor from across the street is moving, which she really doesn't give much thought to until she sees who has replaced him.</p><p>Oh no he's hot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Rose Tico, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>570</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Ijustfellintothissendhelp</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*waves shyly* Hello, um hi. I am pretty surprised that I am here, posting this. First things first, let me just say that I am like, a brand new Reylo. I know that TROS was like you know awful for all of us, but I do have to say, it converted me. I was never by any means an anti before; I just kind of never got into it, that is until I saw feral Ben Solo running for his lady and the KITH; I was sitting in the theater seat like...OH. OMG I THINK I FINALLY GET IT. THEIR LOVE IS MY LOVE AND THE STARS ARE ALIGNED. Getting into the Reylo fandom has been great. It got me excited about fandoms again. I haven't written fiction in YEARS, but when I saw those two idiots dance across the screen, it like finally inspired me to get back into it, so this is me, dipping my toe. This idea popped into my head one day and I honestly couldn't shake it. Now it has a life of it's own. I really, truly hope you guys enjoy this.</p><p>Just to warn you, this story is like, a super ultra slow burn. Like, Tom Hanks cannot even make a fire right away with this burn. If you're the kind of person who likes to get straight to the action, then I would give this one a pass.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p>
<p>It was the build up of boxes that tipped Rey off one day that the neighbor across the way, ugly half-naked guy, was probably moving. The apartments were just separated by one narrow street below, and they were on the same level. They had pretty much the same set up, having been owned by the same millionaire, probably. Rey could not believe that when she moved into this place that she would have a reference from <em>Friends </em>actually happen to her in her real life, but it was true. She fell in love with this place despite this, not that having ugly half-naked guy as a neighbor really bothered her anyway. He at least wasn’t the <em>full </em>reference as he normally wore bottoms, and Rey certainly was never one to body shame anyone. <em>You live your best life</em>, she would think whenever she would see that hairy, flabby chest meandering around his apartment and picking up whatever various hobbies he would be into. <em>Wow, it really is like </em>Friends.</p>
<p>No, she fell in love with this apartment instantly because of the endless windows across the whole apartment, which let in all of the natural light anyone could ask for. She had also <em>earned </em>this apartment, pulling herself up by her bootstraps, taking no charity or offers from anyone. Going to college, getting her degree, and now having a career as a mechanical engineer. It was hard work, but she loved it. And considering that this apartment was in Los Angeles, well, that made it all the more impressive. She had done her time with shitty apartments in the valley, certainly. Where there would be constant drug deals across the street with less than savory characters, but it was after all, where she had grown up after she had come to the states from the UK. Jumping from foster home to foster home, never really settling down. She swore she had probably gone to almost every school in LAUSD, or so it seemed. This place was hers, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything. Rey was an absolute sucker for any trinkets she could find pretty much anywhere, and she was pretty sure that Finn and Rose were near holding an intervention for her over the amount of house plants she owned. It didn’t matter to her; however, she had herself and her spotted orange tabby Bebe; it was really all she needed.</p>
<p>She remembered the day where she really noticed the boxes as she stared out the window, holding some much-needed tea after a long day at work. Fine, she gave into stereotypes and <em>had </em>to have a cup pretty much everyday after work.</p>
<p>“Huh, I guess ugly half-naked guy is moving,” she observed while holding her cup close to her, blowing on it before she tested a sip of the earl grey she had brewed, “I’m gonna miss that guy.”</p>
<p>She and half-naked guy hadn’t really interacted much, considering they were eye level with one another for two years. Every once in a while, they would make eye contact and the other would exchange a friendly smile. A few months back, there was of course one of those good old southern California earthquakes, and she and him had caught each other’s expressions, and then gave a mutual a shrug when it had blown over quickly. Nothing major as it was definitely something she was used to.</p>
<p>“Wonder who is going to take his place.” Rey pondered as she settled on her dinning room table, which was placed next to the window, of course. She gave herself a moment to wonder, said goodbye to half-naked guy in her mind, and then went to her work on her laptop that she desperately needed to get to. It had been building up, and she really needed to stop procrastinating.</p>
<p>She really didn’t give it much thought after that.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>There were of course, plenty of applicants. Rey had seen copious amounts. A single looking guy here, a nice-looking couple there. Rey was beginning to wonder if there would be some bribery via muffins and laughed to herself.</p>
<p>About three weeks after the boxes started to pile, the apartment was empty, and she was sure that the new tenant would be moving in any day now. A primo apartment like that would never stay vacant, no matter the price.</p>
<p>“Goodbye, ugly half-naked guy!” She said to herself when she saw the place with no life one morning, “hope you have fun wherever you’re going! I would probably skip the moon boots though.”</p>
<p>Humming to herself, she walked out the door and wondered if the new tenant would be there when she got home from work.</p>
<p>They weren’t. It actually took a couple more days before anyone showed up. She was relieved because it was starting to feel eerie; the empty place just sitting there, almost glaring at her. Movers started to bring some fancy-looking modern furniture in, but she never really saw anyone who looked like the tenant and/or tenants. Probably some cool hipster millennials.</p>
<p>It wasn’t until the day after it looked like all of the movers had put in all of the furniture that she saw him. Her new neighbor. Oh, stars.</p>
<p>He was hot.</p>
<p>Like, really really hot. Like so hot that she almost dropped the take out that she was holding hot. It was midday on a Saturday, and there Rey was standing with her greasy Chinese food while hot neighbor boy, yes, that <em>had </em>to be his nickname now, came gracing into the door, carrying a heavy looking box while his biceps strained with the effort in a tight black t-shirt before he placed it on one of the kitchen counters.</p>
<p>“Good Lord, is this guy for real? <em>That’s</em> who my new neighbor is?” Rey said out loud. <em>I look like garbage, oh my God, this is terrible!</em></p>
<p>She began to wonder if she would near constantly have to be aware of her appearance now. <em>Wow, presumptuous much? He literally just walked in, calm down Kenobi!</em></p>
<p>But oh, my was he attractive. He looked tall, judging by how close his head came to the door frame, and built, so obviously built with broad shoulders and a thick—<em>thicc</em>—mid-section. He was an actual semi-truck, and to top it off with just about the most luscious looking glorious black hair cascading past his ears that Rey had ever seen.</p>
<p>For just a few moments, she realized the simple tranquility she had with her previous neighbor that she was not attracted to, and how much easier it was to never have to worry about whether or not she was drooling.</p>
<p><em>You’re a fucking </em>grown <em>woman. Get it together. So he’s hot, so what? Calm down. There are billions of people on this earth, and some of them are bound to be hot. It’s fine.</em></p>
<p>It was certainly not fine though; Rey was discovering as she had to tear her eyes away from him before he noticed. She was turning herself into a creeper already after they had only been neighbors for about two minutes now. Great start.</p>
<p>She ate her dinner without looking back at him as she tried to distract herself with television. Okay maybe she looked like once. Or twice.</p>
<p>Bloody hell, this was going to be awful.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>There didn’t appear to be anyone living with hot neighbor boy, except for his giant black Labrador. Of course. Of <em>course </em>that’s the animal he had. And Rey told herself, she really told herself that his hotness would have lost its novelty if she didn’t have to look at him <em>constantly</em>. With half-naked guy, they at least seemed to operate on a mostly opposite schedule, except for when the bouts of insomnia would hit her, and after a couple of weeks she noticed that hot neighbor boy seemed to have it too.</p>
<p>It also had to do with the little quirks she had picked up on, like how they seemed to have the same <em>exact </em>taste in tv shows and movies. Or how he also like to work at his dining room table too—which was also against the window, enjoying a cup of what appeared to be coffee, in furious concentration. They also had the same affinities for gaming consoles; he had a PlayStation too, which sort of funny because they did have pretty different interests in games. He preferred first person-shooters and she was much more into cinematic games. That didn’t seem like such a big deal, though. She couldn’t even comprehend the amount of times she had gotten into arguments with Finn about the Xbox One vs the PS4. Just play with the console that you like, for goodness sake!</p>
<p>Honesty before, she wouldn’t be constantly reminded that she even had a neighbor, not giving the previous tenant much thought, except for when he would pick up some new interest in the middle of the night.</p>
<p>Now, she would have to see that hot neighbor boy get up around the same time as her, cooking himself an actual breakfast and not just cereal or oatmeal in a bowl. Then he would leave in some amazing looking form fitting suit only to get home around the same time as well, immediately changing into something more comfortable—like she did—and then taking the dog out for a walk.</p>
<p>It’s not that Rey thought it was unfair to have such a hot neighbor, but it was definitely unfair to have such a hot neighbor. He almost never closed the blinds either, which made times like when she nearly had a heart attack from the first time she saw him walking around in a towel, fresh out of the shower, so much more difficult while she was sitting at her kitchen table eating ice cream of all things. She had made a sudden, strange noise from her throat, which made Bebe jump and run away under the couch. And Rey felt <em>ridiculous </em>sitting there with the spoon halfway to her mouth, her frozen heart twitching at the sight of his too ample of a chest. She <em>swore</em> he started moving in slow motion now as Krizz Kaliko’s song “Titties” started looping over and over in her head.</p>
<p>He’d open the refrigerator door, ‘<em>Titaaayyys</em>’</p>
<p>He’d walk over to where his washer and dryer was to take his clothes to his room, ‘<em>Titaaayyysss’</em></p>
<p>He would stand there literally doing <em>anything</em>, ‘<em>Tiittaaa-aaaysss!</em>’</p>
<p>Damn Krizz and his catchy song about breasts. Him and Tech N9ne were going to have to include <em>that </em>rack in their completely over the top tiddie appreciation because <em>damn</em>. Was he <em>trying </em>to give her early-life cardiac issues with that body? Because he certainly seemed like he was, all that ridiculously taught pale skin right up in her face.</p>
<p>This is what predatory straight men must feel like. She thought of stereotypical construction workers ogling any attractive looking girl that came their way, but this was worse because she lived right across the street from him. All the time.</p>
<p>He seemed to be a solitary creature, like herself, safe for the random person here or there. Most of the time it was this Hispanic man with dark wavy hair that would come over, no doubt one of his friends who would share a few beers with him and would watch a football game and then leave. Sometimes Rey wondered if that is who he would be out with on the occasional Friday night when he would be out, coming back very late, to which she of course had to be a witness to. What a loser she was.</p>
<p>For the most part it was just him and the lab, to which she started to be endeared to the way he would give into the dog’s begging of his food when he would eat on the couch. The dog would just have to put its head on his knee a couple of times, and hot neighbor boy would eventually laugh and then present the dog a piece, which would usually result in it jumping up next to him with its prize. Good god, was she a sucker for men that loved animals. And who also looked suspiciously like hot neighbor boys.</p>
<p>She was fine. She definitely did not have a problem.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OH NO HE'S HOT. Poor, thirsty Rey.</p>
<p>I honestly intended this to just be a really long oneshot, but that...is definitely no longer the case. I have a ton of it written out already, so I hope to post pretty regularly!</p>
<p>Also, I apologize for nothing for that overindulgent tiddies scene. Please go give Krizz Kaliko ft. Tech N9ne a listen. I PROMISE you it's worth your time and rereading that scene: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ljVXa6aukY">here</a>!</p>
<p> (Also sorry for the shameless LA setting I was born and raised here and I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, so I officially cannot stare at this chapter anymore, so here it is! It's much longer than the last one 😉</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You okay, Rey? You look like you haven’t been sleeping well.” Rose inquired. They were at their weekly brunch. Most of the time they would try to find new brunch places all around to keep things interesting, and this week it was some place off of Wilshire that had a nice outdoor area filled with plants, which Rey obviously loved. Yet, Rey was just pushing her food around with her fork, which is something she almost never did as she normally be scarfing down whatever was in front of her. Foster kid, force of habit whenever you didn’t know where your next meal was going to come from.</p><p>She drank water from her glass, chewing on the ice that fell into her mouth. If they weren’t going to provide straws anymore unless you asked, she might as well just drink it right from the glass.</p><p>“God you know I hate it when you do that. Makes my skin crawl.” Rose complained, and it was the first time Rey had looked up at her in a couple of minutes.</p><p>Rey had bitten into a particularly large piece, “Sorry,” she swallowed, “what were you saying?”</p><p>Rose appeared to be stunned, “Are you serious Rey? You must be out of it. I have been trying to ask if you’ve been sleeping okay for the last like five minutes. Which, I guess that answers that question.”</p><p>Blushing, Rey tried to disavow Rose’s words and appear normal, taking a gargantuan bite of her now soggy pancake, “What, no I’m fine. What about you? You sleeping fine?”</p><p>Now sporting an incredulous expression, Rose scoffed, “What, am I a stranger now? You going to ask about the weather next and pretend everything’s fine?”</p><p>Rey closed her eyes, burying her face in her hands in her hands for a few moments before she peered back up at Rose, “I’m sorry. Work’s just been very demanding lately. Ackbar’s been on my ass about this new ‘innovative’ refrigerator unit that he’s wanted done since I don’t know, yesterday.”</p><p>Her stress, Rey was happy to report was not entirely hot neighbor boy related, not that that still wasn’t a <em>partial </em>contribution. He’d installed a small punching bag last week and always worked out in the <em>tiniest </em>shorts. Shaking her head, Rey knew did not need to be thinking about that right now.</p><p>No, Rey’s fishman of a boss was definitely the most palpable reason the insomnia had set in again. He meant well, usually looking out for Rey and taking her under his wing, always guiding her from possible mishaps in potential clientele and whatnot. But he also could be demanding, and Rey had been falling behind on this particular build. Again. So much so that it caused her to stop tinkering at her desk at home, which she hated doing because that was her most successful stress reliever.</p><p>Rey picked up her glass and began to munch on another cube. Rose’s eyes grew softer as a result of Rey’s confession, “I’m sorry, honestly. I know you must be stressed if you’re chewing this much.”</p><p>Closing her mouth in a tight line, Rey knew she had been read. It was true. Another habit from her foster days, Rey used to stay up late at night when she was a little girl quite often crying, wondering if her parents were ever actually going to come and rescue her like pretty much every foster child hoped for. She rarely had her own room, and the crying would understandably disturb her roommate, so she had ventured to getting huge cups of ice and chewing instead, figuring it must have been a better alternative. It still did not go over well. It wasn’t until she was with an actual decent family that she was asked by the younger daughter, Kaydel, why she would intermittently cry and chew ice.</p><p>“I miss my parents…I don’t think they’re ever coming back for me.” She admitted quietly in between sobs, thoroughly overwhelmed and feeling weak for stating it out loud. For still needing them.</p><p>Her and Kaydel shared a bunk bed with the other girl on the top. She dipped her head over the edge like she so often did to look at Rey.</p><p>“Oh…” Kaydel said in a small voice. The girl didn’t say anything else and retreated back to her bunk. When Rey got older and inevitably left this family—her choice—she would often think of this moment, and when she was a teenager, she would become angry. Why would this girl, who had a nice parents and a sister that loved her, not comfort her in that very low moment of hers? When Rey had never even admitted it out loud before? Since then, Rey still hadn’t to anyone else ever.</p><p>Though, becoming an adult gave her some perspective. Kaydel was just a child herself, who definitely did not understand the gravity of what Rey had gone though, all of the homes, all of the abuse. There were things the girl did after that night, however, that Rey did have to look back at and appreciate. She started to get a cup of ice too and began to chew with her, up in her own bed or sometimes in Rey’s, even going as far as getting another cup in the middle of the night together—crushed of course— while trying to not wake Kaydel’s parents. She said when she did it with her because it was at least better than <em>listening</em> to Rey’s constant crying or chewing.</p><p>In the sparse bits of contact that Rey still had with Kaydel over the years, she confessed to Rey that she also still chewed ice to this day because of those late nights. Even though she knew it wasn’t the best habit to bestow on someone’s dental health, it gave Rey a certain amount of comfort and nostalgia, despite herself.</p><p>Kaydel was finishing up her PhD to become a clinical psychologist now.</p><p>“Earth to Rey! Hellooo-ooo!” Rose shouted, snapping fingers in her face.</p><p>Rey shook her head once more, soundly taken out of her reverie, “Wow, I totally spaced out there for a moment.”</p><p>“I’ll say,” she responded with a worry line forming on her brow, “you’re really concerning me now—is there anything I can help with? In regards to fishman’s demands at least?”</p><p>Rey smiled, utterly appreciative of her best friend. They had met in grad school as Rose was also aspiring to become a mechanical engineer. They were a huge support system to each other in those times, both academically and emotionally; there was also the instant bond between them since they were the only two girls in not only their cohort, but this was also often the case in their classes in this male dominated field. Lots of all nighter study and crying sessions. With an exorbitant amount of good fortune, they were each able to stay local although they worked for different companies. They would often swap ideas and advice, which was all the more reason why Rey was so grateful for this amazing woman. She very rarely leaned on people, and Rose was definitely one of those people in certain situations.</p><p>Suddenly finding her syrup sodden pancakes very interesting, Rey blinked at them before her eyes met Rose’s kind ones once more, “Yeah, actually. Maybe.”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes and took up her own beverage, which was a mimosa, “You’re ridiculous Kenobi. I am just going to force my help because I know you’re not ever going to ask for it. And I am <em>sure </em>these plans aren’t at work where they are supposed to be, and they are at your apartment.”</p><p>“…I mean, it’s <em>possible </em>they are.”</p><p>“Alright,” Rose concluded after she finished her drink, “it’s official, I am coming over. Like now.”</p><p>Rey felt terrible about taking up Rose’s last day of the weekend, but didn’t want to say it out loud, “Won’t Finn be expecting you?”</p><p>Rose held up a hand, “Pssh, Finn can fend for himself. He’s an adult man child after all. This is more important.”</p><p>It was in moments like these that Rey got too overwhelmed to express how she felt, and the gratitude that swelled within her. She had never properly learned how to, so she often didn’t. It was amazing that she even had one friend, let alone two like Finn and Rose who truly, deeply cared for her. The two had been dating for about three years, but they still managed to balance their relationship without making Rey feel like a third wheel <em>too </em>much.</p><p>Finn was a friend Rey had somehow managed to keep in her undergrad. Finn had literally run into Rey, looking extremely lost and confused at their vast campus. Rey had helped him out with directions, but much to her chagrin at the time, he just followed her around like a lost puppy, somehow browbeating her into a friendship. Good thing he turned out to be a top-drawer companion. It’s not like Rey had a ton in her life, even to this day.</p><p>For a while, Rey thought she and Finn would inevitably start dating, which was all too often expected in female and male friendships. She was fairly certain that Finn had a crush on her at one point, but if he did, he never admitted it to her. She had introduced him and Rose, and they were perfectly amicable to each other. It wasn’t until Rey had to cancel plans last minute—whether it was a put off assignment or chasing after a boy, Rey could not remember—that the two had really hit off and eventually got together. Rey would often say you’re welcome for being a flake and inadvertently playing match maker. They were supposed to be going to some fancy bar downtown, and clearly, they had had a better time without her.</p><p>Rey exasperated and held up her hands in defeat, “Fine, Tico. Fine. You win, okay?”</p><p>“That is what I love to hear!” Rey exclaimed.</p><p>“Yeah, I am sure Finn loves to say that to you to get lucky.”</p><p>Rose narrowed her eyes at her, “You know me so well.”</p><p>They paid for their tab, and they began to make the short walk to the parking structure they met in. It wasn’t Los Angeles without a car and forever searching for parking. Rey didn't know why, but it had only just occurred to Rey that Rose was coming to her apartment. Where hot neighbor boy was. Or, not that he was present; he was just a lot more apparent at that location. Rey hadn’t told anyone about him yet, and unbeknownst to her, it felt strange to Rey to talk about him. He was an issue that Rey was not ready to deal with yet, and when Rose saw him, she knew the girl would have questions. No, that did not seem like how Rey wanted to spend her afternoon.</p><p>“You know what Rose, actually, I think I’m okay. I thought about it and I think I can handle it—”</p><p>“Oh-ho, no. Don’t you think you’re getting out of this! I am coming over to help you and that is final!”</p><p>Rey took a deep breath, knowing that when Rose Tico set her mind to something, very much like herself, she did not change it. It’s not like she could avoid her. The woman had a key so she could water her plants and feed Bebe when she was out of town, anyway. Well, there goes a productive afternoon of looking over refrigerator plans.</p><p>“Ugh, fine fine,” she acquiesced, though she felt that there had to be some warning before Rose was met with such a predicament, so Rey casually tried to fit into the conversation, “I uh…I got a new neighbor.”</p><p>Rose didn’t seem to think much of it, thankfully, “Oh did you? Ugly half-naked guy finally found a tenant! How are we going to going to live our best <em>Friends </em>life now? What are they like?”</p><p>This was dangerous territory now. It was undeniably <em>not </em>a jacked pale god that had great taste in television, if that’s what you were thinking. Again, nonchalance is the key, so Rey shrugged her shoulders, “Just a young single guy. Has a dog.”</p><p>Rey already knew the next question before she asked it, “Is he cute?”</p><p>Were they not mature, educated women? Why was that always the concern? Whether or not Rey often wondered if he was actually sculpted from marble was not the point, “I mean, I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it. He’s not really my type. The dog’s cute though. It’s a black lab.”</p><p>Somehow Rey had made it this far without any suspicion. She contributed it to all the years of covering up her emotions under her belt.</p><p>Rose was obviously distracted by the mention of a dog, “Aww how cute!” she exclaimed as they came up to their cars after climbing the stairs of the structure, “well that’s too bad. I thought you deserved a little eye candy after the previous tenant.”</p><p>Eye candy, that was an understatement. More like eye your teeth are going to rot out if you stare too long, “Hey! I resent that! Ugly half-naked guy I’m sure was very…becoming in his time.”</p><p>She giggled, “Oh right, I forgot that your type <em>was </em>older flabby gentlemen with…various interests that may or may not include late night pogo sticking.”</p><p>Rey was actually able to laugh at this, “See and you know <em>me </em>so well!”</p><p>The girls became a fit of giggles together before Rose spoke up again, “Alright Ms. Half-Naked Guy stan, I’m following you?”</p><p>Nodding, Rey thought this might just work out. Now, if Rose were to become temporarily blind when she walked into her apartment for the whole duration she was there, she might be in the clear, “Yup!”</p><p>They drove the distance to Rey’s apartment with Rose in tow. She and Finn didn’t live too far from here, but in the insightful words of <em>Clueless</em>, everything in LA takes twenty minutes! With no traffic, that is, and that was many times the case. Rey used her clicker to open the underground garage and proceeded into her spot. Rose parked behind her as she had tandem spots, which didn’t get used too often, mostly being utilized by either her or Finn.</p><p>As they rode the elevator up to her third floor apartment, Rey became more and more nervous. Was it getting hot in here? It was summer. Perhaps they were becoming desiccated and weary. They should go out and get some of that coveted hydration. Somewhere, anywhere but where they were heading to in this moment.</p><p>Somehow, they had managed to make it to Rey’s door. Well, it was now or never. She unlocked the door and expected the worst.</p><p>Walking in, Rey had let out a sigh of relief to a hot neighbor boy-less apartment. Thank goodness. Maybe he decided it would be a great idea to leave for the entire day, only to return when Rose leaves. Yes, that is good. Great.</p><p>Without that distraction, she and Rose were actually able to get some work done, to which she made some really great suggestions. She didn’t even realize how much time had passed before Rose got up to stretch, “Yes, I think that could work if you rerouted that compressor to over there.”</p><p>Rey nodded with her brow in deep concentration at her work desk, “Oh my god yes! And that way I can bypass it when the unit gets overheated. What would I do without you?”</p><p>“Oh, you would die for sure,” she said cavalierly, “I’m going to get myself some water. You want some?”</p><p>She felt herself pouring over her task too intensely and waved her off. Why hadn’t she seen it before, “Yeah, yeah thanks.”</p><p>Rose gave a small chuckle before making her way over to Rey’s fridge, seemingly taking more of a break from Rey and sighed deeply. They had some ramen for lunch; it was amazing how fast the time passed when your brain was slowly being replaced by the wires of the plans you were staring endlessly at.</p><p>There were a few moments when Rey hadn’t realized what was going on behind her, too focused on moving just another unit; <em>yes, that works much better there</em>, she thought.</p><p>“Oh…my…God. Rey! What the fuck?!”</p><p>It honestly didn’t even occur to her in that moment what Rose could be reacting to, so she twisted to face her, “What?”</p><p>Rose was staring out the window, and Rey comprehend what her attention was locked on as her gaze followed hers. Oh. No.</p><p>There he was. Hot neighbor boy, wearing a sleeveless shirt showing off those arms Rey wasn’t at all mad at and basketball shorts, unhooking his dog from its leash, clearly being fine with being licked in the face. He proceeded to rile the dog up by pretending to stop and start moving at the pooch before he went to the kitchen to probably get some dog treats if Rey guessed correctly. She did.</p><p>“You were holding out on me!” She exclaimed, giving her an offended expression, “<em>that </em>guy is <em>hot </em>and you know it!”</p><p>Deflecting, Rey was good at that. An expert, really, “Is he?” she questioned, trying to defer back to her task, “I hadn’t really noticed.” It was a real shame that temporary blindness hadn’t kicked in like Rey was miraculously was hoping for.</p><p>She felt Rose’s eyes on the back of her skull, “Bull<em>shit</em>! You little liar!”</p><p>And just because the universe hates her, Rey stole a glance in that direction and saw that he had emerged from his room shirtless, moving to his fridge to quench himself in the most attractive of ways, pouring water down his throat like he had just come back from a week in the desert. Why. Why did everything have to be so cruel?</p><p>Rey scrunched up her face and turned to Rose, “I mean I guess he could be considered attractive. If you’re into that sort of thing.”</p><p>Rose’s jaw dropped open, “If you’re into that—<em>Rey</em>! It looks like he was photoshopped. And he loves dogs!? You can’t be serious.”</p><p>Bebe chose this moment to jump up onto her desk and plop himself in the middle of her work like he so often did. She stared into the cat’s eyes.</p><p><em>Any saving graces for me? </em>She thought at the feline, hoping for some interspecies telekinetic communication. He merely started to lick one of his paws.</p><p>“Oh my god.” Rose started. Rey could <em>feel </em>the gears clicking in her head.</p><p>Useless animal.</p><p>“I see what’s going on here…you’re deflecting! When you’ve really got a crush on your hot new neighbor!”</p><p>Rey snorted, still not meeting her glare, “Yeah, right. Like I would find those…” she for some reason thought it was a good idea to glance back over. He was getting the dog to jump up on his chest by pounding on it. Her heart lurched, “…abs…”</p><p>Rose remained indignant, “Do I need to get you a bib to wipe up all that drool?”</p><p>She finally looked at Rose again, “Huh?”</p><p>“You couldn’t even form a complete sentence! Come on Rey!”</p><p>Blushing, Rey kept her eyes on her lap. And because she truly was an idiot, instead of facing Rose again she watched what was in front of her. He had pulled some kind of meat out of the fridge as he placed it on the counter, and in that instant, his eyes met hers. It was the first time they had ever actually made eye contact, and Rey felt something strange in her chest as the fleeting moment passed and he retreated into his room, closing the door.</p><p>She bit her lip, eyes finding the floor once more. There was no point in posturing to Rose anymore. The secret was out. Rey’s new neighbor was hot and she didn’t know what to do about it.</p><p>Putting on a brave face, she was ready for Rose to confront her, “Okay.”</p><p>“Okay, what?”</p><p>Standing, she held up her hands, “Okay, I might have a <em>slight</em> appreciation for his…physique, but that’s it. It’s…nice to see someone care about their physical health so much.”</p><p>“And that’s it? Nothing more than just a physical attraction?”</p><p>Rey tried to stay strong, she really did, “Well yeah, of course. And I mean, he does have pretty good taste in various media.”</p><p>“Uh—huh…”</p><p>“I mean, we have <em>some </em>similar interests. It’s not a big deal though. Tv shows, movies, and gaming consoles, but really that’s it. His caliber for videogames could use some work though, I mean it’s great he’s a PlayStation person, but he likes first person shooters, and you know I don’t like those too much—”</p><p>“Rey.”</p><p>It was like word vomit; she couldn’t stop, “And he may be just the slightest bit endearing with his dog, who he shares his food with—”</p><p>“Rey!”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“There is no <em>way </em>this guy just moved in and you’ve already discovered this much! How long has he actually been living here?”</p><p>“I don’t know, like two months?”</p><p>“And you didn’t tell me?!” Rose’s voice raised several octaves and her hurt countenance finally broke Rey.</p><p>“No, okay? I didn’t! I didn’t tell you because I don’t know what to do with this! He’s good looking, a good chef, and likes all the same things as me, and he just is so—ugh!”</p><p>The harsh lines of Rose’s face finally let up, “Oh, Rey,” she said softly, sitting on the couch and patted the spot next to her. She conceded immediately, seeking the comfort.</p><p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”</p><p>She squeezed her thigh, “It’s okay. If I were in love with my sexy neighbor, I would probably be embarrassed to.”</p><p>Rey’s defenses shot up immediately, “I am not in <em>love </em>with him, and—he has a name!”</p><p>Grinning slyly at her, Rose could eat shit with it, “And what’s that?”</p><p>How could she let that one slip? Rey was frustrated with herself, but she was already in this deep; she might as well go for the plunge, so she crossed her arms, “Hot neighbor boy, obviously.”</p><p>“Well, I think that is a <em>very </em>fitting name for him.”</p><p>Rey raised one of her hands from her chest, “Clearly.”</p><p>Rose had a pensive visage for a few moments, “Mrs. Hot Neighbor Boy. Has a nice ring to it.”</p><p>Finally feeling the joviality of the situation, Rey shoved her shoulder, “Shut up!” she insisted, adjusting herself in her seat, “you really think so?” She played along.</p><p>“Yes, I can see it now! You, walking down the aisle, in a gorgeous gown, and he, with no shirt on, confesses his vows to you as the whole crowd cheers.”</p><p>She hated herself for liking the sound of that.</p><p>“<em>Anyway</em>…no Rose, it’s fine. It’s just a little crush. I’ll get over it.”</p><p>Rose’s concerns were back, “Are you sure?”</p><p>With everything out there, she was able to cover her emotions right back up again. She could even believe it, “Yes! We have to like, live next to each other for however long, and we have to you know, be okay with it.”</p><p>Rose snorted, “I think you should just go over there and bang him and get it over with.”</p><p>She really wished her blush was not showing, “Rose! Oh my god I am not going to do that.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Why not? You’re seeming to not realize how crazy that seems first of all, and I’m not just going to go and throw myself at him!”</p><p>A brow shot up Rose’s forehead, “You’re seeming to forget how simple men are. If you’ve noticed how hot he is, I am <em>sure </em>he’s noticed how gorgeous you are. So that leads me to believe if you just went over there, he would be down.”</p><p>It was Rey’s turn to snort, “Hardly! The first time he walked in I was carrying takeout, which by the way I have never seen him eat, and I was in my gross sweatpants with greasy hair. I am so convinced he is down to pounce.”</p><p>“You sell yourself too short! Hot neighbor boy would be so lucky that you would even give him the time of day, even in your gross sweatpants.”</p><p>Rey just rolled her eyes. On the inside, however, her heart lurched again. God, she could do this.</p><p>After a few more exchanges back and forth, Rose finally seemed to drop the subject, and the two were able to move on, even getting a few more passes at Rey’s plans.</p><p>“God, I don’t know why, but I just hate refrigerator units for some reason,” Rose complained before pulling out her phone to check her screen. She unlocked it, tapping away at it, “that’s Finn, of course, wondering if I’ll be home for dinner.”</p><p>“Aww, he misses you,” Rey teased, pinching her cheek, “I guess you should probably get going.”</p><p>Rose agreed and commenced to gather her stuff. Soon she was at the door, getting ready to leave before she paused, studying Rey for a few moments, “You gonna be okay?”</p><p>Rey knew this look from her. She had seen it many times over the years, whether it be her worrying over Rey for working herself too hard, or over a stupid boy here and there. This time was no different.</p><p>“Yes, I’ll be fine,” Rey reassured her, giving her a hug, and pulled away, “really.”</p><p>“Okay. Well, give me a call when the wedding is, alright?”</p><p>She practically shoved Rose out the door, “And you just snarked your way out of maid of honor!”</p><p>Closing it after her, Rey sighed, standing there for a bit before she decided that she should probably get some dinner herself. Without even really thinking about it, she started to grab some random things out of the fridge and started throwing things together in a pot. She was making spaghetti she guessed. In the middle of it, she realized she hadn’t stolen a glance in a while.</p><p>He was cleaning up dishes and putting them in the dishwasher with another black t shirt and grey sweat shorts. In some strange way, watching him do mundane things like this seemed odd. And then all of a sudden, she thought it shouldn’t be, really. He was just a person after all, a very attractive person, but a person nonetheless. He was just trying to pass through the capriciousness of life like she was. It wasn’t fair to be putting him on this pedestal because he had visible abs, perfectly tousled hair, and an adorable dog.</p><p>With that thought, she was able to pull her eyes away from him and went back to her task of chopping up some garlic. She had lived through far worse things than being in such close proximity to a man that constantly reminded her that she had lady parts that were being oh so ignored.</p><p>Bebe hoped up on the counter, titling his head, “Oh, I suppose you want to be fed too, huh?”</p><p>He meowed at her, seemingly in agreement, so she put the sauce on simmer, and moved toward to the cupboard that held his food. She spooned it into his bowl that was on the counter and watched him start to devour the turkey dinner. So much like his mama. Giving him a couple strokes while he ravenously ate, she sighed, “Sorry mom lost her head there for a minute there, buddy. I think I’m finally coming to my senses, though. The hot boy spell couldn’t last forever.”</p><p>She resolved as she watched him sit on the couch with his laptop, the dog immediately getting up next to him and resting its head in his lap. He shook his head and let it stay there, still having plenty of leg to rest the computer on.</p><p>“Yes, I think I’ll be fine.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all are staying safe out there! 💕💕💕</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It seemed like with her mind clearer in a place, Rey was finally to see what life with a hot neighbor was actually going to be like long term. Certainly, he was still ridiculously handsome, but she was subsequently starting to see the person under those striking features, which was a relief because she was starting to feel like just straight up getting some binoculars to steal closer look was not going to bode well, and getting a telescope was not going to fly under the radar either as there were like four stars in the sky in this part of the city.</p><p>It felt bizarre to think it, but they seemed to have settled into routine together, their lives becoming more and more analogous. Rey was actually kind of thankful for it because it would remind her of certain practices. It was all initiated one early evening when they had both gotten home work. She was tinkering with her latest project for what felt like <em>hours</em>, and when she happened to glance over at his apartment, he was watching the latest episode of <em>It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia</em>.</p><p>“Huh.” She said to herself.</p><p>Seeing him sitting there ostensibly unconcerned, just enjoying television made her stop what she was doing. Before being cognizant of this moment, she understood in the back of her mind that she was neighbors with someone with a similar schedule to hers, but now she was really thinking about what that meant and what that meant to indefinitely cohabitate. His life was being projected before her eyes, and once again, yes, he was hot, but this clarity reminded her of the evening when she watched him doing the dishes while she made spaghetti. This was yet another reminder of that he was not just some being sculpted to perfection for her enjoyment.</p><p>“So now we’re just going to be neighbors. Okay.”</p><p>Rey didn’t know if it was unsettling or not that she could list his habits when he got home without really giving much thought to it. After he walked his dog, he would start something for dinner, unless he went out for a run, then he would take a shower first, and be wearing his <em>stupid towel</em> while he selected food out of his fridge. Then he would make some kind of delicious looking meal, consume said meal while either watching tv or worked on his laptop at the table, and then immediately clean all of the dishes from dinner. It’s not like this was a remarkable schedule, but it was his. Then again, his nighttime, weekend, and insomnia routines were different in their own ways, too.</p><p>Well, she felt entirely like a stalker now. It wasn’t even Rey’s <em>intent </em>to memorize all of this, but now it was etched into brain as much as her own behaviors were. How did she get here?</p><p>At the very least, it was in this moment that she began to comprehend how she was going to be able to do this, be neighbors with hot neighbor boy. She sighed and ceased her work at her desk. Her eyes were going to fall out after staring at these same gears over and over again. Her fingers ached and seeing him catching up on tv shows did make her reflect on her own work ethic. She needed a break. Ackbar could wait.</p><p>It came to be when she would do yoga, sometimes she would look over and would see him start to punch the bag, almost like she was encouraging him to get a work out in. Not that he really needed it. Boy looked like he had never missed one in his life.</p><p>These little routines here and there, where she would squint up from her tea late at night with the lights off, safe for her computer screen, would comfort her in some strange way as she would watch him pour himself another cup of coffee, returning to his work as well. The only thing that would really stick with her about all of this is she wondered what he made of it. It didn’t matter, really. He again, was just going through his own rotes as she did hers. If this was going to be how it was, Rey could honestly live with it.</p><p>One Saturday afternoon, she had just returned home from her brunch with Rose, and she would not stop badgering her about hot neighbor boy. It was getting a little frustrating, and not to mention demeaning to her, that Rose somehow believed that she just could not control herself around him.</p><p>“What am I supposed to do, move out because my neighbor just happens to be good looking?” She asked accusingly, “I am a grown woman for god’s sake!”</p><p>Rose dropped it after she heard the seriousness in her tone.</p><p>She went to her fridge and decided that some grapes sounded delightful at the moment. Popping some in her mouth, she glanced at hot neighbor boy, mostly because she caught him coming out of his room, sporting some jeans and a button up. Okay, yeah, she had calmed down, but she couldn’t deny that he really could fill out those pants. She shrugged and went to turn on her PS4, delaying her work that she really had to get done just a little longer. She really didn’t think she could handle staring at those plans any longer, and besides, catching up with Kratos and the gang seemed a lot more pressing at the moment. Plopping down on the couch, she realized she forgot her grapes on the kitchen counter. Movement caught her eye in hot neighbor boy’s apartment while she got up to retrieve them. He had gone over to the front door, and opened it to an extremely regal looking woman. The two exchanged a quick embrace, and he motioned for her to come in. She carried herself so elegantly; it was impressive. Glancing around the apartment, she turned to hot neighbor boy’s call and nodded. It looked like he was offering her some kind of refreshment, which appeared to be whipping up some tea. Her kind of woman.</p><p>She figured this woman was probably his mother, and the implications of this for some reason struck a chord in Rey. No doubt, the whole mom thing always did because she was a freaking orphan, but there was something else. She should have figured that he <em>had </em>a mother. It’s not like he materialized out of thin air or was made up in some, hot boy factory. Suddenly having the urge to make some tea of her own, she left the two alone. Throughout the course of the afternoon, every once in a while, she would look over, only because the woman just seemed so intriguing to Rey. She figured it had to do with the novelty of someone having a mother. They sat at the dining table for a long time, and they appeared to be having a bit of a tense conversation as he was gesturing sharply with his arms and she was letting him go off.</p><p>Rey found it was probably about time she turned to her work. This Valkyrie was driving her crazy anyway. She put on her overalls and started to tinker at her work desk for a while.</p><p>Eventually when Rey allowed herself to check on them, it seemed that the two had made up and he was starting to make dinner. He was chopping up something orange—probably carrots, but she waved him aside and took it up herself. He threw up his hands and turned to another task. Her stomach hadn’t flipped from something he had done since they had settled in their routines. <em>Oh no, nope. Don’t go down that road again Rey, look away. So what he has a mother. Everyone has one. Well, except you.</em></p><p>Rey blasted her music even louder and decided that while she wouldn’t look over at them anymore, it did seem belittling to just refer him to hot neighbor boy. It wasn’t fair. He clearly had other qualities. He fought with his mother and then cooked dinner with her. She sighed deeply, trying to pull herself away from what was their business.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“So…how’s hot neighbor boy?”</p><p>Rey looked at Finn from her seat, bulging an eye over the magazine she was reading.</p><p>“Oh, not this again,” she said as she dropped the magazine to her lap, “why is that the only sodding thing anyone can focus on anymore?”</p><p>She and Finn were getting pedicures, a normal thing for them. Although Rey could seldom have her nails done with her job, she often thought of her toes being treated with much more care as her vice. Finn just kind of started to do it with her in college when he would ask where she was going. She had to give it to him that he never cared about the stares he would get by older women of this cheery young black gentleman utterly enjoying himself in the chair next to them.</p><p>“Why is getting your feet lavished supposed to be gendered? Sounds good to me!” He would say.</p><p>Now she wished she hadn’t even hold him she was going in. Rey was quickly regretting it.</p><p>“Because, from what I hear, he is quite the snack, and when was the last time you got laid anyway?”</p><p>“Ugh, not you too!” she exasperated as she tried to burn holes in Leonardo DiCaprio’s face. The stars are <em>not </em>just like us! <em>I bet Leo doesn’t get constantly pestered by his friends about hot neighbor boys</em>, “I am not going over there to shag him, okay?”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” Finn said, seemingly conceding, “but you should.” He emphasized by pointing at her.</p><p>“Why is my sex life <em>such </em>a concern to you and Rose? I get along just fine!”</p><p>He gestured his head vehemently at her, “Really?”</p><p>Rey then tried to burn holes in that expression as well, “Yes!”</p><p>“We’re really not trying to be assholes about it—”</p><p>“Which you both are.”</p><p>“Right,” he admitted, “forgive us, but we’re just excited for you!”</p><p>“You’re excited that my neighbor is attractive?”</p><p>Finn gave a dubious expression, “Not exactly how I would put it, but in a way, I guess.”</p><p>Rey started to fidget with the pages of the magazine in her lap and sighed, “Blimey, I am going to regret asking you what you mean by that, aren’t I?”</p><p>He smiled at her before he turned to look at the woman who was putting his feet in the water, “It’s just that, I don’t even remember the last time you even mentioned any serious interest in a guy, okay? What was it, that Adam guy? And that was literally years ago! I understand that it’s not and shouldn’t always be your biggest concern, but come on Rey! Get some!”</p><p>Rey was sincerely not trying to get angry at Finn’s approach, it did seem like he was coming from the right place, but it was still so frustrating, “Finn, he’s just my neighbor, okay? And yes, I do find him to be…aesthetically pleasing, but that’s it, okay? And I don’t need a guy in my life anyway to be fulfilled!”</p><p>“I know that Rey! You know I am a feminist and all that yaaas queen stuff, <em>but </em>Rose said you seemed absolutely smitten.”</p><p>“She did not!”</p><p>“Head over heels!”</p><p>“Why? Because I like the way he fills out a t shirt?” Rey asked, her eyes drifting away from Finn to the stock looking 80s artwork on the wall, “Or that I like how he always seems to cook extra food for his dog? Or that he always carefully folds his napkin over his lap before he eats?”</p><p>“Oh no, not enamored at all.”</p><p>“Ugh, it is just a crush, Finn! I will get over it!”</p><p>She opened the magazine once more and shoved it in her face, hoping to extinguish this conversation and concentrate on why exactly the stars <em>were </em>just like us.</p><p>“Rey, can I ask you something?” The sincerity in Finn’s voice gave her real pause.</p><p>She lowered the celebrities being judged on who wore it better from her nose and sighed, “What?”</p><p>“All jokes aside, why would it be such a bad thing if you had a real connection with this guy?”</p><p>Since he was giving her genuineness, she thought it would be fair if she gave him some back, “I don’t know. You know I’m not—good with this stuff. It…scares me. Just thinking someone is attractive one thing, but it’s a whole other thing to see someone’s life in front of your eyes. I’m trying not to let it get to me.”</p><p>“You two do have quite the predicament, I’ll give you that.”</p><p>Rey knitted her eyebrows at him, “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Mutually pining one another from across the street and being too stubborn to just go over and say hi.”</p><p>“What,” Rey said indignantly, “you don’t know if he’s pining for me.”</p><p>“Maybe so,” Finn stated matter of factly, “but all I am saying is that if I’m some tall buff white dude with a pretty girl living across from me, I am <em>going</em> to notice. Come on, Rose and I figured this out on like, the first night of hanging out with each other.”</p><p>“Easy for you to say,” Rey said eyeing him harshly, “you two weren’t separated by a street.”</p><p>“Ah! Oh no, not the ever impossible to cross street! They should really stop putting those around LA.”</p><p>“You don’t know what I would have to go through to cross that thing! I could get caught jaywalking. I can’t take the risk.”</p><p>Finn raised a hand, “Oh yes, of course. Then by all means, continue to admire hot neighbor boy from afar. I completely understand,“ he contended, and Rey thought he seemed satisfied with leaving at that, but he continued his ridiculous monologue, “such a tragic love story. I cannot wait to see the Lifetime movie based on you guys,” he emphasized with motioning his hand from left to right with an impersonation of a movie preview voice, “<em>Separated By a Street</em>, coming this fall: two lovers can’t seem to overcome what it takes to be together…can they, <em>will </em>they be able to figure out how to,” he waved his head wildly, “<em>cross…the…street?</em>!”</p><p>“Can you just shut that horrible thing you call a mouth?”</p><p>They met eyes and laughed. Rey was relieved that there was at least some lightness to this conversation.</p><p>“All I am saying Rey, and then I promise I will drop it,” he looked to the woman massaging his foot and groaned, “oh my god that feels amazing,” Rey glared at him, “sorry…all I am saying is that I think you should do some self-reflecting and figure out <em>why</em> it is you keep every guy at an arm’s length. Or in this case, a street’s length.”</p><p>Rey told herself that Finn wasn’t right as she stared at the woman who was painting green onto her toes. She really did.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rey had been rewatching <em>10 Things I Hate About you</em>, she was admittedly on a 90s rom com kick, for what seemed like the millionth time while she sat on her couch with computer in her lap, engrossed on her task of answering all of her emails—which was one of her least favorite activities—when her stomach rumbled. Listening to it and relenting, she remembered she hadn’t eaten since she had gotten home from work. <em>Eating, right.</em></p><p>She traversed her way to the kitchen and turned the lights on. Opening her pantry, she sighed at the options, not at all feeling like making anything elaborate, not that she ever did that anyway, as her eyes settled on those ever present noodles that always found their way into her cabinet.</p><p>“You’ve convinced me, ramen it is.”</p><p>Feeding Bebe while the water began to boil, she couldn’t help herself when she glimpsed over at him. He was sautéing something in a pan and she almost had to laugh at how different their eating habits were. Her cheeks felt hot as she recalled him cooking with his mother. They shared a meal that made her mouth water, and she had suddenly wished she understood more about mother son relationships. Obviously, his cooking skills had stemmed from her. Ever so briefly, she imagined what it would be like to be there with him, eating his food and laughing with him, poking fun at him for always having to do the dishes immediately after he was done eating. What would it be like if you could just be able to feed yourself in such a way?</p><p>She tore her eyes from him and went to put the noodles in the water, sighing. Rey supposed she would never know. It's not like she could possibly learn how to cook now, and she highly doubted she would ever find anyone willing to do it for her.</p><p>Growing up, food hadn’t always been a constant. She hadn’t really formed a great relationship with it, and eventually it just became something she needed for sustenance as a means to go on the next day. Sometimes she had to get creative with how she fed herself. Sneaking extra food from the table or taking food off the top of the trash at school that still looked perfectly edible. She had grown used to the stares and the ridicule; at the end of the day, a girl still had to eat.</p><p>When she got older, the quality of the food she ate hadn’t changed much, but when she had enough money to be able to pay for it herself, it was like discovering the concept of it all over again. She couldn’t stop, simply because she had the ability to properly feed herself. Now, her appetite was quite something, eating anything and everything that was put in front of her face. She will never forget the feeling of being totally and wholly satiated on a regular basis.</p><p>As she stirred the noodles, she had this odd feeling like she was being watched, so she brought her focus over to him. It was that moment where you know someone was just looking at you, but the other person looked away just before you could catch them. Not only was Rey surprised that he was observing her, but she was equally as shocked that he appeared to be trying to suppress a smile.</p><p>She glanced down at her makings of a meal and then back to his.</p><p>Was he…<em>mocking </em>her? For eating ramen? Admittedly again for the second time this week?</p><p>It was jarring to her that she didn’t know if she should be offended because she did not understand the context of his mockery, whether it was good natured or not.</p><p>“Oh, well I am <em>so sorry</em>, Gordon Ramsay! Not all of us were born from elegant mothers with immaculate cooking skills!” She shouted into the empty air of her apartment.</p><p>Turning the burner off on her stove, she continued to mutter to herself while she finished all of the necessary steps to feed herself.</p><p>“Stupid, ripped, health obsessed neighbors, judging you from a far. Utterly <em>ridiculous</em>…ought to mind your own business.”</p><p>Idiot. He was an idiot. She had never even spoken a word to the man, but she knew he was an idiot.</p><p>They both ate at their tables while Rey finished up her emails, and she didn’t dare let her gaze drift back to him because she thought if she had and their eyes met, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from glaring at him and then ultimately breaking down and smiling.</p><p>It was something she rarely did, but she felt strangely inspired to clean up her meal and tidy up her kitchen after dinner.</p><p>She went to bed that night still thinking about that almost smile. What was that supposed to be? It frustrated her to no end, and then she realized that she was probably looking too far into it. He may have been thinking of something completely different, perhaps something that had happened to him earlier that day, and he just so happened to be staring off into her direction. Yes, it had to be something like that. Right? It was terrible of her to just assume that everything was about her anyway.</p><p>Dear Lord, this was just a stupid physical attraction to her neighbor; she was <em>not </em>supposed to be analyzing their transitory interactions to such a degree. She had to stop, so she turned on the tv in her room for a distraction as she willed herself to sleep.</p><p>There definitely were no raven haired boys making meals in her dreams, either.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry for the later update. As you can imagine, the insane state of the world right now made it a little difficult to concentrate, and I always want to make sure to give you the best updates as possible. I really have mapped out where I want this story to go, and so I have really been taking my time when I am editing these chapters. Thank you so much for reading! Again, I really hope you guys are staying safe and healthy out there. I was amazed that anyone was wanting to read this, so I am so thankful for the steady rise in hits, kudos, and comments. I give you my love in return 🥰🥰🥰</p><p>Ugh, I have such plans for these two. Just you wait.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Some months had passed by, and her heady crush had abated even more. It had gotten to the point where she wasn’t even surprised at him galivanting around in his tiny boxing shorts, a marvel still, but likewise, she finally started to care less and less what she looked like around him too. Yeah, she ate takeout sometimes and wore oversized hoodies and no pants around the house? So what? She didn’t need to shower <em>every day. </em>So she ate the tops of her muffins—because she did <em>not</em> like the bottoms—or her normal cereal in the morning in peace while he often looked like he was trying out for <em>Masterchef </em>or at the very least a job at IHOP with all the elaborate breakfasts he would make.</p><p>She had taken to calling him B in her head. It seemed rather rudimentary to just refer him as that considering it was like the equivalent to B <em>as in Boy</em>, but for some reason it just stuck in her head and it seemed right to her. And it was more dignified than the former nickname.</p><p>Then there they were. He would have his friend over, and sometimes they would play some videogame or would watch a sports event, and she would have Finn, Rose, or both over, and even they had calmed down about it. Though, she still hadn’t told them her new nickname for him.</p><p>Sometimes she would go home on her lunch break, and he wouldn’t be there, obviously, not with his job at the suit gallery for all she knew, and she really got to look at his dwelling without the worry of him noticing her staring.</p><p>He was neat, but she knew that already. A lot neater than her, but there was more than that. A giant bookshelf lined one of the walls that she had never really taken the time to examine. It would have been strange if she had when he was there, certainly. Rey couldn’t really make out any titles—this is where those binoculars would have come in handy besides trying to confirm what his eye color actually was, but there were some familiar looking spines here and there.</p><p>
  <em>Harry Potter? Oh, you nerd.</em>
</p><p>It made her smile to view his still life like this. It felt nice before she felt a contemptuous guiltiness at herself. Because it didn’t really matter either way if she knew what house he was in or whether he had the complete works of L. Ron Hubbard in there. She came to her senses and turned away with her tea cup, glad that the dog walker who came by hadn’t caught her gawking. Rey imagined that conversation and cringed.</p><p>‘Yes, B, I walked your dog, but your weird neighbor girl would not stop staring at your shit. Fucking creepy, right?’</p><p>She was just starting to feel normal around him, so Rey did not need to have<em> that</em> on her conscious.</p><p>One day, seemingly out of nowhere, she was on her laptop and an email came into her inbox that made her wretch.</p><p>Palpatine, Sheev.</p><p>She deleted it immediately without even looking at the subject line.</p><p>It was her grandfather again, in which her relationship with him was nonexistent these days <em>at best</em>. Every few years he would try to reach out to her like this, and it was always the same thing. Rey had thought she had grown a thick skin for it, but it seemed to hit her in a more devastating way this time. Maybe it was because she had just had Finn and Rose over for dinner, and she had stolen a private moment when she had turned to get the rest of the food from the kitchen. The two had exchanged this knowing glance that made Rose giggle, and he kissed her temple gently. Or maybe it was her evanescent thoughts of B cooking dinner with his mother. He had undoubtedly learned his skills from her as the two seemed to dance in the kitchen together. Albeit, a little rocky at times, but the love was apparent.</p><p>Yes, typically the constant reminder that she was alone did not bother her anymore, but right now at this moment, she was disgusted with herself, and she was disgusted with <em>him</em>. The one person who was technically her blood, and she couldn’t bring herself to imagine that that was even a true fact.</p><p>She launched herself from the table. The angry tears were flooding down her cheeks before she could stop them, and she took a deep, raggedy breath.</p><p>“You don’t get to do this to me anymore old man!” She shouted at her computer as if it were the offending relative. Rey held a hand up to her face and turned suddenly, not even wanting to look at the screen anymore.</p><p>B had been working on his own laptop on the couch and for some reason, she did not know why because she was not facing him, but she somehow <em>knew </em>he was staring at her. Her shoulders heaved as she tried to hold it together. He had probably seen her look completely unhinged, shouting at her computer like that, but it really didn’t matter. His eyes were boring into her back, for what felt like the first time. Not that he hadn’t ever looked at her, she was sure he had caught a glance here and there, but this was the only time she couldn’t stand it, and it felt like forever as she stood there motionless.</p><p>She was somehow able to retreat to her couch before breaking down entirely, luckily out of his view. Curling into a ball, she began to sob for real this time.</p><p>Rey had no idea how long she had done it for, and it was times like these where she wished she had the acrimony to reach out to anyone. Nonetheless, Rey knew herself, and she knew she wouldn’t. Even if she wanted to in the moment, she thought it would pass once she was able to pick herself back up.</p><p>The sun had set before she finally moved from her spot. It was dark in her apartment, and B had moved from the couch and out of sight. Good. No more staring.</p><p>Rey made it to her room, stumbling onto her bed with shaky breaths. She continued to cry in her bed, and she had never felt more alone.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Rey, are you going to draw up those plans I asked for?” Ackbar asked above her. She looked up from her work. He was in a mood today; his fish eyes were particularly…bulbous today. Having worked here for so long, Rey knew when he was the no bullshit boss.</p><p>“I gave them to Sheila already.”</p><p>Relief spread across his features, “Oh, that assistant of mine, I’m sorry! She must have missed them on that mess she considers a desk.”</p><p>Rey just gave a smile and a nod, turning back to her work.</p><p>“So, when are you going to go out with my nephew?”</p><p>It took all of her willpower to not give a gargantuan sigh. This again, “I’ve told you that I don’t have any time to date right now.”</p><p>She definitely hadn’t binged watched an entire season of <em>The Office </em>yesterday. It even made her feel a little pathetic considering B was being much more productive, glued to his laptop doing, something; his eyes straining so much that she was <em>almost </em>tempted to pull a Taylor Swift “You Belong With Me” or the much more dated reference, <em>Drive me Crazy</em>, and write up a sign in sharpie to tell him to ‘TAKE A BREAK FOR GOD’S SAKE. YOU’RE MAKING <span class="u">MY</span> EYES HURT.’ Only, she knew she wasn’t going to do that because at the end of the day, her life was not a country song or a 90s rom com. If only. She had all of the right set up for it and none of the impudence to actually be the Melissa Joan Hart to his Adrian Grenier. And really, she certainly could have gone for a ‘grow up together and start fake dating only to realize one another’s feelings’ trope in her life.</p><p>It looked like Ackbar, ironically enough, had a hook stuck in his mouth as he was contemplating what he was going to say, “You never do! I just think you just need to give him a chance. Nathan is a very nice boy, is gainfully employed as a dentist, and is single! If you don’t like him, it’s not that big of a deal!”</p><p>Rey didn’t even <em>want </em>to think about the repercussions of going out with her boss’ nephew and it not working out, having to face him. She relented and nodded at him, “I’ll think about it.”</p><p>“That’s more like it!” He said, apologized again for the report mishap, and walked off to his office, surely to have a stern word with Shelia about her organizational skills.</p><p>“Are you really going to go out with him?”</p><p>Rey sighed and turned to the only other female that worked with her, Jess. They were currently working on the same project together.</p><p>“No.” Rey admitted and went back to her work. Looks like she was never going to actually get to work on this microwave mechanism at all.</p><p>“Why not? I’ve seen him, he’s actually pretty cute. Didn’t get the fish genes I suppose.”</p><p>Why was everyone so obsessed with her dating life?</p><p>“I told Ackbar and I tell you: I don’t have time!”</p><p>“I call bullshit Kenobi. What did you do last night?” Jess questioned, approaching her station.</p><p>Well Jess couldn’t know she was binging and staring at her neighbor, “I was working on this God forsaken thing.”</p><p>“And that’s something you should be doing here, not when you could be going out with Ackbar’s cute nephew.”</p><p>“Ugh.”</p><p>She and Jess were cool, but they weren’t ‘let’s tell our coworker about my hot neighbor boy problem cool.’ And Rey told herself she wasn’t saying no because of him. Because that would be utterly insane. She had always told Ackbar no in the past, but this time Rey had a weird feeling in her chest.</p><p>“I think you should just to shut him up. <em>I’m </em>getting sick of him asking.”</p><p>Rey gave a short chortle and said over her shoulder, “Well you’re lucky you have someone. Otherwise he would probably try to pawn him off on you too!”</p><p>“Yeah, well I still have to hear it, so I think you should just take one for the team and do it.”</p><p>“Not you too, Jess please!” Rey said, turning to her, “you remember being single, don’t you? It’s so frustrating when people do that.”</p><p>“Yes, I do, but I think you’re just coming up with excuses. Give me a real legit reason why you won’t and I’ll shut up.”</p><p>It definitely <em>wasn’t </em>because she had an inappropriate crush on her unfairly attractive neighbor that she watched do pull ups in his bedroom doorway for fifteen minutes the other day. Rey was <em>trying</em> to not objectify B so much, but that back rippling in all the right ways <em>did </em>something to her. She did always love a good back. Now how was that just when she was really giving an honest attempt to just be a typical, unassuming neighbor around him? And she thought about how uncomfortable that would be if she started dating someone: ‘Oh don’t mind the chiseled abs I’m gawking at, honey.’ Yeah, that would go over really well.</p><p>Okay, maybe it was in <em>part </em>because of B, but she really had to figure out this inconvenient attraction out before she could have any sort of normal relationship. Maybe she could just close her blinds all the time. It would be odd for her to do considering she never has; she didn’t even know if they worked, but it’s not like she would want B to see that. Her getting intimate and all with someone right in front of him when he was just right there, across the street as always.</p><p>Rey thought about her grandfather’s email and how much it upset her. She felt herself starting to unravel and pull away from her friends; Rose and Finn kept trying to reach out to her, and she rarely replied if at all. Work was the only place at the moment where she could feel like just a normal person.</p><p>“I just don’t think me dating is a good idea right now. I have some…things I need to work out first.”</p><p>Jess sighed and nodded, “Okay, but you’ve got to figure that out then, I hope you realize,” she pointed her screwdriver at her, “and you can’t go carrying all that in your head by yourself.”</p><p>Rey tried to acknowledge her as best she could, “Sure Jess, I know.”</p><p>But did she?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Distracting herself from her misery and tormented feelings of her grandfather was pretty much the only thing getting her through her days at this point, and with that, came an excess amount of exercise. Addressing any of her responsibilities, answering texts, putting on a brave face, and seeing her friends all felt much too overwhelming at the moment. She just couldn’t, and she hated it, but she felt the visage of strength that she constantly presented herself with slowly slipping. Hopefully it wouldn’t take her too long to pull herself together before anyone really noticed her less than stellar mental state.  </p><p>
  <em>Why…must he? I am just trying to mind my own business over here.</em>
</p><p>It was another one of those in sync times where she was doing yoga and he was boxing, but when she most recently chanced a peek over at B, he was taking a water break, now shirtless and pouring it all over himself like he was in some sort of sexually charged water commercial.</p><p><em>Oh he is just </em>teasing <em>me now. How is that fair?</em></p><p>“I am…you are…now you’re just being <em>cruel</em>.” She said to herself as she changed positions.</p><p>She was trying, she <em>really </em>was to stave this crush; this ungodly attraction to a man she had never met, but was somehow such a large part of her life that she knew how often he went grocery shopping.</p><p>Now he was running his hands through his hair that was all damp from the water and sweat, she was sure. What she wouldn’t give in that moment to go over there and take in a whiff of that masculine cacophony, which was appealing to the lesser woman in her, she knew, but he was exhibiting himself in such a way, how could the cavewoman in her not come out?</p><p>Then she had an awful thought. Now she was just embracing this flow of wicked thoughts.</p><p>
  <em>Two can play at that game.</em>
</p><p>She was already in some tiny yoga shorts herself, but then she walked to the washer and dryer that was in her apartment next to her guest bathroom, and she slowly removed her shirt and threw it in, leaving her with just a sports bra.</p><p>Making it back to her mat, she did a few poses in the most enervated sort of way, really leaning into downward facing dog and ever so deliberately moved her way into upward facing dog with her arms straight holding her up and the bottom half flat on the floor. Then she showed off her flexibility by bending herself as far backwards as she could muster.</p><p>After she was satisfied with her stretch in this position, she stood with her back facing him and bent herself forward as much as she could go, her hands grabbing her ankles.</p><p>She could actually see B upside down from this angle and he was standing at his kitchen counter, both hands flat on it and looking down. Had he been watching her over the top spectacle of bending? She hated how much the notion thrilled her. He didn’t appear to be doing anything, just standing there keeping his gaze down.</p><p>When she lifted herself back up on her right side, she raised her arms above her head and stretched herself out even more. While she straightened herself out, she couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like for him to be here now, standing behind her, pressing himself and his hardness into her lower back and kissing her neck.</p><p>The fantasy caused her hand to creep down and rub at her neck in a prehensive manner.</p><p>Now just what was she doing, getting herself worked up so much? It was just going to have to be fuel for later when she had to get herself off.</p><p>She turned to face him, and he was boxing again. For just a moment their eyes met, and the exchange went right to her core, igniting her in a way that she hadn’t felt in such a long time. Then he was back to punching the bag so hard that it looked like it might break off, and oh <em>goodness</em> that was hot. She had to greatly concentrate on what she was doing, which was holding a tree pose with her foot against her thigh and arms above her head.</p><p>What was this? What was happening right now?</p><p>The thought she was having was so absolutely ludicrous when it entered her consciousness, but she couldn’t help but wonder. Were they currently having an unspoken competition to see who could seduce whom more thoroughly?</p><p>Well, that is at least what it felt like from her perspective, and perhaps she was a bit delirious from her irrefutable arousal, but for the rest of the time they were having their corresponding workouts, she swore she felt his fleeting gaze while his arms flexed and his shoulders tensed.</p><p>Then as she was rolling up her mat, she honestly just felt frustrated. This really <em>was</em> ridiculous because where was it getting her? She still felt the heaviness in her chest return and the overwhelming gravity of isolation.</p><p>Another distraction, that’s truthfully all he was, and now she had to back to reality. This, whatever <em>this</em> was, wasn’t normal; this errant display isn’t what neighbors are supposed to be doing. Having their routines and parallel lives was one thing, but the fantasies should end, and she knew it.</p><p>Sighing, she made her way to her shower, not being able to bring herself to look at what B was doing anymore. She didn’t allow her hands to travel down her body and imagine B’s hands on her as a means of self preservation.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was starting to get really old when Rey would wake in covered in sweat, fully aroused, and not having asked for the occupant who had plagued her dreams.</p><p>It was certainly preferable to the nightmares after her grandfather’s email a good few weeks ago, but good god, wasn’t enough enough at this point? She must be starting her period soon or something.</p><p>B was there, and it had been a while since she had a dream like this about him; after their charged work out, she was endeavoring to avoid all sexual thoughts of him, plaguing her mind of something else when they fell into her head. She felt like it was because she was feeling particularly lonely lately. At other points, a faceless figure would just be there, stroking her hair and she sighed into it.</p><p>Rey was remorseful because she had pulled away from her friends completely. Trying her best to be present at work was her top priority at the moment since that was what kept a roof over her head.</p><p>Unfortunately, Rose and Finn had grown used to it after her doing this so many times. Last night she fell asleep guilty to a text from Finn.</p><p>
  <strong>Hey Peanut, just checking in. It’s been a while. Rose and I just want to see if you’re okay.</strong>
</p><p>She hadn’t responded of course. So then her punishment was this?</p><p>B slowly undressing her while encompassing his body over hers, kissing from her neck to her shoulder, taking special care of her chest once her blouse opened to him. Sucking a nipple in his mouth before he traveled lower and lower until he reached the apex of her thighs. She carded her hands through that hair as his tongue lavished her until she started to feel the anticipation of an orgasm creeping into her senses.</p><p>That’s what she woke up to. Yeah, that made sense.</p><p>Now she was sexually unsatiated <em>and </em>cranky. She had to get up for work and had no time to at least finish herself off. Groaning, she started her typical morning routine, not even caring she was just in a camisole and panties as she entered her kitchen to start heating her water for her earl grey.</p><p>B was flipping an omelette of sorts. Typical.</p><p>She shook her head, angry at the world and this stupid chiseled man, and she found herself yelling at him, “Yeah, I just had a dream where you were fucking me with your face, and you didn’t even get to the good part! And now I have to go to work like this, thank you!”</p><p>Huffing, she almost even resented him for it, “At least finish me off like a real gentleman! Ugh!”</p><p>Once the kettle started to scream at her, she attended to it, turning the burner off and continued her diatribe at no one, “Goddamn sasquatch over here cooking breakfast when he should be making himself more useful <em>inside of me</em>. Fuck!”</p><p>For some reason, yelling about her most recent sexual frustrations made her feel better as she slammed the door to her room with her mug in hand. She knew it was childish, but she was taking small victories. It got her aggression out in some way, even though it was just extraordinarily absurd when she thought about it. At least he was none the wiser.</p><p>When she got home from work that day, she swore on her life she was fine. That dream was like a fever and she just needed to sweat it out at this point. She didn’t even care anymore.</p><p>No, she really didn’t. Especially not when she saw that he had brought a girl home that evening.</p><p>That was fine. It didn’t make her feel sick to her stomach at all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh no, not this shit 😒</p><p>Okay, so like I said before, I really do have so much of this typed out already, which made me a little apprehensive about posting the chapters because I didn't want to go back and want to add more to a part that was already up for you guys. And I am sorry if these scenes seem really short; I promise they will start to get longer as the story progresses. Anyway, stay safe as always and thaaaank you so much for the read!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rey! Jesus Christ, you’re going to talk to me whether you like it or not!” She heard Rose shout from her front door, seemingly abusing her key privileges, “it’s been over a month! Finn and I gave you your space, but this is enough!”</p><p>She heard stomping, a pause, and then more once Rose must have realized where she was. In bed of course.</p><p>“Rey, what the fuck is going on?” Rose asked punitively.</p><p>With the only response being an indignant huff, Rose made her way to her bed in a pugnacious manner.</p><p>“Am I going to have to drag you out of this bed myself, Kenobi!?”</p><p>“I suppose.” She alleged indifferently.</p><p>“What is this? What is going on? It’s the middle of the freaking day!” Rose asked, eyeballing the blinds, “you missed brunch <em>again </em>today, and I am sick of this! This is the last straw!”</p><p>She threw the blinds up and Rey groaned. Rose was deemed speechless for a few moments, which surprised Rey so much that she took the effort to turn over to her completely.</p><p>“What the fuck is that?” She asked out the window. Rey knew what she was looking at, of course.</p><p>“That would be his girlfriend.” Rey said as she turned away from her again, not wanting the reminder of it.</p><p>“Oh.” Rose said simply.</p><p>A silence fell on them as she felt Rose gently sit on the bed beside her, “He has a girlfriend?”</p><p>“Apparently.”</p><p>“How long has this been going on?”</p><p>“I don’t know. A month. Maybe more.”</p><p>She heard Rose sigh, “Look, Rey, I am sorry.”</p><p>“It’s fine.”</p><p>“It doesn’t seem fine.”</p><p>“He’s a grown fucking adult. He’s allowed to go around and date or fuck whoever he wants…I don’t even know his name.” The last part revealed more of her sadness than she was willing to give, but she was feeling too lethargic to keep her defenses up at the moment.</p><p>There was another pause, “That’s true I guess.”</p><p>The two didn’t speak for a while. Rose her moved and shifted behind her, “I get that it would be disappointing, but it seems like you have the right attitude about it.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>She felt Rose’s postulation, and then a soft hand on her shoulder, “Rey, is that really what this is all about?”</p><p>Her voice broke slightly at the end of her sentence. This is what Rey hated. She could take the anger, but the sadness was a whole different ballgame.</p><p>“I just—I hate seeing you like this, and believe me, I’ve had my fair share of disappointments, but this feels different than an unfulfilled romantic conquest. Please, I just want to understand. Rey, you have to let the people in who love—”</p><p>“My grandfather tried to contact me again.”</p><p>“Oh…” she said as it sat empty in the air.</p><p>It was easy, to be angry at B, and very unfortunate timing for him to pick up a new lady. She was unbelievingly gorgeous with long brown hair and equally long legs. He would make her dinner and they would watch movies together before he would actually close the blinds night after night.</p><p>She knew it wasn’t fair. Her misplaced fury had nothing to do with B. But he had a face. He was right there, and this girl would flaunt around in his clothes as Rey would try her best to distract herself with her tinkering, her work, doing yoga, video games, or whatever else she could do to not just look over at them on the couch together, laughing. Rey could not even begin to fathom why, but it was easier to be angry at some guy she had never technically spoken to then the man who once claimed to love her and would be there to take care of her.</p><p>“Yeah, oh.”</p><p>“Rey, I’m sorry, I know you don’t like to talk about him,” Rey instinctually drew in a breath, “and I know that you like to be all big and strong all of the time, but you don’t have to carry this burden alone.”</p><p>Rey recalled when Jess said that to her at work a little while ago. Everyone was reminding her of this, and yet, somehow it still didn’t make her feel any better. She didn’t know how long she sat there with Rose, the two of them saying nothing, falling into another silence.</p><p>“I know. I know that, Rose. I’m sorry, it’s just hard for me. I just—I don’t want to really talk about it, okay?”</p><p>Rose responded a few moments later after what Rey was guessing was a contemplation of careful words, “Okay honey, but you’re going to have to get it out at some point. Whether it be with me, Finn, or someone else.”</p><p>Rey finally turned to her, “Normally, I bounce back much better than this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”</p><p>Rose smiled, “Oh, Rey. I hope one day you can see what I do.”</p><p>Her friend’s efforts to cheer her up where quite laudable, and it’s not like Rose didn’t have the ability to do it in the past, but this time Rey felt herself pulling away from her even now while she was in the same room with her. Rey wasn’t ready to face this. There were too many emotions to process, and she just wanted to close her eyes, willing for her problems to just go away, or for her to just not care anymore. It was what needed to be done. She needed to be normal again, or at least, appear normal like the mask she put on at work. If you believe it, you’ll receive it right? Self-fulfilling prophecy and all that nonsense.</p><p>She sighed and looked up at Rose, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Rose furrowed her eyebrows at her, “For what?”</p><p>“For…being like this.”</p><p>“Oh,” Rose paused, “you don’t need to apologize. Finn and I are just really worried about you, okay?”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>There was another bout of stillness, and Rey was already chastising herself for slipping so much. This is exactly what she didn’t want, was for them to be worrying about her.</p><p>“I will be fine.”</p><p>Rose didn’t respond for a few seconds, “Really?”</p><p>“Yes, of course. His email…just really took me by surprise. And with him,” Rey gestured in B’s direction with her hand, “that doesn’t really matter.”</p><p>“Oh…okay.”</p><p>These things were true, Rey was just omitting the soul crushing loneliness that was going along with it.</p><p>Rey forced a smiled and nodded at Rose, even going as far as sitting up.</p><p>“I think I just need some time to process all of this, okay?”</p><p>Rose bit her lip, looking away from her, “Are you sure that’s what you want?”</p><p>Rey hesitated for the slightest of moments.</p><p>“Yes,” she nodded quickly, “like I said, I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Sighing, Rose stood up from Rey’s bed, “Okay.”</p><p>They nodded at each other and Rose turned to leave.</p><p>“You don’t always have to be so alone on that island you put yourself on, you know.”</p><p>Rey suspected that Rose had seen right through her charade, but ever a good friend, was giving her what she wanted and didn’t pry, even though she knew that’s all Rose wanted to do.</p><p>She couldn’t face her, so her eyes found her lap. When she looked back up to try and formulate a response, Rose was gone, the sound of the front door closing behind her.</p><p>Now Rey was alone. And this was just what she wanted, right?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rey found it rather horribly ironic that it wouldn’t be B that she would run into in the real world, but his girlfriend. She noticed her in line at Starbucks while she waited for her coffee one morning, knowing she had just come from his place, from his bed because Rey witnessed it herself. It made her heart ache. She was looking like a cover model for the beautiful and successful monthly magazine in a gray pants suit that emphasized her curves, and Rey took note of how statuesque she looked and tried her best not to stare as she came and stood by her to wait for her own coffee. For a second, Rey thought she saw recognition in the woman’s eyes as she walked over from the cashier, but if she had, she didn’t say anything. It felt horrendously awkward and Rey was almost tempted to leave without her coffee. She did not get great sleep the night before, and just went in to Starbucks on a whim because she felt like she needed the extra caffeine. And now she had to stand here with this gorgeous woman, the reminder that she is the reason that B closes his blinds at night when she was there, and in part really, her self-deprecating thoughts. It was also just her luck that it was ungodly busy, but she supposed that wasn’t such an outlandish thing for most coffee establishments before work.</p><p>The other woman was on her phone, Rey was on hers as well, and then she took a call.</p><p>“Hey, I am on my way now. No, don’t tell Snoke that; I am just getting coffee.”</p><p>Rey hated herself that she was trying her best to tune everything else out and listen intently to this woman’s conversation, but she figured she would regret it later if she didn’t, curiosity getting the best of her. Maybe she would at least say B’s name, so Rey could finally know it and it could be something that didn’t plague her mind anymore.</p><p>“No, no I told you that doesn’t work for me. I have reservations with my boyfriend that night.”</p><p>
  <em>And what is, pray tell, that boyfriend’s name?</em>
</p><p>“That’s none of your business, Hux. Quite frankly, why don’t you just focus on your own job and stop nitpicking mine.”</p><p>Rey unintentionally stepped closer to her to make room for another person waiting for their drink.</p><p>“Yes, I will be going over that with—no, don’t you patronize me! Ugh, you can be such an asshole. Just leave it alone!”</p><p>
  <em>Come on, what’s his name? Just say it you gorgeous temptress! Just say his sodding name!</em>
</p><p>Then again, if she even said a male name, would that be a guarantee that it would just so happen to be his? What if she said ‘I’m having lunch with Barry,’ was she to assume that was B’s name? Rey couldn’t even know for sure, but he didn’t seem like a Barry.</p><p>“You need to step down or I <em>will </em>have to speak to Snoke about this.”</p><p>She shook her head, why did she care? She shouldn’t, really. This was ridiculous and she felt silly.</p><p>
  <em>I am standing here with B’s girlfriend, eavesdropping on her conversation just so I can hear his name? Great one, Kenobi. Real mature.</em>
</p><p>What was she to gain from knowing his name anyway? It would probably only hurt more if she had did know it.</p><p>His girlfriend hung up on her seemingly adversarial conversation, and Rey heard her own name called, never having been so thankful to hear it from someone as she stalked off, wanting to put as much distance between her and this girl.</p><p>When she got in her car, she wanted to call Rose, but she didn’t, feeling embarrassed and low, not wanting to relive it.</p><p>Now every time she would be over at B’s, Rey felt an extra layer of hurt and shame, not wanting to catch them at the table laughing, getting back from walking his dog, or his arm around her on the couch. Rey wondered if the woman would recognize her or remember her; then she thought that was also absurd, apparently only she was that creepy.</p><p>It felt so much lonelier to be doing her daily rituals alone. Even when B was home by himself, he didn’t seem to pay her much mind as he stopped bouncing or reflecting his habits off of her. She would be eating late at night, and he would actually be sleeping. He would be working at the dining table while she would be getting home and he would get up to go to his room. Doing yoga while he watched tv. Making dinner for his girlfriend while she ate her takeout by herself. It felt weird, and what seemed to hurt more than anything is that for the life of her, she could not figure out why.</p><p>They were just neighbors that had never spoken when it all came down to it. It didn’t matter that he would randomly start breakout dances to rile up his dog that made her heart explode, or that he would sometimes play video games on the couch until he fell asleep there. He did not owe her one iota of comfort or normalcy. He was an adult who made his own decisions, and she was at least grateful that he would close the blinds because she most certainly did not want to see him getting down with that beautiful woman.</p><p>One evening, she got so out of sorts from seeing B drape a blanket over his girlfriend and being so tender after she fell asleep on the couch that she decided that perhaps taking Ackbar up on his offer to go out with his nephew wasn’t such a bad idea. She knew she wasn’t going to, but the loneliness was mocking her at this point.</p><p>Now having to be constantly reminded of her solo status, staring into B and now his girlfriend’s lives only further emphasized the fact that she was eating takeout on the couch all by herself, safe for Bebe of course.</p><p>She wondered if they pitied her sometimes. Oh, look at the sad girl over there who is probably made of at least 50% ramen noodles at this point. Another odd thought that made her even more upset is that maybe they didn’t notice her at all. She wasn’t even a blip on their radar while they lived in their hot neighbor boy apartment that was impossible for her to even fathom that it not only existed in the same world as hers, but the same bloody street.</p><p>So she, just with so many others things in her life, turned away from B and his goofy antics with his dog and his muscles and his girlfriend, and suppressed her feelings on it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>UGGHHH okay one of the reasons why this took so long is that for the life of me I could not figure out how to divide up these stupid chapters. I was tempted for quite some time to combine this one and the next one in order to make it one long chapter, but I really just didn't like the progression of the story that way. Soooo, that being said, the next one will be coming soon *rubs hands together maniacally* Heh heh heh.</p><p>Anyway, thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate it!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(psst, I won't always start chapters with lyrics, but if there was a particular song that really fueled me while I was writing it, I just thought I would put them up because why not)</p><p>My friends are getting bored of me<br/>Saying I fell in love with a stranger<br/>I don't know what they all think of me<br/>But in reality I don't even</p><p>Remember anything but thinking you're the one<br/>And I can force a future like it's nothing, so I</p><p>Just hate everybody<br/>Well then why can't I go home without somebody?<br/>And really I could fall in love with anybody<br/>Who don't want me, so I just keep saying<br/>I hate everybody<br/>But maybe I, maybe I don't</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfCx6rMRM-k">I HATE EVERYBODY</a>” –Halsey</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ache in Rey’s chest didn’t feel as heavy after some time had passed. This is how it always went whenever these sorts of episodes would hit her, even if this one was particularly nasty. Now she was sick of feeling like a little weakling who couldn’t get out of bed.</p><p>She was at work and Jess approached her. Rey was much better at wearing her ‘I’m a functioning human being’ mask at work still.</p><p>“Hey, Kenobi, you doing anything tonight?”</p><p>Looking up from the engine she was trying to bring back to life and failing, she met her eyes, “No, what’s up?”</p><p>She shrugged her shoulders, “A few of us are going out to this new dive bar tonight, thought I’d extend you the invitation.”</p><p>This was not the first time this sort of offer had come up, and most of the time she would turn her down, but in the occasions that she had said yes, was very much the sort of evening out she was looking for at the moment. Her eyes went back to her task, “Count me in.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey finished getting ready with some spare time, so she figured she could throw one back for the road before she called an Uber. She had put on some sparkly top and black jeans with much more makeup than she ever wore, but tonight it was serving a purpose. Rey wanted to look good and get a certain reaction from any takers. She slipped on some ridiculously high heeled boots and sauntered into her kitchen. Her head was buried in the freezer for a few moments before she found the forgotten about vodka bottle that was all the way in the back.</p><p>“Ah ha!”</p><p>B’s girlfriend was there tonight, of course. She was sitting on the couch watching tv while he cooked dinner. It was some show she had never seen before with various women yelling at each other. She pushed B’s dog away from her when it approached her.</p><p>She poured herself a shot and downed it, cringing a bit. It had been a while.</p><p>Her phone made a noise, so she went to retrieve it at the table. Whether B noticed her or not, was not really a concern of hers at the moment.</p><p>Jess had texted her, letting her know the address. She responded with a thumbs up. Now would probably be a good time for that Uber.</p><p>She slipped into a leather jacket as she poured herself one more shot and downed it. Her car was going to arrive in a couple of minutes.</p><p>“Alright,” she stared at her phone as she collected her purse, “don’t wait up for me Bebe! Dry food’s in the bowl!”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After some semi drunken dancing with Jess, Rey scoped out some potentials. Some men had been eyeing her already, and she thought some of them were cute here and there, and she most decidedly was <em>not </em>comparing everyone to B. They had already had some pretty decent entertainment for the evening as a couple of guys literally came up to them and offered to show them some magic tricks in the middle of the dance floor, and her and Jess took the bait hook, line, and sinker. As one of them finished up a trick, Rey’s eyes widened like she had never seen anything like it.</p><p>“Oh my God, do another one!” Rey yelled yanking on his arm, “that was amazing.”</p><p>It was certainly an interesting strategy to pick up women, but it was a lot more creative than some of the other approaches she had witnessed over the years.</p><p>“Alright, alright! Here is…another!”</p><p>He asked Jess to pick a card, and she did, returning it back into the deck when instructed. After he shuffled the cards around, he asked Jess to look in her purse. Incredibly, when she opened it, her card was in there.</p><p>“Okay seriously what the hell?” She asked incredulously.</p><p>If this guy kept playing his cards right, pun intended, he might be a strong contender for tonight. Then Rey couldn’t believe that she was considering sleeping with a guy who did magic in the middle of a bar to seduce women. This is where she was at in her life, but the more alcohol she consumed, the less she cared.</p><p>His companion had left them for a few minutes and came back, pulling on his shoulder, “Dude, we have to go. Aaron is puking everywhere and we have to get him home.”</p><p>
  <em>Damn you Aaron for not holding your liquor.</em>
</p><p>He turned back to Rey and Jess and took a small bow, taking Rey’s hand and kissing it, “I must bid you adieu.”</p><p>His friend rolled his eyes. Rey gave him her phone when he asked if they could exchange Instagrams, and when he handed the phone back to her, she was not surprised whatsoever that his handle was magic__mike_. What a world.</p><p>After they left, she kept looking around for others, but luckily she and Jess got caught up in more dancing and laughing at what they had just witnessed.</p><p>“I cannot believe that guy was literally doing card tricks in a fucking bar,” Jess said to her as they stopped by the bar to get another drink, “only in LA.”</p><p>Rey giggled, “I know right? I commend him for individuality.”</p><p>They sat with their coworkers for a little while before Rey felt restless once more and pulled Jess onto the dance floor again. For a while, she forgot about all of her problems with her pulling away from Finn and Rose, her grandfather, and her stupid neighbor. It was nice to just laugh and dance to various songs that would hit her in just the right way. Who cares if she was so lonely when Lizzo was singing at you to love yourself? She began to look around again for other possibilities for the night.</p><p>“You look like someone who is on the prowl!” Jess yelled at her while they danced.</p><p>“I <em>am</em>!” Rey yelled back as she tipped the last of her drink back.</p><p>“What are you looking for?”</p><p>“To get laid!”</p><p>Jess looked a little taken aback and then smiled deviously at her, “Oh shit, you’re not messing around! Okay, let’s scan our options.”</p><p>This man that had been staring at the two of them for quite sometime and began to approach them as Jess looked around, and he was decidedly very unsavory.</p><p>Jess just had to stare at him viciously and he held up his hands and walked away. Rey was thankful to have her as a bodyguard.</p><p>Eyes narrowing as a woman on a mission, Jess kept scanning the bar for any decent takers, “Hmm, how about that guy over there, with the dirty blonde hair? He’s been sending you some vibes, and he’s cute.”</p><p>Rey looked over at him, and he smiled back at her. Sure, he’d do. She shrugged at Jess and turned to approach him.</p><p>“Hey.” He said to her once she reached the bar.</p><p>“What’s up?” Rey asked, getting into the seat next to him and leaning on her hand.</p><p>“I am guessing you know I’ve wanted to buy you a drink.”</p><p>“Yup, why do you think I’m over here?” She asked in what she hoped was an almost seductive voice.</p><p>“What do you drink?”</p><p>“Whiskey tonight. On the rocks.”</p><p>He nodded approval at her, “Nice. Thought you’d be a cranberry vodka type of girl.”</p><p>The bartender traveled over to them once he flagged her down.</p><p>“Oh I love those too! Don’t you hate on them. They’re a staple.”</p><p>He chuckled at her, leaning in closer to her to hand Rey her drink, “Whatever you say girlie.”</p><p> </p><p>She had been this semi interesting conversation with Justin or Jason or whatever his name was. What really mattered to her was that he was buying her steady drinks and he looked nothing like her neighbor. Nope, no luscious black hair and god like shoulders here.</p><p>He had a slender build, which was fine, and was still pretty tall.</p><p>“So, what is it you do for a living, Rey?” He asked her, tipping his bourbon back.</p><p>She could tell him, but she didn’t really think he would care. Obviously, there was only one thing on his mind, and quite frankly, it was on hers too.</p><p>“I’m a mechanical engineer, but what I really want to do is model. That’s why I moved out to the big city. To pursue my dreams.”</p><p>He gazed at her, confused, for a few moments, “Oh, right, yeah. I definitely think you could pull it off. What are you from England right?”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes and almost had to laugh. Honestly, since she had gotten this high-powered job, and even when she was in grad school, she found that a lot of men tuned it out immediately. Most of the time it bothered her, but not tonight.</p><p>“Really,” she twirled her hair, “you think so?”</p><p>“Oh yeah, definitely, sweetheart.”</p><p>The pet name irked her a bit too, but she shrugged it off.</p><p>They danced for a little while before he unceremoniously shoved his tongue down her throat. The drinks were getting to her for sure at this point; she knew that.</p><p>“You good girl?” Jess asked her once they were both in the bathroom. Rey had broken the seal, which meant she had to pee about every couple of minutes.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I’m doing a hair toss, and check my nails!” she sang, “that’s how the song goes right?”</p><p>Jess laughed at her, “You mean that Lizzo song that was on before? Yeah I think that’s close enough.”</p><p>“Great!” Rey exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air.</p><p>“God, I love happy drunk Rey.”</p><p>“Me too!” She exclaimed as she started to dance herself back towards the door, “and I will see <em>you </em>later!”</p><p>She made it back to Jeffery or whatever, and he gave her a grin before he shoved his tongue down her mouth again.</p><p>“Great, great, yes.” Rey said, backing away from him, “come on.” She said, pulling his arm along towards the exit.</p><p>Jess was standing there on her way out, so she nudged her before walking leaving, “Hey, I’m gonna go have sex with that guy, so remember his face in case he murders me or something.”</p><p>Jess’ face was actually one of concern, “Are you sure?”</p><p>Rey did a couple of finger guns her way, “Absotutely!”</p><p>The other woman nodded at her, blinking slowly, probably a little drunk herself, “Okay. Just be safe.”</p><p>“Great, gotcha!” Rey yelled as she was walking out.</p><p>“Text me when you get home chicka!”</p><p>Rey raised a thumbs up in the air.</p><p>Before she really gave much thought about it, James had asked her whose place she wanted to go, but she was already calling an Uber to her address. When she expressed it, he just kind of shrugged and agreed.</p><p>They actually did talk waiting for the Uber as Rey tried cognitively process how drunk she actually was, “So what is it you do, Jerry?”</p><p>“It’s Jensen, actually,” he said as he leaned against the wall of the bar, “you’re going to laugh.”</p><p>She had already started to, “Oh now I have to know. What is it?”</p><p>He shook his head, “I write greeting cards.”</p><p>“Whaaat? Really?”</p><p>“You better believe it.”</p><p>The car had arrived and they scrambled into it, “Okay, give me a card now.”</p><p>“Are you serious?” He asked disbelievingly while relying on the door for support.</p><p>“Well yeah, you can’t tell me something like that without giving me something.”</p><p>“Okay, okay,” he snickered, “give me a minute…” he said as he stroked his chin, “alright…roses are red, violets are blue, it’s your birthday now, so fuck you!”</p><p>Rey laughed at the absurdity of it all, “That was fucking awful.”</p><p>He shrugged, “It’s a living!”</p><p>By the time they had made it to her front door, they had been making out sloppily again. She barely opened the door before she was pressed against it for a few moments while his hand went to blindly grope her chest. Wow, he really knew how to treat a woman in the throes of passion, didn’t he?</p><p>“Wait, wait,” he said pulling away from her, “I gotta pee again, where’s your toilet?”</p><p>She pointed out her guest bathroom as she definitely did want him in her personal one. He stomped off and she stood there for a few moments, deciding what the next best action would be.</p><p>Water, definitely getting water. She went to her fridge and grabbed a bottle out that she normally reserved for exercise and downed it in one fell swoop. Wiping her mouth, she slammed the bottle down and gave a satisfied ahhh sound. She stood there at the counter for a minute before she felt a pair of eyes on her, and they definitely weren’t her new guest Jensen’s or whatever it was.</p><p>She peered up, and B was sitting at his table, laptop open, but that is not where is attention was focused. No, for the first time in all of the months that he lived there she had no doubt that his attention was solely focused on her. She stared back almost disbelievingly, and his eyes slightly narrowed before she <em>swore </em>he was jutting out that lip of his that she would in a heartbeat sink between her teeth.</p><p>What did he think he was doing, staring at her like that? Was he doing this solely for the purpose of torturing her? The one time she brought a guy back to her apartment. And perhaps, just perhaps, that was <em>why</em>.</p><p>And with his girlfriend possibly sleeping in his bed? What the fuck?</p><p>Then she felt like it sobered her up quite a bit. It was hard to tell in the dark, his glorious face only illuminated by the screen, but from here his expression looked like it had grown softer with his dark eyebrows furrowed.</p><p>Nope, that’s where she’s going to bow out. She stared down onto the counter where she studied the patterns in the granite.</p><p>“Hey, sorry, I had to call my roommate to tell him I was here.” Jensen called out.</p><p>She didn’t respond. Her focus remained on the counter.</p><p>“Rey? Everything okay?”</p><p>Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath. Then she brought her head up to face him.</p><p>And decided that she was still just the right amount of drunk to do this.</p><p>“Yup! Come on, let’s go.” She said, again dragging him to the bedroom.</p><p>“Oh, okay, we’re just getting right to it then.”</p><p>“What else are you really here for? Did you want to play Scrabble or something?” She asked as she willed herself to not confirm whether or not B’s gaze was following them.</p><p>As it was happening, she felt fine. And that’s how it was. Fine. Not too bad, but not great either. Adequate, middle of the road, drunk sex. He hadn’t even made sure that she had gotten off.</p><p>Not exactly the release she was looking for, but what was she expecting, really, that Mr. Greeting Card was going to be some kind of sex god? No, she supposed not. Whatever, it was done with now. She had done what she set out to do.</p><p>What she couldn’t figure out though, is why she felt so guilty. She didn’t ask him to stay, and he didn’t really seem too set on it anyway.</p><p>He got dressed after a few failed attempts at cuddling. Putting on his jacket, he looked at her.</p><p>“Alright then, call me?”</p><p>She stared at him from the bed, having already put on a baggy t shirt for bed, “You got it. Thanks for the sex.”</p><p>Rey wasn’t going to call him, and something was telling her that he wasn’t going to be expecting it either. She didn’t even walk him to the door when he left, but even in her still slightly drunken state, she remembered to lock up and then send a ‘I am alive still’ text to Jess. Jess thanked her and said she hoped the sex was good. Rey laughed and shook her head, sending her a shrugging emoji.</p><p>And that’s what the whole evening felt like now. A shrugging emoji.</p><p>She went to bed soon after she texted Jess, and that guilt still rose up in her as she watched B for a few moments playing some late night video games. Evidently, he was in one of his insomnia episodes. He hadn’t looked at her again.</p><p>“What, so you’re allowed to get some, and I’m not?” She shouted at him, still feeling inebriated on her feet, “I am sure that’s what you’re doing when you close the blinds!”</p><p>Standing in her kitchen again, almost to the point of tears. She hated crying, and she felt like she had been doing so much of it lately. When she stared at the side of B’s head, she decided that she hated him for everything he had done to her from his unreal physique, dorkiness that was so scathingly apparent, to his unfair open gapping at her while he still had a girlfriend sleeping in his bed. She was sick of it, sick of all the cursory moments that truthfully added up to nothing because where did it all really get her? Still by herself, even with another man’s scent now on her sheets. The reality of it all was like a veracious snake wrapping itself around her heart that she knew wouldn’t show her mercy.</p><p>“We’re just bloody neighbors for Christ’s sake! Why does it have to feel like this!?”</p><p>Rey knew it was the alcohol that was bringing this out in her, otherwise she wouldn’t be so candid or irritated, even she was just alone with herself. She had taken to yelling at him quite a bit, and wondered how much of her shouting that he noticed. Most of the time, she tried to be careful about it when his back was turned. Luckily, the lights still weren’t still on, so she didn’t think she was entirely visible.</p><p>“I shouldn’t have to feel guilty! You’re the one…” she stared down at her fingers, leaning on the counter yet again for balance, “you’re the one who screwed up our routine.”</p><p>There it was. She finally admitted it. Out loud even. No more in sync tv show watching, work outs, or tinkering while he sat at his lap top. No more parallel meals or late night tea and/or coffee and video games when neither of them couldn’t sleep. She had grown so used to it, and when it had changed the same time as her grandfather’s unwelcomed message in her inbox, she felt like she was falling apart at the seams. Wiping her nose, she felt pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.</p><p>She just wanted to stop feeling like this, like she had no sense of belonging. It was a feeling that plagued Rey her whole life, and somehow, seeing B’s isolation almost matching her own made her feel…like some kind of pseudo belonging, and it was now that she realized that it was all a rouse to cover up what was really happening. She was still lonely, and she wondered if she ever wouldn’t be.</p><p>Rey filled herself up a cup of crushed ice and went to bed. She did not sleep well at all.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>She dreamt of him again. It wasn’t even a sex dream this time. The two of them were just on his couch, but it wasn’t like it was when him and his girlfriend shared it. They were watching reruns of <em>The Office</em>, and were lying down with him on top of her, his head on her chest. She was running her fingers through that magnificent hair, and he nuzzled her and then laid a kiss on the material of her shirt, letting out a contented sigh. When she woke up, she felt even more unsatisfied than she did before.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Okaaayyyyy please bear with me a little longer! The next couple of chapters are not going to be as depressing I promise! If you've made it this far, thank you so much for sticking with Rey and I here...she's...having a hard time. Thank you so much for reading!</p><p>Also, I made a tumblr for my writing and such. It's kind of a Star Wars/reylo/mutilfandom mess, but I plan on posting updates to my writing on there, so please come check it out! <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">Here!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>They just laughed and said “That boy, he<br/>That boy’s got woe, whoa<br/>He lives with woe, whoa”</p><p>And this girl who I met<br/>Whose pride makes her hard to forget<br/>She took pity on me horizontally<br/>But most likely because of my band<br/>And that’s all I can get when I’m lonely<br/>And these visions of death seem to own me<br/>In the quiet of the classrooms<br/>All across the stacked United States of Woe, whoa<br/>We live with woe, oh, oh, oh, oh</p><p>She said “I can’t get laid in this town<br/>Without these pointy fucking shoes<br/>My feet are so black and blue<br/>And so are you”</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBOKE63hzbo">Woe</a>” –Say Anything</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey felt like perhaps she had gone through the five stages of grief and was trying to just accept her situation for what it was. B was wrapped up in his own business, and now she was alone with hers.</p><p>Maybe this was a good thing, after all. It was kind of highlighting how accustomed she was to his presence in his life, and she was realizing that this was not the way neighbors were supposed to be behaving. What was she expecting, anyway? That they would both just be across the street neighbors forever, and <em>not</em> do normal adult things like date people? It wasn’t fair to put that expectation on him, so really, she couldn’t be mad at him. She would just sigh when she would look up and see them together, reminding her that everyone moved on and except her. Here she was, in the same sad place her grandfather had left her in.</p><p>Despite the fact that Rey had been single for some time now, before B moved in, she hadn’t really given much thought as to whether or not she would actually find someone. The last person she had attempted to date she actually really liked, but after almost a year of neither of them really making an actual commitment, whether it was because they were both too scared to or didn’t actually want to, Rey couldn’t be sure. He had literally just stopped responding to her one day, absolutely no explanation, and Rey was too jaded to keep trying if he wasn’t going to. The other men of Rey’s past had pretty similar stories.</p><p>When she started grad school, she had told herself that she was much too busy to date, which honestly was true. Sometimes she didn’t even remember to eat, her body slipping into starvation mode easily when she would have a paper and three assignments due at once. She lived in sweat pants and messy buns for two years straight, never really feeling the need to appeal to anyone. Now that she had her career established though, she still didn’t think about the future of her status, and she was starting to suspect that it was either because she hadn’t met anyone that made her <em>want </em>to think about it, or she really was that fucked up and meant to be alone. Frankly, they both sounded pretty sad. Then, she thought, when she had seen how alone B looked, she felt like she wasn’t such a freak of nature. Here he was, someone else just like her, and that was okay. But now…well now things were different.</p><p>Perhaps after some time, she could feel like she could even be happy for him. Good for him that he found someone that makes him less lonely.</p><p>Rey got home and she was there without B. It made Rey wonder if they really did notice her there since they seemed to be so wrapped up in each other. <em>Don’t mind me</em>, she thought, <em>just forever alone over here.</em></p><p>Rey tried to avoid looking over at her, but she felt her gaze in her periphery when she was putting groceries away.</p><p>
  <em>Recognize me from Starbucks, eh? </em>
</p><p>Shaking her head, Rey tended to her own tasks and started to tinker at her desk. This felt odd to be here with her instead of B. It was something that she had to get used to, she supposed. Maybe they would move in together after a while, maybe even away from her. Just like everyone did.</p><p>She reprimanded herself for such a dark thought. It’s not like Rey was their responsibility, and if that was their prerogative, then she would have to live with that. Now Rey thought she was kidding herself all along, thinking that her and B had something special.</p><p>
  <em>How pathetic are you? He probably has just thought you were some weirdo that stares at him too much this whole time.</em>
</p><p>Her body felt heavy as she worked. Well, she imagined this was how she could get over this stupid little attraction to him anyway. Sleeping with some rando was a stupid idea in the sense that she thought it would make her feel anything. It didn’t. The most she felt that night was from B’s stare, which gave her chills when she thought about it now. Rey started to feel like closing her blinds to them would make things easier. Perhaps she should start. Her poor plants would hate it though, and she would miss the sun, but she was just going to have to be a big girl and deal with it. She had figured that out after she had calmed down from her drunken rage at B.</p><p>Jensen had attempted to talk to her that next day, but the conversation didn’t really go anywhere. Rey wasn’t really up for it, and when he asked if they could go out again some time, she just evasively said she would check her schedule.</p><p>There was movement next to her, and she just automatically looked over to see B walking in the door in one of his suits. He walked over and gave her a kiss on her cheek, then made his way to his room, closing the door behind him. She just continued to sit on the couch, and Rey decided that looking away was in her best interest. Now it was going to be the three of them, apparently. Alright. Cool.</p><p>All Rey hoped at this point is that she would appreciate him. Even though Rey still had never met him, what she wanted for B was for his girlfriend to laugh at him and his dog and thank him for the meals he made her. That she would appreciate the tenderness he provided and at least humor him for his penchant for obscure horror movies and first person shooters. Perhaps even get him some coffee when he was up late at night, working on some kind of deadline, Rey guessed. She still felt the kinship with him and thought that he deserved all of these nice things.</p><p>Rey wondered if she ever wouldn’t feel this way, this isolation that felt like a vice grip around her soul, and thought that she really needed to distract herself in her work. She turned the music up really loud and didn’t look over at them for quite some time.</p><p>When she took a break to get some water, she didn’t even mean to catch her gaze in their direction, but she saw them fighting. Well, she knew that was a normal thing for couples to do. They fought, sure. She breathed in and thought that it looked rather nasty, though. They were definitely yelling at each other, and oddly enough, it gave Rey no satisfaction. She turned away from them and minded her own business.</p><p>When she was making herself dinner, they were still going at it, and she felt exhausted even just witnessing it.</p><p>“Bloody hell, just make up or get it over with already.” She said to herself.</p><p>When she was going to bed, it looked like they had as they were sitting on the couch together, watching a movie.</p><p>“Guess they got it together.” Rey muttered. Then she sighed and closed the door on them.</p><p>She stared at her ceiling for a long, long time, sleep not claiming her. She remembered when she would just go out to her living room in her insomnia, expecting to see B there too. Rey hated to admit to herself how much she missed the comfort in that simple act. Well, it’s not like that was that long ago, things just weren’t the same anymore. This is what she gets for seeking camaraderie in a complete stranger.</p><p>She needed to stop this; she needed her friends, and she hoped that they would be willing to take her back even after she had pushed them away for so long. It’s not like this was the first time she had done something like this to them, but this stint was different in its severity and length. This loneliness was making her feel numb, and she knew from her upbringing that is when she would really start to spiral, and it would only be more difficult to come back from it if she didn’t have some kind of life line soon. She remembered the numb days of her adolescence where some of the most horrendous things would happen in front of her eyes, and she would feel nothing from it. Just nothing. This was not a road she wanted to go down again, so she turned herself over, and willed herself to shut her eyes and quell her restless mind.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Dialing his number was harder than she thought it would be. She swallowed up her pride though, and pressed the call button after she let her finger hover over it for a few seconds.</p><p>It rang a couple of times before he answered, “Hey Peanut. So glad to hear from you!”</p><p>“Hey,” Rey sniffled, “I’m sorry I’ve been so distant. Can you tell Rose that I love her?”</p><p>“Of course I will.”</p><p>“Can you come over? I just really don’t want to be alone right now.”</p><p>Finn laughed a bit, making her feel less insecure about asking, “I think I’ve been needing another Finn and Rey movie night myself. Shall I bring the margaritas?”</p><p>Rey smiled, happy that he had the ability to cheer her up, even just a smidge, “Sure, but I can’t have too many.”</p><p>“Yes, Rose told me about Mr. Greeting Card.”</p><p>“Ugh,” she exasperated, “is nothing sacred?”</p><p>“Come on, that’s how the three of us work and you know it.”</p><p>Rey knew that he was right, although she was certain there were some things that she was not privy to between the couple. That was fair though.</p><p>Finn came over within the hour while Rey was in a blanket heap on her couch, only because she just always seemed to have the ability to be cold no matter how warm the temperature was. He started to make the margaritas after he got the blender out of her cupboard. “Strawberry okay?”</p><p>“You know it is.”</p><p>The boy could mix up a mean concoction. She heard him chopping what she figured were some strawberries to put into the beverage.</p><p>“They’re still fighting, huh?”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“Every night?”</p><p>“Practically.”</p><p>Rey knew he was asking about B and his girlfriend. They were having a row the last time looked from her couch. They were probably still going at it if Finn was asking about it.</p><p>“Serves him right.”</p><p>“He hasn’t done anything wrong, Finn. He’s just living his life.”</p><p>She jumped slightly as the blender came to life. It went on for a minute or so before he shut it off and lifted the lid to taste it. It sounded like he was still contemplating the flavor.</p><p>“Yeah, miserably by the looks of it.”</p><p>Rey just huffed from her spot as she looked for a movie to watch. <em>Yeah well, join the club B</em>. Seeing them fight still didn’t even make her feel good or give her gratification. It was honestly hard to watch, so she ignored them and adverted her eyes most of the time.</p><p>The blender sounded again while she settled on watching <em>Step Brothers</em>. When the sound stopped, Rey heard tasting noises once more.</p><p>“Ahh, perfection,” he congratulated himself, “do you have any popcorn?”</p><p>“Yeah, in the snack cupboard.”</p><p>“Well, that won’t make it hard to find at all.”</p><p>“Screw you.” Rey said noncommittally. She heard rummaging as she closed her eyes, waiting patiently.</p><p>“I don’t understand,” Finn said as the opening of plastic sounded, “why does he keep his blinds open for that?”</p><p>“I don’t sodding know. It’s annoying. I don’t want to watch it any more than he wants to be fighting. At least with the blinds closed I can at least pretend that they’re fucking or something.”</p><p>The microwave beeped with various noises, and then there were clinking of glasses, “Would that really make you feel any better?”</p><p>“No,” Rey said quietly, “but at least one of us would be having a good time.”</p><p>“Hey, you’re having a good time now, aren’t you?” Finn asked defensively.</p><p>She actually folded her heap over to look at him, “Of course.”</p><p>There were beeping noises from the microwave again as the popping sounds slowly ceased. Finn opened it, and poured the popcorn into a bowl he had gotten out. He brought it over to the coffee table, and Rey immediately started to shovel it down her mouth, “Hey, slow down there tiger! Got to leave some for The Chocolate Rain!”</p><p>“You know I <em>hate</em> it when you call yourself that.” Rey said with a mouthful.</p><p>He just winked at her and walked back over to the kitchen to finish preparing the margarita glasses.</p><p>“Didn’t hot neighbor boy used to have a dog?” Finn asked as he started to rim the glasses with sugar. It went better with the strawberry flavor, he claimed.</p><p>“Well, yeah, he’s got one. The lab?”</p><p>“I don’t see one.”</p><p>Rey sat up from the couch for the first time in a while, scanning the apartment. Besides the yelling couple, she surveyed no other forms of life. In fact, now when Rey thought about it, she didn’t even remember the last time she saw it running around happily in the apartment, playing with its toys, or bothering B to throw the ball while he either read a book or watched tv from the couch.</p><p>“Wha? Where is it?”</p><p>She had been so wrapped up in her emotional turmoil that she hadn’t even noticed that the happy pup was missing, and she didn’t even know for how long. Bebe hopped up in her lap, snuggling to her, and started to make biscuits with the fluffy blanket to further emphasize the point that B was now sad and sans of a pet companion.</p><p>“Something must have happened to it.”</p><p>“Well, that’s sad.” She commented distantly.</p><p>Finn didn’t even look remorseful as he brought Rey her glass, and she took it, being mindful of Bebe.</p><p>“Ah, <em>Step Brothers</em>! A classic!”                 </p><p>Rey found a certain amount of cheeriness as Brennan sang “Por Ti Volaré” at the Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer. Finn got up throughout the movie to replenish the margaritas and even made another round. Rey knew he was catering to her because he felt bad for her, but she couldn’t really bring herself to care much about it at the moment. While Finn was getting more popcorn at one point, Rey was laughing at Derek’s family singing their rendition of “Sweet Child of Mine” with a nice little buzz going on.</p><p>But when she looked over at B’s apartment, her heart sank, and this time it was definitely for a different reason than when she saw the blinds closed for the first time.</p><p>He had somehow managed to fit his massive form in a ball on the couch. His girlfriend was gone, and he was watching reruns of <em>The Office</em>. In the dark, completely alone. Not even his lab for company.</p><p>Rey tried to shake it off because those were his problems, and she really had to start concerning herself with her own. She discovered this the morning after Greeting Card Guy.</p><p>When the credits sounded, Finn got up, stumbling a bit, but then proceeded to clean up.</p><p>“Are you going to be okay driving home? You can crash on the couch if you need to.”</p><p>He shook his head as he rinsed out the mixer, placing it in the dishwasher, “I Ubered here girlie…I wanted to get a little lit with my best friend, so sue me.”</p><p>“Pssh, Rose is your best friend.” Rey said indignantly.</p><p>“No, she’s my girlfriend,” the popcorn bowl went in next, “okay, yeah she is my best friend, but you are too. You’re allowed to have more than one you know.”</p><p>“That’s not how it works.”</p><p>“Can you choose between Rose and I then?”</p><p>Rey crossed her arms defiantly, “I see your point.”</p><p>“Exactly, Rose just gets the added bonus of The Chocolate Rain lovin’.”</p><p>“I swear to Christ if you call yourself that <em>one </em>more time, it will be while before Rose gets any chocolate lovin’.”</p><p>He held his hand over his heart, offended, “Don’t punish Rose. That’s not fair! She’s innocent!”</p><p>That made Rey laugh and feel nice. In her slightly buzzed brain, it felt nice to feel nice. Finn finished cleaning up, and tucked Rey into a little burrito on the couch.</p><p>“Speaking of, I bet she’ll be wanting some of that chocolate lovin’. You gonna be okay Peanut?”</p><p>Bebe jumped on the back of the couch; Finn stroked him.</p><p>“Yes, I am feeling much better now, thanks for tonight, really. I am,” she started, and sighed deeply, “I am sorry.”</p><p>Finn looked at her and touched her cheek, “You don’t need to be sorry. We were just worried, and all we wanted to know is if you were okay. Well, as okay as you can be.”</p><p>She breathed in deep and closed her eyes, “I think I’m trying to be.”</p><p>“Then that’s all that matters.”</p><p>She felt the tears form, but she was able to hold them back, “Give Rose my love.”</p><p>Finn smiled deviously, “Yes, it will be a very different kind of love then the kind I will be giving her.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, “You two, I can’t.”</p><p>Laughing, he gave her a kiss on the forehead, collected his stuff, and locked up behind him. Then Rey was left alone again, but she at least had Bebe, who she made cuddle with her.</p><p>It took about ten minutes for her to break down and peek over the couch. He was still watching <em>The Office </em>in the same position as a new episode started. It was the one where Michael ran over Meredith with his car. She sighed, petting Bebe next to her. He was asleep and purring.</p><p>Deciding, fuck it really, she started up Netflix, and turned on the same episode. Now Rey also got to enjoy Michael trying to absolve himself from running over one of his subordinates. For all she knew, they both fell asleep at the same ‘Are you still watching?’ screen.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Oh, shit. What's going on here now? WHEN WILL THESE IDIOTS LEARN.</p><p>Wow, I cannot believe this fic is like a smidgen away from 1,000 hits. For me, that is like insane! So thank you guys so, so much from the bottom of my heart for making this all possible!</p><p>Please come see me on <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wanted to be patient and wait to post this, but I simply cannot stare at it anymore. Have fun!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>B’s girlfriend came over more infrequently now, and Rey never thought she was going to feel relief from it. What, was she supposed to be satisfied that he looked absolutely despondent most of the time now? Wasn’t it his girlfriend’s job to cheer him up instead of causing so much of his sadness? Wasn’t that how relationships worked? It’s not like Rey would remember these things anymore. She hadn’t had a boyfriend in so long that she wasn’t entirely all too convinced that you didn’t give him a litterbox or take him out for walks. That thought made her heart sink. There was still no sign of the dog. Then it concerned her how attached she got to a dog that she had never even met before.</p>
<p>Rey just didn’t get it. This guy seemed to have everything going for him, and now he was the pathetic one too, binge watching Netflix and eating—Rey’s eyes bulged out of their sockets—takeout?! Who was this guy and what had he done with her neighbor B?</p>
<p>His routine was totally different again. He would come home, sometimes just sitting on the couch in his suit still, looking like some depressed suit model before he went and changed, sometimes not coming out of his room for a long time.</p>
<p>Rey conceded her efforts not to and tried to google him. Extraordinarily enough, the term ‘hot suit boy in Los Angeles area’ only brought up porn and very specific dating websites. She even tried a couple different careers, like hot lawyer, hot accountant, or hot real estate broker. Still nothing. Rey did have to laugh to herself and realized that even if B did have some kind of online presence for his career, his website probably wouldn’t say ‘Hot Lawyer, who’s willing to fight for you!’ Although that didn’t seem like the <em>worst </em>advertising approach. It would make a great commercial.</p>
<p>If this session of online searching were truly realistic, she would have googled, hot boy who likes to cook with his mother, or hot boy who likes to read on the couch with his long legs dangling over the back of it while trying to drink water in that awkward position, only to spill it all over his face. Rey looked over his way, and thinking about it now, it would be hot, sad boy.</p>
<p>The bags under his eyes these days were so apparent, Rey even took notice of them from her apartment.</p>
<p>One night she had a break down as they were parallel heaps of melancholy on their respective couches. His girlfriend had been over, and she slammed the door behind her. So hard, in fact, that Rey swore <em>she</em> even felt it.</p>
<p>Rey told herself that she <em>shouldn’t </em>be concerned with what were his issues, but…she found that she couldn’t help herself.</p>
<p>She raised her eyes over the back of her coach and frowned at him. Rey honestly wouldn’t have imagined this was going to happen, routines the same again, and yet it wasn’t how she wanted it to be at all. It was a little insane to think about how she had just been attempting to be able to accept B and his girlfriend, even going as far to be happy for him and trying to move on herself. Moving on, however, had never been her strong suit.</p>
<p>“You can’t do this to me, goddamit!” She yelled at the ceiling as she fell back on her couch, “you can’t, you can’t you <em>can’t</em>!”</p>
<p>After a few moments, her eyes found his slumping form once more, “You can’t be falling apart, too.”</p>
<p>She felt this way because she thought he deserved to be happy, even if she wasn’t. Now how were they supposed to keep this neighborly relationship up with both of them in the hospital bed and no one sitting on the chair next to it?</p>
<p>They were rewatching <em>Parks and Recreation </em>now. It was the episode where Leslie tries to hire Ann as her campaign manager, and Ben is quite aimless and unknowingly miserable after leaving his job. The episode was playing as Rey would sporadically sob, chew ice, and laugh.</p>
<p>“Ben is massively depressed and he needs my help.” Chris said on the screen as he did all he could to try and help out his misguided friend with his very forward approach.</p>
<p>Rey laughed at the irony. Look at her and B, both depressed and alone.</p>
<p>Ben was trying to show off his misshapen calzones to Chris and offered him one. Chris fully disregarded them and continued with his intervention, “No. I find calzones fatty and unnecessary…So you’ve hit a bit of a rough patch. And I care about you, so I just want to make sure that you’re doing okay.”</p>
<p>Rey wasn’t really looking at the screen at the moment, but hearing that line gave her pause; she thought about it, replaying it over and over in her head.</p>
<p>Several minutes passed by with her contemplating these words.</p>
<p>Then, it finally occurred to her what she was doing. It was exactly why she hated to feel so alone after B had ejected himself from their routines, and ultimately, why Rey had begun to start up this fever dream of synchronizing her depression Netflix binging and poor eating habits with his in the first place.</p>
<p>It was like finally finding that bottle of vodka in the back of the freezer you’ve been looking for.</p>
<p>She…cared. She cared about B. She didn’t even know him, but she cared about him.</p>
<p>Rey scoffed when she thought this, but didn’t she know him, in some kind of way? She knew his normal routines, eating habits, how he was around his mother and animals, what he looked like in a towel—which was very important, what he liked to watch, and how tireless his work ethic was. And now she knew what he looked like when he was sad. It involved a lot less girlfriend and a lot more sodium.</p>
<p>As odd as their relationship was, neighbors separated by a street, she now understood that she cared. And that was the reason she couldn’t shake him. The reason she was just trying to be happy for him in his relationship. The reason her heart sank every time she saw he was drooping on the couch. The reason she was particularly distraught to see that his dog was still nowhere to be found. And <em>that </em>was the reason, she couldn’t not concern herself with his problems.</p>
<p>It was amazing, really, that it took her this long to realize. Her cold, dead heart had somehow let this brooding mountain of a man in, even if it was just a little.</p>
<p>It made her feel strange. Just what was she supposed to do with this? How could she be feeling this way? She still didn’t even know his name!</p>
<p>But, really, did that matter? She thought of Rose trying to tell her that feelings weren’t such a bad thing.</p>
<p>Okay, right. Feelings. Okay.</p>
<p>The episode of <em>Parks and Rec </em>went on, and Chris was still trying to show Ben that he cared about him with his blunt words and disgusting herb smoothies.</p>
<p>Should she…try and do something for him? To show that she cared?</p>
<p>She snorted to herself while imagining showing up at his door with B's horrified face finally resting his eyes on his depressed neighbor. No, that wouldn’t do.</p>
<p>Maybe she could do something from afar. Maybe she could like, leave something at his door. Just to remind him that someone cares.</p>
<p>Yes, that’s what she could do.</p>
<p>The music sounded on the credits as the next episode started in a few seconds.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>She settled on just leaving him some cupcakes from her favorite bakery in LA. Well, if she were honest with herself, her favorite bakery was in the valley still; this was just her favorite, most convenient bakery. It was just down her street, so she wasn’t going to face the 405 traffic at this time a day just for some cupcakes. No, this bakery will do fine. Normally, she was sure that B would have preferred a belt-tasting herb smoothie like Chris, but given his recent depression eating habits, she thought he would be more likely to enjoy the extra calories and complex carbohydrates. She wasn’t particularly sure how these gestures for strangers that weren’t exactly strangers were supposed to work anyway, and really, who had been in this sort of situation before? Rey wracked her brain the whole night before on what she should do that didn’t seem completely insane, but she realized that this whole thing was insane no matter how she spun it, so the cupcakes were going to have to do. It’s not like she was going to have a barbershop quartet come and sing to him or leave him flowers. The message she wanted to send was simple.</p>
<p>Then she thought about whether or not she should leave a note. This whole ‘show B someone cares’ wasn’t for the notoriety of it, so she didn’t want the hand writing to be traced back to her in some sort of way. And what was she supposed to say on it?</p>
<p>‘Hey! I’ve been watching you for what seems like months and months now, and I’ve noticed that you’ve been a bit depressed lately. Enjoy!’</p>
<p>She kind of giggled at the image of the quartet singing that to him, however. That could <em>definitely </em>get traced back to her. No, she’ll just leave it at his door like that and hoped he would get the message.</p>
<p>It occurred to her that she was actually going to do this. She actually was. She was waiting until someone walked into the door of the building, which ended up being these two older women, and one of them even commented on her bounty with a "Oh, those look <em>delicious</em> dear!" and Rey smiled awkwardly at her, too focused on her task to respond in any meaningful way.</p>
<p>And now she was riding up to the third floor. Her heart was racing like crazy and her palms were getting sweaty; the cupcakes almost slipped out of her hands, in fact.</p>
<p>Then an unquestionably horrifying thought fell into her mind.</p>
<p>
  <em>What if I…run into him?</em>
</p>
<p>She could not think of anything worse.</p>
<p>
  <em>What if the elevator doors open and he’s there? What if he opens the door right as I’m dropping them off?</em>
</p>
<p>She had to cease her negative thoughts and put on a brave face. That didn’t stop her from turning in the other direction when the doors did open, however.</p>
<p>Something or someone was looking out for her because he was nowhere to be seen in the elevator lobby or the hallway, and luckily, it was still the same set up as her building. Rey walked around the corner and approached the door she absolutely prayed that it was his.</p>
<p>
  <em>Should I knock and run away? ...no best not to press my luck.</em>
</p>
<p>She left them there, and again implored that no one would take them before he saw them. They weren’t in a bad neighborhood, but you never know. She gave them one last glace and turned the corner again, making it back to her own building.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey was dying to know if he successfully received them, and found that she was immediately disappointed when she came home and saw that they weren’t just magically on his counter. When he wasn’t even home. Right, okay. Now it’s a waiting game.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The cupcakes did end up on his counter eventually, but she didn’t see him touch them. They sat there for a day or so, and then after that, Rey figured that he might have thrown or given them away. It made Rey’s heart sink a little, but him devouring them was not the point. The point was that she did something nice for him, and she hoped he understood that someone out there cared.</p>
<p><em>Alright, so your little cupcake plan back fired, so what? He </em>got <em>them at least.</em></p>
<p>Now she was going to reward herself with cupcakes of her own.</p>
<p>
  <em>Stupid. You knew that you were going to want some! Now you have to go back and get some.</em>
</p>
<p>After she got home from work a few days later, she decided to go and pick a few up. On her walk over, she was glowering at her phone over some email that Ackbar had sent her.</p>
<p>She scoffed, and furiously began to respond, “Oh fuck me, I sent in those reports already!” She said to herself as she opened the door to the bakery. She was so wrapped up in her most passive aggressive professional email she could muster that she did not see someone was leaving at the same time. Her face was met with the person’s chest and their cupcakes spilled all over the floor along with her phone. Dismayed at her lack of grace, she couldn’t face them, so she opted to pick everything up herself.</p>
<p>“Bollocks! I am so sorry! I’ll pay for some new ones; I didn’t even see you!”</p>
<p>She collected all of the offending items and her eyes met with the person’s shoes. The person’s very, very large shoes. She started to stand at a glacially slow pace as the person’s entire thick body came into view. She stopped eye level at his wide chest that read ‘USC’ across it. Her face was as red as the trojan shirt he bore by the time she brought herself to look up into his face.</p>
<p>It was B alright. And this close, she finally got to see his stunning face in all its glory. Despite the signs of sleep deprivation, she saw that he had the most striking birth marks sprinkled all over and beautiful chocolate eyes. That was the real Chocolate Rain for you. She was completely gawking at him with absolutely no cognitive thought in her empty brain.</p>
<p>He appeared to be just as surprised, as his expression told her, but he seemed to manage speech, unlike herself at the moment, “It’s you.” He said in a bewildered tone with the most soothing, velvety deep voice she had ever heard.</p>
<p>Okay, so he was perfect. And now she was making a complete arse of herself, open-mouth staring, and it all suddenly was too overwhelming to bare. She was pretty sure that she was on the verge of another near heart attack, which was the second caused by him.</p>
<p>Before she had any sort of understanding of what she was doing, she was shoving the ruined cupcakes into his amazing, sculpted chest, and when his massive hands reflexively closed around them, she turned and promptly ran way. Like a real adult.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey replayed the whole horrendous scene over and over and over in her head. She wanted to hide and run away forever. Perhaps she really should move. Maybe ugly half-naked guy would be looking for a new roommate. Things were so, so much easier for her when he was around. No making a fool of herself in front of that chest.</p>
<p>It kept her up at night. What she really couldn’t shake was the fact that he <em>did </em>look absolutely horrified. He must have been so upset to be finally faced with his stalker.</p>
<p>‘It’s you.’</p>
<p>God Lord, she was going to keel over and die.</p>
<p>‘It’s you.’</p>
<p>She was going to have to fly back to the UK, change her name, and never speak of this to anyone.</p>
<p>‘It’s you.’</p>
<p>Honestly not being able to take it anymore, she risked coming out of her room for the first time in hours, and slowly peered around one of her house plants. Thank her lucky stars again, he was nowhere to be seen.</p>
<p>She couldn’t chance seeing him again, reliving every terrible moment; she just couldn’t.</p>
<p>‘It’s you.’</p>
<p>Rey ran and closed all of her blinds for the first time to him. Natural light be damned.</p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>This week Jess joined Rose and her for brunch, and she invited Jess over for a while to go over plans. She tried to keep the conversation light. B’s face and haunting voice plagued her dreams, so she really did not get an adequate amount of rest. She also certainly did not divulge the girls with the absolutely atrocious story. Rey still needed time, and Rose was just happy that she was back at brunch again.</p>
<p>“Thanks for helping out, Jess. Ackbar’s has been riding me for this.”</p>
<p>It was entirely that stupid little fish faced man’s fault she was in this predicament in the first place. Luckily Jess hadn’t pressed her on why she had the shades drawn in the middle of the day, and why they were relying on electricity when Rey’s apartment was literally lined with windows. Rose certainly would have and Rey simply could not deal with that right now.</p>
<p>“Sure,” Jess said as she was putting her shoes back on. Rey had insisted on her making herself at home, “anytime Rey! I was kind of surprised that you even asked me. Normally you just keep to yourself on these matters.”</p>
<p>Rey shrugged, “Yeah, well, I’ve been trying to work on that lately. You know asking for…” Rey paused and whispered, “<em>help</em>.”</p>
<p>Not on everything in her life, obviously, but on matters purely having to do with the most infuriating AC unit known to man.</p>
<p>Jess shook her head, “You’re hilarious Kenobi. When are we going to go out next?”</p>
<p>Rey laughed, “You just name the time and the place, Pava.”</p>
<p>“You got it! Maybe this time you can bag yourself a guy who writes jingles!”</p>
<p>She blushed and emphasized with her arm back and forth as she spoke, “Here’s hoping!”</p>
<p>“Ta ta!” Jess said as Rey walked her to the door. She sighed, leaning against it after she left. Rey reflected on her coworker and smiled because despite the ridiculousness of that night, she really did have a good time with her. She was starting to be an actual friend to her, and Lord knows she needed more of those in her life. And maybe sleeping with another rando would help her forget that rich, deep voice and beautiful moles.</p>
<p>‘It’s you.’</p>
<p>Ugh, of course he was going to look even better up close; what else should she have expected?</p>
<p>‘It’s you.’</p>
<p>This was just like another fever she needed to sweat out. Yeah, maybe, she could just pull out her trusty old vibrator and relieve herself, and then perhaps she could open her blinds by next spring.</p>
<p>Satisfied with her plan, Rey pushed herself from the door and set her mind on all of the deliciously dirty things that voice could whisper in her ear after he bit it. She had made it to her room and pulled the toy out of her drawer, glad it hadn’t started collecting dust and the batteries still worked when the she heard the door knock. That was strange. It must have been Jess because the only other thing she could think of was some kind of solicitor, and she definitely did not want to speak to one of them when she could be thinking about B fucking her silly, one last time of course. To get it out of her system.</p>
<p>It had to be Jess because there was another knock. The postman was ringing twice alright. <em>Okay fine</em>. She put the vibrator down on her bed and walked over to the door when a third knock sounded.</p>
<p>“Jeez, Jess did you forget your tits or something?” She asked as she opened it. When she saw who it was, she almost slammed it immediately. It most certainly was <em>not </em>Jess. It was B. Dressed in a normal black t shirt and jeans. Looking like an absolute snack and her life was absolutely terrible.</p>
<p>“Hi.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <h2></h2>
<p><br/> <br/>WE. HAVE. MADE. CONTACT.<br/>🚨🚨🚨THIS IS NOT A DRILL🚨🚨🚨</p>
<p>OMGGG YOU GUYS. I have been WAITING for this for so long. Ugh, I wrote this in like the beginning of June I think? And while I was writing this scene and the next one where they actually interact I was like: I am so PUMPED. And was this chapter based off of <a href="https://i.redd.it/rrazdu2dgta41.jpg">this</a> meme? Perhaps. Sorry if you've never watched the show, but it's on Netflix (at least it is in the US 😬😬😬)! Definitely give it a watch if you haven't, and this particular episode is season 4 episode 11. For quite some time I wanted to divide this into two chapters, but I was like you know what, I've put them through a lot with this fic; they deserve this whole long scene! Enjoy, my babies.</p>
<p>APODFJAOLGKAWD I only made you guys wait 25 thousand words before they even spoke one word to each other 🤷🏼🤷🏼🤷🏼 What can I say?? Anyway, I am just dying that we've finally gotten here, so thank you thank you thank you for sticking it out with me. You guys are amazing, thank you so much for the read! </p>
<p>Please come see me on <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Ahhh are you even reading this because it's finally HERE omg enjoy my darlings!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hi.” He said before they stood there silent for a few moments in that voice she was literally just imagining saying the raunchiest of things to her.</p><p>And as they were in this stillness after his succinct greeting, Rey realized that she wasn’t strong enough to do whatever it was they were doing, so she gave into her baser instinct and slammed it right in his face.</p><p>Okay, what was she currently doing? B was <em>here</em>. At her door, and now in their sparse in person interactions she had run away from him and slammed the door on him. What was wrong with her? She took a deep breath and told herself she could do this, and hoped he hadn’t left when she turned the knob again.</p><p>He hadn’t; he was still there, somehow, and was wearing the same exact hard to read expression.</p><p>Rey opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. Words. Yes, she could say those, “What are you,” she managed to choke out, “what are you doing here?” It came out a lot harsher than she meant it to because she realized that she hated seeing that sad puppy eyed look on his face.</p><p>He looked down, placing a large hand on the frame of the door, “I…don’t know, really.”</p><p>Rey would have been more likely to believe that it was her bloody <em>parents </em>on the other side of the door than a doe eyed, befuddled B.</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I just,” he stood up straighter and tapped at the frame of the door for a couple of seconds with one of his fingers. Restless hands, “I wanted, no, I <em>needed </em>to see you. Talk to you. For once.”</p><p>Now it was her turn to be perplexed, “Why?”</p><p>He adjusted himself again, standing to his full height, dear god in heaven why did he have to be so <em>tall</em>? It was a lot harder to deny with him <em>standing right in front of her</em>.</p><p>“I wanted to explain myself over what happened last week.” He said crossing his arms, showing off those biceps with just as many marvelous birth marks all over them.</p><p>She wondered if things would ever make sense to her again, “<em>You </em>explain <em>yourself</em>? I was the one who made a complete <em>arse </em>of myself.”</p><p>He laughed a bit at that, a beautiful sound, facing the floor again, mumbling what sounded to be the word ‘arse’ to himself as he revealed dimples that Rey was pretty sure she could swim laps in and made her almost fall over.</p><p>His eyes met hers, appearing to be a lot more upbeat, despite the darkness under them, “Are you kidding me? I am the one who just froze up and stood there like a big buffoon.”</p><p>“But I,” she stood indignantly, “I ran away! In broad daylight!”</p><p>“And I <em>let </em>you run away. I think it was a full two minutes before I could even move again. I think the owner of the bakery wanted to call the police because he was certain I had like, murdered someone with the way you ran away from me!”</p><p>She still, even though it had been at least a minute or so since he was actually standing here and he apparently <em>wasn’t </em>a hallucination, was stunned, “Are you serious? Dexter? He’s the sweetest man!”</p><p>B chuckled and shook his head, “Well apparently I am not welcome to show my ‘massive, mole infested face’ around there anymore.” He emphasized with air quotes.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Rey giggled, holding a hand up to her face, “he did <em>not </em>say that to you!”</p><p>She was rewarded with being shown his dimple again, as he looked down at the floor and kicked it, “Yup. The people that kept trying to come in made comments thinking I was some weird new bouncer or something, and then I was just so embarrassed that <em>I </em>nearly ran away.”</p><p>Their eyes met with near bursting smiles as Rey gave into the risibility of the moment before they broke into complete and utter laughter. Rey had somehow ascended out of herself because there was no way she was here in her doorway with B, imagining his giant body running away from a <em>cupcake bakery </em>of all things.</p><p>She was laughing until her sides hurt and felt like she nearly was going to fall over again. He similarly was bracing himself with the doorframe again, but this time with both hands, and was practically looming over her.</p><p>As their amusement eventually died down, his position did not move, and his gaze met hers, “What’s your name?”</p><p>She felt like she was going to cry, honestly, “Rey.”</p><p>“Rey,” he repeated, and it did things to her to hear her name come from his lips, which were entirely too enticing in this close of a proximity, “that is, very fitting.”</p><p>Her brows scrunched together, “Why do you say that?”</p><p>“Because,” he started, standing up straight again, “because you love the sunlight.” It wasn’t a question. He just knew, “you have all your house plants around that you take care of constantly, and when you take care of them and water them, it seems like you’re basking in it, and you never…”</p><p>It was insane. This was insane. She was hanging on his every word, “I never what?”</p><p>“You never,” he stated, his eyes looking past her poignantly, “close your blinds.”</p><p>Like they were closed now. Her eyes met the floor in shame.</p><p>“Rey, I,” he started as his expression bore a quizzical quality, like he was working out a very difficult math problem in his head as his dark brows furrowed, “I thought I could handle it. When I came home and saw that you closed them, I thought I could be patient and wait, knowing you were in there somewhere, but I just couldn’t take it anymore.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Rey asked, not realizing she was slightly leaning towards him.</p><p>He ran one of his massive hands over his face and sighed, “When you ran into me at the bakery, I finally put it together that it was you who left them for me, and I couldn’t live with myself letting you think that you did something wrong.”</p><p>“Oh…” she said simply, feeling like Kaydel, not knowing what to say.</p><p>“I just hope you aren’t upset with me. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had to run away from me. After all this time.”</p><p>His sad, slumped expression made her weak, and she since she didn’t want him to feel that way either, Rey amazed even herself by pulling at his arm, much more gently than she had with Mr. Greeting Card and tried her best <em>not </em>to focus on the handful of muscle she was grasping, into her apartment. She closed the door and then led him to the couch. It was amazing that such a big person could be so easily conducted around. She motioned for him to take a seat by pushing on his shoulder slightly, and as he did, she took hers on the other side of it.</p><p>He started again with his dialogue immediately, “Rey, there’s something else, I—”</p><p>“What is,” she felt remorseful for interrupting him, but she couldn’t last another moment not knowing his name when he knew hers, “<em>your</em> name?”</p><p>He stopped and looked at her with those doe eyes again, “It’s Ben.”</p><p>She had clearly died in her sleep the night before because this was starting to get eerie, “No, it’s not.”</p><p>B, no, <em>Ben </em>kept his stare on her, confused, “Yeah, it is.”</p><p>
  <em>Ben is massively depressed and he needs my help.</em>
</p><p>She must have looked completely obfuscated herself, because he gave a small, disarming grin, “What?”</p><p>“Nothing it’s just that,” what was she supposed to say, the truth, and how strange that was? And how she had been calling him <em>B </em>of all things in her head for almost a year, which stemmed from hot neighbor <em>Boy</em>? No, probably shouldn’t let that one out during their <em>first </em>conversation, “it’s a very fitting name for you too.”</p><p>His smirk grew, and he ran his hand through his hair as he looked down, “Is it because of my passion for making stop motion films?”</p><p>The <em>Parks and Rec </em>reference made her smile too, “Maybe,” she stated as he faced her, eyes shining, “I’ve heard that they rival <em>Avatar</em> after all.”</p><p>They shared another bout of laughter, albeit it was much smaller than the last one.</p><p>“Rey,” he breathed, and she didn’t think she would ever tire hearing him say her name, “I also…didn’t like<em> not</em> being able to see you. That was another reason I came here.”</p><p>Her heart skipped about twenty beats, and she ticked off a third possible cardiac arrest because of this man, “What?”</p><p>He became disconcerted, evidently having gauged her response in the wrong way, “No! No, like that,” he backtracked. He was even more adorable when he was flustered, “not like I sit there and <em>watch </em>you or anything creepy like that, I just…like knowing that you’re there. I don’t know why, but it’s, comforting to me in a way.”</p><p>Rey couldn’t believe this whole time, he had felt the same way. All these months, she had been finding comfort in <em>him</em>, making dinner with her, or him playing his first-person shooters while she played <em>Uncharted</em>, feeling like that was the closest she could get to the genre. She never would have thought it was a mutual feeling.</p><p>For a few seconds, silence hung in the air as she was rendered speechless before a thought occurred to her, “How did you know I was here now then?”</p><p>He blushed, running his hand through his hair again, “I…noticed that you usually go out with your friends on Saturday or Sunday mornings. I always guessed it was like to brunch or something like that. I was just hoping that one of them wouldn’t <em>be </em>here when I knocked, so I waited a bit because I know you have them over sometimes. When I saw one of them leaving, I thought I was in the clear. I didn’t recognize her though.”</p><p><em>Alright, the jury’s in</em>. Her neighbor Ben was the most adorable person on the planet. And he seemed to have stalked her schedule just as much as she had his. That made her feel, like immeasurably better.</p><p>She sniggered, and his expression looked pained, so she set out to relieve him of it, “I feel the same way Ben.”</p><p>Her goal was accomplished as his countenance brightened with another winning smile, showing off his teeth, and he held his hands over his whole face as his elbows rested on his thighs, “Oh, thank <em>God</em>,” he expressed as he sighed deeply with closed eyes, “I thought for a minute there you were going to kick me out and never open your blinds again.”</p><p>Rey giggled, and stared at him for a few instants. He opened his eyes once more, turned his head, and presented her with a small diffident grin.</p><p>At this, Rey knew what she needed to do. Before she could convince herself not to, she was on her feet, stepping quickly to her windows and began to open them all. It took her a couple of minutes, and one of them got stuck pretty severely—they were not used to being closed like this—but soon enough, they were all open again. She stood there staring out at the sunlight, and as Ben would say, was basking in it. She breathed deeply for a spell before turning around.</p><p>She was met face to face with Ben, and he looked so much more incredible in the natural light, his brown eyes glowing like amber. He walked up next to her in the window, and his countenance had that quizzical look again, his eyes scanning her deeply. It was like he was holding something back, and before Rey could question what it was that was besetting him, he was wrapping his arms around her in an embrace. He cradled her head, and after Rey’s momentary shock wore off, she wound her arms around his torso as much as she could and held back a sob. She couldn’t even remember the last time she was held like this. They stood there for what felt like a long time. In the very spot where she had first seen him, with him carrying that box while she struggled to hold onto her Chinese food.</p><p>“Thank you.” He mumbled into her hair. They pulled away from each other slightly so she could stare up at him.</p><p>“For what?”</p><p>Ben smiled, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “For everything. For reminding me to exercise, sitting at the table with me while we worked or ate, staying up late with me,” he explained as his arms loosened from her and she practically whimpered at the lack of contact, “for playing video games with me, for…binging Netflix with me as of late. For the <em>cupcakes</em>.”</p><p>Rey snickered and wanted to hug him all over again, “I thought you threw those away.”</p><p>“I wanted to because they were like, random food placed on my doorstep, but they continued to sit there on my counter, calling to me.”</p><p>“And?” Rey asked expectantly.</p><p>“And I ate all of them in like, one setting.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes widened. How did she miss that?</p><p>“Wow, Mr. 0% body fat,” he smiled as she jabbed at him, “I almost went with an herb smoothie.”</p><p>“Oh, no,” his eyes ever expressive brightened, “just because I never eat junk food doesn’t mean that I don’t crave it. That’s why I had to look the place up and get more…or I <em>tried </em>to. Someone one kind of ruined them.”</p><p>“I did offer to pay for some more, to be fair.”</p><p>“And were you going to do that before or <em>after</em> you ran away?” He asked as he crossed his arms.</p><p>It was kind of amazing how swiftly they had settled into such an easy banter, “I had just suddenly realized that I needed to get my laps in,” she joked defensively, “If you had waited a little longer, I would have come back around the block.”</p><p>He narrowed his eyes at her, “You don’t run laps.”</p><p>She crossed her arms too, “How do you know?”</p><p>He gave her a ‘really’ expression before responding, “I’ve literally never seen you run laps anywhere around here, and I’ve been running to and from the park for almost a year now.”</p><p>It was astonishing that they really hadn’t run into each other sooner when Rey thought about it. Los Angeles was big, but they lived across the freaking street from one another. She supposed that’s what they got for keeping each other at that street’s length.</p><p>“And besides,” he added, “I think you prefer yoga any way.”</p><p>She blushed, not still fully comprehending his expansive knowledge of her.</p><p>“Why did you do it?” He asked quietly, his eyes going downcast and then up again at her again.</p><p>“Do what?”</p><p>“Buy them for me? You didn’t even let me know it was you. No note or anything.”</p><p>She sighed, not really knowing how to explain it properly, “I just…wanted you to know that someone cared.”</p><p>“Oh.” He responded.</p><p>Ben’s face fell for some reason, and she found that she was constantly wanting to change it into a happier one, “After all, Ben is massively depressed and he needs my help.”</p><p>He smiled instantly, and her heart fluttered. She also found that she liked it when she was able to successfully do that as well. It was where this whole idea had sprung from, anyway.</p><p>Their eyes met. They were still fairly close to one another, and she thought for a deciduous moment or two that he might kiss her. Lord knows she wanted him to. They took a couple more breaths like that and she noticed his eye twitch.</p><p>Before she could wonder if she should lean in or not, however, Bebe took the perfect time to rub up next to her feet, wrapping himself around them. He meowed while rubbing her shin.</p><p>Ben looked down and smiled, “Oh my goodness,” he crooned, somehow making his voice several octaves higher and picked Bebe up, presenting him like he was a reverse Simba in front of him, “I have been wanting to pet this kitty for so long!”</p><p>Bebe just meowed at him, and he brought him to his chest, petting and snuggling him she while tried her best not to jump his bones completely after that entire display.</p><p>She shook her head to attempt to rid herself of her licentious urges, “So, you like cats too?”</p><p>He nuzzled Bebe to his face and sighed, “I love any animal that give me the time of day.”</p><p>Rey laughed and felt her knees go weak. She gave Bebe a pet while Ben still held him, “Well this is Bebe…He probably recognizes you!”</p><p>Ben smiled and held the kitty up to him again and let out that high pitched voice once more, “I bet he does, I bet he knew I wanted to pet him all this time.”</p><p>Bebe meowed again.</p><p>He laughed and put him down on the floor, “I thought he would be a friendly cat.”</p><p>Rey sighed and hoped it wasn’t obvious that she was now totally hot and bothered. Because he pet her cat. And used that voice. She imagined that it was the voice he had always been using when he played with his dog…Oh no.</p><p>His dog.</p><p>“Where’s your dog?” Rey asked before she could stop herself.</p><p>She detested that she was the reason that is face fell again, but she had to know. Ben ran his hand through his hair, a nervous habit that she was already picking up on.</p><p>“R2? He…got hit by a car—”</p><p>“Oh my goodness,” Rey interjected, holding her hand over her chest, “Ben I’m so—”</p><p>“He’s okay!” he interrupted, holding up his hands, “he was badly injured with a broken leg, but he’s alive. He’s at my parent’s house. I figured he was better off there because he would have a yard to run around in while he recovered.”</p><p>Rey exhaled through her nostrils and still held her hand to her chest, “Okay good. Oh, thank God.”</p><p>Ben nodded at her, and relief washed over her. She then got angry and punched him in the shoulder.</p><p>“Ow!” He shouted, rubbing the accosted body part.</p><p>“You should have led with that, Benjamin! Don’t let me go around thinking your adorable dog is dead, for Christ’s sake!”</p><p>“Okay,” he said, still rubbing his shoulder, “sorry.”</p><p>They stood there for a few seconds before he spoke up again, “How do you know that’s what Ben is short for?”</p><p>“Oh,” she smiled deviously, “you’re definitely a Benjamin. I can just see your regal mother shouting it at you as you ran around like a little cretin.”</p><p>He laughed, finally letting go of his shoulder, “Yeah, can’t deny that. I certainly heard a lot of ‘Benjamin Anakin Solo, when I get my hands on you, I’m going to ring your little neck!’ growing up. And in my adolescence. And now.”</p><p>Rey lost it with the high pitch impression of his mother, which was an entirely diverse one from his pet voice, and thought about how at one point she would have been blessed to even know his name at all, let alone his full one. It was beautiful.</p><p>She realized that although she seemed to know him in an outward sort of way, knowing his habits and various affinities, she desired to know everything else about him, too, “And how is your mother? She hasn’t been over in a while.”</p><p>“She’s fine,” he stated flatly, “I’ve been a little…preoccupied lately for her to come over.”</p><p>Rey wanted to tell him that she knew. Rey wanted to tell him that she understood and hold him. She wanted to tell him that she thought it was adorable that he always got dressed up for when his mother came over. But she felt like she couldn’t, though, because despite the fact that they seemed to have grown quite comfortable with one another very quickly, she didn’t think they were <em>there </em>yet. So, she opted for a percipient expression that she hoped he could read as she was pouring everything she was feeling into it. And somehow, she thought he had, because he nodded in such a way that was akin to ‘I know you know.’</p><p>“It’s so strange, actually being in here,” he started, changing the subject as he walked around, observing everything he could put his eyes on, “seeing all of this stuff up close.”</p><p>As his scrupulous eyes went on, he was practically across the whole apartment from her now, holding up a figurine of a blue butterfly, which was courtesy of some random garage sale off the 5 North. Rey was stuck in traffic one day, trying to avoid it with the route her GPS was giving her, and saw the sale, not being able to help herself. She didn’t know why, but she was drawn to that one, thinking it was pretty. It was only a dollar.</p><p>“Seeing <em>you </em>up close.” He continued from a previous thought, pulling Rey back to the present. His back was facing to her as he set down the figurine and slowly turned to meet her eyes. That was also something that she felt the same way about, and she was quickly learning that hot neighbor boy, aka Ben Solo, was going to be the death of her. Probably due to heart issues.</p><p>“Rey, there is something that I want to ask you…it’s something I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time,” he stated, making his way to her once more, eyes not leaving hers.</p><p>“Yes, Ben?” She inquired. Just like how she thought she would never tire of hearing him say her name, she thought she would also never tire of saying his. B as in <em>Ben</em>.</p><p>“Can I <em>please</em>,” he emphasized stepping towards her as her breath hitched, “cook you a proper meal?”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>If someone had told Rey that the way she would be starting her evening would be watching (B)en expertly chop up vegetables for a homemade chimichurri sauce while she drank pinot nior, well, she certainly would have thought that person was a bit looney. She sat on the other side of the island, mesmerized by his movements. His expertise and furrowed brow made Rey wonder if there was literally anything wrong with him. There certainly had to be, but she hadn’t seen anything yet.</p><p>When he had asked if he could make her dinner, instead of being appreciative that this beautiful man wanted to do such a nice thing for her, she of course had to be her completely cantankerous self and responded with skepticism.</p><p>“Is that a dig at me?” She asked with narrowed eyes.</p><p>He grinned, crossing his arms, “Yeah, that’s why I asked.”</p><p>“Excuse me!” She exclaimed, “There is nothing wrong with my cooking.”</p><p>Ben shook his head, walking over to her kitchen anyway, and began to open drawers until he found what he was looking for. He held up a meat tenderizer, “What is this then?”</p><p>“There’s no need to patronize me Benjamin, I know that’s a meat tenderizer.”</p><p>“Right, it is for <em>tenderizing meat</em>. It is <em>not </em>for trying to nail pictures up on the wall.”</p><p>She stood there, mouth agape, and then adopted a defensive tone, “I couldn’t find my hammer, so it worked in a pinch! I am <em>so sorry</em> Gordon Ramsay!”</p><p>“It would be an honor,” Ben said pointing to her with the tenderizer, “and a privilege to be compared to that man. <em>You </em>should just be honored that he is your countryman.”</p><p>Rey just scoffed, and he proceeded to just start and make her dinner anyway. He opened the fridge and began to mutter to himself phrases like ‘yeah, this is exactly what I expected,’ ‘I can’t believe she <em>chooses </em>to live like this,’ and ‘what the hell is this?’ when he would pick up and smell various items. Rey would have been offended, but this meant she got to just check out his backside the whole time without him noticing, so she figured it was a fair trade.  </p><p>Once he finally settled on something given the materials he was provided, he asked her if she wanted to open a bottle of wine and put the fifth season of <em>Parks and Recreation </em>on since that is where they last left off of their binging. Certainly, he still had to judge her wine selection, or lack thereof, and selected the best pairing with their meal. He opened it and swirled it around in the glass.</p><p>“I’ve never heard of this winery.”</p><p>Rey shrugged one of her shoulders and drank from her own glass, “I just bought it because I thought the bottle was pretty.”</p><p>Ben just smiled into his glass and remained silent.</p><p>Now she was sipping this medium bodied—Rey still didn’t know what the hell that meant, but didn’t question it—red as Leslie was doing something energetic in her periphery.</p><p>“So,” Rey started after she instructed him where the blender was; he was now throwing several items in it, “I am guessing you learned how to cook from your mother.”</p><p>“Picked up on that, huh?” He asked as he started the blender for a bit while he located a spoon in one of her drawers. Turning it off, he dipped into the sauce and tasted it, nodded, and then decided to put a little bit more lemon juice in it. When he seemed satisfied, he answered her question, “Yes, it was important to her that I learn certain skills when I was growing up, which included cooking.”</p><p>Rey smiled, jealous of the idea of being taught how to cook from your mom, “What other <em>skills </em>did she teach you?”</p><p>He sighed, “If you must know—”</p><p>“I must.” She interrupted.</p><p>Then he was smiling, seemingly satisfied with the sauce, and moved onto something else, “If you must know, obviously immaculate table manners, calligraphy…and <em>hair </em>upkeep.”</p><p>Well that was obvious as his was magnificent, but that still seemed odd to her, “Do mothers often teach their sons that?”</p><p>“I don’t believe so,” Ben turned, getting the steaks that had been defrosting in the sink; Rey didn’t even know how long those had been in her freezer, “but her focus was more on what may or may not have been…braiding hair.”</p><p>It took a few seconds for Rey to be able to respond because that is <em>not </em>what she was expecting, “You, can braid hair?”</p><p>His back was still to her and he sighed, bracing himself on the counter, “Yeah. I’m like stupid good at it.”</p><p>He turned to her, and by the expression on his face, it looked like he was expecting ridicule, but Rey was just astonished again. A slow smile creeped up, “I think that’s lovely. You’ll have to show me sometime.”</p><p>Unfortunately, his beautiful smile was apparently meant for the floor and not for her, and Rey started to imagine what it would be like for those boat oars she supposed passed for hands to be in her scalp, nimbly twisting her locks. Ben nodded as she resisted the urge to sigh, and he returned to the counter in front of her, starting to prepare the seasoning for the steaks.</p><p>“Your mother also sounds lovely. I bet she was a great mom.”</p><p>Ben paused his steady actions over the cutting board for a couple of moments before he continued again; his mind clearly went somewhere, “She was when she was around.”</p><p>Rey’s questioning gaze was a good enough response for him to know to elaborate, “She was gone a lot when I was growing up. Both my parents were. They both had high powered jobs and never really learned how to balance having a child on top of that.”</p><p>Wishing she could respond in kind, sympathizing with him and telling him she understood what it felt like to be lonely as a child, she knew she wasn’t going to. He was being so open and honest with her, and she couldn’t give him anything; no vulnerability. It wasn’t fair and it made her feel guilty.</p><p>“What did they do?”</p><p>“My dad’s a private pilot for pretty much all of the celebrities in LA, and my mom was…in politics.”</p><p>“What sort of politics?”</p><p>He sighed again, pausing once more. Rey could tell that this was difficult for him.</p><p>“Ben, we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want—”</p><p>“My mother is Leia Organa.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes widened and it looked like the exact expression that Ben was expecting, “Leia Organa, as in…the former mayor of Los Angeles?”</p><p>He started his task again, which included crushing garlic with is knife, “That’s the one.”</p><p>Rey was starting to realize that she and Ben were not in the same caste whatsoever. It intimidated her made her feel inferior in all of the worst ways. It was obviously not Ben’s fault, but his bitter looking expression was what pulled her out of her pity party.</p><p>“Sounds like your family…casts quite the shadow.”</p><p>Ben was putting all the seasonings into a bowl, and gave a short hollow laugh, “You don’t know the half of it.”</p><p>Rey felt like she needed to proceed tactfully. This was obviously a big soft spot for him, and if Rey was correct, probably a giant insecurity, so she thought of her words carefully. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.</p><p>“Well, that shouldn’t matter anyway. You still turned out pretty great I’d say.”</p><p>A slow, small ghost of a smile came onto his lips as he began seasoning the meat. Rey thought it was about time for a subject change.</p><p>“Come on Ramsay, I’m hungry when are you going to be done?”</p><p>The ghost turned into a full on one, and he put the first steak on the pan, “I sort of get the feeling that you are always hungry, so you’re just going to have to be patient.”</p><p>Rey laughed, “I don’t know the meaning of the word.”</p><p>“Didn’t think so.”</p><p>They ate at the table, and started a game to see which assumptions they had made about one another were correct. It began with Ben offhandedly saying “I should have figured you were British with all that tea you drink.”</p><p>She felt like throwing her wine at him, but that would also have to involve her pretending to be accosted at his wet t shirt and insisting that he take it off because we can't let that <em>stain</em>, and while we’re at it, just to be safe, let’s get those pants too...</p><p>…she didn’t know how well that would go over.</p><p>“Well, I am sorry I don’t just gallivant around in a redcoat, you colonist!”</p><p>Ben laughed so hard he nearly snorted his wine everywhere.</p><p>Starting out pretty general with things like ‘you hate cleaning up after yourself and put it off as long as possible’ and ‘you do your laundry nearly every day because you don’t want to ever deal with a bigger load,’ it got more specific with concepts like ‘you only like to watch horror movies at night with the lights off for the extra thrill.’</p><p>Rey was winning luckily, but Ben was on a streak. She scrunched up her nose and held her chin. He was peeking at her over his wine glass.</p><p>“You’re a lawyer.” A hot lawyer, but Rey left that detail out.</p><p>He was silent for a moment before he broke, still holding his glass, “Goddamn, I don’t know how you figured that.”</p><p><em>Victory.</em> Rey shrugged while taking another bite, and her eyes rolled back into her head, “I don’t know how you made this with the ingredients that are in <em>my </em>kitchen,” he chuckled and finished his glass, “oh, right, yeah. It was either a lawyer or a suit salesman.”</p><p>“Yes, and those are the only two options for someone who wears a suit to work.”</p><p>“Obviously. Okay, your turn.”</p><p>He leaned back, crossing his arms, “Hmm. I know you do something with your hands. For a while I thought you were a mechanic, but you’ve always got these plans lying all over the place. And you’re practically glued to your work table sometimes.”</p><p>Rey just kept munching and shrugged.</p><p>“Mechani<em>cal </em>engineer.”</p><p>Her mouth hung open, which was still full of food; then she promptly had to swallow it, feeling very undignified indeed. She was hoping he wasn’t too offended, “And another point for Solo.”</p><p>He made a ‘yes’ gesture with his arm.</p><p>She rolled her eyes and stared at him, picking up her glass. What she really wanted to say was ‘you only close your blinds when you’re getting lucky,’ but she didn’t want to broach that topic. She also didn’t think ‘you wanted to kiss me earlier’ would work either.</p><p>“Your favorite color is black.”</p><p>Ben looked down at his shirt and then back at her with an exasperated expression.</p><p>“Your favorite color is green.”</p><p>“You only like to read on the couch.”</p><p>“You are a chronic ice chewer<em>.</em>”</p><p>“You only allow yourself one soda a week.”</p><p>“You only eat the tops of your muffins.”</p><p>“You always cook extra food for R2 and pretend you’re not going to feed it to him when you know you are.”</p><p>“You have to buy a new trinket at least every couple of weeks.”</p><p>“You…you…bollocks, I swear I had something.” Rey grimaced with her hands flat on the table.</p><p>“Ah ha!” Ben shouted, “got you.”</p><p>Rey could not accept defeat, “You only buy organic food.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s an easy one. Come on, you can do better than that.”</p><p>“I believe I’m still technically right, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Okay,” Ben said in a much calmer voice, “okay, how about we just press pause on it until later?”</p><p>“Only because you know you’ll lose.” Rey accused, finishing up her food.</p><p>Ben blinked a couple of times at her, “I’m sorry, are you being overly competitive to see who stalked who better?”</p><p>Rey narrowed her eyes at him, “Coming from someone who is being <em>just </em>as competitive?”</p><p>He quirked an eyebrow at her as he grinned, “Is this weird?”</p><p>She shrugged, “You should have seen the fun I had with ugly half-naked guy.”</p><p>“Ugly half-naked guy?”</p><p>Rey looked at him disbelievingly, “You know, the guy who lived there before you?”</p><p>“Ah,” Ben said, “well, I’m sorry I didn’t live up to the standard he set.”</p><p>She nodded at him, “Yes, it’s difficult. I miss the late night pogo sticking.”</p><p>He gave her a disbelieving smile, “Okay, that cannot be true.”</p><p>Giggling, she finished her wine as well, “Actually it is. He had a much…different set of interests then you did.”</p><p>“What, you’ve never seen me pogo sticking? It’s my 3am ritual.” Ben countered as he stood, collecting their plates. And he was going to clean up? She could at least help with that. Then she thought about how she sadly <em>knew </em>what his 3am ritual was, and it definitely did <em>not</em> involve pogo sticks, although that would have been eternally entertaining.</p><p>She couldn’t help but laugh to herself as they scrubbed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher in a not at all uncomfortable silence.</p><p>“Thanks for insisting on making dinner,” Rey said as he handed her the pan he used earlier, “I guess it wasn’t <em>so </em>bad.”</p><p>He chuckled, “Don’t even get me started on your other eating habits Rey.”</p><p>“The bottoms of the muffins are shit!”</p><p>Turning off the sink, he wiped his hands dry with one of the dishtowels, “I didn’t realize that the true start of your day should only involve the tops.”</p><p>“Look, Ramsay, not all of us can just flip omelettes around like this the goddamn Riviera.”</p><p>Ben turned and leaned up against the counter, crossing his arms, “Do you even know how to make an omelette? All I’ve ever seen you eat in the mornings is cereal or oatmeal…and the…tops.”</p><p>She huffed and didn’t say anything to him, keeping her eyes in the sink. Rey would have joked about him keeping such a close eye on her breakfast food if she wasn’t someone who noticed his skills with a spatula so much.</p><p>“I’ll make you one tomorrow morning if you want. Just come over to my place and I can show you.”</p><p>Rey conceptualized the idea in her head. It made her smile. It was pretty evident that this is how Ben showed that he cared, even if he wasn’t being so outright about it. Not that she could blame him, despite the fact that they had been in each other’s lives for almost a year now, this was still technically their first meeting.</p><p>“Okay.” She said as she chanced a peek at him.</p><p>He looked satisfied and nodded, pushing himself off the counter. Rey knew what was coming, but she didn’t want him to leave. She felt like if he did, then it was not going to be real. Like he would go back to his apartment and the spell would be broken with them just going back to their normal lives as strangers across the street.</p><p>Ben took a couple of steps towards the tv, which now had the ‘Are you still watching?’ screen on it, and he chortled.</p><p>“It feels weird to be under the same roof with that screen on.”</p><p>She nodded, “Well, I guess we could start watching them together, like, still under the same roof.”</p><p>His gaze fell on the floor, but he still grinned, “I suppose that wouldn’t be such a bad option. Less pathetic that way.”</p><p>“Speak for yourself there, Solo!”</p><p>He held up his hands, “Okay, okay, it’s just <em>me</em> who’s pathetic.”</p><p>Rey scoffed at him, “That’s not what I—”</p><p>“I’m kidding.” He interjected.</p><p>Somehow, they had made it to the door without her rightly realizing it. What did they do now? Do they hug? Do they high five? Do they point finger guns at each other? Rey really wasn’t sure about the protocol was for neighbors that spent months looking at each other without speaking, but still managed to learn one another’s favorite color, was supposed to be. They stood there for a few seconds before their arms just kind of naturally wound around each other anyway.</p><p>“Thank you, for tonight.” Ben whispered just above her ear.</p><p>She wanted to thank him too, for so many things. How was she even supposed to begin to explain her gratitude for him properly?</p><p>He was pulling away from her now, and she couldn’t imagine that she was going to get any sleep after knowing what it felt like to be in his arms. Opening the door, he paused, “9 o’clock? Gordon will whip up the best eggs you’ve ever tasted.”</p><p>“He had better.” She said in a tone that sounded serene to her. Watching him leave felt difficult, and she knew why. Now that he had been here, in her apartment among all of her things, it felt like he was always supposed to be.</p><p>At least it would only be a few moments before she saw him again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Holy. Shit.</p><p>THEYHAVESPOKEN. Wow, that was a lot. Now we can finally get on with the rest of the story, and Rey, well, she remains thirsty. Someone get her a glass of water...or Ben with his shirt off after she spilled wine all over him. Either way. I hope this chapter lived up to all of the hype, and that you thoroughly enjoyed yourself!</p><p>Also! The fate of the pupper has finally been revealed! Trust me ha ha, I know I love my angst, but I would never kill off a dog! I'm not The Last of Us Part 2! (which if you don't know makes you murder like an insane amount of dogs wtf can you tell I'm still bitter) I'm just a drama queen lol. Seriously, it warmed my heart to see how many of you were concerned about R2. He'll be around again soon!</p><p>I love y'all! 💖💖💖</p><p>You know you want to come follow me on <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey was of course, a complete nervous wreck walking over to Ben’s. She ascertained this when she was in front of his building, so she took a deep breath or two and willed herself to press for ‘Solo’ on the list. Thank goodness she did know his last name because she realized too that she didn’t have his number to call him. Rey imagined her just buzzing around until she found him, pissing a bunch of people off in the morning.</p><p>When she had woken up, she was still in pretty severe denial of what was even happening. She was going over to hot neighbor boy’s apartment, so he could cook her breakfast and what planet was she living on, seriously? How was this happening to her? Rey felt apprehensive even stepping out of her room now that she and Ben had been acquainted.</p><p>Ben. His name was freaking Ben. That alone was throwing her off too because what were the chances of that?</p><p>She hyped herself up before braving to venture outside of her room. Honestly at this point she felt embarrassed about how many times she was running around in her apartment with just her panties on. It felt strange to think about Ben seeing her and not just B. She went back to her dresser quickly and put some shorts on. Though, he had often worn just his boxer briefs around as well, so she didn’t know what the protocol was anymore, if there ever was any.</p><p>Rey strode over to the kitchen to heat up some tea before she left, very purposely <em>not </em>looking over at Ben’s until she had some green tea in her system. When her eyes wondered upwards in his direction, she watched him putting various breakfast looking items onto his counter—why must he be shirtless for that?—and he must have felt her eyes on him because he looked up and smiled at her. She smiled back immediately, and it was probably the stupidest fucking grin she had ever worn in her life, she was sure.</p><p>Yup, she was fucked.</p><p>Rey looked down into her tea and pretended to be very focused on cooling it off. Her eyes met his again seemingly on their own accord and he still had them on her, only this time he paired it with a little wave. She waved back while still holding her mug up to herself and sighed. Rey found herself asking in what way was this was currently her reality.</p><p>And now Rey was actually at his door, and he had to have known she was out there, but she needed to give herself a minute. It was already hard enough walking here without getting copious amounts of cupcake incident flashbacks.</p><p><em>Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck why did I think this was a good idea fuck</em>.</p><p>Sighing, she slowly raised her hand to knock on his door.</p><p>Seconds later, he was there with the biggest smile she had ever seen on him, and she instantly felt all of her nerves melt away.</p><p>“Hey, Gordon was by here earlier, you missed it.” He said, welcoming her in. He had mercifully put on a shirt to go along with his basketball shorts, so that solved the whole drooling problem. She was <em>not </em>ready to see this man up close like that.</p><p>“What a pity I missed the fanboying.” She said, stepping inside.</p><p>“Yes, it would have been embarrassing.”</p><p>It smelled like breakfast already, and him. Ben beamed at her and went back to his task at the stove while she took all the liberties he had at her place yesterday and scanned every dustless square inch of his apartment. She touched his books on his shelf, which consisted of a lot of law and fiction, and from what she had been learning about him, she was entirely unsurprised.</p><p>His entertainment system looked a lot nicer up close, and his PS4 was so much cleaner than hers, wires hidden and controllers in their own little caddy; she also noted that it was a very similar situation with his Nintendo Switch. She approached his windows and observed the few plants that he had, feeling the leaves. Rey remembered when she saw them there a few weeks ago.</p><p>“I was inspired by you to get those.” Ben told her from the kitchen. Rey was thankful she wasn’t facing him so he wouldn’t see her blush.</p><p>“Though I must admit I don’t think I have quite the green thumb like you do.”</p><p>He was right. This poor Ficus needed some water and this succulent could handle more sunlight.</p><p>Rey laughed, “I can help you, so don’t worry. We’ll get these guys in to tip top shape.”</p><p>“Well, thank you.”</p><p>She slowly made her way around his entire apartment, “I can’t wait to meet R2. I’ve been wanting to pet that dog a long time too.”</p><p>Rey looked to him and he smiled, “I should be getting him from my parents within the next couple of days, actually.”</p><p>Her expedition across his apartment had taken her to his bedroom, and she willed herself not to go inside of it because she wasn’t too convinced that she wouldn’t just lie herself down on his bed and tell him to take her that instant. Yeah, no.</p><p>“I still can’t believe you let me go thinking he was dead.”</p><p>He chuckled, “It was only for a couple of seconds.”</p><p>“Which is an eternity when you believe a dog is deceased.” She countered, approaching the island where the stove was.</p><p>“My sincerest apologies.”</p><p>Rey shook her head and sat down on one of the stools, and her eyes were met with a cup of tea. She looked up at him, “You made me tea?”</p><p>He smirked down at the pan he was cooking in, “My mom practically inhales the stuff. I think she has jasmine tea running in her veins, so I keep it for her when she comes over. Figured you would want some.”</p><p>An overwhelming urge to crawl over the counter, risking her life over the hot stove, and kiss dumb face was extremely difficult to resist. Instead, she opted to beam down at the cup, and brought it up to her mouth to blow on it, “Thank you…this may make up for the whole dog thing.”</p><p>Rey wouldn’t meet his eyes, but she heard him exhale through his nostrils, “That’s a big relief. Would have been awkward for my neighbor to hate me for that.”</p><p>She put the cup down to let the bag steep more and looked up at him, “Hm…she might be still making up her mind on that one.”</p><p>“We’ll see how she feels after she has this omelette then,” he defended while flipping said egg concoction, “she’ll have no choice but to completely forgive him.”</p><p>“He talks a big game.” Rey said.</p><p>He laughed at her and shrugged. God, she loved hearing his laugh. It was so disarming and warm. The effect that he was already having on her was downright scary. Rey quelled her emotions and took the bag out of the mug, sipping at her tea and watched him expertly finish creating their breakfast.</p><p>Rey helped him bring the food and all of the various sides he had gotten out, like the sour cream, ketchup, and siracha. He said he wasn’t sure what she would want with it, so he pulled out everything he had. She smiled at reached for the sour cream.</p><p>“I think I might have sour cream running through my veins.” She joked.</p><p>He smiled, “That or Chinese food.”</p><p>She pointed her fork at him, “Watch it Solo.”</p><p>Ben held up his hands. Rey shook her head and forked herself a bite of the omelette, shoveling it into her mouth. It was delicious, which she should have figured. This big dumb idiot really did know his way around the kitchen. She felt herself making various approving noises as he watched her reaction, probably waiting to hear her verdict.</p><p>She sighed, almost not wanting to give him the satisfaction, but he <em>had </em>gone out of his way to do this for her in the first place, “Okay, this <em>might </em>be really good.”</p><p>There was an instant shit eating grin on his face, “<em>Might</em>? Wow, what high praise. People could go their whole lives waiting to hear that kind of feedback.”</p><p>Rey hadn’t really thought about how entertaining Ben would be when he was just hot neighbor boy because what kind of behemoth had the looks <em>and </em>the personality to back it up? It wasn’t fair, really.</p><p>A sly smile formed on her lips after she swallowed her food, “You’re kind of smarmy, aren’t you?”</p><p>He chuckled, commencing to eat his own food, “My mother would want to tell you I’m certainly my father’s son if she heard you say that.”</p><p>“Well she sounds like a smart woman.”</p><p>He shrugged a shoulder, “She’s the one who married the guy. And then separated from him, and unseparated, and so on.”</p><p>Rey nodded slowly, taking in the implications of his words, “Oh, so they’re one of <em>those </em>couples.”</p><p>Ben nodded, “Oh yeah. They’re on again as of now, but I’ve kind of learned to never have any expectations when it comes to their marital status.”</p><p>Rey could certainly understand that. She learned that better than anyone with the way that she grew up, “I get that. You get let down a lot less that way.”</p><p>He nodded while he chewed, “Exactly.”</p><p>They ate in silence for a minute or so, and Rey was glad to find it still didn’t even feel weird as they ate. This really was a good omelette. She briefly wondered if this was a one time—or two time if she counted last night—deal, Ben cooking for her. Would she ever get used to this, being here with him?</p><p>She glanced at Ben, who was smiling down at his plate. When he looked up at her, Rey tilted her head at him, and he spoke, “I’m sorry. I’m still kind of getting used to the fact that you’re here in my apartment.”</p><p>Rey laughed, “How do you think I felt yesterday? Opening my door to this giant totally unexpectedly.”</p><p>He looked like he was trying not to smirk, “Well that’s different.”</p><p>She gave him a questioning expression, “How?”</p><p>“This has to do with me now.”</p><p>Rey scoffed at him and took another bite, “You’re incorrigible, Benjamin Solo. Has anyone ever told you that before?”</p><p>His grin was gradual and absurd, “Perhaps.”</p><p>“Plus, <em>you’re </em>the one who invited me here.” Rey joked.</p><p>Ben leaned on his hand, pausing his mastication, “I invited you here because I wanted to.”</p><p>On her side of this conversation, she was just giving him a complete joke, but he seemed quite serious and it really threw her off because of the insinuations of it. It’s like he wanted her to understand how much it meant to him for her to be here, or perhaps she was reading too far into it like she always did. His unexpected change in tone was causing Rey to contemplate whether or not Ben taking her off guard was going to be a common theme with them.</p><p>“Well I won’t pass up a free meal.” Rey said, not being able to keep with his less than frivolous tone.</p><p>Despite this, Ben still smirked at her, “Yes, I am starting to realize that.”</p><p>Rey shrugged, “I’m a simple girl with simple needs.”</p><p>Ben actually leaned back and laughed at this, crossing his arms, “But don’t feed her past midnight.”</p><p>Rey crumpled up her napkin and threw it at him.</p><p>“Don’t throw your filth at me!” He exclaimed, throwing hers <em>and </em>his back at her.</p><p>Yeah, this seemed about right for the two of them, doing something a couple of children would do to each other. She stood up at his and glared at him.</p><p>“Okay, now it’s time for me to kick your ass at Mario Kart.”</p><p>He also stood, obviously towering over her, “Are you now?”</p><p>She smirked, “Bring it on Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>They had been pretty neck and neck for a while as they sat on opposite sides of the couch, Rey’s knees brought up to her because Ben took up far too much room. Rey had decided to pull out the big guns and choose the cup with Rainbow Road, an infamously difficult track, and she knew that she had to keep her focus on her own side of the screen because if she didn’t, she knew herself and she would get…competitive. Though, the last time she merely glanced, she saw that he was in seventh place while she was fighting Baby Peach for first.</p><p>“Fuck. Fuck off Baby Peach!”</p><p>She heard Ben chuckle, “You shouldn’t be so combative with a child.”</p><p>“You need to shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” Rey threatened.</p><p>All he did at her scare tactics was laugh, but that wasn’t important because she was now in first, and that was the utmost priority on the third lap around.</p><p>She was so focused and so ecstatic that she was nearly at the finish line that she felt like she might burst with anticipation.</p><p>But then came a blue shell. Right before she was going to be victorious.</p><p>And who should pass her in her misery? None other than DK, who was being played by the man sitting across from her.</p><p>A large wave of frustration hit her, and she bit her lip to keep from screaming. She hated that she had to meet his eyes, which were narrowed along with that smug grin of his and he shrugged.</p><p>“Oh! You’re going to <em>get </em>it now!” She yelled, reaching behind her to throw every pillow she had behind her at him, and he started to dodge them.</p><p>“I am just waiting for this aforementioned ass kicking. Do you know when that’s going to be scheduled?” He chided, still moving his giant body out of the way of her attacks.</p><p>“I was in first place like this <em>whole</em> time you asshole!” She yelled at him, having run out of projectiles to throw at him.</p><p>“What about Baby Peach? How do you think she feels?!”</p><p>Rey tried to resist the urge to kick him—for now, “We are playing again <em>right </em>now!”</p><p>“Alright, it’s your funeral.”</p><p>She was beginning to understand that she actually hated this man.</p><p>After what felt like round after round, she wasn’t even sure of the score anymore, but she was certainly sure that her previous decision to loathe him was still in fact, warranted. His snide little face every time he would beat her drove her insane, and the worst part was how annoyingly enticing he was after all of it. Rey had to remind herself that she was an educated adult woman. She could control herself around this maddening immovable wall of a man.</p><p>“Okay, I think I need to call this,” Ben said after Rey had won again, “I think we’ve both proven we can beat one another.”</p><p> She put down her controller on the floor as she lay on the couch, “Sure, sure. Just give up now when you’re losing.”</p><p>Truth be told was that she was about done, too, but he wasn’t allowed to know that.</p><p>“Have you even been keeping score?”</p><p>Rey smiled lazily at him, “Don’t need to.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because I know I won.”</p><p>A pillow hit her in the face, but she felt too weary to retaliate, “Don’t be a sore loser.”</p><p>“Says the girl who did the same thing when she lost.”</p><p>“So you admit that you lost?”</p><p>She heard him sigh, but when she looked over at him, he was grinning, “Never.”</p><p>Ben was just as stubborn as she was, clearly, and that was either going to get really frustrating, or make things endlessly interesting between them. Perhaps it would be a combination of both.</p><p>After she had somehow convinced him to order takeout for dinner, they put on a movie, and Rey couldn’t believe just how easy it was that she had just spent the whole day at Ben’s, and it didn’t even seem like it had been that long. What was also equally unbelievable was that this entire situation had been set into motion with half a dozen cupcakes. And at the time, Rey had genuinely believed that it was going to just be left at that.</p><p>Who knew? Because now she was near constantly looking over at him, and what Rey would have done to know what he was thinking because she got such an annoying little rush every time his arm brushed against hers as they ate or when she would hear him chuckle at the same parts of the movie she had.</p><p>Spending this time with him made her recall when she was first starting to see past hot neighbor boy’s attractiveness after the first couple of months he had moved in. Most certainly the aspects of him that nevertheless held true were that he was this blatant compulsively clean person, who made tea for his mother when she would come over and had a huge soft spot for animals. He was also competitive and stubborn, but so was she.</p><p>Oh and he was stupidly hot still, so there was that.</p><p>Rey was just going to have to try and figure this out, as if figuring out how to just be his neighbor wasn’t challenging enough. And it’s not as if Rey didn’t want this; she wanted to be his friend. She wanted to continue this relationship because from where she was looking, he was worth it with his novice plant skills and dumb grin whenever he would say something particularly unctuous.</p><p>Rey was just starting to get to know Ben, so she hoped that she was ready for it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was strange how soon their routine had picked up again and how similar it was to their old one, except with a lot more eye contact and a text sent here or there, like Ben reminding her to turn the oven off and her telling him that Ficus needed water. She remembered his chide at her when they finally exchanged numbers after quite a few visits to each other’s apartments.</p><p>“An 818 girl, I see.”</p><p>She blushed, realizing that he still didn’t really know much about her, not even knowing she was a girl that was born in the United Kingdom, but she was really raised in the San Fernando Valley. Instead of opening up of course, she decided to go on the defense when he handed her phone back.</p><p>“Oh, shut up Mr. 310!”</p><p>His presence was still a constant in her life with him on his laptop on the couch, R2 finally having returned to him with only a slight limp. Only now she would laugh at his antics of fussing over straightening out the remotes on his coffee table, and she would just say his name out loud, giggling. Because she knew it now. And just because she could.</p><p>Sometimes it didn’t quite hit her that they were currently not only on speaking terms, but they were actually becoming these fast friends. It was obvious from their first meeting that they had an immediate chemistry, Rey was just a little—or a lot—disappointed that it just seemed to be a platonic chemistry. It would still throw her off that they would meet each other’s eyes from across the street, and instead of pretending that she wasn’t looking, the two would exchange a smile.</p><p>She remembered one time she was up late, and Ben was actually asleep—or at least he was in his room attempting to—and then she saw him come out, and he gave her a sort of small shrug along with a grin, his arms jutting out just slightly like, ‘what are you going to do?’ before started up his PS4 as well. Then he texted her asking if she wanted to play online together.</p><p>Rey knew she was getting too attached, and it hurt her sometimes at night when she would think about it. They would still binge watch shows, both together and separately. Sometimes when they weren’t in the same apartment, she would just text him and tell him he might as well come over because this next episode was too good to watch alone. One night, when she had fallen asleep on her couch when he was over, she must have leaned into him in her sleep because she <em>swore</em> she woke up to him stroking her hair, but she wasn’t all too convinced that it wasn’t a dream.</p><p>As she got to know Ben for more than just being B or hot neighbor boy from across the street, she learned a lot of things about him. He could be cranky and ornery, sometimes over the littlest remarks, especially if he had come home from a long day at work. Rey just kind of let him sit there and brood, much like she needed from time to time in order to calm down. She also was learning what an absolute dork he was, too, which was honestly harder to deal with than angsty Ben. Sometimes as he was cooking, he would belt out the lyrics to a song that was on, not caring about the snide remarks coming from Rey. And when he was really into the song, he would somehow spin his giant body around as he still wowed her with his culinary skills. On one occasion they were in the middle of talking as she sat on the other side of the island at Ben’s, which was quickly becoming her spot at both their apartments, and a Bon Jovi song came on with Ben’s movements starting to align himself with the beat.</p><p>“Ben! I’m trying to talk to you would you pay attention!”</p><p>“An angel’s smile is what you sell, you promise me heaven, then put me through hell,” he sang, and turned to her, “I am paying attention. You’re talking about Ackbar giving you a hard time over that power converter.”</p><p>She tried to glare at him, but it was too hard to keep it up, “Right,” she chortled, “and then out of nowhere when I thought he was going to—”</p><p>Then the chorus came on and he had traveled around the counter and grabbed her from her seat, forcing her into a dance with him leading, “Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame! You give love a bad name, I play my part and you play your game, you give love a bad name, you give love, a bad name!”</p><p>Instead of yelling at him, she just gave in and sang with it with him as he led her around, which was difficult because she was pretty much laughing through the whole thing. By the time the next verse had come on, he ended it with him dipping her. Then, like nothing had happened, he pulled her back up and went back to cooking.</p><p>“So he didn’t want you to get them from a certain company, right?” He asked, going back to his sautéing vegetables.</p><p>How was he allowed to be a human person? How was he allowed to do something like <em>that</em> and then go back to normal like he hadn’t swept her off her feet already? She stood there motionless and blinking for a few seconds, getting her bearings again.</p><p>“Right, yeah from this company we’ve been loyal to for years,” she said, getting back onto her stool, “I don’t know why all of a sudden he’s got such a problem with <span class="aCOpRe">Tosche </span>parts. I swear sometimes he just does these things to aggravate me on purpose.”</p><p>It made sense that they were already so comfortable with one another, having had the longest silent acquaintanceship of all time because there was another thing.</p><p>They would fight, oh they would bicker over anything and everything. What shows to watch, what food to eat—because sometimes Rey just wanted some greasy fast food, where to park when they went <em>anywhere</em>, which Harry Potter book was the best, whether or not they should do the construction on their street during the day or at night. They had even gotten in a fight about why Rey doesn’t like the bottoms of muffins.</p><p>“I just don’t understand. It’s the same exact food from the top of the muffin to the bottom of the muffin!”</p><p>“It’s just, ugh! It doesn’t have the same je ne sais quoi.”</p><p>“But—”</p><p>“I don’t expect you to understand, Benjamin.”</p><p>He scoffed at her from across the couch, “You’re being <em>ridiculous</em>.”</p><p>She then promptly huffed off and sulked on Ben’s couch where she didn’t speak to him for an hour or so just to spite him. The next day there were a dozen muffin tops left on her doorstep. She ate them all and they were delicious, and she hated him for that. She hated him because he had probably not only made them, but he had sacrificed those marvelous tops to give them to her, and he ate the bottoms. Then she got frustrated because she started thinking about <em>his </em>ample bottom too much and cursed him for annoying her when he wasn’t even around.</p><p>For some reason, she still hadn’t told her friends about all of this. She was ashamed and it made her feel like she was lying, but this, whatever <em>this</em> was, felt too special to share. At least for now. It was theirs and she didn’t want it to be anyone else’s at the moment. Slowly, very slowly, she felt this sense of belonging grow in her again, but she wasn’t supposed to be because she still spent her nights alone, wanting him to be there with her, wondering if he, too, felt the same. So close and yet so far.</p><p>Her heart still ached for him even when he was still just across the street. That impossible to cross street.</p><p>She would catch him watching her now when she watered her plants, and he didn’t even seem ashamed of it. He would just stand there in the window, give a small wave, and go back to whatever his previous task was.</p><p>Their late nights at the table with their work carried on with Ben texting her to take a break and to get another cup of tea when she had looked particularly aggravated at her screen. She would tell him to stop giving himself eye damage from staring too hard at one of his case reports that had been clearly fumbled by one of his paralegals. Sometimes she would go and still leave him cupcakes at his door when he had looked particularly upset.</p><p>There were times at night when she was alone in her bed, and she would give into her desires either with her own hand or with her vibrator. She would think about him and that smile showing off those dimples, only to have it be replaced with a look of hunger for her, completely losing himself over her, his hands all over her naked body. His mouth, his lips, his tongue. She would touch herself to these images in her head, these fantasies that would never be real or never be enough.</p><p>“Ben.” She’d whisper into the dead air of her bedroom as she was met with her climax.</p><p>She was living this life with him, but she still felt empty.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Fajitas tonight?<br/></strong>
</p><p>Rey was at work, making pretty good progress with heart rate monitor when she looked down at her phone to see this message from Ben, and let out this absolutely stupid smile, she was sure. It was weird to have him, even through text, be in her life that was outside of her apartment.</p><p>
  <strong>What’s the occasion?</strong>
</p><p>It took a minute or so for him to respond.</p><p>
  <strong> It’s taco Tuesday.<br/></strong>
</p><p>Rey was pretty sure that stupid smile was now plastered on her face. She hoped no one was noticing. Now, she wasn’t sure how to respond. Really, she wanted to tell him that he was adorkable, but the name calling wasn’t to the point of flirting. Or she didn’t think it was. This was one of the downfalls of not talking to her friends about all of this. How was she to know? They hadn’t introduced any of these topics at all. Not even his girlfriend, which she was fairly certain wasn’t a factor anymore considering she never saw her come around, but Rey had never actually heard the confirmation. She was very much convinced now the attraction was very much one sided, and that he just liked her company.</p><p>
  <strong> 🌮🌮🌮🤔🤔🤔<br/></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> Haha, is that a yes?<br/></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I think it’s always implied that I want tacos Benjamin</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> Okay, just let know when you are done with work<br/></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Aren’t YOU supposed to be working right now?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Well, when I got done with all of depositions, I decided it was the best time to start moonlighting as a suit salesman, so actually let’s put a raincheck on for tonight.</strong>
</p><p>She snorted, and looked around her. No one had seemed to see her cackling like a hyena.</p><p>
  <strong>The men of Los Angeles do need to look dapper, so I understand.</strong>
</p><p>🕴🏻 🤵🏻🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️<strong><br/></strong></p><p>Rey laughed again, reveling in thinking about Benjamin Solo, Esq. sitting in his office bending over his phone, sending a plethora of emojis. It was honestly just the most ridiculous thing she could think of, but she could not stop swooning over the mental image.</p><p>“Jeez, did you get laid or something?” Jess asked above her.</p><p>Since she was so surprised, she threw down her phone on her desk without even bothering to lock it. She hoped Jess wouldn’t look and see all of the ridiculous emojis they were exchanging.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’ve been giggling like a school girl at your phone for the last five minutes.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I just got distracted on Instagram. There were a lot of funny posts today I guess.”</p><p>Jess appeared to be skeptical, “Uh…huh.”</p><p>“Hey, did you see my email that I sent you? Ackbar wants these monitors by next Thursday instead of Friday.” Rey said, desperately trying to change the subject.</p><p>She seemed to take the bait, or took mercy on her, “Yeah, I really don’t understand him sometimes. Like, it’s one day.”</p><p> </p><p>By the time she got to Ben’s, she was exhausted. She had asked him, mistakenly, if he needed anything from the store because she was going. He said he needed dog food, and he always liked to buy those giant bags that weighed like a thousand pounds. She wanted to take a shower before she came over, but she didn’t want to lug over this colossal bag from her car.</p><p>
  <strong> Come over here and get this 20,00oo000 pound bag from my car.<br/></strong>
</p><p>He had responded by the time she got out and grabbed the rest of her stuff.</p><p>
  <strong> I don't think that’s a real number<br/></strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> You’re a lawyer, not a mathematician!<br/></strong>
</p><p>Before long, he was in front of her garage, and she let him in.</p><p>“I want to take a shower before I come over, so I’ll be over in like half an hour.”</p><p>He lifted the bag from her trunk and swung it over his shoulder like it weighed nothing, “Good, you stink.”</p><p>She flipped him off as she walked away.</p><p>Now she was rounding the corner, opening his door—they had become accustomed to leaving it open for each other—and greeted R2 happily.</p><p>“Ohhh! Who’s a good boy?!” She asked, kneeling down to pet him.</p><p>He barked, wagging his tail wildly.</p><p>“That’s right, you are!”</p><p>The dog collapsed on the floor, showing her his belly and she scratched it for a minute or so. She stood up and saw Ben completely immersed in his cooking. It smelled delicious as always.</p><p>“Does he need to be taken out?”</p><p>It almost seemed like he hadn’t heard her before he looked up from grilling the vegetables, “Yeah, if you wouldn’t mind.”</p><p>She went back to her dog voice that probably sounded a lot like Ben’s, “Nope! Let’s go!”</p><p>R2 looked like he was just about to faint at the idea of a walk. She grabbed Ben’s keys and R2’s blue leash off the key rack attached to the wall, “Better be ready when I get back Ramsay, I’m starving!”</p><p>Rey heard him say that she always was when she was closing the door. She took R2 around the block, briefly pausing every so often so he could stiff whatever various smells he thought were worthy enough. She sighed and let him smell away at this particular bush. She still couldn’t get over what she was even doing.</p><p>“I’m walking B’s dog…while he is upstairs making dinner for us.”</p><p>On occasion, she would still call him that in her head. At the time, B was this stranger. He was this person who she longed to know, but never thought she could. Although she felt like what she had with him before was pretty special, now knowing that it wasn’t just her that studied his movements, this felt like an entire new experience. Sometimes this world wind of a friendship was all a little difficult for her to believe, and she knew she was still holding back from him, like she did from everyone. And he at this point scared her with how easily they just became persistent parts in each other’s lives.</p><p>She sighed and looked to R2, “What am I going to do about your owner boy?”</p><p>He just wagged his tail happily she patted him on the head.</p><p>When she got back, she thought that her heart was going to stop. Again.</p><p>Ben had not only finished cooking, but he had set the table for them. It seemed like such a simple gesture, but it wasn’t very often people did stuff like this for her just because it was a Tuesday. Whenever he came over to her apartment, she didn’t set the table for them.</p><p>R2 ran to the kitchen where Ben was, “Oh don’t give me that now.”</p><p>He continued to sit there with his puppy eyes, “Ugh,” Ben immediately conceded, throwing him some of the meat, “alright now get out of here you useless animal.”</p><p>Rey shook her head at this display, not surprised at all as she settled down at the table, “What kind of name is R2 anyway?”</p><p>Ben was bringing food over to the table and grinned, “When I was little, we had this dog that I loved very much, and I named him Rhadamanthys, or Rhady for short.”</p><p>Rey thought that sounded like exactly like the sort of name a little rich boy would have for a dog.</p><p>“So when I got him,” he gestured to R2 with his head, “I named him Rhadamanthys II.”</p><p>“R2.” Rey concluded.</p><p>“Exactly. Rhadamanthys II is kind of a mouthful.”</p><p>Once all the food was at the table, Rey dug in quickly. She was starting to get spoiled by Ben’s cooking.</p><p>“Oh my God, I really think you must have sold your soul to Gordon Ramsay because you’re honestly too good at this.” She stated as she got fajita all over her mouth. Then she remembered to put her napkin in her lap after she saw him so delicately place his.</p><p>Almost laughing to herself, she remembered that that was one of the first details she noticed about B’s eating habits. She felt like such a mess around him sometimes as she always dug face first into her food, and he always managed to never get a stain or mess on him whatsoever. It again reminded her of how different their backgrounds were. Then she also remembered that he still didn’t really know much about her past. She finally felt ready to reveal just a little bit about herself.</p><p>“I grew up in foster care here in the valley.”</p><p>Definitely not a casual dinner topic, and she kind of just blurted it out, but she wanted him to know at least something about her. He paused midbite, “What?”</p><p>“My parents went missing when I was very young, so when I moved here from the UK, I had to go around home to home. Spent a lot of years with this guy Plutt and his awful wife. He didn’t feed me very well. I think that’s why I eat like such a slob now because I am just always so excited to be eating.”</p><p>“I like the way you eat.” Ben said with no hesitation.</p><p>Rey blushed and thought taking another gratuitous bite would cover it up. He just sat there in silence, seemingly content to listen, “When I finally left him, I wouldn’t be at any one place for too long. It kind of made me angry for a lot of years that I didn’t get to have a family. I didn’t even really have any friends before I met Finn and Rose.”</p><p>Ben nodded. She didn’t really know what to say next, so she just kept eating. There was a bit of a silence that Rey didn’t find uncomfortable.</p><p>“My parents shipped me off to a boarding school when I was a kid because I don’t think they knew how to deal with me.”</p><p>Now it was Rey’s turn to sit and listen.</p><p>“The school was run by my uncle, and I didn’t really have any friends there either because of that. All the kids made fun of me because of it. My parents claimed they thought it would be the best thing for me. I was a pretty angry kid. And a pretty angry teenager. Got into a lot of trouble. It didn’t go over very well with anyone in my family. I felt like such a disappointment.”</p><p>Rey swallowed her food before speaking this time, “I think that if I had parents, and they had shipped me away from them like that, I would be pretty upset too.”</p><p>Ben put down his food and held his head up with his hand, “God you amaze me Rey.”</p><p>She was still midchew, so she covered her mouth with her hand, “What?”</p><p>“You just opened up to me about what a rough childhood you had, and then you’re trying to make <em>me </em>feel better?”</p><p>Chasing down her particularly huge bite with some water, and then an ice cube for good measure, she didn’t know why it was such a big deal, “Just because I had a difficult childhood doesn’t make yours any less so.”</p><p>He dipped his head slightly before looking back up at her, “I guess not.”</p><p>They finished up the evening with catching up with their shows. Ben was on the other side of his couch, and Rey glanced over at one point and just looked at him, one long leg drawn over the other while he drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch. He caught her smiling at him.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Rey shook her head, “Nothing,” she said as she turned back to the tv and hid her abundant smile from him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rey was getting more and more frustrated as they went on, and that was apparent by how Ben was treating her. He was not giving it his all, and this was agitating her to <em>no</em> end.</p><p>“You don’t have to go easy on me,” she defended, “I can handle it.”</p><p>Ben put his hands down in shock, or that was what his face was conveying. He had asked her a few weeks ago if she wanted to try and take up boxing with him as he claimed that it really helped with aggression. Rey huffed and got offended, only for a few seconds later to realize that she was in fact only proving his point further. Then she agreed after he would not stop shutting his pretty little trap about it.</p><p>“What are you talking about Rey? You only started last week. It’s not like you should be expecting to be an expert at this.”</p><p>Her silence gave him all the answer he needed.</p><p>“Holy shit, you <em>were </em>expecting to be an expert.”</p><p>“Well you don’t need to gloat about it!” She yelled, ripping off one of her gloves and then her mouthpiece after it.</p><p>“I was not gloating.”</p><p>“Sure seems like it to me!”</p><p>He did the same with his glove and mouthpiece, “So me trying to tell you that your form was a little off is considered unsportsman like behavior?”</p><p>“Then don’t rub it in my face!”</p><p>He grunted and rolled his eyes, “I was not doing that either! Try a few more times with the correct form and then maybe I can revel in it.”</p><p>“See I <em>knew </em>it.”</p><p>“Would you <em>just</em>—”</p><p>“Hey, love birds,” one of Ben’s boxing friends cut in from outside of the ring, “would you two either just get to boxing it or fuck already?”</p><p>Ben appeared to be even more aggravated now, “Like I’ve said a million times Cardo, I am merely just trying to <em>help </em>Rey with her—”</p><p>“Okay okay we <em>get </em>it Solo! You’re just boxing partners. Then how about guys just box then? You’re distracting the rest of us.”</p><p>His nostrils flared as he glowered at Cardo, “Well then <em>mind your own fucking business</em>!”</p><p>Cardo held up his hands in defeat and went back to his own boxing partner, Kuruk, where Rey could tell from where she was that they were making fun of them. She was about to round on them, feeling heated herself, but then Ben seemed to understand where her mind was at.</p><p>“Just ignore them.” He said with a tone that he was very blatantly trying to keep even.</p><p>Rey huffed, “Fine…but you shouldn’t let him talk to you like that.”</p><p>Ben just let out a sigh at her and ran a hand through his hair. His telltale sign that there was something either very apprehensive or very aggressive going on in his head. Rey was guessing it was the latter. In the short time that he had been boxing with Ben, she met the few guys that he usually sparred with, claiming that he only saw them at the gym. If she were being honest, Rey wasn’t the biggest fan of them so far. Sometimes, they weren’t so terrible, but it was pretty often they just seemed to rile Ben up more than anything else. Now Rey realized that she had been doing the same exact thing to him for basically no reason, which made her feel guilty.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” She said simply, and it sounded empty to even her, not elaborating on what she had meant, but he seemed too far gone in his anger to really take in her words.</p><p>“Would you just try and listen to me without making a scene?”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him, “And what is that supposed to mean?”</p><p>“Look at you! We’ve only sparred a few times and then you come in here all entitled—”</p><p>“<em>Entitled</em>?”</p><p>“Yes, entitled! You were just getting upset with me for going easy on you—”</p><p>“Well you were!”</p><p>“<em>That’s because you just started</em>!” He shouted, eyes looking wild and then turning to leave the ring. He grabbed his bag when his feet hit the floor, “when you think you can actually listen to me instead of accusing me of triumphing over a beginner, then let me know!”</p><p>Rey had really done it now. She glanced over at Cardo and Kuruk who were clearly eavesdropping, not that that was a difficult feat considering she and Ben were yelling at each other, again, but they did not dare interrupt this time. Why did she do this? Why was she pushing him away over something so trivial? They drove here together, so she wasn’t really sure if he was just going off somewhere to brood, or if he was really just going to leave her there.</p><p>He had crossed a line with his anger, but his intentions at first were purely for her advantage. Before he could get too far, Rey called after him.</p><p>“Ben, wait, please come back,” she reasoned with him. He stopped and his shoulders went up and down in a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I promise I’ll listen without a fuss.”</p><p>She knew that he had been sent over the edge by Cardo, but she had definitely contributed to his outburst. It wasn’t fair.</p><p>He turned back to her and approached the ring, resting his hands on the ropes, “Do you really mean that?”</p><p>Nodding at him, she tried to convey joviality in a smile, “I mean not <em>too </em>much of a fuss.”</p><p>Gripping the ropes tightly, he sighed deeply and looked back up at her, “Fine, Kenobi, but one more uncalled for accusation and I’m out.”</p><p>She held up her hands, “I’ll behave.”</p><p>He gave a curt nod of his head and then was getting back into the ring, “Then prove it to me.”</p><p>While they were putting their gear back on, Rey gave one request.</p><p>“Would you try to be more patient with me though?”</p><p>“I was <em>trying</em>—”</p><p>“I know you were, but…” she bit her lip because she didn’t know how to explain it properly, “this is difficult for me, taking directions. I will attempt to do my best with it if you don’t lose your temper with me.”</p><p>He held up one of his hands, “Okay, I will try to not fly off the handle.”</p><p>They exchanged small grins at one another and then were at it again. Rey found that when they were both on their best behavior, it actually was a much better experience.</p><p>“Looks like you two made up!” Kuruk shouted from across the gym.</p><p>She and Ben both glared over to him and Cardo and started yelling at the same time.</p><p>“Would you guys just leave us alone, I mean <em>really</em>! Do you not have <em>anything </em>better to do then focus on us?!”</p><p>“I swear to god, <em>one </em>more comment and I will go over there and punch you square in the face!”</p><p>They stared at one another after they had both finished shouting and exchanged a smirk.</p><p>Rey spoke first, “They’re not worth it.”</p><p>All of the tension left his body for a moment before squaring up again, now ignoring the further slights directed at them. Rey didn’t hear them either as she went for a punch that he dodged. She saw the anger actually leave him and was back focused on her instead and gave her a smile that was entirely too disarming before he was rounding on her again.</p><p>It wasn’t until after they had finished and they were driving home from the gym that Rey comprehended that she was upset over him almost seeming offended at Cardo’s accusation of them being involved beyond just being boxing partners, and it appeared to be something that he had already established, if not more than once. She tried not to have it show on her face when she said goodbye to him, declining his offer for making dinner, which she hated doing, claiming she just wanted to shower and get started on the work she was putting off. This luckily wasn’t even a lie, so he didn’t question her on it.</p><p>Then she watched him from across the street, make his own dinner and contemplated why it made her heart sink so much when this was something she had already been convinced of anyway.</p><p>Ben was just her friend, and she needed to remind herself of that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So how are we feeling about these two nerds, huh? They're pretty hopeless, I think.</p><p>Lol so this chapter was delayed a couple of days because I literally decided last minute that I was just going to write out the entire scene where Rey went to Ben's that next day. I hadn't planned on it before at all, but then I thought of all the opportunities to showcase our awkward babies, so bon appétit.</p><p>And how upon how have I gotten 2,000 hits on this thing?? Ugh, thank you guys so much. I know I say it all the time, but I really do appreciate it. It seriously makes my whole life seeing how much you guys are enjoying this story.</p><p>Also, one more thing, at this point the chapter count is going to be over 19, but I am just trying to figure out that number before I change it, so don't be surprised when it does! Every time I am like writing out the end I just end up writing more, but don't worry I definitely know how I want to end this thing. (And *cough* perhaps the rating will go up to E at some point *cough*)</p><p>As always come check me out on <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Since when do you box?” Rose asked her, peeking at Rey’s open gym bag that was sitting in her living room area.</p><p>Rey was just getting her luggage out of her room. Rose asked her if she wanted to join her and Finn for a spontaneous weekend in San Diego, and Rey jumped at it, wanting to clear her head of her stressors like work, Ackbar, compressors, perhaps a hot neighbor boy or two.</p><p>“What’s that?” Rey asked her, feigning ignorance to her question.</p><p>“Is this a new hobby of yours or something?”</p><p>Rey had rolled her weekend bag all the way over to the front door where Rose stood, “I just did some research on what could help with aggression, and I saw that punching things really helped, so I thought I would give it a try.”</p><p>Rose still had an incredulous expression and looked over Rey’s shoulder into Ben’s apartment, which he mercifully was not in at the moment, “This wouldn’t have to do with trying to impress any hot neighbor boys, would it?”</p><p>She was probably referring to Ben’s own penchant for boxing. Ironically enough, Rey had originally done it just to shut him up about it, but she was not currently being able to wrap her head around telling Rose that, “Would you just come off it? I can’t do anything these days without an interrogation!”</p><p>The other girl’s face reddened, “You’re right, I’m sorry,” she apologized, opening the door to leave with Rey in tow, “if you found something that works for you, then I am all for it. Lord knows you need to let out some of that aggression.”</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>They drove down in Finn’s car, and Rey was perfectly content with sitting in the back seat, watching this couple that she so knew and loved interact in front of her, whether that be seeing them hold hands or bicker over what music to play. Rey got so lost in staring out the window and spacing out over not trying to think about the way Ben sweat in his sleeveless shirt with his muscles sticking to the fabric the other day when they were boxing that she almost missed Rose talking to her.</p><p>“So who did you ask to feed Bebe and water your plants if the two that normally would are going with you?”</p><p>Rey wasn’t about to tell Rose either that she had asked Ben, and she was grateful that neither were looking at her because she was now blushing. It did make the most sense since he lived just across the street. Asking him was a whole task in itself because Rey did not know why it was so nerve-wracking to just give Ben a key without thinking of the implications of it. When she had given it to him, he was about to leave for the night from her apartment.</p><p>“Here’s the key, but you have to give it back because I don’t have another spare.”</p><p>It was true, that had obviously had gone to Finn and Rose, but Rey could <em>not </em>stop the word vomit coming out of her mouth, “Not that I wouldn’t <em>want </em>you to have a key in case of emergencies or anything. It’s just that I don’t have the time to go and make a copy—”</p><p>“It’s fine, I get it.” Ben interrupted her, which Rey was thankful for. Good thing someone in this situation was just acting like a normal person in this completely ordinary scenario.</p><p>“Right, okay, well Bebe’s dry food is—”</p><p>“Under the sink and the wet food is in the cabinet above the sink,” he said, smiling at her, “feeding a cat and watering plants really isn’t the crisis situation you’re imagining here. I think I can handle it.”</p><p>“Okay, well you can just give him a little bit of the dry food in the morning and then one of the cans of wet in the evening. And I’ll leave a note about which plants to water because some of them don’t need it every day.”</p><p>She really wanted to make this fool proof for him, so she went around and put post-it notes on every single one of them with details on when and when not to water them.</p><p>“Oh, well that is just too much responsibility.”</p><p>“Really? Because I can ask my friend Jess if she can come by in the morning—”</p><p>“I’m <em>kidding</em> Rey.”</p><p>“Yes, of course.” Rey laughed uneasily. She was still so nervous that she hadn’t picked up on his sarcasm, which was normally a second language for her. Rey just tried her best to calm herself down because after all, she was literally just asking Ben something that people ask frequently of their neighbors; she was the one who was acting weird.</p><p>Bebe must have been wanting to calm her down just as much because he approached Ben and rubbed on his shin. He picked him up and scratched behind his ears, which was one of his favorite spots to be pet, “Don’t worry, we are going to have so much fun without mom around.”</p><p>He was saying it in that animal voice that made Rey go weak in the knees.</p><p>She smiled, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach, “Don’t forget about Bebe’s cat yoga at noon.”</p><p>He laughed at her poor excuse for a joke and went along with it, “Is that before or after the cat jazzercising?”</p><p>Insisting that he understood the feeding schedule and what plants to water and which ones to leave alone for the weekend, he also refused her money. It aggravated her that he wouldn’t take it, so she still left it for him on the counter next to the folded note addressed ‘Benjamin Anakin Solo’ that reminded him of all of his tasks for the weekend, cat jazzercising included. Rey assumed that the money would still be there when she got back, however, so she would have to find a way to sneak it into his couch cushions later or something.</p><p>Rey gave a small smile when she remembered the subsequent conversation about various cat exercises after she gave him the key, but she knew she couldn’t tell Rose that at the moment either.</p><p>“I asked Jess.”</p><p>Jess was her second choice, so it wasn’t too far off from the truth, right?</p><p>Her stomach churned because she was lying again, but Rose didn’t question it.</p><p>“Oh, good!” She exclaimed, “I am so excited for this weekend!”</p><p>It took them a little over two hours to get to their ridiculously extravagant Airbnb, but they all had rationalized it by saying that it was just for the weekend. Rey immediately went to the balcony in her room to marvel at the beginning of the sunset over the ocean horizon. After a few minutes, Rose had joined her, presuming that she had dropped off her own things in her and Finn’s room.</p><p>They stood there for a couple moments in silence before Rose spoke up, “Isn’t it weird that when you live in LA that you don’t really go to the beach all that often?”</p><p>Rey nodded in agreement, “Who has the time, really? It’s like you just always take advantage of the fact that it’s like right there and then you forget that it <em>is </em>right there.”</p><p>They discussed what terrible southern Californians they were for a little longer, and then Rose said that they should get ready to go to dinner, which was to this place that a coworker had recommended. Rey said she would be down in a bit after she got settled.</p><p>Rose left her, and Rey took a few obligatory pictures of the beautiful sunset and posted them to her Instagram story. Then she took some selfies with it as well and sent one to Ben.</p><p>
  <strong>Don’t tell Bebe I am enjoying this sunset so much without him.</strong>
</p><p>She got ready to go to dinner after she toted her suitcase onto one side of her bad. When she was done, she was heading down the stairs, surprised to find that she was the first one down. Sitting at the kitchen table, she unlocked her phone to find that Ben had responded with his own picture.</p><p>It was of him and Bebe with the sunset in the background from her apartment, to which Bebe looked extremely agitated.</p><p>
  <strong>He hasn’t even noticed that you’re gone.</strong>
</p><p>Rey snorted at what a complete and total dork he was, immediately changing his contact picture to it. She even informed him of this, and he sent another picture rather quickly in response of a photo he clearly had to set up of him holding Bebe up like Simba, presenting him to the window, and stating that she should make it that one instead. He had given her a hard decision to make alright.</p><p><strong>Did you set that up? </strong> <strong>😂</strong></p><p>
  <strong>No, I hired a professional for that one. Bebe insisted.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I’m gone for only a few hours and he’s already blown the yearly budget on photographers. Figures.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Worth it.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Stop enabling my cat and his boujie impulses.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>No guarantees.</strong>
</p><p>She heard footsteps coming down the stairs, so she reluctantly put her phone down.</p><p>“Ready to go?” Finn asked her.</p><p>The place they were going was within walking distance, so the three of them made their way over to this adorable little hole in the wall location that still was next to the beach, which Rey was in love with. She could never get enough of those ocean views.</p><p>The menu had a lot of great selling points, but since she was so hungry, which she supposed was not an irregular occurrence, that the half pound California Dreamin’ burger looked divine with all sorts of avocado on it.</p><p>When they got their food, it was pleasant experience with laughter and drinking wine, which was something Rey needed more than she realized. The good times weren’t even being tainted by all of the chaos that was going on in her head. She recalled when she had been previously pushing everyone away and thought that she had been taking advantage of moments like this before. Rey was very much thankful that her friends were willing to forgive her like this and still want her to be in her life. Unfortunately, she had gotten a little too skilled with pushing people away.</p><p>Their walk back to the Airbnb consisted of Finn and Rose hand in hand, and Rey contemplating her current situation.</p><p>“You know, I don’t think it would be such a bad thing if I ended up alone.”</p><p>“Why do you think that you’re going to end up alone?” Finn questioned next to her.</p><p>She shrugged, “Well, I have you guys, so that makes me feel like it wouldn’t be so bad.”</p><p>“Whatever makes you happy,” Rose said, peering around Finn, “but what got you thinking about this all of a sudden?”</p><p>“I don’t know, really,” she stated, thinking that she would definitely need to accept her and Ben’s relationship as is before she could do anything else, “you guys are so nauseating sometimes that it just made me think about my single status.”</p><p>Finn immediately disentangled himself from Rose and they both appeared to be sheepish, “Sorry.”</p><p>She waved them off, “I’m just joking. You guys know I think you’re adorable!”</p><p>Rose nodded, “We never try to shove it in your face though.”</p><p>“Ugh, you’re fine,” Rey said as they were approaching their house, “you guys want to go in the jacuzzi?”</p><p>“Hell yeah!” Finn exclaimed, unlocking the door and sweeping to the backslider door, instantly messing around with the buttons.</p><p>Rey went upstairs and found that Ben had sent her another picture. It was of Bebe on his back with one of her PS4 controllers next to him.</p><p>
  <strong>He’s a better advisory at Mortal Kombat then you are.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I do sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to him honing his skills. He may be a better at playing Sub Zero than you are.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Impossible.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And are you just freeloading at my apartment Benjamin?</strong>
</p><p><strong>I told you that we were going to have a blast without you </strong> <strong>😼</strong></p><p>
  <strong>Now you’re just going to make R2 jealous.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He needs to be humbled. He’s really milking the whole ‘I broke my leg in a car accident’ thing.</strong>
</p><p>She shook her head at their banter and got changed into her suit, suddenly feeling the impulse to send Ben another picture of herself in her bikini. Rey knew it was silly, and she knew that she wasn’t actually going to go through with it. What would the caption even be? I had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, so enjoy? Bombarding Ben without his consent was not an option, so she resisted the desire and went back downstairs.</p><p>“How have you never been to a winery? That is just unacceptable!” Finn asked her, sipping his pinot grigio.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes next to him, “I am sorry, ever since we have gone to a couple of wineries recently, he thinks he’s some kind of sommelier now.”</p><p>Finn twirled the wine in his glass, “Don’t criticize my creativity and interests.”</p><p>Rey and Rose both laughed at him, shaking their heads.</p><p>“You’ll have to invite me next time you go then!” Rey exclaimed, happy at the thought of being included in the couple’s antics.</p><p>They all joked around more with each other for what felt like hours, which led to Rey daring Finn to go into the pool, which was certainly freezing. At first, he refused, but then Rey insulted his manhood, which she knew would get him, so he was then cursing her name when he came back shivering, then daring her to do the same.</p><p>“Oh my God you guys! Give it a rest!” Rose said after Rey refused.</p><p>Finn smirked, putting his arm around her, “Don’t worry Rosie, I know she won’t do it.”</p><p>Rey couldn’t stand for that, obviously, even though she was aware that Finn was doing the same exact thing to her as she had done to him earlier. She couldn’t not rise to the occasion though, so she promptly got out without a word and jumped into the shallow end because she didn’t quite know how to swim that well—no one had ever shown her how—and instantly regretted it.</p><p>“Ha! See I knew I could get her.” Finn celebrated as Rey ran back to the warmth.</p><p>“I hate you.” Rey said, but she was laughing.</p><p>Rose was too as she smacked Finn, “Why would you do that when you know she gets cold so easily?”</p><p>The couple went back and forth, seemingly wrapped up in each other, so Rey took the opportunity to respond to Ben, figuring he would be up late as the insomnia was hitting them both hard lately.</p><p>
  <strong>Yes, he is just so selfish.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>He’ll see the error in his ways soon enough.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>So, how’s the whale’s vagina?</strong>
</p><p>She exhaled through her nose as quietly as she could at the <em>Anchorman </em>reference, and locked her phone, not wanting Finn and Rose to notice.</p><p>Eventually, the three called it a night and Rey rushed to her room to get out of her wet suit, but she just ended up sitting on her bed looking at her phone anyway.</p><p>
  <strong>Rey: It’s been really nice. Except Finn and I got in a competition with each other while sitting in the hot tub over jumping in the pool. Now I’m just freezing.</strong>
</p><p>Her mind was going to dangerous places as she undressed herself. Rey couldn’t help but think about how she wanted Ben there with her, his enormous hands taking off her suit slowly, scouring her body and warming her up in the best sort of ways that included those hands and the rest of him. She very much needed to not be thinking about this when she was having a casual conversation with him, so she tried to snap herself out of it.</p><p>
  <strong>I am not surprised.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Shut it, Solo!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I’m not even there and she’s still trying to start a fight with me.</strong>
</p><p><em>What I would do to you if you </em>were <em>here.</em></p><p>She didn’t think ‘If you were here I would want you to ravish me’ or ‘I am going to touch myself tonight thinking about your body on top of mine’ were appropriate responses. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she control herself?</p><p>
  <strong>You’re just so easy to rile up.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oh, you’re the EASIEST to rile up, don’t even get me started.</strong>
</p><p>Rey giggled at this, and the two ended up just started sending messages back and forth as she settled into bed after she changed and brushed her teeth. It was insane how natural it was to just have a conversation with him, and she didn’t even end up having the time to touch herself because of all the rapid responses between the two of them. After what felt like a while, she just ended up calling him, claiming she was getting too lazy to text.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Rey asked him after she heard loud noises in the background.</p><p>“I’m making bread.”</p><p>She laughed at his insomnia antics, “Making bread at 2am? Only you, Ben Solo.”</p><p>“I wanted to try this recipe out.” He defended.</p><p>“I suppose this was the perfect time to do that.”</p><p>“Oh no,” he started, “I am getting judged by the girl who frequently makes herself grilled cheeses at 3am.”</p><p>“There is no way you can judge <em>me</em> mister French press at all hours of the night.”</p><p>“Okay, all night tea mongrel.”</p><p>“Organic only oaf.”</p><p>“Wicked little fast food fiend.”</p><p>“Giant mole infested cupcake charlatan.”</p><p>“Woah, hey now, that one still hurts. I am pretty sure I am still not allowed back there.”</p><p>It was true; Ben was too embarrassed to return to the infamous bakery, but Rey figured she would try drag him there eventually to prove to Dexter that Ben wasn’t some criminal, first impressions still clouding the baker’s judgement. Rey giggled at the memory of Dexter asking her what the hell was a matter with that guy? Who just stands slacked jawed in front of a beautiful girl, being rendered motionless for several minutes if there <em>weren’t </em>something wrong with him? Rey was actually glad that Ben wasn’t there for this conversation, in the end, because Dexter claimed Ben could only come back if he got to bake their wedding cake.</p><p>There were a lot of kitchen like sounds coming from his end while Rey was lost in thought. Ben was the one to speak again, “It’s weird not seeing you in your apartment.”</p><p>Rey snickered, “Going through separation anxiety already? I’ve only been gone a day.”</p><p>“What? I’m needy.”</p><p>“You’re preposterous.” She claimed.</p><p>Her phone was on her chest on speakerphone. She figured that Rose and Finn wouldn’t hear her conversation with Ben because they were all the way down the hall and were probably wrapped up in their own late night activities, which she was sure did not include discussing insomnia baking.</p><p>“Sounds like someone doesn’t want any bread.”</p><p>She took on a distressed, whiny tone, “You’re not going to save me any?”</p><p>“If R2 and I don’t eat it all. Maybe I’ll bring Bebe some over tomorrow.”</p><p>Rey pouted, “He doesn’t need the extra carbs like I do.”</p><p>Hearing his laugh, she almost wished that she had video called him so she could see the stupid expression she knew he had on his face. Rey just had to settle on staring at his contact picture of him holding up her cat like he was going to be the new king. What an idiot.</p><p>“Now who’s being needy?” He asked.</p><p>“Needy for bread.”</p><p>There were noises going on in the background that sounded like they were definitely coming from a kitchen, and Rey thought about how it seemed so strangely normal for them to be having this conversation in the middle of the night. She wondered if she were at home if she would have still called him if she were awake after no doubt being curious about what he was up to. If she had to guess, probably.</p><p>“Do you ever wonder about what our other neighbors think of us?” Rey questioned.</p><p>It sounded like he must have put her on speakerphone too because his voice was further away, “Like in what way?”</p><p>“You know, what our other neighbors around us think when we never sleep or are making bread two in the morning.”</p><p>Ben chuckled, “Well, no because they are probably asleep.”</p><p>“Fair point,” Rey agreed before asking the question she had wanted to for months, “hey, Ben?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“What did <em>you </em>think of me before we met? Besides someone who had a poor taste in nutrition?”</p><p>He took a few moments before answering, clearly having to ponder about something other than her less than stellar alimentation habits, “I thought that you were extremely hardworking, which I really admired. It also seemed like you were always so happy to be sharing your home with the people you had over, almost like you came alive when they were there.”</p><p>She giggled, “You got all that just by watching me?”</p><p>“Well when you say it like that it makes me sound creepy.”</p><p>She reassured him it wasn’t, and it’s not like she could judge. If she did then she would be the biggest hypocrite in the world.</p><p>“What did you think of me then?” Ben inquired, and she really should have seen that coming.</p><p>“I liked that you had a dog.”</p><p>He gave a short laugh, “That’s it?”</p><p>Rey yawned, “No, but I thought it was sweet how you were with him, and I also liked how you had your mother over and would fight with her and then make up and cook with her. How you would even dress up when she came over. Then when you were going through your own routines, I started to feel like maybe you were the same as me.”</p><p>“What do you mean by that?”</p><p>She didn’t know if it was the lethargy that had taken over her that was making her so candid all of a sudden, but she felt like he had to know, “Like maybe you were lonely too.”</p><p>He took in a breath and the kitchen sounds seized. Neither of them said anything for a spell, and Rey supposed Ben was in a state where he genuinely did not know what to say, a rarity, so she thought she would save him after yawning again, “What are you doing now?”</p><p>“I’m still making bread. It takes a while.”</p><p>Rey smiled at his words; it’s not like she knew what went into the task, “Talk me through it then.”</p><p>“That’s an odd bedtime story, even for you.”</p><p>She rolled onto her side, “Just humor me.”</p><p>There was a pause and then the kitchen noises resumed, “Okay, well I just put the bread in the fridge so it can have time to rest before I put it in the oven…”</p><p>Rey was under in a few minutes listening to him speak of the differences between the processes of baking sour dough verses standard white bread, the soft baritones visiting her in her slumber.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The next day involved relaxing on the beach for most of the morning. Rey actually had time to sit in the sand and read, which she so rarely did. Earlier, she got into this extremely juvenile splash fight with Finn and then attempted and failed to make a sand castle with Rose. After this trip, she really did have to try and make it a priority to go to the beach more often. It had been so long since she had taken the time.</p><p>Rose had sent her a few pictures of the day, which included the earlier activities and some Rey hadn’t even seen her take of her lounging on her towel. Rey shrugged and decided to post those to her Instagram too; she seldom did unless she was doing something of note like this. When she had finished the chapter she was reading, she stopped to check her notifications. She smiled when she had seen Ben Solo had liked her post and watched her story. It was oddly so satisfying to see the one person you want to be viewing your social media actually do it. She couldn’t help herself when she clicked on his profile. Most of his pictures were just of R2 or the places that he had vacationed in. There was this one of him and his mother that she had always admired when they had first stated to follow each other. He was towering over her with his arm around her, her hand coming up to his chest while they were standing atop of some mountain.</p><p>Throughout the day, she couldn’t help but think how much she wanted Ben to be there with her, and her desires to have him here went deeper than merely satisfying her sexual frustrations. She thought about him making fun of her and Rose’s poor excuse of a sand castle and definitely joining in on the splash fight, even going as far as dunking her, and then embracing her when she got irritated with him, kissing her in the water and attempting to warm her because she would have most certainly been cold—</p><p>“What chu doing on that thing?” Rose asked, breaking Rey of her fantasy while she plopped down on the towel next to her.</p><p>She immediately locked her phone, which was still on Ben’s profile and picked her book back up, “Nothing.”</p><p>Rose smiled at her slyly, “You’ve been practically glued to that thing. Just trying to figure out a viable explanation for it.”</p><p>Rolling her eyes, she pretended to be interested in her book. Was she that obvious? She thought she was being so careful too, “I just was checking my notifications because you know I don’t post all that often.”</p><p>“Okay, okay.” Rose had responded in a defeated tone.</p><p>They sat in silence, and Rey was thankful that she had dropped the subject. Ahead of them, Finn had picked up a frisbee that had landed closely to him, returning it to the group of guys it belonged to, only to soon join said group after tossing it back to them.</p><p>“Always the social butterfly, that one is.” Rey observed.</p><p>Finn had a similar childhood to Rey, which is why they had bonded early on in their friendship. The only thing he had known about his parents is that they had immigrated from Nigeria, and they apparently had dropped Finn off at a homeless shelter one evening when he was just a toddler. This is at least what he had been told because Rey knew better than anyone that you had to take these claims with a grain of salt. She found that she was envious of him, however, as he had actually gotten to live out every foster child’s dream and was adopted by a nice family, even though he was a teenager at that point. Rey felt like it was actually quite laudable that he was so friendly and sociable despite his difficult childhood, feeling like the support of a loving family had something to do with it.</p><p>Rose sighed, “I love that man.”</p><p>Rey giggled at Finn practically frolicking with the frisbee, “Yes, but they are still all so <em>stupid</em>.”</p><p>She was thinking of Ben, obviously. Ben, this man built like a refrigerator yet gentle enough to make souffles on the regular, clearly never caring about stereotypes while he showed her how to do calligraphy and braid hair properly—which he still hadn’t done for her, but she knew she’d get him to do it one day—while he also was able to throw a head cracking punch at her when they boxed. He also proved to be a worthy opponent with online video games, cursing like a sailor at the twelve year olds they played with, which just made her laugh more than anything else. She looked to Rose who was watching Finn with the frisbee group and wanted more than anything else in that moment to tell her about all of his, about her crush on the neighbor boy that made bread at 2am, complained about how she wasn’t there, and then lulled her to sleep without even trying with his soothing, velvety voice talking about baking of all things. This was one of the hardest parts about being so closed off; no one really knew her entirely.</p><p>“Yes, they really are,” Rose agreed, sighing, “you know that asshole tried this move in bed last night that I had forbade him from using?”</p><p>Rey shook her head, “Did that by chance, involve <em>your </em>asshole?”</p><p>Rose gave her a knowing look, “Why yes, yes it did.”</p><p>They then launched into a conversation about past conquests, which involved a lot of merriment and eye rolling.</p><p>“God, you remember that Australian guy? He was sooo hot.” Rey reminisced. They had met on the beach next to the Santa Monica pier. He asked her if he could watch his stuff while he went into the water, and when he returned, they bonded over being non-Americans. Rey was fine when he left because he was only there on vacation, so it made it easier for her because she was at least expecting it.</p><p>“Oh, how could I forget good old Aussie John? He got so mad at my Australian accent attempt. I thought they liked vegemite! But that’s what I get for stereotyping I suppose.” Rose ventured as she giggled.</p><p>Rey felt like there was a constant smile plastered on her face from this conversation, “Yeah, but it’s not like mine was much better! And you remember his American accent? It was deplorable!”</p><p>This was extremely true as Rey recalled challenging John to attempt an American accent after he ripped on Rose and her so much for theirs, and he ended up just saying 'helll-oooo' very slowly several times, only for it to still be very much in his native accent the whole time. He gave up and relented immediately as they walked down Hollywood Blvd late that night, all of them giggling together after copious amounts of alcohol was consumed. Rey laughed at the memory.</p><p>Rose shook her head, “You remember that guy I dated right before Finn?”</p><p>Rey’s eyes went up into her head without thought, “Oh God, yes! And you thought Finn wanted to try weird stuff in bed.”</p><p>The girls continued their conversation until the companionship took on more of a wordless ambiance, which Rey did not mind until a musing came to her when Ben flashed into her mind yet again. Boy really lived rent free there.</p><p>“I do miss some things though.” Rey reflected, lost in thought.</p><p>“What’s that?” Rose asked, leaning back onto her elbows.</p><p>“I miss the intimacy,” Rey breathed, “not that I ever had anything like you and Finn.”</p><p>In the past, Rey had <em>had</em> relationships. There was even one guy that had lasted a couple of years a while back in her undergrad days, but he had gotten angry with her when he accused her of not opening up or being vulnerable with him. After a particularly nasty row with him one evening, she told him to leave, and so he did. The biggest disappointment was that she couldn’t even be upset with him in the end because she had been the one to push him away. How could she criticize him when he had only done the very thing she had asked him to do?</p><p>“For someone who said they are fine with being alone, you sure have brought it up a lot on this trip.”</p><p>Rey blushed, knowing she had been caught in her ambivalence, “Yeah, I know.”</p><p>“I just want you to be happy.” Rose said as Rey looked back to her. She had a serious look on her face.</p><p>Rey nodded and also leaned back to joined Rose, “I’m fine with it and then I’m not. I don’t know.”</p><p>“I think that’s something that you’re probably going to have to figure out, honey.”</p><p>It all felt like a moot point because Rey had a strong suspicion of what she wanted, and knew that she could never have it.</p><p>For the rest of the day, they spent it walking around Old Town looking at all of the various shops and stands. Rey was certainly drawn towards a little one that was selling succulents, and Rose and Finn taunted her, saying that she could never resist buying plants when she saw them. She had already bought herself a couple trinkets, too.</p><p>“I am who I am, guys. What can I say?” She responded to them without shame when she selected one for herself. Then she saw this little aloe vera plant that made her think of Ben for some reason, so she decided to get it for him too. Luckily it wasn’t out of the ordinary at all for her to make this purchase, so the transaction went unquestioned.</p><p>They ended the evening with having a few drinks in the gaslight district. When they got back home, Finn collapsed on the couch, and Rose and Rey ordered some delivery to stave their chronic nighttime fast food needs.</p><p>They laughed at Finn trying to eat his quesadilla while still lying down on his stomach.</p><p>“You want to maybe turn over and eat that?” Rey questioned from her seat on one of the armchairs.</p><p>“Hmmm, no. It’s better this way.” Finn claimed, faced squished against the pillow it was on.</p><p>They all munched at their food for a bit while Rey looked at her phone to see a text from Ben.</p><p>
  <strong>I think your plants hate me.</strong>
</p><p>Giggling, Rey shook her head before she responded.</p><p>
  <strong>Lol why do you say that? How did you possibly kill my plants already!?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I didn’t kill them! Idk I just feel like they know I’m not their mom.</strong>
</p><p>She snorted and looked at Finn and Rose. They didn’t seem to be paying attention to her as they were snickering while Rose sat down on Finn’s behind.</p><p>
  <strong>Oh, stop! They don’t hate you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You don’t know how they’re looking at me right now.</strong>
</p><p>Rey felt Finn’s eyes on her while she was still trying to formulate a response to Ben.</p><p>“So…you still pining after hot neighbor boy Rey?”</p><p>The redness that flooded her face was unrelenting as she sucked in a breath.</p><p>“<em>No</em>.”</p><p>She was clearly pining after <em>Ben</em> now, but there was no way of them knowing that.</p><p>Rose sniggered, “She’s totally lying! Look at her face.”</p><p>Rey crossed her arms haughtily and huffed, no longer wanting to face them.</p><p>Finn was laughing now too, “I think someone’s in <em>looooove</em>.”</p><p>Rose was so entertained, in fact, that she leaned against the back of the couch, “I think her vibrator is named hot neighbor boy at this point.”</p><p>“Will you two! Ugh.” Rey exasperated, throwing herself back into her own chair.</p><p>They were all laughing together, despite the ribbing, and Rey almost wanted to find all of this funny if she didn’t feel so guilty, considering the fact that she was literally just conversing with the man in question aka hot neighbor boy aka Ben Solo aka the bane of her existence. She wondered how that conversation would go.</p><p>‘Hey guys! I’m actually talking to him now! What do you make of him <em>not </em>wanting to jump me on the spot?’ Pssh, that would go over <em>swimmingly</em>.</p><p>After all the greasy food was consumed, Rose told Finn it was time they should go to bed seeing as they had to check out in the morning.</p><p>“Babe! You need to get up!” Rose exclaimed at him.</p><p>He was face down on the pillow with a muffled, “<em>Noooo</em>.”</p><p>Rose was standing up next to him and grunted, “Finnegan John Hadari! Get up <em>now</em>!” She shouted, proceeding to slap his rump over and over, “you can’t sleep out here on the couch!”</p><p>Finn turned his head over, “Sure I can.”</p><p>Rey was in a riant state over them from her armchair.</p><p>Rose smiled and crossed her arms, “Okay…I guess that means that you <em>don’t </em>want to try that one move.”</p><p>At this, Finn shot up immediately, and Rose laughed, claiming that that worked every time. Rey giggled at her friends and then answered her text from Ben. She didn’t know if it was pathetic or not that she wanted to talk to him until she fell asleep again tonight, poking fun at whatever ridiculous sleepless activities he was surely doing, but then she reminded herself that she was a grown woman who could handle one night away from her neighbor.</p><p>So she did.</p><p> </p><p>When she had returned home in the midafternoon, she was greeted with some bread wrapped up on her counter with a note in Ben’s exceedingly neat handwriting explaining that they were able to save her some after all. She sighed and sat on the couch with her bread and contemplated why this man was put into her life seemingly just to torture her. Was it fair that he was just so…Ben? Was that just going to be an adjective now? Yes, because she honestly couldn’t describe him in any other way.</p><p>Then, as if this wasn’t enough, when she got up to go to her room, she noticed something on all of the post-it notes that she had left for him. She approached them and squinted at the brightly colored paper. He had <em>named </em>all of her plants. Every single one of her plants had various titles now like ‘Patricia,’ ‘Zachary,’ or ‘Bryan,’ and it was honestly just so stupid. Then she was imagining him giggling to himself naming them, and that again was just so Ben that she didn’t think she could handle it.</p><p>When he returned to his apartment with R2 a little after that, he waved at her, smiling before returning to his own weekend tasks. She texted him thanking him for the bread, but also pointed it out how bad she looked now because he was already the one doing her a favor. She watched him read the text and he shook his head with a smirk, responding to her straight away.</p><p>
  <strong>Just happy you’re back.</strong>
</p><p>She was going to give him a snarky remark about how again, she was only gone for two days, but ultimately in the end, she knew that she had missed him too.</p><p>
  <strong>Me too. </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HHHHHHMMMMMMMMM...sounds like someone's reluctant to reveal her secret hot neighbor boy wiles!</p><p>FUN FACT. When I wrote out this whole San Diego scene and the boxing scene in the previous chapter, the file on my computer got corrupted, so I had to write them out in their entirety all over again. It was awful. Were the first versions better? We'll never know lol. I literally was on the phone with IT people at one point being like pleaaaase tell me there is something I can do to recover it and they were like nah. I tried my best to emulate what I had written. Luckily it was only within a few days of each other.</p><p>Aghhh, am I updating this too much? I feel a little overzealous now that we're at this stage in the story. Lol let me know if you feel a little too overwhelmed. Though, honestly now that school has picked up again, I will try my best with the weekly updates I have been doing. I know I have most of it written out already, but believe you me that I go over it still multiple times before I post it. </p><p>Anyway, as always thank you for reading and attempting to keep up with me. I'm just sitting here looking at my story and am like I just want them to READ IT ALREADY!!!</p><p>Please come show me some love on <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">Tumblr!</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey was precariously balancing all of the bags she was holding while trying her best to navigate through the hallway of Ben’s apartment. She was very close to dropping them a couple of times when she had reached the elevator, but she was able to keep them all in her arms and hanging offer her wrists. Unsurprisingly, she had forgotten her reusable bags in her car, and by the time she had reached the Trader Joe’s cashier, she found herself asking for those damned paper bags that barely withstood any weight. Rey was also cursing herself at this point too as for some reason she thought it was prudent to do her own grocery shopping as well. When she reached Ben’s door, she knocked on it with her foot because she wasn’t even going to attempt opening it in order to avoid making a complete fool of herself.</p><p>About a week or so after Rey had gotten back from her trip, she offered to make Ben dinner in order to thank him for feeding Bebe, watering—and naming—the plants, and the bread. As expected, the money she had left him had remained on her counter, so she used it to buy supplies for dinner. He was going to reap the benefits whether he liked it or not. When she had asked him earlier that day, he had responded with a terse ‘Sure.’ In response, she told him that she would be over as soon as she got home from work.</p><p>When Ben opened the door, he was on the phone, but he still welcomed her in with a nod and immediately relieved her of a couple of her bags. They walked over to the kitchen counter together and set them all down, Rey commencing with her task instantly. She was making spaghetti, one of the only meals she actually knew how to make decently, so Ben was just going to have to forgo his precedent of fanciful food for the evening.</p><p>“No, no I told you, my paralegal was supposed to take care of that. She should have sent those files to you already.” He said, beginning to pace around his apartment.</p><p>Rey wasn’t one to assimilate herself into what was his business, so she just kept busy with her dinner preparation.</p><p>Despite the fact that he was on the phone, he still was gesturing around with his free arm hectically. Ben was certainly a person who talked with his hands just much as his mouth, which was to say that was a lot, “Goddammit Pryde we don’t even work for the same firm anymore! Just because you are persecuting my client doesn’t mean that I am going to reveal anymore than what is necessary for the case.” Ben defended while he raised his fingers to rake through his hair. Rey wondered if Ben was even aware of how much he did this as it was a seemingly perfunctory action for him most of the time. At the moment, she imagined doing it herself in order to comfort him as he was clearly tense, but she instead turned to put some items in the fridge and poured out the marinara in a pot she had gotten out. Being a witness to Ben’s distress now made her question if this whole situation was why he had been rather laconic in his text messages when they were typically much more expansive.</p><p>His pacing had taken him to near his couch as he continued to keep his temper, but much like her marinara, it seemed like there was definitely some simmering under the surface, “If you threaten me one more time, I <em>will </em>have to take legal action. Now just act professional for once in your life and figure out your own case!” He nearly growled, and then he hung up the phone and threw it on the couch, running his hands over his face.</p><p>“Tough day at work?” She asked, not being able to stand the stillness in the room after he was done with the phone call.</p><p>Ben collapsed himself on the couch, not facing her, “I guess.”</p><p>“Want to talk about it?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“Well, do you want to talk about what a tool that other attorney is being?”</p><p>He sighed and crossed his arms, “He was just doing his job, Rey.”</p><p>She was trying to determine how to approach this tactfully without upsetting him further as he was definitely in one of his notorious Solo brooding moods, “If you ask me, it seems like he was trying to get a rise out of you on purpose.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>The fact that he wasn’t coming to his own defense in this situation more than irked her, however, “Well it’s not fair and you shouldn’t have to take that because it seemed to me that—”</p><p>“For fuck’s sake, I told you that I didn’t want to talk about this!” He shouted, turning to her, “this isn’t something that you can just figure out and solve, okay? This is a real case where my client can face some actual time if I don’t figure this out. Now I would appreciate it if you would just <em>drop </em>it and leave it alone!” He yelled at her steadfastly, facing away from her as soon as he was done with his diatribe.</p><p>Her temper shot up immediately and she reflexively shot back, “Well don’t take it out on me then!”</p><p>Ben scoffed and Rey just instinctively knew that he had also rolled his eyes, “I was not taking it out on you. I was merely trying to explain the situation at hand—”</p><p>“So what did I do then to deserve your wrath?”</p><p>He noncommittally raised his head in her direction, “You were prying.”</p><p>She felt the rage in her spike, “I was not, you idiot! I was just trying to point out and commiserate with you about how unreasonable that other lawyer was being, but then you had to get all ‘he was just doing his job Rey’ on me.” Rey defended as she lowered her voice to impersonate this infuriating man sulking on the couch.</p><p>“Well, he was!”</p><p>“Ugh!” She shouted, now suddenly very interested to see how much her water had boiled instead taking part in this conversation, “Whatever, Ben. Just nevermind.”</p><p>Neither of them decided to expand more on their arguments, and Rey was more than thankful that she had something to busy herself with as she threw the noodles into the water and preheated the oven for the garlic bread she was going to make. Ben had lost his temper on her before, it was certainly not an unheard of occurrence, but his dour state was really not her fault this time. What was even more perplexing was the fact that she still wanted to bring him into a more blithesome disposition, despite how hurt she was currently.</p><p>A scheming idea fell into her brain as she sneered while buttering up the bread she had just cut, “Alexa, play jazz.”</p><p>Ben had disclosed to her his aversion to the genre, which was a mistake on his part, because now she was determined to annoy him into better spirits.</p><p>“Alright, playing jazz.” She said, and then the most perfect, most obnoxious song came on through her speakers.</p><p>His repugnant response was immediate, “Fucking hell, you know I hate jazz!” Ben shouted over the music as Rey kept asking the Alexa to turn the volume up.</p><p>“What? I can’t hear you skis ka do do do yeah!” Rey sang, losing herself into the groove of the song.</p><p>“I am not in the mood for this!” He yelled again, “Why are you doing this?!”</p><p>Rey had decided that it was in her best interest to completely ignore him.</p><p>“Ba da da da da <em>da </em>ah! Because you are being a grumpy pants, and I just <em>love</em> this song!” She sang, now using the wooden spoon she was using as a microphone and spun around, shimmying her shoulders, “Tsk a do, shodalo bop yeah!”</p><p>“How could you say something like that when there is absolutely no discernable melody and trumpets are just yelling at you?!” Ben continued his tirade on his abhorrence for her musical choices.</p><p>Rey looked up and saw that he was facing her again, his expression surly, as he stared her down with eyes full of malice. Rey still kept moving her body in the same ostentatious manner, and would really get into it if the trumpets started up again, but dammit she climbed this hill and she was going to die on it.</p><p>After a couple more of her shakes, she saw Ben break as he grinned slightly down at the floor, “You are so annoying.”</p><p>This only validated her efforts and she shrugged, now putting the bread in the oven with a flourish of her arms after she closed it, “Ba ta ta ta! Skolidy di do boop!”</p><p>Ben leaned his head on the back of the couch, “I think I loathe you right now.”</p><p>All she did now was smile widely at her assiduity, almost convinced that he was done brooding. It was a long stretch of time before either of them spoke again, but Rey let the music continue, just to spite him. It’s not like he couldn’t turn it off at any point. She just kept to herself and tasted her marinara, pondering to herself what the missing component could be.</p><p>“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” She heard Ben say, although it was a little difficult to hear over the all-encompassing jazz plaguing his apartment.</p><p>Rey asked Alexa to stop first before she responded, “It’s alright, I get it.”</p><p>“No, it’s not alright. This case just has me really fried, and this other attorney—”</p><p>“Oh you mean, Douche, Esquire?”</p><p>He turned back at her and smirked, “Yes, him…he is trying to pressure me into revealing more about my client than is necessary because we used to work together.”</p><p>She scrunched up her nose, “That doesn’t sound right.”</p><p>“It’s not.”</p><p>“Well, you always seem to figure it out. Just play some jazz and I know you’ll get it.”</p><p>“Goddamit Rey.”</p><p>Silence enveloped them yet again for a little while, and throughout it, Rey looked up to see that he was still facing her with his arm draped over the back of the couch, but he was looking down as if in some deep contemplation. She let him think or do whatever it was he needed to do in that convoluted head of his.</p><p>Rey was done with boiling the noodles by the time Ben struck up the conversation again, “Thanks for cheering me up.”</p><p>“Anytime.”</p><p>He stood up and walked over to the counter and watched her with crossed arms, which felt odd because that was normally her role. Is this how it felt for him? Completely scrutinizing?</p><p>“Anything I can help you with?”</p><p>She smirked, figuring he would probably try and pull something like this. Boy had just as hard of a time giving up control as she did.</p><p>“No, no, Solo. This is <em>my </em>meal. No Ramsaying it up in here.”</p><p>He snorted and looked to her marinara, “Your sauce needs more salt.”</p><p>Glaring at him, she looked over at the offending sauce, “How do you know that?”</p><p>Ben shrugged one of his shoulders and sat at one of the stools, “I can just sense it.”</p><p>“No you can<em>not</em>. Get out of here.”</p><p>“Okay, well I am just assuming then.”</p><p>“Ugh,” she exasperated and just to humor him, she put some salt in like salt bae, and gave him a pointed look before she tasted it, “dammit, it is better.”</p><p>Saying nothing, Ben just bore an arrogant smirk on his face.</p><p>“I am sorry,” she stated with a steely glare, “I will take my noodles and bounce if you want me to leave. I will eat them in front of you too, right at the window next to Patricia and Zach.”</p><p>He waved his tennis racket hands up at her, “No, no. Sorry for the back seat cooking. My mother always does that to me and it drives me crazy.”</p><p>“Well,” Rey considered, “it <em>did </em>improve it, I guess.”</p><p>He just kept smiling and looked down at the counter, which was such a stark contrast from even just a few minutes ago. Rey stirred the sauce a couple more times.</p><p>“Does your mother always have to be right, too?”</p><p>His eyes met hers with an indiscernible quality to them, “Yes, when it comes to cooking…and everything else basically.”</p><p>Rey chuckled, “That must be where you get your know-it-all streak from.”</p><p>“Hey,” he started and she glared at him with a raised eyebrow, and he sighed, leaning on his hand, “okay, <em>maybe</em>,” he smiled, “are Patricia and Zach still in a fight?”</p><p>Rey shook her head, smiling and turned off the burner, “No, they made up after Rebecca helped them see the error of their ways.” She said. It was common for them to talk about her plants as if they were real people after Ben named them. That next day, she even went around and named the few that he had, including the aloe vera plant she had gotten him. Ben was thrilled to add a new plant to his collection when she had presented him with it. She named him Ethan.</p><p>He laughed, “You know, Barry still wants to hang out with Rebecca.”</p><p>Barry was the ficus Ben owned, the poor plant just trying to get Rebecca’s attention from across the street.</p><p>“Well, he should just come over and say hi.”</p><p>He pointed at her and glared, “That’s a lot more difficult than you think.”</p><p>Rey went to open the bottle of red wine she had bought, again probably not up to Ben’s standards but what was, and turned to get the wine glasses out of their usual cupboard. She poured the glasses and offered Ben his, “Hm, maybe he should get her some baked goods. I’ve heard that works wonders at breaking the ice.”</p><p>Ben shook his head and chuckled, taking the glass, “I’ll relay the message to him.”</p><p>She tasted her sauce one last time, satisfied, “Okay, you can make yourself useful and get us our plates and stuff.”</p><p>“Yes, ma’am.”</p><p>They sat at the table while Rey dished out their food with the garlic bread. It felt nice to do this for him, and judging by the sort of day he apparently had, it seemed like he needed it.</p><p>“I am sorry this isn’t probably up to your standards.” Rey said as she began eating.</p><p>He swallowed his first bite and wiped his mouth on his napkin, “It’s perfect,” he defended, making Rey smile, “but good thing you put that salt in, otherwise it would have been garbage.”</p><p>She glared at him and the corner of her mouth raised, “Alexa, play jazz.”</p><p>“Alright, playing jazz.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I just had to get out of the apartment. Finn has been driving me insane.”</p><p>Rey had just been enjoying—well enjoying was a strong word considering what she was currently doing—her Saturday morning, answering those ceaseless emails, when Rose asked her if she wanted to meet for coffee, despite them having brunch the next day, but she said yes anyway, searching for any excuse to get away from her screen.</p><p>Rey smiled at her over her latte. The two had just sat down in the semi crowded establishment, so they were relieved to find an open table, “What has he been doing now?”</p><p>Before Rose could answer, however, her phone was buzzing with a call with the caller ID ‘Holdo,’ Rose’s boss. She looked down and sighed, “Ugh, sorry, I have to take this.”</p><p>Rey nodded, “Oh, go ahead!”</p><p>Rose got up and rolled her eyes before answering and walked out the door to take the it outside. Rey just sat there and took out her phone and relented to scrolling Instagram to see if there was anything interesting, or at least something she could do to mindlessly pass the time. She tried tuning out the other conversations going on around her.</p><p>“I’m telling you Margaret,” said the older woman two tables down from her, “my upstairs neighbor is a very handsome young man indeed, and there is this pretty young thing that lives across from me on the third floor, and <em>I </em>think they took a notice to each other.”</p><p>Well <em>that</em> sentence certainly piqued her interest. She leaned in closer without trying to be too noticeable that she needed to hear every single word uttered by this woman.</p><p>“Really? Why do you say that?” Margaret asked.</p><p>“Well,” continued the woman, “this girl has been living there for quite a few years, and she has all of these beautiful plants that line her windows. I’ve never really seen her with any suitors, but then <em>this </em>gentleman moves in upstairs.”</p><p>Oh…<em>shit</em>.</p><p>“Oh my, do go on Betty!” Margaret said, leaning in closer.</p><p>She chanced a peek over at Betty, and sure enough she did recognize her as the older woman who lived under Ben. Holy fuck this was excruciating.</p><p>“Yes, it is a fascinating tale, but I must say it took a while for them to finally get together. I think they were being so stubborn,” she said before she took a sip of her coffee, “he used to have this little girlfriend that would come around, and, oh my sometimes I would see them fight, either in the garage or even in the lobby. It was…a little unseemly. Most of the time I would just feel bad for him.”</p><p>“I see…And this was before he took a notice to the girl from across the street?”</p><p>Betty nodded, “Yes, I believe so,” she conjectured, taking another sip, “but then after almost a whole year of him moving in, I look over one day and guess who is in this beautiful girl’s apartment?”</p><p>“The young man from upstairs!”</p><p>“The very same. I think his name is Ben or Ken or something if I remember correctly. Now ever since that day I saw him over there these two are <em>inseparable</em>. I always see them walking in together with that lab of his, or if they’re not upstairs, they’re across the street at her apartment. And they are just the cutest little couple, Margaret. And sometimes they’ll even be up at all hours of the night doing god knows what up there, but they look so happy!”</p><p>“Oh, I do love to hear a good love story like that. I am glad they finally got together.” Margaret stated.</p><p>Rey didn’t dare look over at the women again; she even tried to cover up her face with her hand. Did Betty not see her? She must not have because how could you tell that whole story if you thought the very subject of it could hear you? Fortunately, they only had a few more statements to say about her and Ben, and then they started talking about whatever Margaret’s great nephew was doing with his life instead of the hot new couple on the street. Goodness, that was hard to listen to. It was pretty unexpected to be hearing this since she had just recently asked Ben what he suspected their other neighbors thought of them, and now she knew. They thought she and Ben were together. Wow.</p><p>That wasn’t really <em>that</em> surprising, considering the assumptions people make when they see a man and a woman together like that. And Betty had taken a notice to <em>them</em>.</p><p>Rey was still attempting to wrap her head around all of this when Rose came back in and sat across from her.</p><p>“Sooo sorry about that. Holdo was just trying to go over a few things with me and it took a while.”</p><p>Looking up at her with raised eyebrows, Rey tried to appear like nothing had transpired in her absence, “Hm? Oh, it’s fine! Totally get it, you know.”</p><p>Rose smiled, “Yes, I know you do. If anyone does, it’s you.”</p><p>“You know it,” Rey said, shaking her head to cleanse herself of Betty and Margaret’s conversation, “anyway, what has our dear boy done now?”</p><p>“Ugh, he’s obsessed with feng shui right now and he’s rearranging everything. It’s absolute madness.” Rose complained, taking a large gulp of her coffee.</p><p>Nearly snorting out her coffee, Rey recovered slightly before speaking again, “I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes, “It all started with him watching way too much Marie Kondo, and then he ventured into other ways to organize the apartment after he cleared all of the clutter away. I think he has a crush on her. He didn’t like it when I said he clearly had a thing for Asian women,” Rose giggled, “now he’s moving the couch at such an awkward angle that I just couldn’t watch it anymore.”</p><p>Rey could not stop laughing at the idea of Finn angling the couch just so, all the while driving his girlfriend up the wall, “He’s so stupid, I love it. I have to see.”</p><p>Rose shook her head vehemently, “No, <em>no</em>, I am <em>not</em> letting you see that train wreck until after this phase passes.”</p><p>“The things you do for love.” Rey said with her hand over her heart.</p><p>Rose smirked and drank her coffee again, “He had better snap out of it quickly because I just got this whole new case load at work, which is what Holdo was just calling me about, so I might have to camp out at your place for a while if he doesn’t cut it out.”</p><p>“You’re welcome to it if you need.” Rey giggled.</p><p>Looking like she was contemplating something in her head, Rose pressed her lips together, “Though I don’t know how <em>you</em> get anything done there with your own distraction of those <em>abs</em> across the street.”</p><p>Rey knew she was blushing. Rose wasn’t even aware of what she was getting into with that, “Yes, I’ve grown used to the feeling.”</p><p>“And how’s that purely physical attraction going? Taken care of it yet? And his girlfriend still hasn’t resurfaced?”</p><p><em>No, it’s only gotten so much worse. Now I know he’s a dork and those are my </em>weakness.</p><p>Clearing her throat, she picked at the sleeve of her cup, “Um, it’s going. And no, she hasn’t.”</p><p>Rose made a humming noise before she leaned on her hand, “Still just haven’t gone over there and banged him, have you?”</p><p>Rey snorted, shaking her head, “<em>No</em>, no, definitely haven’t done that.”</p><p><em>I wish</em>.</p><p>“You’re going to break one day, or he is. It’s only going to take just another round of him running around in his too small of a towel and next thing you know your Aries ass is just going to go feral on him.”</p><p><em>You have no idea</em>.</p><p>“I think I can control myself, Rose. I am not just some cavewoman with only one thing on my mind.”</p><p>Rose picked up her cup, bringing it to her mouth, “Could have fooled me.”</p><p>Rey really thought about the hole she was only digging herself further into by not telling Rose the truth. At this point, she really felt like she couldn’t, and now she didn’t even know where to start. Much like she had felt in San Diego, she thought of how explaining her secret would go. ‘Oh, by the way Rose, hot neighbor boy and I are good enough friends now that he knows me well enough to know how often I have to buy cat food, and the mere scent of him almost sets me into hysterics. Did I forget to mention that? <em>My</em> bad.’</p><p>She breathed in and closed her eyes before approaching the topic, “I know. And I know that I have proven to be a little—”</p><p>“Thirsty?”</p><p>“Yes, thirsty, but I feel like I have gotten it under control. Or at least better than I was when he first moved in.”</p><p>Rose looked like she was contemplating her words, “It’s just been a while, since we <em>really </em>talked about how you feel about him…so sorry to bring it up. I was just wondering what the status of it actually was. But if that’s the case, then I do believe you.”</p><p>Now Rey just felt all the more guilty, “Thank you.”</p><p>Rey was then brought back to Rose’s thirsty comment, “And hey! I put myself out there…a while ago.”</p><p>Rose gave a short laugh, “Having a one-night stand with a guy who writes greeting cards that didn’t even get you off does not count as putting yourself out there.”</p><p>Before Rey could respond, Rose’s phone began buzzing again with a call, and Rey saw Finn’s face on the screen.</p><p>“Can't even get a <em>minute </em>to myself,” she huffed before answering it, “yes, dear?”</p><p>Rose propped herself over the table while she spoke, “I am just talking with Rey about how she has <em>not </em>technically put herself out there after one one-night stand that didn’t even get her off.”</p><p>Laughing, Rose held out the phone and put it on speakerphone, “Finnegan has something he wants to say to you.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes as Rose put the phone down on the table, “Yes Finn?”</p><p>“Wait, he didn’t even get you off? That is so rude!”</p><p>She laughed and leaned on the table too, “I know right? It’s not like I even had the opportunity to fake it. I know we were drunk, but come on. Ask a lady that made the effort to take you back to her apartment.”</p><p>Rose’s eyes widened, “I never thought to ask, but did hot neighbor boy see that you had a guy over?”</p><p>Rey gave a sly smile, “Maybe.”</p><p>Rubbing her hands together, Rose offered a sly smile of her own, “Ohhhh, I bet someone was <em>jealous</em>!”</p><p>Rey waved her off, “Oh he was <em>not</em>. That definitely <em>was </em>while him and his girlfriend were still together.”</p><p>“Maybe you should do it again, just to remind him what he is missing.” Finn said over the phone.</p><p>Thinking about it for a moment, Rey briefly wondered what it would be like if she did. How would Ben react? Would he care? Would she have to text him beforehand and be like ‘Don’t mind me, just getting lucky over here!’ The notion was strange to her because Rey admittedly thought about him most of the time when she was using her vibrator, so maybe naming it after him <em>wouldn’t</em> be such an off-kilter idea like Rose had joked about in San Diego. Goodness, she needed help.</p><p>She shrugged, trying to be nonchalant, “Maybe I should.”</p><p>Rose was cackling as she picked the phone back up and took it off speakerphone, “Anyway, is there a reason you needed to call me <em>right </em>now?”</p><p>Her mouth gaped for a few moments before pinching the bridge of her nose, “Are you serious? Why didn’t you say something earlier? …Ugh, okay, fine, I’m on my way.”</p><p>Rose hung up the call, “It seems like the love of my life somehow managed to drop the couch on himself, and said that his foot was hurting pretty badly. Might even want to go to the hospital. For some reason I feel like it’s not as serious as he is making it out to be.”</p><p>Feeling like she was suppressing a giggle, Rey tried to be supportive, “Well, you had better go and check that out Nurse Rose.”</p><p>“Oh hush,” Rose said while she stood, “we still on for tomorrow?”</p><p>“You know it! Can’t wait to hear what happened with our impromptu interior designer.”</p><p>“Alright,” Rose smiled, “see you then. If we’re still alive after our deadly couch hasn’t tried to murder us.”</p><p>They said goodbye to one another before Rose dashed out the door. Rey then took a couple of minutes answering emails after she saw Ackbar had messaged her again after this morning. She felt like she was in a stupor as she almost took a sip from her coffee with the lid not quite making it to her mouth while she was formulating a response to her boss.</p><p>“Ackbar on your case again?”</p><p>Rey jumped in her seat, almost spilling her latte all over her lap, only to look up and see it was none other than Ben leaning over the chair Rose had literally just been occupying, looking like he had just finished a run and far too appealing with his hair sticking up in all the right places. Speaking of going feral, she was pretty sure the smell of his sweat mingled with his usual aroma was going to cause her to push him down and straddle him on this tiny table in this Starbucks.</p><p>“What is a matter with you Benjamin? I could have died!”</p><p>He smiled, pulling out the chair and sat in it. It was probably still warm from Rose, “Oh, don’t be so dramatic.”</p><p>Glaring at him, she was trying not to concentrate on the sheen all over his much too protruding biceps in his sleeveless shirt and how she would literally <em>lick </em>them now if she could, “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“What, you’re not happy to see me?”</p><p>“I see you every day, whether I like it or not.”</p><p>He chuckled and looked absolutely comical as he made the table look even smaller by leaning over it, “Believe it or not, I do actually have a life outside of my apartment and you.”</p><p>“Hogwash. What could be more important than me?”</p><p>The barista called for Ben, and he got up to get his drink from him. While he went to get his drink, Rey looked over to see if Betty and Margaret were still there. They were, but it looked like they were getting ready to leave as they were getting their purses out. Thank god. They probably still saw Ben grace in here though. Boy was hard to miss.</p><p>Ben returned to sit across from her, “I just came in here after my run and I looked over and happened to see you sitting here by yourself, with that particular look that only your boss gives you when you read his emails.”</p><p>“I—I have an Ackbar look?”</p><p>“You have an Ackbar look.”</p><p>“Well, what does it look like?”</p><p>He smiled and contorted his face with a grimace and pouted, “Something like that.”</p><p>“Oh my God, I hope he hasn’t noticed that.”</p><p>“You’re not always the best at covering up your anger.”</p><p>“You’re one to talk.”</p><p>“Oh, I am an absolute nightmare,” he agreed, “I don’t know how you put up with me.”</p><p>Rey shrugged and sipped at her latte, “The free gourmet meals, mostly. And your cute dog.”</p><p>Ben smiled in a ridiculous manner that showed off his dimples, “I thought as much.”</p><p>“Good that you know your place.”</p><p>He chuckled and drank his tea, “You want to go see that movie you were talking about later?”</p><p>“Will your dog be there?”</p><p>“I mean I could just send him over if that’s what you want.”</p><p>Rey nodded and he smiled as he stood, “Alright, well I am going to go shower. I am pretty disgusting.”</p><p><em>No, no you’re not. I would wrap my legs around your sweaty body right now in front of all these nice people, Margaret and Betty included. It would be </em>tremendously<em> unseemly.</em></p><p>“Yes, you are.”</p><p>He shrugged at her, “I will let you know when I am less disgusting.”</p><p>
  <em>Just get the fuck out of here before I do something I regret, probably having to do with terrifying you, Margaret, and Betty with a dash of public indecency.</em>
</p><p>Rey nodded and he left, but the smell of him wafted for a few minutes and Rey realized that Rose may have been right about her ferocity if she saw him in a towel, so she waited long enough until she knew he would be fully clothed again. In that time, she thought about how close she was to being in an extremely uncomfortable situation with Rose and Ben running into each other like that. If Finn hadn’t injured himself and called Rose, then just how would she explain that one?</p><p> </p><p>Rey went up to his apartment when he told her he was done showering. She still gave him plenty of time to change as she was not about that 'ripping the towel off of your close friend just to see how glorious his junk actually is’ life. She was more civilized than that, certainly.</p><p>Okay for real, she must be starting her period or something soon because she was in rare form today. Ironic when she had just been called out by Rose who didn’t even know the <em>half</em> of her nefarious desires. Rey wouldn’t go feral if she could just keep herself in check.</p><p>Ben was standing at his counter, leaning over it looking at his phone when she came in. He looked up at her, “Hey.”</p><p>“Hey, you cleaned yourself! Good for you!”</p><p>
  <em>Thank all that is holy.</em>
</p><p>He smirked down at his screen, “Yes, I did it all by myself and everything.”</p><p>Rey stood there and blinked.</p><p><em>Oh he did </em>not <em>just say that…nope do not</em> <em>even go there Kenobi.</em></p><p>
  <em>US BOTH VERY MUCH UNCLOTHED IN THE SHOWER DOING EVERYTHING BUT ACTUAL SHOWER ACTIVITES—SHIT!</em>
</p><p>She was so grateful that he wasn’t looking at her because she was pretty sure her brain just short circuited after fervently trying to not picture his lips on her wet skin, whispering in her ear, and his fingers inside of her, “He’s growing up.”</p><p>Putting her licentious thoughts aside, Rey still determined that she should put some distance between Ben ‘my hair is still drying and it looks adorable with my ears peeking out of it’ Solo and herself, so she walked over to the window.</p><p>“I take it Ethan is still getting along with everyone?”</p><p>“Yes,” Ben said from the counter, “but you know how Barry is.”</p><p>Rey looked over at her apartment to Rebecca the fern, “She’s still glaring at him?”</p><p>“So he claims.”</p><p>“Well, he’s being a drama queen,” she snickered, rounding up to the ficus in question, “she’s <em>not </em>glaring at you. She’s got better things to do!”</p><p>Ben laughed from behind her and she turned to him, “Yeah man, you should <em>be </em>so lucky.”</p><p>Rey made her way to the couch while she shook her head at their ridiculousness, “Are you checking the times?”</p><p>He nodded at his phone as his finger continued to scroll on the screen, “<em>Yees</em>, okay we’ve still got a lot of time to kill before the next showing.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Rey hummed while a musing came to her mind from earlier, “hey, do you know who Betty is?”</p><p>His eyes met hers in confusion, “You mean the older lady who lives under me?” He stood up straighter, “I’ve met her in passing. She likes to pet R2 if we ever walk into the lobby together,” he smiled, “she’s offered to bake me cookies before.”</p><p>Rey tilted her head at him, “An obvious grandma offered to make you cookies and you <em>didn’t </em>take her up on it?”</p><p>He laughed, “Yeah, I guess I should, but I think maybe <em>you </em>just want the cookies.”</p><p>She shrugged a shoulder, “I mean, I feel like I would also celebrate in the plunder.”</p><p>“Sure sure Kenobi,” he stated, “why do you ask?”</p><p>Rey had no idea why she hadn’t given a thought to what the answer to that question would be, but she had always been adept with sounding convincing, “I met her in the elevator, and you know, she lives under you so I recognized her. She seems nice.”</p><p>“Well,” Ben said, “I guess I’ll have to go down there and see if I can entice her with <em>my </em>grandma’s recipes to see if she’d give be still willing to still bake them for me.”</p><p>Rey snickered, “Just wile her with that incorrigible Solo charm, and I am sure she’d bake whatever you wanted.”</p><p>“Are,” he started suspiciously, “are you suggesting I go down there and seduce an unsuspecting old woman only for her to get nothing out of the transaction?”</p><p>“Well—no, goodness, not like <em>that</em>. One track mind over here! I meant as like a nice grandson type, you perv.”</p><p>He chuckled, “Then don’t use the terms ‘wile’ and ‘incorrigible Solo charm’ in that sentence.”</p><p>Rey held up her hands, “Okay, okay. I misspoke…I mean, unless you’re <em>into</em> that sort of thing.”</p><p>He leaned down on the counter again and buried his face in his hands while he shook with laughter, “I was hoping you wouldn’t notice my affinity for those silver foxes.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him “I knew it.”</p><p>Poor Betty.</p><p>“I am sure that if you went there and offered her some recipes, she would be happy to share hers.” Rey offered.</p><p>Ben shrugged and smiled downwards. The thought of Ben baking with a nice old woman like Betty was a really enduring image to her, but now that she thought about it, if Ben really did decide to do that, she probably start asking about his neighbor ‘girlfriend.’ That would be a fun one to explain, especially if he wasn’t expecting it. Rey didn’t want to shatter Betty’s dreams of the two lives she had been observing.</p><p>As if on cue, R2 came to veer the conversation in a different direction, galivanting up to Rey with his ball, and she took it and threw it for him, “Anyway, we could take him to the dog park nearby if we want to kill time.”</p><p>Ben looked up and smiled at his dog, and proceeded to approach him and got his ball out of his mouth, “Yes, do you want daddy to take you to the park?”</p><p>There was that damn animal voice again.</p><p>R2 barked as Ben threw the ball, “That’s a good idea. It’s been a while since I’ve taken him there.”</p><p>Rey stood up promptly, “Then let’s go!”</p><p> </p><p>Soon they were at the dog park, and Ben let R2 off the leash as the pooch ran around ecstatically, happy to play with the other dogs that littered the place. He immediately started sniffing at this border collie, and it looked like they became fast friends.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>, does R2 have a girlfriend?” Rey asked.</p><p>Ben chuckled as they stood there and watched the two dogs, “I think so. He seems to like that collie a lot. Whenever she’s here, he goes to her.”</p><p>Shaking her head, she started to walk with Ben as they made their way around the park, “Well isn’t that just <em>adorable</em>.”</p><p>“He’s a real lady’s man, I’ll give him that,” Ben said, putting his hands in his pockets, “I think that blonde girl over there is her owner, but I’m not 100% positive.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes went to the girl in question, and she saw her reading a book on one of the benches. She certainly was very attractive, and Rey felt her heart sink.</p><p>“Oh,” Rey swallowed, “she’s pretty.”</p><p>Ben brought up one of his hands to scratch the back of his neck, “Yeah, I suppose she is.”</p><p>Suddenly there were several horrendously destructive thoughts that were in her brain spreading as rampantly as an untamable fire. Was Rey keeping him from making a connection here? Did he come here often to see this girl? Did he want to date her? Just what would Betty think if she saw Ben with her?</p><p>She was getting too far ahead of herself, she was sure, but Rey had already had to deal with him having a girlfriend as B; she did not think she could handle this.</p><p>Rey was concentrating on breathing and looking like a normal person before she had any sort of comprehension of what was coming out of her traitorous mouth, “Have you ever tried going up to her?”</p><p>Hold up, <em>what</em>? Why did she ask that? Just what in the hell was wrong with her? She did <em>not </em>want to hear the answer to that.</p><p>Rey saw the flush come up on his cheeks as he closed his eyes briefly before speaking, “Um, no…Don’t you think that’s a little weird?”</p><p>She laughed so uncomfortably to cover up the tears she felt inside, “What? No! That’s a totally normal thing to do, and plus you’re a—good looking guy, so why not?”</p><p>Par<em>don</em>? What did she just say? Did she really just say he was good looking <em>out loud </em>to him while encouraging him to go up to <em>another</em> girl? There goes that word vomit that she had the nastiest habit of in the most inopportune times, not that she would start spewing from her mouth uncontrollably when she wasn’t exceedingly uncomfortable. She needed to stop this <em>now </em>if she for real wanted to keep her sanity.</p><p>“Oh um—thanks. Maybe I could…but perhaps another time. I would feel odd doing that if you were here.” Ben said incongruously, his redness still very much intact.</p><p>“Oh,” Rey laughed again very uneasily, “right, yeah. I am not trying to set you up here. I get that. My boss has been trying to set me up with his nephew for <em>forever</em>, but I think if you really wanted to go up to her—”</p><p>“He has?”</p><p>His question interrupted this seemingly infinite verbal regurgitation, and she was thankful because <em>she </em>wasn’t even sure what the hell she was saying anymore, “What?”</p><p>“Ackbar,” Ben chuckled, “he’s trying to set you up?”</p><p>Rey breathed in for a moment and saw the smile he was actually presenting her, and she didn’t know what to make of it, “Oh uh, yeah. Ackbar has been trying to set me up with his dentist nephew Nathan for a while now.”</p><p>“I see,” Ben said, crossing his arms, “are you…going to take him up on it?”</p><p>His tone was so hard to read as it seemed extremely even to her. Why was he curious about that? She thought of Finn suggesting that she should go out with another guy to make hot neighbor boy jealous. Is that what this was? Or was he just trying to see if she would so he wouldn’t feel so weird about going up to that blonde girl on the bench? God, she hated her overanalytical female brain and her dire need to dissect <em>everything</em>.</p><p>“I—I don’t know. I’ve seen him around, and he’s cute. I’m kind of running out of excuses not to at this point, so maybe I will. I told him quite a while back that I would think about it, so it’s probably about time that Ackbar asked me again. Nathan…seems nice.”</p><p>“Hm,” Ben mused, staring off into R2’s direction, “well if you want to, then you should.”</p><p><em>No I don’t </em>want <em>to you great too big for your own good imbecile!</em></p><p>“Yes, fair point,” she said, straining to sound unbothered, “just like with you and that girl.”</p><p>Ben nodded, eyes finding direction of the girl that was too pretty and pale, long hair cascading down her shoulders as she turned the page in her book, “Right.”</p><p>This was honestly the most awkward she had ever felt around him by far, and she had run away from this man after spilling cupcakes all over him for goodness sake!</p><p>“Yes. Well—” And just as Rey was thinking that there wasn't even a small inkling that her insipid brain could come up with to end that sentence, R2 came bounding up to them, and he must have just doggy sensed the tension because she had never been happier to see this dog alive in her life, besides when he had that <em>actual</em> brush with death, no doubt.</p><p>“Aww, R2, you having fun boy?” Rey kneeled down to pet him. He was panting hard as he collapsed in front of her, showing off his belly, which meant he wanted scratches, and Rey sighed, thrilled to oblige in order for her to eject herself out of probably the worst conversation she has had in a long time.</p><p>After Rey pet him for a while, she threw his ball and stood up, absolutely more than ready for a subject change, “So how much longer do we have until the movie now?”</p><p>Ben checked his phone for the time, “An hour or so still. I figure we can let him tire himself out before we leave.”</p><p>She felt like she was able to breathe again like a functioning human person, “Well, yes, certainly. Want him to get all the yah yahs out.”</p><p>Ben snorted, “What the hell is a yah yah?”</p><p>“You’ve never heard of that? It’s something one of my foster moms used to say when she said I had too much energy.” Rey explained. This was when she was still at Kaydel’s house, and her mother used to say that when the two girls would get really rowdy, and she would want them to get all their energy out.</p><p>“She was a rambunctious child. What a shocker. I’m shocked.” He joked, smirking slightly at her.</p><p>She shoved his shoulder a bit, “Shut <em>up</em>. Like tiny Ben Solo wasn’t?” Rey smiled, more than thankful to be back to their normal repartee.</p><p>“No, I was just a little angel. We’ve established that.”</p><p>“Right, and the full name calling and threats of neck ringing didn’t come into play at all with this little cherub?”</p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about Rey, you really need to get your stories straight.” He laughed, clearly amused by the reference to his mother that she had never even met before.</p><p>“Right, I give my deepest regrets, Benjamin. How rude of me.”</p><p>R2 came up to them again with his ball and Ben threw it, “I’ll try and forgive you one day.”</p><p>Rey was continuing to convince herself that she was fine, splendid in fact. When they got to the theater, they grabbed their popcorn, and Ben of course took up so much space next to her that he couldn’t help but brush up against her sometimes when he went to grab some of the kernels, which somehow roused her every time. She sighed, trying not to think about the earlier incident, and told herself if she had to, she would cross that bridge when she came to it.</p><p>She shouldn’t let her own feelings distract her from her friendship with Ben. All of her fantasizing and selfishness wasn’t fair to him, and he didn’t deserve it just because she had these feelings for him. It’s not like he signed up for that when he joined in on this relationship. This sort of platonic harmony had just never happened to her before, and it was really causing Rey to question how good of a friend she actually was. At some point in the movie, she looked over at him, and he was fortunately too enamored in the story because he didn’t notice her staring at him in awe as he laughed out loud, and honestly his utter merriment made her laugh as well.</p><p>As her laughter ended with his, she contemplated whether or not Ben Solo was worth all of this trepidation in her life.</p><p>She tried to ignore the blatant answer to that thought as the movie continued.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Ohhhhh, that was a close call, wasn't it??? That Rey, she is stubborn to the point of lunacy I swear. Though, honestly can relate.</p><p>I know what you were thinking, why was this chapter delayed a whole day? Well, someone's dumbass was going over this late at night and managed to delete ten THOUSAND words in her sleep, and restarted her computer without realizing it. Not kidding you that actually happened, including the first half of that first scene. WOoooooooW.</p><p>Anyway, I want to thank AngieC_385 for giving me that excellent idea of Rey overhearing someone talking about her and Ben. Betty's a reylo shipper y'all. Hope it lived up to expectations!</p><p>Thank you so much for reading...hope you stick around to see what comes next 😉 I also wanted to thank all of you that gave me encouragement last week about posting too frequently. I got so much support from everyone, and it was so sweet! Don't know why I like thought you guys were getting too overwhelmed. I still hope to post as much as I can, but like I said school may be a factor with that, so we shall see if I have dead school brain over here.</p><p>Please check out my <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey y'all, real quick. Idk of you'd be interested, but I spent like an obscene amount of time actually designing the layout of Ben and Rey's apartments 🙃 I just thought it would be helpful because that is how I write the fic with these layouts in mind. <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/post/631086158889336832/so-i-spent-a-lovely-afternoon-avoiding-homework">Here</a>! Anyway, on with the show!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey woke with air ripping into her lungs in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. Or at least she conjectured it was some kind of ungodly hour as her eyes were met with the drawn shades of her bedroom—still the only shades that ever routinely closed in her apartment—and found that they were still encompassed in darkness.</p><p>She had another nightmare about her grandfather, and accompanied with such an all too illustrative reliving of her trauma, Rey felt as if her chest was being weighed down by his malevolent presence. Her breaths were still coming out of her mouth as if they were scathing representation of what her heart was doing, which was beating far too rapidly for a human being. This realization caused her to throw her head back onto her pillow and inhale so intensely through her nose that her diaphragm was screaming at her, but she held it, and let it escape out of her mouth. Wanting to weep, she felt like she didn’t even have the emotional wherewithal to even conjure tears. After a few more deep breaths, she sat back up and pulled her knees up to her chest and heaved once more when the tears wouldn’t come.</p><p>This sort of violent wake up call happened to her at least once a month or so ever since he emailed her. The one thing that she hated the most is how much her grandfather still caused her to rouse in hysterics like this. It wasn’t fair to her, and she just wanted to move on from this childish convention, and ultimately, she wanted to move on from him. Her eyes were met with her window again, and as she gazed, her feet were moving on their own accord, fingers reacting in the same fashion as they threw up the blinds. Ben’s own blinds were down in his room, and the rest of the place was dark. She stood there for endless seconds, wondering why she found herself staring at the blankness of his temporarily quiescent apartment.</p><p>Then her stolid actions caught hold of her, and she was walking backwards until her knees were met with the back of her bed. She looked over at her nightstand where her phone was, and Rey found herself leaning over and grasping for it. Once she had pulled up their text message conversation after her eyes bemoaned her, adjusting themselves to the unwanted brightness, she let out another breath as she stared at the previous word bubbles consisting of an exchange discussing the versatility of Steve Carrel’s acting career. It was plentifully aided with appropriate quotes, images, and gifs. She smiled at Ben’s last message, a well placed ‘I don’t know what we’re yelling about!’ gif from <em>Anchorman</em>, stating that it was also representative of their friendship whenever they got into squabbles: ‘Us when we fight lol.’ Rey hadn’t responded because she had actually fallen asleep. It was only sent a couple of hours ago.</p><p>Brick Tambland’s face continued to yell on repeat as his efforts of just wanting to be included the argument of misogyny in the workplace caused her smile to turn into an all out bark of laughter, which she didn’t think was something she was capable at this current juncture.</p><p>After her temporary lapse of levity ended, her thumbs typed out the words she presently wanted to ask him.</p><p>
  <strong>Are you awake?</strong>
</p><p>Her finger hovered over the send button.</p><p>The hesitation made her pause. She couldn’t be doing this. Ben wasn’t obligated to be at her every beck and call. It was the middle of the bloody evening, and he could actually be asleep. She couldn’t put this on him. And when she thought about it, she didn’t even know what she would say to if he were to actually reply.</p><p>‘Hello Benjamin, care to discuss my most deep rooted emotional hang ups at 5 in the goddamn morning?’</p><p>That was late, even for them. Not that the hour even mattered because she was not going to that dwelling of weakness in her mind with him or with anyone.</p><p>It made Rey very aware of how dependent she had grown on him. She deleted the message and threw her phone away from her across the bed. This is what she always did; she handled things on her own, and she wasn’t supposed to need anyone, she reminded herself as her stubbornly misanthropic disposition took hold of her again. No, she couldn’t call Rose, she couldn’t call Finn, Jess, or even…Ben.</p><p>Now she collapsed sideways on her bed, her head where her feet normally resided and found the ability to cry after all.</p><p>This is why she would always be alone.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>There was a vague awareness in Rey’s periphery as it seemed like her hand was glued to her chin while her elbow leaned on the granite. She blinked the lassitude out of her eyes and suppressed the abhorrent shiver she automatically felt as Rey tried to bring herself back to the reality of her current surroundings. An all too familiar voice creeped its ways in into her eardrums.</p><p>“Rey?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“I asked if you wanted to help me chop the carrots.” Ben said to her from across the counter.</p><p>Ben had taken to trying out new recipes on her; he claimed it was in part because she was always willing to try out his food, or any food for that matter, anyway. Today it was coq au vin. He had rolled his eyes at her when she said that she wasn’t fancy enough for this kind of meal.</p><p>She was sitting at the island of her apartment where she normally did, but she was starting off, fidgeting with the stem of her wine glass.</p><p>Then she recognized that she would probably have to respond to him at some point and blinked at him some more, almost entirely unaware that he had just been talking to her, and in her current state, her normal defenses were completely down, “You don’t think I’d ruin it?”</p><p>That wasn’t their normal banter. Ordinarily, one of them would chide and the other would toss it back with just as much, if not more sass. She wasn’t able to keep up today.</p><p>He knit his eyebrows together, “No, of course not.”</p><p>Great, now he was being sincere. That was definitely not something she could handle at the moment.</p><p>Ben paused his task of breaking down an entire chicken, and he placed his hands down on the counter, “Are you okay?”</p><p>Rey sighed, probably not the best action when being asked that question. Truth be told she was still being plagued by that nightmare she had the previous evening, “No, I’m fine. Sorry, I’m just a little out of it today.”</p><p>He appeared to take that as an answer, to which she was thankful.</p><p>However, much to her chagrin, after a few seconds he spoke again, “Are you sure? You don’t seem like yourself.”</p><p>She realized that he had really only seen the good side of her, and if she had a choice, that would be <em>only</em> side she would want him to see. This, needy emotional person was different. She was someone that no would ever want and that everyone always left. Never enough.</p><p>Faking a smile as best she could, she looked to him with what she thought were comforting eyes, “I’m fine Ben, really. I just didn’t get great sleep last night. You know how we are sometimes.”</p><p>He stared down, but then nodded, seemingly convinced, or that was really what she was hoping for. He continued with his chicken, “If you wanted to go take a nap, I would understand. I can wake you when it’s ready.”</p><p>“No,” she responded, almost a little too forcefully, then she dialed it down, “no, I’m fine.”</p><p>
  <em>I like being here with you.</em>
</p><p>She took in a couple of deep breaths and a swig of her wine, bracing herself, “I can help you, I’m sorry. I think I can handle some carrots.” She concluded as she stood up from her seat and walked around the island.</p><p>“Your knife skills <em>have</em> gotten a lot better.” He said when she picked up the task.</p><p>She held the knife up to him and glared, “Watch yourself Solo.”</p><p>He smiled and nudged her with his hip, which nearly came up to her midsection, “There she is. It isn’t Rey unless she threatens you with a knife at least once.”</p><p>It wasn’t fair that he had this uncanny ability to make her smile, even now when he didn’t even know how much she wanted to cry underneath. They worked next together in silence just fine, Spotify playlist playing in the background. She loved listening to him hum along to the songs—that obviously wasn’t jazz—and she wasn’t all to convinced that he was aware he was even doing it. It was a much more subtle way that he cooked instead of completely giving into Bon Jovi, and Rey honestly loved watching him either way. These hums here and there were probably what he did when he was just B cooking by himself or even with his mother or girlfriend, she just didn’t know it. She was glad she did now.</p><p>When he was done breaking down the chicken, he held up his hands next to her. She felt him staring, so she turned her head to him.</p><p>“Who wants raw chicken fingers?” He said as he wiggled them around, the massive things.</p><p>She held up the knife again, “Don’t you dare Benjamin!”</p><p>They started circling each other the kitchen, her with her knife and him with his germ ridden fingers before he ended up just chasing her around, repeating chicken fingers over and over until she was just a fit of giggles and almost collapsed on the floor. She had to hold herself on the counter to prevent herself from doing so, “Stop! Oh my god stop!”</p><p>She tried to sound harsh, but it just ended up being exasperated in between her giggles, so she probably just sounded ridiculous. He was laughing too, still holding out his hands in the middle of the kitchen, then put them up in defeat, “Alright, alright. I’m going to go and wash these dangerous weapons then.”</p><p>He receded to the guest bathroom, to where she guessed he was going to relieve himself as well.</p><p>“Make sure to wash your hands before you handle any special equipment!” She shouted after him.</p><p>“Thanks for the reminder!” He shouted back from the bathroom before he closed the door.</p><p>She shook her head before going back to her carrots. As she was chopping, she felt her heart aching. Ben actually made her heart ache, but…this was in a good way? It was an odd sort of feeling—gratified, perhaps? She didn’t like it because she had no idea what it was. Damn him and making her feel things she didn’t understand.</p><p>Rey was so distracted with these thoughts that she barely comprehended hearing the door unlock, and she whipped around with her knife again in response.</p><p>It was Rose.</p><p>“Hey, jeez! Sorry babe, I just popped by because I just got done with my hot yoga class, and you know how much I hate using public bathrooms. Your place was right down the street! I’ve really got to go!” She exclaimed, throwing down her mat.</p><p>Rey was absolutely <em>horrified </em>and barely was able to speak words because Rose was already heading to the guest bathroom before she shouted out, “No!”</p><p>Rose turned to her, a confused grin on her face, “What’s wrong?”</p><p>“The plumbing’s been acting up in that one, just go use the one in my room.” Rey said, hoping that her blush was not creeping up enough for Rose to see. She was also hoping that Ben would take forever in the bathroom and that Rose would just leave right away.</p><p>“Oh, okay.” Rose shrugged as she started to make her way in the other direction. Rey was merciful that she had, but then Rose stopped midway through the kitchen.</p><p>“Wait, are you cooking? Like legit, cooking cooking?” She asked as she surveyed what was happening on the counter, “I didn’t even know you knew <em>how </em>to cook like this.”</p><p>Rey was honestly at a loss for words. Absolutely no excuses came to her at all as Rose was looking to her expectantly, then she heard a flush, and soon the bathroom door opening.</p><p>“Rey, can you start chopping the mushrooms next? I’ve really got to start braising the chicken.” Ben said as he turned the corner, approaching the kitchen once more. He stopped when he saw Rose who appeared to be shocked beyond all belief, which made sense honestly.</p><p>He responded in kind anyway, “Oh, sorry I didn’t know Rey was expecting company.”</p><p>Rose stared wide eyed from Rey to Ben and then Ben to Rey again.</p><p>“Rey.” She said sternly.</p><p>“Rose, I can explain—”</p><p>“Since when are you playing house cooking fucking chicken with hot neighbor boy?”</p><p>“Hot neighbor boy?”</p><p>“Hold on Rose, just calm down—”</p><p>“I <em>cannot believe </em>that you started banging your neighbor <em>without telling me</em>!” She yelled, her voice becoming more and more shrill.</p><p>“What, no, Rose we’re not <em>banging</em>—”</p><p>“Oh my God, does Finn know? Did you tell him without telling me?”</p><p>“Of course not!” Rey shouted, taken aback, despite the multitude of other issues to lament over at the moment.</p><p>Rose threw up her hands, “Aren’t I supposed to be your best friend Rey? Don’t you think this is something I would want to be privy to before I walk in on you and hot neighbor boy <em>braising chicken</em>?”</p><p>“My name’s Ben, actually.”</p><p>She breathed, looking to Ben, “I’m so sorry, braising chicken with <em>Ben</em>.”</p><p>Ben crossed his arms, “I mean, Ben <em>isn’t </em>as good as hot neighbor boy now that I think about it.”</p><p>She nodded vigorously in response, “See, even <em>Ben</em> didn’t know he was hot neighbor boy!”</p><p>Rey thought if she for some reason just seized to exist in that moment, she would welcome it entirely. Thanos could come in and snap, causing her to disintegrate and float away into nothing for all she cared.</p><p>Rose was looking at Rey as she still stood there, placing the knife on the counter. She was watching her with hurt, expectant eyes with her hands on her hips, “For how long Rey.”</p><p>She kept her eyes on the floor, unable to look at anyone, “For like, four months I guess.”</p><p>“Four months…Jesus Christ, Rey. I am so mad at you right now I can’t even see straight.” She stated acerbically, pulling out her phone. Rey questioned what she was doing, but then Rose was making a call before she could ask.</p><p>“Hey babe, you’ll never guess what I just fucking walked in on at Rey’s apartment.”</p><p>“No, not that.”</p><p>Rey did not dare even look at Ben. It was all too excruciating. She had no allies in this.</p><p>“She was <em>braising chicken </em>with Ben.”</p><p>“Oh, who’s Ben, huh? He’s only <em>hot neighbor boy</em>.”</p><p>Every time she said the nickname that <em>she </em>had created, Rey died a little inside.</p><p>“Yeah, <em>imagine my surprise.</em>”</p><p>“For four months!”</p><p>“I don’t know, I just don’t know. You need to come over here and bring me some spare clothes because Rey and I need to have a talk and I’m disgusting…Okay, thanks. Love you too.”</p><p>She hung up and took a deep breath.</p><p>“How did this happen?”</p><p>For the first time, she looked to Ben, and he actually was giving her a comforting expression, which was surprising. It made her feel like she could actually formulate words again, “It’s…kind of complicated.”</p><p>“Well I got straight A’s in grad school, so I think I can keep up.”</p><p>Rey sighed, feeling almost a little ridiculous recounting the story because, in reality she wanted to tell Rose about almost every day.</p><p>“I can leave,” Ben said, cutting the tension and unsurprisingly ran a hand through his hair, “it seems like you two have a lot to talk about.”</p><p>Rey closed her eyes, holding her mouth in a closed line, “No, Ben it’s okay. Rose and I can go in my room.”</p><p>She opened her eyes to him and he nodded.</p><p>“Sure, fine,” Rose said making her way to Rey’s bedroom, and then she turned around, “it is nice to meet you Ben. I wish it were under better circumstances.”</p><p>“You too,” Ben said, taking the bottle of red wine off the counter that he was going to braise the chicken with and then searched for the wine opener in its normal drawer, “I’ll...just be out here, making myself useful and finishing dinner.”</p><p>When they made it into her room, she wanted to sink into the floor and die. She closed the door and Rose held a finger up to her, no doubt something reprimanding on her lips, but then turned and walked to the bathroom first.</p><p>Rey sat on the end of her bed, awaiting her fate. Rose eventually came out and stood over her.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>There were tears in her eyes, “I’m sorry Rose.”</p><p>Rose let out a frustrated sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Rey, I am so angry right now, but I don’t think you understand how…<em>hurt </em>I also am.”</p><p>Rey didn’t say anything and looked at the floor.</p><p>Giving a short, dry laugh, Rose continued without a verbal response from Rey, “I mean, you don’t tell me about him in the first place and that you are very much attracted to him, and then you just pull away from Finn and I, and <em>then </em>you straight up lie to me that not only have you made contact with…<em>Ben</em>, but you’re like being all domestic and shit, cooking dinner? And he’s comfortable enough in your kitchen to know where your wine opener is? Why didn’t you just <em>tell</em> me?”</p><p>“I don’t know.” Rey whispered quietly.</p><p>“I think you do, Rey.” Rose said, voice sounding on the edge of anger again.</p><p>“I <em>wanted </em>to tell you,” she defended, looking at her with all of the ineradicable emotions she was feeling, “I wanted to tell you nearly every day, but I just…didn’t know how.”</p><p>At some point in all of her lies that she was spinning, Rey genuinely didn’t how to instigate unpacking all of them. How was she supposed to? How was she supposed to look into the eyes of someone she loved so much and admit the extent to which she was not being truthful to her?</p><p>“How?” Rose said, her voice breaking for the first time, “aren’t I your best friend? I get that you don’t have to tell me every single little thing that goes on in your life, but this—this is…Do you know how much it hurts for you to keep things this major from me?”</p><p>Rey was wiping the tears from her eyes, “No, I guess I wouldn’t.”</p><p>Sitting next to her, finally, Rose had tears in her eyes too, “I tell you everything, Rey. I told you about all of the stupid guys when we were in school, I told you about Finn, and everything ever since. I don’t understand I just…” she sniffled, “don’t.”</p><p>“Rose—”</p><p>“Are we not as close as I thought? Do you not want to be my best friend?”</p><p>She looked to Rose with her eyes full of fresh ears, “How could you say something like that?! Rose, you <em>are </em>my best friend!”</p><p>“Then why doesn’t it feel like I am?” Rose asked forcibly.</p><p>Her gaze turned away from her. Rey had to give her some kind of explanation though, “It-it just started out of nowhere. He showed up at my door, and then all of a sudden we were <em>here</em>, and it is still something that cannot fathom because…I am scared Rose.” She said in a very small voice.</p><p>“Scared of what?”</p><p>“I’m scared of…getting too attached.”</p><p>“To Ben?”</p><p>It was the first time anyone had uttered it aloud, and that was enough to break down in sobs as she threw herself back on her bed, curling into a ball.</p><p>“Oh, Rey,” Rose said, anger seemingly leaving her for the moment, turning Rey over to face her, “it’s not a bad thing. It’s a good thing.”</p><p>“How is this a good thing?”</p><p>“Because…you like him?”</p><p>“Yes, that’s the scary part.”</p><p>Rose sighed and lied down next to her, “Look, I know you hard a time growing up, and I don’t know really how many people were there for you, but you have me now, and Finn and Jess. It’s not a <em>bad </em>thing to lean on someone and to get attached. Do you think he feels the same way that you do?”</p><p>Rey sniffed, “I don’t think so. I think he just likes my company.”</p><p>“Have you ever asked him?”</p><p>“…No.”</p><p>“Then sweetie, how would you know?”</p><p>She wiped her nose with her comforter, very becoming, “Because he has never shown any interest in anything physical whatsoever. He hasn’t made any advances.”</p><p>“Have you made any?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p>“Because he hasn’t made any.”</p><p>“Do you think,” Rose started, taking one of Rey’s hands, “that it’s a slight possibility that he’s just as much of an idiot as you are?”</p><p>Rey sighed, “I don’t know.”</p><p>“I mean the man is braising a fucking chicken for you.”</p><p>Adjusting herself on her back, Rey looked at her ceiling, “That doesn’t mean anything. He just loves cooking. He learned it from his mom.”</p><p>“Have you met her?”</p><p>“No, I’ve just seen her through the window.”</p><p>“Ah.”</p><p>They were silent for a little bit before Rey spoke up again, “He never even mentioned anything about his girlfriend or a breakup, nothing along those lines at all…and <em>then</em>, oh my god Rose I did something so dumb.”</p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>Rey sighed, closing her eyes, “You know the day we went to Starbucks and Finn hurt his foot?”</p><p>Next to her, Rey actually heard Rose snort, “Yeah.”</p><p>Finn had turned out to be fine, just some really severe bruising where he had to limp around for a couple days, but nothing major like he was imagining.</p><p>“Well right after you left, Ben was just there, and asked if I wanted to go to the movies, so then we went to this dog park with his dog to kill time and—”</p><p>Rose sighed, so Rey looked to her, and she shook her head, “I am sorry. I just still can’t believe this. That you are just like, going to the movies and the dog park with this guy. Rey Kenobi, fierce and independent woman, is going around walking a dog with…<em>Ben</em>. It’s like I don’t even know you at all.”</p><p>Rose’s words hit her right in the heart, and it made her sting all over that she had made her best friend feel this way, “No, Rose, please don’t say that. You do. You <em>do </em>know me. You know me better than almost anyone, except for maybe Finn, who knows me just as well.”</p><p>“And Ben?” Rose asked immediately.</p><p>Rey’s eyes couldn’t handle the anguish across Rose’s features, “He does. He knows me,” she admitted as she conjured up the courage to look at her again, “but he doesn’t know me like this. Not like you do.”</p><p>“What, that you’re a person with emotions?”</p><p>“Yes, and he doesn’t need to know that.”</p><p>Rose sighed and rolled her eyes, “You’re hopeless sometimes, Rey. I don’t know how many different ways to tell you, but…anyway, the dog park?”</p><p>Nodding, she sighed too and continued the horrendous story, “There was this girl there who had a dog that R2 really liked—”</p><p>“R2?”</p><p>“That’s Ben’s dog.”</p><p>“What kind of name is R2?”</p><p>Rey smiled, recalling the explanation behind the name, which was a blatant hint at Ben’s nerdiness, “Story for another time…so Ben pointed her out, and I—I can’t believe what I did. She was just so pretty that I got all flustered,” she felt Rose’s eye boring into her as she continued, “and I actually told him to <em>go up to her</em>, and ask her out, <em>ugh</em>.”</p><p>Rose then snorted, and Rey saw her shake her head, “Oh my god, Rey. Come on, seriously? Why would you do that?”</p><p>“I don’t know! The words just kind of poured out of me before I could stop it.”</p><p>“What did Ben say?”</p><p>Rey wiped at her nose again, making sure she got all the leftover snot, “He said he might want to, just not with me there because that would be weird.”</p><p>Rose didn’t say anything for a few beats as if reflecting on Rey’s words, “Hm…You truly <em>are </em>hopeless.”</p><p>Exhaling, she closed her eyes and cursed her own foolishness, “I know.”</p><p>“Hopelessly smitten with your sasquatch of a neighbor, <em>Beeeeen</em>.”</p><p>“Rose!” Rey exclaimed shoving her a bit, “<em>ugh</em>.”</p><p>“There’s no point in denying it anymore, Kenobi.”</p><p>Rey felt her cheeks flush, “I know that too.”</p><p>“I just can’t stop picturing it.” Rose said simply.</p><p>Her eyes found Rose’s in befuddlement, “Picturing what?”</p><p>“Picturing Rey and Ben, sitting in a tree—”</p><p>Rey grabbed the pillow next to her and hit Rose over the face with it, but she endured with her tease anyway, “K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”</p><p>“Stop it Tico! Before I have to kill you for knowing too much.” Rey threatened, raising the pillow to hit her with it again.</p><p>“First they’re loons, then they’re morons, then they’re two boneheads in a doggo park!” Rose shouted, fending off Rey’s attack. After a fit of giggling and more pillow throwing, the two girls calmed down, and Rey found herself even more inwardly fuming for not being able to have Rose in this with her so much earlier. Now that this situation was out, Rey knew she hadn’t confided because she was so terrible at seeking people for help when she needed them the most and being vulnerable. Talking to Rose would have also meant having to confront her reality, and truth be told, she still wasn’t prepared to face all of the ramifications of her unrequited feelings.</p><p>“Rey, I think perhaps you should steer clear of telling your neighbor of going up to other girls if you still insist on braising chicken together.”</p><p>Rey gave a short laugh, “Shut up.”</p><p>They looked at each other, now lying back down on the bed. Rose’s countenance grew comforting, “For real though, about the girlfriend thing, he’s probably just as bad at communicating. He might now know how to bring it up.”</p><p>Rey gave the tiniest of grins, “He’s…a little better than me.”</p><p>“That’s not really saying much. You kind of suck at it.”</p><p>She took in a deep breath, “I know.”</p><p>Rose kept her gaze on her, and Rey turned her whole body to face her. She didn’t look as sad anymore, but her face still seemed poignant, “Will you please tell me how you two ended up here, cooking in your apartment, after all this time?”</p><p>So she did. She told Rose everything. She told her about how they both seemed so depressed together and the start of depending on each other from a distance. The Netflix binging and the late night eye contact that seemed to be more frequent as time went on. Then how that led to the unfortunate cupcake incident, and everything that happened after that. All of the texts they sent and the near constant presence at each other’s apartments. The meals, the movie watching, and them taking R2 out for walks. How he started to show her how to do calligraphy and she gave him advice on his plants, although Barry had a hard time behaving himself. She didn’t tell Rose that part because it was just <em>too </em>ridiculous.</p><p>She also didn’t tell her about how at first it all felt too special to share, to break that spell. That was something for her, and her only.</p><p>After Rey was done talking, Rose amazingly, ended up laughing.</p><p>“What?” Rey asked.</p><p>“Oh my God,” Rose said, sitting up. Rey followed her, “I love you Rey, but you are so stupid.”</p><p>“Why do you say that?”</p><p>“Are you kidding me? One of the first things he said to you was a detailed explanation about knowing how much you love sunlight. Boy’s got it <em>bad</em>.”</p><p>Rey waved her off, “That was months ago Rose. He could feel differently now.”</p><p>“Sure, okay, you keep telling yourself that,” Rose sighed at her, “I bet you two idiots will figure it out. You’ll get there.”</p><p>She seemed so sure, but Rey wasn’t quite as convinced. For a while, she thought he was feeling the same way as her. She always gave thought to that time where she was convinced that he was going to kiss her when they met. But then he didn’t, and he hasn’t tried to since. Rey didn’t want to push anything if he wasn’t comfortable because she couldn’t think about still living across the street from him and losing him.</p><p>Rose and Rey stood up eventually and hugged. Rey said she was sorry again and Rose said she knew. Then Rose told her if she ever kept anything like this from her again, she was going to wire her into the next refrigerator unit she was working on, which Rey fully believed. Before making their way out of her room, Rey made sure she didn’t look like a train wreck that had just been crying her eyes out in her bathroom. When she was satisfied, she and Rose braved the outside together.</p><p>Something she really hadn’t been expecting was seeing Finn sitting at the island—like Rey so often did, having a full on argument with Ben about gaming consoles.</p><p>“Because, I am <em>telling you</em>. Playing online is so much more streamlined.” Finn defended, gesturing with his hands sharply. Not this shit again. How had he met Ben for such a short amount of time and already roped him into this dispute?</p><p>“Yes, but the PS4 has much more flexible memory,” Ben argued, stirring something in a pan, “the way that the system allocates it is much different.”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes and made her way over to Finn and kissed his cheek, “Do you have my clothes?”</p><p>Finn looked at her and smiled, “Yeah yeah babe, over there on the couch, okay, does that really matter when the graphics on the Xbox are like, so much better?”</p><p>Ben groaned, “Typical Xbox person saying that. The graphics on the PS4 have improved so much, and have you seen the specs on the PS5? It’s going to dominate.”</p><p>Rose walked back over to Rey, who was still standing by her room, pretty stunned, “It seems those two have acquainted themselves.” She said as she walked past her into Rey’s room.</p><p>She decided to walk over there and get it over with, approaching Finn and Ben, taking the seat next to Finn on the island.</p><p>Finn looked to her, “Well hello there Peanut. You and Rosie work it out?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Rey said simply, eyes downward, playing with the hem of her shirt. She could not meet Ben’s gaze again. Luckily Finn was being an excellent buffer, probably without truly realizing it.</p><p>“Your boy here is <em>delusional </em>Rey,” Finn said, leaning back, lightly pointing at Ben, “he thinks that the PS4’s controller is better since it has an interface.”</p><p>“I swear Christ Finn, I cannot have this argument with you anymore,” she said, burying her face in her hands, “you know how I feel and I am not going to change my mind!”</p><p>He scoffed, “I am <em>clearly </em>outnumbered here. Freaking PlayStation people.”</p><p>Rey whipped her head to him, “Don’t even get me <em>started</em> on the superiority complex you Xbox people have! You <em>never</em> listen! It doesn’t bloody matter which one you play!”</p><p>Ben started laughing, and Rey was finally able to face him, “Is there something funny, Benjamin?”</p><p>“No, no, this is just fascinating. Apparently, it’s <em>not</em> just me you’re combative with.” He said, crossing his arms.</p><p>“Oh my god, you don’t even <em>know</em>! She’ll yell at you for not having enough of an opinion on a YouTube video she shows you!” Finn cried, and then Rey punched him.</p><p>“Ow!”</p><p>“She does that to me too!” Ben agreed, adding fuel to Rey’s fire, “Like this one time I told her that there weren’t any new episodes of <em>Brooklyn 99 </em>left this season and she punched me.”</p><p>“It’s an occupational hazard of being in Rey’s life my man.” Finn said, having stopped rubbing his shoulder and leaned on the counter with his elbow.</p><p>“Will you two <em>bloody</em>—”</p><p>“Oh calm down Rey. We’re just poking fun!” Finn stated, leaning his head to her, “you know I love you still, you feisty little sunflower.”</p><p>Rey sighed, “I hate you.”</p><p>Ben’s timer on his phone went off, and he was still chuckling when he took the the chicken out of the oven, not even aware of Rey’s ferocious eyes that were on him. Why was this man just so <em>constantly </em>irritating?</p><p>Rose walked over to them having come out of Rey’s room changed, “Well, it seems that Finn and I are staying for dinner.”</p><p>Rey looked to her, “Says who?”</p><p>“Says me, that chicken smells amazing!”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, mmm, hun?” Finn asked in between bites.</p><p>“Yes?” Rose responded.</p><p>“You’re going to have to be okay with me proposing to Ben because this,” he turned to him, “is incredible.”</p><p>Ben chuckled, “Oh, no. I can’t be a homewrecker, I’m sorry.”</p><p>They had begun dinner with Ben setting the table while Rey helped dish up all of the plates, Rose and Finn assisting with bringing over all of the side dishes. Rey tried to ignore how strange this all felt, that her two best friends and Ben Freaking Solo were all here, under the same roof with her. Ben, who had just cooked this astounding looking meal, her, and Rose and Finn. Right. This was all totally normal.</p><p>She briefly pondered if Betty would look up at them and smile, thinking that her neighbors were just having company over, a double date even. If only Betty knew this was the strangest, most inauspicious way she had gathered with all the people she cared for deeply that wasn’t just in her imagination.</p><p>“Oh my God, seriously Rey, how did you hide this guy for four months? You’ve been spoiled!” Finn exclaimed, taking another massive bite, “And this wine pairing, oh!” He gushed, sipping at his wine, “magnifique!”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes at Finn, but then smiled, also taking a bite.</p><p>“You should have seen him the first night he came over,” Rey began engorging over her own plate, “he just forced himself into my kitchen without permission and started judging the food in my fridge.”</p><p>“It’s not my fault you chose to stalk yourself with such questionable sustenance.” Ben chided while cutting up his chicken.</p><p>Rose laughed for a moment before speaking, “Oh no no no, <em>you</em> should have seen this girl in grad school Ben, you would have <em>died</em>. You think her takeout leftovers and pickle jars are bad? I saw this girl eat ramen every day for a month before she defended her thesis.”</p><p>“Excuse me miss I’m on an <em>extended</em> juice cleanse,” Rey struggled with a bite a food in her mouth, then swallowed, “it’s not like you had the best eating habits either!”</p><p>Rose just glared at her, and then Finn interjected, “Have you seen her snack cupboard? I don’t think she’s kicked her ramen addiction.”</p><p>Ben nodded, picking up his wine glass, “Yes, I’ve seen it,” he said, eyes moving to Rey, “and I’ve made some…comments.”</p><p>Rey’s mouth hung open, “You started <em>throwing </em>everything out onto the floor over your shoulder and yell explained exactly why I shouldn’t be eating it!” Rey swore that night she was going to have nightmares about Ben yelling ‘high fructose corn syrup!’ at her.</p><p>Ben stared back, offended, “I let you keep some of it! I’m not a <em>total</em> monster!”</p><p>Rey certainly had a response, but Rose spoke up, “Yeah, I bet he let you keep all of the cupcakes.”</p><p>Both Rey and Ben stopped their bickering and the table were silent for a few moments before they all erupted with laughter. Rey thought Ben must have told Finn about what happened as he was also joining in on the merriment. They all seemed to be in stitches together, and it really made Rey forget about the mood she was in before and how guilty she still felt for upsetting Rose so much. After it died down, they all had a perfectly amicable conversation, which did involve a lot of questions for Ben. Rose and Finn were pretty much trying to ask everything about him, and Rey did notice he kept it a lot of the details fairly vague, probably not wanting to reveal that he was basically coming from LA royalty. Rey suspected it had to do with his insecurities over his linage and the fear that people would make assumptions or judge him for it. She wasn’t all too convinced that even she knew the full story.</p><p>Finn was just finishing up an enormously humiliating tale about how she had thrown up in the hallway of her dorm when they were extremely intoxicated after they had convinced this senior to buy them a bottle of vodka. Rey had made up a story on the spot about how her neighbor had broken the rules about bringing a dog into the place, blaming the whole thing on the imaginary canine when their RA had found them.</p><p>“She was all like, <em>no </em>swear, this there was this great big dog in here, I <em>saw </em>it. It had spots, <em>you</em> should see it,” Finn impersonated, really laying on the drunken voice, “it was so freaking hilarious, I was literally on the floor laughing my entire ass off, and Rey had to practically roll me into her room after that.”</p><p>Ben was laughing too, placing a hand on his face and closed his eyes, “I would have paid an exorbitant amount of money to see that. And he <em>believed </em>her?”</p><p>Finn nodded vigorously, “He <em>did</em>! Though, truth be told, I think he was a little sweet on her, so maybe he just was trying to get on her good side.”</p><p>“Oh, hush!” Rey shouted, “He was <em>not</em>! Keith was just a nice boy.”</p><p>“Okay, sure Rey. Imagine, he is just this socially awkward boy that has just walked into the hallway to find two tremendously drunk people and vomit on the floor, and one of them is trying to convince him that it <em>wasn’t </em>her.” Finn defended.</p><p>Rose had her glass of wine in her hand, “I’ve always thought that whenever I’ve heard that story.”</p><p>“Yeah, I think I am going to have to agree with everyone else here,” Ben added in, “just post adolescent boys aren’t exactly suave.”</p><p>“Oh, whatever, <em>fine</em>. If got me out of trouble, so be it!” Rey concluded.</p><p>Rose was completely guffawing after finishing up her wine, “Oh my god, do you remember that time in Vegas for my birthday, and we were all getting late night munchies in the Excalibur—”</p><p>“Ha!” Finn’s hoot was so loud that he interrupted the beginning of Rose’s reminiscence, and held his hand over his mouth to compose himself, “<em>Ben</em>, <em>this</em> girl, right here,” he said, pointing at Rey, “fell down an <em>entire</em> flight of stairs, and when she reached the bottom, she just got up immediately and shouted ‘Woo!’ with her arms raised in the air. It was the most incredible thing to watch.”</p><p>Rey was actually pretty proud of that one, and joined in on the laughter with the rest of them. Rose was just about losing it.</p><p>“I wanted to help her, but she just kept falling, and falling, and we watched her from the top, not knowing what to do, but then there’s our champ at the bottom while everyone was rushing around her to see if she was alright, wooing!” Rose managed to get out in between her snickering.</p><p>As Ben calmed down himself after he was finished with his own hysterics, he looked to her, “Wow, Rey. I am truly sorry I was not there to witness any of this.”</p><p>“You should be, I was quite the form of entertainment apparently.” Rey said, rolling her eyes while she sipped at her wine, but there was a hint of a smile.</p><p>“Hey, don’t act like you can’t make an ass of yourself, you’ve still got time!” Finn pointed out and Rey just glared at him.</p><p>At the end of the meal when Rose and Finn had ostensibly completed embarrassing her for the evening, Finn was disappointed there were no leftovers, “Okay, so if you aren’t down for a proposal, Rose and I were in the market for adopting huge white men who can cook like angels. Let me know if you know anyone who fits that description.”</p><p>Ben grinned as he started picking up the table, “I’ll keep my eyes open on that one.”</p><p>Finn and Rose aided in collecting their dishes and lingered a bit before making their way back to their apartment. Not before Rose whispered, “He’s <em>perfect </em>for you,” in Rey’s ear while they hugged goodbye, to which Rey stiffened up immediately and blushed, Rose winking at her as she pulled away.</p><p>After they left, Rey and Ben went to their normal clean up routine, him handing her the dishes as she put them in the washer. It all felt so—Rose was completely right, domestic. Like this was a normal thing for them to have Finn and Rose over, laughing over food and wine, not a care in the world for that magical, unassuming period of time.</p><p>Despite how much wanted to deny what was so apparent that it was practically beating her over the head was that it <em>wasn’t </em>real. This all happened by accident and definitely wasn’t planned in the original itinerary for the evening, which probably would have involved just the two of them at the table while they had a discussion that would most likely help only further their knowledge of one another, both thrilling and terrifying Rey while they laughed. Then the evening probably would have ended with Ben trying to teach Rey how to play chess again, ‘The foster homes I usually lived in weren’t exactly stocked with the most stimulating of activities, Benjamin,’ or Rey attempting to show Ben how whatever she was currently tinkering with worked. She would usually get insecure and stop, afraid Ben was not understanding anything she attempting to describe, but he had incessantly assured her that he liked hearing the way she explained things.</p><p>Those events were still possible, Rey supposed, but she wasn’t sure how Ben was feeling after all of the hullabaloo of the evening, which was a silly word to designate to everything that had transpired. It was nothing short of a mess.</p><p>“You look pensive.” Ben said, interrupting her thoughts completely, so, he was exactly right.</p><p>Rey attempted to conceal her rigorous thoughts in a casual manner, “I’m so sorry about all of that. I obviously had no idea that was going to happen.”</p><p>She explained Rose’s great distaste for public restrooms. Ben nodded at her.</p><p>“I like seeing you with your friends. It’s like I got to see this different side of you.”</p><p>Rey smiled at him, knowing it was not the side of her that she kept hidden from everyone, that unexposed cornucopia of emotions that whispered to Rey constantly about her inadequacies and loneliness, but him watching her interact with other people was something at least.</p><p>“Though I still don’t really understand why you kept our meeting from them.”</p><p>And there it was, the conversation that she didn’t want to be having with the last person on Earth she wanted to be having it with.</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know, it just never really came up.” She lied, trying to sound as convincingly nonchalant as possible.</p><p>Ben was scrubbing the stuck on sauce pan, “I see…just like how ‘hot neighbor boy’ never came up?”</p><p>Rey had to pause and concentrate on the dish she was loading. She strained not to look at Ben with what she was sure a horrified face, but alas her neck betrayed her and she did anyway. Why didn’t she see that one coming? Surely a nickname like that would merit some answers.</p><p>“Ben,” Rey started, fighting so hard for the right words and be best way to attack this. She watched him stand still with a pained expression, and it was making her heart fall to the floor, “that was, just a joke. It was before I even knew you and things were a lot shallower, as you can imagine…things are different now…It isn’t like that.”</p><p>Things were most <em>irrefutably </em>like that and more in her restless mind, but she had to keep a level appearance in order to even attempt to be conclusive in her explanation. He sighed and she was pretty convinced that it was that of relief.</p><p>“It’s okay Rey. I get it. Thanks for clarifying.” Ben stated, resuming his cleaning.</p><p>After his response that did not give away any emotion, Rey was absolutely terrified that their dynamic had changed. Her fantasy of the evening of pretending this was just their normal, domestic lives came crashing down all around her. He didn’t throw a fit, he wasn’t outraged, he wasn’t even more curious about what the nickname even meant or a further explanation. He just seemed, fine. So, even though it pained Rey so much to now pretend that she wasn’t just completely devastated, she, too, had to act like everything was fine.</p><p>When she was in survival mode like this, she had well learned long ago how to hold back the emotions, the tears. She had incontestably survived worse than this. Ben still stayed for a bit longer after they had finished cleaning up, watching the couple of episodes of <em>Superstore </em>they needed to catch up on, laughing at all of the right parts. Eventually Ben informed her that he had to be leaving since he had an early morning. Rey didn’t question it as she was no longer wanting to keep up this charade, at least for the evening, as she was reasonably exhausted all things considered, physically and emotionally. When he embraced her like he normally did, his steady hands on her back made her want to sob all over again, and when he left, she let herself sink to the floor, her back sliding against the door for a limited instant, silently crying. Then, she had to pick herself back up again before he walked through his apartment door, so he wouldn’t see her breakdown.</p><p>She almost, <em>almost </em>wished that she could close her blinds on him, only for tonight. She needed the reprieve, but she did not like what sort of implication it would send him, and she didn’t want to confuse or upset him, so she opted for waving at him with the best plastered on smile she could muster before she collapsed on to her bed, sobbing face down into her comforter.</p><p>It was all so excruciating to think of all the blithesome parts of the evening when now all she felt was how accurate she was in her interminable ruminations.</p><p>She was alone again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*Me, sitting there watching all of this unfold, sipping tea on the porch* mmm, yes, I saw this one coming.</p><p>And Rose and Finn finally have found out Rey's dirty little hot neighbor boy secret! I hope it was everything you wanted it to be! That Rey. Doesn't know how to ACT. *sigh*</p><p>If you guys wanted to also know, the musical influence for the beginning and end of this chapter was "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHlkg-FYAZQ">The Way it Was</a>" by Gustavo Santaolalla. I listened to that many times to get into the mindset Rey was feeling.</p><p>So, y'all know I love to update weekly. I am really going to try my damnedest to post by next Sunday, but there are a couple elements in the story that I have been thinking about and possibly want to add to (you know me I cannot HELP but always add more), so idk there might be a little bit longer of a wait after this one. I'm sorry! </p><p>I already linked my tumblr in the beginning note, so yeah, go up there and look at it.</p><p>Loveeeeeee you guys always and thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Guess who's back...back again...Katie's back, tell a friend! Woo! Yaaas, go and enjoy this chapter please!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m telling you Ben, it is a different mood for when you want Taco Bell verses Del Taco.” Rey claimed, stuffing a shawarma in her face. They currently were walking around The Grove aimlessly after they had seen a movie. Mediterranean had sounded good, but Rey said she was feeling too restless to sit after doing so for so long because of the movie, so they opted to take it out. Rey liked the way the outdoor shopping center looked at night anyway with all of the lights.</p><p>“Isn’t all the just the same disgusting Mexican fast food?” Ben asked, trying to keep his shawarma together.</p><p>“Um, no! Totally different vibes. I mean, come on, what did you eat in law school?”</p><p>He chuckled, having to cover his mouth after he took a bite, “Real food.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, “Whatever.”</p><p>Ben didn’t speak for a bit while they ate, so Rey decided to sit on a bench after all that was facing a water fountain to have a better angle to eat her feast. He joined her, seemingly doing the same thing.</p><p>“I didn’t really grow up eating these foods Rey. My parents were gone a lot, especially when my mom was in office, so I was mostly just fed what I was given by the cook we had.”</p><p>It wasn’t like he was trying to flex or brag or anything. He almost sounded upset. Rey looked to him as he stared straight ahead. Sometimes Rey really did forget how differently the grew up, but so many of the same emotions. She understood the loneliness, but obviously not the personal chef.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I forgot.”</p><p>He turned his head to her with a small grin, “You don’t need to apologize, Rey. My mom obviously cooked for me when she was home, so she wasn’t calling in for the dollar menu.”</p><p>Rey nodded at him, and they ate a few more bites in silence. When she was out like this, sometimes she liked to people watch. There were plenty of people walking around them, some couples holding hands, families with kids—one child was walking far too ahead of her parents and they had to call after her while they pushed a stroller. Rey wondered what people would think when they saw her and Ben. There’s just a nondescript couple enjoying shawarma together on a Friday night. How nice.</p><p>She only wished that were the case. She was still in denial about what had happened the night Rose and Finn came over and tried her best to ignore everything pertaining to the subject. Up until she had seen him again, she was so terrified that things were going to be awkward between them. When he had texted her that next day, she sucked in a breath, responding, and then things felt like they were back to normal. He clearly just wanted to move on from it, and she was fine with that too.</p><p>“I practically lived off the dollar menu growing up. There was this one house I was staying at while I was in middle school for a little while, and there was a McDonalds down the street. I went there whenever I had money after school because our dinners weren’t always…existent,” Rey said while she stared down at her food, happy to be having it, so she took another bite, “I went there so often that the cashiers would let me stay and do my homework there.”</p><p>Ben was giving her a sympathetic expression when she met his eyes, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You don’t have to apologize either. You shared, so I shared, that’s all.” Rey said, then finishing her food.</p><p>He nodded and stared outwards again and then gave a small chuckle, “I remember I would always want to try to eat fast food. I would ask my mom if I could try it whenever we would drive by it, and she would always tell me that it was not healthy for growing boys.”</p><p>Rey laughed and looked him up and down, “Well, I see your mother was right, and the healthy food worked.”</p><p>He shook his head and finished his food while she did as well. They sat there for a little while longer and then began to make their way back to Ben’s car.</p><p>“Were all the homes you lived at like that?” He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.</p><p>Rey thought for a moment before speaking, “No, some were better than others. Sometimes I would just run away and try to give being homeless a try when the place I was at was really bad, but I would always get turned in eventually. But not all foster homes were the terrible abusive places that everyone thinks it is. Some homes meant well, but couldn’t always provide,” Rey explained and then smiled recalling a memory, “ugh, I remember this one place, the foster mom tried to feed me cow tongue and just said it was ‘soft meat.’ And I don’t think she cooked it properly because it just looked like someone just chopped it off and threw it on the plate, so even <em>I </em>didn’t want to eat it…but I did stay with a couple of really nice families.”</p><p>Rey thought of Kaydel and her family. She didn’t like thinking about most of the time because it made her sad to remember how kind they were to her.</p><p>“Why didn’t you just stay with them?” Ben asked.</p><p>She thought of the real reason, but she didn’t want to say. It was something she never spoke about with anyone, “You spend so long running that it makes you convince yourself that you can’t stay. Even when there aren’t abundant placements. It was kind of hard to function in a decent home when you had no reference to what a family was supposed to be like.”</p><p>Kaydel’s mom had to try really hard with Rey’s difficult nature, forever resistant to rules, consequences, and…affection. And even after she broke through to Rey’s young, already defective heart, Rey still ended up leaving them.</p><p>Ben carried on seemingly unaware of how long his strides were, gazing down at the ground while they walked, “I wish I had known you back then.”</p><p>Rey looked to him and grinned slightly at his comment, “I wish you had too. Though I don’t think your prissy boarding school disposition would have cut it in Reseda or Van Nuys.”</p><p>He smiled downwards still, kicking at the cement, “I think you probably would have wanted to kick my goofy ass for even trying to talk to you.”</p><p>“Hey, that’s not fair!” Rey exclaimed while she giggled, “maybe only a little.”</p><p>Ben finally looked up ahead of where they were going, “You definitely wouldn’t have been alone in that. Like I’ve told you, I got bullied a lot, being called ear boy or Dumbo,” he paused when Rey snickered. Whipping his head, his eyes narrowed at her, “What?”</p><p>She felt immediately guilty because her amusement was not over what he thought it was, “No, it’s just that ‘ear boy’ is like so juvenile and unoriginal. If you’re going to insult someone at least be a little more creative.”</p><p>Relief washed over his features, “I suppose, but they <em>were </em>teenagers. It’s not like they were trying to be like Hemingway over here.”</p><p>“True.”</p><p>He lifted a hand from one of his pockets and rake it thought his hair, “Anyway, it was kind of disconcerting to have these <em>things</em> on the side of my head when the rest of me hadn’t grown into it yet, though truth be told I’m still waiting for that day…And I was much too tall and gangly. All the parts of my body were just too big and it just made me look awkward. It definitely did not help me blend in.”</p><p>Rey did not have an easy time imaging Ben looking anything but completely endearing from that description. And then a little pang of arousal when she thought of <em>all </em>the parts of his body largeness could pertain to. <em>God</em>, what was she twelve? And he had most <em>certainly </em>filled in anyway. Filled in just so, so well—</p><p>“Let me just specify that I would have kicked your butt because <em>I </em>was a little shit.”</p><p>“You’re just saying that because you’ve never seen what I looked like.”</p><p>It was true, even on Ben’s social media he never had any photos of when he was younger, but then again, neither did she. However, despite his abhorrence over them, Rey absolutely <em>adored </em>his ears. She recalled the first time she had seen one after he had absentmindedly tucked some of his hair behind it when he was concentrating on a recipe. They were entirely too precious, and she wished she could see them more often.</p><p>“I was always too skinny. The other girls at whatever school I was at would ask me if I ever ate or would call me anorexic. I would have to wear baggy clothes all the time just so people would stop commenting on it.”</p><p>He laughed at her explanation, and was confused until he elaborated, “See and I could have stood behind you so all of the attention would be on me instead.”</p><p>“I think you underestimate the brutal veraciousness of teenage girls. They would have just made fun of us both.”</p><p>They were approaching his car now, so he pulled his keys out, “Well, at least we could have faced them together.”</p><p>“What, ear boy and the anorexic girl? What a pair.”</p><p>He smiled as they got into the car and he turned the ignition, “We certainly would have been.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“And how long have you been living in Los Angeles, Rey?” Ben asked her.</p><p>She huffed as her legs were killing her. Why did she agree to this with Ben, who she assumed was just made out of muscles? The damn stupid ripped moron.</p><p>“Since I was a kid.”</p><p>He chuckled, “And you’ve never hiked up to the Hollywood sign?”</p><p>With great effort, she exhaled, “I feel like we’ve had this conversation already. It’s why we’re even here in the first place, isn’t it?”</p><p>This was in fact, true when her and Ben were talking one day about where to go hiking in LA, and when he mentioned Griffith Park, and Rey said that she had been around to a few of the trails there, but had never gone up to the Hollywood sign, to which Ben scoffed at her, telling her that she was a bad Los Angelian.</p><p>“Yeah Rey I really don’t know how that is even possible, really.” Finn teased.</p><p>“You shut it Hadari, before I shut that mouth for you!”</p><p>“I love when she says such sweet things like that, don’t you guys?”</p><p>Ben laughed out loud, “It’s definitely one of her more charming attributes.”</p><p>“That’s our girl!” Rose shouted from the back.</p><p>Rey had the misfortune of mentioning to Rose that she was planning on hiking with Ben to the sign, and Rose literally invited herself and Finn to come along.</p><p>“What, you’re hiking with hot neighbor boy? Okay, well I’m coming.” Rose said to her over a video call while Rey was walking up to her apartment.</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, “Would you stop calling him that? You know his name now!”</p><p>“Yes, but Ben is so basic, isn’t it? Hot neighbor boy just has so much more finesse.” Rose insisted, and Rey was more than thankful that she was not around Ben at the moment.</p><p>At this point she still wasn’t addressing in her mind about how she had responded to Ben when he brought up the nick name. It was so shameful to contemplate on, but she had known that she had made the right decision. It was best for him to be unaware of her feelings.</p><p>Rey was now opening her door and frowned into her phone, “Rose, it’s…it’s just that—”</p><p>“Oh, sorry hold on, I think Finn just got home,” Rose interrupted her deleterious musings and took a few steps from the kitchen, “honey?”</p><p>“Yeah?” Rey heard Finn answer.</p><p>“Rey is going hiking with hot neighbor boy.” Rose said.</p><p>Finn came into view and kissed Rose before responding, “Oh, well we’re going, right?”</p><p>“That’s <em>exactly </em>what I was thinking.” Rose said to him.</p><p>Rey collapsed on her bed and groaned, “<em>Fine</em>,” she lamented, turning over on to her stomach, holding the phone in front of her face, “but you guys can only come if you never call Ben hot neighbor boy in front of him again.”</p><p>Rose looked to Finn and then they looked to her, “Fair enough.” Rose agreed.</p><p>So here the four of them were, and Rey was out of breath constantly as she looked up only to be continually faced with Ben’s perfectly sculpted ass, which was not helping her at <em>all</em>. Well, not in ways that was improving her hiking. Finn and Rose were behind her.</p><p>“Ugh, why did I invite any of you?” Rey asked with a stressed tone. Having to veer her eyes away from Ben’s backside if she wanted to be able to concentrate on going up this hill. She didn’t need to be hyperventilating for more than one reason.</p><p>“What, so you would be hiking by yourself then?” Ben asked her over his shoulder.</p><p>“You say that like that is something I wouldn’t enjoy.”</p><p>Ben just looked back at her and smiled.</p><p>They hadn’t chosen a very difficult trail, but Rey still felt like she was dying. And how could she not be? Not to be dramatic, but she had to accomplish multitasking with focusing on where she was going and <em>not </em>gazing into Ben’s sweaty back. Sweet Lord, his back. How his muscles clung to the fabric in all the right places, and really, he should just take that godforsaken shirt off! Wouldn’t want him to overheat now, would we?</p><p>This was exactly the problem. She needed to <em>stop </em>sexualizing Ben like this, especially if she was going to attempt their mutually recognized plutonic relationship. But he had no business going around being <em>so </em>good-looking. It got so bad after he dropped his bottle of water and had to pick it up off the ground that she almost opted herself into bringing up the rear instead of Rose.</p><p>Concurrently, what she decided to do instead of wondering how many glorious moles were all over his back and derriere, and how she would kiss every single one, she opted to complain instead, “Ugh, how much longerrrrr? Why do people do this for <em>fun</em>?”</p><p>They were walking on flatter ground now, so thank goodness Ben’s goods weren’t all up in her face at the moment. In fact, he started to walk backwards, seemingly not caring about other people walking in the opposite direction and chuckled, “Who said anything about fun? This trail was specifically designed to torture one Reymond Kenobi.”</p><p>Despite her fatigue, she laughed at the new nick name he had started calling her occasionally, especially when she would hit him with a ‘<em>Benjamin</em>,’ he would look back and respond right back with ‘<em>Reymond</em>.’</p><p>“I thought that was just <em>your</em> job.” She shot back.</p><p>He smiled, “Why do you think I suggested we come here?”</p><p>She was drinking from her own water bottle and almost snorted it everywhere, “Oh, what a <em>fool</em> I’ve been.” She said, wiping off her mouth, coughing a little.</p><p>Ben smirked one more time before turning back around.</p><p>“Well thank goodness someone else has taken on that responsibility. I was getting tired carrying that load all by myself!” Finn shouted from behind her.</p><p>“Gladly will in part take that off your hands!” Ben shouted back.</p><p>This man really <em>did </em>seem to enjoy torturing her. In many, many ways. Ways he probably was not even aware of. Like how his hair started to curl more at the nape of his neck when he was exerting himself, or how the perspiration seemed to collect down the crease of his pectoral muscles.</p><p>Since when was it fair to have such a fucking attractive close friend and neighbor. Rey guessed she would never know.</p><p>Rey looked back at Finn and Rose with labored eyes. All they did was smile back, and Rose had the audacity to make lewd gestures with her hands instead of doing anything supportive. She just rolled her eyes and faced forward once more. Stupid unhelpful friends behind her. Stupid fuckable redwood friends ahead of her.</p><p>As they went on, she was trying to find a good pace that wasn’t leaving her breathless, and that really did just have to do with the vigor of the hike. Was anyone else just as exhausted, or was that just her? She chanced a peek up at Ben and saw that he pulled his phone out of his pocket, seemingly unaffected by the demanding parts of the trail.</p><p>She turned to check on Finn and Rose since they were more like actual humans, right?</p><p>“How are you guys holding up?” She asked.</p><p>Finn nodded, holding up a hand, and then put it back down again. Rose smiled and shook her head, taking in a couple breaths, “Great, you know. I could do this <em>all </em>day.”</p><p>Rey snorted and kept walking, feeling a little better that she wasn’t the only one. Ben was just probably Big Foot in a previous life, so he was used to this sort of thing. Once they started going up Mt. Lee, which is where the sign is located, the trail got a lot steeper and unkempt, which was odd to Rey because she would have thought it would have been a little more accessible considering its popularity. There was one particularly abrupt drop that Ben of course easily scaled with his long legs, but he immediately turned around and offered Rey his hand on her way down. She took it without even thinking as she didn’t even want to chance falling on her ass. He smiled at her showing off those stupid dimples as he led her down, and he squeezed it before he let go. Rey decided to avoid thinking about how large it was and how hers felt while holding it. When she made it to solid ground again, she turned and saw Finn attempting the drop as well.</p><p>“Need a hand too?” Ben asked, offering it to Finn as well.</p><p>Finn smiled and shrugged, grasping at it on his way down, “What a gentleman.”</p><p>He helped Rose down, who probably needed it the most as she was the shortest, and she also thanked him for his generosity. Momentarily holding onto his dinner plate hands probably hadn’t had the same effect on the other two as it did her, she was sure, and somehow, Rey thought Rose was aware of her flustery because she sauntered by Rey with a knowing smile, so Rey stuck her tongue out at her.</p><p>It was uphill for the rest of the way, Ben warned, and it just kept going and going interminably. Now Rey wasn’t so sure that seeing this dumb sign she’s seen like a million times was really worth it up close.</p><p>Just when Rey really thought she couldn’t go anymore, her legs were giving out, she was all out of water, and she was pretty sure that multiple mosquitoes had bitten her legs at this point, Ben spoke up, “We’re almost there!”</p><p>“Oh thank <em>god</em>.” Rey said, and she heard similar grunts behind her in response to Ben’s declaration. Ben led them to a road that he said went right up to behind the sign, so Rey was able to push herself a little further finally excited to see what was up ahead. Rey had always known that there was a fence around it, but as she approached it, it still felt surreal to her to grasp onto the chain link gazing at the back of the sign and sighed.</p><p>“Pretty cool, right?” Ben asked next to her. She looked up to him with slightly narrowed eyes.</p><p>“I guess.” She professed, but she knew her mouth was still upturned. Finn and Rose joined her on her right, making similar movements up to the fence.</p><p>“Well, this isn’t the best view.” Ben told her.</p><p>She furrowed her eyebrows at him, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Ben nodded his head in the direction towards the little hill that was on the other side of the other road behind them.</p><p>As they made their way up the hill, Rey was finally met with the breathtaking sight that Ben was talking about with DOOWYLLOH under them. The sun was starting to set in just the right fashion to offset the LA skyline, equipoising it with pinks and yellows. It really was something to behold.</p><p>“Wow.” Rey said simply.</p><p>Ben was smirking down at her again, “Worth all the trouble?”</p><p>She kept her gaze out onto the horizon, “Yeah.”</p><p>“It really is beautiful.” Rose said on her other side with Finn agreeing with her.</p><p>Rey was quite pleased with herself for having made it all this way, but she was certainly parched, and went to grab her water bottle out of her backpack, only to remember that it was empty.</p><p>“Dammit.” She cursed.</p><p>Ben looked to her, “What?”</p><p>“I forgot that I was out of water.”</p><p>He immediately handed her his, “Here.”</p><p>Her eyes met his as she slowly took it from him, “Are you sure?”</p><p>Ben just shrugged at her with a small grin and looked back out to the view. Rey looked at the bottle in her hands, one of those fancy insulated ones that still had ice clanking around in there. Of course. Her thirst overtook her when she heard the water sloshing, so her mouth drank from the nozzle greedily for several seconds. After she was finished, she popped it closed and handed it back to Ben. Before he took it back, he smiled at her again.</p><p>“Would you mind carrying that back in your backpack?”</p><p>She truly didn’t, but that didn’t stop her from <em>making </em>it into a big deal, “What am I, your donkey?”</p><p>He chuckled, “Yes?”</p><p>Scoffing, she shook her head, “Perhaps you should have thought of this before you didn’t bring a backpack of your own.”</p><p>“Why would I need to do that when you brought one?”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes and stuffed the fancy bottle into her backpack. She heard him still cackling, “Just doing my part time job over here to relieve Finn.”</p><p>Rose and Finn had walked over a few steps to take some selfies together, but he looked over at them and smiled, pointing at Ben, “Thanks man! Appreciate it!”</p><p>“Well you’re a little too good at it.” Rey laughed while shaking her head at their exchange.</p><p>He shrugged his massive shoulders once more, “What can I say? Being annoying comes natural to me.”</p><p>Rey gave a short snicker, “I’ll say.”</p><p>They stared out into the vast city in front of them for a little while longer. Rey sighed and tried not to think of the impending hike back.</p><p>Ben took out his phone and looked like he was probably answering a text or something. Rey nudged him, “Want me to carry that too?”</p><p>His eyes went to her and he shook his head before he went back to his typing, “I’ll let you know.”</p><p>When he was finished, he turned to her, “You want me to take some pictures for you?”</p><p>She was genuinely taken aback by that statement, and stammered her way through her words, “Uh—sure, sure. Yeah, why not?”</p><p>He backed up and held up his phone, and suddenly Rey realized that this was extremely strange to be under his gaze, and she could never just act like a normal human person around him. He put his phone down and laughed, “So you want to look constipated in all your pictures, or what?”</p><p>Wholly embarrassed, Rey tried her best not to show it and put her hands on her hips, “It’s a <em>look </em>okay?”</p><p>Being able to make that joke with him did calm her down, so she eased into it more, and really went for the constipated look, which made him laugh. Then she did some more decent poses and turned to look over her shoulder and flipped her hair. It made Ben laugh more, “<em>There’s </em>that diva waiting to get out.”</p><p>“<em>Excuse me</em>, you’re the diva!” She claimed upturning her chin and pouting. He shook his head and took a few more before he walked over and let her scan through the lot.</p><p>“There’s a few decent ones in here I guess,” she conjectured, immediately sending them to herself, “who knew that constipation was going to be the next big trend?”</p><p>Ben gave a real, hearty laugh at her joke, “I mean I saw that one coming from like a mile away.”</p><p>Rey snickered, “So you would still talk to me if this was going to be my new thing?”</p><p>“I think I would <em>only</em> talk to you if you looked continually constipated.”</p><p>Rey looked up into his eyes and was laughing like an idiot, seeing that his shoulders were still shaking with merriment too.</p><p>“Okay, my turn.” She said, backing up like he did, unlocking his phone once more. Her eyes were met with R2 on his lockscreen, and she typed in his passcode, which was R2’s birthday.</p><p>Ben went to the edge of the hill and stood out facing the sign, and Rey just took a few like that before he put his hands on his hips and whipped his head around to her dramatically, causing his hair to flutter around his head much too appealingly.</p><p><em>What a fucking dork</em>.</p><p>“Wow, who knew Ben Solo was such a model.”</p><p>Well <em>she</em> definitely could have thought so. He turned, smirking at the ground, “Would you talk to me still if I could only stare back at you like that?”</p><p>“That is what I am going to fully expect from you from now on,” she said, “though you’re really dating yourself with the dramatic chipmunk reference there.”</p><p>He laughed while Rey walked over to him, “Says the girl who recognized it.”</p><p>She nodded, “Touché.”</p><p>Ben bore a faux disbelieving expression, “And what…you’re telling me there were <em>other</em> memes after that? Just when I thought I had a handle on internet culture.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “I feel like you’re going to start Rickrolling me or something now.”</p><p>Ben lifted his finger to his chin, “Well, we <em>are </em>no strangers to love—”</p><p>“I swear to god, <em>Ben</em>!”</p><p>He held up his arms as if in defeat, “Rey, come on. You know the rules and so do I.”</p><p>She handed him his phone back with a glare, trying her hardest not to smile at his ridiculous commencement of literally a ten year old internet craze.</p><p>He took his phone without saying anything, and Rey raised her eyebrows at him because at this point she knew him better than that.</p><p>Ben was on his phone, however, and kept busy with whatever was on his screen for several moments, “I would be remiss if I didn’t inform you that I do not plan on giving you up in the foreseeable future.” He said without even looking up at her, but there was a dumb grin that was threatening to erupt on his face.</p><p>Rey raised her hands in the air, “<em>There </em>it is!”</p><p>She truly just wanted to roll her eyes at him, but she just started laughing instead. While still in her riant state, Rey bent down to pick her backpack off the ground. As she was putting it on, she spun around to see how Finn and Rose were doing, but in true Rey fashion, she lost her footing on the edge of the hill and felt herself toppling over. Just before she could make an ass of herself, however, Ben caught her arm and pulled her back up. He didn’t release her right away and smirked down at her, “What happens in Vegas, right?”</p><p>His face felt much too close to hers, but his tease made her balk at him all the same and glare up into his eyes in order to not do something she would have regretted. Then he finally stopped his bemusement at her and let go of her arm.</p><p>She wiped at herself, even though there wasn’t really anything that merited the action, “I would want to thank you if you weren’t such an ass about it.”</p><p>Ben smiled at her anyway, “You’re welcome.”</p><p>Before she could say anything else to him that was going to involve some more sass, she heard Finn’s laughter as Rose and him approached them again, “Holy shit Rey, were you just going to eat shit <em>again</em>?”</p><p>Rey sighed deeply, “Would you just—”</p><p>“Goddamn, why wasn’t Ben there coming in clutch in Vegas?!” Finn asked, still busting up.</p><p>“<em>Excuse </em>me, who’s to say that I wouldn’t have taken it like a champ again?” She defended herself.</p><p>Rose came up to her and put her arm around her, “I’m sure you would have honey.”</p><p>Wrestling out of her grip and battling the desire to just jump off the hill anyway to end all of this, she glanced up to Ben who looked like he was on the verge of a very smug grin.</p><p>She pointed at him punitively, “Not another word.”</p><p>He held up his hands and then made a motioning that he was zipping his mouth. For once.</p><p>As they settled down from Rey’s almost repeat of what happened in Vegas, and yes, it definitely should stay there, Ben offered to take some pictures of the three of them, and Rose nodded vigorously, handing him her phone—Rose was always one to want to take a vast plethora of pictures as she smiled in between her and Finn. The tiny, adorable woman standing on her tip toes to try and appear taller.</p><p>When they had finished their festivities, Ben asked her if she was ready to head back. She laughed at him and told him not <em>really</em>. Well, that was just too bad, wasn’t it? Ben had apparently put this whole thing together to torture her anyway.</p><p>On the way back, he still held her hand in the appropriate places, and she was trying to convince herself that this wasn’t a Jane Austen novel; he was just a nice sasquatch helping out his smaller friend. It was still a perfectly enjoyable outing, and she told him such when they were driving home, and he wasn’t even that arrogant about it as he agreed and kept his gaze forward on the road.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rey <em>really </em>should have suspected that after the four of them had spent time together that was actually <em>planned</em>, that Rose and Finn would have given her shit about her and Ben. It was rather foolish of her to think otherwise. She was currently staying late at work to just finish up the project that she was on when Rose had called her, having just got home from work herself.</p><p>“So…yeah, you guys were just fascinating to watch. Both at dinner and on the hike.” Rose stated bluntly within the first minute or so into their conversation.</p><p>Rey really wanted to know what she meant, but she was conflicted to hear the ridicule at the same time, “What…do you mean by that?”</p><p>“I mean, come on Rey,” Rose said matter of factly, “I’ve never seen anything like it, and <em>especially</em> not with you because you always have kept a lot of the guys you date underwraps.”</p><p>“<em>Rose</em>—”</p><p>“Okay, before you even start your Kenobi rage, I <em>understand </em>that you guys are not dating and you are just friends…but what I am talking about goes much deeper than even that.”</p><p>Rey’s anger was immediately pulled back and turned into utter disorientation, “What?”</p><p>Now Rey was sitting at her work table, all alone, waiting to hang onto every word Rose had to say, “I feel like it is hard to explain, but…I don’t know you guys have this energy about you that is just, <em>unreal</em>.”</p><p>Rey swallowed, “Pardon?”</p><p>“Okay,” Rose sighed, “think about it Rey. <em>Really </em>think about how hard it is for <em>you </em>to open up to people, and let them into your life.” Rose claimed.</p><p>“Uh…huh.”</p><p>Rose gave a short little laugh, “And in walks Ben Solo, a man you were admiring from afar for <em>how </em>long? Probably building him up into your head that whole time knowing that the actual person is not going to live up to what you have been imagining this whole time.”</p><p>Rey hadn’t even <em>thought </em>about that. Of course she had built up B in her head. And sure, she had known what he was like outwardly, but that never could even compare to who <em>Ben Solo</em> was as a person.</p><p>“Look, I am just trying to get you to realize that what, you’ve only really known each other for a little over <em>four months</em>? If I didn’t know you two, I would have guessed years.”</p><p>Rey sucked in a breath, “R-really?”</p><p>“Yes, really! Finn, don’t you agree?” Rose asked, and Rey realized that she must have been on speakerphone, which should have been a given when talking to Rose, not that she minded Finn overhearing anyway.</p><p>It took a few seconds for him to respond, “Uh…<em>yeah</em>. Never thought I would see the day where I would see a guy keep up with Rey Fucking Kenobi and cearly be reveling in it.”</p><p>“Reveling in it?”</p><p>“Yeah, like. Throwing that sass back with as much vigor and the banter—”</p><p>“Oh my god yeah the banter between you two is crazy! There’s just so much chemistry between you guys, even if it’s platonic. At one point Finn and I just stood there straight up watched you two, and we were like <em>damn</em>. You didn’t even notice us staring!” Rose added.</p><p>She <em>hadn’t </em>noticed. If Rey were being honest with herself, she was vaguely aware of this fact, of their natural interactions. She knew from the beginning that she and Ben shared this chemistry. Rey just didn’t know that it was this <em>obvious </em>to other people. Then again, how was she to be aware of this when no one of note had seen her and Ben together? Hearing this from Finn and Rose actually didn’t make her as upset as she thought it would. It actually made her feel…pleased, validated even. She and Ben <em>did </em>have something special, and now it wasn’t just her discerning it in her head.</p><p>“I’m not saying this to upset you or anything. Finn and I just wanted you to be aware of what we witnessed with our own eyeballs.” Rose explained.</p><p>Rey blinked a couple of times and exhaled, “No, I know that. You didn’t upset me. I…do understand what you guys are trying to say.”</p><p>“Well, good.” Rose concluded.</p><p>They talked for a little while longer as Rey accepted that she wasn’t going to get anymore work done tonight and started to clean up her station. Rey laughed when she got to listen to the couple argue back and forth about getting a pet, in which Rose wanted a cat and Finn said it would be just too much responsibility, and Rey had to confirm that it really wasn’t. There were even litterboxes these days that were self-cleaning, so his refusal was deemed invalid.</p><p>She was getting ready to leave work when they eventually hung up, and just before she was going to walk out the door, Ben had actually started to call her, his form still holding her cat up on the screen. Her finger slid on the accept call icon.</p><p>“Yes Benjamin?”</p><p>“Hello Reymond, are you almost on your way home?”</p><p>Walking out to her car now, she paused momentarily in confusion, “On my way home for what?”</p><p>“It’s Tuesday…we said we were going to do taco Tuesday this week, remember?”</p><p>Rey completely deflated at her car and threw her arms over it, “Oh my god, I completely forgot! I just have this new project at work that has been stressing me out, and I really wanted to get as much done as I could today.”</p><p>Ben chuckled, “It’s okay, I totally understand that. Are you still at work now?”</p><p>“Yeah, I am just leaving.”</p><p>“Well, I’ll just wait for you then.”</p><p>Rey felt like all of the air just evaporated out of her lungs, “You—you don’t have to do that.”</p><p>She heard R2 barking in the background, “Calm down boy…hold on a sec Rey,” he said, probably getting ready to take the pooch out on a walk, so while she waited, she got into her car and started it up to make her way home. At least it was late enough now that there would be a lot less traffic, “Okay I’m back, anyway, it’s not that big a of a deal.”</p><p>“I just would feel bad. I’ve already made you wait this long.” She said answered now that Ben’s voice was surrounding her in her car over the Bluetooth.</p><p>The elevator door dinged on his end, “I’ve already got all the stuff prepped, which is what takes the longest. Actually cooking the tacos will take like two seconds.”</p><p>She sighed, turning left out of the parking garage at her work, “Are you sure?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve already made up my mind, Kenobi.”</p><p>“And changing it is almost an impossible feat, I’ve come to learn.”</p><p>“You know it! I’ll see you soon then, okay?”</p><p>The light turned green at the street light she was on, and she drove forward, getting onto the freeway, “Alright, see you.”</p><p>She hung up and found herself starting to form a slow smile on her face. He was waiting for her. He was waiting for her at home, and she had something to go home to. It had been like this for months, obviously, but it was the first time that it was ever uttered out loud.</p><p>
  <em>I’ll just wait for you then.</em>
</p><p>Rey played the sound of his voice over and over in her head, and was thinking of the conversation her, Finn, and Rose had just had as well. No one had ever waited for her before, and sure, this was just about tacos, but the gesture was there. She didn’t need any huge ones; something simple like this meant more to her than anything.</p><p>When she was arriving at Ben’s, she had texted him when she was about fifteen minutes away, so by the time she graced through his door, he was already elbow deep in cooking the meal. What she <em>wasn’t </em>expecting, however, was for him to be playing Rick Astley’s 1980s hit turned internet meme in the 2010s blasting through his apartment. She sighed while holding back a horrendous guffaw as she threw her purse down on his couch.</p><p>She faced him, hands on her hips, “<em>Really</em>?”</p><p>He looked up at her, and she could tell he was trying his hardest not to smile as he was pursed his stupid full lips, “Oh, hey Rey didn’t see you come in.”</p><p>“Uh huh.”</p><p>“Just, listening to my normal tunes.”</p><p>She approached the island as the chorus sounded that informed her of his commitment to not failing her or disappointing her, “Right.”</p><p>His smile broke, and so did hers. He asked the Alexa to turn the volume down, and he turned to the counter, grabbing the glass of wine he apparently already had prepared for her. As he turned, he dramatically whipped around, just like he had claimed he would on the hike.</p><p>She took the glass and sat on her normal stool, “I cannot believe you’re Rickrolling me right now.”</p><p>His dimples creased into his face with his grin, “You can’t?”</p><p>Rey laughed, taking a large gulp of her wine, “No, you’re right. That seems like exactly the sort of thing you would do.”</p><p>“Well, I couldn’t help myself. I just heard of this fun new trend that is all the rage with the kids, so I just wanted to try it out.”</p><p>Rey almost snorted out her wine and held a hand to her mouth, “Oh, right, I forgot it’s 2010.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben nodded, pushing the food around in the pan with his spatula, “have you heard of this thing called the Harlem Shake?”</p><p>She raised her glass to him, “Let me just do a quick plank and then we can figure out what the hell it means to shake in Harlem.”</p><p>They laughed together as the song ended, and Ben put something else on.</p><p>“You get everything done at work?”</p><p>She took a sip before responding, “<em>No</em>, but, it’s okay. I think it was time I left anyway. Don’t know how great the quality of my work was anymore.”</p><p>Ben snickered, “It’s too bad engineers don’t have paralegals.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, “You mean someone around who is obligated by their job to do all the bitch work for you?”</p><p>Ben pointed at her with his spatula, “Exactly.”</p><p>Leaning on her elbow, she smiled and spun the glass slowly around from the bottom, “Fucking lawyers.”</p><p>“We’re the worst, aren’t we?”</p><p>She drank from her glass again and gave an ‘ahhh’ sound, “Yup.”</p><p>Ben ended up sitting next to her at the island and they ate their tacos, Rey munching along happily, so thankful for this human wall in that moment. He looked over at her chewing, and smiled, taking a large, ridiculous bite out of his own taco, which made her giggle.</p><p>“Thank you.” Rey declared in between bites.</p><p>Ben finished swallowing before he spoke, “For what?”</p><p>Rey looked at her, confused, “What do you mean for what? For waiting for me, and cooking dinner.”</p><p>“Oh,” Ben said, “really Rey, you don’t need to thank me.”</p><p>“Well I am anyway, so…deal with it.”</p><p>His smile lit up his features, and that’s just what it was about him that was so fetching. He genuinely wasn’t expecting to be thanked by her.</p><p>They continued their meal in a normal fashion, and Rey laughed at one point remembering what she had done for a taco once.</p><p>Ben looked at her, “What?”</p><p>Rey snorted, taking another swig from her wine, “Nothing, I just remember one time where I bribed this taco vendor to give me a free taco after I hadn’t eaten anything for like a whole day.”</p><p>He looked at her for a few seconds with empathetic eyes.</p><p>“No, this is supposed to be a funny story.”</p><p>“Okay then, go on.”</p><p>Rey leaned on her elbow and examined her taco before taking another bite, “I might have…flashed him.”</p><p>Ben spit out the wine he was drinking and had to cough, so Rey patted his back a couple times, “You good buddy?”</p><p>He gave one more small cough, and held a hand to his chest, “Yeah,” he nodded, “yeah, I’m sorry, you did <em>what</em>?”</p><p>“Well, I was hungry.”</p><p>“I gathered that, but you prostituted yourself for a taco?”</p><p>She shrugged, “I’ve done worse for less.”</p><p>He smiled at her, “I guess I can get that. Did you keep going back?”</p><p>“Yeah, he gave me free tacos for life after that!”</p><p>He shook his head, “I bet.”</p><p>They went on eating for a few minutes, and he smirked and then licked his fingers in a completely over the top manner, “I remember the first time I had a taco.”</p><p>“Oh yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he said, “when I was pretty young, my parents were gone for so long that I started pretending Rhady was my parents, and my butler—”</p><p>“I’m sorry, you had a <em>butler</em>?”</p><p>He chuckled, “Yup, still serves the family to this day.”</p><p>“I just thought people only had those in movies.”</p><p>“Well, not the Organa-Solos, we gotta be over the top.”</p><p>She finished one taco and started another before responding, “That I 100% believe.”</p><p>He nodded at her, “Anyway, so he sees this and ends up telling my parents that he doesn’t think I’m ‘adjusting well,’ so when my parents actually came home, my mother came up to me and asked me what I wanted more than anything, and since I had just watched some Taco Bell commercials with the chihuahua, I told her I wanted a taco.”</p><p>Rey sat up in her chair, “Oh my god, I remember those commercials! Did she actually take you?”</p><p>He frowned, “No, but she made us tacos for dinner that night, so I was happy.”</p><p>Rey smiled, loving to imagine tiny Ben Solo getting excited over a taco. She shoved him a bit, “See? You like trash food too.”</p><p>“Well, like I said, my mother didn’t really want me eating fast food, so she made the tacos instead. God, I completely forgot about that story.”</p><p>Rey thought about how she more than anything would to have loved to share a taco with Ben when she was out on the streets, both of them so lonely and isolated.</p><p>“I think that’s sweet. I don’t blame you at all for pretending that your dog was your parents. If I had a pet, I probably would have don’t the same thing.” Rey claimed, smiling at him.</p><p>Ben laughed, “That makes me feel a little less crazy, thank you.”</p><p>This sentiment made her feel closer to Ben in a way, and sometimes it still astounded her the similarities they shared, despite the vast difference in monetary security.</p><p>Rey was the one to clean up because she claimed it was something she wanted to do, so he allowed her to take his plate. She was rinsed out the pan he used and put all of it in the dishwasher as he played with R2 for a bit, and of course he was being all cute about it, doing that animal voice while he let R2 lick him in the face.</p><p>Eventually, they ended up on the couch with mentions of possibly watching a movie, but honestly when she lied down, she didn’t feel like moving at all. Ben seemed to have laid down in a similar fashion with their heads meeting in the middle. Rey was so exhausted that she probably could have fallen asleep there. Her mind was wondering into dangerous places as she contemplated Rose’s words from earlier. Her and Ben’s connection…how was she supposed to feel about that now? It must have been pretty glaringly apparent if Rose and Finn noticed it in the short time the four of them had spent together. Rey smiled when she remembered the hike.</p><p>“Would you still talk to me if I still looked constipated?” Rey asked out of nowhere, breaking the silence.</p><p>Above her, Ben chuckled, “Would you still talk to me if I could only communicate with you in outdated memes?”</p><p>She laughed, “I thought that was what you were already doing,” Rey said and he kept up his laughter, “would you still talk to me if I could only communicate to you through jazz?”</p><p>“Ohhh, I’m afraid that I would have to never speak to you again.”</p><p>“Schodo bop?”</p><p>“Uh oh.”</p><p>“Bada do scidlido?”</p><p>“It’s happening.”</p><p>“Ta ta ta tisk it do!”</p><p>“Well this was a nice friendship Rey; I think we had a good run.”</p><p>She made her jazz noises in a sad tone now, “Bopity do?”</p><p>“Please leave my apartment.”</p><p>She reached up over her head and attempted to pat him on the shoulder, but only ended up smacking him in the face.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“Awww, sho dop bop!”</p><p>She heard Ben sigh deeply, “Oh, you.”</p><p>Rey giggled and turned over to face the couch, “Sorry, I was legitimately trying to pat your shoulder.”</p><p>“<em>Suuure</em>, I really believe that Kenobi.”</p><p>She hadn’t really expected him to react in a different way, so she opted to shrug into the couch. A companionable silence followed, and Rey felt like she might have even fallen asleep as her eyes continually stated to close, and then she was opening them again, her face still implanted into the couch. She breathed in and wondered how long she had been like that.</p><p>“So how was your day today anyway?” She asked, not looking at Ben, but assuming he was still conscious.</p><p>After he hadn’t responded, she thought maybe he had fallen asleep too, but when she swiveled her head around to look at him, she found that Ben was on his phone, so it didn’t seem like he had heard her, “Ben?”</p><p>“Hm?” He replied as he motioned his head slightly at her.</p><p>“I asked you how your day was.”</p><p>“Yes, right,” Ben said, putting his phone down and sitting up, “well, I got home a little bit earlier than expected because I finished all of my depositions, so I cleaned up around here,” Rey laughed as if there were anything to ‘clean up,’ “and then I took R2 to the dog park for a while.”</p><p>Rey decided to sit upright too. The mention of the dog park struck a chord with her, obviously, and she couldn’t help but feel flustered. Ben did seem to be on his phone a lot lately. Was it because of that blonde girl? Did he actually go up to her and ask her out? Rey’s curiosity on the subject was currently stronger than her shame.</p><p>“Well that sounds nice,” she started, hopefully sounding as offhand as possible, “did you uh—did you see that girl there?”</p><p>Ben furrowed his brows together and seemed to mouth her words until realization hit him, “Oh, no, I didn’t. I don’t think she has been there the last couple of times I’ve gone.”</p><p>Rey fought the desire to let out a sigh of relief, “Well that’s too bad.”</p><p>
  <em>No it’s really such a travesty, isn’t it?</em>
</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben said, not really sounding like he was either confirming or denying her statement. He looked at his phone one more time and then back to her, “but…I have been trying a dating app.”</p><p>Rey sucked in a breath, and genuinely felt like her lungs were fighting against her to breathe, “Have you now?”</p><p>He sighed and then nodded, leaning forward on his thighs, “Yeah…I didn’t particularly want to, but then Poe just kind of took my phone last week and downloaded it for me. Said he thought it would be ‘good for me.’ And then I thought about what you said a while ago at the dog park and thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.”</p><p>Not surprisingly, Rey was so taken aback that she didn’t really know how to respond because that was certainly <em>not </em>what she was expecting. And now if she ever met Poe, she was going to have to kill him. And then she would have to make a time machine to go back and slap herself into oblivion for being such a girl who should really know when to stick her foot in her mouth idiot.</p><p>She swallowed her spit, “Hm…really want to spread that incorrigible Solo charm around, don’t you?”</p><p>Rey chanced to look over at him, and she found that he was smirking slightly, “Well, not like <em>that</em>. Just kind of testing the waters, that’s all.”</p><p>“Hm,” Rey hummed again, looking at her on phone because she genuinely didn’t know what else to do in that moment, and turned back to him, “well good for you then.”</p><p><em>Good for you? </em>Good <em>for you?</em></p><p>What else was she supposed to say, ‘Hey, I’d really prefer if you’d fuck me on this couch here instead of hitting up other girls. How does that sound, huh?’</p><p>He exhaled deeply, “It’s just…a lot more difficult than I remember.”</p><p>Was he <em>really </em>being hard on himself <em>now</em> of all times? What was she supposed to tell him? That his own brand of dorky suaveness could probably charm the pants of any girl? That is, if they didn’t just have functioning eyeballs first and didn’t just <em>see </em>him to convince them to disrobe for him. Would they even know? Would they know how sweet he was with his dog? How much of an advisory he was at Mario Kart? How his brows furrowed and he pursed his lips in a particular manner when he was concentrating on something important to him? That he…had <em>her </em>across the street? The woman he ate homemade tacos and had preposterous inside jokes about their plants with? Would any of that matter to them?</p><p>“Come on Ben. I wasn’t kidding about the charm.”</p><p>Rey didn’t know how to feel currently. She just…felt kind of numb and was aware of herself going into survival mode in order to protect her heart that wanted to do nothing more than shatter after hearing this confession.</p><p>He leaned on the side of the couch and held his chin in his hand, “Right, okay. Thanks.”</p><p>“Anytime.” Rey said. Her words sounded foreign and wrong to her. When this had happened before, she was flustered and upset, and now she felt almost apathetic.</p><p>She momentarily closed her eyes and breathed in, bracing herself, and then looked over to him fully, “I’ve got an early morning, have to get in before everyone else to finish everything before the work day.”</p><p>Normally, she’d want to stay. Normally, she’d suggest the watch a movie, play a round of Mario Party, watch him practice calligraphy, hell, <em>anything</em>, but she couldn’t bear the thought of questioning what he was doing every time he was on that phone.</p><p>“Right, that makes sense,” he said, getting up, “well thanks for coming over.”</p><p>Rey actually found the ability to laugh as she also stood, grabbing her purse off the ground, “You cooked me dinner and now you’re thanking me for coming over?”</p><p>He smiled, “I guess I am.”</p><p>They had made their way to his door. Things felt off now, and she wasn’t sure if it was just one-sided. Before she could question anything that was happening in this lingering, Ben opened the door for her, but then he just looked down at her with piercing eyes, “Have a good rest of your night Rey.”</p><p>She breathed in, “You too.”</p><p>Then they stood there, staring, his eyes seemed to be scanning her face. Then he got closer to her to pull her into an embrace like he usually did when they said goodbye, and she returned it. He squeezed her tight before he let go. When they pulled away, she faked a smile at him and turned to leave before he could say or do anything else to just make this situation worse.</p><p>Walking back to her apartment felt like a nightmare. Every step reminded her of why she wasn’t up there with him, and why she felt like someone had pierced her heart with a twisting knife. By the time she had made it to her bed and she threw herself on top of it, her back hitting the mattress, Rey decided how she was going to feel about all of this. Ben, this man, who had felt like such a staple in her life was attempting to move on with his, and she wondered if all this time he had been using her not to feel lonely. Just a placeholder until he could find a more suitable, permanent replacement. She felt her hands ball into fists.</p><p>There was no denying it when she felt that ol’ Kenobi rage fill up inside of her.</p><p>Just when they had a perfectly lovely evening together. Just when Rose had told her that they had something special. Just when she thought she was feeling like she had something to go home to.</p><p>Rey sat up and got her phone out of her purse, unlocking it and typing in something on the app store that she hadn’t done in a long time: Tinder.</p><p>Ben claimed that he was just going to be testing the waters, after all.</p><p>Fine, Solo. Two could play at that game.</p><p>Her thumb hovered over the screen before she hit the install button.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>*dodges tomatoes being thrown at me* okay *dodges another* OKAY, I'm SORRY *yet another* I JUST GOTTA HAVE THAT ANGST OKAY?!?!?!?</p><p>Alright, ALRIGHT...I guess I have to explain myself here...look, after posting that chapter when they went to the dog park, I realllly started to think about the consequences to Rey's actions when she told Ben to go up to that girl. And this isn't just about them being just dumb and oblivious anymore. It's about their self-esteem and how neither of them would think that someone like Ben/Rey would EVER go for them, a lonely hot mess. Also I def think that Poe would want to look out for his boy like that too when he suspects that Rey has already friend-zoned Ben. So really, Ben is just trying to follow advice of two people's opinions that he values greatly. And yes, Poe WILL finally make his debut in this fic in the near future. I promise you they wont be going into anything serious, don't love angst THAT much. They just have to be dumbasses for a little while longer, okay? Ugh, you still want to throw tomatoes at me, don't you? Honestly *stands up straight, ready for the blow* don't blame you, go ahead.</p><p>Ahhh I legit missed y'all and posting weekly though! Adding in this plotline, school, and work just unfortunately got in the way! Freaking responsibilities I hate them. I am going to trrrryyyy to post by next week. I have a lot of the next chapter written out already... *wipes off tomato gunk all over me...then proceeds to rub hands together maniacally* Trust, what I have cooking...it's gon be good ha ha.  </p><p>So, with a real, honest to my heart appreciation, thank you for reading and I reallllly hope you'll stick around.</p><p>Obligatory <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> link.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“…the heart slips backward, remembering, remembering.”</p><p>“The Twelve-Thousand-Day Honeymoon” —Anne Sexton</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At first, it all felt surreal, Rey’s retaliation over Ben’s admission. It started with just that mere download, filling out her typical profile, and then just waiting to see what would happen, if she would actually go through with it. This decision was fairly contingent on whether or not Ben would mention it again, or if he would bring a girl over. He had yet to confirm or deny, so a couple of weeks later, after a radio silence regarding the whole thing, she found herself swiping. Messaging. All of the customary accoutrements that go along with dating online, or in her case, vengeance. Her displaced rage over the situation much reminded her of when he was just B with his girlfriend, and her grandfather had first emailed her, which genuinely felt like a lifetime ago. Thinking about how had happened since then, how much had occurred between her and Ben, it was straight up jarring.</p><p>When Rey began to actually commence with this whole venture, the swiping was frivolous, her finger frantically working over and over and over without giving it much thought, but the more she saw Ben on his phone, the more she was on hers when they were together. She hadn’t told him what she was doing, much like how whatever it was he was up to on his phone was not any of her business.</p><p>The first date she went on involved her having to listen to a guy drone on about how his car was pretty much his girlfriend, so she didn’t really know why she was there in the first place. And in all honesty, how could cup holders of all things be <em>luxury</em>? At the end of the night, she declined his offer to see them and went home alone. Ben had come in not too long after her, and he waved to her when he saw her in her kitchen, and then even texted her asking her if she was making herself a late night grilled cheese. She hated that he was right.</p><p>At one point when he was out one night, she broke down and looked on Ben’s social media to see if there would be any clues as to who he was going out on these dates with. She was sitting on the couch with her lap top, glass of wine in hand, glaring at her screen. His Facebook really hadn’t revealed anything; he posted even less often than she did. The only new thing about his profile was that he had made a picture she had taken of him at the Hollywood sign his new profile picture. A girl had commented on it, saying it was ‘Awesome!’ Rey clicked on it immediately to see whoever this Nicole girl was, but unfortunately her profile was locked up tight, the bitch. Her profile picture of her smiling under a tree, which was a pretty far away shot, was her only indication Rey had of her. So apparently she liked nature?</p><p>In a huff, she went back to Ben’s profile, scrolling downwards, and that is when she saw his name under Ben’s friends list: Poe Dameron.</p><p>“<em>This </em>asshole.” Rey cursed, immediately clicking on his picture.</p><p>Rey quickly found that he was a fan of selfies; he posted one nearly every other day. She couldn’t even quite make it through all of his profile pictures before she gave up. There were a few with Ben that made her heart wretch, especially this one where Poe was grabbing Ben’s chest from behind with Ben’s hands over his, and then another one where Poe had his face against Ben’s shoulder, looking completely content.</p><p>“Fucking idiots.” She snarled, and tried her hardest not to be entirely endeared by the two best friends. As Rey just kept scanning his profile, she thought she started to understand <em>exactly </em>the kind of person Poe Dameron was with his endless photos with all sorts of various locations and people, that dumb smug grin in nearly every single one of them.</p><p>“<em>Look</em> at meee,” Rey mocked him while sipping at her wine, “I’m Poe <em>Daaaameron</em>, I have stupid hair and a stupid smile. I’m just a life ruinerrrrr!”</p><p>It made her feel better for about five minutes until she thought about Poe giving Ben advice on his dates, which made her upset all over again. The man clearly had game with the many, many comments and likes all over his pictures.</p><p>The second and third dates ended in much the same way the first one had, and Rey was starting to entertained if this was going to be typical of her and Ben, pretending everything was just status quo between them as if they <em>hadn’t </em>just gotten home from seeing other people, smiling at one another and then proceeding with their normal night time routines. As time went on, so did Rey. She had started this experiment out of retaliation, but perhaps this could actually be something to help enable her to move on with her life…</p><p>When she told Rose and Jess about it at brunch, they were furious with her.</p><p>Rey figured with the secret being out about Ben, she might as well tell Jess about him, and she did soon after Rose and Finn had so unceremoniously found out. She took it better than Rose did, but she still wasn’t exactly pleased with being kept in the dark. Ultimately, though, she told Rey she was happy for her and said she hope that they would figure it all out sometime. Her support and empathy for Rey’s situation was not how Jess seemed now, however.</p><p>“Are you fucking joking?” Rose asked her, a full bite of the crepes she ordered still on her fork, “what the fuck is wrong with you two <em>dumbasses</em>?”</p><p>Rey glared at her, already completely frustrated with the situation at hand, “Look, this is obviously where Ben’s priorities are at, so what am I supposed to do about that?”</p><p>Jess furrowed his eyebrows, “Didn’t you say that his friend kind of forced him into it?”</p><p>Rey rolled her head over to her, “No one was holding a gun to his head when he went out on those three dates Jessika.”</p><p>Rose let out a long sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose, “I fucking <em>cannot </em>with you guys.”</p><p>Anger coated Rey’s veins now, and she didn’t have time to be mad at him anymore because she had two more dates lined up for this coming week. This meant there was no time to dilly dally on her feelings about it.</p><p>“Who knows you guys, maybe I will meet a charming man that will just <em>sweep </em>me off my feet and makes me forget all about Benjamin ‘I alphabetize my spice rack’ Solo! Who needs all of <em>that </em>anyway?” Rey sneered almost resentfully. She was really wishing Rose and Jess hadn’t picked up on it.</p><p>Jess looked at her disbelievingly, “You cannot be serious.”</p><p>Rey crossed her arms and looked back and forth between her two friends, “Oh, I am completely serious.”</p><p>At this current stage, Rey had spent so much time brooding over this that <em>she</em> even believed in this. If Ben was going to be out there, spreading his wild oats or whatever it was he was trying to accomplish, she was not just going to sit at home and mope about it.</p><p>Rose tipped back her mimosa and took a huge gulp of it before speaking, “And you never thought perhaps, this is something you could just…<em>talk </em>to Ben about?”</p><p>A large snort came from Rey’s mouth, but then she realized that Rose was being sincere, “No. Why would I do that when we’ve clearly both made up our minds about the situation?”</p><p>Rose sighed and put her head down on the table while Jess shook her head.</p><p>“I think what Rose is trying to get at is…you don’t seem exactly <em>pleased</em> with this whole thing.” Jess explained.</p><p>Rey actually was a bit taken aback by his statement, “Look,” Rey started, “this was bound to happen sometime, wasn’t it? Ben has made his feelings regarding me and our friendship very plain. I don’t need him to spell it out for me again, alright? I get it, so I for once, am looking out for me here. I’ve spent much too long dwelling over that fucking sasquatch, and I just,” she paused, exhaling deeply, “I just need to move on, okay? Not from Ben altogether, like I still want him in my life, but it’s about time this fantasy in my head ended, alight?”</p><p>Rose lifted her head and looked from her to Jess, and then back to her, “You know what then Rey, if this is what you want, then fine. I love you and want to support you no matter what.”</p><p>Rey nodded at her, “Thank you.”</p><p>Jess was chewing on her frittata and swallowed, “How are things between you guys at least? Is it awkward?”</p><p>In reality, Rey conjectured that it was <em>supposed </em>to be awkward, but, it really wasn’t. It was a <em>little</em> weird albeit, but it’s not like it was just straight up awkward. Her and Ben still hung out, they still talked, and they still did all of the right things necessary to carry on their friendship; the only difference was that, well, they were seeing other people. Rey only had an idea how things were going on Ben’s side because truth be told she wasn’t trying to be <em>that </em>nonchalant about the situation where she would <em>ask </em>him about it. When it all came down to it, she thought she would try to figure this whole thing out so she wouldn’t have to deal with this constant stress with Ben anymore. The thought of peace actually sounded rather appealing to her. Perhaps Poe had been right all along, perhaps it would be good for them.</p><p>“Ben and I are fine.”</p><p>Jess nodded at her and shrugged, “Okay Rey, if this is what you want.”</p><p>“It’s not a matter of want; it’s a matter of self-preservation.” Rey explained.</p><p>Rose and looked to Rey with an empathetic expression, “Goddammit that actually makes sense…I <em>guess</em>. In this whack-a-doo version of what you call your reality.”</p><p>What an excellent description of her life at the moment. Just a whack-a-doo fucking mess.</p><p>She exhaled through her nose, “Can we talk about something else now? I’d <em>really</em> like to focus on something else.”</p><p>Rose raised an eyebrow and tapped all of her fingers together in front of her, “<em>Well</em>…we might as well discuss…how <em>were </em>these dates anyway?”</p><p>Jess nodded, “Oh my god yeah!”</p><p>Rey ended up rolling her eyes harshly while groaning, “They have been the <em>worst</em>, bloody hell! I know it’s been a while, but <em>come on</em>! The first guy would not stop talking about his car; I am fairly certain he was banging it, so I am not really sure why he claimed to be interested in women too.”</p><p>The two other girls started to giggle.</p><p>Jess shook her head, “He did <em>not</em>.”</p><p>“Oh he <em>did</em>. Damn I bet the two of you miss being single.” Rey joked.</p><p>Rose nodded, “Oh <em>yes</em>, let me go home and break up with Finn so I can go on a date with someone who wants to bone their moped.”</p><p>Nearly shaking with laughter, Rey had to put down her fork she was holding, “Okay, <em>that </em>would be something to see. I am sure Finn would understand completely.”</p><p> </p><p>On the walk back to their cars, Rose leaned against her car after Jess said she had to get going to go meet her mother, embracing the two other girls before she said goodbye, wishing Rey the best on her dating endeavors. Her and Rose’s cars were next to each other in the parking lot, and Rose was crossing her arms while Rey was getting her keys out of her purse.</p><p>“You gonna be okay Kenobi?”</p><p>Was she? Was she ever really okay? No, but she could pretend; she was good at that, “Yeah.”</p><p>Rose nodded and chewed on her lip, “You know, Finn has finally gotten the feng shui out of his system.”</p><p>Rey looked up from her purse. Damn thing swallowed her keys, “Yeah?”</p><p>She nodded, “Mm hm…You want to maybe come over and see it? We could also try to get Finn’s guy perspective on all of this.”</p><p>Rey felt quite flummoxed by Rose’s sentiment because she wasn’t really sure if the priority was being concerned for Rey or that she really wanted Rey to see the aftermath of Finn’s redecorating. Either way, Rey knew the answer, “I do, I really do.”</p><p> </p><p>Rose and Rey’s arms were linked together as they were giggling about the moral ambiguity of one having intercourse with their mode of transportation when Rose went to unlock her door. They scrambled into the apartment; Rey giddy to see how different Finn’s influence caused the apartment to look. What she was not expecting, however, was to see Finn and Ben drinking beers together, watching a football game. Rey stopped in her tracks and furrowed her eyebrows at them, and Rose took the words right out of her mouth with a slight chuckle.</p><p>“What’s Ben doing on our couch?”</p><p>Ben scoffed and tipped his beer to them, “<em>Ouch</em>.”</p><p>Rose smiled, “Aww, not like that Ben…I just…wasn’t expecting an unanticipated sasquatch in my apartment.”</p><p>Ben chuckled and looked to Rey briefly, “I get that a lot.”</p><p>For some reason his stare caused her breath to hitch slightly.</p><p>Finn turned from his place on the love seat and looked to Rey as well, “Hey now, you don’t get to hog Ben all to yourself anymore Rey! I want in on this Solo action too! And our teams were playing.”</p><p>It made Rey feel awkward to have Ben here so unpredictably like this. She knew that her and Ben weren’t on poor terms or anything, but that didn’t stop her from suddenly feeling like there was a rock at the bottom of her stomach. She wouldn’t meet his eyes again.</p><p>Rose laughed, “Well now I see why you weren’t <em>answering my</em> <em>texts</em>, so whatever…what’s the score?” She asked, walking over to Finn and swiping the beer out of his hand and taking a swig out of it.</p><p>Rey hadn’t ever been too seriously interested in football. She had never minded it when it was on, but she didn’t really seek it out. Rose had always been more invested in it than she ever had been, which was for some reason always so fascinating to the guys they went to grad school with. Rey never understood why. Why <em>should </em>it matter that a female like something like football? She knew plenty that did. Ugh, men.</p><p>“Hey! Get your own!” Finn exclaimed, grabbing it back from his girlfriend after she had tried to get it out of reach, laughing, “it’s 13 to 21, Niners, third down in the second quarter.”</p><p>Rey recognized the teams. She knew what a Los Angeles Chargers fan Finn was, and she knew Ben liked the San Francisco 49ers, but she didn’t really know what else that meant other than Ben’s team was the one winning.</p><p>“Ohhh shit! Looks like your Bolts need to get their acts together or they’ll be l<em>oooo</em>sing!” Rose teased pinching Finn’s cheek.</p><p>“Oh shut it! It’s not even halftime.” Finn countered back.</p><p>“Hm,” Rose hummed looking back to Rey and probably realized how uncomfortable she looked, “well Rey and I have some <em>girl </em>stuff to attend to, so we’ll have to catch up with the ever-infamous battle between lightening and those guys who pan for gold.”</p><p>Finn held up his finger, “Well <em>technically</em>—”</p><p>“I know, I <em>know</em> the chargers are actually those knight guys, I’ve been dating you for four years, remember?” Rose defended, “fighting lightening just seems so much more exciting.”</p><p>Finn pointed a finger gun at her, “Can’t argue with that babe!”</p><p>“Right, well we’ll be in our room.” Rose announced, pulling on Rey’s arm to follow.</p><p>Rey watched Finn smile at them and Ben told them to have fun. When she reached Rose and Finn’s room, she sighed and fell back on their bed immediately.</p><p>“Well that was hella awkward.” Rose commented, getting on the bed and sitting next to her.</p><p>Rey groaned, “Really? I was hoping it wasn’t going to be.”</p><p>Rose leaned on her hand, “Well considering what you giggle boxes were like the <em>last</em> time I saw you together to now not even saying one word to each other, I’d say it was quite the difference.”</p><p>Sighing, Rey turned on her side towards her, “I guess you’re right.”</p><p>“I thought you said you guys were fine.” Rose said.</p><p>Rey closed her eyes briefly, reflecting on the implications of those words, “We are, but…it’s not like we sit there and get chummy about our dating endeavors. I don’t know. We <em>seem </em>fine. It’s not like we got in a fight or anything.”</p><p>“But…you’re not Ben and Rey.”</p><p>Again, that statement shot her right to the heart, not realizing there was enough built up there to <em>be </em>a…Ben and Rey, “I—I really don’t know.”</p><p>“Well what happens when it’s just the two of you?”</p><p>Rey chewed at a hangnail, “Truth be told we haven’t really hung out all that much since this has all started happening. And when we do…we just watch our shows and I question what he is doing every time he is on his phone.”</p><p>“Wow,” Rose said, lying down next to her, “this is a tough one…does he know that you’ve been going out on dates too?”</p><p>Rey sighed, suddenly feeling really upset, “No, I haven’t told him. Felt kind of weird to announce it. I am not sure if he suspects something or not.”</p><p>“Wow, what a <em>shocker</em>.” Rose said to her, slightly teasing. Rey didn’t even have the wherewithal to glare at her like she normally would.</p><p>After everything she and Ben had been through, she was really hoping that this wasn’t what was going to put a huge rift in their friendship. Rey really didn’t think she could handle that, or the notion of…not being as close as they were or not even being friends at all.</p><p>The musing of it alone made her chest heavy, and she felt like she couldn’t even breathe.</p><p>“So…what are you going to do about all of this?” Rose asked her.</p><p>Rey looked over at her, “I really am not sure. I don’t really want to think about it right now,” she admitted, sitting up, “in fact, I think I might just want to go.”</p><p>Rose sat up with her, “Oh come on Rey, are you serious?”</p><p>She nodded, not really feeling like socializing, especially with Ben all of a sudden, and then the concept of her wanting to get away from Ben for the first time in her life was making her even more upset, “Yeah, I just don’t feel like being around everyone. I kind of just want to be alone. And I don’t want to see Ben on his phone.”</p><p>Rose always had been a pragmatic person. She was logical, she was analytic, which was probably what made her such a good engineer, and yet, she could still also be compassionate when need be. And after being friends with her for this long, Rey really should have been expecting the sort of treatment Rose was well-known for, constantly whipping people into shape, of which she unleashed on to Rey as she saw fit, “Alright, Kenobi, I am going to need you to stop being such a baby.”</p><p>Blinking at her, Rey still managed to find a way to be still be surprised every time she received an infamous Tico ass whooping, “What?”</p><p>Rose let out an exasperated noise that let on how much exactly Rose was done with Rey’s shit, “Look, Rey, accidental word vomit or not, this whole Ben dating other girls was in part <em>your </em>idea, so Ben is just going along with what his two good friends have suggested for him. So in order to combat this situation, you either need to accept it or try and change his mind about it…so what’s it going to be?”</p><p>Rey bit her lip and truly thought about Rose’s argument, and like always, she was completely right. Rey had unintentionally started to mope about this situation without realizing it yet again, and Rose was just calling her out on it. Well in this state, she certainly was not going to go out there and confront Ben on what <em>was </em>her idea in the first place, and so, her only other option was to try and accept the situation for what it was, which is what she supposed she had been trying to do this whole time with going on dates with other people anyway.</p><p>She sighed, “I will try to accept it.”</p><p>Rose nodded at her and patted her leg, “Good.”</p><p>There was a knock on the door and Finn poked his head in, “Hey, I was going to order pizza, standard toppings for you two?”</p><p>They both nodded. Rey liked just cheese and Rose was a fan of vegetarian toppings even though she wasn’t a vegetarian.</p><p>“Cool. You ladies almost done in here? Chargers are up to 19 now! We got another touchdown!” Finn exclaimed, seeming thrilled, “and I am about to get a little loose with Solo because we are going to bust out the whiskey. With the way we’re starting to turn it around, he’s going to need it!”</p><p>Rose laughed, and even Rey did a bit too, “That’s great Finny, we’ll be out in just a second.”</p><p>He winked at them, “Alright. Don’t take too long my flower,” he looked to Rey, “and my peanut.”</p><p>The door closed and Rose took a second to shake her head at her boyfriend’s endearing antics and then put her attention on Rey again, “So, you gonna be fine?”</p><p>Rey nodded, “Yes, I will be. You were right, of course, so I am just going to go out there and…be fine with Ben.”</p><p>Rose sighed, examining her nails, “It’s a curse really, to just always be correct in every situation.”</p><p>She shoved her friend in the shoulder, “Must be.”</p><p>Going out to the boys didn’t seem as daunting once alcohol got involved, and when Finn offered her the hard stuff, she immediately took advantage of it and said yes to it. She and Ben were sharing the couch, Finn and Rose, the loveseat. Rey eventually made a joke about it after she tossed a couple back about her and Ben needing more space because they were longer, and Ben laughed, swiveling his head to her, telling her she had made a fair point.</p><p>Finn scoffed at their short jokes with his whiskey in one hand and his arm around Rose on the other side, “Look, some of us don’t <em>need </em>to be the length of California, alright? I get along <em>just </em>fine, don’t I Rosie?”</p><p>She wasn’t really paying attention to Finn because she was watching the game, something long since Rey had given up on, “What? Uh, yes! Sure babe. He’s very adept in the bedroom.”</p><p>Finn smiled and kissed her with Rose’s eyes still on the TV, “Not exactly what I was going for, but I appreciate the compliment nonetheless.” Finn slightly slurred at her.</p><p>Ben sat back and laughed, his head resting on the back of the couch while he sat like a complete slut, manspreading like the best of them, with his long legs spread out and Rey was resenting him entirely for it, “Hey,” Ben pointed to Finn with the held that held his whiskey, “<em>you</em> are one of my <em>favorite</em> short kings, alright Finnegan?” Then he leaned in and whispered, “Don’t tell Poe I said that.”</p><p>Finn held his hand to his chest, “What an <em>honor </em>Benjaminnn.”</p><p>Ben pointed a finger gun at him and took another swig of his drink.</p><p>Rose snorted at them, and even Rey was giggling a little bit at this point. She reached over and pinched Finn’s cheek, “You’re certainly <em>my</em> favorite short king.”</p><p>Finn smiled back and leaned in close to her, “Ain’t no ‘must be this tall to ride’ <em>this </em>ride.”</p><p>Tittering, Rose closed the space between them and kissed him briefly before pulling away while snapping her fingers, “That’s—right!”</p><p>Now Rey was just straight up laughing at her best friends’ antics, “Stop being so cute you two!”</p><p>Finn shrugged and gave a winning smile, “What can I say, I’m a fun-sized super nice guy.”</p><p>Rose shook her head at him, “You dork.”</p><p>They were all laughing again before Ben had to yell at the screen after a penalty was called on his team for holding, whatever that meant. Then he sank back on the couch and crossing his arms over his chest, pouting while Finn began to gloat. Rey wasn’t even really sure what quarter it was anymore or how much time was left in the game. She just knew that her glass was empty again.</p><p>Oh no, Rey knew her head was starting to spin a bit, and she knew that meant her guard was going to be <em>waaaay </em>down. Why did she think this was a good plan? Ben was being adorably intoxicated now, and it was making her lady parts tingle. The pizza had come, and she was much more excited to address her empty stomach than her empty lady parts.</p><p>And while said lady parts <em>were </em>tingling every time he would disagree with something on the screen and argue with a “<em>Noo, </em>come on ref!”, her heart would sink every time he saw him with his phone out yet again, sending texts or whatever it was he was doing, which probably took him longer under the influence. She sighed, trying not to pay attention to it when he would. She was trying to be <em>fine </em>with this.</p><p>Rey decided going to the bathroom was within her best interest when Ben readjusted himself and brushed his leg—his thunder thigh, really, that…tree stump—against hers. This was not the time for her to be getting the vapors like some Victorian woman just because his…parking lot column rubbed up against hers.</p><p>In the bathroom, she peed, and then she was stumbling off the toilet, so she had to center herself before pulling up her pants and washing her hands. Rey saw her eyes in the mirror and almost had to laugh at herself.</p><p><em>Look at you Kenobi, you were supposed to be </em>fine <em>around this idiot and now you’re just acting like a horned out teen again. Maybe I should just go back to being angry at him. Anger is much easier to deal with.</em></p><p>Perhaps that wasn’t such a bad plan. If she were angry at him, maybe it would be easier to deal with his stupid thunder thighs and arms and smile. Fuck.</p><p>She took in a deep breath and stood up straighter. Yes, she was riling herself up now. Fucking stupid moron with his stupid moles and his stupid hair.</p><p>Opening the door, she continued her tirade of Ben in her mind.</p><p>His stupid dimples and his stupidly large stupid hands and his stupid adorable ears and his stupid—</p><p>Rey had rounded the corner to find that Ben now had sprawled his large form out on the couch with his legs dangling over the side of it, much like he did when they were on either of their own couches together. She thought maybe that was why he was doing it now in order to make room for her.</p><p>This <em>stupid—</em></p><p>She plopped herself down on the floor in front of him on the couch.</p><p>Stupid. He was so stupid.</p><p>Leaning her head back against the couch, she continued to watch the game in silence as the other three would make relevant comments about the game play that she didn’t understand. She decided to reach over to the coffee table and eat what was left of her pizza as she tried to comprehend what was going on.</p><p>She kept munching and sat back again, noting that the 49ers had scored another down.</p><p>Finishing the rest of her slice, she exhaled, and realized watching this much of the game was causing her to wish she knew just a little more about what was actually going on. She turned her head slightly to Ben, “I know this is going to sound stupid, but what’s a down?”</p><p>Ben laughed, so Rey felt embarrassed asking, turning her head back forward to huff.</p><p>“No, it’s not a stupid question.” Ben said slowly.</p><p>She twisted back to him, “Really?”</p><p>He shook his head vigorously, “No.”</p><p>Rey smiled as she leaned her head back more as Ben answered her question.</p><p>“It has to with what team is on offense, basically there are four downs, and they have four chances to gain ten yards. If they do, it starts over. If they don’t by the fourth try, the other team gets the ball.” Ben explained as best he could, even given his drunken state. He certainly was moving his arms around a lot throughout the whole elucidation.</p><p>Rey nodded, really attempting to understand his explanation while she watched the screen, seeing those markers that she never saw the purpose of before, “Oh! Is that what those orange guys are for!?”</p><p>He laughed again, nodding, “Exactly.”</p><p>Feeling excited over her triumph, she sat back and just observed the game, thrilled to have been just a little bit more privy to the complex and confusing world of American football. Then she mused in her head that it felt nice to be able to just talk to Ben like this; she really had been building the entire situation up in her head too much, she realized. Because in the end, he was still Ben. Her stupidly large, dorky neighbor. This didn’t have to be so bad, right?</p><p>On screen, she observed that the 49ers were still winning, though not by much.</p><p>“Ugh, come on you guys! Get that interception goddamn it!” Finn shouted at the screen.</p><p>“Yeah right,” Ben said snidely to him, “you see how close we are to another touchdown?”</p><p>“Shut it, Solo!” Finn yelled at him.</p><p>Ben wheezed, “You sound like Rey.”</p><p>“Hey!” Rey defended, rotating back at him to see disbelieving eyes and then relented, “yeah okay.”</p><p>His gargantuan hand patted her on the shoulder, “It’s okay feisty.”</p><p>Rey glared at him, “Don’t push it, Solo.”</p><p>He just kept smiling and focused back on the screen, and Rey tried to forget about the weight of his hand on her shoulder. Ben, really when she thought about it, had never seemed to be afraid of her, never deterred by her aggressive nature. The realization of this was not something she wanted to lament at the present time, so she ignored it just like everything else in her life.</p><p>Tensions seemed to be high in the game, so much so that even Rey was giving it her rapt attention. She wasn’t really even sure what team she was rooting for at this point, though she liked the uniforms for the Chargers better, and then she laughed at her own decision making process.</p><p>Like Ben had mentioned, the 49ers were really close to the end zone, and even she knew what that meant. They were about to start a new play, and as they were lining up, she heard Ben take a huge intake of breath, and as it was playing out, she didn’t hear him exhale at all.</p><p>Then, just as it seemed like one of the players on the 49ers was going to catch the ball to bring it to the end zone, one of the Chargers was able to come in and intercept it.</p><p>“Fuck! Are you goddamn kidding me!?” Ben shouted, sitting up suddenly in a rage.</p><p>“<em>Hell</em> yeahhhhhh! That’s right, oh yeah oh yeah!” Finn celebrated, standing up and doing a victory dance, “that’s how my Bolts <em>do it</em>!”</p><p>He spun around and Ben seemed to be seething as he laid back down on the couch, “Pipe down Hadari, you’re still losing.”</p><p>“For now!” He exclaimed, still insisting on his dance, “Just wait until Herbert runs that ball up the field! Here baby film me in this moment of greatness.”</p><p>He handed his phone to Rose and she started to take a video of his overindulgent victory.</p><p>“That’s right baby!” Rose exclaimed.</p><p>Ben was smiling, shaking his head at Finn’s antics, “Sure yeah, okay that’s going to happen. He’s a decent rookie at <em>best</em>.”</p><p>Finn scoffed at him, taking his seat next to Rose once more, “He’s the fresh quarterback we have been <em>dying </em>for! Have you seen his stats? Rivers served us well, but it was time.”</p><p>“Yeah, I don’t think he was the same ever since Gates retired.” Rose commented.</p><p>Finn looked to her, “You’re just saying that because you like his butt.”</p><p>“What?! The man’s got mad cake.”</p><p>He snorted, “And you make fun of <em>me </em>for liking Marie Kondo? You’ve <em>clearly</em> got a thing for brothers over here—”</p><p>“Well he was a tight end! And he has a real <em>tight </em>end if ya know what I mean—”</p><p>Rey laughed at her friends while drinking another glass of whiskey that she poured for herself while they argued over the derriere of former players when she heard Ben laughing too, so she gazed back at him.</p><p>He looked…so adorably serene. So angelically endearing in his amusement that it made Rey’s stomach flip inside out and decide to take a leave of absence for the time being.</p><p>He had this broad smile that showed off his dimple in the most glorious fashion, and she was completely transfixed by his laughter that was so evidently displayed across his face. However, she noticed that she couldn’t observe the smile reach his eyes because his fringe was obstructing them from her view. His eyes, his lovely bottomless pools of endless fascination for Rey, had always been these expressive expanses of warm brown, so right now more than anything, she wanted to witness them in full with the rest of face. Without any sort of cognitive awareness, Rey found herself raising her hand at an unhurried pace, brushing the shorter hair against his forehead aside as her fingers slid across it to tuck the dark locks behind his ear. His gloriously large ear that she had already admitted to herself she wanted to see more of. As she finished pushing the stands back, her thumb outlined the shell of it, slowly down to the lobe where she gently caressed it back and forth before she dropped her hand on to the couch under him.</p><p>Rey was in pretty severe denial about what she was even doing until the moment her fingers finished grazing his unfairly soft skin, not even noticing Ben’s eyes on her, and seeing them was the whole point of this venture in the first place. At first, he kind of seemed like a frozen yeti laying there on the couch, but then, those eyes melted in front of her. They seemed gentle and curious now, though the smile they held before was gone as she stared back into those deep, beautiful shades of bronze. Then, the smile was back, creeping ever so demurely onto his face and she didn’t even know if she could even help but return it.</p><p>It was a moment of calm. It was a moment of almost unreality to Rey. She felt like if she even breathed that it would break the spell as they stared at one another, and now all the worrying she had done over this this man seemed so inconsequential. She wanted to touch him again. She wanted to lean over and skim those ears with her lips this time, nibbling at them reverently so he could understand how much she loved them, after which she would eventually traverse over his skin to his mouth where she could slant hers over his in the most harmonious—</p><p>“Okay, so if I get Marie Kondo then you get Antonio Gates?” Finn asked from behind her.</p><p>Rose didn’t respond for a few seconds, “Deal. Either him or Idris Elba.”</p><p>“Okay fine, then I get to add Constance Wu.”</p><p>“I can live with that.”</p><p>“We make such a great team.”</p><p>Rey thought she heard something sounding suspiciously like a high five take place, and she probably would have laughed at her friends if she wasn’t too busy trying not to stare at Ben’s mouth, and now that the spell was broken, found herself ashamed for what she had done. Her eyes now darted the fibers of the couch for a few moments, and then she was slowly turning back around, facing the living room once more.</p><p>Her eyes widened as the gravity of the situation hit her. Why the hell did she just do <em>that</em>? What even <em>possessed </em>her to? Who just…sits there and fondles their friend’s ear with absolutely no warning? Not to mention this is the same friend who is definitely going on dates with <em>other </em>people. Yeah, great job at acting <em>fine</em> around him.</p><p>Rey’s flight risk tendencies were coming out in droves as she felt herself stand up and escape to the bathroom without as much of a second thought.</p><p>She again was staring at her reflection, disdainfully this time.</p><p>“You are such an <em>idiot</em>! Goddammit, why are you like this? Why can’t you <em>ever </em>control yourself around him?” She whisper yelled at herself.</p><p>Rey knew that her sudden comfortability with touching Ben without permission had to do with the whiskey, which was not her friend right now. It was making her act like an idiot. Well, <em>more </em>of an idiot than usual.</p><p>She couldn’t shake the entire scene from her mind, playing it over and over in her head, emotions and urges she felt during included. What if she hadn’t been interrupted? Would she have just…leaned over and started making out with his ear, only to find an <em>extremely </em>befuddled Ben at the other side of it?</p><p><em>Oh</em>, his hair that falls into his eyes. His skin that she knows she would never want to stop touching with hers. Why? <em>Why </em>did the world have to be so cruel and put this man, so beautiful and the inside and out in front of her like this just to <em>taunt </em>her?</p><p>She sighed. At least Ben didn’t <em>seem </em>completely horrified. He had even…smiled at her. The remembrance of that smile went straight to her poor excuse for a heart and her unused vagina. Ben was a happy drunk, though, and he had definitely been drinking too. He was probably really discombobulated and just let her do her thing. What was he going to do, really? Recoil from her and shout ‘Ew get <em>off </em>me!?’ That just didn’t seem like Ben to her.</p><p>Okay, maybe this could be salvageable if she went out there, sat on a couch like a normal person, and pretended like this never happened.</p><p>There was a soft knock on the door. For a couple of terrifying seconds Rey thought it might be Ben, but upon a second stream in logic she figured it was Rose or Finn, “Yes?”</p><p>“Hey,” Rose’s voice said from the other side of the door, “can I come in?”</p><p>Rey opened the door immediately and shut it behind her, turning to Rose.</p><p>“Everything okay? You seemed to be upset when you left all quick-it-t-do like that.”</p><p>Rey almost wanted to laugh after blinking a couple of times because Rose always spoke in the cutest manner when she had been drinking, but instead she decided to evaluate how she was feeling, “I-I’m okay,” she stumbled against the counter, “I’ve been better.”</p><p>“Yes—um, what was that little caressing fest on the couch there? That something you two normally do?”</p><p>Rey grunted, burying her face in her hands, “Ugh, no! I have <em>no </em>idea what that was or what made me want to…get all up in his ear, but I was just looking at him after we were laughing about how adorable you and Finn were being and I don’t know, his hair was in his eyes and I wanted to push it back, so next thing I know I’m—” Rey finished the sentiment with mimicking the actions she just performed with her hand in the air and then shrugged violently with her arms.</p><p>Rose put her hands on her hips, “It’s like you couldn’t help yourself because you want to bang the shit out of him or something.”</p><p>“Rose!” Rey yelled desperately.</p><p>Rose giggled and shook her head, “Okay, what did he do after you so gently brushed his hair aside?”</p><p>“He just…like smiled at me.”</p><p>“What kind of smile?”</p><p>Rey thought for a moment, not really being able to put the sentiment into words, “Like…a really nice one? Completely disarming and nice?”</p><p>Rose was giggling again, “Did you tell him he looked sexy with his hair pushed back?”</p><p>Shoving her best friend after her well-placed <em>Mean Girls </em>quote, she grunted again, “What am I going to do?”</p><p>Rose sighed and put her hands on her shoulders, “I think the alcohol is making you a little more upset than you need to be. It’s not that big of a deal, <em>especially </em>because you’ve been drinking. If you hadn’t been, I am sure you wouldn’t have even done something like that.”</p><p>“<em>That’s</em> the truth.” Rey scoffed.</p><p>“And besides,” Rose started, dropping her hands, “I am kind of <em>relieved </em>the alcohol loosened you up. Up until that point it looked like you were constipated sitting there next to him on the couch.”</p><p>Okay, why was she giving off such a constipated vibe when she was uncomfortable around Ben? That was <em>extremely </em>concerning. Rey just sighed deeply in response.</p><p>Rosed giggled, “It was just a cute little sign of affection. You know, like when you punch people, but a lot gentler.”</p><p>Rey hated that she wanted to punch her for saying that, but she resisted it and sighed, “I guess you’re right.”</p><p>Smiling, Rose tilted her head, “What did we establish earlier? I’m <em>always </em>right. I’m a Capricorn and we know best, always.”</p><p>She smiled back at her best friend, “Yes, I know,” she leaned in and hugged her tightly, “thank you. You helped me calm down quite a bit, actually.”</p><p>Rey pulled away from her and she nodded, “Good. You do have the tendency to be quite the drama queen.”</p><p>Shoving Rose a bit, she couldn’t even really deny it. She could have just been like a normal person and chalked it up to drunken affection, but no, she had to make it a <em>whole</em> scene.</p><p>The girls exited the bathroom, and Rey reflected on how she wanted to make this into a more casual encounter the more she deliberated on it. However, when she and Rose came around the corner, Ben was no longer on the couch or anywhere to be seen. Immediate panic rose inside of her, and her eyes whipped over to Finn.</p><p>“Where did Ben go?” Rey asked, not caring how desperate she sounded.</p><p>Finn looked to her and Rose, almost seeming unbothered, which is the complete opposite of how she currently felt, “Oh, he said he got a call and had to go because it was an emergency or something.”</p><p>“And you just let him go?!” Rey shouted frantically at him.</p><p>He furrowed his eyebrows at her, “Well, what was I supposed to do Rey? He said he had an emergency and I have to be like um, no?”</p><p>Before Rey could respond with another frenzied retort, Rose put a hand on her arm, which silenced her.</p><p>“He had been drinking…he didn’t say he was going to <em>drive </em>in that state did he?” Rose asked, which was a much more considerate thought then what was presently going through Rey’s head.</p><p>“He said he was going to take an Uber.” Finn answered.</p><p>Rey let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Well at least he wasn’t being <em>that </em>much of an idiot. She went to collapse on the couch and buried her face in her hands.</p><p>“Oh Peanut, what’s wrong?” Finn asked.</p><p>Tears stung her eyes, “I feel like I just completely freaked him out.”</p><p>Rose sat down next to her and put her arm around her, “Oh, honey, no. You can’t just assume that.”</p><p>Rey gave her an incredulous expression, “Really? I get all up in his personal space and manhandle his ear, and then he just up and leaves immediately afterwards for some <em>other </em>reason?”</p><p>As the situation seeped into her bones, another, even more deleterious thought fell into her foreboding mind, “Oh my god, he probably went to go hook up with some Tinder bitch or something.”</p><p>“<em>Rey</em>, stop it. You don’t know that,” Rose insisted, “you’re only going to make yourself more upset if you start thinking like that, and then she looked to Finn, “he really didn’t say where he was going?”</p><p>Finn shook his head, “I’m sorry, no. I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal.”</p><p>Rey started breaking down completely, “It <em>shouldn’t </em>be, it really shouldn’t! He’s just—I just…” she let out a strangled breath, holding a hand to her chest, “holy shit I feel like I am losing him.”</p><p>“What? Rey, no! You’re just jumping waaay to conclusions because you’re a little drunk and you’re upset.” Rose tried to reassure her, but unfortunately she was already way too far gone to be comforted.</p><p>“I should have known this was going to happen,” Rey said, struggling for breath over her sobs, “I should have known this was too good to be true. Meeting him, becoming friends, everything! And now he’s going to get a girlfriend and forget all about me!”</p><p>“Rey—” Rose started, but then Finn came over and sat on the other side of her, his hands making her meet his eyes.</p><p>“Rey, you need to stop this <em>right</em> now. You’re not losing Ben because no matter what, I <em>know </em>he cares about you.” Finn stated determinedly, his expression extremely serious.</p><p>“R-really?” Rey asked like she was a blubbering child.</p><p>Finn nodded and Rose embraced her harder, “Yes, he truly does,” he said, attempting a smile at her, “and you know what? Fine, he has been on a few dates with other girls, and he’ll probably will go on a few more…but do you think for one second that <em>any</em> of them are going to matter him as much as <em>you</em> do? Do you think that any of them will have the same connection that he has with you?”</p><p>She sniffled, so Rose got up quickly and told her that she was going to go get some tissues for her, “I-I don’t know. Maybe. There’s no way we’d know for sure.”</p><p>He sighed and took her hand while Rose returned in seconds, and offered Rey several to wipe her face, which she did gratefully.</p><p>“I guess there’s not Peanut, but I somehow, truly and wholeheartedly doubt it.” Finn claimed, squeezing her hand before he let go.</p><p>Rey sucked in a ragged breath, and buried her face in her hands again, “I just—I…I care about him so much. And I didn’t <em>want </em>to! I didn’t want to and this is exactly <em>why</em>!”</p><p>Rose leaned her head on her shoulder, “I know Rey. I know you do, and I only hope that one day you won’t be so afraid to know what that means.”</p><p>She was breathing rapidly now, and she leaned back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling and the tears were in her eyes again when she thought about his smile, how his hair framed his face, the moles above his left eyebrow, how his laughter always made her start to bust up in return, and she couldn’t help but cry even more.</p><p>For a while, Rose and Finn just sat there and embraced her, letting her tears stream continually down her face. When this whole Tinder bullshit had started, she was angry because she didn’t want to face what it meant, and that was possibly losing Ben. When he was just B, it was so much easier to compartmentalize her feelings on the matter because she just didn’t know. She didn’t <em>know </em>that she was going to grow so attached to him, so used to his presence in her apartment as he chopped vegetables or tried to distract her when she was beating him at <em>Street Fighter</em>. No, she didn’t want to face what any of that meant because if he found someone else, would he still cook her dinner? Would he still sit across the street with her late at night at their own respective dinner tables? Would he still want to be in her life like he was now?</p><p>Would he want to know how she felt every time she saw him walk through his front door?</p><p>Rey didn’t realize that Finn had picked her up and was carrying her to the guest bedroom until they were nearly there, and she felt a round of hiccups come on, probably from a combination of crying and drinking.</p><p>“I’m sorry—<em>hic</em>.” She attempted to apologize.</p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry,” Finn said, laying her down on the bed. Rose was behind him, and they both pulled back the covers for her. Rose said she was going to get her clothes for her to change into, and Finn leaned down and kissed her on the forehead, “I think you just need to get some rest, okay?”</p><p>She nodded, hiccupping again, “I’m—”</p><p>“<em>Don’t </em>say you’re sorry! What did I <em>just</em> say?” Finn teased, and she actually was able to smile at his words.</p><p>But really, him saying that honestly just made her want to say it all over again, but Rose came in with spare clothes and a glass of water, and Finn left them, bidding her goodnight before Rose helped her change. After they had finished, Rose tucked her in and leaned down, pushing her hair off of her face, “You’re going to be alright Rey.”</p><p>She nodded at her, hiccupping, because she really didn’t have the energy to protest her at this point. Rose smiled at Rey and leaned down to hug her, telling her to get some sleep, and then she was turning off the light before Rey had any sort of comprehension of what was going on around her at the moment because she felt like she was drowning under the expanse of her emotions and the possibility of losing someone who had grown to be so important to her.</p><p>Rey laid there for an exorbitant of time while she tried to quell her hiccups, resolutely not thinking about Ben and his moles, drinking at the water Rose brought her and unsuccessfully abating them. She sighed as it happened to her again, and she grunted, at least just wanting some peace while she attempted to go to sleep. That didn’t seem to be happening at all.</p><p>In all honesty, she was being a fool, thinking that she would be able to ruminate on anything but Ben. There were still tears running down her face, but it was not as hysterical as they were before, merely a near constant stream as she thought about how he had made the effort to name all of her plants, how he had started to stalk her favorite brand of tea at his apartment, and how he waited for her the last night they had Taco Tuesday. All of those things felt far off in her mind now. Perhaps now that was supposed to be a different Rey and Ben, ones that seemed to depend on each other in order not to be lonely before both of them moved on to other things. Was that what they were destined to be for one another after all?</p><p>Rey still felt an open sob escape her still when the dark thought of Ben being with another girl right at this current time cogitated over and over in her mind. His lips on her skin, his laughter in her ears, his body over hers as he entered her made Rey physically hurt. Her chest felt like it was closing in on itself as she gasped for air. It took a few rounds of deep breaths to calm herself down and push those horrendous cognitions away from her because Finn and Rose were right, even if it was true, it wasn’t going to do her any good to dwell on it.</p><p>She felt like all the time she had spent with him was somehow all too much and then never enough. Now Rey only hoped that he would still be in her life, even if it was going to be different. Rey deliberated over Finn’s words, or whatever words she could remember him saying. She was still a little drunk and she had been sobbing through a lot of it. He had said none of the other girls would mean as much as she did.</p><p>Rey wrestled over the validity of this statement as sleep finally claimed her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WOoOOOAaaHhHh YoU GuUYSs!</p><p>Damn, you really don't know how much Ear Caress™ 2020 has RUINED my life over the last couple of weeks while writing this. DAAMMMNN our lil ol' Rey just could NOT help herself while gazing at our resident sasquatch, now COULD she? Can you blame the girl? 👁️👄👁️👉👉👉👂👂👂</p><p>What are we going to do about these dumb dumbs!?</p><p>And yes, I totally had these pictures in mind when I was describing Poe's profile pictures lol: <a href="https://dlisted.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/adamdriveroscarisaacstarwars2015-500x589.jpg">here</a> and <a href="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e3/98/a3/e398a39265bdcf39f5d48fcec44df0cb.jpg">here</a>! </p><p>Also, Finn's quips over his shortness were lines straight up stolen from MY favorite short kings on this earth, TMG's "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqIzIkJbvq8">Short Kings Anthem</a>," and if you follow me on tumblr, you have probably seen how much I love those two idiots. Go and check it out and play it for your fav short king out there to spread the short king appreciation! Lol I am just imagining it being Finn's ring tone now.</p><p>Well anyway, I want to give all of my appreciation to guys for how much support I got in the comments over adding in this plotline. If I haven't explicitly said it, I will now: this WILL be a HEA. I mean, duh. I would never want to put you guys through all this without one! I couldn't ask for better, more supportive readers. Of course, I will try to post by next week. Not completely done with the next chapter, but have it mapped out for sure, and like 65% written. Thank you so much as always!</p><p>Also...for <a href="https://cdn.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/COsYMqdsKujVYoUfc_5tAhgOKE4=/0x0:3104x2066/1200x800/filters:focal(1304x785:1800x1281)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/59895589/usa_today_9782481.0.jpg">science</a>.</p><p>If you're not busy, plz come look at my ridiculous <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ME?? An overindulgent HO? ABSOLUTELY. Lol so I am going to have to give you some homework (I'm sorry, I know! UGH I'm the WURST), and go allllll the way back to chapter 1 to see what I added in there. It's in the middle, and it will take like 2 seconds I swear and then go read the author's note...because UM...I just couldn't help myself and I regret not having it in there this entire time. Thank you for giving into my ridiculous impulses, it's much appreciated. (NOTE: this wouldn't be for new readers...y'all are fine lol).</p><p>Prepare yourself for a real THICC, Ben Solo of a chapter lol...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had taken her over half an hour to park around the godforsaken block because sometimes in LA there was just the <em>riiight </em>street that espoused an entire novel on its signs that displayed the parking regulations, and Rey swore it took a college degree to deifier whether it was legal for her to park here or not; she should have just taken an Uber when she looked the place up, seeing that it was off Santa Monia Blvd, but she took the chance, and now was deeply regretting it as she barely wedged between these two cars, and she had <em>lightly </em>tapped the one in front of her, but since she was going about 0.0000001 miles an hour, she thought there probably wouldn’t be any damage to it. That didn’t stop her from checking when she got out of her car, and sure enough, there wasn’t.</p><p>She got to hiking up the street as she had to park a little far away, which wasn’t <em>too </em>bad considering how close this was to West Hollywood’s night life, though she wasn’t sure how much people were living it up on a Wednesday night, but with weho, you never know. She had definitely been to Los Angeles’ gay district at odd times like this, and people still seemed to want to party whether or not the next day was a typical work day or not.</p><p>Tonight’s prospect was named Peter, and he was perfectly decent looking and hadn’t asked her to show him her tits or sent an unsolicited dick pic, so she figured he might be a decent guy. Her standards were extremely low, incidentally.</p><p>Peter had suggested this place, and she had heard of it before and knew it was near this other restaurant that she and Ben had been to quite a few times because it had an amazing Taco Tuesday night special, which she was adamantly <em>not </em>thinking about as she adjusted her purse on her shoulder and approached the modern looking restaurant that actually did look quite aesthetically interesting with these elaborate light fixtures hanging from the ceiling and clean looking architecture.</p><p> She checked her phone and saw that she was running a few minutes late, <em>damn parking</em>. She walked inside and asked if anyone named Peter had come by for their reservation, and they informed her he hadn’t. Her first arbitrary inference of the situation is that she was being stood up, and fear crept into her heart because she had already driven <em>all the way here </em>and had to deal with <em>parking</em>, but she had to breathe in and tell herself that it was only a few minutes, especially considering that she herself had just rolled up.</p><p>Rey stepped outside and took in a breath, closing her eyes. What was she doing here? Why was she doing this, <em>really</em>? She really wasn’t so sure anymore. Now retaliating against Ben just seemed immature, especially given her breakdown after the whole ear caressing incident, which she was also resolutely ignoring because the whole thing was honestly still a little hazy in her brain. If she were being honest with herself, she was still angry about the whole situation, and now she also knew this rage was coming from her fear of losing Ben, which now just made her all the more irate. Because really, she just genuinely didn’t know what she was supposed to do at this point. Just, watch Ben get another girlfriend while she waved at them from her window next to Rebecca and Sadie? He had probably had them just <em>lining </em>out the door and the thought made her want to—</p><p>“Rey?” A voice asked her. She looked up and saw that it was who she recognized to be Peter. He was just a smidgen taller than her, though she was wearing heeled boots, with dark red hair. He was smiling at her with questioning blue eyes.</p><p>She blinked a couple of times and shook her head. Now was the time to not be thinking about how much her neighbor might be getting his dick wet in the near future and focus on the man in front of her, “Yes, hi, sorry! I was totally spacing out there. I am Rey, I am she, yes that is me.”</p><p>Did she really just unintentionally rhyme right now?</p><p>Peter continued to smile anyway, “Okay thank goodness. I thought you looked like the right girl, but then you weren’t responding, so I wasn’t sure if I was just being a total creeper out here.”</p><p>Rey actually laughed, “No, you’re fine.”</p><p>He held out his hand to her, “Well, that is a relief. I’m Peter, and I hope that you weren’t waiting out here for long. Parking was just a nightmare.”</p><p>Rey nodded and took his hand to shake it, “Yup, that was me too. I was only out here for a couple of minutes.”</p><p>“Well, I am relieved yet again,” Peter said, holding up his arm for her to lead her inside, “shall we?”</p><p>They were seated at their table, and Rey had ordered one of the interesting looking cocktails that looked fruity and fun, and Peter had ordered a scotch and soda. Rey began to scan her menu after she had checked her phone and had decidedly ignored a text from Finn who wished her all the best on her date.</p><p>Rey hadn’t really noticed how long she was scanning her choices for until Peter had said something to her, and she had to look up at him, not even knowing what he had uttered.</p><p>“I’m sorry, what did you say?”</p><p>He smirked at her, “I asked what was the typical way to start a conversation on these things.”</p><p>Rey actually smiled at that and laced her fingers together in front of her, “Well <em>that </em>was quite the start.”</p><p>Peter’s mouth tightened into a line, and he looked down at the table, “Yeah, I suppose that wasn’t the smoothest way.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m not really one to judge. Do you want to start with the basics like…oh, what do <em>you </em>do for a living? Or jump right into…I don’t know…your mother’s maiden name is or something.” Rey commented, eyes casting down to her menu yet again.</p><p>He chuckled, “Well now that just makes me feel like you are trying to steal my identity or something.”</p><p>Rey shrugged, “That could just be a bonus on top of the free dinner.”</p><p>Peter gave a slight grin, “Okay…hm…not entirely sure whether or not you are joking, so I am just going to go along with it.”</p><p>She found herself looking up at him again and raising her menu up to herself, “I’m kidding, of course.”</p><p>He nodded, “Right. Yeah, that makes sense. Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been on one of these things.”</p><p>Rey leaned on her hand, “It’s been a while for me too, actually. I…recently became more motivated to put myself out there I guess.”</p><p>“Ah,” Peter said, “recent breakup?”</p><p>The instant recoil she had was something that could not be helped and she looked back down at her menu again, “No. Actually. It’s been quite sometime since I’ve been in one.”</p><p>Peter cleared his throat, “Um okay, wow. Did <em>not </em>mean to go there; I am so sorry. I have no idea why I said that. That is <em>definitely </em>not a first date topic.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes met his, and she could see the strain in them, and actually felt a little bad for him, “No, it’s okay. I have most certainly been one to suffer from word vomit, <em>trust </em>me.”</p><p>He sighed, and it seemed like one of a reprieve, “You’re really one to calm people down, aren’t you?”</p><p>Rey actually laughed out loud at his comment, and he appeared to be perplexed, “I am sorry. Just, no. I don’t think I have ever been described in that way. If anything, it is <em>quite </em>the opposite.”</p><p>“Hm,” Peter hummed, looking like he was contemplating her words, “well…let’s just start over then. What <em>do </em>you do for a living?”</p><p>The waiter came over and asked them if they had decided what they wanted, and Rey told him that she would have the shrimp scampi, and Peter ordered the t-bone steak. He nodded at them and told them that he would put those orders in straight away, striding away with their menus.</p><p>They looked at each other again, and it took a second for Rey to remember what he had asked her, “Oh! Right, I am a mechanical engineer.”</p><p>He was drinking from his scotch and soda, and then furrowed his eyebrows at her, “Wow. That is impressive.”</p><p>She smiled uncomfortably, “Um, thanks?”</p><p>“No, no,” he said, “it’s just that…I wouldn’t peg you as one, that’s all.”</p><p>Rey tilted her head at him, “Why not?”</p><p>“Let’s just say…I give you props for going in a male dominated field.”</p><p>She lifted her drink, “Well, you’re certainly right about that. Cannot tell you how many ‘honey let me handle that’s I got in grad school…so what do you do?”</p><p>He smiled, “I am an author.”</p><p>Rey snorted, completely unintentionally, and again, he seemed befuddled, “No, oh my god I am so sorry. I just…earlier year saw a guy briefly who wrote greeting cards.”</p><p>Peter sat there for a minute, then seemed even more confused, “Really?”</p><p>Okay, ‘briefly saw’ was a bit of a stretch, but it is not as if she were going to divulge Peter with the details of her most recent one-night stand.</p><p>She nodded, “Swear to god.”</p><p>Then he laughed, “Okay, unfortunately, I am not in that sort of illustrious branch of writing. I mostly stick to fiction.”</p><p>“What kind of fiction do you write?”</p><p>“Mostly historical right now. My dad was a marine, and I just kind of grew up in that environment.”</p><p>Rey confirmed to him that she thought that was pretty interesting, and then they settled into a seamlessly amicable conversation until their food arrived. They stuck to typical topics, where they grew up, Rey certainly keeping her backstory as vague as possible as he told her he was Pennsylvania originally, and moved here of course to try and find himself a publisher. Everything seemed fine as they ate until Rey really began to scan his face, which was perfectly handsome, but then she noticed that Peter happened to have a mole above one of his eyebrows. It was small, almost unnoticeable if you weren’t directly looking at it, but now she felt like it was glaring at her as her mind flooded with images of Ben. She grasped tightly at the fork in her hand, and firmly tried to disregard all thoughts of him and all of the magnificent beauty marks that speckled his skin. His face, his lips, his hair, all suddenly overtook her, and she had to concentrate deeply on what Peter was asking her as she kept her gaze away from that mole after they got their food.</p><p>“So what do your hobbies include, besides engineering?”</p><p>She breathed in and thought she was such a hopeless idiot for not being able resist musing about her dumb neighbor while she was on a date with another person, “Oh uh, yeah. Jobs pretty demanding, so I usually you know, just like watching Netflix like every other person on this Earth, or settling down with a nice video game or two. I also have like a buttload of plants I like to take care of.” <em>Who were all named by a large </em>dumbass…<em>stop thinking about Ben. </em>Please <em>for the love of god please stop thinking about that fucking behemoth—</em></p><p>“<em>You</em> like video games?” Peter asked with genuine surprise.</p><p>It threw Rey off again, his shock at what was just a part of her normal life, “Um, yes?”</p><p>He took a swig of his drink, “I am sorry, you just—”</p><p>“Don’t seem like the type?” She asked, crossing her arms.</p><p>“No, god. Sorry, it’s…just, you’re kind of intimidating Rey.”</p><p>She questioned how many surprising statements would come out of this guy’s mouth, “What?”</p><p>He held up his hand, “It’s just that, you’re clearly intelligent and educated, you’re quite funny, you’re very pretty, <em>and </em>you like video games? I am sorry. I feel like, well you’re just really well rounded and most men probably wouldn’t even know how to approach you.”</p><p>Rey say back in her seat, furrowing her eyebrows, “Huh.”</p><p>“Did you…not realize this?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“Oh, well. You’re humble too.”</p><p>Rey laughed, shaking her head, “I’m just…myself.”</p><p>He smiled, and it was actually kind of charming, “I am just trying to tell you that you’ve got a lot going for you.”</p><p>“No, no. trust me. I…” Rey paused, trying to think of something completely disarming, “I’m really not intimidating…I once cut my hair into a mullet once in middle school on accident, and then just kind of went with the look for a while to pretend it was on purpose.”</p><p>Peter’s face formed into a grimace, “Really?” He chuckled a bit, “that’s a choice. Probably not the best way to bring back a dead 1980s fad.”</p><p>Rey smiled, unable to help herself, “Well, I <em>was </em>recently Rickrolled, so I’m not the only one.”</p><p>“Rickrolled?” He asked, seeming openly lost.</p><p>“You remember from like ten years ago that meme when people would like troll you with ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’ by Rick Astley out of nowhere.”</p><p>Peter rolled his eyes, “<em>Oh</em>, right,” he frowned, “I remember. That was so annoying when people did that. And someone seriously did that to you <em>recently</em>? That must have been frustrating. Like, even back then it wasn’t that funny.”</p><p>Rey smirked slightly down at the rest of her uneaten pasta, “Yeah…he’s…real annoying. To say the least.”</p><p>“I would imagine so. Hope you don’t spend a lot of time with that person.” Peter said rather lightly, almost as if it were supposed to be a joke as her eyes ventured to that mole she wasn’t supposed to be looking at.</p><p>“No, I—I really don’t,” she lied, and she shook her head, “can I by chance ask you your opinion on jazz?”</p><p>Peter’s face looked so confused it was almost funny, “Um, it’s fine I guess. Don’t really have that strong of an opinion on it. Why do you ask?” He chortled, “Is this some quirky way you filter your dates?”</p><p>Rey bit her lip, “I guess you could say that.”</p><p>“Well, did I answer it correctly?”</p><p>Sighing, she met his eyes again after ripping it away from that mole, now having a complete understanding of what she was doing, “Yeah, sure Peter. You did.”</p><p>He nodded at her, his mouth having turned into a downwards contented motion, “Well, good…so,” he started, “what kind of video games do you like? And what console do you play?”</p><p>She instantly groaned, “Ohhh, don’t even get me <em>started </em>on that! Please don’t tell me you’re one of <em>those </em>people.”</p><p>It turned out Peter was someone who owned an Xbox, but wasn’t as snooty about it when he heard Rey gamed on a PlayStation, stating he was just pleased that she played anything at all, which she wasn’t sure if that had to do with him trying to get into her pants or not.</p><p>They were talking about <em>Red Dead Redemption II</em>, and Rey was explaining to Peter about how she had marathoned the game for over three days straight when she had first gotten it, and she smiled, laughing at herself, “But you know, Arthur Morgan is pretty much my whole life, so…<em>worth it</em>.”</p><p>Peter looked to her, shaking his head and then he leaned on his hand, “I just can’t believe a woman like you exists.”</p><p>It had been a while since she had been crossed with this sort of gesture, and honestly it was flattering for about two seconds until it just grew to be irritating. Honestly, why did it matter if she liked video games or any other nerdy trend? The fact that it was such a marvel to so many heterosexual men was something she would never understand, just like the football thing with Rose. As the date went on, they still kept up a fine, steady conversation. She sincerely laughed a few times at anecdotes or comments he would make, and found that Peter did seem like a sufficiently fine gentleman. He said and did all of the right things, despite the semi awkward start. Peter shared a lot of her opinions on various topics, and said that he would also never be able to quite kick his ramen addiction too. He was charming in his own way, cute with his unique hair color, very agreeable with her, and Rey really thought that she could see herself going on another date with him as he paid for the bill, and then offered to walk her to her car. She found herself giggling at the observations he made as a non-native Californian about traffic and the heat, and she stated that that is pretty much all that is out here, so get used to it.</p><p>Yes, Peter could work. And as he kissed her cheek, he expressed his hope to see her again. Rey knew that she should.</p><p>If it weren’t for one thing.</p><p>She started her car and began to drive home knowing that she was still thinking about Ben the entire time. Rey recognized all she was doing was comparing Peter to Ben, which was not fair, but she couldn’t help herself, despite her antagonism towards Ben at the moment.</p><p>How Ben wouldn’t be so complicit about her opinions on this and that. How Ben wouldn’t scoff at immature tendencies of hers. How Ben hadn’t put her on this ridiculous pedestal that all other men had when they find out about her about her profession and interests. How he had always just treated her like—</p><p>A human being.</p><p>A dry sob escaped her mouth as she realized that after everything, everything that she had ever been through in her entire life, that was truly, all she ever wanted in order to not feel so alone.</p><p>And now in all of this, she was angry with him again because how could he do this to her? How could a man be so perfectly designed for her in every way, but she wasn’t allowed to have him? She ruminated on this the entire way home. As she was driving down the freeway, she was thinking about his moles again. As she was parking, she was thinking about his soothing voice. As she was riding up her elevator, she thought about how one time he had made her laugh so hard that he made her fall off the couch, only for them to both laugh harder after she had.</p><p>As she walked in her door, she was just thinking about everything that made Ben who he was, and she found herself balling her hands into fists, staring into his empty apartment, and that rage enraptured her again. She stomped over to her window.</p><p>“<em>Why</em>?! Why do you get to do this to me?! I am trying—” she yelled as she sank down to the floor, “I am <em>trying </em>to move on, and you’ve made it <em>impossible</em>.”</p><p>How was she to date someone else when he had that devastating smile? How was she supposed to find happiness with anyone else when he felt like—</p><p>Ben walked through his door, hanging his keys on the hook next to it and immediately greeted R2 who had run to him. And as she watched him, luckily being obstructed perfectly by Patricia, she found she hated him so much for making her smile right then. And Rey knew what it meant.</p><p>—he felt like coming home.</p><p>And then just after that thought passed through her senses, she breathed in as deeply as she could and let it out. Rey felt like after all she endured, perhaps not having him was what she deserved. Because really, how could a man like Ben ever want someone like her? A lonely, hot mess that was so entirely jaded that she could never allow herself to let him in all the way, to be vulnerable and soft. That was what <em>he </em>deserved, and she wouldn’t be able to provide that for him. And she knew that is what she desired for him, more than she even wanted him, and that was saying something because that was a <em>lot</em>.</p><p>She traveled to her couch in the dark and fell back on it. All that was flooding her head was that statement again and again.</p><p>Rey looked over her couch to see that he was sitting on his, doing something on his phone. Her next few movements felt like a reflex to her as she pulled out hers because she realized that she wanted to hear his voice so, <em>so </em>overwhelmingly in that moment.</p><p>She watched him answer it immediately and turn in the direction of her apartment.</p><p>“Rey? Everything okay?” He asked her urgently.</p><p>She smiled at his earnestness and felt so reassured after feeling like she hadn’t heard those wonderful baritones in so long, “No.”</p><p>“What’s wrong?” He asked in a tone that had a hint of seriousness in it.</p><p>“Well, you see,” she sighed, “I was wondering…if you would still talk to me if I cut my hair into a mullet.”</p><p>The smile he bore after her statement was so wide that she saw it from her apartment, “Well, duh. How <em>else </em>should Reymond wear her hair?”</p><p>She laid back down on her couch after she saw him do the same on his, “Would you still talk to me if I told you that is something I actually did in middle school?”</p><p>His bark of laughter made her heart warm, “<em>What</em>? No you didn’t!”</p><p>Rey nodded vigorously despite the fact that he couldn’t even see her, “I did! There was no one else around to cut it, so I did it myself, and it just kind of…happened, and then next thing I know I am trying to pull it off as a cool, purposeful thing.”</p><p>Ben laughed again, and she pictured him holding his hand over her face, “Oh my god Rey you’re such a fucking dumbass, I cannot.”</p><p>“It was a <em>lewk</em>!” She defended between giggles.</p><p>“I love it. You’ve really got to pair it with your constipation lewk.”</p><p>“Only if you pair your chipmunk lewk with Rick Astley’s 1980s hair…and better throw in the outfit from the music video too.”</p><p>She heard him exhale, “Deal.”</p><p>Rey felt giddy, and turned over on her side, honestly not even caring anymore that they had just both come from being on dates with other people because she got to lie here and have this ridiculous conversation with him, “So, Mr. Astley, how was your date tonight?”</p><p>He chuckled a bit, “It was fine. I’ve been out with her a couple of times. She’s really nice.”</p><p>Rey blushed, happy that he couldn’t currently see her, “Well, tell me about her.”</p><p>“Hm,” he hummed, “well, I don’t know, she kind of hit me with a red flag tonight.”</p><p>Rey took in a breath, “Oh?”</p><p>“Yeahhh,” he sighed, “she…told me she doesn’t like dogs.”</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>…shit.”</p><p>“Yup.”</p><p>“And you told her about R2?”</p><p>“Of course I did.”</p><p>“And what did she say?”</p><p>“She said she would have to see him, like maybe he wouldn’t be like the <em>other</em> dogs,” he laughed, “as if he wasn’t already the best good boy on the planet.”</p><p>“Psssh.” Rey concluded, then laughed along with him. His affection for his dog <em>was </em>always one of the most endearing things about him. This girl clearly didn’t know what she was missing out on.</p><p>“How did your date go?” Ben asked her, which completely shocked her because she never even let him know what she was doing.</p><p>“I—”</p><p>“Finn told me.”</p><p>She grunted, “Of course he did,” Rey lamented as she pinched the bridge of her nose much like how Rose did when she was frustrated, “well, he seems nice too, but…I don’t know about him either…”</p><p>“Why do you say that?” He asked with a light chuckle.</p><p>“I meannnn,” she exaggerated, “he didn’t even have a strong opinion about jazz, so…”</p><p>“Well damn, what a garbage human being.”</p><p>“God, I know!” She agreed and they shared another lovely merriment together and everything seemed okay for the first time in weeks.</p><p>“Hey, Ben?” Rey asked after the laughter died down.</p><p>“Yeees?” He exaggerated.</p><p>“Do you think—that I am intimidating?” She inquired as she contemplated Peter’s words, which she still hadn’t been able to shake this whole time.</p><p>Then Ben was laughing again, and it seemed like he wasn’t going to stop until she called out his name, “Ben! I am asking seriously!”</p><p>“Oh,” he got out between guffaws, “oh, okay <em>I’m sorry</em>…what? No, of course I don’t think that.”</p><p>His severe reaction now was really making her question what the actual truth was and how she truly came off to people, “I could be!”</p><p>“Rey, seriously,” he said in a pleading tone, “the first time I ever saw you in person, you spilled cupcakes all over me and promptly ran away. How am I supposed to think <em>that </em>is intimidating?”</p><p>“What?” Rey asked, “that sounds absolutely frightening!”</p><p>“Yes Rey, I am just in a constant state of terror when I am around you.” Ben stated in a completely sarcastic tone.</p><p>Rey scoffed, “Well, whatever you’re just prissy abandoned rich boy trash.”</p><p>“Unwashed group home miscreant.”</p><p>“Ear boy.”</p><p>“Skinny girl.”</p><p>And as they burst out into more laughter, Rey perpended once again what Finn had told her about the other girls. Well, at least she liked dogs.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>It was towards the end of their yoga class where Rose had started whispering to Rey, supposing that she was just bursting at the seams to ask Rey about the status of her date, “So how did it go with…Pete? That his name?”</p><p>Rey sighed, coming out of downward facing dog and going into child’s pose to cool down, “It’s Pete<em>r</em>, and it…actually went really well.”</p><p>Well, not like <em>life changing</em> or anything, but she kind of figured that he might grow on her. That <em>was </em>how affection works sometimes, isn’t it?</p><p>Rose whipped her head at her, and whispered yelled at her a little too loudly, “<em>Really</em>?”</p><p>Her question was a little too loud, which caused some other women around her to look back at them, and they both smiled at them apologetically.</p><p>Rey looked back to her, trying to be as quiet as possible, “Yes <em>really</em>. Why is that so hard to believe?”</p><p>She grunted and also got into child’s pose, “No, it’s not <em>that</em>…it’s—that’s great, Rey.”</p><p>They finished up the rest of the class without too many more glares, and Rey really should have anticipated that this wouldn’t be the end of it. They were gathering up their bags and rolling up their mats when Rose asked her another question about him, “So…are you going to tell me about him or what? Can I at least know a little bit about a guy you’re considering dating for once?”</p><p>Rey looked at her and swung her bag over her shoulder, “<em>Okay</em>…I deserve that. He’s really nice. Cute, dark red hair.” Rey took out her phone from her bag and pulled up his Instagram, handing it to Rose.</p><p>Rose took it and scanned through a few of his pictures, “Oh okay, he is cute. Got a nice smile.”</p><p>But not as nice as B—</p><p><em>Nope</em>, not going there.</p><p>“He does, doesn’t he?” Rey agreed, taking her phone back from Rose, “He’s an author. He grew up with his dad in the military, so he writes historical fiction. He is from Pennsylvania originally.”</p><p>Rose nodded, and they started to make their way out of the yoga studio, walking over to the coffee vendor that was near it, resting in this little outdoor area with benches. They ordered their drinks and sat at one of the tables next to it.</p><p>“Okay, nice boy from Pennsylvania, got cha. What else?” Rose inquired.</p><p>Rey smiled, leaning on her hand, “It was a little awkward at first, which I suppose a lot of first dates are…he was kind of stumbling over his words before we got into the groove of an actual conversation.”</p><p>Raising her eyebrows, Rose took a sip of her tea, “Hmm mm, what was so awkward about it?”</p><p>Shrugging, Rey held up her tea too, “I don’t know. I think it was like, first date jitters. He made some insert-foot-in-mouth comments about whether or not I was in a relationship recently,” <em>he also called me intimidating, which scares me</em>, “and then also he was like, super surprised that I play video games, which was a little annoying,” <em>he also thought Rickrolling was annoying and had no opinions on jazz</em>, “stuff like that.”</p><p>“Foot in mouth, huh? Maybe you two are meant to be,” Rose laughed, “but I am sorry it started out like that. I hate when men can’t handle completely normal activities like woman playing video games.”</p><p>Ben would <em>never</em>—</p><p>“Yeah, it is. But then we were able to pick things up and have a pretty good rest of the date. Turns out he is a lot sweeter when he is less nervous, I think. We ended up having a nice time.” Rey explained, holding both her hands around her cup.</p><p>“Alright, well, you going to see him again?” Rose asked, which was a question that did totally make sense to ask.</p><p>Rey thought about, <em>really </em>thought about it. They had been texting back and forth regularly since their date, and they kept up a fine rapport, and again, wasn’t this the whole point of downloading a dating app in the first place? Even if it was Tinder, “Yeah, yeah I think I am. He’s really sweet, and I think it could really work.”</p><p>Rose was on her phone by the time Rey had answered her, “Hello?”</p><p>The other woman looked up at her, putting her phone down on the table, “Sorry! I was listening. Just answering a text from Finn. Yes, so you’re going to see him again? When?”</p><p>Rey blinked at her a couple of times, “Um…I’m not really sure.”</p><p>“And you still haven’t told Ben about this?”</p><p>The mere mention of his stupid name made her smile, thinking of the conversation they had the other night after her date, “No.”</p><p>Rose balked at her, “What’s with <em>that</em> smile?”</p><p>Rey shook her head, “Oh, Ben and I just…are back on better terms now I think. I’m just relieved about it, that’s all.”</p><p>With narrowed eyes, Rose sat back with her tea, “Uh…huh.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, “Oh, don’t give me that Rose! You remember how upset I was before. And plus, you would be proud of me! I called<em> him</em>.”</p><p>Rose’s mouth actually dropped open, “Well I do <em>declare </em>Ms. Kenobi, a woman reaching out to a gentleman caller? What brought about <em>this </em>proclamation?”</p><p>Giggling, Rey actually snorted at Rose’s tease, “I just…got sick of <em>not </em>talking to him. <em>Not </em>feeling like I could, so the other night when we both had gotten home, I just…did it.”</p><p>“This wasn’t…after your date with Peter was it?” Rose asked with narrowed eyes.</p><p>Rey cleared her throat and drank her tea before speaking, “<em>Perhaps</em>.”</p><p>“Rey—”</p><p>“<em>What</em>?”</p><p>Rose thought she was going to yell at her, tell her she was being a dumbass, or whatever else merited the look on her face that she was currently giving her. And honestly Rey understood. She was just—being her ridiculous self again, talking to Ben about mullets, constipation lewks, and insulting each other in a childish manner like they typically did, but instead Rose’s face melted into a smile and she took in a short intake of breath, “Nothing.”</p><p>Rey tilted her head toward her, “Okay really, what?”</p><p>“No, nothing…I’m just glad you and Benny Boy made up, okay? I was starting to worry. What we do if our resident idiots broke up?”</p><p>Rey shoved her a bit, “I am not even touching that one.”</p><p>Rose snickered at her and Rey started to breathe easy.</p><p>“It really did feel okay. I even asked him how his date went and everything.”</p><p>At this, Rose’s eyes seemed like they were going to bulge out of their sockets, “Okay, now I know my dear Rey Kenobi did <em>not </em>actually ask one Ben Solo about his <em>dates</em>!”</p><p>Rey sighed and then even gave a small smirk, “I did.”</p><p>Rose reached over and squeezed her arm, “Rey I am really proud of you, seriously. That I know that probably wasn’t easy.”</p><p>For some reason, that thought hadn’t even occurred to her until now, “I mean, I guess it wasn’t. I don’t know. Yeah, it was weird, but I don’t know.”</p><p>A cute little smile formed on Rose’s face, “<em>I </em>think this shows you that Finn and I were right. I knew you guys would be fine, and that you guys mean more to each other than going on a few stupid dates.”</p><p>“You know, you don’t always have to gloat about it or rub it in.” Rey pointed out.</p><p>“Of course I do. How <em>else </em>will you learn?”</p><p>Rey stuck her tongue out at her and checked her phone. There was a text from Peter.</p><p>
  <strong>Well that’s not really fair to say. I feel like I definitely fall under the day walker category.</strong>
</p><p>They were having a conversation the night before about whether or not gingers had souls. Rey snorted, responding.</p><p>
  <strong>I’ll believe it when I see you in daylight, buddy.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Well I guess that means I’ll have to take you out again, during the day.</strong>
</p><p>“Damn,” Rey said, staring at her phone, “that was smooth.”</p><p>“What?” Rose questioned. Rey explained to her what happened.</p><p>“Hm,” she hummed, “alright Pete.”</p><p>Rey sighed and then laughed, thinking about how strange all of this was, but at this point, she was on good terms with Ben and this cute guy was being cute with her. Sure. Why not?</p><p>She was kind of wondering what it would like for another guy in her life to understand her relationship with Ben.</p><p>“Yeah, we’ll see about him.”</p><p>Rey put her phone down, deciding she would answer him later. Her and Rose started to talk about other things, this and that, and Rey started to think about what Ben would think of Peter. She had spent so long deliberating on what it would be like if Ben had a new woman in his life, that she hadn’t stopped to think about what it would be like from his perspective. Would it bother him? Would he avert his eyes like she did when he had his girlfriend over all that time ago? Would they still have Taco Tuesday? Would Peter understand their friendship?</p><p>And it’s like Ben’s ears were burning because he started to call her, and Rose looked to her screen too and saw him holding up Bebe in her window on it.</p><p>“Are you fucking kidding me Rey, <em>really</em>?” Rose scoffed.</p><p>“<em>What</em>?”</p><p>She chuckled, sipping her tea, “Nothing.”</p><p>Rey didn’t really know what to make of that, but she answered it anyway, “Yes Benjamin?”</p><p>“Yes Reymond?”</p><p>Rey laughed, “You called me.”</p><p>“Really, I could have sworn it was the other way around.”</p><p>She bit her lip, holding back a smirk, “What do you want?”</p><p>“I was wondering if you wanted some of this bread I just made.”</p><p>“Is that a serious question?”</p><p>“Um, yes?”</p><p>“You shouldn’t have to ask.”</p><p>He chuckled, “I’ll wrap some up for you.”</p><p>She checked the time, “This isn’t normal bread making hours for you. Is there something wrong?”</p><p>Rey knew the exact kind of smile he was baring, showcasing his dumb dimples, “I’ve decided to switch it up a little bit. See how the other side lives during the day.”</p><p>Rey sniggered, how ironic considering what she was just talking about with Peter, “I’ll believe this sudden shift in baking habits it when I see at regularly scheduled sunlight hours.”</p><p>“Reymond, a baker never reveals his secrets.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Rey decided that she <em>would </em>give Peter more of a shot because she figured it would be worth the effort to explore what he had to offer. So he showed her on a couple more dates. The next one after their first one consisted of him taking her to mini golf, which was during the day like he had promised. He told her about his two older and one younger brothers, and how one of them, Vince, had recently moved to Los Angeles too. Rey had always been pretty shit at mini gold if she was being honest, but she kind of just had fun not being very good and Peter laughing at her being way off. She started to really embrace it and say, “Oh yeah, you <em>wish </em>you hit a put <em>that </em>poorly.”</p><p>At one point, he was picking up her ball for her when she had <em>finally </em>hit it in the hole, and Rey was standing rather close to him as he stood up. She thought that he was going to kiss her, but instead, he presented her with her ball, “Your ball miss?”</p><p>With a smirk, she took it and as he walked away, she let go of the breath she was holding. Then she began to question whether or not she would have actually wanted him to.</p><p>Their next date was seeing a movie, which didn’t really warrant a lot of talking, she supposed, but afterwards, he bought her some Italian food under her suggestion, and she learned that he never really like being compared to all of his brothers because he was never really considered the ‘macho’ one. Rey sympathized with him, hating the implications of toxic masculinity that went along with that notion. When their food arrived, they somehow struck up a conversation about Mexican food, and Rey tried not to think about how that seemed like her and Ben’s ‘thing.’</p><p>“God, I fucking love Taco Bell. I would eat it every day if it wouldn’t kill me.” Peter said, forking into his lasagna.</p><p>“Oh, me too! I live down the street from like a 24 hour one and it is seriously a <em>problem</em>.” Rey agreed, smiling at him.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s the thing about LA, there are chain places like that <em>all </em>over the place. Where I am from in bum fuck Pennsylvania, there’s like <em>one </em>Burger King. And it is 20 miles away…no wonder California is one of the leading states in obesity.” Peter explained, which was a pretty novel concept to Rey, she had to admit. For the most part, safe for a few scattered memories from her early childhood in the UK, all she could remember was this city.</p><p>Rey snorted, “We also have very compliant taco vendors.”</p><p>He tiled his head at her, “What?”</p><p>She laughed, shaking her head, “Nothing.”</p><p>One thing she started to notice about Peter is that they did have a lot in common, and that he had a really laidback disposition, which was fine. And that’s what it was. Fine. He let her have the last of the bread. He told her that he thought she was like the perfect woman, that she seemed to do no wrong, no matter what she did or told him.</p><p>Rey hadn’t really been able to decipher what was missing from this perfectly fine conversation as she ate the rest of her spaghetti. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>She still hadn’t invited Peter back to her apartment.</p><p>Everything felt fine until it’s like Ben almost <em>knew </em>that she was trying to not stare at him as much, not sexualize him as much because for some reason, lately, he really seemed to be turning up his workouts in his tiny shorts and his equally tiny towels after he was done showering. Rey remembered all of this bullshit when he was just B, only now it was worse because now he would keep eye contact with her, he would wave as if he <em>weren’t</em> wearing a towel that probably also passed as a wash cloth.</p><p>Ben was always going to be Ben whether she liked it or not, so she was going to have to live with the fact that she had been and was still living across the street from a demi god.</p><p>One Friday evening, Rey was just starting to think about what she wanted to make for dinner after getting home from a particularly grueling day at work. Ben had been home before, and had even asked her how her day was when she got home, and she told him that Ackbar should really take her to dinner before he worked her over like he had the entire week. She saw him chuckle into his phone and responded with a ‘He seems like the type to smoke a cigarette afterwards and never call you again.’ Rey laughed openly at his text.</p><p>That, however, was a couple of hours ago, and he had stepped out, to which she assumed he was walking R2, but the length at which he was gone made her question where he went off to. Perhaps he had gone and decided to bang that girl at the dog park after all. Just before she could convince herself that she wasn’t upset about that, she looked at her phone and saw that Peter had texted her.</p><p>
  <strong>I am a pretty worthy opponent at Mario Kart. I was the envy of all my brothers in my household. There were whispers and rumors of my greatness throughout the land.</strong>
</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, smiling to her phone.</p><p>
  <strong>Well, that was in middle of nowhere Pennsylvania, so like big fish in a little pond I’m thinking.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You say that now.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I certainly am.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I would love for you to put your money where your mouth is.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Fine, come over and I’ll show you how wrong you are.</strong>
</p><p>Rey put her phone down on her kitchen counter immediately and started to blush. She had <em>no </em>idea what influenced her to do that.</p><p>Who is she kidding? It had everything to do with the spark of being challenged to a competition, her ultimate weakness. Damn her Aries tendencies!</p><p>Well, okay, this was going to be <em>fine</em>, right? Peter was going to come over here, and, she would also be here, incidentally. Her eyes flicked up to Ben’s apartment, still empty. And Ben…may also be here if he wasn’t too busy going out with a girl that hated dogs or whatever he was doing. Maybe he was going out with this girl, and it could even be that Nicole bitch, to prove to her that R2 <em>was </em>the best good boy on the planet.</p><p>At least that would mean he wouldn’t be <em>here</em>, and Rey wouldn’t have to explain what the hell business she had having a neighbor like <em>that </em>across the street.</p><p>Rey was trying not to be so nervous the closer and closer Peter got to arriving. She had enough time to take a shower and try to look like a girl that would be on a date or the first time she had a guy over at her apartment. Peter said he had a couple of things to take care of before he could come over.</p><p>Minutes ticked by like hours, and it was now almost nine. Ben still wasn’t home, and she was convinced that he was out with Nicole. Not that that mattered. He was free to go out with whatever girl he wanted that commented on his profile picture after all because he was an adult—</p><p>Then Ben <em>did </em>grace into his front door, and Rey let out the weirdest sigh of relief that was not fair because she was literally waiting for a guy to come over right then. He smiled and waved at her before he went into his room, closing the door behind him.</p><p>Okay…had his date not gone well? Why was he home so early?</p><p>A knock on the door took her out of her questioning. Right, Peter was here now, and so was Ben. This was going to be <em>fine</em>.</p><p>She took a couple of breaths to brace herself, and then opened the door, trying to be all smiles. There was Peter on the other side, holding quite a few items in his hands.</p><p>“Hey Peter! You ready to get your day walker butt kicked?” She claimed.</p><p>“Well, when you put it like <em>that</em>.” He smiled, stepping in as she motioned for him to come in. She took an actual look at what he had been holding when he had.</p><p>“Did you…did you bring me cupcakes? And bread?” Rey asked, completely and utterly shocked. How did he—how did he <em>know</em>?</p><p>He looked down at what he was holding and then handed the items to her, “Oh, no! Oddest thing, these were on your doorstep when I knocked, so I guess I am just the delivery man here.”</p><p>She took all of the items in her possession and saw that it was indeed some homemade bread that had been wrapped up, and some cupcakes from <em>the </em>bakery. They were all strawberry flavored with vanilla icing and rainbow sprinkles, her favorite, except for one red velvet with chocolate sprinkles.</p><p>Ben’s favorite.</p><p>She shuddered involuntarily. He had…gone back. He had gone back to the bakery and brought Rey her favorites and just a little reminder of him. But why? Not to mention <em>another </em>loaf of delicious homemade bread. It had jalapeños and some cheese on it this time and her life was terrible.</p><p>Rey wanted <em>nothing </em>more than to call him up this <em>instant </em>to ask him why in the hell he was doing this to her. Why was he being so sweet? Why did he have to be like this? And why did he have to be doing this when she had<em> invited another man over to her apartment</em>? Not that he would have known that, but still.</p><p>“Oh—” Rey started, remembering that she had to speak words, “right, thank you for that. Sorry.”</p><p>Peter chuckled, “I literally just picked it up off the ground. I’m not the one who made the effort to drop them off…is that a normal thing for you to receive various baked goods on your doorstep?”</p><p>Rey laughed nervously, “Actually, it kind of is. My neighbor usually drops off stuff for me like this when there are extras.”</p><p>“Oh, wow," he said, looking surprised, "wish I had a neighbor like that.”</p><p>
  <em>Trust me buddy, you don’t.</em>
</p><p>Rey walked over and put the items on her counter. Peter followed her.</p><p>“I <em>did </em>however, bring this.” He said, brandishing a bottle of rosé, which she had told him that she was a big fan of.</p><p>One point for Peter, “Oh! Thank you! That’s really sweet. Shall I open it?”</p><p>He smiled slyly at her leaning on her counter, “Well that would be awful sweet of you to share the wine I brought.”</p><p>Rey smirked, turning to get some wine glasses out of her cupboard, “I guess it’s only fair.”</p><p>Peter chuckled, “She’s fair for <em>now</em>, I sense.”</p><p>She brought the glasses over and got out her wine opener, laughing a bit, “Yes, <em>for now</em>.”</p><p>Pouring out some of the contents of some of the bottle into each glass, she turned to put the rest of the bottle in the fridge for the time being to keep it chilled. Bebe had come up to her and meowed, rubbing at her leg. He wanted to be fed, no doubt.</p><p>“Is this the cat I’ve heard to much about?” Peter asked as Rey picked him up, cradling him.</p><p>“<em>Yesss</em>, this is Bebe.” She said in a voice that sounded <em>much </em>too similar to Ben’s animal voice. She grimaced at herself.</p><p>“Hm,” Peter hummed, giving him a pet, “never had a cat growing up.”</p><p>“Well that sucks for you.” Rey said, putting him on the counter and went to get his food for him. She opened the cupboard and then went to dump the contents into his bowl after she opened the can.</p><p>Peter took his glass from the counter and looked around, “This is a nice place you’ve got here.”</p><p>Rey raised her glass to her mouth, “That’s quite a line.”</p><p>He smirked at her and shrugged, “Well, it’s true," he said, walking around a bit, “and wow, Jesus, you weren’t kidding about the plants.”</p><p>Rey looked up to him admiring Patrick, and it certainly made her heart constrict more than she wanted to admit, “Yeah, I kind of have a problem.”</p><p>He chuckled a bit, “Isn’t it a lot to keep track of?”</p><p>Before Rey could have any sort of intelligent or any response at all, even a musing of one was lost on her because Ben had strolled out of his door, sporting his typical tiny workout shorts, no shirt, and boxing gloves, causing her to choke on her wine.</p><p>And now, Rey resented herself so much for Krizz Kaliko’s song starting ring in her head again, and the sentiment was as true now as it was back in the days of hot neighbor boy…</p><p>‘<em>Tittaayysss!</em>’</p><p>Good lord, she need to get a grip. Peter has only been here for like <em>two seconds</em>.</p><p>Peter came over immediately and patted on the back of her shoulders, “You okay!?”</p><p>She coughed a couple of times, promptly turning from Ben’s torture, “Yeah, sorry, just went down the wrong pipe I suppose.”</p><p>Peter nodded, his hand lingering on her shoulder for a few moments before he dropped it.</p><p>There was an attempt at normal conversation that eventually led to the couch. Rey was trying her best not to think about Ben’s abs and legs and <em>titties</em> that were certainly on display if she looked juuust a little over to her right. Peter was originally the one to venture over and sit down, facing her and smirking, asking her what got her into Mario Kart.</p><p>She raised a brow at him, “I mean, weren’t like pretty much all kids into it at some point?”</p><p>He nodded to her, expression of agreement on his face, “I suppose. Good point.”</p><p>They seemed to be talking adequately, carrying their words back and forth that was just flirtatious enough. Peter even brushed his hand up against hers on the back of the couch. She smiled, looking away briefly, and then back to him. But now his focus wasn’t on her. His focus was on what she was vehemently trying to avoid across the street.</p><p>She saw his eyes go wide, and she couldn’t help but look over too, seeing that Ben was punching his bag in the window, which she had seen countless times. Always equally impressive, even more so up close, and she had also been a party to this, though he always had a shirt on at the boxing gym, <em>unfortunately</em>. Rey just didn’t usually have <em>another </em>person there when this happened. She tore her eyes away from the remarkable, unfair display and back to Peter’s seemingly shocked yes. He looked so surprised that it even seemed to warrant an explanation.</p><p>“Sorry, that’s my B—just ignore him. He does that.”</p><p>Did she almost say that was her Ben? How embarrassing would <em>that </em>have been?</p><p>Peter blinked a couple of times and shook his head, “Oh fuck, sorry. Didn’t mean to have that sort of reaction. I just wasn’t expecting to see…<em>that </em>when I came over here. You didn’t tell me that you lived across the street from a body builder.”</p><p>Rey had to giggle at that, “And when was I supposed to bring <em>that </em>up?”</p><p><em>You’re not ready for </em>that <em>conversation.</em></p><p>He smiled, tilting his head at her, “I definitely feel like that is first date conversation. Like, oh, this is what I do for a living, blah blah blah…I live across from a total meat head, that sort of thing.”</p><p>“He’s actually a lawyer.” She countered mostly under her breath.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Nothing—well, what? You haven’t told me who <em>your</em> across the street neighbors are. Any...circus performers or anything?”</p><p>“Rey, that would be ridiculous. They just stick to taming tigers.”</p><p>She laughed, touching his arm slightly, but she wasn’t sure if the tingling was coming from him or her resident meat head across the street.</p><p>When they had finally started playing, Peter did seem a decent player, but she had beat him three times in a row, and she was starting to contemplate how good this guy actually was.</p><p>“Um,” she started, turning a corner on Bowser’s Castle, arguably one of her least favorite levels, “sooo, I thought you said you were good this.”</p><p>He grunted slightly, “I am just warming up here Rey, it’s been a minute since I’ve played.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “So much for that big game.”</p><p>“Oh, hush. I’ll get there.” Peter threatened.</p><p>“I’ll believe it when I see it,” she stated, but then he hit her with a blue shell, and Rey felt a little rage build up inside of her, “oh <em>fuck </em>off!”</p><p>Hearing his smug chuckle, she felt even more frustrated, and tried to rivet her utmost skills. This was a do or die moment on the third lap. She could do this. Just around the corner, just one more.</p><p>And sure enough, there he was, driving as Luigi, and she hit him with the red shell she had been saving.</p><p>“Aww dammit!” He yelled as Rey crossed the finish line and she raised her arms in victory.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>! Ohh, that was a close one, I’ll give you that. Thought for a minute you had me there.” Rey gloated, smiling over at him.</p><p>Peter scoffed and readjusted himself in his seat, “Alright alright, I’m all warmed up now, so you’re definitely going to <em>get </em>it.”</p><p>She raised her eyebrow at him, “Oh am I?”</p><p>He smirked at her, leaning in slightly, “Most definitely.”</p><p>There it was, one of those moments where you were either going to go for it or you weren’t. And just what was she going to do? Start making out with this guy while Ben was most definitely in eyeshot right up against the window? The thought made her cringe a little bit, and it’s not like that was Peter’s fault. She sat back and looked at the screen.</p><p>“We’ll just see about that,” she stated instead, “you pick since I picked last time.”</p><p>If he was at all deflated, he didn’t show it, “Alright.”</p><p>Rey glanced down at her phone, flustered all of a sudden, and when she had unlocked it, it only made it worse. There was a text from Ben.</p><p>
  <strong>This guy doesn’t look very good. Now I am really starting to question your taste in men.</strong>
</p><p>She immediately let out this strange sound that sounded like half way between a laugh and a strangled cry.</p><p>Peter looked to her, “You okay?”</p><p>She nodded, seeking his eyes, “Yeah, totally fine! Sorry, my friend just…sent me a funny meme.”</p><p>“Ahh, got cha.”</p><p>Peter looked concentrated enough on the screen, so she chanced the slightest peep over at over at her freaking idiot neighbor, only to find him leaning over his counter, smirking at her. What an <em>asshole</em>.</p><p>
  <strong>EXCUSE me, I did not ask for your commentary.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Of course you didn’t. I am giving it to you free of charge. You’re welcome.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Fuck OFF Solo.</strong>
</p><p>Rey was just <em>seething </em>now, wanting to so, so much to call up this asshole and yell at him, and now she was only vaguely aware that Peter had said something to her.</p><p>“What?” She asked, whipping her head up at him, throwing her phone down.</p><p>“I said I wanted to try the Mushroom Cup.”</p><p>“Right, yes. <em>Certainly</em>,” Rey said a little too quickly, sounding like a nervous hyena, “coming <em>right </em>up!”</p><p>What the fuck did she just say? Fucking hell, Ben was throwing her off her game. More than he already had been galivanting around tits out like that.</p><p>‘<em>Tittaayysss!</em>’</p><p>She was starting to <em>really </em>regret this decision of inviting Peter over, not that it could have been helped when her overcompetitive tendencies got the best of her.</p><p>In this bout, Peter had actually beaten her on a couple of rounds, which she didn’t exactly take well, especially when he had wallowed in his victory. And Rey <em>hated </em>that what her mind was on the entire time was what Ben might have said in response to her text. Goodness she really was being ludicrous. The combination of the two causes of frustration was making her start to feel the old Kenobi rage build up. After Peter beat her in this last round, she threw down her controller and excused herself to go to the bathroom, stamping away, and whipping out her phone the second she was around the corner.</p><p>
  <strong>Makes sense you’d pick a less worthy adversary. Probably got sick of always losing.                                                                               </strong>
</p><p>Rey grunted, closing the bathroom door behind her and paced around the smaller room.</p><p>
  <strong>I DO not.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Well now I don’t even know WHAT to believe anymore. Come on Kenobi, you’re better than this.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I swear to God Ben I am going to go over there and smack you into last week.</strong>
</p><p>His response followed only a minute later.</p><p>
  <strong>Great! I can redo that brief I was finishing up over again. Felt like I didn’t really bring my A game, you know what I mean?</strong>
</p><p>Rey felt herself actually snarl at her phone and angrily sat down on the toilet.</p><p>
  <strong>This is the guy that doesn’t even have an opinion on jazz, isn’t it?</strong>
</p><p>That text gave her pause. She didn’t really know what to make of it. Ben had remembered this off handed joke she had made about Peter after their first date. What was Ben trying to get at here?</p><p>
  <strong>…perhaps.</strong>
</p><p>She stood up and flushed the toilet after this, realizing that she was spending way too much time in the bathroom arguing with Ben <em>again </em>instead of spending time with a guy that was actually showing interest in her. What was she <em>doing</em>? Once more, Ben had riled her up with barely even trying and all she was doing was thinking about how dumb he was instead of actually being on her date.</p><p>She stepped out, embarrassed of herself and her behavior, and did the walk of shame over to Peter, unable to help but notice that Ben was nowhere to be seen again. He looked up to her when she approached the couch with a smile anyway.</p><p>“Hey!” He said cheerfully, “are you okay?”</p><p>Knitting her brows, she hoped it wasn’t obvious that she was agitated, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>“Oh,” he started, “you seemed <em>really </em>riled up before, and then you stormed off into the bathroom, and you were…um—you just gave the impression that you were, I don’t know upset?”</p><p>She huffed, sitting down on the couch, “I wasn’t <em>that </em>riled up.”</p><p>He chuckled, “Rey I don’t think I’ve seen someone that irritated over Mario Kart since I was a kid.”</p><p>Well that was surprising. Nintendo games like this tended to bring the worst out in people, in her experience. She couldn’t even fathom about the amount of times she had raged out after losing, never having been a graceful at accepting defeat. Rey was fairly certain that she had nearly given Ben a concussion once after chucking her controller at him, narrowly missing him in the head once during a heated 75 round Mario Party game, only for him to throw his in the next turn and standing up, pacing around, huffing at her, and proceeded to call her all of the obscenities in the book.</p><p>Fucking hell, why was she thinking about that aggressive rhino once again?</p><p>“Oh, well…I guess I am used to a…passionate way of playing.” Rey claimed. And that was putting it <em>lightly</em>.</p><p>He chuckled, shaking his head, “I can…see that.”</p><p>She sighed, honestly not really knowing how to respond to that. Out of everything, Rey currently felt apprehensive. What was she supposed to do now? It’s not like this was her first rodeo in being irritated with Ben, and truth be told, she didn’t even <em>mind </em>it, but this was whole new territory being around someone like Peter when it happened. Bickering in front of Rose, Finn, and random strangers was one thing, but a date? Not that Peter was privy as to what was going on via text, but Rey felt like all of this frustration was leading her to one very real conclusion, and that was…Lord there was something <em>truly </em>wrong with her because she felt…<em>aroused</em>.</p><p>She wanted to scream. She wanted to shout. She wanted to both run over there to him and yell at him for being such an asshole while she ripped off of his clothes—that he undoubtedly wasn’t <em>even wearing </em>because he was probably in the shower considering he just worked out…with his tiddie show <em>—</em>‘<em>Tittaayysss!</em>’ that no one asked for but she knew she would <em>always </em>want to buy a front row ticket—and that made her resent him and want to fuck him <em>all the more</em>.</p><p>What a predicament she was in. She actually felt herself starting to get wet with balled fists.</p><p>She grunted, “<em>I’m</em>…hungry. Are you hungry? I actually didn’t eat dinner now that I think about.”</p><p>Her eyes shot to Peter and he looked extremely perplexed, “Um…sure. I could eat…we should probably take a breather from Mario Kart anyway.”</p><p>Rey stood abruptly, knowing that was for the best because at this point, she <em>knew </em>her aggression would have to be released in some type of way and it wasn’t going to be pretty, “Yes, good. Great.”</p><p> Stomping over to her kitchen, she realized that she had like no food besides the left overs that Ben had made the other night, and <em>no</em>, she <em>wasn’t </em>thinking about that giant undomesticated lion…all sweaty…with wild hair and…untamed—</p><p><em>Fuck</em>!</p><p>“Um, I don’t really have anything besides ramen, sorry. We could just order something too.” She explained, trying to sound as normal as possible as to not give away how hot and bothered she was.</p><p>“I am sure you remember my mutual love of ramen. I eat it practically every other day, I swear!” Peter exclaimed, sounding excited.</p><p>Rey looked over at him and smiled, pulling out a couple packets, “Oh! Cool. Right I remember that.”</p><p>She walked over to the counter, and he took it upon himself to grab the wine from her fridge and refilled their glasses.</p><p>Getting out her normal pot to fill it up with water to boil, he leaned on the counter and watched her. She wasn’t used to this sort of reaction to her ramen habits. Normally, she would get the ‘Rey, come on, <em>again</em>?’ and ‘I’m greatly concerned about your sodium intake, are you even <em>listening </em>to me?’ while she continued to cook it gleefully anyway.</p><p>She took the pot over to the stove and lighted it, “Sorry,” Rey said, “I but you’re not used to girls cooking themselves ramen on dates like this.”</p><p>It was good to be able to focus on something else other than those tiddies stuck in her brain—</p><p>‘<em>Tittaayysss!</em>’</p><p>“Hey, it’s fine. Bit odd, but I’m all for it.” He laughed.</p><p>Rey shrugged, picking up her wine, “What can I say? That’s just the kind of garbage I am.” She admitted, tipping her glass to him before she took a sip.</p><p>He balked at her, “You’re not garbage Rey!”</p><p>She raised a hand to wave him off, completely accepting of her hot mess status, “It’s totally fine, I’ve accepted it.”</p><p>“Hm,” he hummed, “you shouldn’t be talking about yourself in that way. I think you’re—”</p><p>Whatever else Peter was saying was cut off by Ben sauntering out of his room again in his infamous smidgen of a towel, though now that Rey thought about it, perhaps it was regularly sized and it just <em>looked </em>tiny on Ben…just like everything else did and good lord almighty she was grateful Peter wasn’t facing in that direction, but she had to keep her eyes bulging out of their sockets, a skill she had been honing for a while.</p><p>She cleared her throat anyway, “Mm, right. Yes, thank you. Sorry, I’m used to using self-deprecation in an ancillary manner.”</p><p>He blinked at her, “Okay. Guess I’ve been there.”</p><p>They stood there and she nodded at him, and he walked closer to her, “Here, let me help you with that.” Peter said, picking up the ramen.</p><p>“Oh, no! You don’t have to do that Peter, really.”</p><p>“Hey no,” he insisted, “I want to.”</p><p>She stood back, still completely torn between looking at Peter and knowing where her eyes really wanted to be, “Okay.”</p><p>Puffing out a breath, she undeniably <em>itched </em>to look at her phone to see what Ben had said to her. And with Peter looking over the stove, she wondered if Ben would feel almost <em>betrayed </em>that another man was cooking in her kitchen.</p><p>Rey relented and grabbed her phone off the counter after Peter seemed occupied enough.</p><p>
  <strong>Hm.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Interesting.</strong>
</p><p>It was such a simple sentiment that said absolute <em>volumes </em>if she was reading into it, and she was a human female, so of course she was.</p><p>It drove her crazy.</p><p>She was trying to formulate a response in her head. That would even come close to instill the sort of frustration he was presently inflicting on her.</p><p>
  <strong>Well, he is a big fan of ramen too, so he insisted on cooking dinner for me.</strong>
</p><p>Ben was walking by his kitchen when his phone lit up on the counter, so he picked it up and unlocked it, his eyes immediately flicking up to her and Peter. His head tilted, and he had the au<em>dacity </em>to let out a smug grin.</p><p>Rey bit her lip to not out a scream, and it was probably also out of provocation too and she hated herself for it. She looked to Peter, who’s eyes were staring out into Ben’s apartment, which she really should have suspected if he was going to be at the stove. It was impossible to miss that human wall across the street.</p><p>Peter then looked to her suddenly right as Ben had responded to her, so her phone buzzed in her hand. Great timing. He gave her an odd look that did not at all give away what he was thinking, and Rey questioned if she had been completely caught in her rivalry with the man who was still walking around with that ample rack on display, accompanied with that <em>fucking poor excuse</em> for a towel.</p><p>But there was no way he would just know that, right?</p><p>She wanted to change the subject before he could point out her meat head of a neighbor again, “Noodles coming along?”</p><p><em>This </em>was exactly what she had always been afraid of if she ever brought another guy over to her apartment, even back when Ben was B. Only this situation was a million times worse because she was not only in contact with him, but he was pushing her over the edge. And was he even <em>aware </em>of this fact? Did he even <em>know </em>he was doing to her…and probably Peter? Though honestly, it seemed like the kind of thing that would just come naturally to him.</p><p>Peter smirked at her anyway, “It’s just ramen Rey. It’s not exactly rocket science.”</p><p>She let out a nervous bark of laughter, “Ha! Right, right. Let me get us bowls and stuff.”</p><p>Turning, she cursed herself for being so stupid. She should have known herself by now because Ben was going to be a distraction, no matter <em>what </em>he was doing. He probably could have been dressed head to toe doing the polka and she <em>still </em>would have wanted to stare open mouthed at him—</p><p>When Rey turned back around, Ben was walking over to where his washer and dryer were located, only for him to come out moments later with basketball shorts on. She felt like she was going to crush the bowls she was holding.</p><p>He was just <em>nude </em>out in the open. <em>Why </em>was that the only place in the main apartment that had no windows? Oh, what she wouldn’t give to be standing right there next to Ethan. She was <em>sooo </em>glad Peter was not looking at her because her eye was twitching, and she had to physically <em>restrain</em> herself from running out of her apartment, to his door where she would throw it open once she trudged all the way there in an irate state and go to slap him first for being such a dick, and then jump to wrap her legs around his hips and <em>fuck </em>that would be so <em>hot</em>—</p><p>“Here are the bowls!” Rey said, probably a little too high pitch of a voice. Christ, she needed to get herself together. At least he was out of the towel now.</p><p>“Oh, great! They’re almost done. Do you have any garlic powder?” Peter asked her cheerfully.</p><p>“What?” Rey questioned, frankly not expecting a question like that, “doesn’t it already have the little seasoning packet?”</p><p>He smirked at her, “I think it adds a little extra oomf, you what I mean?”</p><p>Rey found herself smirking back, “Sure,” and then she even giggled, and went to her unalphabetized spice cupboard, which took her a few attempts to find because of it, “ahh!”</p><p>She walked back over to him and handed it to him. He took it and asked her if she could drain the noodles when he went to the bathroom. Rey nodded, turning to the task immediately after she told him where her guest bathroom was around the corner. Walking back over to the stove, she placed the pot back on top of it. Right. Now she was here. Alone. No she would <em>not </em>look—</p><p>Ben was at his counter now, chopping up something with <em>still </em><em>no goddamn shirt on—</em>‘<em>Tittaayysss!</em>’ And now that she was open to stare with no one noticing, she squinted at him. Did his—did his tits get <em>bigger</em>? Or did it seem that way because she was coveting them so much right now? Her vagina was practically singing at the thought.</p><p><em>You </em>stop <em>that</em>, she thought at her stupid lady parts. She grunted and picked up her phone.</p><p>
  <strong>Well then, enjoy your dinner.</strong>
</p><p>Rey sighed, and was a little bit relieved and a little bit disappointed that he hadn’t kept up this game. The smug grin he bore before would have told her otherwise.</p><p>It was probably for the best. She shouldn’t be in a battle of frustration with Ben when she had Peter here because in her case, it was also sexual frustration.</p><p>
  <strong>Why thank you, Benjamin. You enjoy yours.</strong>
</p><p>She had just finished sending it and watched him pick up his phone when Peter came back out.</p><p>“Alright, who’s ready for some noodles?” He asked.</p><p>Peter got to ripping open the package of seasoning and then adding in the garlic powder. Rey watched <em>him </em>for once as he stirred the noodles together with the tongs Rey had gotten out.</p><p>“So…” Rey started, “you don’t mind that ramen is like, super bad for you?”</p><p>He chuckled, “That sounds a little hypocritical coming from you, doesn’t it?” He asked cheekily, “I think it’s fine in a pinch.”</p><p>Rey smiled, “No yeah, I was just wondering.”</p><p>What was she doing? Trying to get a rise out of Peter because Ben had decided to drop it and she was still very much frazzled? That wasn’t going to work it seemed. Peter was not Ben, and she needed to <em>stop</em>.</p><p>They went to the couch with their meal, and Rey started to eat greedily. Now that she had all of these joyous noodles in front of her, she realized just how hungry she actually was…for <em>food </em>and not unsolicited tiddies.</p><p>“Mm,” she hummed, slurping them up, “you know, this is actually pretty good Peter.”</p><p>Peter laughed so she tilted her head at him, “I’m sorry, I just think the way you say my name with your accent is really cute…Petah!”</p><p>“Oh,” she said, holding her hand over her mouth, “thank you.”</p><p>“So…what part of England are you from?” He asked, taking a bite of his noodles.</p><p>It was a simple question with a simple answer, but it still made her heart sink nonetheless, “This district in London called Westminster.”</p><p>“Oh wow! Good ol’ London, eh? That’s really cool. What made you come over here to the US?”</p><p>Again, another perfectly typical question when getting to know someone, and yet, she felt like gaging on her ramen. Why did this have to be so hard? Oh, because her childhood fucking sucked. This was the moment where she was either going to be honest or she was going to make a up a prettier tale, like she usually did with people. She hated being faced with this decision.</p><p>“Oh, um. My dad is from here originally, and him and my mum decided to move here to be closer to family.”</p><p>There it was. A lie. It was sort of kind of adjacent to the actual truth, but she knew better than anyone how much she hated reliving that part of her life, obviously.</p><p>“Alright, cool! Obviously, I’m glad you guys decided to come ‘across the pond’ as they say, right?" He asked, spinning a fork in his noodles, "Are your parents still here?”</p><p><em>That</em> was the question, wasn’t it? Because she honestly couldn’t say where they were any more than Peter could. Rey felt herself getting upset, and she definitely didn’t want to be talking about this anymore.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Yeah, they are. We are just…a normal family living here in the US among you yankies!” She lied again, now caught up in it and wanting to change the subject completely, “Hey, you want to watch a movie or something?”</p><p>Peter seemed a little surprised at her sudden veer in the conversation, but he smiled at her anyway, “Sure. Lady’s choice?”</p><p>She nodded, smiling back to him, and grabbed her remote and changed the tv input from her Switch. She wanted something happy, something that she could watch that would take her mind off of the horrible lump that was forming in her throat. She scanned comedies while Peter struck up a conversation about what her favorites from the genre were. Her eyes lit up when her eyes fell on a particular title and she selected it immediately.</p><p>“Well, <em>this </em>one for starters.”</p><p>Peter laughed, shaking his head, “Of course, <em>of course </em>you love <em>Dumb and Dumber</em>. There you go again, just being the perfect woman.”</p><p>His comment left her blushing, but the context under which she found herself in this state baffled her; she knew it definitely wasn’t flattery.</p><p>“I try my best.” She said, not know what other filler thing to say as she started to play the movie.</p><p>As it went on, she found that she couldn’t escape her maladaptive thoughts rising in her head. She genuinely tried to immerse herself in Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels’ ridiculous antics, but now all her head could ruminate on was her broken life. So she sighed, holding back the tears, feeling whiplash after going from uncomfortably horny to off the charts upset in such a short amount of time. And now, she knew, there was truly only one person she wanted to be with right now. Rey knew it was because she could just be with him without any sort of expectations or explanations. She could just…be herself always, and Rey didn’t know how much she would crave that sort of gesture until this moment. She took out her phone because she was weak, because she wanted to talk to him. Rey thanked her lucky stars there was already a text from him.</p><p>
  <strong>No way…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>What?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>That’s great…</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oh my god, what?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>We landed on the moon! 🌚</strong>
</p><p>The timing of her laughter lined up well with the movie because she wheezed and held her chest, remembering a time when they had watched this together, and Rey had about died laughing from that line in the movie. She didn’t know if it was because she was really exhausted, causing her to be juuust the right about of slap happy, or if it was because Ben had started laughing hysterically with her, but they didn’t stop for several minutes because as soon as it would start to die down, one of them would look at the other and set them off all over again. Her face grew hot from the memory.</p><p>It was not uncommon for them to quote the movie together.</p><p>
  <strong>Extra gloves?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>You’ve had this pair of extra gloves</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>This whole time!</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Cha Rey, we’re in the Rockies.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I’m gonna kill you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Lol I’ve known that since day one.</strong>
</p><p>Rey snorted again and locked her phone, already in a better mood than she was before. Ben seemed to have that effect without even knowing what he had done for her. She was able to keep watching the movie now without feeling like she was going to cry.</p><p>Bebe came up and snuggled next to her, and she sought his comfort, petting him gratefully.</p><p>About halfway through, she opened her phone and answered him.</p><p>
  <strong>You better believe it. It will happen when you least expect it.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>And I would expect nothing less from Reymond Kira Kenobi.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I can just see it now...Reymond! Your hands are freezing! ❄🖐🏻🙎🏻‍♂️🖐🏻❄<br/></strong>
</p><p>She snorted at her phone, shaking her head. Rey was also extremely aware that she probably had just about the dumbest smile on her face.</p><p>
  <strong>Soo, what should I do on a Friday night? Rewatch the Office or rewatch Parks and Rec?</strong>
</p><p>Rey thought seriously about his question, recognizing that both shows held their own special significance for their friendship in their own way. Recollecting those binge watching sessions together from across the street was surreal for Rey. How depressed he seemed to be that night, and she didn’t really know what possessed her to click on that same episode of <em>The Office</em>, but that had set something off for the two of them, which inevitably led to <em>Ben is massively depressed and he needs my help.</em></p><p>She found herself smiling like an idiot again, knowing the answer, where it all started.</p><p>
  <strong>The Office, for sure.</strong>
</p><p>Rey felt disgrace for wanting to tell him that she wanted join him for old time’s sake, recalling that she still had a guest in her apartment.</p><p>Great. She was being a categorically <em>terrible </em>date. Poor Peter. Still none of this was his fault. She looked over at him and he luckily seemed to be immersed in the movie. He noticed her stare though, and grinned at her, even moving closer to her and placing an arm around her.</p><p>“This okay?” He asked apprehensively.</p><p>She nodded, leaning on his shoulder, surprisingly not recoiling at the physical contact like she normally would. Rey had been through a lot of emotions tonight. Now that Peter was so close to her, she didn’t really feel comfortable with answering her text from Ben. It didn’t stop her from glancing at it quickly.</p><p>
  <strong>Good choice for old times.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>That night meant a lot to me.</strong>
</p><p>Her heart clenched, and then it did even more when she felt like she couldn’t answer it in the way she wanted to. She wanted to call him and tell him how much it meant to her too, because that after that night, she didn’t know she could have someone who she had never met be so important to her, that even though they were strangers, her mental state felt just that much lighter every time they would start a new season together, a new show. That they didn’t need words to know she cared for him, that she wanted him to know that is why she was willing to buy him those cupcakes, which is not like anything she had ever done before in her life because that is just something that she didn’t <em>do</em> for people she had never met, let alone most people she <em>did </em>know.</p><p>But she had for him.</p><p>Not even caring if Peter saw her, she needed to return the sentiment <em>right this instant</em> before her feelings got the best of her.</p><p>
  <strong>Me too.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>When the movie was over, her emotional state was all over the place. How in the fuck was she supposed to finish this date when she felt so compromised? Peter’s arm was still around her, and she looked up into his blue eyes when the credits rolled. His face was very close to hers, and when it started to inch closer, after everything she had been through this evening, she felt like that was the reason she didn’t stop him when his lips touched hers. They slid over each other with relative ease, and she felt herself even sigh. It’s not like he was bad at this.</p><p>Her heart just wasn’t in it.</p><p>And was it because she was emotionally spent?</p><p>…or was it because of the very real issue she had been trying to suppress in her brain this entire time, and was now screaming at her in her forethoughts…</p><p>He just wasn’t Ben.</p><p>When he pulled away from her, she knew the answer as if it were actually spelled out on his face.</p><p>He smiled at her all the same, and she returned it, even if she didn’t feel it reach her eyes.</p><p>For the second time that night she was faced with what she was supposed to do now. And what was that exactly? Have sex with him? Still right in front of Ben? The thought alone made her feel like rubbing her face against a cheese grater.</p><p>Apparently though, he was making that decision for her, “I think I should probably get going.”</p><p>“Oh,” she nodded, “okay. I mean—okay. You sure?” She asked, utterly surprised at his announced intentions to leave.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve kind of got an early morning. Helping one of my brothers move.”</p><p>“Oh—oh. Alright then, I get it.”</p><p>They both sat up on the couch, “Yeah, he’s a real pest, that one.”</p><p>She giggled, “And that was Vince, right?”</p><p>He nodded, “Right. You remembered.”</p><p>“Uh huh, see I pay attention.” Rey said softly, not really knowing to feel about this whole situation.</p><p>He stood, and she did too, walking him to the door, “You can keep the rest of the wine.”</p><p>“Well I was gonna.” She smirked.</p><p>“Figured you would.”</p><p>They were standing there now, Rey’s breath came in short, “Okay, well, then call me?”</p><p>He nodded and smiled, pulling her into a hug. It lasted for a few seconds, and when he pulled away, his face looked perplexed, and he took her hands in his, sighing, “Rey, this is really hard for me because I really do like you, and I really, <em>really </em>do want to call you, but—I don’t know if I can…or if I should.”</p><p>That was just about the last thing she expected him to say, “What, why?”</p><p>He made a noise that sounded like he was grunting while he was exhaling, “How do I say this without sounding like a dick…I think,” he looked at her in the eyes, “or I don’t think <em>you </em>want me to.”</p><p>Her mouth dropped slightly, “What? Why would you think something like that—”</p><p>“Rey, I tried to ignore it for the most part because what you are doing on your phone is your business, but at some point, it became glaringly obvious who you were talking to. It stopped being a coincidence after like the tenth time that every time you put your phone down, he would pick his up and vice versa.”</p><p>That stopped her in her tracks. She <em>had </em>been caught, “Oh, but Peter—”</p><p>“Look, I don’t know what is going on between you and Mr. I Must Be Allergic to Shirts—”</p><p>She laughed at that, holding a hand over her mouth, “Ben.”</p><p>Peter’s mouth was slightly ajar, and then he closed it before speaking, “Right, what is going on between you and Ben—”</p><p>“There’s <em>nothing </em>going on between Ben and I, I swear Peter.”</p><p>“Okay,” Peter stated, “but I get the sneaking suspicion you <em>want</em> there to be.”</p><p>Her response stilled in her throat, and now she felt more guilty than if she had gone and run over his pet, which hopefully <em>wouldn’t </em>happen since she thought that into existence, “Peter, I <em>promise </em>you, I wasn’t trying to use you or anything like that. I—I’ve genuinely been trying to move on with my life, and you’re a really nice guy and I like you—”</p><p>Amazingly, he started laughing and touched her face, “I like you too Rey, and I believe you. I don’t think you’re that kind of person, but I don’t think you want this. And it truly kills me to say that. I thought maybe if I kissed you, I could see where you were at, but…I still did not get the kind of reaction you had every time you would unlock your phone.”</p><p>Rey looked down in shame, and knew that she wouldn’t have been able to help herself even if she tried, “I don’t,” she sighed, “I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean to stick you in the middle of this.”</p><p>He smiled, dropping his hand, “It’s okay. And…I think <em>I</em> know what you should say.”</p><p>Her eyes found his in confusion, “What?”</p><p>“Tell <em>him</em>,” Peter said, “Rey, you’re a great girl, and you deserve to be happy, so…as much as it pains me to say this, go tell Mr. I Refuse to Wear Shirts how you feel.”</p><p>Rey let out a peel of laughter, holding a hand to her mouth again.</p><p>Peter smirked, standing back, “I mean, seriously, what <em>is </em>that about? When I came here tonight, that is <em>not </em>the sort of tit show I was imagining happening.”</p><p>‘<em>Tittaayysss!</em>’</p><p><em>Fuck</em>, she needed to get that song <em>out </em>of her head if she knew what was good for her.</p><p>She let her giggles calm down before she spoke, “I wasn’t kidding before. That is just…something he does.”</p><p>He chuckled, “If you got it, flaunt it I suppose.”</p><p>Rey let out one more snigger, “He’s…kind of ridiculous.”</p><p>They looked at each other again, and this time when they embraced, Rey felt so much more relaxed.</p><p>“You really are a good guy, Peter.” She said once their arms dropped to their sides.</p><p>He sighed, “I know. It’s a blessing and a curse.”</p><p>She opened the door for him, and he stepped out, looking to her once more, “Those cupcakes and the bread were from him, weren’t they?”</p><p>She bit her lip and nodded.</p><p>“And the strawberry is your favorite, isn’t it?” He asked, and she nodded again, “And the red velvet?”</p><p>Rey exhaled, “His.”</p><p>“Damn, that’s a nice touch. I’ll give it to it to Benny Boy there,” he said, smirking, “do you think if went over there and asked for some tips that he would…put a shirt on?”</p><p>Rey laughed again, shoving him a bit, “Only if you asked <em>really </em>nicely.”</p><p>When their mutual amusement ended, he leaned down and kissed her on the cheek, “Good luck with everything Rey.”</p><p>She smiled at him one last time, “You too Peter.”</p><p>Rey closed the door behind him and locked it, leaning against it for a few moments and then sighed. When this all started, it really had been out of anger, but then it was her making a genuine effort to move on with someone who wasn’t Ben. It was easy to try and imagine actually getting into something with Peter when Ben wasn’t around, who was just constantly reminding her of why she was so taken with <em>him</em>, making her feel about twenty different strong emotions in one evening without so much as a second thought, which only made it all the more irritating and…<em>attractive</em>. It was the most maddening concept because she really did try. She had tried to show an interest in someone else. And that is how it ended. She <em>knew </em>she shouldn’t have gone through with inviting Peter over here.</p><p>In the end though, Peter was right. Where would that have gotten either of them, especially when her heart <em>really </em>wasn’t in it. Peter ended up being a good guy. Perfectly great, but…there were so many reasons why he just would be the right person for her. She needed someone who was going to challenge her, who was going to treat her like she was just a person, and not as if she were this unattainable woman on a pedestal. She needed someone with broad shoulders and had an aversion for shirts, she needed—</p><p>Just what was she going to do now? She couldn’t have Ben, and now dating other guys didn’t work, so what then?</p><p>She turned off the lights in her apartment and walked over to her couch, sitting back on it. Her eyes unsurprisingly found Ben’s apartment, and he was still indeed still watching episodes of <em>The Office</em>. The one where they have a casino night in Dunder Mifflin’s warehouse.</p><p>It wasn’t even a question what she was going to do for the rest of the evening when she turned on the same episode.</p><p> </p><p>Rey felt the heaviness in her chest weigh her down as she awoke from another nightmare, and Rey swore she still heard his terrible voice whispering to her. She must have been crying in her sleep because there were already tears on her face. Rey had no knowledge of how long she had been asleep for, but the Netflix screen was still asking her if she was still watching “The Office”?</p><p>Rey turned to her side to see if that would abate the heaviness. It didn’t. She still felt that soul crushing amount of loneliness expressing itself as bile rising in her throat, and began to dry heave. Wanting to scream, but not even having the energy to curse her grandfather’s name, she looked over and saw Bebe had fallen asleep at her feet.</p><p>“Bebe,” she managed to get out; her mouth felt dry and like she had swallowed sandpaper, “please, come to mama.”</p><p>She motioned for him to come to her, and he gratefully, got up, stretched, and then trotted over to the other side of the couch. Rey snuggled with him, and tried to will herself back to sleep.</p><p>‘<em>No one will ever love you, no one but me.’</em></p><p>A strangled sob left her throat, and she held Bebe closer to her. She loved her cat to pieces, but it wasn’t enough. It’s not as if he could tell her she was being insane and she needed to calm down.</p><p>Her phone was next to her face, and she reached over and grabbed it, unlocking it, her eyes certainly disparaged her for a few moments before they adjusted, and she was met with Ben’s last text that she never bothered to check.</p><p>
  <strong>I’m glad.</strong>
</p><p>It was a simple message, but the implications of it overwhelmed her a bit. It seemed to her it was a mutual understanding of their situations, two lonely people, finding one another, and he was thankful for it. So was she, probably more than he would ever comprehend.</p><p>She remembered last time she woke up like this and how her soul yearned to call him, hear his voice, but she had resisted, stopped herself completely from seeking the comfort she knew she needed in that moment and cried herself to sleep again instead.</p><p>Did she have the strength to do that again?</p><p>She supposed she didn’t because she had already hit the call button, and Rey told herself that she couldn’t hang up now. <em>No, no, no, you’ve already made it this far…but what if he doesn’t want to talk to her after</em>—</p><p>“Hello?” Ben’s groggy voice asked on the other end. It scared Bebe and caused him to jump off the couch.</p><p>“Oh,” Rey managed to get out, not believing she had the ability to hide the emotion from her voice, “I-I woke you up, I’m so sorry. You don’t have to—”</p><p>“Rey?” He asked, sound ten times more awake now, “Rey, what’s wrong? Do you need me to—”</p><p>“No,” she breathed out, “no, I don’t need you to do anything. I-I just woke up from a nightmare and I didn’t want to be alone.”</p><p>“Oh,” Ben said simply, and she heard him exhale, “I’ve been there, Rey. Trust me. Do you…want to talk about it?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Okay, well then, what do you want to talk about?”</p><p>Ben hadn’t ever pushed her about her past. Rey guessed it was a benefit of already knowing each other so well before they had even met, or maybe that was just <em>Ben</em>. He gave her opportunity to open up on her own, and it felt okay to her that way, comfortable. Something she could actually handle because goodness knows it was not information she <em>ever</em> gave up easily to <em>anyone</em>.</p><p>His gentle tone was going to get her crying all over again, but she held it together. She was already feeling relief creep into her senses, and she took a deep breath, “T-thank you.”</p><p>There was a pause, “For what?”</p><p>“For the cupcakes, and the bread…why did you—why did you do that?”</p><p>He chuckled, “I was at my parents house, and I made that bread with my mom, so I figured you would want some.”</p><p>“Oh...” She stated, feeling all sorts of emotions firing back and forth in her brain because of that notion. And here she thought he was with another girl. No, not Ben Solo, of <em>course</em> he was baking bread with his mother instead, and the image of that alone was going to send her into hysterics again…and <em>then </em>he had even thought of her enough to know she would definitely want some.</p><p>“That’s okay, right? I remember you said before I didn’t even have to ask—”</p><p>“No!" She countered, still feeling the urge to sniffle, which she did, “No, you’re fine. That’s why I was thanking you.”</p><p>“Well, you’re welcome. It’s not a big deal at all.”</p><p>It most definitely was the biggest deal in the entire world to Rey, but there were still pressing matters, “So what about the cupcakes?”</p><p>She knew she couldn’t see him, but she could <em>hear </em>his smile, “You just said you had a really difficult week at work, so…I figured you would want some of those too. You know, like how you did for me that one time...and all those other times.”</p><p>Rey hadn't left him a random present of cupcakes in a while now that she thought about it.</p><p>“<em>Oh,</em>” she said again, apparently not knowing any other words. How in the <em>hell </em>was she supposed to thank him without sounding like a blubbering mess now, “Ben, that’s…that…was really sweet. Thank you.”</p><p>“You’ve already said that. Twice.”</p><p>“What, so I’m not allowed to thank you more than once?”</p><p>“Mm, no, sorry,” he breathed, sleep still coating his voice, “only one thank you per costumer.”</p><p>“Oh my <em>god</em>, Ben,” Rey moaned, not knowing how this was real, “y-you braved seeing Dexter again just because I had a hard week at work?”</p><p>“Welllll,” he started in a sing song voice, “it was bound to happen sometime. Those cupcakes are too good to keep avoiding because of my damnable pride. You having a hard week was just the extra push I needed.” He said with some lightness to his tone.</p><p>“Did you at least get yourself some red velvets?” Rey inquired, openly curious.</p><p>“You bet your ass Kenobi. And there wasn’t even a little British gremlin spilling them all over me this time saying ‘oh, <em>bollocks</em>!’” He joked, completely botching her accent, which caused Rey to laugh despite the fact that she hated when he did that, but this levity was something she needed more in this moment than anything else.</p><p>“Well that doesn’t sound like as enriching of an experience.”</p><p>“I suppose it wasn’t, but I at least got to <em>eat </em>the cupcakes this time.” Ben said, and with his soothing voice, Rey already felt her eyes drooping.</p><p>“Hmm, not as much fun,” she yawned, “but what did Dexter do when he saw you come in?”</p><p>Chuckling, Ben also yawned, “He was like ‘oh, <em>this </em>guy! Hey Barney, this the guy I was telling you about who stood there like a buffoon in front of Rey!’”</p><p>Rey gently laughed as Ben regaled the rest of the story to her, and she wasn’t really sure when she had fallen asleep again, but there were no nightmares.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OKAY. If you passed the quiz and did your homework, I am sure that entire scene with Petey made a lot more sense, huh? If you didn't, I am going to have to fail you...JKJKJK, but here is a link to the song, and I swearrrr it is worth the listen just for the absolute absurdity (and sexiness) of the scene and Rey's WANDERING EYE: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ljVXa6aukY">follow this for the tiddies appreciation</a>. This overindulgence with the tiddies was commissioned with saratoga_grounder, so thanks girl, thank you for being as ridiculous as me and giving Ben's tiddies the love and appreciation they deserve.</p><p>SoooooOOO THAT was pretty horny, huh? And then we had a nice emotional finish (not a sad one this time aren't you proud of me?!?!?!). Didn't you love reliving all of your favorite moments from The Cupcake Bakery© and Synchronized Netflix Binging®?? Also finally upped that chapter count I've been meaning to do forever. YUUUP we only about halfway through what I have in store for these IDOITS. So I hope you've got a real comfy seat on the idiot train. Finn's coming around with the margs soon!</p><p>No way...that's great! We landed on the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-f_DPrSEOEo">moon</a>! </p><p>Cha Rey, we're in the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOdxz77-lag">Rockies</a>!</p><p>This tinder BS was a lot of extra work for me, but I think it was time well spent because well...we got Ben giving us a free tiddies show, so like...worth it.</p><p>I want to also give a HUUUGE shout out to AngieC_385 for helping me organize and formulate this entire tinder BS storyline. Without her, there would be no Betty, no Ear Caress™ 2020, and no Ben tiddies show, so thank you, thank you soooo much for everything you have done for our idiots.</p><p>Well...now that THAT'S finally over, we can get on with the rest of the story, RIGHT?</p><p>Heh heh heh...</p><p>THank you thank you thank you ALLL for bearing with me. Seriously, like I said before, I couldn't ask for more wonderful readers, and I would go and have Ben give every single one of you a free tiddies show if I could. Stay beautiful!</p><p><a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumble</a>.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey let herself into Ben’s apartment while she hummed to herself, headphones in, long since having the copy of his key. Eventually she felt bad for not giving him one, so she actually had to go and make one for him. When she had given it to him, he joked about what an inconvenience it must have been for her. Then she tried to grab it back from him, giving up after he raised it above her head and she buried the reflex of wanting to kick him in the shin.</p><p>They were going to a movie with Rose and Finn, and Ben had informed her that he was out for a run, so she didn’t really expect him to be back anytime soon. She had come over because she told him she would help him with his plants. Poor Barry, Ethan, and Arthur. Kenneth looked like he was in better shape when she went over and examined all of them. Damn, what a sausage fest it was in here. Rey needed to get him another one to break it up.</p><p>She was thinking of names for another plant for Ben while she was filling up the water can she had bought for him.</p><p>Not that she wasn’t a part time parent to all of them. Ben was still learning. She sighed, getting out her phone to text Ben that she was already there and she was going to take care of his children for him and he because an unfit father.</p><p>Scrolling around on her phone at his counter for a few more minutes, figuring he was still on his run and wouldn’t see her text until later, she took it upon herself to pick up the can again, venturing slowly over to his window, languidly starting to water Barry, taking care of his leaves, poor guy was in tough shape. Ethan certainly needed a delicate touch as well. He was a dainty aloe vera plant that was now getting a little sun burned, after all.</p><p>“Sorry Ben doesn’t know how to properly take care of you buddy,” Rey said to him, “but that is why <em>I’m </em>here.”</p><p>Shaking her head, she began to putz around with the other plants, making sure they got the attention they needed too when she thought she saw movement to her left.</p><p>Her eyes reflexively flicked over to her periphery, and when she had, she almost dropped the watering can, completely spilling water all over the floor.</p><p>It was Ben. And he had just stepped out of his guest bathroom completely. In the. Nude. Clearly sopping wet from the shower. His whole profile was there on display for her, and Rey was fairly certain she was going to go <em>blind</em> from such a vexing a display. She ripped both of her headphones out and tried not to make a sound.</p><p>He was reaching up on the rack above his washer and dryer as the water sloshed around in the watering can she was grasping to her chest for dear life. She stood there, completely stalk still as she tried to not even <em>breathe</em>, but the tiny, horrendous whimper escaped her before she could stop it. The next thing she knew, Ben was turning to her, and his <em>entire </em>perfect, thick body was fully frontal to her now as his eyes widened to hers in horror.</p><p>And <em>oh</em>, what sweet torture it was.</p><p>“Rey! Holy fuck I didn’t know you were here!” He shouted, and it all started to feel like slow motion as he went to cover himself. Rey was willing herself to do anything, <em>anything</em>, even blink, but she was like a statue frozen in time forever cursed—or <em>blessed</em>—to gawk at Ben’s glorious package for all eternity.</p><p>After several <em>long </em>horrifying seconds, her still in shock eyes ventured up to his, and his breathing was a bit labored as he stared right back at her, and Rey didn’t think she’d ever find the ability to speak again.</p><p>Then they were standing there, <em>still</em>, gazes locked on each other before Ben’s narrowed, and he tilted his head slowly. Then it felt like his eyes began to scan <em>her</em> deeply, and Rey bit her lip to keep her from letting out another sort of horridly aroused noise that would only prove to embarrass her more.</p><p>But then Ben <em>truly </em>did something unexpected and smirked at her before speaking, “Well, Rey. It seems like we are in quite the predicament here…you’ve seen mine, so,” he practically purred, uncovering himself, “so now I get to see yours…” Ben finished, taking several steps toward her, reaching out his hand to graze her lip with this thumb, “what do you say?”</p><p>She wanted to say that she had never wanted anything more in her entire life than banging him right there on the bloody floor right in front of the window for all she cared, but before she could, her eyes were violently opening on her couch in her own living room. Her breaths were coming out of her like she had just been drowning, and really, she had supposed she sort of had been. Dream. It had all been a <em>fucking </em>dream.</p><p>“Oh! What?! So I don’t even get to see where that was <em>going</em>?! Fuck <em>off </em>my own stupid bloody brain! What the hell is a matter with you when that was clearly going to be the <em>best </em>sex dream of my <em>life</em>! Fucking hell!” She snarled, not believing her own luck.</p><p>It had felt so <em>real </em>too, even all of the thoughts she had about his key and his plants had actually happened, and then it was like he had actually been standing there, dick swinging for her and everything, and he had wanted <em>her</em>. Was propositioning <em>her </em>to get naked with him, and <em>oh </em>why did everything have to be so <em>cruel</em>?</p><p>Now that she had been awake for a couple of minutes, she realized that she had fallen asleep there while talking to Ben on the phone from the night before. No wonder she had such a horny dream! From all of that pent up sexual frustration he had inflicted on her, she swore she was going to burst!</p><p>“<em>Ugh</em>! I <em>always </em>wake up before the good part!” She lamented. It’s like even her subconscious didn’t want her to be getting any action from that fucking unwieldy boulder.</p><p>Rey looked over and grabbed her phone. It was nearly six in the morning as the sun was definitely starting to rise. She groaned and rubbed her face with her hand. Well now she was definitely going to have a difficult time going back to sleep with <em>that </em>scene playing over and over in her head.</p><p>She sat up, and felt the result of her arousal in her panties, “<em>Great</em>.”</p><p>Her eyes made their way to Ben’s, and she saw that he was also still asleep on his couch, the <em>asshole</em>.</p><p>“That was like, <em>super </em>inconsiderate of you Benjamin!” She shouted, getting up from her couch, walking over to her window to glare at his sleeping form, “You are <em>such </em>a tease!” She finished, flipping him off with both hands and grunting, stomping over to her room.</p><p>She knew it was rather ridiculous, getting angry at the real Ben like that, but…she had to yell at <em>somebody</em> because dream Ben was about to rock her world, and she was <em>fully</em> ready for it.</p><p>Now that Rey thought about it, she couldn’t really remember the last time she had had a sex dream about him. It had definitely been a while, and this one way by far the most realistic, most vivid one yet. When she had closed her bedroom door behind her, she practically stumbled out of all her clothes and chucked herself on her bed, grunting again. This was just in<em>humane </em>at this point. She threw her head back on her pillow, wondering how long it was going to take her to do what she really wanted to do at this moment.</p><p>She sighed, realizing she might as well just do it if she were going to keep cogitating on it.</p><p>So, Rey rolled over on her side, reaching to her nightstand drawer and pulled out her vibrator. She sneered thinking about Ben now, “Okay asshole, just for riling me up so much last night, I am going to think about you fucking me like. <em>So. Hard</em>, so…take that!” She yelled into her ceiling, turning on the toy.</p><p>Then the next and only all encompassing thoughts in her brain were of her imagining the rest of that scene, completely giving into the fantasy of him fucking her against the window after he had literally ripped her clothes off, her ass against the glass as he sucked in one of her breasts greedily, leaving teeth marks. He was completely unrelenting as he pounded into her, and she honestly came within minutes, only wishing she could have drawn it out longer if she had more discipline. That one was definitely going in her spank bank for later.</p><p>“So…<em>there</em>,” she said after she had come down from her orgasm, now feeling sated enough to the point where she actually might be able to go back to sleep, “how ‘bout <em>that </em>Solo, you prick!”</p><p>Her eyes closed and she willed herself to have another heady dream…one that would actually <em>finish</em> this time.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey sighed into her magazine, realizing how exhausted she felt, so she put it down on her lap and began to rub her temples.</p><p>“Long night?” Finn asked in the pedicure chair next to her.</p><p>Rey scoffed, “That doesn’t even <em>begin </em>to describe it.”</p><p>She had texted Finn earlier after she was able to get a couple more hours of sleep after her almost sex dream but very real sex masturbation fantasy. Realistically, she still felt like she had been hit with a semi truck, and not the sort of semi truck that she was <em>wanting </em>to be hit by. Damn, that dream was probably going to be haunting her for at least the next few months. It was at least preferable to her nightmares.</p><p>“Okayyy,” Finn said, “so…are you going to tell me about what caused all of this or…?”</p><p>Rey sighed, “I guess there is no way to avoid it.”</p><p>“Wow, it was that bad?” He asked, tilting his head, “What in the world happened?”</p><p>She looked to him, shaking her head and grunting, “So…I kind of invited Peter over to my apartment last night.”</p><p>“Oh my god, really?”</p><p>Nodding, she briefly looked down at her lap to see that Brad Pitt had done…<em>something</em>. Seemed sketchy, but she had always been team Jen, “Yeahh, he kind of challenged me to a Mario Kart competition.”</p><p>“Ohhh, I see. Your ultimate weakness.” Finn joked.</p><p>“<em>Yup</em>,” she smiled, “you know I can never turn down something like that.”</p><p>“My dear, you really cannot,” he shook his head, “so, what happened?”</p><p>Rey began to divulge the details of what had occurred the night before. How everything seemed like it was going to be fine until Peter showed up holding what Ben had gotten for her, and how it all just kind of went downhill from there. Finn really had a laugh when she told him that she was texting Ben throughout the date.</p><p>“Holy shit Rey, Rosie is right. You <em>are </em>hopeless. I mean, texting another dude when you are literally on a date with someone else?” Finn laughed.</p><p>Rey let out a deep, deep sigh, “I am starting to think you guys are right. I may seriously have a problem here. It’s like I legitimately couldn’t resist.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Finn hummed, tapping his chin, “and what you do feel like this problem <em>really </em>is?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, resting her elbow on the armrest and leaned on her hand, “As if we don’t already know Finnegan.”</p><p>“Yeah, true,” he said, “but I guess I just wanted to hear you say it out loud.”</p><p>“What? That I want Benjamin Anakin Solo so badly that I couldn’t help but text him and even get…<em>aroused </em>by how much he was riling me up while I was on a date with another person? Is <em>that </em>what you want to hear?” She asked, almost incredulously.</p><p>Finn downturned his mouth with a contended hum and nodded, “I mean, basically, yeah…so, how did it end?”</p><p>Rey told him about watching the movie, and still talking to Ben throughout it. Then Peter kissing her, and really, rejecting her at the end of the evening. By the time she finished, Finn was giving her the smuggest look on his face, but he still was saying nothing and it was driving her <em>insane</em>.</p><p>Exhaling, she looked back down at Brad Pitt and whatever shady thing he was doing now, “Just get whatever asskicking/giving me shit thing you’re going to say over with already.”</p><p>“Hey now Rey,” Finn reasoned, “I’m a lover, not a fighter! That’s <em>Rose’s</em> job.”</p><p>Finn Hadari, a true Pisces at heart.</p><p>Rey just scoffed, but then Finn continued anyway, “And I mean, <em>really</em>, what else can I even say that you haven’t already heard? I’ve said it, Rose has said it, hell even <em>Peter </em>noticed, and that probably took a lot for him to say.”</p><p>Peter really did up being the MVP of the evening, and that was besides Ben’s glorious tits, pulling Rey out of her unreality thinking that things could possibly work out between him and her. Oh, how dead wrong she was.</p><p>She sighed, rubbing her hands over her face, then watching with fascination at the nail technician painting red onto her toe nails. Rey supposed she was feeling spicy today, “What am I going to do Finn?”</p><p>The woman working on Finn’s feet was rubbing at his callouses, which made him squirm around a bit before he spoke, “Honestly, Rey? I feel like you’re already doing it. At this point it doesn’t seem like you are going to change your mind, you are back on good terms with Ben, and the two of you care about each other no matter what. So, what else is really new here?”</p><p>Rey bit her lip and chewed over Finn’s words, “Nothing I guess. Except I uninstalled Tinder last night.”</p><p>He nodded, twitching again when the women apparently was working over a particularly nasty callous, “How do they get so bad even when I have them shaved down every time, ugh!” He exclaimed, but then looked back to Rey, “Yeah, I had a feeling you would.”</p><p>Rey shrugged, “It was a failed experiment at best, really,” she conjectured, now exceedingly curious, “so…has Ben said anything to you about it?”</p><p>Finn smirked at her, “You trying to get in on guy talk, Kenobi? That is very unbecoming of you!”</p><p>“Hey!” She defended, “I was—not. I was just—no, not like that!”</p><p>He just started laughing at her, and Rey flattened at his amusement, “Truth be told the couple of times we’ve hung out, it doesn’t really come up. Believe it or not, Ben isn’t exactly one to talk about his feelings and personal business much either. Y’all are too similar!”</p><p>Rey blinked at him “I guess I didn’t realize.”</p><p>Finn shook his head, “I think it probably has to do with the fact that how you act around each other and how you act to others is very different. I still stand by what Rose said about your connection being unreal.”</p><p>Now Rey was biting at one of her hangnails, “Right…I guess that’s true.”</p><p>She contemplated everything her and Ben shared, and Finn was completely entirely correct. Everything they shared with one another, every laugh, every story, every meal was just a testament to their bond because she had never experienced something like this with anyone. She practically <em>never </em>gave up information about herself, especially about her past to anyone. Rose and Finn were the only other ones that had really known anything substantial, and that was after knowing them for a long, long time. With Ben, she had told him so easily, so willingly, and it didn’t even feel wrong. It felt right to tell him, to share. Hell, she had even gotten to the point to where she felt okay enough to call him up after a nightmare. Again, something she had <em>never </em>done with anyone before.</p><p>Well, that was at least something. That was saying a lot for Rey, after all. And she supposed it was the same way with Ben, which was a notion that she hadn’t really taken into account before. She supposed that her and Ben did still have this unique bond, even though this dating other people debacle. Rey at least recognized that what they had wasn’t exactly a common occurrence.</p><p>“At the end of the day,” Finn said, taking her out of her reverie, “you guys are really just two idiots, still separated by a street.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “Guess I can’t really argue with that.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“My mother is actually coming over next week.” Ben mentioned while Rey was helping him prepare dinner. Rey had been making a genuine effort as of lately to improve her cooking skills. She had accepted that she was never going to be as talented as Ben was, but she thought that she was an adult human, perhaps she should know how to sauté a vegetable. All of this was for self-improvement, really. The fact that she actually got to participate in something he enjoyed so much—and <em>possibly</em> impress—Ben was just a bonus.</p><p>“Oh?” Rey asked absentmindedly as she was chopping up the bell peppers that Ben had given her. They were such a stupidly shaped vegetable; how did people even figure these things out?</p><p>“Yeah, she kind of forced herself into my schedule since it’s been such a long time since she came over.” Ben said as he was putting the rub on the steaks he was about to prepare.</p><p>This was true. Leia hadn’t even been over ever since Ben and Rey had met, and from time to time Rey thought about how odd it would be for her to come home day to see the former mayor in Ben’s apartment now that she and her neighbor were now close. Would she insist on meeting Rey? Would she question Ben’s choice to be friends with her?</p><p>“Well, that is nice. I’m glad you get to see her.”</p><p>It was Rey’s turn to have her playlist on. It didn’t involve as much Bon Jovi and a lot more Taylor Swift, but Ben never seemed to complain as long as there was no jazz on it, and Rey complied with that <em>most </em>of the time. Sometimes she snuck one in there just to see his reaction, and the wild ones he would always play out never disappointed.</p><p>“Yeah, she did the whole ‘I just need to see if my son is alive routine’ to guilt me into it, even though I go over there to see her quite a bit. But, really I shouldn’t complain.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes ventured to his, and the corner of her mouth raised slightly, “No, you shouldn’t. I’m not even going to play the orphan card on you.”</p><p>He laughed, “Isn’t merely saying that playing the orphan card?”</p><p>“Nope!”</p><p>Ben shook his head proceeded with his own task. Rey sighed and thought of her day earlier. When she had gotten to Ben’s she felt a little on edge with the demands she was given by Ackbar to be in charge of all of these microwaves that they had gotten in. Rey wasn’t necessarily expecting this, but she was willing to take on the responsibility. She just didn’t know how involved it was going to get. After a couple of mishaps and a talking in Ackbar’s office where he told her not to regret putting her in charge, she left work that day feeling less than stellar. Really, she had tried not to take it personally, but her low self-esteem was ever present as feelings of inadequacy gnawed at her.</p><p>When Ben had texted her asking if she wanted to help him make dinner, she sighed at her phone and smiled. Needless to say, it was a welcome spurt of brightness in her day. Except for when she actually had made it to Ben’s because the elevator was out of order. Great, now she would have to take the stairs and for some reason, hightailing it up the three floors seemed like a real ask at the moment.</p><p>Now she was attempting to tackle these infuriating green bell peppers, and she nearly cut her own fingers a couple of times, but she was trying, Lord she was. She glanced at Ben, smiling at him humming along to “Blank Space,” which made her heart flutter in all of the worst ways because well, it shouldn’t be. She was still working the aftershocks of that vivid sex dream out of her system. Sometimes things Ben did would still trigger her, and it was going to be a long time before she could use his guest bathroom without getting the slightest bit aroused, she was sure.</p><p>Rey sighed and thought about what it would be like for Leia to be here with them, her deleterious and destructive thoughts getting the best of her. If she were being honest with herself, she wanted to know what Ben was like around his mother, what kind of snide remarks she made about his cooking with Ben rolling his eyes and ultimately following her advice, and how she could feel the love between them despite all of the chastising.</p><p>She heard Ben clear his throat next to her, “She uh—asked about you.”</p><p>It was a good thing that she had just put the knife down because if she had been holding it, she was convinced that she would have cut herself, “She did?”</p><p>“Yeah, I told her about you a while back, so she asked me how you were.”</p><p>Rey felt her blush creep up, betraying her, “Oh, well. That is—that’s nice to hear.”</p><p>She picked her knife back up and started on the next vegetable, which was an onion, great the most emotional vegetable in the world, and began to chop that up to using the method Ben had taught her—cut it in half first, horizontally, and then vertically. Her mind was swirling now with the implications of Ben’s words. He talked to his mother about her? What did he say? That she didn’t know how to cook? That when it really came down to it, she was this chaotic mess of a person, and no one really taught her table manners?</p><p>“Hope you didn’t say anything bad about me.” Rey said, not really knowing where that come from. Half joking, half not. Actually not at all.</p><p>“Oh, only the worst things.”</p><p>Perhaps it was the mood she had already been in earlier that day, but she supposed she had been asking for his teasing when she made a statement like that. It set the precedent for their normal raillery, “Well that’s not setting a good example for when I meet her, now is it?”</p><p>Again, she had no idea what possessed her to say that, but she couldn’t lie to herself, she really did want to meet her. Rey also greatly wanted Leia to approve of her too. She knew how important Leia was to her son.</p><p>Why was she digging herself into this hole?</p><p>She glanced at Ben, and he looked flustered, and he cleared his throat, “Oh, right yeah.”</p><p>His reaction, while not giving away a multitude of emotions away, was still enough to commence the hysterics in her brain, which had only gotten worse since the whole Tinder catastrophe, “Unless, that is, you wouldn’t <em>want </em>me to. Meet her, that is.”</p><p>“No, it’s not that,” he said, still seeming rattled, “it’s just that—”</p><p>He didn’t finish his sentence and looked down at the counter.</p><p>“What?” Rey insisted.</p><p>Ben’s eyes met hers, “Nothing. No, I would want you to meet her.”</p><p>Rey nodded at him slowly, and did not know how to feel about his general response, but she moved passed it anyway, “Okay, well. Okay. It doesn’t have to be next week or anything. It can be for another time.”</p><p>He nodded back, “Right, yeah. I can talk to her about it.”</p><p>“Great,” Rey said, actually feeling a smile play at her lips and let out a sigh of relief, “I can even try to cook for her, if you wanted. Show off those Organa-Solo skills you’ve been showing me.”</p><p>It was just an offer, a nice gesture that she thought Ben would appreciate, and he smiled, letting out a short laugh, “I don’t know how my mother feels about ramen noodles, but it’s probably negative.”</p><p>She had finally finished the onion, which was difficult to get through because there were tears in her eyes. It was a culmination of everything hitting her at the moment because she just couldn’t take the teasing, and she knew it, but her words fell out of her mouth all the same, “And what’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>There was genuine surprise she caught on his face before it was covered up with confusion, “Nothing Rey.”</p><p>She huffed, “Because I mean, look at me,” she said, emphasizing her knife and gesturing at the admittedly not evenly chopped vegetables, “I feel like I have made genuine efforts to improve myself in that area, haven’t I?”</p><p>“I never said you didn’t.”</p><p>“Then why would you make a comment like that when I was offering to cook for your mother? You think…I am not worthy or something?”</p><p>He was washing his hands in the sink, and turned to her rapidly, hands still soaking wet, “<em>What</em>? How did we get here?”</p><p>Then, without warning, a seething jolt of anger hit her body, “We <em>got </em>here because it didn’t even seem like you wanted me to meet her in the first place. If you truly don’t, you can just be honest about it.”</p><p>He balked at her, “I didn’t say that either!”</p><p>“Then why were you acting all weird about it?!”</p><p>He had grabbed a dishtowel to dry his hands on, and was now ringing it in his hands as he grunted, “I was not acting weird; you just took me by surprise, that’s all!”</p><p>Rey crossed her arms, “Well I am <em>so </em>sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t act like this Rey.”</p><p>“Don’t act like what?”</p><p>He threw down the towel on the counter and leaned on it with his hands flat on it, “Don’t <em>act </em>like an indignant child who isn’t getting her way.”</p><p>Rey was genuinely taken aback by that statement and physically recoiled from him, “I am <em>not</em> acting like a child. If anyone is, you are because you aren’t just being honest with me!”</p><p>He hit the counter with one of his fists and turned to her, “Ugh, you are completely blowing this out of proportion Rey!”</p><p>She took a step towards him and stood her ground, staring up at him with fierce eyes, “Then what Benjamin, what is the truth?”</p><p>After staring back at her for a few seconds, he was the first to break, turning away from her and running both his hands through his hair, and then formed them into fists afterwards, “God, why are you making this into something that it's not?!”</p><p>It was then Rey realized that she and Ben seemed communicate in all of the best and all of the worst ways together.</p><p>Tears stung her eyes; it was clear he didn’t want to tell her what he was really feeling. She <em>wasn’t </em>worthy enough, “I don’t believe it’s your place to tell me how I feel.”</p><p>He put his hands on his hips, and sighed deeply, “Fuck, okay. I am the bad guy here, fine.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes and walked around the counter, rage in her veins, “Don’t fucking go there.”</p><p>He raised his arms at her, “What other choice do I have? You’ve clearly already made up your mind!”</p><p>Rounded on him with a finger pointed at him, “Do <em>not </em>tell me what is going on in my head.”</p><p>Leaving now seemed like a good idea because now even <em>she</em> didn’t know how they got here, and Rey didn’t want to be having this fight with him before she really said something she would regret. He had already hurt her enough to where she was on edge. She stomped to the couch and got her purse and walked to the door, grabbing the knob, and Ben called to her when she opened the door, “Are you seriously leaving right now?”</p><p>Rey gave him one last glare before she slammed the door on him, and then she was walking briskly to the elevator before the tears could really fall, and then she remembered it was out of order.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>.” She cursed, turning quickly to where the door to the stairs was.</p><p>As she was sprinting down them, she was angry with Ben and then she was berating herself for everything, like she always did. And now it seemed like Ben wasn’t coming after her, but what else should she have been expecting? That he would just chase after her after she made such a scene to storm out the door? No, fat chance at that, certainly.</p><p>She thought that she could make it to her apartment before the inevitable breakdown hit her, but now she was thinking of doing that in front of Ben in her own apartment, and she knew that wouldn’t do. And as she reached the bottom floor, she was finding it hard to breathe.</p><p>No, she wasn’t going to make it to her apartment. It was happening right here whether she liked it or not. She collapsed on the bottom step, starting to sob. Great, she was reduced to being a blubbering mess, and now she was in public. Her face was hidden in her hands, ashamed and wanting to hide her identity if anyone were to happen upon her. This was already excruciating enough.</p><p>She heard a few people come into the stairwell and awkwardly shuffle around her. No, she wasn’t ready to move yet, so they were just going to have to sidestep this pathetic piece of human garbage breaking down on the stairs.</p><p>It’s not that she and Ben fought. They bicker all of the time. It was the subject of the row that was causing her to take in ragged breaths while she cried on this bottom step of Ben’s apartment complex. Ben couldn’t hide his initial reaction, and he tried to cover it up with surprise when she knew the truth that he refused to tell her. She wasn’t worthy, she wasn’t good enough, and he most certainly wouldn’t want someone like her meeting his regal mother.</p><p>It was something that she should have been expecting all along, really. She and Ben were just friends anyway; it wasn’t supposed to be turned into the ordeal that it was. Rey know knew she shouldn’t have reacted in that way, but her emotions were starting to bubble over into their friendship, and she knew it. Especially after Peter’s words still circled in her head about everything that had happened that night. What kind of friend would do something like this? She felt guilty already for—Ben was right, turning it into something that it wasn’t.</p><p>She sniffled and felt a headache coming on, and her eyeballs hurt so much from the pressure they were enduring from her palms being shoved into for so long. A ragged breath escaped her, and she inhaled a just as shaky one and sat up, still closing her eyes.</p><p>He probably wanted to introduce that girl he had been out with several times to his mother instead of her. Yes, that at least made more sense than his weepy, pathetic mess of a neighbor—</p><p>“Trouble with the boyfriend dear?” Said a voice in front of her.</p><p>Opening her eyes out of complete shock that someone was addressing her, Rey’s eyes focused on none other than Ben’s downstairs neighbor, Betty. The woman she overheard talking about her and Ben at Starbucks.</p><p>Rey shook her head vigorously and wiped her snot on her sleeve, “N-no, this isn’t what it looks like.”</p><p>Betty smiled and searched her purse for a few seconds before selecting something from it, which turned out to be a pack of tissues that she handed Rey, “Oh, honey. I have been on this Earth for a long time, and I think I know the aftermath of a lover’s squabble when I see one.”</p><p>Rey’s heart lurched looking at the sweet woman’s offer, and she was feeling too emotionally exhausted to deny her, so she took the tissues from her tiny hand and opened them, actually more than grateful to be able to wipe up her nose and tears away with them. Was this what grandmas did? She had no idea, after all.</p><p>Betty was clearly spry for her age as she took it upon herself to sit next to her on the step, patting her leg when she had settled herself. Apparently not caring about getting her sky blue pants suit dirty, either, “Why don’t you tell me what happened, hm?”</p><p>More tears were in her eyes instantly, so she pulled out another tissue and wiped them away, “I don’t know. It got so out of hand so quickly.”</p><p>Betty gave her a knowing look, “These things usually do.”</p><p>Rey nodded, and actually found herself smiling, “It started when I was chopping vegetables. I’m not very good at cooking…I-I’m learning, or I am trying to. Ben—”</p><p>She looked to Betty and she nodded too. Rey wasn’t really sure if this woman was aware that Rey had overheard her comments at Starbucks, and now she felt embarrassed for eavesdropping, even though it <em>was</em> a conversation about her. This woman’s kindness was getting to her.</p><p>“Yes, the young man who lives above me. The one the size of a barge with that black labrador?”</p><p>Rey smiled because honestly, who <em>else </em>would that be describing?</p><p>“Yes, him. He’s…been trying to show me how to cook, or at least try to not burn things and how to cut up an onion properly. He’s an amazing chef. He—he learned it from his mother.” Rey sniffled. Where this whole fight escalated from, really.</p><p>“And a wise man for learning from his mother like that,” Betty stated, tilting her head at Rey, “so when did the fight commence?”</p><p>Rey chewed on one of her hangnails, but then realized that she shouldn’t be doing something so undignified in front of such a nice old woman, “He—he doesn’t want me to meet her.”</p><p>“And why not?”</p><p>“He wouldn’t tell me.”</p><p>“Ah,” Betty said, shaking her head, “and did he say those words? That he didn’t want you to meet her?”</p><p>Rey thought about it, she <em>really </em>thought about it, and came up short, “No, I guess he didn’t.”</p><p>A smile graced Betty face, and Rey thought it made her look several years younger; she could see the beauty in her features, “Oh deary. I remember when I met my late husband Douglas. We were married for fifty-two years when he passed four years ago.”</p><p>Looking down in her lap, Rey felt terrible, “I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Betty looked to her, “Don’t be. I had a wonderful life with him before it was his time. Pancreatic cancer is a tough one to beat, and that stubborn old bastard fought tooth and nail until the very end.”</p><p>Rey smiled, and Betty went on, “We met while he was on leave while he was in the Marines during the war,” Betty leaned in closer, “in a bar, believe it or not.”</p><p>Wiping at her snot again, she wanted to make sure she was composed for Betty’s story, and grinned even more at the older woman, “I believe it.”</p><p>“I was with my girlfriend Margaret at the time, we have been friends our whole lives and grew up together in Van Nuys together, in those old neighborhoods that all the celebrities used to live in during the 40s and 50s.”</p><p>Rey had been to those neighborhoods and always thought they were charming. It must have been even more of a sight back then, “I know which ones you are talking about.”</p><p>Betty smiled, “Oh lovely! Anyhow, Margaret and I were unwinding from our shift at the hospital, we used to be nurses you see, and we were giggling with our Manhattans, pointing out which lads we thought were the handsomest, and who does Margie point out for little old me?”</p><p>Rey beamed, “Douglas.”</p><p>Betty nodded, “The man certainly stuck out in a crowd, even with all those Marines surrounding him with his blonde hair and staggering height.”</p><p>“Goodness, he sounds like he was quite the man.” Rey said.</p><p>“Oh, he certainly was.”</p><p>“So, did you do? Did you go up to him?”</p><p>Betty smiled and chuckled, “Certainly not!”</p><p>Rey’s eyebrows furrowed, “Oh.”</p><p>“I only needed a couple more Manhattans for that.”</p><p>Her hand raised to her mouth to stifle her giggles, “Oh my, then what happened?”</p><p>“As Margie and I were leaving, him and his Marine friends were standing near the exit. I tapped on his shoulder that seemed to reach the sky, and he turned to face me, and I told him right to his face that I thought he was very handsome.” Betty told her.</p><p>Rey was genuinely wanting to hear what happened next, “Then what happened?”</p><p>Betty shrugged, “I left.”</p><p>“You <em>left</em>?!”</p><p>“I did indeed, walked straight out of that establishment entirely with Margaret on my heels.”</p><p>“Oh my god. Then what happened?!”</p><p>“Well, he came chasing after me, asking me where did I get off saying something like that and then leaving.”</p><p>Rey nodded, “Well, yes I should think so!”</p><p>“Yes, he wasn’t too pleased, but then he turned the charm on and insisted that he buy me a drink.” Betty explained, sighing with a smile.</p><p>“Wow. That is quite the story.”</p><p>Betty looked to Rey, “That man drove me absolutely up the wall, and there were some days that I felt like I was on the brink of insanity, and then Douglas would find a way to push me of the ledge completely.”</p><p>That one sounded familiar as Rey scoffed. Ben drove her absolutely bonkers sometimes.</p><p>“But we loved each other, and we loved hard. I wouldn’t want to spend my life with anyone else. And sometimes, we let our fights escalate from somethings that were so trivial.”</p><p>Biting her lip, Rey now understood what Betty was getting at. Rey’s eyes were concentrating on the package of tissues she was holding.</p><p>“But we would always find our way back to each other, whether it was him chasing me,” Betty smiled, and Rey chuckled at her equivoque, “or me chasing him. We had to keep choosing each other.”</p><p>It was hard to find the words to say to respond to Betty, so Rey sighed and decided to go with the truth, “The thing is, Ben and I…we’re not actually together.”</p><p>Betty’s eyebrows raised, but she recovered quickly by smiling and patted her leg, “Of course dear. Sorry to be presumptuous.”</p><p>Rey looked to her and smiled back, “Thank you though, for your kindness. It means…so much to me.”</p><p>Her smile did not waver as she hummed, “There is no need to thank me. If there is ever anything you need from me, anything at all, you know where to find me.”</p><p>Rey smirked. It definitely seemed like the kind of reaction Rey should have been expecting from someone like Betty, “I will. My name is Rey by the way.”</p><p>Betty stood with little trouble and held out her hand to her, “Betty.”</p><p>They shook hands and Rey stood as well, and she sighed, feeling the overwhelming urge to run to Ben and tell him that she was sorry for being so combative, for being so unreasonable and blowing things out of proportion like she did.</p><p>“Well, what are you doing here? Boyfriend or not, it seems like you’ve got some issues to address.” Betty quipped, and Rey was again amazed at this woman. She was more than thankful that she ran into her.</p><p>Rey smiled at her one last time, “Thank you, for everything.”</p><p>“Certainly dear, now get your buns up those stairs!”</p><p>Letting out another grin, Rey turned and promptly began to climb the stairs as she was preparing her apology speech to Ben; it was going to involve a lot of ‘sorry for being a ridiculous dumb bitch’ statements. She was rounding the second flight of stairs when she almost ran right into the man in questions chest, again. Rey abruptly halted herself and stared up at him as he did the same to her for seconds that Rey could account for.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Rey said suddenly, and found that Ben had uttered it at the same time. The two of them smiled at each other, and Rey looked down at the floor before her eyes met his again.</p><p>“I shouldn’t have overreacted like that,” she admitted, “I really didn’t mean to, I just had a really hard day at work and I think that I started to take it out on you.”</p><p>Ben smiled, “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have responded like I did either. The truth is,” he sighed, “the truth is that I am just not used to people actually wanting to meet my mom. Or my family. It really did take me by surprise that—that you would want to. I just—it’s that I’m not,” he scaled his face with one of his hands and sighed, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Rey actually smiled at him, “It’s okay Ben.”</p><p>Then what happened next seemed inevitable as their arms wound around each other, and Rey sighed, feeling so much relief as her face met his shirt.</p><p>“I do want you to meet her. I’ll schedule something out with her, okay?”</p><p>She nodded into his chest before they pulled away, and when she did, she saw Betty coming up the stairs and smiled at her, making her way to the hallway door.</p><p>“Good evening.” She said to them.</p><p>Ben nodded to her and Rey couldn’t help the grin as Betty seemed to have a pretty smug look on her features as she closed the door. That sprightly old woman.</p><p>As they walked up the rest of the stairs together, Ben laughed and said that if he had known she was having a hard day at work, maybe he should have just blasted jazz at her instead of fighting, and then she punched him in the shoulder.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Rey unlocked her door, having gotten home from work already but went out again to get herself some food because she <em>surprise</em> didn’t feel like cooking, and what she was met with on the other side shocked her, but it really shouldn’t have. Leia was in his apartment, like Ben said she would be, and now she was much more concerned about her walking in with takeout than she should have been.</p><p>They were talking at the table in their usual positions, and Rey couldn’t tell whether or not it was a tense conversation.</p><p>
  <em>Oh shit, this is awkward.</em>
</p><p>She almost felt like she should go eat her food in her room in order to give them privacy. Unfortunately, it looked like they both had noticed her anyway and Ben gave her a nod.</p><p>
  <em>Alright, just as well then.</em>
</p><p>She settled on the couch with her food and her ice—this place had her favorite porous ice that she loved chewing on and always had to get a couple cups of it when she ordered from here—and turned on her tv, now being insecure about that, too.</p><p>
  <em>What is something a dignified person would watch? The news? 20/20? Oh God.</em>
</p><p>She settled on this documentary about penguins that she had been putting off. She had gotten into about three bites of her food and only a couple of chews of her ice before her phone was buzzing with a call. She pulled out her phone and was legitimately surprised that it was Ben.</p><p>“Ben?”</p><p>She turned to face him and he was standing at his window, looking at her. It looked like he mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ before he actually spoke.</p><p>“Rey, hey. Um, my mother, is insisting on meeting you.”</p><p>Her eyes went wide, “Me? What? Are you serious?”</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair and then looked down at the floor, “Yes. She’s not really taking no as an answer. I told her already that you wouldn’t want to now—”</p><p>“Well, not I <em>would</em> want to now…I just,” she started to whisper as if Leia Organa, the former freaking mayor could hear her, “I wasn’t exactly expecting to, so I am sort of…unprepared.”</p><p>She saw his eyebrows furrow, “What do you mean?”</p><p>Leia wasn’t facing them, so she felt comfortable enough to stand to emphasize her sweatpants. She and Ben hadn’t discussed her meeting his mother since they had fought about it last week, and figured that he would keep his word and schedule something with her at a later time. This is why she wasn’t expecting to meet Leia at this point in time.</p><p>He actually chuckled, “That’s fine, Rey. I am sure she won’t care.”</p><p>“I care! Look at the two of you! You both look like you just stepped out of a magazine shoot. God, okay, give me like twenty minutes, alright?”</p><p>Shaking his head, he spoke in a quieter voice, “Thank you.”</p><p>They met eyes again and she nodded, hanging up and then raced to put her food and precious ice away in the fridge, and then tried not to look too eager as she sprinted to her bedroom. Was this really about to happen? Was she really about to meet Leia Organa, <em>the </em>Leia Organa, <em>now</em>, so unexpectedly? She ripped open her closet and scanned all of her clothing to see what would be good enough. It really did feel like she was about to meet the queen.</p><p>She had googled her after Ben told her who she was, of course. She was met with so many pictures of the regal and elegant lady, usually with some kind of elaborate braid in her hair, then not surprised at Ben’s apparent abilities of such a feat. He wondered if he ever braided Leia’s hair.</p><p>There were a couple of younger ones of her, and she saw that Ben had her eyes and it made her sigh. The deeper she scanned, she was able to dig up of one and her then husband Han, who was very handsome, and she also saw where Ben got his prominent nose and striking features. They looked…happy in the picture she had seen as they were holding hands and smiling to the camera. It made her heart ache because she knew it wasn’t always such a pretty picture for the Organa-Solos.</p><p>She had settled on a casual enough yellow dress and then ran to the bathroom to do something with her hair, running a brush through it frantically, thanking everything there was that it was agreeing with her. She just let it down and put on a minimal amount of makeup. As she finished putting on her lip gloss, she smacked her lips together and shook her head at her reflection.</p><p>“God, pull yourself together Kenobi, it’s not like she was the mayor…Oh wait.”</p><p>It made her feel better to think of her as Ben’s mother and not Leia Organa, the former mayor of Los Angeles, a woman she had literally learned about in a couple of her government courses in school. Little did <em>Rey </em>know that she would have the major hots for her son one day, living across the street from him while he constantly showed off his plentiful tits—‘<em>Tita—no</em>, she was <em>not </em>doing that right now.</p><p>She gave herself one last glance and thought that was probably as good as it was going to get and stepped out into the rest of her apartment, beelining to the door.</p><p>When she knocked on Ben’s door, he opened it after a few moments and took her in. Once again, he mouthed ‘I’m sorry,’ and gestured for her to come inside.</p><p>Leia was sitting at the table still, and stood, striding over to Rey gracefully and found that she was significantly shorter than her. She held out her hand to Rey when they approached one another.</p><p>“Miss Rey,” she said, actually taking both her hands, “it is so nice to meet the woman who is taking up so much of my son’s time.”</p><p>“Oh, uh,” she glanced at Ben; he looked sick, “it’s very nice to meet you too, Ms. Organa.”</p><p>“Leia, please.”</p><p>Leia let go of her hands and Rey nodded. Now she really wasn’t sure what should come next. Oh no, was she supposed to bring something? What was she supposed to do?!</p><p>Leia smiled and turned to her son, “Now what did you tell her about me? The girl looks absolutely terrified!”</p><p>Ben put his hands in his pockets and looked down, “Nothing, mom.”</p><p>Leia waved her off and Rey smiled, her nerves abating a bit at her joke, “Sorry, it’s just that…you’re so…I’m sorry.”</p><p>Shaking her head, Leia smiled at her once again, “Oh please, all I am these days is retired,” she said, walking over to Ben and patting his arm, “and this giant boy’s mother.”</p><p>Leia did look absolutely dwarfed next to Ben, and Rey remembered that picture he had posted of them on his Instagram, and it made her stomach flip.</p><p>He was turning red, “Okay,” he cleared his throat, “now that you just <em>had </em>to meet Rey, I am going to start dinner.”</p><p>Leia beamed up at him, “How about you make my famous beef stroganoff?”</p><p>He nodded and they both made their way to the kitchen area. Rey had been to Ben’s apartment probably more than she had seen the sun at this point and looked at where she normally sat on the island while he cooked, but that all felt so different now, like she was a stranger in his apartment again, visiting it for the first time.</p><p>It wasn’t until Leia had waved her over to join her that she felt comfortable enough to move.</p><p>“Now, Ben, would you please put on some tea for us?” Leia asked him and he nodded.</p><p>She turned to Rey and smiled, “I’ve heard you’re a big fan, too.”</p><p>Rey’s throat felt like she had been chain smoking and her voice came out hoarse, “Yes, well, you know. It’s kind of a rule you like it in England.”</p><p>Leia smiled at her, “And yes, it certainly is! What a lovely country. It certainly has been a while since I have been there. This former politician doesn’t get out much anymore.”</p><p>Rey laughed at her joke, “I am sure you are being modest…I…remembering learning about you in a couple of my classes growing up.”</p><p>Leia had also helped pass a law that meant Rey got more food stamps, so she had always been grateful to her for that…she just didn’t ever think she would be <em>faced </em>with the woman…in her <em>son’s</em> kitchen while he cooked them dinner. And what would little feral Rey think about all of <em>this</em> if she knew one day her older self would be faced with this predicament? Rey almost wanted to laugh at herself because she knew that her younger self would just want to go face first into that stroganoff Ben was making. Goodness, this whole situation got stranger and stranger the more Rey thought about it.</p><p>Adjusting her hair, Leia smirked with a dignified look on her face, “Oh, well I hope they only used the most <em>flattering </em>of pictures.”</p><p>Rey laughed again; she certainly saw where Ben got his snarky wit from, “Well of <em>course</em>. We certainly leaned about how you used to moonlight as a fashion model.”</p><p>Leia lightly touched Rey’s arm, “And see here I thought I was able to keep that a secret! Must have been the gold bikini I used to own.”</p><p>“Okay! Let’s not relieve that very <em>real</em> traumatic part of my childhood.” Ben cut in while he was stirring the sauce for the stroganoff.</p><p>Before Rey could ask what he had meant by that exceedingly curious statement, Leia had spoken up about it, “Oh, honey, <em>just </em>because your friends used to ask you for a picture of it <em>doesn’t </em>mean—”</p><p>“So Rey! You like plants, and my mother likes to garden, so that’s something isn’t it?!” Ben interrupted very abruptly with a strained voice, and Rey made it her new mission in life to <em>definitely </em>bring that topic up again.</p><p>Leia gave a slight smirk at Ben’s dire need for a subject change, and she seemed to want to be merciful on him and looked to Rey, “Yes! I have always admired your plants, dear.”</p><p>Rey smiled, “Thank you Leia, that means a lot coming from you! I’ve always loved taking care of plants. When I was little,” she breathed in, realizing that she was about to say it was while she was at a foster home, but then stopped herself. She looked to Ben who gave her a nod almost as if he <em>knew</em>, but there was really no way to tell. She cleared her throat, “when I was little, I…had this plant on my street that was in this open area with all this dirt, and I always passed by it on my walk from school. At first, it didn’t look like much, almost like a dead bush, so I don’t know what possessed me to start taking care of it, but...next thing I know I am watering it and pruning it—which I was sort of just winging because I didn’t know what I was doing, and eventually, these beautiful white flowers started to spring from it. I…loved the idea of taking something that seemed to be a lost cause and letting it flourish…it kind of got me hooked as you can see.” Rey finished, gesturing behind her to her apartment.</p><p>Leia smiled at her and placed a hand on her arm again, “Oh, Rey! That is a lovely story! Did you ever find out what kind of plant it was?”</p><p>Smiling, Rey nodded, “I remember checking out every book in the library on plants in the Southwest, pouring over all of them until I finally found it. It was an Apache Plume, which is indigenous to the whole area. I’ll never forget it.”</p><p>It was while she was at Plutt’s house, which was an awful experience for her. He rarely fed her, and when he did, it was always a pathetic excuse for a veritable meal, almost like he was trying to portion out her meals as if they were going to run out. This was horrendously ironic because <em>he</em> was overweight and seemed to be able to eat whatever he wanted. Sometimes, going to her little plant and taking care of it was the only thing that kept her sane. She was sad to leave it when she got placed into another home, but even as a child, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to stay there. From time to time, Rey wondered whatever happened to that plant. She supposed she could go and look, but the memories would probably be too painful.</p><p>“Oh, I know of those! Those really can look lovely when they start to bloom. So glad you were there to take care of it.” Leia said, truly seeming to admire Rey’s prowess. It made her blush.</p><p>The water Ben had been heating in the tea kettle started to scream on the stove, so he took it off and proceeded to pour it into some mugs that were waiting on the counter.</p><p>“Ladies.” He said while he handed them each a mug of the jasmine tea. Rey took it gratefully and thanked him.</p><p>“Thank you so much my sweet boy,” Leia smiled. Ben titled his head at her with a smirk before he went back to his cooking, “So, Ben tells me that you’re a mechanical engineer. That’s a fine career.”</p><p>Rey stopped blowing on her tea and nodded, “Yes, ma’am.”</p><p>“Leia.” She insisted.</p><p>“Sorry, yes, Leia. I have been in the LA area ever since I came here from the UK when I was little, so I was lucky enough to get a job out here once I graduated from grad school.”</p><p>Leia smiled and set down her mug on the counter, “My, my. Beautiful <em>and </em>smart,” she turned to Ben, “she’s got the full package, doesn’t she?”</p><p>There was a lightness to her voice, but Rey still blushed again and Ben nodded.</p><p>Then he was staring down at the pot he was stirring and smiled into it, “Yes, but she never gets this dressed up for me, so—”</p><p>“Ben!” Rey exclaimed before she could stop herself.</p><p>Leia shook her head and picked her mug once more, “I apologize for him. I promise you I taught him manners.”</p><p>Rey bit her lip and her eyes fell to her lap briefly, “Oh yes, I am very aware. You’d be proud to hear that Ben <em>always </em>has excellent table manners, even when he’s alone. I’ve never knew such manners existed, really.”</p><p>Ben exhaled through his nose, and she <em>knew </em>that he wanted to say something snarky to her about being particularly shambolic, but he couldn’t with Leia present. Perhaps his mom being here wasn’t so bad after all.</p><p>“Oh, Benjamin, you do a mother proud!” She praised.</p><p>“I live to please you.” He deadpanned.</p><p>She shook her head at him and looked back to Rey, “I wasn’t just an etiquette-type mom. I was fun, too. You know, when Ben wasn’t being such a little cretin or an angsty teen.”</p><p>“Aptly put.” Ben glowered, a bit of an edge to his voice.</p><p>Leia took a sip of her tea, seemingly unperturbed by Ben’s comment, “You know, before you two met, I always told him that he should just go over to you and say hi. You seemed like such a nice young woman.”</p><p>“<em>Mom</em>.”</p><p>Rey’s smile couldn’t contain itself, “Really?”</p><p>“Oh, yes! I would be like, go over there and invite her to dinner! But he would always say, ‘nooo mom I don’t even know her; she always looks so busy anyway.’” She explained, lowering her voice to impersonate Ben.</p><p>Ben stopped what he was doing over the stove and his mouth went into a fine line.</p><p>It warmed her chest and other inappropriate areas to hear that he was concerned of her schedule, even then.</p><p>Rey giggled, “Well, to be fair, he eventually he <em>was</em> the one to come over first.”</p><p>Leia looked to Ben immediately, “You never told me that!”</p><p>Ben continued cooking and shrugged his shoulders with a smirk, “She literally slammed the door in my face.”</p><p>Rey scoffed, “I—” that was <em>true</em>, but she couldn’t explain <em>why</em>, or at least not fully, “I was just surprised to see you there! I wasn’t expecting this—this sasquatch on the other side of my door out of nowhere!”</p><p>Leia gave her a knowing smirk, “I am not surprised. He never even told me how you met.”</p><p>“Ugh, mom, it’s a long story.”</p><p>She met Rey’s eyes and tilted her head, lifting her tea to her, “Well, I am sure Rey would regale me with the details.”</p><p>They were eating Leia’s famous and absolutely <em>delicious </em>stroganoff at the table, and Ben was about as red can be while Rey and Leia laughed together as Rey explained how they ended up being on speaking terms.</p><p>“And then I just, ran away! And then he told me that he stood there for like two minutes before actually moving again.”</p><p>Leia’s table manners were just as immaculate as her son’s of course, and dabbed her mouth with her napkin delicately, “Oh, my son, quite the charmer!”</p><p>Ben just sighed and continued to eat his food.</p><p>Rey’s face hurt from smiling so much, “I wasn’t any better Leia, I was the one who ran away, remember?”</p><p>Leia gave a short laugh, “Yes, you two. No wonder it took you so long to meet, my goodness!”</p><p>Rey’s eyes fell to Ben and they met hers after a couple of seconds, and she gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile, “Then, about a week or so later, next thing I know, he’s knocking on my door until I answered it, barging in and insisting that he make me dinner.”</p><p>Ben chewed his food and smirked down at his plate. Leia reached over and squeezed his hand, “I think it’s lovely you wanted to do that for her.”</p><p>“I didn’t <em>barge</em>.” Ben insisted after he swallowed.</p><p>The rest of dinner consisted of Rey asking, nearly begging to hear an embarrassing story of Ben, and Leia was happy to oblige, much to Ben’s utmost chagrin. Currently, Leia was telling her about how he came home from kindergarten crying because all the other boys made fun of the braids he put in his hair.</p><p>“I was so heartbroken. He had such a talent for it at such a young age,” Leia said sadly, “but he still would braid mine, even to this day.”</p><p>Ben sighed, “Is this why would wanted Rey to come over, so you completely embarrass me?”</p><p>She chuckled, leaning over to pinch his cheek, “Well, that’s what mom’s do, kiddo. It’s literally in our job description.”</p><p>Rey smiled at Ben, “You shouldn’t be embarrassed. That’s such a sweet thing to hear that you do that for your mom.”</p><p>He looked at her with an expression that looked a little guilty, and Rey questioned if it had to do with him knowing that she never had any moments like that growing up. Truth be told, it did give her an envious bloom in her chest, but that wasn’t his fault.</p><p>Leia nodded at Ben, “That’s right, honey. You shouldn’t be embarrassed you still braided your hair around the house, too.”</p><p>“<em>Ugh</em>.” Ben grimaced, and his normally impeccable posture shrugged down in his seat.</p><p>“Oh, don’t be so <em>dramatic</em>.” Leia quipped at him.</p><p>The three of them had a perfectly lovely conversation throughout the rest of dinner, and it involved a lot of Rey getting to know Ben from an entirely new perspective, which she ate up every bit of new information like she was starved, especially considering the fact that Ben didn’t really divulge on his childhood all that much. Not that she could blame him because neither did she, but she was ecstatic to hear the new details nonetheless.</p><p>Towards the end of the meal, Leia was telling Rey about how much she always loved how Ben’s ears stuck out in all of his school photos, and truth be told Rey probably would too.</p><p>Then, much to Rey's complete delight and Ben's dismay, Leia offered to show Rey, stating she had a few pictures in her wallet.</p><p>Her eyes bulged out of her sockets, “Oh my goodness, <em>yes</em>! Yes I would <em>love </em>to see tiny Ben!”</p><p>Ben grimaced greatly, “Mom, seriously? Do you really have to stereotypically—”</p><p>“Shut <em>up</em> Benjamin I want to see!” Rey exclaimed.</p><p>Rey was practically bouncing on her heels while she followed Leia to her purse, to which she proceeded to pull out four pictures and gave them to Rey.</p><p>“I don’t know how many pictures is typical for mothers to have in their wallets of their children, but of these I could never choose a favorite. So that’s why I carry them all with me!”</p><p>When Rey looked through them, she swore her heart was going to stop. They were all…<em>adorable</em>. Absolutely the most precious things she had <em>ever</em> seen, which was wholly and completely unsurprising because despite Ben’s expressed utter disdain over his appearance when he was younger, Rey always had a feeling that in reality he was going to be entirely endearing.</p><p>The first two looked like they were from when Ben was really young, preschool and elementary aged, a reserved smile on both of them. Then, the next two were when he was older, finally showing off that toothy grin she knew so well and loved. The last one was by far her favorite with his shaggy hair all over his forehead and his <em>ears </em>poking out gloriously on the sides of his head. God, she truly was going to have a heart attack. Ben <em>really </em>needed to stop having this effect on her.</p><p>But, <em>oh</em>, how she loved this photo. She straight up wanted to take a picture of it and make it the goddamn locksrceen on her phone. She held herself back, though, understanding how completely bonkers that would look, but she still needed to voice her admiration over them, “Oh, these are the most <em>adorable </em>pictures I have ever seen!”</p><p>Rey looked to Ben, whose stare was resolutely on the ground as he stood several feet away from them, but then his eyes flicked up to hers, “R-really?”</p><p>She nodded vigorously, “<em>Really</em>.”</p><p>Leia chuckled as Rey handed them back to her, “My thoughts <em>exactly</em>, dear.”</p><p>Ben looked to the floor again and crossed his arms, and Rey was pretty sure he was blushing.</p><p>Rey offered to clean up with Leia as Ben said he needed to take R2 out. Throughout the evening, Rey had grown more and more comfortable with Leia as they talked, shared. Rey was so grateful for this considering how ridden with anxiety she was at the start of it still clad in her sweatpants.</p><p>“I am sure Ben has…told you that things haven’t always been great between us.” Leia said abruptly while they took the dishes to the sink.</p><p>Rey was momentarily taken off guard, but she recovered, “He’s told me a little bit.”</p><p>She was protruding a poignant expression, “I put a lot of the blame on my husband and I…we weren’t always the best parents. Not always there for him when we should have been.”</p><p>Being rendered speechless, Rey started to load the dishes in the dishwasher as Leia handed them to her.</p><p>She continued anyway, “So, throughout all of that and after, I know it’s been hard for him,” her hand went to Rey’s and stopped her from grabbing another dish to load, “so I am glad that he has someone like you in his life. I can tell how much you care for one another.”</p><p>Her breathing deepened and she looked down, and then she found the strength to will herself to meet Leia’s eyes. All she could do was nod.</p><p>She nodded back and they resumed their work in a not uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before Rey was able to find her words again, “I know he cares about you too.”</p><p>Leia turned to her, so Rey went on, “I…I didn’t grow up with a mom, so I guess I don’t have much reference, but I could tell how much he loves you, even when I just saw you guys from across the street.”</p><p>Tears started to form, but she refused to let them fall. Leia must have noticed because she reached over and squeezed Rey’s hand. Rey didn’t even have to say anything, and she realized that Leia must have understood what Rey must have needed in that moment because the tiny woman stepped closer to her and embraced her. Rey felt more relieved from it than she thought she would be.</p><p>When they pulled away, Leia’s eyes were warm to her, and Rey saw that they had the same sparkle to them as Ben’s did. She nodded at Rey and went to hand her another dish. Rey let out a comforted breath and took it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben called her much later that night while they were both certainly still awake.</p><p>“She loves you.”</p><p>Rey smiled on her couch, rerun of <em>Sex and the City</em> on in the background.</p><p>“Good, I loved her too.”</p><p>He was in his kitchen, heating up some leftovers from what looked like the dinner they had earlier. The phone was in between his shoulder and cheek, and he remained silent for a few moments.</p><p>“Well, I am still sorry that she insisted—”</p><p>“Ben, stop. You really don’t have to be. I had a lovely evening.”</p><p>Straightening his stance, he held the phone in his hand again and met her eyes, “I knew she would love you, anyway.”</p><p>Rey adjusted herself on the couch to face him more, “Really?”</p><p>He turned to put the food in the microwave, a rarity from him, “Yes, you can be charming when you want to be.”</p><p>Rey laughed, turning out to be entirely pleased at this impromptu meeting of Leia, “I am flattered you would make such an observation, <em>but</em>…you get to see the real me.”</p><p>He faced her again, “What, so a little sand gremlin from the valley?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes.</p><p>“You want to hit me, don’t you?”</p><p>Ben was met with her middle finger from across the street.</p><p>He said a tsking noise with his mouth, “So uncivilized.”</p><p>Rey sighed and laid back down on her couch, “I suppose you’re right though.”</p><p>He gave a small laugh, “It’s okay, I like the real you more anyway.”</p><p>Rey took the phone away from her ear for a second to hold her chest. Christ, this man. She breathed in deeply and moved to her side.</p><p>She needed to change the subject from <em>that </em>topic, “So…why don’t you make bread or something in the middle of the night when I’m actually around?”</p><p>“Hm,” he chortled, “that’s only for special occasions.”</p><p>Rey grumbled and whined.</p><p>“I could make some now if you want,” Ben offered, “you could come over and I could show you how to do it…or you could just eat some when I’m done because I know that’s what you really want.”</p><p>Rey sat up and glared at him, “What’s the occasion?”</p><p>She saw him shrug.</p><p>“It’s Thursday night.”</p><p>That seemed like as good of a reason than any as long as she was with him. Their eyes met and Rey smiled, “I’ll be right over.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Ben offered her the controller, “Here, I’ve been playing for a while.”</p><p>Rey sat up and took it from him. They had taken to playing some games together when she claimed that she hadn’t played any from the Resident Evil franchise, which were some of his favorites. They were playing the seventh one, which he believed to be very much unlike the rest of the series and a step into a different, nuanced genre. She had listened to one of his rants about it over dinner once, and he ended up not being able to wipe the grin off his face when she offered to play them with him. She thought it was really cute, unsurprisingly.</p><p>“For real? You would?” He giddily asked.</p><p>“Sure, why not? They seem fun.”</p><p>His smile continued as he talked about each of them, and how horrible the sixth one was. She listened to him happily, shaking her head at his clear devotion; attempting to ignore the fact that he was being such an adorable dork when he was talking about each game with so much enthusiasm.</p><p>“I am kind of surprised that you haven’t played any of these.” Ben said as he took a swig of his beer after he had given her the controller.</p><p>She shrugged her shoulders and concentrated on her task, “You’re much more into the horror genre than I am.”</p><p>“But they are such a staple.”</p><p>“Well I am playing them now, aren’t I?”</p><p>Rey heard him chuckle, “That’s true. I am only surprised because you love <em>The Last of Us </em>so much.”</p><p>“Oh my <em>god</em>, this guy again? How many times do I have to kill him?!” She yelled when one of the characters, Jack, that she was sure she had taken care of, jumped onto the screen again.</p><p>“Quite a few times. He really doesn’t want to die.”</p><p>“I am realizing that.”</p><p>There was silence while she tried to take care of the problem on screen, which was defeating Jack. Rey concentrated on her task as much as she could and continued on in victory, exploring the rest of the large house they were in.</p><p>She found herself in the basement, and as she was running down the hallway, turning a corner, a large monster popped out of nowhere, and scared the living daylights out of her, causing her to yelp out loud and throw the controller in the air.</p><p>“What the fuck is that?!” She exclaimed, her hand falling over her rapidly beating chest.</p><p>At her clear terror, Ben was laughing so hard at her that she couldn’t even concentrate on the game and ended up dying. She shot daggers at him from her side of the couch.</p><p>“What is <em>so </em>funny?”</p><p>It took a while for him to calm down, but he was holding his stomach while he spoke, “I’m sorry. That was just, so—holy <em>shit</em>.” He managed to get out in between his guffaws.</p><p>Rey cursed at him, rolled her eyes, and started up her turn again.</p><p>“Rey.”</p><p>She ignored him, heading down to the basement again, this time <em>very</em> much aware that there would be a monster coming out, and she tried to mentally prepare herself for it.</p><p>“Rey, come on.”</p><p>“Shut <em>up</em>! You’re going to make me lose my concentration!” She yelled as she threw a pillow at him.</p><p>He dodged the pillow and kept at it, “Oh don’t be so dramatic.”</p><p>“I swear to Christ Benjamin—”</p><p>“Rey, if you would stop being mad at me for two seconds—”</p><p>“That is like asking me not to breathe.”</p><p>He sighed, “I know,” he said gently, crawling over to her side of the couch and all up in her personal space, “would you please listen to me?”</p><p>Sighing, she paused the game and looked over at him, clearly still annoyed.</p><p>“I’m sorry I laughed.”</p><p>“Okay.” She nodded and unpaused the game.</p><p>“Rey.” He nearly whispered, and then his large hand was over hers on the controller, and that literally stopped her from continuing.</p><p>Her eyes dared to meet his.</p><p>“What?” She asked in a frustrated tone.</p><p>“Why are you so upset?”</p><p>She looked away from him, “Because you were mocking me.”</p><p>“No I wasn’t.”</p><p>“Sure you were, that’s why you thought it was so funny.”</p><p>“Oh my god, no. Rey. I promise I wasn’t laughing at you.”</p><p>She whipped her head back to him, “Then what? <em>What</em> did you find so hilarious?”</p><p>It might have been the trick of the light; they didn’t normally sit on the couch in such a close proximity, but she really thought she saw his cheeks color.</p><p>“That was just…the most adorable thing I have ever seen, I’m sorry.”</p><p>A fresh flush now colored her cheeks, but she was trying not to focus on it, “What?”</p><p>There was a slow smile settling on his face, “Yeah, just seeing you give that little shout and throw the controller in the air…adorable.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him slightly, “<em>How</em>? How was that adorable?”</p><p>He sat back and away from her again, “I don’t know. You’re normally just so strong and tough on the exterior.”</p><p>“So me being jump scared, feeling like my soul left my body is…<em>adorable</em> because normally I’m such a bitch?”</p><p>He had made his way back to his side of the couch at this point and was about to take another drink of his beer before he stopped, mouth gawking at her, “Now is that what I said at all?”</p><p>She crossed her arms, “No, but—”</p><p>“Then <em>don’t </em>put words in my mouth.” He said, sounding a little frustrated.</p><p>“I wasn’t putting words in your mouth! I am just saying what you were implying!”</p><p>He put his beer down on the coffee table and put his head in his hands, “How could you possibly be misinterpreting this?! All I said was—”</p><p>“I know what you said; you don’t need to repeat yourself!”</p><p>“Then why are you so mad at me?!” He questioned, matching her anger with his own.</p><p>“I don’t know! I just—” she huffed, feeling completely flustered, “<em>I </em>just thought <em>you</em> were adorable too when you were talking about how much you loved these games, okay?!” She shouted at him before she could stop herself.</p><p>He looked affronted with furrowed eyebrows, “Then why are we yelling at each other?!”</p><p>“I don’t know!”</p><p>“Well I’m sorry!”</p><p>“I’m sorry too!” She yelled back.</p><p>They both caught their breath and for a couple of moments, and then they were just staring at each other from across the couch, and Rey hadn’t even realized that her hands had formed into fists. Then, at the same time they both started to laugh. When it died down, there was a moment where Rey knew she was still blushing, and she thought that he was, too. They diverted their eyes from each other.</p><p>Certainly, she didn’t know what to make of this, so instead of addressing it, she opted to take the controller out of her lap and started the game again. She didn’t think she was imagining the tension in the room, but Ben was leaning back on the couch again when she looked over at him. She hadn’t really experienced this kind of atmosphere with Ben before. Was that a…<em>moment</em>? Did she just mess it all up? Good Lord, if that <em>were </em>a moment, she must have just ruined completely.</p><p>She took in a deep sigh, and tried to pass it off as her frustration with the game, “I mean, what <em>are </em>these monsters even? They straight up look like they’re made out of shit or something.”</p><p>Ben chortled and leaned forward with his beer in his hand, “They’re made out of mold, actually. But you don’t find that out until much later.”</p><p>“Wow, spoilers!”</p><p>“It doesn’t really ruin anything.”</p><p>“Pssh,” she said as Ben got up to get another beer out of her fridge, and ended up getting one for her too. When he offered it to her already opened, she paused what Ethan was doing in the basement and took it, “well they’re poop monsters from now on. I don’t care what you say.”</p><p>He sat back down, chuckling again, “I think that’s perfect.”</p><p>She passed the controller back to him after she had defeated Jack, <em>again</em>, and Ben laughed as Rey yelled, “Now <em>stay </em>dead,” right before Ethan in the game said the same thing. Rey also laughed at the protagonist, stating her feelings exactly.</p><p>And yes, Rey thought it was entirely too entertaining she had unknowingly named one of Ben’s plants after the main character of this game, and she informed Ben that Ethan in the game was canonically Ethan the plant now as he kept playing.</p><p>He chuckled, “And what did poor Ethan do to deserve such a fate?”</p><p>Rey smiled, observing the only part of Ethan you could really see since the entire game is in a first person perspective, “His hands are too dainty.”</p><p>“Hm,” Ben hummed, “probably why is wife cut one of them off.”</p><p>She laughed, knowing it really had to do with the fact that Mia was possessed by and evil entity, but the dainty hands must have had <em>something</em> to do with it in some small way. Rey held a hand to her chest, “Oh <em>Ethan</em>, your hands are <em>much </em>too delicate!”</p><p>Ben laughed along with her, stopping his game play, “Oh honey, I know that you’ve been missing for three years and I presumed you to be dead this entire time, but can you immediately <em>rid </em>me of one of these accursed tiny hands?!”</p><p>He held up one of his gargantuan frisbee sized hands to her, and Rey snickered at the irony, but proceeded to pretend to cut it off with a chainsaw all the same, to which Ben pretended to dramatically act out the scene, convulsing and everything as Rey finished with her invisible weapon, and he snorted, “Alright, well let me just pick up my own severed hand and put it in my inventory then, no big deal.”</p><p>Rey had to hold her stomach from laughing so much, “Oh my god stop!” She exclaimed and continued with the charade, “here, let me just pour some health juice all over it and you’ll be <em>fine</em>.”</p><p>Their merriment lasted a bit longer and Ben shook his head, “Can you imagine a world where people cut off each other’s hands so willy nilly?”</p><p>Rey scoffed, “No, Benjamin. That would just be <em>absurd</em>,” she claimed, and then sniggered again, “imagine trying to fit one of <em>your </em>hands in your inventory after I chopped it off.”</p><p>Snorting again, Ben held up one of them and smiled, “Yeah, it would <em>definitely</em> take up a couple more precious spots than Ethan’s. Maybe that is the true benefit of having such dainty hands. You’d just have to take mercy on me and resist the urge relieve me of one of them.”</p><p>“Hmmm,” Rey hummed, “no guarantees.”</p><p>Rey watched Ben continue the game and tried not to think about his <em>un</em>dainty hands all over her body while she was most certainly not eradicating him of them, quite the opposite. Those babies could scale her <em>any </em>time.</p><p>She felt herself still laughing a bit when Ben’s phone lit up in between them. When she looked down, she wished she hadn’t as it was a beautiful blonde woman on his screen; she hated that it made her stomach feel like she had just swallowed about fifty rocks. Was this <em>another </em>woman he had been out with? She hated to think of it.</p><p>When he also looked, he paused the game, “Oh, sorry this will take just a second Rey,” he said, answering it on the couch, not even leaving to take the call, “Hey Phas, what’s up?”</p><p>He continued the conversation, “Oh, okay, great…well actually, can I call you later? I’ve kind of got pressing matters to attend to,” he smiled widely, scratching at his nose with one of his fingers, “I’m battling this crazy hillbilly family in Louisiana with hands that are entirely too dainty,” Ben laughed, “it’s a video game Phas,” then his eyes flicked to her, “with Rey.”</p><p>Rey’s throat constricted at his words.</p><p>“Alright, I’ll talk to you, tomorrow good for you? …cool, alright, bye.”</p><p>He hung up and put his phone on the coffee table, “Sorry about that.”</p><p>Rey coughed, feeling like she wasn’t getting enough air, so she decided to take a drink from her beer to cover up the awkwardness she was feeling before she spoke, “O-oh, it’s fine.”</p><p>It looked like Ben was just about to start playing again, but then her shaky words caused his eyes to move back over to her, and he tilted his head at her, “She’s just a friend from law school, Rey. I talk to her about once a month to catch up.”</p><p>It didn’t throw her off that he had a female friend. It didn’t throw her off that he even frequently talked to her on the phone. That was all entirely fine, completely normal, even.</p><p>No, what had thrown her off was that his tone wasn’t combative, it wasn’t annoyed or frustrated; it was…reassuring. Like almost as if he…<em>wanted </em>to assure her that this woman was just a friend…a friend that he had clearly informed the of existence of Rey to.</p><p>
  <em>with Rey.</em>
</p><p>Like it was a normal thing to utter to her. Don’t mind me Phas, I’m just sitting here, acting out ludicrous details of video game characters with Rey.</p><p>
  <em>with Rey.</em>
</p><p>Rey swallowed thickly and decided that she had felt far too many emotions this evening. Well, Rey <em>had </em>been a big part of Ben’s life she supposed, so it didn’t seem that outlandish that he would mention her to one of his friends. Right?</p><p>“It’s really fine Ben. I think it’s nice you have a friend like that.”</p><p>He nodded with a lightness to his eyes. Eyes that looked at her, almost...<em>ardently</em> as they questioned her for more…just…<em>more</em>, staring on, scanning her face and then—</p><p>His eyes went back to Ethan and his delicate hands.</p><p>Well <em>that </em>was something she was entirely unprepared for…she just…couldn’t deal with that right now.</p><p>Throughout the rest of the night, she noticed that they kept getting closer and closer to each other, which wasn’t all that uncommon, as their heads met in the middle, laying across it.</p><p>Ben threw down the controller after yet another character decided to attack Ethan, tossing it violently on the coffee table. Rey looked up from her position and saw him running his massive hands all over his face.</p><p>“I fucking <em>hate </em>this boss fight. Marguerite can <em>suck </em>my <em>dick</em>.” He snarled.</p><p>Rey laughed as she decidedly did <em>not </em>think about sucking Ben’s dick, licking down the length of it to drive him <em>mad</em> and make him writhe around from her mouth— “You mean bug bitch?”</p><p>He swiveled his head at her with his hands raised over his face, “Another nick name?”</p><p>She shrugged and laughed, “Am I wrong?”</p><p>It was true, Marguerite, Jack’s wife, seemed to be obsessed with her bugs that always flew around and attacked poor delicately handed Ethan.</p><p>She looked over to see his grin and shook his head, then continued to play after he grabbed the controller again. He died a few more times, and Rey unfortunately thought the more frustrated he got, the more adorable he got himself. Getting so livid at one point, he had sat up with his brow furrowed in deep concentration. Rey tried to keep her giggle to herself, but she realized that she was not able to when he died yet again. He glared at her and threw a pillow at her.</p><p>“Shut up! You’re going to make me lose my concentration!”</p><p>Using her own words against her, she couldn’t help but break out into more giggles as her back still lay on the couch, “Now who’s being dramatic?”</p><p>He threw down the controller once more, and Rey picked it up, “Perhaps this fight requires a bit more of a…dainty touch, if ya know what I mean. Why don’t I give it a go?”</p><p>With a grunt as his only response, she took that as consent, sitting up again herself, and she tried her own tactics.</p><p>She still ended up dying. And died again. Then once more. <em>This </em>fucking bug bitch.</p><p>“Okay seriously fuck this bug bitch.”</p><p>Ben smiled over at her, “Not so easy, is it?”</p><p>She rolled her eyes and tried again, and when she lost, she and Ben took turns handing the controller back and forth.</p><p>At one point when she was so entirely frustrated and wanted to give the control back to Ben, she found that he had fallen asleep with his legs dangling over the side of the couch like they always did, and she sighed, feeling that ol’ Victorian woman again that took up residence inside of her when she stared at him for too long. She looked at her phone and saw it was nearly three in the morning and figured that she should go to bed herself.</p><p>When she stood up, Rey could not even fathom how he slept like that, all scrunched up with his arms crossed over himself. Even in sleep, his brow was furrowed, which made her laugh a little bit and shake her head. Must have been fighting that big bitch in his sleep. She took the blanket from the back of her couch and draped it over him. As she tucked him in, she dared to graze his hairline with her fingers, and when he didn’t stir, she gently kissed his forehead and sighed.</p><p>“Goodnight Ben.” She whispered.</p><p>She went to bed contemplating the normalcy of their friendship. Was it normal to yell to each other how adorable they thought the other one was like that? Was it normal to reassure a friend that they happened to…have another friend they caught up with on the phone? She didn’t really think so. How was she supposed to do this when it seemed like they had gotten so far into their friendship? Would they, if he so too wished, even be able to cross that line at this point? When she reflected about everything that had transpired, like Ben’s questioning, even perhaps <em>lingering </em>eyes on her, she found what she genuinely didn't even know what to do about it.</p><p>Her eyes drifted to sleep thinking about the many implications of the whole evening. By the time she did, she had already convinced herself that it was all in her head.</p><p>When she woke up, Ben was gone, but there was a note left on a post-it next to her controller that said:</p><p>‘Fuck that bug bitch’</p><p>She laughed to herself and knew she would never be able to throw it away, so, Rey added it to her collection along with the plant names in her nightstand drawer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Y'all after that opener:</p><p> </p><p>Yup, I get it. Take your earrings off and throw hands!</p><p>Lol that was actually fun to write, and I will be taking complaints in the suggestion box riiiight over here →→→→→😵😵😵! Haha okay fr sorry hope you're not too upset with me!</p><p>Anywoo, wow again a hefty chapter with A LOT to digest. What's all this going on here, meeting Leia,  Betty being the ultimate Reylo shipper, and all of the dainty hands?? Haha okay, if you actually want to see that hand scene from the video game, here it is, but it's pretty gory, so I wouldn't suggest watching it if you aren't into that sort of thing: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO2sE1V9Vm0">OH, ETHAN</a>! Also, (again gory) <a href="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/jTeE1m2uyDE/maxresdefault.jpg">poop monsters</a>. <a href="https://cdn.gamer-network.net/2017/usgamer/resident-evil-7-mutated-marguerite.jpg/EG11/thumbnail/1920x1080/format/jpg/quality/65/11-12-2017-resident-evil-7-beating-the-mutated-marguerite-boss-fight.jpg">Bug bitch</a>.</p><p>AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, <a href="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/a6/cc/cd/a6cccd18773246a434ed4b679ee1d2b5.jpg">BABY BEN</a>. The one she loved so much and wanted to make her lockscreen is the bottom left. ADORBS. Oh, and the <a href="https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/5d8a4b31cd3b7e67f9e15748/1573159269341-4NPRD5CZZELZBAPJXWC9/E-apache-plume.jpg?format=1500w&amp;content-type=image%2Fjpeg">Apache Plume</a> flower Rey so lovingly took care of!</p><p>CAN YOU BELIEVE that we have hit 100k? And STILL no boinking?? Fuck, why do y'all put up with me?? For reals it won't be too much longer, I promise! Thank you for all of your patience, please know my gratitude is real and all of the comments, kudos, and hits FUEL me to keep going. I am telling you these horny idiots will never stop boning once it finally happens, you guys have earned it lol.</p><p>LOOKSY HERE, A <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">TUMBLR</a> LINK!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>My haunted lungs<br/>Ghost in the sheets<br/>I know if I’m haunting you, you must be haunting me</p><p>My wicked tongue<br/>Where will it be<br/>I know if I’m onto you, you must be onto me<br/>It's what we see<br/>I know if I’m haunting you, you must be haunting me</p><p>It’s where we go<br/>It’s where we’ll be<br/>I know if I’m onto you, I’m onto you<br/>Onto you, I’m onto you<br/>Onto you, you must be onto me</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpA57LU8Z1A">Haunted</a>” –Beyoncé</p><p>Okay, also, I just want to say that this is one of my FAVORITE chapters that I have just been ecstatic about sharing; however, this is very IMPORTANT...I would be remiss if I didn't inform you that there is a trigger warning for slight sexual violence. It really isn't extreme, but if you want to skip this chapter, I would totally understand. It's not until the very end, so honestly you could read the entire thing until the chapter breaks, and you'd be fine. If you still wanted to read and just skip over that brief part, it starts at “Uh—huh. Look—” and ends at “Seeing her eyes, he finally seemed to understand.”</p><p>Thank you all for understanding, and trust me, you'll enjoy this chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Okay, so for Finn’s birthday, I think we settled on that place on Ventura.” Rose said to Rey over the phone while Rey was trying to figure out this particular ventilation system at work.</p><p>“Yeah, I think he’d like that place. It has a nice outdoor area too.”</p><p>“Great!” Rose exclaimed, “And you can invite Jess or…whoever else you want to invite.”</p><p>“Just say it Rose.” She said, slipping her finger on something sharp and wincing, sucking on the digit immediately.</p><p>“Okay, you can invite hot neighbor boy.”</p><p>Rey was hoping that one day that name wouldn’t make her wince every time she heard it.</p><p>“I would have thought Finn would have done that already.”</p><p>Rose giggled, “Oh he definitely <em>wants</em> to, but he figured that you would want to do the honors.”</p><p>“Hm,” she hummed, “and why…is that?”</p><p>Rey envisioned a devious smile on Rose’s face, “Because…we know it wouldn’t be…easy for you.”</p><p>Rey did a reflexive face palm and sighed, “And why do you insist on torturing me anymore that I already am on a constant basis?”</p><p>There was a bout of maniacal laughter, “So y’all can just fuck already.”</p><p>Rey just sighed again.</p><p>That night, Ben had gotten home late. For some reason, the notion of inviting Ben made her really nervous. Why? She didn’t really know. With everything that she had been through with Ben, she thought it <em>would</em> have been easy, but…she supposed perhaps it was the implications of the gesture.</p><p>She called him as he was sitting on his couch, still in his suit.</p><p>He looked over at her while he answered.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Hey, what are you doing on Friday night?”</p><p>“I have plans with Poe.”</p><p>“Oh,” her heart sank, “never mind then.”</p><p>He sat up straighter, “What is it?”</p><p>She but her lip, unsure if she would just drop it, but she knew she wouldn’t, “It’s Finn’s birthday. He wanted me to invite you.”</p><p>“<em>Well</em>,” he started “I’m offended, why didn’t he just invite me himself?”</p><p>What a <em>great </em>question.</p><p>“I was just talking to Rose about it earlier on the phone. I know he really wants you to be there. He’s probably just busy.”</p><p>“Hmm, I’ll have to text him and tell him how hurt I am, but…I can ask Poe if we can reschedule.”</p><p>Rey’s stomach did a flip. How did he <em>still</em> have the ability to do that, “I wouldn’t want you to change your plans around.”</p><p>“No,” he said softly, “I would want to be there, really.”</p><p>She began to walk over to her stove and put on the kettle, “Well…Rose did say whoever. I am sure you could invite Poe too. I’ll check with Rose, but I am sure it will be fine.”</p><p>He got up from his couch, walking around in his <em>suit</em>. Had Rey ever even seen up close in one of those babies? What a shame, “I’ll ask him. He’d probably want to come. Any opportunity to meet new people.”</p><p>Rey laughed; she still had never met Poe, only ever seen him from a distance, “You two are rather different, aren’t you?”</p><p>He laughed, “That’s putting it lightly.”</p><p>Ben had told her about Poe and how they had been friends since they were kids, growing up in the same high society circles. Quite frankly, she wanted to shake the man’s hand as Ben told her he was one of the only people in his life that stuck up for him, even when the other kids would make fun of him. It was an interesting feeling with the juxtaposition of still wanting to hit him for downloading a dating app on Ben’s phone. He said Poe was a very outgoing person, but they somehow managed to remain friends.</p><p>“I would like to meet Poe, actually.”</p><p>She saw Ben’s smile from her kitchen, “I think you guys would get along rather nicely.”</p><p>They met eyes.</p><p>“What should I get Finn?”</p><p>Rey shrugged, “Since I don’t think you can bring a full cooked meal to him where we’re going, maybe just settle on some nice whiskey. You know he likes that.”</p><p>“I mean, I can try smuggling it into the place.” Ben joked while loosening his tie. It made Rey want to whimper. <em>Get a </em>grip <em>Kenobi it’s just a suit!</em></p><p>Giggling, Rey turned to get a mug out of the cupboard, “Alright, well you work on that while I finish up my emails. This should be entertaining for the evening.”</p><p> </p><p>Friday came, and Rey was apprehensive yet again over actually becoming acquainted with Poe. She was supposed to be meeting them at Ben’s apartment after she was done getting ready. When Rey asked Rose if Poe could come, she had told her as long as he didn’t try to set Ben up with any women there. Rey inwardly agreed.</p><p>“You know that we’ve <em>extensively</em> established that our relationship is platonic, right?” Rey said to her. Rose knew this. She certainly knew this because Rey reminded her of this nearly every other day. And as of lately, Rey didn’t really know how to feel about all of it with Ben. Just about…everything.</p><p>She really didn’t deserve him, anyway.</p><p>Rose, however, was still not convinced that Ben did not return her feelings and had now taken to calling them both dumb dumbs.</p><p>“Yeah, sure. Maybe some liquid courage would kick you guys into gear.”</p><p>Rey sighed at her, “Whatever Rose.”</p><p>There was a silence on the phone for a few seconds and Rey sighed, thinking of last week.</p><p>“We kind of, <em>maybe </em>had this…moment.”</p><p>She thought she could see the sort of blink Rose was doing like the white guy blinking meme, “Yes, and what did this <em>moment</em> entail?”</p><p>Rey snorted, thinking of the ridiculousness of it, “We kind of…shouted how adorable we thought one another is in a frustrated manner while playing video games.”</p><p>Rose was silent and then had a spell of laughter before she spoke again, “Are you serious?”</p><p>“…Yes.”</p><p>“Fuck, that is the most Rey and Ben shit I have ever heard.”</p><p>Rey smiled at Rose’s words, and oddly enough, they made her feel special, “I suppose so.”</p><p>“Then what happened?”</p><p>“We…kind of just laughed and kept playing…but I swear Rose, I <em>swear </em>there was tension for a while after that. And I think I ruined the moment,” she exhaled, shaking her head, “now I am pretty sure that I was making shit up in my head again…and <em>then</em> his female friend called to catch up, and after he hung up, he immediately reassured me that she was just a friend.”</p><p>Rose sighed and Rey knew she was in for some of the old Tico advice, “Well, if you guys <em>are</em> still going to be on that Rey and Ben shit, I <em>promise </em>you, there will be another one. Trust me, it is not all in your head, okay?”</p><p>She told Rose to can it, but only hoped that she was right.</p><p>Now she was walking out of her room, all made up in her best ‘I am <em>not </em>trying to make Ben notice me’ attire. She thought of the night she had slept with greeting card guy, and she shuddered. This time, Rey was sure the evening was going to end very differently; the sex would be nice, <em>preferred</em> even, but obviously not with someone who makes a living writing cheesy sentiments in cards, but someone who defends people in court. But Rey knew she had to give that hope up. She luckily hadn’t had an erotic dream about him since that blue balls almost window fucking one.</p><p>She looked over and saw that Poe was already at Ben’s. This all felt so strange. Poe was Ben’s longest, probably most important friend. What if he didn’t like her? What if he told Ben that he didn’t approve her? Suddenly Poe’s opinion of her was extremely important to her, much like Leia’s was. That went okay, so this should too, right? By the time she got to his door, she was shaking. She took a deep breath and opened it as she was sure they saw her coming.</p><p>They were both sitting on the couch, and Poe got up from his seat, a huge smile plastered on his face, “Enchantée!” He greeted her, taking her hand and kissing it. Yes, him and Ben were <em>extremely</em> different, “it is so nice to finally meet you, neighbor girl.”</p><p>“Neighbor girl?” She asked with confusion.</p><p>Ben stood behind Poe, leering at him.</p><p>“Oh, Ben never told you his nickname for you?” Poe asked as he dropped her hand.</p><p>She gave a flabbergasted expression and looked to Ben, “No, in fact he did not.”</p><p>Poe also looked to him, and said Ben was turning extremely red, “Well I am not surprised. He’s shy, this one.”</p><p>Ben sighed and ran his hand through his hair, “Remind me why I invited you again?”</p><p>“Because,” Poe started and gave a small dance, “I know how to party!”</p><p>“That’s…not a good reason.” Ben concluded.</p><p>Poe just kept shimmying, paying no mind to Ben’s comment. Rey was already loving their dynamic.</p><p>“Come on Benji, lighten up, <em>live</em> a little!” Poe said as he started to roll his arms.</p><p>Rey and Ben exchanged a glance in which he looked annoyed and she was grinning her head off.</p><p>“The sad part is he’s not even drunk.” Ben said begrudgingly.</p><p>Poe clapped, “Not yet!” Exclaiming as he grabbed both their arms, “let’s go kids!”</p><p>When their Uber arrived, Poe immediately went to sit in the front, giving them a wink before he settled in his seat. They got in the back, and seeing Ben in this small of a backseat was almost comical as it looked like his chin had to go up against his knees.</p><p>Poe immediately started to make conversation with the driver while they sat in silence for a bit. Rey decided she just had to break it.</p><p>“Neighbor girl, huh?”</p><p>“Rey.” He said pointedly.</p><p>“No, I just think it’s funny.”</p><p>Ben sighed, holding Finn’s present in his lap. Hers sat in the middle of them.</p><p>“Well, it wasn’t as embarrassing as mine at least.” Rey said, actually trying to be comforting. Truth be told, it was an odd mixture of feelings it gave her, knowing he had given one to her too. She thought it was immensely entertaining that it was practically the same as hers, but obviously disappointed that there was no aforementioned ‘hot’ in front of it. She guessed she shouldn’t have been surprised.</p><p>“I should have known Poe would try to embarrass me right off the bat.” Ben exasperated.</p><p>“It’s cause I love ya, buddy!” Poe called from the front.</p><p>Rey smiled and looked to him, “Ben,” he glanced at her, “it’s fine…at least it’s all out in the open now, right?”</p><p>He nodded at her, adjusting himself, seemingly not being able to get into a comfortable position, “Right.”</p><p>Once they arrived, they immediately spotted where Finn’s party was in the outdoor area where there were plenty of couches and tables. Jess was already there with some of Finn’s friends that she knew and a couple of Rose’s friends from work. Introductions were made and people started to mill around on their own. Rey made her way to Finn and sat next to him, Ben following her. Poe had already started talking to one of Rose’s attractive coworkers. She was not shocked at all.</p><p>“Happy Birthday.” Rey said, handing him her present.</p><p>He took it, smiling, “Thanks Peanut!”</p><p>Ben handed Finn his as well, and Finn made a comment saying he wasn’t expecting anything from him, but he was hoping it was a fully cooked meal. Rey looked to Ben and mouthed ‘I told you so.’</p><p>“Sorry, I couldn’t figure out how to do that, but you can come over anytime and I’ll cook you whatever you want.”</p><p>Finn pointed to him, “Ima hold you to that, Solo.”</p><p>Ben held up his hands, and smiled.</p><p>The evening went on, they all laughed, they drank. She and Ben shared a tab and she ate, quite a bit of course. For being as nervous as she was, she certainly was having a good time now that it was happening. It felt…too normal. She joked with Finn and made new ones with Poe when he came and actually joined them at one point. He put his arm around Ben.</p><p>“He tell you about his nickname in school Rey?”</p><p>“You mean besides ear boy?” Rey asked, giggling.</p><p>Poe threw his head back in laughter and took a swig of his dark looking drink, “No! But I am <em>amazed </em>he told you about that one.”</p><p>“<em>Poe</em>.” Ben said sternly.</p><p>“Get this, get this, my boy here gets into this fight, like fists flying, broken noses and everything with this other guy because a group of them were making fun of him. They were calling him your highness because his mom was you know, the mayor,” he explained, taking another drink, “so then after that the name just stuck, but even being royal didn’t stop Benny Boy and the other guy from getting suspended.”</p><p>Rey sat back and crossed her arms. Ben’s eyes were starting down his own drink on the table.</p><p>“Ben, you were holding out on me! Turns out you <em>did </em>have a badass streak.”</p><p>Poe gave a short laugh and moved on to talking to Rose’s coworker again.</p><p>“Why didn’t you want to tell me about that, your highness?”</p><p>Ben finally met her eyes with a pained expression.</p><p>“Oh, lighten up <em>Benji</em>,” Rey teased, her head starting to swim from the alcohol. Ben sighed and she patted his enormous thigh, “I actually think it’s a very fitting nick name.”</p><p>He shook his head and tipped back his glass, “Thanks.”</p><p>Even after knowing him for this long, Ben was somehow still such an enigma to her. With as much as she knew, she was now realizing that he could be keeping things from her. Lord knows she was doing the same, so she couldn’t blame him. It’s not like he was obligated to tell her everything about his life. Rey was just happy to hear it from yet another perspective. She was pleased that she had met Poe, despite her previous anguish with him. He brought out this other side to Ben that she had never seen, just like Rose and Finn had for her.</p><p>Ben and Rey got up and went to the bar, and Poe was there, too. Rey sat there in fascination, loving to hear the two reminisce. She lost it when she heard the story of how they played a trick on Ben’s butler—Rey was still stunned by the idea that people actually <em>had</em> those—Caesar, but they called him Threepio for some reason.</p><p>“Man, that guy was so uptight!” Poe yelled. She liked seeing them laugh together.</p><p>Ben smiled into his drink, “Yeah, we were pretty relentless to him though. My mom was not happy that time we replaced all of his sugar with salt and nearly gave him a stroke when he drank his tea.”</p><p>Poe sat up and stiffened his posture, “Oh my, Mistress Organa, your son is…a little devil child.” He said in a high pitch, almost robotic like voice. Rey figured it was an impersonation of some kind because they both began to laugh.</p><p>Rey was still laughing herself when she had to go to the bathroom. Jess happened to be in there, too.</p><p>“Girl, you weren’t kidding about that massive <em>brick</em>! Pleease tell me you’ve made more headway with Mr. Broad Shoulders out there.”</p><p>Sighing, Rey shook her hands after she was done washing them, “Don’t even get me started, Jess. We’re still just friends.”</p><p>“Oh no,” Jess said, turning to her, “no no no, <em>no</em> one is <em>just friends </em>with that man. Rey, you need to get on that and climb him like a tree!”</p><p>Rey couldn’t even <em>describe </em>how badly she wanted to scale him at this point, but she had to explain her predicament, “He’s not interested in me like that, okay? We’ve already talked about it.”</p><p>Jess’ mouth formed in a line, “Do you want him?”</p><p>Rey grunted, “<em>Yes</em>. Soooo badly.” The alcohol was making her say things.</p><p>Jess turned Rey so they were looking in the mirror, “And have you seen you? There is no way he wouldn’t want you.”</p><p>She couldn’t look at her own reflection soon enough, “Well, he seemed to have found a way.”</p><p>“Oh god, <em>no</em>. Just…go out there and take him to the dance floor or something. Don’t even think about it.”</p><p>Rey looked up at her, “You think he’d want to?”</p><p>Jess tilted her head at her and rolled her eyes, “<em>Ugh</em>, okay, seriously you need to have more confidence in yourself! You are <em>gorgeous </em>Rey! And I am certain he thinks so too.”</p><p>Sighing, Rey said she would try and left the bathroom. When she made her way back to the bar, Poe was talking with Rose’s coworker again, but there was another girl sitting in her seat. She was laughing and touched Ben’s arm. It made Rey <em>fume</em>. Nope, not dealing with <em>this </em>shit again. No, sir.</p><p>Rey approached them and Ben turned to her, smiling. The girl was not so friendly, “This the girl you were telling me about?”</p><p>He nodded while the girl got up, “Don’t worry honey,” she said in a clipped tone, “just keeping the seat warm for you.” She sneered, bumping past Rey.</p><p>Well, that was uncalled for.</p><p>Whatever, she was now not thinking about it, like Jess said. She decided that she would need more alcohol if she were going to do this, so she ordered each of them a shot.</p><p>Rey was staring at Ben after they both threw them back and he started to look confused, “What?”</p><p>Rey shook her head, and just decided to go with it, grabbing Ben’s arm and leading him. It was very reminiscent of the many times she had experienced leading men around.</p><p>Taking him to the dance floor, she turned to him once they were swallowed by the crowd. He was towering over her, and she felt anxious. Before, she tried not to think about how handsome he looked in his button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, but now he was here, and his arms were starting to encircle her waist. His hands grazed her skin where her top rode up. Wherever he touched her, it felt like burning as they moved together. Rey’s hands made their own work of sliding up his arms; the first time she was really able to touch all of that skin and muscles that she practically <em>ached </em>to for so long. She couldn’t look in his eyes because it all felt so unreal to her.</p><p>This wasn’t fair. Up until this point, Rey was pretty convinced that she had already been friend-zoned, so…what was this about? She couldn’t be here like this with him. If he didn’t have the same attraction to her as she did him, then why was his breath so close on her face? Why did she practically feel his mouth on her hairline as he pulled her tighter against him?</p><p>They felt so close, and Rey wasn’t sure what she should do. This didn’t feel right to her—well, it felt <em>incredible</em>, but not in the sense where she knew they were both drunk and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable by wanting to jump him, or feel like she was taking advantage of their intoxication…but she figured she would stay here and dance with him if he was willing.</p><p>“You look really nice tonight.” Ben leaned down to whisper into her ear. He had never said anything like that to before, so she had to attribute it to the alcohol.</p><p>She smiled and stood on her tip toes into whisper in his, “So do you, your highness.”</p><p>Now he was grinning and went to her ear again, “I like it a lot better when you say it.”</p><p>Very much like the night where they were playing <em>Resident Evil VII </em>together, she found herself questioning if this is this what friends did. Did they dance with each other closely and whisper compliments back and forth? She certainly knew she wasn’t going to do that with Rose, although she guessed she wouldn’t be completely disconcerted with the idea if it were to happen for some reason, but her body would most definitely be responding very differently. Not like it was now. Her body was practically singing being thing close to Ben, his hands still on her skin. Her hands had made their way up to his neck, and she was to tempted to run her fingers through the locks at the nape of his neck. Instead, she pushed her body to be flushed with his as her arms wrapped around him and her face was met with his chest. It felt so right, being here with him.</p><p> She also felt so hot, in more ways than one, so hot in fact that it was a shock to her system when she felt a cold drink spill down her back.</p><p>She jumped, almost losing her balance, so Ben had to catch her. Whipping around, she saw that it was that same girl from before at the bar. What was this girl’s deal, seriously?</p><p>“Oh, I am so sorry! I got bumped and my arm slipped. Don’t worry though, it was just a vodka soda.”</p><p>Rey was staring wildly at her, and Ben held her shoulders.</p><p>“Sometimes I’m just so clumsy!” The girl exclaimed and jerked passed her again. Rey stood very still for a few moments, processing what just happened.</p><p>Thankfully, Rey’s top was pretty strappy in the back, so she didn’t expect that much of the drink had gotten on it. Then she felt Ben’s hands on her, wiping at her back.</p><p>“I think you’ll be fine. It doesn’t look like much got on you.” He said, but then his hands lingered, and Rey leaned into his touch as they found their way to her waist once again. Rey breathed in as he engulfed her more and she very nearly fell over again. What she really wanted to do was press herself completely against him, grinding her backside into his front, but she held back, having to be nearly satisfied with the contact they were making now. She got so lost in the moment; she really wasn’t sure how long they stood there for as the music blended into the background. Ben tucked some of her hair behind her ear, and his fingers danced on her skin for a few moments before his breath was on the back of that same ear. It really wasn’t fair how turned on it made her.</p><p>“Rey! There you are! Oh.” Rey heard Rose’s voice say. She looked to her and Rose appeared to be almost embarrassed to have found them like that, “Sorry, we’re just about to sing Happy Birthday to Finn.”</p><p>She nodded, and didn’t even feel upset for being interrupted. Rey felt simply thankful for being able to have spent the time with Ben that she had. They followed Rose back to where the rest of the party was, and she felt Ben’s hand on the small of her back as they left the dance floor. Rose gave her pleading eyes and Rey waved her off.</p><p>They sang to Finn, and he looked so joyful. Rey found her way to him once the song was over and hugged him from the side, “Happy Birthday Finn. I am so glad you’re my best friend.”</p><p>He leaned into her, embracing her back, “Oh, I love when you get all affectionate when you’re drunk. I am glad you’re my best friend too.”</p><p>Rey smiled at him and buried herself in his shoulder.</p><p>“What’s got you all smiley, huh?”</p><p>She sighed, “I don’t know, I just feel happy for once. And thankful. Look how many people I have in my life I get to be thankful for. I haven’t always had that.”</p><p>Pulling away from him, Finn tipped her chin up to him, “That’s right. You do have all these people around that love you.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes drifted to Ben who was with Poe, laughing.</p><p>“How’s that going?” Finn asked, following her gaze.</p><p>She smiled and tilted her head on Finn’s shoulder, “I don’t really know, and for once I am not worrying about it. It is what it is. I am just happy to spend time with him.”</p><p>“Well I think that’s a great attitude to have.”</p><p>Rey nodded.</p><p>“Why don’t you go over there and tell him that? I think you’re juuust intoxicated enough to actually be able to say it to him.” Finn suggested, nudging her slightly.</p><p>She turned to Finn as she stood up, walking backwards grabbing his hands and then letting go. Rey just might do that; what a good idea. But how could she even put into words what this man meant to her? She would have to find a way because now she was plopping herself next to him.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>He faced her and smiled, “Hey.”</p><p>She did the same side embrace with Ben as she had with Finn. Wow, she really was in a drunken affectionate state. His hands laid over hers on his midsection. Rey leaned her head on his shoulder.</p><p>“Have I ever told you how glad I am that I met you?” She asked him, boldly for once.</p><p>He grinned, looking down at his lap, “No.”</p><p>“Well, I <em>am</em>. I am so glad that ugly half-naked guy moved out and you, sometimes half-naked guy moved in.”</p><p>Ben chuckled, “Is that my new nickname now?”</p><p>“It can be.”</p><p>“Just as long as yours can be never wears pants around the house girl.”</p><p>“Excuse me! I’m at home. Why would I wear pants?”</p><p>He laughed, shaking his head, “I wasn’t making fun of you, trust me.”</p><p>She pulled away from him so she could meet his eyes, “Ben! I am trying to be serious here!”</p><p>He nodded, “Okay, go on miss no pants.”</p><p>Shoving his shoulder before she continued, she suddenly felt the need to grab one of his giant hands. One of the very same that was so gently holding her earlier, “Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me. For listening to me, and forcefully cooking for me, and throwing out most of my unhealthy food because I know you’re only looking out for me, for feeing Bebe whenever I’ve been away, and watching tv and playing video games with me, for naming all of my plants, and just being <em>there</em> for me. You…”</p><p>She wanted to say that he meant a lot to her. How much, she couldn’t put into words. She remembered how alone she felt after her grandfather’s email all that time ago and how much she had isolated herself, and how much she thought she wasn’t even on B’s radar once his girlfriend stepped in. That all felt like it was a lifetime ago. The man sitting before her now, with everything he had ever done for her, still felt like coming home, like <em>belonging</em>, and now she had her hand in his. She didn’t want to cry, so she stopped herself, “Just, thank you.”</p><p>His eyes drifted downwards and he squeezed her hands, “You’re welcome.”</p><p>Smiling as what Rey felt like an idiot, she let go of his hand and made to sit back up, but then he grabbed hers once more, “Thank you too. Thank you for putting up with me.”</p><p>His words were slow and careful, and Rey could tell that he was really concentrating on what he was saying. He was probably trying not to slur.</p><p>Her brows knit in confusion, “Putting up with you?”</p><p>Ben sighed and looked down into his lap, “I know I’m…a lot to deal with.”</p><p>“A lot—no you’re not!”</p><p>He was shaking his head and he wouldn’t meet her eyes, “I…don’t have the best temper, I can be grumpy and just downright <em>unpleasant</em>, and…in the past, I—have just been trying my best to be better.”</p><p>“I think you’re the best.” She said simply.</p><p>Ben finally found her gaze and he eyes looked <em>so </em>sad. It truly broke Rey’s heart. She didn’t think she had ever seen him look so upset. He exhaled deeply, “No, I’m <em>not</em>. Rey, you don’t know—”</p><p>“Oh no <em>no</em>,” Rey started, suddenly grabbing his face so hard, and then she was squishing his cheeks together, “you don’t get to talk to me like that Benjamin Anakin Solo. Your opinion is wrong,” she insisted and then kept squeezing his face in-between each of her words, “you—are—great.”</p><p>She released him, and it all seemed worth it because the smile he rewarded her with made her feel so warm and content.</p><p>“Okay, okay fine.”</p><p>They beamed at each other widely, and Rey felt her heart soar, “I’m glad you came tonight.”</p><p>He surprised her by reaching over and rested his hand on her thigh, “Me too.”</p><p>Spending the rest of the evening either joking around with Poe—Rey could simply not get <em>enough</em> watching him with Ben and listening to their stories—or spending time with Finn and Rose.</p><p>As they sat there with the group, Poe asked Finn the last time someone bought him a birthday shot.</p><p>“You know, I am not really sure.” He said, surveying the rest of them with one of his fingers on his chin.</p><p>“I could buy you one,” Poe claimed, raising his arms in a little dance, “it’s your birthday after all, and we need to party like it’s your birthday!”</p><p>Ben threw his hand up in front of Poe, “Well, not if I buy him one first.”</p><p>Poe smiled deviously at him, “Is that a challenge Solo?”</p><p>Ben was about to open his mouth with no doubt some kind of retort when Finn interrupted, “Hey now! What if I wanted to buy <em>you </em>guys shots?”</p><p>The three of them all traded a look before they were all scrambling to stand up to see who could reach the bar the fastest. Rey and Rose exchanged an eye roll together and laughed. Idiots.</p><p>Ben had the advantage with sheer mass, shoving himself in front of the two shorter men. He even startled the bartender, “It’s okay, buddy. I’ll get you those shots right away, alright there big foot?”</p><p>Rey laughed behind him, having followed them to the bar. Apparently, that’s what everyone observed about her enormous neighbor. Ben looked to her, hearing her laughter and tipped his head to the bartender, “Get one for her too. She’s got quite the mouth on her, that one.”</p><p>She scoffed, sauntering over to the boys, “What, is this a punishment or something?”</p><p>Ben smiled, handing Rey her shot, “You’re welcome.”</p><p>“Hey! Now I feel left out.” Rose said, approaching them too.</p><p>Ben furrowed his eyebrows at her, “<em>So</em> sorry, Miss Tico,” he turned to the bartender, and he was already pouring another shot.</p><p>Everyone’s shots in hand, Ben held up his, “Happy Birthday, Finnegan!”</p><p>They all cheers to him, throwing their them back and placing them all on the bar after they were done.</p><p>“Thank you guys, really!” Finn smiled, starting to do a little dance himself, “I feel like such a special birthday boy!”</p><p>They all laughed and Ben put his arm around him, but then looked to Poe and put his arm around him as well, bringing them into himself, “My favorite short kings.”</p><p>Rey didn’t think she had seen something so entirely stupid and precious at the same time.</p><p>Poe smiled up at him, “My favorite <em>squatch</em>. I love you too, buddy.”</p><p>Finn also laughed, “Yeah, what did I do without this squatch in my life this <em>whole</em> time?!”</p><p>Rey snorted, pulling out her phone, determined to take a picture of this, which she was able to just before  Ben shook his head smiling and squeezed them before he let go.</p><p>As the festivities went on, Rose and Finn more and more started to get, wrapped up in each other, so Rey thought it was best to leave them alone. Jess came and wanted to meet Ben, too, so Rey introduced them and Ben asked her what Rey was like at work.</p><p>“Oh, you know she’s pretty bossy, even though she’s not even our boss. Won’t let anyone stop until we’ve hit our goal for the day. Real annoying.”</p><p>“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Ben teased and Rey went to hit him, but he was prepared and caught her fist, “calm down feisty.”</p><p>Jess smiled at them snidely, but didn’t say anything.</p><p>At the end of the night, Rey had laughed so much that her stomach hurt. Without thinking about it, she checked her phone and frowned, halting her merriment completely. ‘Greeting Card Guy (Jensen)’ had called her three times. That was odd. After their tryst, he had tried texting her a couple of times, to which she just sent back one word replies, so she figured he finally got the picture, and really, their one night stand was like, <em>centuries</em> ago. It was peculiar that he was trying to call her now. She was sitting at a table outside, watching Ben and Poe trying to reenact an old childhood handshake and failing. She was laughing hysterically until she saw that on her screen.</p><p>“No, no it was fist bump fist bump then the turn, and then the high five!” Poe said with a flourish of his hand, “that big lawyer brain of yours obviously had to make more room for like, laws and stuff.” He said, poking at Ben’s temple with two fingers.</p><p>Ben furrowed an eyebrow, “Is that what you think being a lawyer is? Laws and stuff?”</p><p>“Well, am I wrong?” He asked.</p><p>Ben glared and then grinned, “No, it was the high five first and then the fist bumps.”</p><p>“Wh<em>aaa</em>t?! That doesn’t even make any sense! Wouldn’t you want to end with the high five?” And before Ben could say anything, Poe kept going, “we need a second opinion on this, Rey!”</p><p>Rey was pulled away from her phone screen; Jensen just texted her and asked her what she was doing, “Huh?”</p><p>“You need to tell us which way makes more sense.” Poe stated, pointing his hand at her.</p><p>She told them to proceed, putting her phone down because she was not equipped to deal with that right now. They tried it Ben’s way—Poe couldn’t stop commenting about how wrong it looked—and then they tried Poe’s way.</p><p>“See? Doesn’t that make so much more sense?” Poe asked expectantly.</p><p>Rey looked at them and tried to hard not to giggle, “I think you’re both idiots.”</p><p>“Aww, Rey, what no,” Ben said, approaching her and getting on his knees in front of her, “I’m a lawyer, so you have to listen to me,” Rey nodded at him, so he continued, “this is very important, if you end with the fist bump,” Ben held out his fist, gesturing for Rey to hold out hers, “you can end with the finale,” he said, bumping hers and then making an exploding noise and which he emphasized with his hand, “see?”</p><p>Rey had always thought drunk Ben was so entirely endearing, but now, if it was possible, he was even more adorable than usual. She still just wanted to kiss his stupid face, “What a sound argument Benjamin.”</p><p>Poe was standing behind them with his hands on his hips, “You’re not playing fair Benji, don’t give her those puppy dog eyes of yours to get what you want!”</p><p>Ben turned his head to face Poe, and then stood, “That is so funny coming from you Dameron. I’m just right, and I am glad Rey could see my side of the argument.”</p><p>Poe appeared to be angry, but then gave an all out grin, “Oh, no those eyes are working on me now! I can’t stay mad at you!”</p><p>They then did the handshake Ben’s way, and Rey thought was again being faced with something that possibly the dumbest and at the same time the best thing she had ever seen in her life. She made sure to have her phone ready for this too, recording it because she just knew she would want to taunt him later with all of it.</p><p>Ben bowed out to go to the bathroom after they did the explosion at the end, and after he was gone Poe walked over to Rey and sat next to her.</p><p>“You know, he seems happier since you came into his life. A lot…lighter.” Poe said abruptly.</p><p>Rey stared at him, confused, “What?”</p><p>Shifting his weight, Poe turned his head to her, “It doesn’t seem like it, but that brooding mountain is actually mad sensitive.”</p><p>“Oh, I…have been kind of gathering that much.”</p><p>Poe crossed his arms and stared at her quite hard, “Just…don’t hurt him, like intentionally. He’s been through a lot.”</p><p>Rey didn’t even know what to think besides how much she at once resented this man, and herself. Now he was telling her not to hurt his best friend, “Poe, I think you have the wrong impression about Ben and I.”</p><p>“And what impression is that supposed to be?” He asked her with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>She opened her mouth to answer, but then nothing came out. Rey was reminded of Leia’s words to her not too long ago, ‘I am glad that he has someone like you in his life.’ Honestly, she didn’t know what to say, “Just, Ben means a lot to me, okay?” Her words were slow and clunky, but she hoped that her sincerity was bleeding through.</p><p>He nodded curtly, “Good.”</p><p>As if on cue, Ben emerged from the bathroom and Poe stood to greet him and then he whispered something in his ear while he embraced him. He turned to Rey one more time, winked, and then left, throwing his arms around the same girl he had been talking to all night and some other guy that Rey didn’t know. Ben came and sat next to her; whatever Poe could have said to him made her nervous, and intoxicated Rey had the courage to ask.</p><p>“What did Poe say to you?”</p><p>Ben smiled, “He said he was going home with those two people.”</p><p>Sighing from relief, Rey chuckled when she glanced at Poe, seemingly charming the pants off of both the girl and the guy he was chatting up with that mellifluous tongue of his.</p><p>“He’s a smarmy little bastard too, isn’t he?”</p><p>“Oh for sure,” Ben nodded his head vigorously, “and he’ll sleep with anything with a pulse.”</p><p>Rey smiled, “I can see that.”</p><p>“But…he’s my best friend and I love him. Wouldn’t trade him in for anything. Even though he’s an asshole.”</p><p>“I know what you mean.” She said, smiling at Ben’s affection and thinking of how often Finn pissed her off, but she loved him and would do anything for him.</p><p>They sat in silence for a minute or so.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay? You were a little quiet earlier.”</p><p>She had no idea how he picked up on her mood over not wanting to deal with greeting card guy’s for certain hints at a booty call when he was so wrapped up in his nostalgia with Poe, so she was fairly surprised that he was inquiring about it.</p><p>“Yeah, no I’m fine. I think I just got lost in thought.”</p><p>“Oh, okay,” he nodded, and Rey wondered if that would be the end of the conversation because she really did not want to divulge any details over her one-night-stand to him. He spoke up again though, “hey you know what would cheer you up?”</p><p>She turned her head to him, “What’s that?”</p><p>He rose his hands to her with his fingers dancing, and from that she already knew what it was before he started, so she practically tripped out of her seat to try to get away from him.</p><p>“Chicken fingers!” He chanted, which is something he quite often did to either make her smile or really annoy her ever since he did it with actual raw chicken fingers the day Rose had discovered their clandestine meal preparation. Right now, she was thinking it was a combination of both.</p><p>People were turning their heads madly towards them when they saw this giant man chasing her with his hands jutted out towards her chanting chicken fingers over and over, which made her giggle so much that she was having a difficult time keeping away from him.</p><p>“No, Ben! Not chicken fingers!” She shouted at him, but then she was in such a compromised state with her stomach hurting from the amusement of it all that he easily caught up with her, his arms wrapping themselves around her stomach from behind.</p><p>“You can’t escape the chicken fingers.” He whispered in her ear.</p><p>“No, you’re going to give me salmonella!” She snickered. And they both stood like that for a minute, and before, if he had ever done this move, he would usually remove himself from her soon after he caught her, but this time he lingered. He had never done this before, and she was guessing it was again the alcohol that was in both their systems, but his arms started to ride up her as he stood up straighter. She took in a shallow breath as she leaned her head back onto his shoulder, and she swore she felt the ghost of his lips on the shell of her ear.</p><p>Then he was releasing her, turning her around. His eyes were on the floor when she faced him. Her breath hitched slightly as one of his hands reached for hers, intertwining their fingers. How could he do so much to her in doing so little?</p><p>“Ready to go home?” Ben asked, picking his head up to look at her. She nodded.</p><p>She held onto Ben’s hand as they went to exit out of the place, but then she remembered, “Wait! I want to say bye to Rose and the birthday boy!”</p><p>Ben smiled and completely allowed her to turn them around and venture to where the couple had been hiking out for the last portion of the night. They were in a corner with Rose on Finn’s lap, but Rey didn’t pay their private moment any mind.</p><p>“Tico! Hadari!”</p><p>The two looked up at her, and they both gave her big grins, despite her interrupting them. Finn looked down at her and Ben’s joint hands and back up at them, “Yes, Kenobi?”</p><p>Rey made quick work of stumbling her way around the table they were sitting at and inserted herself into their lover’s spot.</p><p>“I just wanted to tell you how much I love you both!” She exclaimed as she embraced them. Rose and Finn returned her hug with vigor, “I love you guys so much, and Happy Birthday Finnegan.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Finn said, and then he looked to Ben standing over them, “oh, look at this lonely refrigerator, get in here Solo!”</p><p>Ben bit his lip and shook his head, before all of them encouraged him again to join, so he approached them and crowded himself over all three of them.</p><p>“Look at this big ol’ guy.” Finn said, patting his hand over Ben’s arm.</p><p>“Thank you for having me Finn, and Happy Birthday.” Ben said as he pulled away.</p><p>Finn smiled up at him as Rey was still clinging onto him and Rose, “Anytime man, thanks for coming.”</p><p>Rey looked to the couple that has meant so much to her over the years and beamed, “Anyway, Ben and I were going to go home, but I wanted to say bye to you guys. Happy Birthday Finn. I love you.”</p><p>Finn smiled, “Thanks Peanut, love you too.”</p><p>Rey pulled away from them, all smiles and nothing felt terrible for once in her life. As she stood, she went to grab Ben’s hand again, which he accepted, interlacing their fingers once more.</p><p>Rose smiled, “Get home safe you two.”</p><p>Rey was going to say something, but Ben beat her to it, “It would be my honor.”</p><p>Rey snorted and smacked him in the shoulder, but then smiled up at him. She looked one last time to Finn and Rose, “Stay safe tonight!” She exclaimed, before she was leading her and Ben out of the place.</p><p>They held hands all the way to the front door.</p><p>Waiting for their ride outside, Rey realized that she honestly needed to hold on to Ben for balance when she was standing, gripping his forearms tightly and almost tumbling over at one point. He just chuckled and kept her up right before she just straight up embraced him, wrapping her arms around his midsection. He returned the embrace, chuckling into her hair atop her head. Rey took in his scent and sighed contentedly into his chest, and she looked up to him, smiling. He smiled back and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear again, which didn’t give her butterflies in her stomach; it gave her multiple big foots just stomping around in there, wreaking havoc on her insides. She buried her face into his chest again.</p><p>They stood there for a minute or so with Ben’s arms secure around his shoulders, and then he spoke up, “Um, did either of us even call an Uber?”</p><p>Rey peered up to him and blinked a couple of times, and then smiled widely, “Um…I guess we didn’t.”</p><p>Ben laughed, shaking his head, “I think that means we failed the drunk test.”</p><p>Smacking her head against his chest, she sighed, “Wow we’re such failures.”</p><p>It’s not like as if Rey minded that they were just standing there, embracing. As far as she was concerned, she could stay here forever like this, nose deep in between those tits she’s coveted for so long. Why would she ever need to move again?</p><p>“Hey, Rey?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>She begrudgingly lifted her face from in between his impressive rack so she could face him.</p><p>“Is this…a Taco Bell mood or a Del Taco mood?”</p><p>Rey realized that she had never been more endeared to him than in that moment, and the promise of tacos would probably be the reason she would be able to not permanently cement herself where she was. She gave a languid smile as he returned it with his own when she answered, “Oh it’s definitely a Taco Bell mood.”</p><p>Without trying to grieve too much about it, she pulled away from Ben so she could look up the nearest Taco Bell on her phone. It took a bit for her to be able to properly type in the fast food restaurant like a functioning human being.</p><p>She squinted at the screen, “Okayyy, the nearest one is…only like, a little over a mile!”</p><p>Ben grinned, “I think we can manage that.”</p><p>Before Rey could respond, Finn’s voice was behind her, “Oi! Didn’t you guys leave like fifteen minutes ago? What are you still doing standing out here?”</p><p>Turning to face her best friends, it appeared Rose came prepared and had a huge tote bag full of Finn’s presents over her shoulder. They were both adorably titling their heads at them with their hands clasped together.</p><p>Rey smiled, shrugging, “We failed the drunk test.”</p><p>There was a moment of confusion spread across Rose’s features before she smiled, “What, so both of you forgot to call an Uber?”</p><p>They nodded at the same time.</p><p>“What idiots, I love it!” Finn exclaimed, seeming completely jovial.</p><p>Ben snickered, “We were just about to walk to Taco Bell if you wanted to join us.”</p><p>Finn’s eyes widened, “Did I really just hear Ben Solo utter that he wanted to purposefully ingest <em>Taco Bell</em>?”</p><p>He shrugged, “I’m drunk, my defenses are down…and plus, Rey made it sound like it was something I <em>had </em>to try.”</p><p>She tugged on his sleeve, “You <em>do</em>! This is like a rite of passage Benjamin.”</p><p>Rose started bouncing on her heels and turned to Finn, “Oh my god now drunk Rose wants Taco Bell, baby can we go?”</p><p>He leaned in and kissed her, “You’re so cute, why are you even asking permission? Of course we’re going!”</p><p>She pouted, “Well you’re the birthday boy! I want to do what <em>you </em>want!”</p><p>He nodded, pointing his finger in the air, “Well, <em>this </em>birthday boy wants to go to Taco Bell!” Finn shouted, heading forward down the street with his arm still extended, but then quickly turned around, “and <em>where </em>are we going?”</p><p>Rey snorted hearing everybody else around her cracking up too, raising her thumb behind her, “That way Finnegan.”</p><p>“Right!” He shouted, now charging in the direction Rey pointed out. Rose was following him in suit, and as she passed Ben and Rey, Ben grabbed her tote off her shoulder.</p><p>She stopped and glared at him, “Hey! I already told Finn he couldn’t carry this because he’s the birthday boy!”</p><p>Ben chortled, “Well <em>I’m </em>definitely not the birthday boy, that’s like many months away…so I think it’s the right thing to do!” Ben exclaimed, leaning in to Rose, “and it’s mostly so I can look big and strong and cool.”</p><p>Rose laughed, “<em>Fine </em>Benjamin, if you <em>insist</em>,” she said before turning to catch up with Finn, but then looked back, “when <em>is </em>your birthday?”</p><p>He adjusted the tote on his shoulder, “November nineteenth.”</p><p>Her eyes widened, and then she laughed while shaking her head, “No wonder you’re so dramatic like Rey.”</p><p>Then she was promptly turning around, catching up with Finn who was calling after her.</p><p>Ben looked to Rey in confusion, “What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>Rey giggled, “Because you’re a Scorpio. You guys <em>do </em>tend to be dramatic.”</p><p>He opened his mouth and then closed it. Then he held his chin his hand, “Hm, but are we as dramatic as Ariesez?”</p><p>The way his drunk words fell out of his mouth was stupidly cute, and Rey was giggling again, “Well <em>duh</em>. Scorpions are <em>always </em>more histrionic than rams.”</p><p>“I don’t believe you.”</p><p>Before she could respond, Finn was shouting at them to catch up, and Rey laughed, starting to walk backwards ahead of Ben, “Guess we’ll call it a tie.”</p><p>Finn and Rose stayed only a few feet ahead of them as they trudged along to their destination, and Rey kept laughing merrily along with what Ben was saying to her, holding to have her sides at one point when he made an observation about Vineland Ave as they passed it, chuckling to himself and calling it ‘Vinnie-land.’</p><p>Rey was in hysterics, holding up her arm, and then Ben was chuckling along, “Oh come on Rey it wasn’t <em>that</em> funny.”</p><p>For some reason in that moment, it was to her, and she was shaking her head, causing her to almost lose her balance, “It was just so <em>stupid</em>. It was such a <em>stupid </em>joke.”</p><p>“Wow, <em>thanks</em>!” He shouted, lurching forward to grab a hold of her as she was toppling over, “you can take the girl out of Vegas, but you can’t take Vegas out of the girl.” He remarked snidely.</p><p>Finn turned to see Ben helping her yet again with standing upright and started laughing, “Shit Rey, what did you even do before you had Ben to hold you up like a human person?!”</p><p>“Oh shut <em>up</em>!” She countered back, but then held onto Ben’s arm nonetheless. It was the result of a combination of actually needing the help to balance, but also an excuse to touch him. She had a taste and now she needed more, “Just look ahead of you, you dumb boy!”</p><p>“Dumb <em>birthday </em>boy!”</p><p>Rose turned her head towards her, “Yeah Rey, how could you forget about the <em>birthday </em>part?!”</p><p>She glared at them, “I have no friends.”</p><p>“<em>Hey</em>! Then what does that make me?” Ben asked, sounding offended.</p><p>Rey squinted up at him, “A tree.”</p><p>“Oh, I see how it is.” He said, nudging her a bit as she still held onto him.</p><p>“A very useful tree…<em>some</em>times.” Rey joked.</p><p>He smiled, “Well I <em>do </em>make hilarious jokes.”</p><p>That made Rey start laughing all over again, “Vinnie-land, so <em>stupid</em>.”</p><p>Ben snorted, “Okay seriously, that really wasn’t even funny.”</p><p>He said it with conviction, but then he was cracking up with her all the same. In their merriment, Rey had to stop herself from wheezing, and she looked down at her and Ben’s interlaced fingers and didn’t even know when they had started to hold hands again.</p><p>She kept chuckling with him, relishing in the moment, the utter enjoyment of it all. They kept their pace like that as they passed by various buildings and establishments. Now she didn’t even know how long they had been hiking along for.</p><p>Walking hand in hand with him <em>did </em>solve her balancing issues, but not her sore feet issues. She was really regretting wearing these boots now. Every step forward was starting to feel like her nerves were dying on the balls of her feet. She felt like she had to stop to give herself a break, which obviously halted Ben as well. His brows furrowed at her, “What’s wrong?”</p><p>She frowned, “My feet hurt.”</p><p>Ben smirked and disentangled his hand from hers in order to turn with his back to her.</p><p>A piggy back ride seemed amazing at the moment, especially from Ben, but she no doubt had to stay cantankerous, “I’m <em>fine</em>.”</p><p>He turned his head towards her, “<em>Shh</em>, I won’t tell anyone,” then he completely faced her and offered her the tote bag, “and you can even carry this so you’ll look big and strong and cool.”</p><p>Rey smiled widely, shaking her head as she took the offer, “Well, when you put it like that.”</p><p>Ben presented his back again, lowering himself a bit so she could actually get on, and once she was, she felt immediate relief from her feet as Ben began to trek down the street, and she was trying her best to not bury her face in his hair to sniff it, just assuming it would smell amazing. She took to resting her chin on top of his head, and then she was smiling.</p><p>“Wow, is this what it’s like to be a giant? It’s like being in sasquatch vision.” Rey commented.</p><p>She felt Ben’s chuckle reverberate through his back, “Yeah, it’s cool isn’t it?”</p><p>The giggles claimed her as her arms wrung around his neck, “It’s like a whole neeeww worldddd!” She sang in tune of the <em>Aladdin</em> song, “a new fantastic point of view! No one to tell us, ‘No,’ or where to go, or say we’re only dreaming!”</p><p>Ben laughed, a real, true hearty sound, “Does that mean I am the magic carpet?”</p><p>“Well, <em>duh</em>! Now, full speed ahead carpet!”</p><p>As Rey looked ahead of her, she noticed that she couldn’t even see Finn and Rose anymore, and she had not a clue as to when they had lost track of them, but the next thing she knew, Ben was shouting in agreement with her last statement, and then he was running before she even knew had a cognitive awareness of it. She had to hold onto him for dear life.</p><p>“Ben!” She shouted, trying not to laugh while her arms tightened around him, “Oh my god I’m going to fall!”</p><p>“You said full speed ahead!” He yelled back, and then he really must have hated her because then he spun around, which caused her to grip onto him harder while she laughed even more with him. After a couple more he stopped while he was giggling, “Where are we even going anymore?”</p><p>She realized she had no idea either, “I have no idea…I think we’re lost.”</p><p>Ben stood there panting, and then he shook his head, “Dammit! I’m the carpet here; I should really know where we’re going.”</p><p>Rey smiled against his head, and then moved to try and grab her phone out of her purse, “Hold on carpet,” she said while she swung the tote of Finn’s presents around, which smacked him in the chest.</p><p>“Ow!” Ben exclaimed, but he was still riant.</p><p>Her hand was digging around until she felt the familiar object, pulling it out, and then thrust it in front of Ben’s face, “Here! Find where we are!”</p><p>He was chuckling, “I am going to need more assistance than that Kenobi.”</p><p>“What? You can’t just telepathically unlock it?”</p><p>“Wait! Let me try,” he claimed, making grunting noises, “did it work?”</p><p>Rey looked over from behind Ben’s head and unlocked it herself, “Oh my god, you did it!”</p><p>“Well I am the <em>magic </em>carpet.” He pointed out.</p><p>She lightly hit his shoulder as he started to navigate them to their destination in the proper direction. While they got back on track, they had passed by a few people that had certainly given them the once over, and it made Rey wonder what was so interesting about seeing a giant man toting around his much smaller friend.</p><p>While they were waiting to cross the street at a light, this pair of girls—who also appeared to be a little intoxicated—kept giggling at them.</p><p>Rey wanted to know why, but before she could ask, the light turned, and they were walking again.</p><p>Rose and Finn were already eating their food by the time her and Ben arrived.</p><p>“We figured you idiots would find your way here eventually.” Rose said simply as she was chowing down on a chalupa.</p><p>Rolling her eyes, she grabbed Ben’s arm and led him to the cash register, to which she informed him of all the items he would be needing to sample. He laughed along and ordered them, receiving a glare from the cashier as they kept adding things after they swore they were done.</p><p>Rey was very adamant to watch his face when he tried his first crunchwrap supreme as they were finally sitting down about to eat their feast.</p><p>“Well?” She asked expectantly.</p><p>He was about already three bites in after she told him that he needed to slather it in fire sauce first, “Well, what?”</p><p>Rey gave him a disbelieving face and gestured at the food.</p><p>“Oh! It’s…it’s alright.”</p><p>She shoved his shoulder and shook her head, then continued with her five-layered burrito.</p><p>He laughed, wiping at his mouth with a napkin, “I’m kidding. It’s just the sort of thing I would expect from a Mexican fast-food restaurant, but…it’s perfect.”</p><p>Rey smirked into her burrito and looked around her. She was with her dearest friends in the world, drunk, eating food that was terrible for her, and laughing. She thought about her life leading up to this moment. All of this strife, all of the hardships that led her here; it was too much to think about.</p><p>But she did know one thing when her and Ben clambered into the back of the Uber after he knew that she would want more food before they left.</p><p>She knew it when she had finished engorging herself with the last couple of tacos and leaned over to rest her head in Ben’s lap.</p><p>As Rey laid there in the back of that Nissan Ultima, surrounded by various Taco Bell wrappers, knowing they had just consumed enough tacos to feed a small country, Ben ran his fingers through her hair slowly while he told her about how he was going to try and recreate the items they had just eaten with his own ‘Solo twist.’</p><p>Rey knew being with him was all of the belonging she would ever need.</p><p> </p><p>Ben wouldn’t let her try and help him clean out the back of the Uber just like how he hadn’t let her pay for the Taco Bell, twice. She huffed as the car drove away while he was holding the bag with all of the wrappers in it, which was probably about fifty if she had to guess.</p><p>“Don’t be so pouty. You still have to show me what a Del Taco mood looks like, remember?”</p><p>Rey still pouted and wondered if she would always be so resistant to this sort of treatment, “Well, you have to let me pay for that one then.”</p><p>He grinned, “Deal.”</p><p>He approached her, cradling the back of her head and kissed her forehead, “Goodnight Rey.”</p><p>While her eyes found his, she smiled back, “Goodnight Ben.”</p><p>She felt like she was floating all the way back up to her apartment. For some reason, the weight of what Ben was and how he felt a nonromantic connection didn’t feel so heavy, but that might have been the alcohol; Rey really couldn’t be so sure. When she got back up to her apartment, she watched Ben for a bit with R2, and she smiled, reminiscing when she would see this exact scene a million times over and over when she was just neighbor girl and he was B. There was no way of her knowing back then how content she would be now to just watch this man play happily with his dog, lying on the floor and letting R2 lick all over his face. Now Rey saw that was all that really mattered. She just wanted Ben in her life, and the reality of that hit her in a frightening sort of manner, but there was some underlying sort of excitement that went along with it.</p><p>Maybe that just had to with the fact that he was already making his way through the buttons on his shirt once he got off the floor with R2; he would always be so appealing, no matter what their status was.</p><p>She tore her eyes away from him and made her way to her room. Throwing down her purse on her bed, she then went to the bathroom. When she came out, she wanted to charge her phone and realized she had forgotten her charger at work since she lost the one she normally kept there. She was really meaning to get a new one. Looks like she had to go down to her car and borrow the cord that was in there.</p><p>While downstairs, she grabbed the cord, and while she was closing her car door, she heard someone say her name.</p><p>“Rey!”</p><p>It wasn’t Ben’s voice, and she would have been rather confused if it were him considering she just saw him go into his room in his apartment when she left hers.</p><p>She followed the voice to the gate of the garage.</p><p>It was greeting card guy. What the hell?</p><p>“Gr—Jensen? What are you doing here?” She asked as she opened the door to exit the garage, “Why have you been blowing me up so much tonight?”</p><p>He smiled, stepping closer to her, “I was just at a friend’s right down the street, and I thought that I really wanted to see you again. Just thought I would give coming by a try before I gave up. Then I see your cute little butt sticking out of your car, so I thought it was fate.”</p><p>Not wanting to be out right rude, for some reason, she tried to spare his feelings about how that was the last thing she wanted to do at the moment, “Listen, Jensen—”</p><p>“You never called.” He said, looking her up and down.</p><p>“Did you really expect me to?” She asked disbelievingly.</p><p>“I wanted you to,” he shoved his hands in his pockets and stepped even closer again. The closer he got, the more she backed away, and before she knew it, he had backed her to the wall of the building, “I just thought we had fun that night, you know?”</p><p>“Uh—huh. Look—”</p><p>He unceremoniously shoved his mouth on top of hers and she suddenly remembered he had a habit of sticking his tongue down her throat with absolutely no finesse. Her drunken senses became more sober and she pushed him off of her.</p><p>“Jensen, I really don’t think this is a good idea.”</p><p>“Oh come on Rey, I know you’d have fun.” He said, trying for another go.</p><p>She shoved him more forcefully this time, “Stop.”</p><p>It seemed like he had been drinking, too, and her rejection was finally registering on his face, “Well, can we at least go out again sometime?”</p><p>Rey tried to get out from under him, but he had trapped her with is arms, “I don’t think that’s such a good idea either.”</p><p>“Aw, why not?” he asked as he got closer to her ear, “I can show you a real good time.”</p><p>She shuddered, but it was certainly not in the good way. Rey tried to shove him off again, and it was getting more and more difficult to do so. Shutting down was not an option right now, “Jensen, get <em>off</em> of me.”</p><p>Even though she had expressed this in a very aggressive tone, he still was not respecting what she said and threw himself on top of her again. All of the alcohol in her system was dulling her a bit still, but she knew that this was wrong. It’s like she had forgotten everything she learned about boxing because she felt herself freezing up. She managed to push him off of her most of the way.</p><p>“I am only going to say this one more time, back the fuck off!”</p><p>He recovered quickly, though, and kept his stance over her, but he also looked angry this time.</p><p>“Now you listen here you little—”</p><p>He was then being forcefully ripped off of her and shoved away wildly.</p><p>“She said to get off of her!”</p><p>It was Ben, and he looked like he could just about kill Jensen considering the fire she saw in his eyes. He looked downright feral.</p><p>“Who the fuck are you? This is none of your business!” Jensen shouted at him.</p><p>Ben said nothing as he squared up to him.</p><p>“If I ever see you anywhere <em>near</em> Rey again, I will not be so merciful next time. Now get the fuck out of here!” He yelled, pointing a massive finger at him.</p><p>“Ben, it’s fine. Let’s just go.”</p><p>Jensen seemed to have a death wish as he squared right back up to him, “What are you, her bodyguard? You don’t scare me,” he snarled and then laughed hollowly, “she’s not worth it anyway. She’s just a fucking easy lay.”</p><p>Ben narrowed his eyes and inhaled rapidly before raising his fist to punch him square in the face. Jensen raged, holding his nose since it immediately started bleeding, “What the fuck?!”</p><p>Jensen then tried punching him in return, but Ben caught his fist easily, shoving him back.</p><p>Before Ben could instill anymore wrath, Rey caught his arm, pulling him away, “Ben, stop!” She tried her best to be firm, “Come on, let’s go.”</p><p>Seeing her eyes, he finally seemed to understand. He dropped his arms and followed her into her building.</p><p>“Yeah, go fuck your sasquatch you fucking slut!”</p><p>Ben’s fists clenched and Rey put her hand on him again, “<em>Don’t</em>.”</p><p>He nodded with a fierce look on his face still, but he did not run back and kill Jensen as she raised her hand with her keys out and opened the door. They rode the elevator up in silence and didn’t say a word to each other until they were in Rey’s apartment.</p><p>When they were inside, she threw her keys on the counter and crossed her arms, not facing him.</p><p>“You didn’t have to do that.”</p><p>It had all happened so fast, and now she was very quickly starting to feel overwhelmed about the whole situation.</p><p>Rey couldn’t see him, but she felt his aggression, “And what was I supposed to do, sit there and watch while that guy try to force himself on you?”</p><p>“I was handling it.”</p><p>She heard him take in a ragged breath, “I wasn’t saying you couldn’t Rey, I just saw you shoving him off of you from upstairs and I—”</p><p>He stopped.</p><p>Rey turned to him, “You what?”</p><p>His hands were in fists again, and his nostrils flared, “I fucking lost it, okay?!”</p><p>She glared at him, feeling helpless, “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”</p><p>Ben appeared to be completely accosted at her words, “Rey, do you think that anything else mattered to me in that moment other than your safety?”</p><p>“Well, I never asked you to do that! I can take care of myself!” Her voice broke at the end of it and she hated it. She was being weak and she didn’t want Ben to see, but he did. His expression softened immediately.</p><p>“Rey—”</p><p>“Don’t!”</p><p>The word hung in the air like poison. Neither of them said anything. His eyes looked hurt, so she couldn’t look at him anymore. She felt her own hands forming into fists.</p><p>“I think you should just leave Ben.”</p><p>He nodded and gave her once last wounded expression, and then turned to fulfill her request, grabbing on to the doorknob and remained there for a few seconds.</p><p>Rey was resigned to letting him go, just like everyone else did, but it was her who was pushing him away. She had no one to blame but herself, and she just wanted to be alone in her self-deprecation.</p><p>Then, suddenly, he whipped around, and approached Rey in two giant strides, wrapping his arms around her and shoving her into his chest.</p><p>“Ben, I told you to <em>go</em>!” She yelled, trying to escape his grasp.</p><p>“<em>Please</em> don’t tell me to leave,” he whispered, sounding desperate, “Rey, I’m sorry. I know you’re strong and that you can handle yourself; I’m the one who’s not. I couldn’t contain myself when I saw that guy forcing himself on you. I just got so…<em>angry</em>, and I was running out the door before I even knew what I was doing.”</p><p>All of the rage left her immediately, and her fists went still against his chest.</p><p>“No, I can’t <em>do</em> this. I don’t want you to see me like this.” She whined, feeling the tears already. Now she was so close to breaking, and she especially did not want Ben to witness it. Rey never wanted him to see her so helpless.</p><p>“See you like what?” He asked as he cradled her head and intertwined his fingers in her hair, “Please tell me.”</p><p>His persistence to stay and his gentle touches were too much. The dam broke.</p><p>She buried herself into his t shirt and sobbed. Rey never gave an answer; she figured her sobs were answer enough. He held her there for a long time before he picked her up and brought her over to the couch, and settled her in his lap while she cried into his shoulder for she didn’t even know for how long.</p><p>Her breakdown was about everything, really. Everything she had been holding back lately, all hitting her like a freight train, and it all felt too overwhelming while this freight train of a man held her without question while he gently stroked her hair. Her constant need to be strong and not rely on other people, pushing them away when they tried to get close to her. Her grandfather always visiting her in her nightmares. Jensen just now, only hitting her up her again because he just wanted an easy lay and forcing himself on her. Her all-encompassing core belief that she was meant to be lonely, and that she would never belong to anyone and no one would ever belong to her. She at some point thought she felt his tears too.</p><p>Once she finally settled down, he squeezed her tighter then and wiped the tears out of her face even though she was sure it was a mess. Then he carried her to bed, and took off her shoes. She realized it was the first time he had been in her room, and she had to say, this is not how she pictured it happening.</p><p>He told her that he was going to get her some water, and when he left, she got up to change and wash her face in her bathroom. When she walked out, he was sitting at the end of her bed. She saw there was water on her nightstand. Approaching the bed, she drank some of it and got under the covers. Ben stood up and tucked her in. He leaned down and kissed her forehead and stood, making his way out of her room.</p><p>Rey caught his wrist before he could, however, “I am not telling you to leave now.”</p><p>He didn’t look at her for a bit as he took a deep breath and nodded.</p><p>Somehow, he just seemed to know what she really, truly wanted in that moment. He walked around the bed and behind her; she heard him for a few moments rustling around, and then he was getting into bed with her under the covers and came up close to her. His movements felt like there was just the slightest bit of apprehension on his end, but then his hands touched her, giving her goosebumps when one traced up her arm and down again. His fingers came up to her ear as he tucked some of her hair behind it, and she literally felt herself quivering at the feeling. It was unfortunate that this was the situation in which she and Ben would share the same bed because normally she thought that she would just about be in hysterics at this point, only for a very, very different reason than what she was feeling now. Her breath hitched as his fingers then traced down her spine. And as his hands continued to scale her, she finally realized what he was doing with all of these tender touches.</p><p>For once, he wasn’t using his words. He was trying to comfort her, showing her that he was there, that he had stayed. It was all so overwhelming, and she wanted to thank him. She let out a breath because she knew her mouth would betray her, so she kept quiet and let him continue.</p><p>Eventually, Rey wanted to insist on him just snaking his hand under her shirt as it spanned her back because she felt like she just <em>needed </em>the physical touch at the moment, but she didn’t know if requesting it would have made him feel weird about the whole situation. She seldom felt this desperate for it though. It had been a very emotionally taxing evening, and she felt it all start to well up in her eyes again. Did she ever think that she would be here with this man like this?</p><p>“<em>Ben</em>,” she ended up whispering ever so quietly, so low, that she had barely even heard it herself. A name that was once a mystery to her for so long, a name that she now clung to with her very life. It was a plea, a cry for help, and it was everything that Rey couldn’t formulate into words.</p><p>He got even closer to her so that she felt his breath on her ear, tickling it ever so slightly as it mussed the hair he had just so delicately placed there. Rey was concentrating on her breathing as her heart was hammering out of her chest. She felt him inhale as his hand traveled lower, lower still until it was met with the hem of her shirt. There were a couple of beats where it stayed immobilized, but then, just like she had wanted so desperately, it creeped up under her clothing, and soon enough his fingers were doing very similar actions they had been before, but it was everything to her to feel them now with skin on skin. It soothed her in a way that she did not think was possible and she sighed at his ministrations. Rey remembered how much she had flipped out after briefly touching Ben’s ear when she was drunk, and look at them now. Ben was running his hand up and down her bare back, and it was the most glorious feeling in the world. Nothing had ever felt more natural than Ben’s touch, like it was something that they had always done.</p><p>Rey felt herself drifting to into a slumber that she never would have been able to do without Ben here, and she sniffled. In due course, somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, she felt Ben’s arms wrapping themselves around her, and he held her as her eyes closed, a single tear gradually falling down her face and onto her pillow.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>WOWOWOWOW. I just can't stop hitting y'all with those hard hitting emotions, can I? WHO KNEW I could make the sexual tension EVEN higher??? JEEZ these two are going to EXPLODDDDEEEE. What else do you guys expect from me at this point, though? 🤷🏼🤷🏼🤷🏼</p><p>Poe FINALLY made his appearance too! What do we think of that little asshole, hm?? Also, you don't KNOW how long I have been waiting to release chicken fingers onto y'all. OMGGG sooo long. It's so stupid I love it. It becomes a pretty big thing between these dorks.</p><p>MOST importantly, they FINALLY shared a fucking bed!</p><p>And why did I make it so emotional? Well, I thought it was very important for Rey to have Ben finally see her in a vulnerable state like that, and not only did he stay, but he stayed and HELD and comforted her when she needed it the most. This is finally going to show her that he isn't some fair weather person in her life, which is something that she was so used to, and sadly, was expecting from him.</p><p>We're gearing up guys! WOOOOOOO! *pops the champange* Oh wait, not JUST yet. Heh heh...</p><p>Who wants to come <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumble</a> with me??</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Our coming of age has come and gone<br/>Suddenly this summer it’s clear<br/>I never had the courage in my convictions<br/>As long as danger is near<br/>And it’s just around the corner, darlin’<br/>‘Cause it lives in me<br/>No, I could never give you peace</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpxX4ZE4KWE">peace</a>” –Taylor Swift</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey’s eyes opened slowly, only to find herself still in the remnants of the night as she was only met with darkness. She closed them again, wanting to chase whatever amount of slumber she had been in the middle of until she realized what she was really waking up to, which caused her eyes to widen in shock. Whatever had just occurred, probably only merely hours ago, wasn’t a dream. Here she was, lying in her bed, tear tracks most likely still staining her face with Ben’s arms still around her, legs tangled together. She sighed, relishing in the feeling of it until she realized that perhaps her body was reacting faster than her brain because a fresh wave of arousal hit her when she began to process their current positions. One of Ben’s hands was over the skin of her stomach as apparently it had creeped up her shirt that rode up in the night. What was worse though, was the fact that his other hand across her body was holding her just below her breasts. His thumb was literally grazing the underside of one of them, and if he only were to move his hand just slightly upwards, he would be completely palming her—</p><p>She had to hold back a moan, and the man was most definitely still asleep as she felt his steady breathing against her back. It really made her wonder how he would feel if he knew he was so close to her skin like this. Would it make him uncomfortable? Would he…<em>like </em>it? She knew <em>she </em>certainly did. The headiness of the situation was certainly getting to her head and causing her to think irrationally.</p><p>And really, Rey didn’t think he even knew what she was supposed to do about it anyway. She couldn’t exactly just start grinding on him without his permission. This obviously was not what she was having him sign up for when she asked him to stay. Then her head was launched into a whole new line of thinking.</p><p>She had asked him to stay.</p><p>Within the shadows of the night, she couldn’t bring herself to be embarrassed over what she had done, but she was more that certain she was going to be in the sobering morning light, but really, that was a problem for the future Rey to solve, not this Rey who was still blanketed by the moonlight.</p><p>Rey chanced an absolutely insane thought that fell into her brain, and she was doing it before she could really stop herself when she started to reach for the hand against her skin, raising it to hold it against her chest, dipping her face down momentarily to kiss his knuckles. After she was satisfied with her actions, she then settled herself back into her pillow, hoping to get some more rest. In response to her motions, howbeit, Ben shifted behind her, and ended up grasping her even tighter in his sleep, a small humming noise escaping his mouth. His actions, though unconscious completely endeared her, and she sighed contentedly.</p><p>Within the vestiges of her past relationships, Rey hadn’t really considered herself to be one who ever wanted to express her physicality through the intimate dance of cuddling. Sure, she had participated in it before, especially when her previous long relationships were involved. However, it was just sort of an activity that she merely participated in, and it always seemed to be more of a soft acquiesce than something she ever sought out. Rey winced at the memory of being called ‘cold’ or ‘unfeeling’ by her ex-boyfriend, who was the same to point out her shortcomings within the fragile balance of intimacy and vulnerability. She never wanted to open up. She never wanted to talk about herself or her emotions. She never wanted to cuddle. She never wanted to be a <em>girlfriend</em>.</p><p>And what had cut the deepest and still haunted her to this day was that he had been right. Maybe that’s what all she had been really good for anyway was being a one-night-stand. The thought made her shiver, so she tucked it away.</p><p>That last so aptly put point her ex made had always hurt within the corner of her mind that she had compartmentalized away because she didn’t need an implacable memento that there was something wrong with her, that she was broken. That with everything that she had been through, the result of which had caused her to be never enough the way she was, and no one had ever been able to even able to <em>fathom</em> scaling those walls she had built up. And then she was pushing them away before she could be disappointed.</p><p>And maybe that was why she couldn’t do these things, perform these simple actions within a relationship because it was a constant reminder of how she didn’t work right. How she simply…<em>couldn’t</em>.</p><p>How she was, essentially, just…without.</p><p>But here she was now, Ben’s soft breathing behind her, somehow soothing her as she stood and stared at all of the holes in her heart that she had escaped from, the dirt and destitutions imbedding under her nails as she <em>fought </em>and <em>clawed </em>her way out of each one…but then had never been able to bring herself to fill in once she had. Because all her life had been about was finding herself falling into another one before she could, and now at this point there were just too many to even know where to start. So how could she ever even be enough when this is what she had to offer, dirt still caking her soul?</p><p>She was just so <em>tired</em>.</p><p>Closing her eyes, she breathed in and out, holding Ben’s hand closer to herself, suddenly feeling for the first time why it felt so nice just to be held, and to be held by someone she cared for so much. Maybe she was allowed this reprieve, even if it was just for a few more hours.</p><p>She concentrated on his steady breathing as she felt herself drift off again.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the torrid way in which Rey found herself in bed the night before, she woke up in the morning not feeling groggy.</p><p>Now, actually feeling herself waking up, she thought about the consequences to her actions and was already compiling an apology speech to Ben as she tried to ignore the regret already shaking her to her core.</p><p>Where she expected to feel another warm presence in her bed, however, she was met with cold sheets. She was much more awake now and sat up in bed. Ben was gone, and who knew for how long he had snuck out in the night.</p><p>All of the comfort she felt the night before practically evaporated away instantly, and the result was <em>evisceration</em>.</p><p>“Ben?” She asked, trying to hide the desperation from her voice.</p><p>There was no answer. She got out of bed and searched the apartment, and he was nowhere to be seen. She looked over and he wasn’t even in his own. In spite her best efforts to stave them away, the extremely irrational side of her brain started to whisper horrifying things to her, like ‘now look, you’ve scared him off for good,’ and ‘now he’s seen you for who you really are, so did you really expect him to stay?’</p><p>These voices always sounded too much like her grandfather, and they were absolutely plaguing her now.</p><p>When Rey really thought about it, she couldn’t really blame him. Her heart sank all the way down to her stomach, but she knew this is exactly why she was terrified to show him this side of her. Regret overtook her; it <em>consumed </em>her as she felt like she had perhaps lost Ben forever, even more so when he had announced his intentions to date other people.</p><p>And now she was alone, like she always really was and always would be. It didn’t matter what happened last night and how nice of an evening they had together; what mattered is that he saw her as a horrible weepy mess, the stains of her soul. How she wasn’t this strong person she was constantly projecting herself as, but instead, a fraud of an impenetrable force. And now he probably contemplating how he was even going to face her again. Tears filled her eyes as she stood in her empty living room. She struggled to breathe deeply as she concentrated on not breaking down. <em>Again</em>.</p><p>She absentmindedly sat down on her couch. Now what was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to live across the street from him? A horrendous thought filled her mind…what if he moved away? Simply not knowing how to deal with her bullshit anymore?</p><p>Rey was really crying now. It couldn’t be real; it couldn’t be true. Why did Jensen have to come and fuck everything up that they had built? And she was finally being able to accept the fact that she and Ben were just going to be friends.</p><p>And now this. She had succumbed to her fate, and she felt like her chest was going to weigh her down to the floor.</p><p>Then the opening of the door made her heart jump from her stomach into her throat.</p><p>It was Ben with R2, and he was carrying several bags. He hadn’t noticed her and put all of them on the kitchen counter. She was in such denial about him even being there, standing in her kitchen that she thought she might faint. Slowly standing on her feet, she faced him, but still said nothing. R2 saw her, however, and wagged his tail, making his way to her. She couldn’t even bring herself to pet him.</p><p>He proceeded to check his phone, grabbing the tea kettle off her stove, filling it up with water, and turned to put it back on the stove.</p><p>As Ben once more approached the counter with all of the bags, he finally looked up and saw her, jumping himself.</p><p>“Jesus, Rey. You scared me. I didn’t realize you were there. I thought you would have been asleep still.”</p><p>“What are you doing here?” She asked, sounding quite harsh, unfortunately; she attributed it to her being so dumbfounded.</p><p>His eyebrows knitted together, “What do you mean what am I doing here?”</p><p>She took in a shaky breath, “When you weren’t here when I woke up…I assumed that you had left for good.”</p><p>He looked stunned and balked at her, “<em>What</em>? Why would I—look, I’m sorry I wasn’t here, but I left a note. It’s on your nightstand.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes widened, and she turned to her room before he could say anything else. How did she miss that?</p><p>Sure enough, when she found herself in front of her nightstand, there was a note there written in his neat scrawl:</p><p>‘<em>Had to go take R2 out, but I’ll be back to cook you breakfast. </em></p><p><em>-B</em>’</p><p>She held her mouth as more tears came, feeling extremely overwhelmed at the implications of everything. How had he not left her? How was he not scared away? The fact that he had even signed the note ‘B’ was throwing her into a panic. He still hadn’t known about that nickname. No one had.</p><p>“Do you want me to leave?” Ben asked behind her.</p><p>Whipping around, she felt her head throb with all of the crying she had done. She was pretty sure that she hadn’t cried so much in the course of knowing Ben since she was a child. He was standing in the doorway of her room, looking like someone had just told him his dog had been hit by a car again. No, this is not what she wanted. She <em>never </em>wanted to make him look like that, especially since she was the reason. She had to correct his <em>now</em>.</p><p>Taking several rapid strides towards him, she wrapped her arms around his middle and planted her face in his chest. He responded with his arms finding her lower back, and she thought she heard him sigh. All she wanted to say was that she never wanted him to leave, and that was the first time she had ever felt that way about a person, but her words were lost as she was tearing yet again into his t shirt.</p><p>“How have I not scared you off?” She asked eventually, face still buried, muffling her words.</p><p>“What do you mean? You couldn’t scare me off.” He said to her, loosening his grip slightly so he could look at her. She refused, so he put a hand under her chin and forced her to look into gaze. His eyes searched her for some kind of answer, but she felt like she couldn’t give him one. Seeming to understand her silence, he opted to hold her close one more time. They stood there for a while before he started to let go of her, and she protested.</p><p>He offered her a small smirk, “Come on, I hear Ramsay’s serving eggs benedict.”</p><p>Rey felt like she wouldn’t be able to stop crying, but she tried her hardest to stay strong. After breakfast, they turned on a movie and he started to braid her hair, which he had never actually done before. She was sitting on the ground in front of the couch as he silently worked away. Rey was thankful that he couldn’t see her face because there was pretty much a near constant stream of tears.</p><p>What had she done to deserve this? She had woken up this morning assuming that Ben had left her and left her for good, but instead, he had whipped her up another delicious meal, made her tea, and was now braiding her hair? It didn’t make any sense. She was still just the same, difficult to deal with Rey as always, and yet he was here.</p><p>Bebe and R2 were playing together. Ben had taken him over here a few times, and Rey was surprised to see how fast the two animals had gotten along so well. Rey thought it might have had to do with the fact that they had seen one another from across the street for so long, and their owners spent so much time together.</p><p>R2 decided to come over to Rey then, and was undoubtedly expecting some pets, probably to make up for earlier when she had denied him.</p><p>He was licking her face, almost like he was sensing how upset she was and was attempting to comfort her.</p><p>“Leave her alone R2.” Ben said from above her. He had finished one side of her head and moved on to the other one.</p><p>Rey, however, was just taking the licks and even started to giggle a little, and she started to pet the pooch as he settled down next to her.</p><p>When Ben had finished, she got up to examine his work in her bathroom mirror. It really was amazing, and she was hoping that he was willing to do it again because it felt so soothing to her to feel his fingers on her scalp. It also made her feel special. Slashing some water on her face, she stared at her reflection and tried not to think about how exhausted and run down she had looked. At least her hair looked nice.</p><p>When she made her way back to Ben, she decided that she did not want to go without touching him like they normally did when they sat on the couch together, so she lied down next to him, placing her head into his lap. She felt him look down at her, but she didn’t meet his eyes.</p><p>“Thank you, it really is beautiful.” She said, trying to erase all of the sadness from her voice.</p><p>“Anytime.”</p><p>Rey was psyching herself up to say this next part, “And thank you for everything else.”</p><p>He stroked her cheek with his hand and then started to graze his fingers across her back, “Of course.”</p><p>Not being able to bring herself to elaborate on the topic more, really opening up on her gratitude of everything he had done for her in the last twenty four hours, she was acutely aware that he still somehow knew what she had meant, like he had reached into her mind and read what she couldn’t say, and she was so thankful for it.</p><p>Feeling like she was in a trance from Ben’s fingers, she breathed deeply and wanted a distraction, “Tell me something from your childhood. A happy memory.”</p><p>He didn’t discuss his childhood very much. Every once in a while, he would mention something here and there offhandedly, most of the time it was something that had sparked a memory, like a meal that he was cooking or a movie they had turned on. She had a few more things when they had been with Leia and Poe, but she wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything.</p><p>His head slowly fell down to look at hers and he appeared to be in deep concentration when her eyes briefly met his.</p><p>He sighed, “Truth be told there aren’t that many,” he said plaintively, and took a minute to come up with one and then he smiled briefly, “there was this one political event that my mother had somehow dragged both me and my father to. She had made such a fuss over what both of us looked like and insisted on me brushing my hair back, and I hated doing that because it made my ears stick out even <em>more</em>.”</p><p>Rey giggled.</p><p>Ben paused his story, “Something funny?” He asked, glowering above her.</p><p>She shook her head and brought up her hand to give his knee a squeeze, and she was reminded of the time he told her about ear boy, “No, that just sounds adorable, I’m sorry.”</p><p>“My <em>ears </em>that could rival an African elephant sound adorable?”</p><p>Rey closed her eyes while his hand continued its work down her back, “Yes.”</p><p>He took a short intake of breath, “<em>Nonetheless</em>, at this event my dad looked just as miserable to be there as I did. So, he started to make fun of dignitaries behind their backs, imitating them just to make me laugh,” Ben stopped for a few moments, and Rey glanced up at him to see that he was smiling, “I remember him taking this deep bow at one of them in front of my mother and she looked furious until the offending politician walked away, and then she burst out into laughter and kissed his cheek.”</p><p>Her smiled grew as much as his. She loved hearing stories like this, “You guys did sound happy.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Ben started, “I suppose we were, sometimes. When they weren’t fighting or toting me off to yet <em>another </em>nanny or au pair.”</p><p>“I’m sorry Ben.” She said, but when she faced him again, he looked aloof, like his mind was a million galaxies away.</p><p>“I just…wanted them to be around more,” he said quietly. An ambiance of taciturn like tension built between them before he spoke again, “I think that’s why I started to act out as a kid because I just wanted them to notice something, <em>anything </em>I was doing. Nothing worked, no matter how much I wanted it, I just felt like I was this stranger in their house, like I…didn’t belong. Then they just sent me to my uncle’s school.”</p><p>She swore she saw tears in his eyes, but instead of drawing attention to them, she adjusted herself so that she could wrap her arms around his middle.</p><p>Then she wanted to tell him that he would always belong with her, like in the quiet moments of their wordless affair from across the street. Their routines and brief moments of eye contact that made her stomach fill with butterflies. And now that they knew each other’s names and started to slowly learn about one another’s lonely childhoods.</p><p>But they were <em>more</em> than that, and perhaps, Rey was starting to realize, they <em>deserved </em>more than that. They deserved to be happy and fall asleep on the couch together, their heads meeting in the middle, barely touching as Rey would giggle at how his legs would have to drape over the side. The whole concept of deserving, however, was such a fickle concept to her. Because she believed that with her whole self that Ben more than anything deserved to smile, to laugh, to be a giant idiot. But what did she <em>deserve</em>? After everything she had been through in her life, she had come to reason that it was next to nothing, those holes in her heart littering her very being.</p><p>His hands tentatively rested over her arms and he sighed while his eyes closed tightly.</p><p>She should have been able to tell him all of these things, but the words would not escape her mouth, so she settled for the next best thing, “Oh, Ben. I know.”</p><p>Rey heard his breath hitch, and she really saw the tears now. Her heart felt utterly verklempt for him, and she just wanted to take all his pain away, his loneliness, and take it on for herself. He had comforted her so much lately, and now it was finally her time to do the same for him, so she sat up and touched his face. There were no words exchanged as he leaned into her touch, and she tugged him to lie down with her. She tried her best to wrap her arms around his large form with his back to her. They settled on his head resting under her chin, and her arms snaked under his. He cradled her hands to his chest, and she held him until they both fell asleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“This is quickly becoming a mistake, I see,” Rey said over her menu, glaring at Finn, “you’re ruining brunch.”</p><p>“Uh, how dare you? It’s still my birthday weekend!”</p><p>“I think you’re milking that too much.” She countered back. Finn insisted that he come along and that she invite Ben, fully admitting to just wanting to see them together after his party, not that Rey minded, but now she had no idea where they stood. They hadn’t talked about how they had both held each other while they cried, and Rey was fine with that too.</p><p>“<em>Excuse </em>me for wanting to celebrate my life.” Finn said with his hand over his chest.</p><p>“Could you just shut up about it? We get it, you were born!” Rey yelled, feeling a little bit more on edge than usual. It definitely had nothing to do with the unresolved tension with the massive boy sitting next to her.</p><p>“Hey, woah now, let’s all just calm down!” Rose shouted, stopping Finn from responding and looked to Rey, “I promise when it’s your birthday we will go all out, even bigger than this!”</p><p>“Hey!” Finn said, offended.</p><p>Rey took a couple of breaths and nodded, “Sorry Finn. I think I’m PMSing.”</p><p>“You don’t <em>say</em>.”                                                                              </p><p>“Don’t,” she started, pointing at him, “push it.”</p><p>It was an easy excuse to get out instead of trying to even contemplate her jumbled emotions. Why did she even agree to do this? This was a terrible idea.</p><p>She felt Ben squeeze her leg and she looked over at him and his expression was that of concern, and Rey found it to be absolutely astounding how quickly they fell into this pattern of casual touch. She nodded at him to reassure him.</p><p>“Anyway, before I was so <em>rudely</em> interrupted, I wanted to talk to you guys about me trying some standup comedy.” Finn explained, eyes looking to be eager and earnest.</p><p>“Always on some new shit, aren’t you?” Rose asked him snidely.</p><p>“What, okay,” he defended, “I think I really have the chops for it. They always say that there is a misery in humor, and I had a pretty terrible childhood until I was adopted, so the jokes will pretty much write themselves!”</p><p>“Okay, honestly Finn, this is also coming from a fellow foster child, who really wants to hear jokes about that?” Rey inquired seriously, still trying to concentrate on her menu. She really couldn’t decide what she wanted.</p><p>“You never know! Maybe there is an untapped market out there for us sad children of the world.”</p><p>“That just sounds depressing.”</p><p>“Or what we consider dark humor.”</p><p>She just rolled her eyes at him and shoved her menu in her face again.</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe there’s some logic to it.” Ben said next to her.</p><p>She put her menu down on the table and folded her hands on top of it, “Oh, I would <em>looove</em> to hear your interpretation of this Benjamin.”</p><p>He shrugged, “I don’t know. It sounds like there might be an audience for it. I know I didn’t grow up in the system, but considering my heavy neglect as a child, I probably would have appreciated someone trying to make some levity of it. That way you know you would know you weren’t so alone.”</p><p>“Yes, exactly!” Finn exclaimed, “see, he gets it Rey.”</p><p>“That actually…” she said, contemplating Ben’s fair point, “does make sense.”</p><p>“Don’t sound so surprised.” Ben commented next to her with a grin as his eyes scanned his menu.</p><p>Finn paid them no mind and still appeared to be excited in his seat, “Yeah man, you bring in those sad, neglected rich boy jokes and we will cover all the depressing demographics.”</p><p>Ben smiled slightly, “I don’t think I was meant for standup like you Finn.”</p><p>“No, no! You bring in that deadpan delivery like you do, and you would kill it!” Finn offered.</p><p>Ben just shook his head and leaned back in his seat.</p><p>“And <em>Rey</em>, my dear girl,” Finn said gesturing both his hands at her, “you could make some I don’t <em>need</em> no one, I’ve been to a million homes jokes, and I think we have a comedy tour.”</p><p>“Oh!” Rose shot her hand up, “I would go see your sad show!”</p><p>“Aww, thanks babe!” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.</p><p>Finn continued on about the logistics of what running a comedy tour for all the sad children of the world would be like while Rey continued to stare into her menu, the choices not even looking like words anymore. What Finn said kind of struck a chord with her if she were being honest, and the sad part was it did because he was correct in his assumption. She blinked a few times and took a deep breath. She really has never <em>needed </em>anyone, and now she wasn’t so sure that was such a good thing like she had always believed it was.</p><p>“You want the huevos rancheros.” Ben said quietly.</p><p>She looked up at him, dazed, “What?”</p><p>“The huevos rancheros. You can’t decide between that and some kind of omelette. Pretty sure you’re just going to want the huevos.”</p><p>She tiled her head at him, “How do you figure?”</p><p>He had a contemplative look before answering, “It has everything you like in it due to your affinity for Mexican food, and you would never want to be unfaithful to my omelettes.”</p><p>Trying to make it past her blush, she leaned on the table with her arm, “And that’s why you’re getting an omelette, isn’t it?”</p><p>“Well yeah, I have to see if they stack up to mine.”</p><p>“The California one, with the avocado?”</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>“See!” She exclaimed victoriously, “You’re just as predictable as me.”</p><p>His only response was a tilt of his head and a slight grin.</p><p>“I’m stealing some of it.” She determined after a few seconds.</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Rey crinkled her face at him and then checked her phone after it buzzed on the table.</p><p>It was the group chat with her, Rose, and Finn.</p><p>
  <strong>Rose: </strong>
  <strong>Could you make it MORE obvious how much you two would like to throw everything else off this table and bone on it?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Finn: Ugh, yes, at least warn us first. We’re right in the splash zone!</strong>
</p><p>She just rolled her eyes and did not dignify their texts with a response. This was difficult; this whole situation, and now that Rey was trying to work on being more honest with her friends, she still hadn’t had a chance to tell them about this emotionally charged weekend. She desperately wanted to change the subject to anything else.</p><p>“So, Finn, have you had a good birthday?”</p><p>He smiled at her and wrapped an arm around Rose, “Yes, I have, thank you. Thank you all for putting up with me for this long.”</p><p>He raised his water glass, and they all clinked them together. After they drank, Ben made a comment.</p><p>“Well, to be fair, <em>I </em>haven’t known you for nearly as long, so I haven’t decided whether I want to put up with you or not.” He joked, eyes sparkling with deviousness.</p><p>“Aww, I’m hurt Ben, I truly am,” Finn concluded, feigning offense, “I should think I would be easier to put up with then Rey.”</p><p>She scoffed at him.</p><p>“No, not really. You’re both just as annoying.” Rose commented and Finn frowned deeply at her.</p><p>Ben chuckled, “She’s not so bad…unless she’s blasting revenge jazz at you.”</p><p>Rey coughed after drinking her water as Finn asked what that meant, so Ben explained that she always blasts it through one of their apartments to annoy him.</p><p>She was blushing, glaring down at the table while Finn and Rose laughed.</p><p>“See, she <em>is </em>more annoying than me. I would <em>never</em> do that to you Ben.”</p><p>She heard him snort, “Well then I might have to reconsider who I live across from then.”</p><p>Rey shoved his shoulder, “Don’t make me bust out the jazziest jazz playlist on my phone right now.”</p><p>“You’re really just proving Finn’s point there hun.” Rose pointed out.</p><p>“Ugh!” She yelled, turning away from them.</p><p>“Hey, now calm down,” Ben said, placing a hand on her shoulder, and directed himself to Finn and Rose again, “she did it one time to annoy me <em>and </em>also get me out of my grumpiness in order to cheer me up.”</p><p>She turned her head slightly to him and tried to hide her smile. Before she could say anything, the waitress finally arrived, looking flustered.</p><p>“Sorry for the wait you guys. We’re really busy today! Oh, this looks like a nice double date!”</p><p>Rey shook her head. This, really?</p><p>“Oh, it’s not a double date. We’re not—”</p><p>“Oh, sorry, my mistake for assuming!” She responded immediately, giving Rey a quick remorseful look before she pulled out her notepad.</p><p>“To be fair, you were 50% right. We definitely are.” Finn piped up, wrapping an arm around Rose as if to throw it in Rey’s face. The asshole.</p><p>“Well you two make a lovely couple,” she smiled, “what can I get started for you guys?”</p><p>When they got their food, Rey tried to really not focus how Ben’s thigh grazed hers when he went to grab his plate from the waitress, and how it pretty much stayed there for the whole rest of the meal. Maybe it was just because there were so many other parts of his body to concentrate on, but he certainly had some nice, <em>thicc </em>ones. Of course. Because the world wasn’t just, now was it? It made her think about the feel of his strong body around her when he held her, his breath tickling her ear, which oddly enough made her calm down more than anything else could in the middle of her devastation. How was she supposed to act normal around him now that she knew what it was like to hold him too?</p><p>He said something to her and she had to ask him again what he said, too wrapped up in thinking about <em>him</em> to pay attention to what he had been trying to tell her.</p><p>“I said that you’re welcome to the rest of this. It looked like you were spacing out pretty bad at it.”</p><p>“Oh, right! Gimmie.” Rey said excitedly, taking his plate and pushing what was left of her rancheros to him.</p><p>Concentrating on food was much easier than thinking about his large hands dwarfing the silverware and his thunder thighs.</p><p>“Well?” He asked her while forking himself up a bite of the rancheros.</p><p>He wanted to know how the omelette was compared to his, of course. Just like she had with Taco Bell.</p><p>“Hmm,” she said with a mouth full of egg, tapping her chin with a finger, “this <em>is </em>good. Great, even.”</p><p>It looked like he was containing a smile as he chewed his own food.</p><p>“Rey, you know what I would do for this man to cook me an omelette? You should <em>be </em>so lucky.” Finn defended.</p><p>Ben nodded at him and swallowed his food, “Thank you, Finn. I’ll call you next time I’m making them.”</p><p>“And we can rub it in her little ungrateful face.” Finn said, shaking his fork at Rey.</p><p>“Hey, hey now, let’s not get too hasty. Don’t go poaching my omelette provider,” Rey stated, turning to Ben, “yours is better, obviously.”</p><p>He smirked at her, “Thanks.”</p><p>Finn went on about how unworthy Rey was about Ben’s food, taking advantage of it since he was always just right there. And it made Rey think. He was, he <em>really</em> was.</p><p>Ben insisted on paying for the whole thing for Finn’s birthday, which he somehow was able to convince the group of, but that didn’t stop Rey from Venmoing him anyway and he rolled his eyes when he looked at the notification that popped up on his phone.</p><p>“Rey paid you…for ‘Scoo do do bop,’ really? You just <em>had </em>to, didn’t you?”</p><p>She smiled and shrugged her shoulders at him just before getting out of the booth to follow Finn and Rose out of the restaurant. After they said their goodbyes, which was difficult and <em>annoyingly </em>startling when Ben brushed passed her, touching the small of her back to hug Finn. She had an intake of breath that Rose noticed and eyed her fiercely for it.</p><p><em>Shut up shut up shut up! </em>She thought, thankful that Rose couldn’t read her mind.</p><p>On their drive back in her car, she scanned her Spotify before backing the car out and smiled deceitfully while selecting a random jazz station, blasting it loudly.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess I had that one coming.” Ben said loudly, smiling into his lap.</p><p>Rey turned the music down and shook her head, “I probably wouldn’t have thought of it, but since you just <em>had </em>to say something and put me on blast like that.”</p><p>“I just think it’s kind of just adorable at this point, really.” He said, and somehow, her face still began to color despite the fact that they had called each other adorable on multiple occasions at this point.</p><p>Rey huffed while gripping the steering wheel, “Now we can’t have that. How am I supposed to annoy you now?”</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll find a way.” He joked.</p><p>She glared at him and then stared forward as the light turned green, making her way onto the 101 Freeway.</p><p>“So, that was brunch, huh?”</p><p>“That was brunch.”</p><p>“I always kind of wondered what it would be like to go.”</p><p>Rey smiled, “Well, it’s a little different when we have guest stars like you and Finn.”</p><p>“So it’s not the same when it’s just the girls?”</p><p>She snickered, “Of course not. We need to sit there and talk about boys and our periods and stuff.”</p><p>He also laughed, “That is what I imagine girls talk about.”</p><p>Their merriment continued as she merged into the carpool lane. This godforsaken freeway always seemed to have traffic on it, no matter what time or day of the week, “Right, just like how men talk about boobs and compare penis sizes and stuff.”</p><p>“The penis comparisons really require visual aids.”</p><p>She titled her head at him, “Naturally.”</p><p>They exchanged an amused glance before she took her phone and gave it to him, telling him to change it to something else.</p><p>“Taking mercy on me, are we?”</p><p>“Eh.” She figured.</p><p>When she heard the song come on, she smacked his leg, “Ugh, seriously Ben? Give me my phone, you’ve lost DJing privileges!”</p><p>It was probably fair for him to get her back after all of the jazz she had played him, and it was her fault telling him that she had heard “Thunder” by Imagine Dragons far too many times, so now she was irritated with it. She tried grabbing her phone from her, but he snatched it out of her reach.</p><p>“Aren’t you supposed to be concentrating on driving?”</p><p>“Screw you!”</p><p>“What? I can’t hear you over the thunder, thu-thu-thunder!”</p><p>“Ben!” She tried sounding harsh, but she just ended up giggling instead when she saw him belting out the rest of the chorus, turning up the music once more.</p><p>Just when she thought she had gotten his thunder thighs off her mind, too. She would listen to this song a million times if that meant she could gaze at what she was sure was a beautiful, pale display of sinewy glory. Lord, she really needed to turn down the thirst. Since they were just <em>friends </em>and all…friends that constantly called each other adorable…and cuddled and—</p><p>
  <em>Thunder! Th-th-thuder!</em>
</p><p>She ended up singing the last round of the chorus with him, giving into the moment, savoring in the feeling of joy this man gave her.</p><p>He was stupid and she hated him</p><p>“See, that wasn’t so bad.” He said, changing it to something decent.</p><p>“Right, okay jazz man.”</p><p>“That’s different.” He laughed.</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Because jazz sucks.”</p><p>“<em>You </em>suck.”</p><p>“Oh,” he said, holding his hand over his chest, “how will I ever recover from that one?”</p><p>She just stuck her tongue out at him and leaned on her hand that was resting on her door. For the rest of the car ride, they ended up just talking about nonsense like they normally do like, ‘would you still talk to me if I had to say th-th-thunder every other sentence?’ ‘Would you still talk to me if I took up playing the saxophone and practiced it constantly in your presence?’</p><p>When they got back to their apartments, Ben said he needed to take R2 out, so she just kind of went with him. He didn’t protest. As they walked together down the street, they lapsed into a comfortable silence that Rey was grateful for because while she still wanted to be around Ben, she needed to think, and perhaps he was doing the same thing. They made it to the park by their apartments, and she was granted the opportunity to contemplate everything that had happened over the weekend, and really, it was quite the emotional unload that she didn’t realize that she needed. It was making her start to realize some things, too.</p><p>She spent so much time with Ben now that it just seemed second nature to her, and even now she followed him to his apartment because she wanted to, and so it made her question why did she want his presence around her so much? She looked at him wordlessly as he kept his eyes on the ground as he walked. Rey knew full well that she had done this to herself, and this was exactly what she had always been afraid of, which was needing someone so much. Did she need him? Did she <em>need</em> anyone?</p><p>When she thought of Rose and Finn, for some reason it was a much easier notion to fathom; they were her best friends, of course she needed them, so…why was Ben’s position in her life so much harder to wrap her head around?</p><p>What would her life be like now without him? It was hard to say. She knew that ultimately, she would be fine if he weren’t in it, so where was the line with need and want? Were people supposed to need other people after all? She honestly didn’t know.</p><p>Right now, she just wanted him to be right across the street from her, so in the morning she could look over at him while she was getting ready for work and wave him goodnight when she went to bed. And was this how it was supposed to be? Just two neighbors who comforted one another when necessary and…nothing more?</p><p>As they walked, their hands brushed, and as a result of the contact, she let out a little gasp. However, when she felt Ben just take her hand and intertwine their fingers, it didn’t feel weird or wrong. It was just…normal. It reminded her of when he had done the same thing a couple of nights ago when there was alcohol involved. When he had done it then, she figured his boldness just had to do with that, but now things felt different. And so much had transpired even since then. She thought of her contentedness of that night before they had left to go home. It’s how she felt now, and maybe this feeling was enough. They were friends, and she certainly had never had one like this before, and it was worth exploring what that meant. Apparently at this present juncture, physical touch was just something they both wanted. Rey understood that was something that didn’t even need to be spoken between them.</p><p>When she met his eyes, there was a lightness to them that made her feel warmer than her hand in his.</p><p>They held hands all the way back to his apartment, but he let go so he could unlock door of his building, but not before he gave hers a squeeze. In his apartment, she just walked over to his couch and settled herself on it, and after a couple of minutes, Ben did too.</p><p>His presence was always enticing to her, but currently it felt like a magnet that she was tired of denying. She scooted closer to him until her head met his lap, which was a position that she was quickly deciding was one of her favorite places to be. His arms welcomed her as one of his hand rode down her arm.</p><p>“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever done?” Rey asked eventually, remembering their conversation in the car, wanting to continue the nonsense. It was a comfort she met with closed eyes and the warmth of Ben’s thigh under her cheek. Really, how had they gone under her radar for so long?</p><p>He chuckled and brushed her hair out of her face, “Um, I don’t know…I…ate a whole apple once.”</p><p>“Mm,” he hummed, “that’s not <em>that</em> weird.”</p><p>“No,” he defended, “I’m talking like the <em>whole </em>thing, core, seeds, stem and all.”</p><p>She laughed and turned to lie on her back so she could face him, “Why?”</p><p>He shrugged, “I honestly don’t know. The thought just kind of hit me and then I just did it. It was when I was in high school, eating lunch with Poe.”</p><p>Rey scrunched her nose at him, “Did he say anything about it?”</p><p>He shook his head while his fingers started to braid her hair at the crown of her head, “He just like, looked at me oddly and shrugged his shoulders.”</p><p>Her face lifted with a smile and she reveled in the feeling of his fingers on her scalp, closing her eyes, “Okay, that’s pretty weird.”</p><p>“What about you?”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“Yeah, you.”</p><p>She opened them, “Oh, I don’t think I want to tell you…it’s like really stupid.”</p><p>“Come on, you can’t just ask me something like that and not pay up with your own story.”</p><p>She blushed and wouldn’t meet his eyes, sighing, “Well…okay. When I was a kid, I obviously was pretty lonely and had to entertain myself a lot. So…I used to do stupid shit just to pass the time.”</p><p>“Mm hm.” Ben hummed as his hand gestured for her to turn her head so he could continue his work.</p><p>“So this one time and honestly at this point, I don’t even remember what home I was at, but I just decided out of nowhere that I was going to wear a bag on my head. I drew this dumb face on it and everything,” she giggled, recalling the memory, “I cut out these eye holes and just walked around all day like that. No one even said anything about it.”</p><p>He paused what he was doing, so she gazed up at him to find that he was just staring down at her with furrowed eyebrows.</p><p>A slow smile formed on his lips before he started to chortle deep in his throat.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>, Rey that is so stupid,” he said, and then he was laughing at her, a full on guffaw and shook his head, “that is like the dumbest thing I have ever heard, and I love it…just like, thinking of little Rey walking around the house with a bag on her head for no reason, oh my god.”</p><p>She joined him and he had to take a deep breath before calming himself, beaming down at her.</p><p>“Wow, you have me beat for sure.”</p><p>Turning over again so he could finish whatever he was doing with her hair, she had an immense sense of satisfaction, “Good.”</p><p>“Please just surprise me one day and walk around your apartment like that. It will make my whole life.”</p><p>“Hmm…I’ll—think about it.”</p><p>They lapsed into another conversation that was pretty much just as nonsensical as the rest before he finished her braid, and eventually he turned Netflix on, and they ended up with their backs on either ends of the couch, their legs tangled in the middle. She made fun of how much more room he was taking up as she lowered herself to lie down on the couch all of the way.</p><p>“Now who’s taking up all the room?” He asked while his foot tapped her leg.</p><p>“Still you, it’s <em>always </em>you.” Rey smiled back at him.</p><p>This whole conversation felt rather juvenile considering the fact that they were both grown adults with grown adult jobs, but she couldn’t find herself to care how undignified it was.</p><p>“Hey, Rey?” Ben asked her after the movie they were watching was over.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>He was silent for a few moments before he spoke up again, “Do you…really not need anyone?”</p><p>“What?” She asked, completely shocked at his question. She definitely wasn’t expecting that.</p><p>She looked over at Ben, who wouldn’t meet her eyes, but appeared to be extremely pensive, “I just…I was thinking about what Finn said earlier about you not needing anyone, and I was wondering how you really felt about it.”</p><p>She breathed in for a few moments and bit her lip and answered truthfully, “I don’t—I don’t know anymore.”</p><p>She still couldn’t bring herself to look at him now, but he continued to speak anyway, “It’s just—I used to think that way, that’s all.”</p><p>Her gaze still faced forward and not at him, “And now you don’t?”</p><p>Finally, she lifted herself to meet his eyes, and they seemed so serious, “No, I don’t think so.”</p><p>Her chest felt heavy, and when she didn’t say anything, he felt him exhale. After a spell of silence, he started another movie. It made her feel worse.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“I don’t get Rey. Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” Rose asked her over the phone as she was driving home from work on a Friday. There was a lot of traffic, so she had quite a bit of time to kill, “what do you have to lose at this point?”</p><p>“Everything Rose. He’s too important.” She explained.</p><p>“I know that, but come on. After seeing you two together at Finn’s birthday and then hearing about everything that happened after, there is no <em>way</em> that he doesn’t feel the same. He held you all night and then made you breakfast for Christ’s sake.” Rose countered.</p><p>They were past the point of joking about this matter. It wasn’t funny anymore and Rey couldn’t take the ridicule at the moment.</p><p>“Please don’t Rose. I am so exhausted.”</p><p>Rose sighed and Rey could tell she was holding back, “I just want you to be happy.”</p><p>“I am happy.”</p><p>“Are you?”</p><p>Rey thought about it and relented, not being able to keep things from Rose anymore, “No, not exactly right now, but I will be. I can be.”</p><p>“I just don’t think you will until you are finally honest with him.”</p><p>She had to slam on her brakes because the car in front of her did the same, and it caused her to momentarily forget what they were even talking about. She sighed and thought about Rose’s words.</p><p>“Maybe…maybe you’re right.” Rey admitted.</p><p>“I think I am,” Rose agreed, “and I think you’ve known this a long time, but you’ve been too afraid to accept it. Rey, I knew from the moment I saw him how much he meant to you, and I have never seen anything like what you guys share, and I’ve told you this a million times. I think you’re both being so blind to it, and I really don’t know why.”</p><p>She knew why. She was afraid, still.</p><p>Rey stared into the car ahead of hers license plate like it owed her money. She hated how accurate Rose was, and she hated that even after everything she and Ben had been though, she was still holding him at a street’s length.</p><p>Now she knew she cared about him enough to know the truth, even if that meant rejection. She only hoped that if he did, that she would still be able to stay in his life.</p><p>“I need to think about this.” Rey decided.</p><p>“Okay, well please, check in with me. Finn and I worry.”</p><p>Rey nodded and then realized that Rose couldn’t see her, “I will, I promise.”</p><p>“Alright, sweetie. Good luck with everything.”</p><p>She and Rose hung up, and Rey thought about everything she was feeling the entire ride home. Could she actually do this? Ben, without even trying, had broken so many boundaries with her that she had never even done with anyone else, and now he had seen her at her most abrasive, most vulnerable state, and he <em>still </em>came back for her, refusing to heed her words when she had told him to go. When she really let herself think about it, that was exactly the sort of person that she needed in her life. A complete repudiation to leave, even after she pushes them away. The boy clearly did not scare easily. It made her feel like perhaps there were things that she could open up to him more about, like her true feelings for him and maybe even other aspects of her past, if he were willing to listen. She really hoped that he was.</p><p>Not feeling like making dinner, she stopped by her favorite Chinese place—the very same one she stopped on that day she first saw Ben. How far they had come since then.</p><p>She unlocked her door, feeling relieved that she was finally home, and feeling apprehensive and actually ready about the conversation that she was going to have to have with Ben. She could do this; she knew she could. After all, she had been able to leave those cupcakes at his door, hadn’t she? That meant she would be able to tell him that she was in a constant state of wanting to kiss him when he was around, and what she felt for him was something she couldn’t even put into words, right?</p><p>Walking into her apartment, what she saw over at Ben’s nearly made her collapse.</p><p>His girlfriend was back. It was the first time she had seen her in many, many months. Rey couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She felt like she was in a trance. How could this be real? How could he do this to her? After the whole Tinder thing hadn’t worked out, did he just feel like going back to something he already knew?</p><p>She felt so stupid for feeling like there was enough there to truly express herself. He had made his feelings clear from the beginning, and somehow Rey had still managed to make up all of these hopeful scenarios in her head. How naïve she was. He had probably been thinking of her this whole time.</p><p>In a complete trance, Rey had somehow made it to her kitchen table, and she didn’t know how long she had sat there, purse still over her shoulder and food growing cold. She didn’t even care that she was just sitting there, staring. They were at the door now, and she turned to leave, but not before she turned around to kiss him.</p><p>Then she was gone, and he closed the door behind her. He stood there for a couple of seconds before he turned to face Rey. Angry tears had formed now, and she didn’t know what to even do with herself. How was she supposed to watch them like that? If she saw him close the blinds now, she knew she was honestly just going to have to move. She suddenly found the will to move and hastily went into her room and threw her purse on the ground, holding back a sob. Completely restless, she wanted to pace back and forth, so when she walked back out and looked into his apartment, she was met with a horrifying sight.</p><p>He had left his apartment. Holy <em>hell</em>, was he coming over here <em>now</em>? Or was he going to steal more moments with his girlfriend? Either way, she went to make sure the door was locked because she really didn’t think she could handle talking to him at the moment.</p><p>There was a knock on the door eventually anyway.</p><p>She certainly didn’t answer it.</p><p>“Rey? Can I please come in?” He asked from the other side of the door.</p><p>Saying nothing for a minute or so, she still stayed right where he was.</p><p>He knocked again.</p><p>“<em>No</em>.”</p><p>There was silence for a few moments, “Please.”</p><p>It sounded so desperate and so distressing that she had brought her hand to the doorknob. She cursed herself for it, that she was so frantic to see him that she was still so willing to throw the door open and slap him.</p><p>She knew she wasn’t going to though.</p><p>“I’m not leaving until you open this door.” Ben stated, and Rey fully believed that that was true. He had the key anyway, so it wasn’t as if he couldn’t just barge in here. She took a couple deep breaths and unlocked it having a horrible sense of déjà vu for when she had slammed the door on him the first time he just showed up here. Turning away, and walked a few steps into her apartment, not really wanting to face him at all.</p><p>She heard him open the door and step inside.</p><p>“Rey.”</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“I want to explain what you just saw.”</p><p>She crossed her arms, “Why does it matter?”</p><p>He didn’t speak for a few seconds, “Because I don’t want you to get the wrong impression.”</p><p>Those words strung together didn’t seem fair, and it made her feel like someone had just thrown her into an ice bath, and so she turned around to him fiercely, “And what impression would that be, Benjamin?”</p><p>He appeared to be perplexed before he opened his mouth to speak, “I—”</p><p>“Because it seems to <em>me</em> that you’ve either been lying to me or you’ve just gotten really good at hiding her around.”</p><p>“What?” He asked, drawing back from her, “I never lied to you—”</p><p>“And again, let me bring up the fact that it doesn’t even matter,” she interrupted, “you can do whatever you want. You don’t have to answer to me about the choices you make and you<em> don’t</em> have to keep her from me.”</p><p>It seemed like the response he had ready died in his throat, “Is that how you really feel?”</p><p>
  <em>No. </em>
</p><p>She stared back at him indignantly, “<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p>His nostrils flared and he actually appeared to be a little angry, which was good because so was she; anger was something she always understood, “I just don’t <em>get</em> you sometimes Rey.” He concluded, throwing his hands up in the air at her.</p><p>Furrowing her eyebrows, she scoffed at him, “<em>You </em>don’t get <em>me</em>? I’m not the one strutting around with a secret girlfriend that didn’t care enough to be honest about it.”</p><p>“Goddammit Rey, it wasn’t what it looked like!” He yelled, startling her, “and here you are, being so hot and cold with me that sometimes I don’t know how to even approach you or where I stand with you.”</p><p>She got so irritated and defiant that it took all of her strength <em>not</em> to go and slap him, “That’s <em>not </em>fair.”</p><p>“Yes, it is!” He countered back with just as much vigor, “I literally held you all night in bed last week and now you’re pushing me away, <em>again</em>.” He stated, practically growling.</p><p>And this was the danger of letting him in so much. He knew her game, and he knew <em>her</em>, “What other choice do I have? Just when I think I can open up to you, you’re kissing other girls in your doorway.”</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair and grunted, “Would you just <em>stop</em>? Why are you being like this? You still haven’t let me explain—”</p><p>“I don’t need to <em>hear</em> it.” Rey forced through her teeth.</p><p>“And why not?” He asked indignantly, taking a few steps toward her, “What are you so afraid of hearing?”</p><p>Her face formed into a sneer, and she knew exactly the answer to that question because it had been plaguing her since the moment she realized she cared about this stranger across the street. She was so upset that the words came out of her before she could even fathom filtering them, “<em>I can’t bear the thought of losing you, okay</em>?!” She yelled, holding back a sob, “I have gotten so used to you just being there, across the street, that now I can’t imagine what it would be like for you not to be, and that terrifies me!”</p><p>Her words, they stayed there. They stayed there in the very room she had first seen him, started to care for him, talk to him, and cry with him. She wanted to look away more than anything, but his eyes held her; they had trapped her. They were both breathing deeply.</p><p>Then, his expression grew so much softer, the lines in his face were gone and his brow unfurrowed like he had just finished solving an impossible logic problem in his head, “Rey, you haven’t lost me, I’m right here.”</p><p>“Then why do I <em>feel</em> like I have?” She yelled back.</p><p>“I don’t really know,” he said, so softly now, “I’ve already told you this. And I don’t know how else to say it,” Ben concluded, and now the worse had happened because his eyes seemed hurt, “why are you making so many assumptions about me? Don’t you know me well enough at this point to know that I wouldn’t just leave you like that?”</p><p>Her gaze met the floor after she was done looking at his tender expression, “Because that is what everyone always does!” She yelled desperately, finding her fire again, “Everyone in my life always has, so it’s just easier for me to push away instead of being heartbroken again. All of the families that I have ever stayed with, my parents, and my…<em>grandfather</em>,” her voice broke at the end of her sentence. She couldn’t believe that she was saying all of these things out loud, “and they all claimed to care about me too…and now I’ve been alone ever since!”</p><p>She was breathing harshly and couldn’t face him. Rey had been pushed away so much, that it was what she adapted to. In response, now it was the only thing she knew how to do. Ben stared at the floor in her periphery, but then he made his way to her.</p><p>“Rey.” He said, capturing her face with one of his hands.</p><p>“No, please don’t.”</p><p>“Rey,” he whispered, lifting her face to make her meet his eyes, “you’re not alone.”</p><p>They were kindly spoken words with a very comforting sentiment, but Rey couldn’t bring herself to believe them, “<em>Why</em>? Why have you stayed? After everything I’ve put you through? I don’t understand.”</p><p>His hand dropped from her face and he took a couple steps away from her, “Jesus Christ, isn’t it obvious?”</p><p>“Isn’t <em>what</em> obvious?” Rey asked, rather confused.</p><p>“Rey, I…I care about you so much.”</p><p>She looked up at him to find his sincere eyes, “I know you do.”</p><p>He shook his head, “No, I don’t think you do because I just—I don’t know how you <em>still </em>don’t get it!” Ben bellowed, which took her aback before he continued, “I thought that night when Rose and Finn came over that your words almost <em>broke</em> me, but…that…that didn’t mean I wanted to stop cooking for you or be there for you when you’re sad.”</p><p>She felt as if her fog of confusion would never clear, “What are you even talking about?”</p><p>He sighed, “You’re really going to make me say it, aren’t you?”</p><p>“Ben, I am really just trying to understand—”</p><p>“I fucking deleted Tinder for you Rey!” He shouted and her eyes widened, “I want you so bad that I feel like I can’t even <em>think</em> straight sometimes!”</p><p>Rey did not know why it took her so long to understand, and perhaps it was because she was so far in denial that he actually could feel that way, “No, no…there’s no way that could be true.”</p><p>She was sure that she had never seen such a disbelieving look on someone’s face as his words started to sink in, “Yes, it is.”</p><p>“No,” she shook her head, no no no, it couldn’t <em>conceivably </em>be, “it <em>can’t </em>be.”</p><p>“Rey—”</p><p>“But how could you possibly?” She yelled, voice tense, “How in the world would you <em>ever</em> want someone like me?!”</p><p>“What are you even talking about?!” He yelled throwing his arms in the air, “Rey, I am sorry okay?! …You—you literally drive me <em>crazy </em>with not wearing pants around the house and how close you get to me sometimes. I have tried <em>so</em> hard holding it together this entire time—and I have tried everything, <em>everything </em>to get you out of my head. I tried having a girlfriend, dating other girls under <em>your </em>behest, telling myself over and over that it wasn’t supposed feel like coming home whenever I would get back to my apartment and see you there, not at all caring about whoever it was I was out with because she wasn’t <em>you</em>…because at the end of the day, you had made your feelings clear about me, and I was just—” he paused, sounding absolutely strained. He was breathing hard with his hands on his hips, “trying to accept the fact that this woman, this woman came into my life like an unannounced tornado, who seems perfect for me in every single way didn’t feel the same about me, so I was trying to move on, accept everything I had with you for what it was…a beautiful, life-altering friendship…but I just couldn’t Rey. I can’t…I want you in my life more than <em>anything</em>, but I don’t—I don’t think I can <em>do</em> this anymore.”</p><p>She bit her lip before responding, holding back even more tears, “D-do what?”</p><p>He ran a hand through his hair, “I can’t just be your friend when all I want is to hold you at night, make breakfast for you in the morning, fight with you over the stupidest things, make dumb jokes over our plants, and annoying you with fucking chicken fingers, I just…I want everything. I want <em>everything</em> from you,” he admitted so fiercely and looked down at the floor, “…so, I am sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable.”</p><p>She felt completely verklempt, like she couldn’t even move, “<em>Why</em>…why do you want all of that with <em>me</em>? I am just a nobody. I am just some foster kid from the UK that no one ever wanted.”</p><p>He smiled sadly while his eyes met hers again, “You are most definitely are <em>not</em> nobody, and you are the most amazing woman I have ever met…you’re smart, and determined. You care about everyone around you so much, you’re so delightfully weird, and you’re the first person in a long time who ever just did something for me simply because you cared about me. <em>And you hadn’t even met me yet</em>…and that’s even <em>touching </em>on everything you’ve done for me since,” he confessed ferociously and sighed, throwing up an arm again, “not to mention that you’re the most stunningly gorgeous woman that I have <em>ever</em> seen.”</p><p>She breathed in, “I—” and now she really was at a <em>true </em>loss for words, “I had no idea you felt that way.”</p><p>He looked down again, now seeming upset all over while he sighed, “I didn’t want to lose you either, so I didn’t tell you. I thought that I would have scared you off too, or…made you feel like you were in a completely uncalled for awkward situation about still staying friends with me if you knew how I really felt. And—I’m not…I’m just <em>not</em>.”</p><p>He didn’t elaborate the end of his sentiment any more as she took in his words and felt so devastatingly contented to actually hear them come out of his mouth, but she still felt cold piercing stab of insecurity pierce her heart, “Ben, I—I’m never going to work right,” she stated as her eyes went downwards as well and looked back up at him with fresh tears, “I’m like a car on its last legs that needs a whole new engine and just an oil change isn’t going to fix…I’m not—I’m not enough. I will <em>never </em>be enough.”</p><p>Airing out her biggest insecurities was not something she normally made a habit of, but now she felt like she couldn’t stop. Ben just stared at her, so she continued rambling, “I won’t—I can’t be…normal. I’m just…<em>broken</em>.”</p><p>Ben took a step closer to her with the most poignant eyes she had ever seen, “Oh, Rey…You <em>are</em> enough. You are <em>more </em>than enough. You’re—you’re <em>everything</em>.” His voice broke slightly at the end of his sentence.</p><p>Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest as she made his odd sort of exhaling noise that almost sounded like a cry. She wanted to say he was wrong, but the look he was giving her almost made her believe him. His eyes that had always been so expressive were communicating such a heartbreaking sorrow, and it was because of her. Because he thought that she didn’t feel the same. His gaze was met with the ground once more.</p><p>There it was, his confession that she had absolutely <em>convinced</em> herself wouldn’t be a possibility; why would it with everything else in her life working out <em>so</em> well? Why would this have gone her way when she was clearly at the root of all her problems. People had always left her for a <em>reason</em>. And was it because she was difficult? Because she was combative? Because she was ultimately and fundamentally meant to be alone? Her own parents hadn’t even tried to find her. Why would anyone else be with her here, now?</p><p>No, no that couldn’t be. Because Ben was right here. He was here and he just told her all of these beautiful things, things she had always wanted to hear from another human being, and she never would have thought someone as lovely as Ben would be the one uttering his true, returned feelings. Rey felt like her feet were glued to the floor as the seconds ticked on, on and on as her brain was trying to tell her to <em>do </em>something, <em>anything </em>to show this wonderful, life-altering man that he meant all of that to her and more.</p><p>“Ben.” She finally shot out of her mouth with an actual sob, and he finally looked back up at her with glassy eyes.</p><p>She wanted to tell him it wasn’t true, any of it. How his nickname had always meant something, how it bothered her so much to see or even think about him with other women, how every day it was a struggle to just remain in their platonic relationship too, and that he had felt like the first real thing in her entire life that she wanted to hold in her hands because it felt precious. How she wanted. Every. Single. Thing. about him and more, so much more.</p><p>Everything, she wanted <em>everything </em>from him.</p><p>She sucked in a shallow breath, and he watched her as she finally found the strength to close the gap between them that had been width of a street that had always seemed so infinite, but was now conceivable as she took rapid steps to reach him. And when she did, she could nearly feel his breath so close to her as she stood up on her tip toes, reaching for his face, and kissed him, his impossibly soft lips finally meeting hers.</p><p>It only lasted a second or two before she stood back down, somehow still feeling insecure about her action, but she saw him look stunned out of his skull for another few instants, and then he was reaching for her, wrapping his arms around her immediately, and she lifted herself once more to kiss him again; he was more than ready to return it, pulling her completely against himself, slanting his mouth down to her as their lips moved together in the most earth shattering way. And Rey, she felt it all as she thought she was actually going to faint as her eyebrows furrowed, moving on her toes more to accommodate him because her entire world was currently wrapped up in his mouth.</p><p>It felt like it was slow motion as they pulled away, and she looked into his eyes once more. And as Ben stared at her, the emotion in his eyes he was giving her was probably going to be burned into her memory for the rest of her life, but she found she was completely accepting of it. She had seen him look at her before like this, and now she finally understood what it was. It was reverence, such pure and true reverence, and it overwhelmed her in a way that she had never felt before.</p><p>Rey reached for his face and rubbed his cheek lightly before she stood up and kissed him again, not being able to be away from his mouth again now that she had tasted it. This was it. She was kissing Ben Solo. She was <em>kissing Ben Solo</em>, the man that she was slowly letting into her heart, and now his lips were on hers and she didn’t think she had ever felt something so amazingly devastating in her life.</p><p>“I want everything from you too,” she whispered against his mouth, pulling away from him so she could look into his eyes. She raised her hand to tuck some of his hair behind his ear gingerly and traced the shell of it with her fingers down to the lobe like she had done before months ago, only this time it wasn’t going to espouse apprehension and regret; quite the opposite, “so much.”</p><p>He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, and then he was pulling her closer with his fingers gripping her hips and rested their foreheads together, sighing contentedly.</p><p>Then, he was smiling at her as Rey gazed up at him. It was the most beautiful smile that she had ever seen with the barring of his teeth and lidded eyes before he lifted her, and kissed all over her, her nose, her eye lids, her cheeks before he was back at her mouth as he set her down with such vigor that it nearly caused her to lose her balance, but he was there to steady her as she finally got to really run her fingers through that glorious hair, and it was more soft and magnificent than she could have imagined.</p><p>His movements, his steady arms, and his mouth were what was keeping her grounded to reality, and now, he was deepening the kiss with his tongue grazing her bottom lip. She responded with what she was sure was a tiny whimper escaping her throat before she was letting him inside of her mouth, and her stomach was getting away with her by flipping nearly inside out because she now finally felt his hunger, his desire that matched hers in this dance. It was in the way he held her, how he’d raise his hand to graze her cheek and slid it to the nape of her neck. It was how he sucked on her bottom lip, skimming it with his teeth before taking a couple of breaths, only to return to her mouth a few seconds later as if it were going to seize to exist if he didn’t have it on his again, or like it was all a fleeting sensation, and he had to chase it until it diminished completely around him.</p><p>But Rey was here, she was with him, to reassure him that it wasn’t this ephemeral reverie with her mouth, her tongue, <em>her</em> teeth that she finally got to sink into his lip while her thumbs raced over his cheekbones.</p><p>Then his mouth was at her neck, kissing and sucking at her skin and she thought her eyes were already going to roll into the back of her head. He traveled all the way down to her collarbones, straining to bend down that far before he was going back up, all the way to her ear to lick behind it and dear all that was holy was he good at this.</p><p>“I can’t believe that I’m kissing you Rey. I…can’t tell you how long I’ve wanted to have you in my arms like this, so I could hold you,” he whispered in her ear, raising his hand to the other side of her face, “and get put my mouth all over you…but I thought—I just thought—”</p><p>He sighed and kissed below her ear.</p><p>Rey grabbed his face again, meeting his eyes before she kissed him again, “I know Ben, I know…I thought too.”</p><p>Why would anyone want a hot, dysfunctional mess like her?</p><p>It was not the most eloquent of sentences, but he seemed to completely understand its meaning because he sighed again, but in a much lighter way this time and pressed his lips to hers with that same exigency.</p><p>Soon, they were kissing more and more ferociously in the middle of her apartment, and Rey really wasn’t sure if it was him reaching for her or her jumping to lift herself up—or maybe it was a combination of both, but now her legs were wrapped around his waist, and he was walking them towards the couch, sitting them down ungracefully but with a real conclusiveness to it. She yelped as he chuckled, peppering kisses down her jawline and neck as he adjusted her in his lap, his hands easily lifted her to the proper position. Thinking of all the lost time they had, <em>apparently</em> mutually pining one another from across the street—Finn was right all along; it made her frustrated, but she couldn’t think about that now with Ben’s tongue in her mouth, and it was probably in the most appeasing way possible, she ventured in her head.</p><p>Her fingers were in his hair again; she never wanted to stop carding through the unbelievably soft strands. Rey’s mind was still trying to wrap her head around the notion that she even was getting to do this, touch him freely wherever she wanted as Ben’s hands scaled all over her body, wrapped around her, on her thighs, in her hair, cradling her neck, down her spine. That caused her to shiver, and she felt him smile into her mouth.</p><p>She could spend the rest of her life kissing this man as far as she was concerned. She could die here. Her gravestone would say, ‘Here lies Rey Kenobi, she passed away doing what she loved, her mouth on top of Ben Solo’s. Rest in peace.’</p><p>His fingers moved to her hips and gripped them tighter when she started to kiss his up his neck and to his jaw, following to that glorious ear where she finally was able to put her mouth all over it, worshiping it with her lips, skimming it with her tongue, biting his earlobe, which caused a delicious, tiny moan to escape from his mouth. Then she kissed the two moles next to his ear before she traveled back to his mouth once more where she pressed hers to his, hard. It lasted several long, magnificent seconds, and eventually she felt Ben’s hands travel up her back again before she pulled away.</p><p>Their eyes met, and she didn’t think she had ever seen his look so warm, so inviting. So <em>eager</em> as they stared back into hers, and she couldn’t help but beam at him, which was quickly reciprocated before they were scanning each other’s faces frantically, and their mouths collided again with hunger, with practical <em>avarice </em>as their lips slid over each other urgently. It was messy, it was teeth clashing, it was tongues meeting sloppily, it was everything.</p><p>Rey felt her heart clench and her brows knit together as she felt Ben’s irrefutable mutual vehemence, his unquestionable thirst for her mouth. It practically made her want to cry.</p><p>There were soft moaning noises, sounds of rushed breathing, the undeniable smack of two mouths in a crescendo of desperation. Kissing him was so unreal, that it made Rey ruminate on the rest of it. How much better could this feeling get? How much better could Ben’s skin against hers feel? It made her go lightheaded, and she was off-kilter with the anticipation of it.</p><p>Ever so slowly, her hand crept down his body, fingers languidly appreciating the divots over his clothes before it slid up his shirt, and she got to feel all of those astounding muscles that had teased her for so, so long. She felt them tense under touch.</p><p>“Rey,” he whispered away from her mouth, slowing her hand, “we don’t have to—”</p><p>She put a finger to his lips, silencing him immediately, “<em>Shut</em> it, Solo! We’ve already waited this long, and I am <em>done</em> waiting,” she said, leaning down and whispered in his ear, “take me to bed, <em>now</em>.”</p><p>His eyes widened, and he let out a sigh of what seemed like relief before he gave a slow, devious smile, “Yes ma’am.”</p><p>Then Ben’s mouth was on hers again, hands roaming down to her ass, greedily scaling it, “You have the most <em>perfect </em>ass Rey,” Ben admitted to her lips, and she squealed after he squeezed her cheeks, and he spent several moments palming it. Then he was lifting her by it, her legs wrapping themselves around him once more as they blindly stumbled to her bedroom door in another frantic kiss that was going to probably cause her to go into cardiac arrest.</p><p>Again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>
  
</p><p> </p><p>LOLOLOL couldn't help but bring that gif back because. You. GUYS. O.M.F.G. IT'SFINALLYHAPPENING. 🤯🥳🍾🎉🎊</p><p>WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT did you EVER believe it would???!??!?!?</p><p>So finally, we let the fuckening commence...amen.</p><p>Wow, I seriously have been just BURSTING at the seams (and so have Ben and Rey, and all of you guys) to be HERE. What do we think of all that CONFESSING??? And tonsil hockey??? And impending BONING?!??!? HOLY SHIT I MIGHT EXPLODE. WOW.</p><p>Okayyyyy. So, ofc I want to post the fuckening like ASAP, but like, I've got a 20 page paper due next Sunday, and it is like literally the worst timing ever I SWEAR to god I would NEVER have planned that for myself. I want it to be like, absolutely perfect for you guys too, so UGH I hate to say you might have to wait a lil longer than a week because I want your eyes to feast upon the best I can give you. I will try my best to edit and rework all of the parts I feel is necessary (I swear I've pretty much rewritten like so many things since I first wrote it like MONTHS ago) while I am working on my stupid Ben Solo of a paper. I have no life so it's not IMPOSSIBLE. </p><p>Lol I think it's horribly ironic that the chapter that was the original end of the chapter count is the one where they finally get GOING. Imagine if I left it there and just ended it. Y'all would MURDER me I am pretty sure.</p><p>Anyway, y'all are the bEST of ALL TIME for being this patient, putting up with all of my bullshit, and I want to gingerly kiss all of you on the forehead FOREVER. Thank you so, so much. FOR EVERYTHING. GUHHH!</p><p>Aaaand we <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m going into you again<br/>I know you saw it too</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDIjTaPt9co">The Background World</a>” –Nine Inch Nails</p><p>I apologize profusely for distracting you at ALL from the fuckening, but I thought you guys would be interested...I actually wrote a POV for Ben waking up after Finn's party, but it felt weird to post here, so I did on my tumblr in case you missed it! It's something I would like to continue in the future, so please have a look <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/post/636255880584757248/before-posting-this-chapter-i-legitimately-wrote">here</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around him, kissing him again shamelessly. They seemed to be kissing without any sort of awareness of what was going on around them as they bumped into the doorway, but he kicked it open proceeded to throw her up against it while he earnestly kept his mouth on top of hers. This was already starting to feel like it was just another fantasy, and another tease of a dream that felt entirely too real; however, before Rey had a chance to deliberate on that horrifying thought more, Ben continued to venture into the room blindly, approaching the bed. He laid her down on top of it in a surprisingly gentle manner, toeing out of his shoes and then crawled on top of her, “<em>Mm</em>, still can’t believe I’m here.” He admitted lowly against her neck, nibbling at it. And as soon as Rey felt his wonderous weight on top of her, she knew she loved the feeling of it, like she was being encompassed by him, wholly and irrevocably.</p><p>They continued to kiss, her fingers in his hair again, and while Rey didn’t exactly have a lot of room in her brain for many coherent thoughts, she <em>did </em>have enough of a cognition to cogitate on the fact that she, Rey Kenobi, was in fact, making out with Ben Solo in her bed.</p><p>Rey Kenobi was making out with Ben Solo. In her bed.</p><p>In <em>her bed</em>. Like a couple of horny teens, not wanting to get caught by a set of parents.</p><p>She loved it.</p><p>And now she didn’t know how long she had been smiling into his mouth, but she felt him smile back and he pulled away from her to look in her eyes, and when Rey got a look at his mussed hair and lips that had just been on top of hers, she actually sighed because she was just <em>so </em>enraptured by him; she was just so entirely thankful that she <em>hadn’t</em> managed to scare him away. Their eyes met and they seemed to exchange this look of utter befuddlement mixed with the best brand of awe, and Ben gave her that glorious smile again before he leaned down to nudge their noses together.</p><p>“Can I keep kissing you Rey?” He asked her softly against her mouth.</p><p>She actually laughed, “Is that a serious question?”</p><p>He shrugged and continued to beam at her, “I just like being able to say it out loud.”</p><p>Oh, he needed to get his mouth back on hers <em>right </em>now. She was pretty sure she was going to have to be surgically removed from it.</p><p>She practically yanked it back to hers by his hair and he grunted against it, reaching up to touch her face as their tongues met again desperately.</p><p>Their bodies began to react to each other too, Rey noticed, almost seemingly of their own volition. Her foot rubbing against his calf, his fingers caressing her ear, and the other hand venturing down her side, under her top, and up it again, slowly, ever so enticingly. Oh, how she loved how he touched her skin.</p><p>Her hands went from gripping his hair to finally getting to touch the wide expanse of <em>his </em>skin, fingers almost itching to feel it underneath them as they found their way under his shirt and up his back. Ben sighed into her mouth and started to kiss down her jaw and her neck again. Rey’s hands felt greedy; they felt like they had just won the ultimate hand contest with the way they were running up and down his muscles, blessed to be met with such a prize.</p><p>They slid all the way up his back once more, scrunching up the material of his shirt until he seemed to get the hint and sat up to take it off. And here she thought her hands had just been so lucky. Now it was her eyes that were the real winners.</p><p>Rey finally got to see him, towering over her, and she had never been up this close to his half naked body, so she sat up and scaled her hands all over him. Okay, maybe both her hands and her eyes had fallen into a great bit of fortitude. Here she was, staring into those pectorals she had been obsessing over for she didn’t even know how long. Her whole life really, if she had to imagine. She probably came out the womb all the way from Westminster thinking she wanted to get her hands all over those tits on that American who was surely designed and put on this Earth to run a train over her entire life.</p><p>And now her hands were here, motioning on his chest, and they were allowed to travel slowly down his body, concentrating and tracing over particular beauty marks she would find, which she was pleased to discover a seemingly endless amount of while she felt his eyes on her as her fingertips appreciated his midsection. Rey actually found herself sighing again at this marvel of a man. Her gaze met his and they held a question in them that she was immediately going to answer for him.</p><p>“You’re so beautiful.” She told him, sounding completely out of breath but certain.</p><p>His face twisted into that of denial, she was sure of it, which was absolutely <em>ridiculous</em>, so she leaned into him for another kiss and pulled away from him slightly, “You are.”</p><p>He smiled almost shyly and looked down before tugging her into his lap and kissing her senseless. And his lips found their way over hers again, wanting, just wanting more and more as his hands wandered into her shirt again. His fingers caressed her skin tentatively, up and down her back, so she just opted to take it off, and he smiled, eyes falling over her body. He leaned down to immediately suck on the skin above her chest. It felt so intoxicating, and then one of his hands completely engulfed her still covered breast, and she truly didn’t know how she was going to handle the rest of the evening if his touch already did this to her. One of his fingers dipped under the fabric and skimmed her nipple and she squealed slightly. He chortled darkly as his other hand wrapped around her to unhook her bra, which he barely fumbled with before it was free. She felt like she practically ripped it away from her chest as if she were a woman boycotting them in the 1960s.</p><p>Her bare chest before him, Ben’s eyes widened and he sucked in a breath. His eyes scrutinized her for what felt like a long time, and it almost made Rey want to say something until he was finally raising his hands up to her breasts and planted his face in between them, exhaling greatly.</p><p>“These are the most beautiful tits I have <em>ever </em>seen,” he confessed, fingers playing with her nipples, making her question her sanity already, “fuck, I just knew you would be perfect,” he continued, laying sloppy kisses into her skin, “I never want to stop touching these <em>perfect tits</em> and these <em>perfect </em>pink nipples holy fuck.”</p><p>His words spilling out of his filthy mouth and his hands on her made her start instinctually grinding on him, and when she had, he kept up his rant, his face still rubbing against her skin, “I can almost <em>feel </em>how wet you are,” he grunted, “I don’t think I’ve been so fucking hard in my life.”</p><p>And now Rey finally knew that Ben Solo still in fact never shut the fuck up, even in bed.</p><p>She never wanted him to shut his dumb, pretty little trap.</p><p>He <em>did</em> have to, however, when his mouth dipped to outline her nipple with his tongue, which literally made her cry out and caused him to thrust up against her, “You like this, don’t you? You like my mouth and hands all over your tits?” He asked forcefully against her skin.</p><p>She nodded vigorously, “Yes.”</p><p>Ben growled before he sucked it into her mouth completely, and here Rey thought she was going to die before, but she was certain of it now…she was going to just perish right here in this man’s lap as her hand was at the back of his head, encouraging his movements. What a good way to go, with Ben Solo sucking on her titties.</p><p>His mouth moved to the other one to perform the same actions, his hand raising to make sure both breasts had attention as his unoccupied one found purchase on her hip, encouraging her movements of rasping herself over his hardness, his earlier admittance completely accurate.</p><p>Her breath was coming out labored already as he continued to lick and suck at her, and Rey’s nails were digging into his scalp. Then eventually, Rey felt herself being lowered back down on the bed, his mouth never leaving her as his arms braced themselves around her.</p><p>Ben sucked at one of her nipples <em>hard</em>, which made her mewl and thrash her head back and forth on the pillow as her chest arched up at him. His unrelenting mouth fixated on her for a few more seconds before he moved to the other one to do the same arousing ministrations, but not before he pulled away to soothe it with his tongue, and proceeded to rub his face all over her skin.</p><p>His mouth left her other nipple languorously and he grinned slightly, lifting himself up to kiss her mouth quickly before speaking, “I’m <em>so</em> happy right now,” he admitted as he lifted himself completely over her again as she smiled up at him, completely out of breath already, “never thought I would be here with hot neighbor girl like this.”</p><p>Her head needed to clear for several seconds before he even could comprehend his words, “Wait, <em>hot </em>neighbor girl?”</p><p>Ben smiled, “Of course,” he said softly against her neck where he used his tongue to lick down it gingerly, “how could there not be a ‘hot’ in front of it?”</p><p>She had to remember how to speak for a few moments, “But <em>Poe</em>—”</p><p>Rey was interrupted by the slight rumble of his chuckle against her, “I guess he censored himself a little bit so to not <em>completely </em>embarrass me,” he said, mouth travelling down to her collarbones, “though he still did <em>plenty</em> of that.”</p><p>“Mmm—hmm, so we’re…hot neighbor people?” She asked with a questioning expression, eyes never leaving his as he kissed down to her chest again.</p><p>He smirked again after leaving an open mouth kiss on the skin of her upper breast, “Oh no, you’re definitely more than hot neighbor girl,” he stated sitting up once more, “the most stunning gorgeous beautiful neighbor girl.”</p><p>He pulled her legs around himself and he went back to her chest, mouth enclosing around one of her breasts for another few moments. Her hand ran through his hair and pulled at it slightly, which caused him to groan.</p><p>“Mmmm, the most sexy,” he said in between kisses that traveled from her chest and down her stomach, “wonderful—smart—caring—<em>infuriating</em> neighbor girl ever.”</p><p>His eyes were still on hers as his hands began to lightly touch the skin of her stomach, then lowering to her pants, slowly undoing the button and zipper, and he leaned down to kiss her mouth again while his hand made its way down into her panties. His fingers outlined her along her slit before he inserted it slowly, and she bit her lip.</p><p>“So wet,” he said headily, adding another finger and lowered himself to kiss her neck, “so wet and ready for me.”</p><p>This observation of her wetness, of course, was no shock to her. She was in a near constant state of arousal when she was around Ben, and now that they were actually in the middle of this passion, she felt like she had never been more turned on. She couldn’t think now, however, because his thumb was encircling her clit. He continued these motions at an agonizingly slow pace, successfully driving her <em>insane</em>. Ben Solo, still doing his best at his part time job.</p><p>“Ben,” she begged, and then she was whining because his hand left her. He grinned down at her and kissed her lips before he sat up and hooked his fingers into her bottoms. Taking such care in sliding them down her legs, she assisted him by lifting herself up and soon, she was completely naked in front of him, and she had never felt so thrilled about the prospect in her life.</p><p>His eyes scanned her body over and over, and he licked his lips, “And look how beautiful <em>you</em> are Rey…the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes upon,” he stated, kneeling in front of her, then he began to lower himself over her, “I have wanted this for so long,” he kissed her navel, “you are so goddamn gorgeous I am practically in <em>pain </em>I want to fuck you so bad.” Ben admitted, pulling her legs up next to his face and kissed her knee.</p><p>His lips made their way down her thigh and her breath hitched, “For how long?”</p><p>Ben’s eyes slowly made his way to hers, and he tilted his head at her, “Oh, Rey, I’ve wanted to stick my face in between your legs ever since I walked in my front door and saw you holding that takeout,” he slowly inserted a finger inside of her again, and he seemed to love to watch her lose it in front of him, “but when I really got to know you,” he added another finger and she unconsciously ground against his hand, “I got hard practically every time I saw you after you slammed the door in my face,” and now a third finger as he was lackadaisically sliding in and out of her like the true tease that he was, “and it would just remind me of how badly I wanted to touch you, feel you—<em>mm</em>—and fuck you.”</p><p>Now his tongue grazed her inner thigh, “Sometimes I thought you were doing it on purpose walking around the house in just your panties, or doing yoga in front of the window, like you were <em>torturing</em> me.”</p><p>“You’re one to talk in those tiny boxing shorts you wear,” Rey said in such a sated tone, not being able to help herself countering back.</p><p>He chuckled, “I don’t know <em>what </em>you’re talking about.”</p><p>And as his mouth trailed agonizingly slow down her thigh, fingers still driving her insane as he was laying a trail of open mouthed kisses, and soon he was at the juncture of where it met her apex, and then he was hovering over her, hand pulling away from her as she whimpered; his face so close she could feel his breath on her, causing her to shiver with goosebumps raising all over her skin. Rey felt like she was a few seconds away from either shoving his head down or herself up into him before he was experimentally parting her folds with his thumbs, and he breathed her in.</p><p>“You’re so fucking perfect—I can’t <em>wait</em> to be inside of you,” he murmured practically against her, “but first I have to taste you,” and just before she felt like she was going to whine for him, his tongue met in between his thumbs, licking up a languid, tortuous stroke, causing her to writhe, “<em>mmm</em> so beautifully perfect.”</p><p>Then all thought left her as his mouth was on her as he dove into her cunt, his tongue making its way from inside of her to her clit rapidly, which made her practically choke in a breath. Rey had always found this process with a new lover to be fascinating. How exactly would they stalk up to expectations? And goodness knows there had certainly been so many with Ben. She had dreamt and fantasized about this more times than she could even fathom, but it all obviously paled in comparison to his real mouth, his real hands grabbing her thighs and placing them over his shoulders so he could get a better angle. Her hands her in his hair again, and all she could think was <em>Ben Ben Ben</em> as he was totally and completely encompassing her again.</p><p>He briefly lifted his head and inhaled deeply, “I just <em>knew</em> you would taste delicious.”</p><p>Her breathing quickened as his tongue found her again. She should have suspected how good at this he would be considering how much he uses the goddamn thing. It was everywhere in all the right places, worshipping over her again and again.</p><p>Soon she found that he was bringing her just so to that place where she felt herself climbing higher and higher, and then he would bring her back down in an enticingly frustrating tease, dragging her out so much that she was probably not going to want to be held accountable for any of her actions or what came out of her mouth. She was tugging on his hair. She was pressing her thighs against his head, which caused him to chuckle against her—an action that only made it all the more arousing. And now she was reeling in the emotions of it all as his hands were steady roaming up and down her thighs.</p><p>She let out several shallower breaths and a small moan or two as Rey processed the veraciousness of Ben on her cunt, licking and nuzzling into it like he was dying of thirst. Whenever he would venture up to her clit again, tongue swirling around it, Rey felt herself incontestably on the edge in a constant low wave of pleasure as he barely lapped at her, almost mocking her now. She felt her toes curling against his back and like she might actually bite through her lip if she wasn’t careful, “<em>Ben</em>,” she whimpered.</p><p>Rey’s heart was beating so fast, and when one of his hands rode up slowly her body to her breast again, pinching her nipple, she felt that inevitable undoing that finally began to raise her to that peak, that high that she had been chasing ever since the moment she saw Ben. She thought he could tell, too, because then he was using his other hand to add to the ministrations he was making with his tongue, his fingers curling inside of her, “I want you to come all over my face Rey,” Ben muffled against her, “I want you all over me.”</p><p>The fluttering of her orgasm finally began within her, and this was part of the dream where she always woke up. But when she looked down and saw he was still there, lavishing her with everything he could muster, causing her legs to shake and quiver around him, she knew it had to be real. When his mouth met her clit again, he sucked on it unrelentingly, and she finally felt it all rip into her, her climax essentially rendering her motionless as he finished up his actions, still lapping at her as she was coming down; the background world around her blurring in unclear objects and concepts.</p><p>As her cognitive awareness began to materialize around her, she glanced down at him, he kissed her inner thigh again. He sat up and wiped his mouth enticingly as it was <em>her </em>he was covered in. He smiled at her widely.</p><p>Ben dipped down and kissed in between her breasts, and took care to kiss each one before he collapsed on top of her, breathing just as hard as she was. For a couple of minutes, they stayed like that in the stillness, and she ran her fingers through his hair.</p><p>“Wow,” she exhaled, “finally something your mouth is useful for.”</p><p>He chuckled, kissing her sternum, “Useful, huh?”</p><p>Rey smiled as his eyes met hers, “Pretty useful. I might need you to schedule you for regular appointments.”</p><p>“Hm,” he hummed, “that might be the nicest thing you have ever said to me.”</p><p>She laughed, shaking her head, “Don’t get used to it now.”</p><p>He merely sighed contentedly and snaked his arms around her.</p><p>As the two of them lay there Rey knew this wasn’t nearly the end, knowing she needed more, and she was theorizing he did too.</p><p>“Ben,” she whispered.</p><p>He looked up to her, and he sat up as he read her pleading expression; his hands moved now to find purchase around her waist, and it oddly did things to her to feel them envelop her entirely. And as they stared for a few deciduous moments, she found the hunger in his expressive eyes, and it made her want to spend forever deciphering their multifaceted complexity. But before she could, however, she was sitting up with him as if she were being pulled to him by an unknowable force, and soon she was kissing him again, her tongue making its way into his mouth.</p><p>As they kissed, her hand traced down his body and to his pants where she palmed his hardness. He groaned her name and kissed her even harder before he was panting in her ear. She ran her hand up and down his length and his hips leaned into her touch.</p><p>Rey kissed his neck as her fingers deftly worked on the button of his jeans and the zipper. With almost shaking hands as a result of pure anticipation and exhilaration, Rey plunged inside his underwear, and she immediately met with his largeness. Upon contact, Ben had a sharp intake of breath, and his grip on her arm tightened. When she started to move her fingers back and forth over him, Rey thought she heard him whimper.</p><p>Stroking him like this felt so powerful, that she was able to render this mountain into a giant mess of labored breathing and palpable deprivation. Rey looked down and finally released him, almost wanting to give a meaningful clap he was so beautiful. It was everything she could ever want to possibly imagine with every inch of its veined, tumescent glory, of which there were certainly <em>many</em>. With introspection, Rey found herself to be entirely unsurprised that he was so well endowed. Considering his size everywhere else, Rey felt it was entirely fitting for his dick to follow in suit.</p><p>Although, actually seeing it stare at her like that was making her wonder how all of <em>that </em>was going to fit inside of her. They were just going to have to figure it out, and she was more than ready to try, for science.</p><p>She actually sighed at the prospect of it and continued to caress him leisurely and she hummed, “Mmm, so big.”</p><p>“<em>Rey</em>,” he said in a strained voice, and then his breathing hitched as she quickened her pace. She went on like that for a little while, taking special care of the head, running her thumb over it before she made her way to the base. Soon enough he was drawing ragged breaths against her neck, “Rey, could you—in your mouth?”</p><p>His frantic plea turned her on even <em>more</em>, if that was even possible, because this was a different side of him so far when it came to his sexual prowess, Rey not at all in shock that he would be multifaceted as he was everywhere else in his life. She had seen the rough side, his dirty words, falling out of his mouth, and she had seen the side that seemed to be so taken with her, so delighted to be there with her right now as he adorned her with affection.</p><p>And now she was seeing the more desperate side of him, the side of him that <em>yearned </em>for her to take care of <em>him</em>, and thinking about that, she longed to encourage this behavior. Slowly, Rey lowered herself as he kneeled before her, and hooked her fingers to ease his pants and underwear further down his legs, then lifted her hands back up, running them all over <em>his </em>perfect ass. Rey temporarily savored this feeling before she leaned forward, rubbing her cheek against his cock very softly, and she loved to hear another intake of breath the moment she had. Certainly, she was just starting to get acquainted with it, but very much aware that she was going to get to know it <em>very </em>well. She moved to languidly, placing her lips on his head, and felt his whined response directly in her cunt. Barely pressing down at first, Rey just had the grazing of her mouth on his most sensitive skin. She immediately looked up into his eyes and almost felt the <em>strain </em>in them, so she pressed a little harder, drawing the whole head in her mouth, sucking on it more roughly, and she felt his hips cant forward, attempting to push himself more <em>in</em>.</p><p>Not so fast Solo, it’s your turn to be teased.</p><p>She popped him out of her mouth and moved slowly to lick down his length with purposeful strokes with a particular concentration of the underside of it. This gave her quite the opportunity to study it, and it truly was a magnificent dick if she had ever seen one. Upon her examination, she noticed that he even happened to have a beauty mark on the side of it, which she was <em>profoundly</em> delighted to find, so she decided to run her tongue over it again while he continued to breathe heavily over her. What a magnificent dick she had right here in front of her eyes, that she found could <em>only </em>belong to Ben Solo as she felt like it was a total treat to her senses. Ben made another strangled noise, and then he exhaled with a grunt when she sat back again and took him in her mouth completely.</p><p>Again, she began slowly, taking into account his sheer volume in size, careful not to do too much too fast. Her mouth <em>eased </em>over him, it <em>relished </em>over the fortuitous opportunity of making this man that she so deeply cared for struggle not to careen his hips too much forward as she felt his fingertips feather into her hair.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>,” he let out softly, and his gentle admittance only added more fuel to her fire as she reached up and touched the skin next to his cock lightly as her pace began to hasten, fingers tracing down to the place she had a feeling he would appreciate her touching until her hand was cupping him lightly at first, but then when she felt his hand tug on her hair more roughly, so her grasp became a bit more severe, “mm<em>mm</em>, <em>Rey</em>…” he whispered, words almost sounding harshly serene, “<em>Rey Rey Rey</em>.”</p><p>Now she could only hear the noises of her sucking and his breaths coming out like he was struggling to take in a deep one.</p><p>For a while, Rey continued to move her mouth around him. And despite all of these enticing actions for both of them, however, he stopped her eventually his hand on her cheek, which surprised her because she was so completely focused on her task. Looking up at him and truly seeing the earnestness in his eyes, she slowly took him out of her mouth and straightened herself back up to him. His next movements staggered her as he cradled her face with his other hand as well while he pressed his body against her, causing his cock to rub up against her stomach. She whimpered when his hands gradually traveled down her body, over her shoulders, down to her breasts where he lightly caressed them, and then all the way to her hips where he pulled her flush with him, almost like it was a practice thrust against her body before his lovely hands engulfed her ass. He leaned forward and licked the shell of her ear and whispered into it, “Rey, <em>please</em> I need to—be inside you.”</p><p>Rey obviously was aware their feverishly wanton actions were going to lead to this, but for some reason, hearing the distressed way the words came out of his mouth, like he needed her, like he was going to fall apart without her here with him, like the pure unadulterated <em>hunger </em>wouldn’t seize until he collided with her, skin to skin in the most harmonious way possible caused an encompassing wave of emotions that made her feel <em>more</em> for him, if that was possible. More adoration, more want, more <em>wet</em> because it was <em>him</em>; it was <em>Ben </em>sounding so ready for <em>her</em>, and it was a feeling she had never experienced before.</p><p>His face was in her neck now, leaving slow, open mouthed kisses when she waited for him to look at her again because he had nearly stunned her from moving for several seconds just from his desire. And when she was met again with his beautiful brown eyes, she smiled, hoping her expression was portraying the same emotions as his, and took his face in her hands to kiss him eagerly, her tongue sliding into his mouth as his hands pressed into her lower back once more as his dick was still wedged between them. She gave him an experimental tilt of her body against it and whispered in his ear, “I’ve been ready for you for a long time.”</p><p>He pulled away, smirking, almost panting, only to lean forward and press kisses all over her face, cradling her head with one of his hands now, “Yes, <em>please </em>Rey, I have wanted you, wanted <em>this </em>for so long you mean so much to me, and I just—” he pulled her hips against him once more with his other hand, “I just can’t <em>believe </em>I get to do this with <em>you</em>, <em>Rey</em>.”</p><p>Her sentiments exactly, took the words right out of her mouth.</p><p>She needed him too, she did, she needed him in her life, in her kitchen, in her bed, in her <em>very being </em>when he entered her, and she needed it <em>now</em>, so she kissed him again, kissed him as if her life depended on it as he lowered her back down on to the bed, their mouths calling upon each other as he braced himself over her, “I want you so bad; I’ve never wanted someone so badly in my life,” he rushed against her mouth.</p><p>She breathed out, fingers scratching at his scalp, “I want you too, I want you so much Ben.”</p><p>It was true, and Rey not even being able to recall a time where she had so freely admitted it to someone like this, and it made her feel like she didn’t entirely understand what was happening to her.</p><p>He breathed out harshly with a quiet, strangled noise, lifting himself off of her, and she suddenly felt herself almost having to laugh at how rapidly Ben fully removed his pants; he very nearly fell off the bed, but then he was on top of her again, and her legs spread for him as his length grazed her entrance, and there was certainly nothing amusing about it. He rubbed himself lightly against her, and she exhaled along with him with her hands on his face because even that little bit of contact felt <em>amazing</em>. She looked into Ben’s eyes, and he seemed to be thinking the same thing.</p><p>As they exchanged this look of understanding between them, Ben leaned down to kiss her again. He seemed to kiss her with everything he could muster with a hand raising to caress her face with his knuckles before his fingers moved to her hair. She returned it entirely, knowing what the next several seconds would bring for the both of them.</p><p>Then he was pulling away, and it felt like he was finally going to dive inside of her before he stopped.</p><p>“Fuck, I don’t have a condom. Do you have one?”</p><p>She thought of the few packets that were in her nightstand drawer and how they were most certainly not the right size, “None that would fit you, honey.”</p><p>He was about to push himself off of her muttering about how he could run to his place to get one, but she stopped him, “Are you clean?”</p><p>Ben stared at her and looked confused for a moment and nodded, “Yes, I just got tested, but Rey—”</p><p>“Good, me too.” She said, rubbing his upper arms. After her tryst with Jensen, the <em>asshole</em>, she most certainly got tested at her yearly pelvic exam. All good.</p><p>“Okay, great, but aren’t you worried about—”</p><p>“I’ve got an IUD.”</p><p>Rey was honestly never really sure if she ever wanted children, so she got one a few years ago when she decided she was too lazy for the pill.</p><p>Ben gave a slow smile, “So that means—”</p><p>“It means you had better get yourself inside of me in the next few seconds, Solo.” She quipped at him.</p><p>He kissed her lips with much care and rose above her again, “You’re so incredible.”</p><p>Her response was to wrap her legs around his hips, and she was practically trembling by the time he used his hand to align himself with her. He looked into her eyes and raised a hand to graze her cheekbone with his thumb, touching their foreheads together briefly before he pulled away to look into her eyes. His face seemed to be that of inquisition and almost denial, and then recognition of this moment, how momentous it was for both of them, so she found herself nodding as if to give permission and acknowledgment that it was just as astounding to her that this was actually occurring. Once she had, he leaned down to kiss her, nodding back to her before he finally, finally started to slide himself into her, and they both made similar sighing noises that probably also be considered a small moan at the motion. His eyes closed for a moment, but as he continued to slowly push himself in, his gaze never left hers as, and she did her part to lift herself and accommodate him, and as he kept forward, she felt like she was careening off of a cliff, her soul being torn in about fifty different directions. There was no way this was happening. It took her a few seconds to wrap her head around the fact that Ben Solo had just put himself inside of her, and stars this was almost too much.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Ben cursed when he had at last slid himself all the way to the hilt above her. He propped himself up on his elbows, but she really didn’t mind being crushed by him, “<em>Rey</em>, you feel <em>so</em>—” he breathed just above her mouth, seeming like he was at a loss for words for what was possibly the first time in his life, or at least since she had met him, and it made her face grow hot because it was of her. Her response to his lack of a description was to tighten her legs that were straining for him to keep going, and his breath hitched. Ben exhaled against her mouth, and then he kissed her one more time before he actually started to move, motioning his hips on top of her, and she threaded her fingers in his hair, and immediately began to match his purposeful movements.</p><p>He didn’t move quickly at first, which was completely alright with her because it seemed like they were both <em>relishing </em>in the feeling of their bodies <em>finally </em>coming together. Ben was breathing, he was shuddering, he was making so many stunning noises above her that she swore would give her an orgasm alone. It was all <em>yes Ben yes please yes </em>in her head when he would push forward again, almost pausing for a second until he pulled back again, and then he was in her ear again, quivering before he whispered, “Good doesn’t even <em>begin</em> to describe how you feel—it’s everything it’s everything Rey you’re <em>everything</em>.”</p><p>Everything.</p><p>
  <em>Rey you’re everything.</em>
</p><p>She had never heard that term used about her before, and she supposed that she never would again from anyone else. She had always been a broken piece that never quite fit into other people’s lives. And here was Ben, another broken piece that hadn’t fit anywhere either, but he could with her. He could with her any time, and she felt tears prickling her eyes, and she had to wrap her arms around his shoulders because she felt like she was losing all grips on her reality.</p><p>His face was in her neck then as she tightly held onto him, “<em>Oh</em>, you’re so perfect for me Rey,” he said, coming forward again with his hips, “so everything, so perfect, your perfect tight cunt surrounding my dick, <em>mmmf</em>.”</p><p>Rey had honestly never been one to be so throne during sex. Men could speak dirty things to her, and it would be fine, sometimes it would even be hot as she would play along with the licentious act. This was different, though. It was the first time she had ever felt like she was hanging off of a man’s every word as they cascaded into her ears. She wanted to hear every single thought that was passing through his head, and it made her feel like she was still falling off that cliff, “Ben, <em>oh</em>…<em>please tell me more</em>.”</p><p>His hips started to move faster, and he grunted into her neck, “I’ve needed you, I’ve needed <em>this</em>, oh how I’ve needed this so <em>much</em> Rey,” his hand brushed her cheek, “please don’t,” his hips found hers again, “please don’t go anywhere I <em>need</em> you, <em>Rey</em>.”</p><p>Every time he said her name she felt a tiny spasm in her legs as he continued to pound into her.</p><p>What was this? What was she feeling? She had always thought those people that would give into the expletives of sex were cheesy, ridiculous even, but now she wanted it <em>all</em> as he ground his hips over and over, “Ben, Ben <em>please</em>.”</p><p><em>Keep going keep going keep going</em> with everything, everything.</p><p>She wanted him to melt right into her, and it still wouldn’t be enough. She needed Ben Solo in her skin, in every fiber of her being because this was everything she’s ever needed.</p><p>He was hers, he got to be <em>hers</em> as her hands ventured down his back, “Keep going Ben <em>please</em>.”</p><p>“As if I could go anywhere else,” he responded with his labored breath in her ear as his hips pushed forward again, “I’d <em>never</em> go anywhere else—I just never thought I’d get to fuck you fuck you, <em>fuck </em>you, Rey, <em>Rey Rey</em>…”</p><p>Ben picked up this pattern that was starting to drive her insane. He would be thrusting into her, faster and faster, almost <em>unrelenting </em>before he would slow down and breath over her, very much emphasizing where his cock was inside of her, taking special care of it before he would be at it again, hands rushing all over her.</p><p>Rey didn’t know if it was because she knew she had felt so strongly for him, which was a feat that no other man had really come <em>close</em> to, or he just really knew how to thrust up into her because every time he brought his hips back and forth she felt like she knew what heaven would be like for her. This man in particular, that kept whispering in her ear about how perfect she felt and how beautiful she was. She was still meeting him at her own pace, yet another way they could be in sync with one another. He leaned down and kissed her chest again, using his tongue in the most tantalizing of ways over her breasts.</p><p>Her utter and encompassing denial over this situation plagued her because now she couldn’t believe she had felt so strongly about it. She had resigned to just being this man’s friend, nothing more than neighbors that seemed so close and yet so far from one another for <em>so</em> long. Now she understood and felt his affection for her as their bodies collided. It was the way he still managed to run his fingers through her hair and also be able to tell her the most wonderfully dirty things as he would change his pace on top of her, just like she always imagined him doing when she would touch herself at night.</p><p>One of his hands found hers above her head, and he intertwined their fingers while her free one ran her fingernails down his back, which caused him to groan and pick up his thrusts yet again. His other hand ventured under her lower back to pick her up, holding her even closer to him as he ground into her. Their eyes met and she felt like she was in complete awe of how he felt. Like all the other men before him were leading her up to this moment. It felt downright <em>transcendent</em> to have him thrust in and out of her. Was it always supposed to feel this amazing, and she had never known it? Their eyes met again and it was almost like she <em>knew </em>that he was thinking the same.</p><p>Rey felt entirely lost in the moment again as her complete and utter mutual participation in this act overtook her as her hands moved to continue scaling him, desperately reaching for him everywhere and anywhere. Ben was enveloping her entirely, and she was welcoming it into her soul as she pushed on his shoulder to flip them over, not even completely aware of her actions. She felt like was a real accomplishment considering his sheer girth, and when she had, as soon as she had thrust her hips over him with a brazen determination, Ben threw his head back, and his eyes rolled into the back of his head, “<em>Ooh</em>!” He exclaimed, “oh fuck, <em>Rey</em>.”</p><p>She started to move herself on top of him even more vehemently, and he cupped her ass as she sat up, her pulse at an all time high. Her head felt like she was floating as she moved, “Ben—this feels—<em>oh</em>,” she whispered, unable to even know how to finish the statement as her hands moved to support herself on his chest. And when she looked down at him, she felt herself swoon from this dopey smile on his face as his eyes shut again, and he took one of her hands to kiss it before holding it close to himself.</p><p>“You feel—mmm—<em>so</em> amazing,” he admitted in between labored breaths, “so, so <em>perfect</em>…my beautiful Rey.”</p><p>His words went straight from her heart down to the part of her that was impaling herself with him, which caused her to ride him at an even more merciless pace. This was everything she needed it to be as she leaned forward with her arms on either side of his head. As her hips canted from side to side and forward once more, Ben writhed again with a moan and a staggard breath, “Holy <em>fuck</em>—” was all he seemed to manage to get out, and Rey felt herself swell with pride over her ministrations to this man, but then he was pulling her down by her head in order to kiss her mouth <em>hard</em>, and within this torrid kiss, it translated all emotions he was feeling, the pleasure, the appreciation, the utter blissed out epiphany that Rey could only fathom was going on in his mind.</p><p>He grunted into her mouth before he moved to kiss down her neck, her collarbones, and then to her chest, his mouth latching onto one of her nipples with the swirl of his tongue and then the graze of his teeth, causing her to cry out. When his hand raised to caress her other breast, Rey felt the foreseeable pool of warmth in her belly once more, and she knew she was close again.</p><p>“Will you come for me again Rey? Come all around me, <em>please</em>—I want to feel you—” Ben let out frantically against her chest, “please please <em>please Rey</em>.”</p><p>She started to breathe heavily and her movements became more erratic at his desperate words, and he seemed to understand what was happening because his arms enveloped her as she felt another climax tear into her while his thrusts up into her felt harder and more resolute. He drew out her orgasm with his motions, and she swore she would get another one soon if he continued like that.</p><p>As her climax burned through her senses, she looked down at him again, and he was smiling, biting his lip, which was so goddamn enticing that she couldn’t help but kiss him again, moving her hips in that way he seemed to really like before. He moaned against her lips.</p><p>“I’m going to come.” He whispered in her ear, and this admittance made her heartbeat against her chest. Her response was to sit back up and expertly move her hips on top of him again as she twisted down again and again.</p><p>“Fuck—<em>Rey</em>.” He clamored as he grabbed her hips like a vice grip, his own orgasm claiming him as he slowly met her thrusts.</p><p>She breathed for a few moments, in unbelief that the task was completed, collapsing on top of him much like he had earlier, and he cradled her head against his chest, kissing the top of her head.</p><p>“<em>Wow</em>.” He said in a bewildered, almost questioning tone after a few minutes once both their breathing had slowed down.</p><p>She looked up at him, smiling like an idiot, she was sure, while resting her chin on top of his chest. His hands ran up and down her back and then to her ass again.</p><p>“Wow.” She responded quietly.</p><p>He picked his head up and kissed her mouth before throwing it back against the bed again, “That was—<em>that </em>was…I can’t even put it into words, but I know it was so worth the wait.”</p><p>His words and his confounded tenor caused tears to prickle in her eyes, but he didn’t see them as he continued, “<em>You </em>were worth the wait.”</p><p>His arms wound themselves tightly around her and she sighed as one of her hands feathered into his hair again.</p><p>She leaned her head to the side and kissed his chin, “So were you.”</p><p>Rolling them to their sides, Ben was giving her the softest eyes she had ever seen. He touched her cheek and wiped one of her tears away, “Do you understand now?”</p><p>“Understand what?” She asked, genuinely not knowing where he was pulling this question from.</p><p>“You’re not alone.” He said with so much sincerity in his tone.</p><p>She took in a breath and gave him a watery smile, knowing immediately what her next words would be, “Neither are you.”</p><p>He smiled back at her widely, and then he was kissing her so tenderly and she wanted to sob, but this time they were the happiest tears that she could muster. After he pulled away, he ran his thumb across her lip.</p><p>“I’m sorry it took so long for us to get here.”</p><p>She kissed his thumb, “Don’t be. It’s a two way street after all.”</p><p>Another adorable grin came onto his lips, so she kissed him again, “Crossing that street <em>was </em>rather difficult.” He said jokingly.</p><p>Her smile caused her nose to crinkle, “Tell me about it. No one understood that!”</p><p>They laughed together and he nudged their noses, and she had never felt more disgustingly close with someone in her life. If it were anyone else, she <em>knew</em> she would have scoffed at them. But Ben was bringing this out in her, and now she was finally welcoming him at the door to slowly let him in. Maybe to sit in the parlor with her. It was a start.</p><p>His arms were tight around her again, and she felt so safe, maybe even, like she truly belonged to something for the first time. This afterglow was so different, so much more surreal as his breath hit her ear. She thought that she might even be ready to tell him that one day as she realized that every part of this man fit her perfectly as her head fit snug under his chin. It was like his arms were made to wrap around her, and his body was supposed to be for her. How could she be feeling this way after having sex with him once? This was completely new territory for her.</p><p>Rey knew she liked sex in her time of recovery from the abuse she endured as a child. It was a bit difficult for her at first to open herself to someone in that way, but once she convinced herself that she was a woman who was allowed to enjoy her sexuality, she finally began to embrace it. She had some great lovers, and she had some that clearly had no idea what they were doing. Then there were the middle of the road ones like Jensen.</p><p>But then there was Ben Solo.</p><p>This felt like a whole new kind of intimacy as one of his hands reached for her and their fingers laced, eyes meeting with unabashed joy. It almost seemed unfair that her body had never felt this sort of closeness before, and that it took this ridiculous mountain of a man to show her how it really could be.</p><p>It was all too much and not enough. She needed him; Rey <em>needed </em>him, and that thought alone terrified her to her core, but how could she be when she just shared all of that with him? How was she supposed to know how to keep living her life like she had when she knew this sort of intimacy existed? But then, how was she supposed to know what do to with it? Rey felt too jaded and broken to be able to do this all of a sudden, and especially with someone as wonderful as Ben. He deserved someone so much better than her. Someone who could <em>do </em>this, someone who—</p><p>Tears started to form in her eyes again.</p><p>And just when she thought she was careening off that cliff again, breaths coming in heavy and hot, scared and totally unprepared for what all of this meant for her, for <em>them</em>, he leaned forward and kissed her so tenderly, so intimately, so incredibly.</p><p>Rey felt herself exhale into it with a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding as his fingers ghosted down her spine.</p><p>“I feel it too,” Ben said simply.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Me: *posts the fuckening*</p><p>*soon, screaming can be heard in the distance 😱😱, fireworks are set off 🎆🎉✨, many champagne corks popped 🍾🍾, a long communal exhale 💨💨, the distict sound of partying in the streets 💃🤸🥂🎶🎊🧨, nothing hurts for once 🤤🤤*</p><p>Me: Oh yes, good.</p><p>Well, there you have it you guys. They. FUCKED.</p><p>Katie has resurrected from the WBW and brought this very special installment of ktbo to you...that 20 page paper somehow did not kill her completely. It was the need to share these two naked horny imbeciles that kept her going, amen.</p><p>Can you believeeeeeeeeee???!?!??!?! I hope more than anything it was worth the wait, seriously you guys. And now it's pretty much pound town from now on because these idiots finally realized they can be naked around each other. Can you BLAME them??!!! </p><p>I feel like the biggest take away really is that we all discovered that Ben has a Dick Mole™, which is like, so important and need to know. And are any of us surprised?!??! Oh, and that OFC Rey had been HOT neighbor girl all along. I mean, DUH.</p><p>So once again, I have to thank you guys for making this all possible. Without you, it would just be me, Rey, and Ben, all being depressed and by ourselves. You have no idea how much this story has meant me, how much it means to share it. And now we finally get to see what it's like for these two to bump uglies and still continue to be idiots! And really, would you have it any other way? Also, I hope you guys enjoyed that Ben POV, whether you read it before or after the fuckening. Please send me any requests if you want to see more of that! I will always link them here too so you wont miss a thaaaaang!</p><p>Until next week my lovlies!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dark side, I search for your dark side<br/>But what if I’m alright, right, right, right here?<br/>And I cut off my nose just to spite my face<br/>Then I hate my reflection for years and years</p><p>I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost<br/>The room is on fire, invisible smoke<br/>And all of my heroes die all alone<br/>Help me hold onto you</p><p>“<a href="https://youtu.be/8KpKc3C9V3w">The Archer</a>” –Taylor Swift</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They both laid there in silence for a spell of time, and Rey was pretty sure that Ben had even fallen asleep. Either way, she didn’t mind the silence. Her fingers grazed over the skin of his chest as he lay on his back, and she played what had just happened between them over and over in her head, still reeling from it all. It made her feel so overwhelmed with emotion that she didn’t know if she should cry out of pure joy or smile her head off. Her head tilted toward Ben’s, and she looked at him, and how was she expected to even accept that fact that he was here, sans of all clothing in her bed after they had finally expressed their feelings for one another and fucked each other to heaven after all this time. How was she supposed to even <em>fathom </em>that?</p><p>It was like he was almost too precious an entity to disturb with his eyes closed, his face so close to hers. She felt like this was all just an illusion, a sick joke in her mind that was playing tricks on her. She didn’t deserve this, this man lying intertwined with her with his hand rested ever so effortlessly on her hip. What had she done for this to be her reality?</p><p>Just like she had known him so well outwardly as a companion, and just like how she longed to know him when he was just B, she now wanted to move onto this next faze with him. She wanted to know every square inch of his body; she wanted to know how the skin at the juncture of his shoulder felt against her lips, how the sensitive spot behind his ear would be only hers to lavish, how the mole on his dick would meet her eyes every time she took him in her mouth, and how the muscles of his back contracted under her fingers as he riveted over her completely.</p><p>And right now, she wanted to know how it felt to gently trace his jawline as her fingers ghosted over the sharp and magnificent features. He stirred immediately, having must not drifted off completely. A small humming noise escaped him, and then he was opening his eyes to her, beaming at her fully. She pushed herself up to lay a kiss on his jaw before she pulled away to return his wonderful grin.</p><p>He raised his hand to her face, fingers sliding over her cheeks unhurriedly. Reaching his head down to kiss her gently, his thumb traced her cheekbone, and when their eyes met again, he sighed, “I can’t believe this is real,” Ben whispered.</p><p>Rey had a short intake of breath, “Me neither.”</p><p>His fingers grazed her lips, “I just never thought this would happen…that I would be here like this with you. Never. I just have wanted this so long, to have you in my arms, to feel you,” he confessed softly as his other hand that was on her hip slowly slid down to her ass, lightly caressing it, “to touch you, to kiss you, to—to be inside of you. I had given up all hope, and it devastated me so much Rey. You don’t know how badly I <em>ached </em>for you all of this time, every day coming home wanting to be with you.”</p><p>It felt like drowning, hearing this from Ben. It felt like walls closing in around her because she didn’t know he had been suffering for so long right beside her. And how could she have known? When the feeling was completely mutual, insecurities and all included.</p><p>Her hand reached up and traced over his ear, then to his hair before she kissed him with all of the doubts she felt herself, all of the emotions she had suppressed for so long against his mouth, and she hoped he <em>felt </em>it.</p><p>“I do know Ben.” She whispered against his lips.</p><p>His mouth returned to hers, an unmistakable lazy smile on his lips as he wrapped his arms tight around her, “My beautiful girl; my beautiful mess,” he said in the most adoring manner, and it was that phrase, those particular words that he knew that she was a mess, and he was accepting of it that made her feel like she couldn’t breathe, his lips skimming her mouth slightly, “I never want to leave this bed,” he kissed her, “I never want to put my clothes on again,” he whispered, kissing her again, “<em>Rey</em> <em>Rey</em> <em>Rey</em>,” he pulled her completely on top of him, “I’ll never be able to get enough of you <em>Rey</em>,” he breathed into her neck before he was laying open mouthed, languid kisses onto her skin with his tongue as his arms wrapped around her, hands running down her back with the gentlest touch.</p><p>She sighed into his mouth after immediately pulling him into a kiss. When they pulled away, she swooned into his soft eyes. He was so much better with words than she was. Rey didn’t even know how to express how she felt let alone put it into words, “Ben, I—” her sentence dropped dead in her throat. Exhaling, she looked away from him, ashamed she couldn’t speak so freely.</p><p>One of Ben’s hands was under her chin, lifting her head so she could meet his gaze. When she did, they were warm and full of depth, and he smiled at her before he pressed his lips to hers, moving to cradle her head. The kiss was long and slow, and there were a few more he gave her once it was over. Then he proceeded to kiss her all over her face. It all made her feel like those big foots were back wreaking havoc in her stomach again. When they pulled away, she was smiling with him now, which caused her to want to grab his face all over again and kiss him earnestly.</p><p>She nestled under his chin again when she pulled away.</p><p>“For the record, I don’t want to put my clothes on ever again either.” Rey at least managed to say.</p><p>He chuckled, combing his fingers through her hair, “Well, good. That <em>is </em>going to make things awkward when we have to go to work again.”</p><p>Rey pouted and raised her hands to his neck, “I don’t want to go to work! There’s no naked Ben Solo there.”</p><p>Now the image of Ben fucking her on her work desk ran rampant in her mind. And <em>why </em>the hell had she never fantasized about <em>that </em>one before? Rey suddenly wondered how much her fantasies would be stifled because she had the real thing, not that she was complaining. Was she still going to be having sexy window fucking dreams? Did it <em>matter</em>? She imagined if she <em>did</em>, she could still just…fuck the real Ben.</p><p>Bloody hell, she got fuck the real Ben.</p><p>She got to <em>fuck </em>Ben.</p><p>“Mmm,” Ben started, grasping at her behind with one of his hands, “well there’s a naked Ben Solo here.”</p><p>Her arms around his neck tightened, suddenly feeling very possessive of him even though it was literally just the two of them in this room, “You’re so right. Thus why we’re staying <em>here</em>.” Rey said in a joking manner, but she was definitely wasn’t joking.</p><p>“Oh wow,” Ben laughed, “I am <em>definitely</em> going to fight you on that.”</p><p>Rey laughed too, “You fight me on everything.”</p><p>“So you think I’m going to fight you on this?!” He asked incredulously.</p><p>“I don’t know Benjamin, <em>are </em>you?” Rey questioned, lifting her head to look up at him.</p><p>He stared at her, narrowing his eyes, “Oh for <em>sure</em>.”</p><p>Sitting up more, she narrowed her eyes right back at him and huffed, “Well maybe I will too!”</p><p>“Well good.”</p><p>“Great!”</p><p>Then before Rey had much time to process it, their faces were mashed together, their tongues meeting. Rey grabbed his hair and yanked on it while his hand squeezed her buttocks. She pulled away from his mouth, “You’re stupid.”</p><p>He scoffed at her, “<em>You’re </em>stupid.”</p><p>This was probably their most immature ‘fight’ yet as their mouths met again, but then Rey found herself giggling against him, and she soon found he was too. Then he was kissing her a couple of times on the mouth before he started to kiss her neck.</p><p>He really was the stupidest. The stupidest moron she had ever met in her life, and he better not stop what he was doing.</p><p>“You’re also sexy,” He said into the skin of her neck, which caused her heart to flutter, “<em>so</em> fucking sexy,” and he grunted, “and I get to fucking <em>say</em> that to you and not just think it over and over in my head.”</p><p>She was giggling now, but then his tongue was on her pulse and she couldn’t think anymore. Except now she realized that her bladder was also informing her of an unfortunate urgent matter.</p><p>Ben’s lips were still attached to her neck, and it truly wasn’t fair, “Ben,” she whispered.</p><p>“Hm?” He hummed, barely even stopping his actions at all.</p><p>“I have to pee.”</p><p>He still kept kissing and nibbling at her, so she spoke up again, “Ben! I have to go!”</p><p>“Mmm, <em>no</em>, you can’t go pee because that means you’ll be in the bathroom and I’ll be in here.” He complained.</p><p>Rey’s heart skipped a beat, and she sat up more to look at his face, which made her laugh because he was pouting, jutting his damned bottom lip at her.</p><p>“I’ll be right back!”</p><p>His frown, somehow managed to deepen, and it was unfairly adorable, “You promise?”</p><p>She smiled, nodding vigorously before she kissed him, “I promise.”</p><p>Ben gave a short sigh, “<em>Fiiine</em>.”</p><p>Nodding at her, she crinkled her nose at him before she was rolling off to stand up and make her way to the bathroom, but before she could, he caught her wrist.</p><p>“Ben! I told you I’d be right back!” She exclaimed, but when she turned her head to look at him, he wasn’t at all focused on her face…more his eyes were firmly planted on her backside.</p><p>After a few seconds, she cleared her throat, and his gaze met hers, “Can I help you with something Benjamin?”</p><p>“Just…let me look at it for a second. Please…I’ve waited <em>forever</em> to.” Ben begged, blinking up at her several times.</p><p>Rey snorted, feeling like his puppy eyes really weren’t fair, and she was going to have to start building a defense against them, “<em>Fiiine</em>.”</p><p>He smiled widely like a child being told he could stay up five more minutes, and his next quick actions were sitting up and immediately leaning over to plant his face on one of her cheeks, rubbing at it with his own, “<em>Hmm</em>,” he hummed with sincere sounding joy as his arms raised to wrap around her hips, “mmm, the <em>best</em> ass.”</p><p>She would be annoyed if it were even possible in this stupidly endearing moment, “<em>Excuse </em>me,” she said over her shoulder, “I just agreed to <em>looking</em>, not touching.”</p><p>“Mm,” he said as he started to lay kisses on her lower back, “it was in the fine print of the terms and conditions of our agreement.”</p><p>“Oh!” She tried to sound harsh, but found that she couldn’t, “<em>you</em>! Come on Ben, I have to goooo. You can look at it again in like one minute.”</p><p>“You’re making it sound like that’s not an <em>eternity</em>.” He complained, now pressing his lips to her cheek as one of his hands reached to graze her entrance, fingertips briefly dipping into her wetness. <em>Fuck</em>, this man.</p><p>She was giggling again, but this time with headiness coating her merriment, unable to stop herself, “Ben!”</p><p>Sighing, he pressed a kiss to her behind one more time before pulling away, “I expect your ass to teleport to my face in exactly one minute Kenobi.”</p><p>She turned and briefly dipped down to grab his chin and kissed his lips, “Of course, your highness.”</p><p>Then she was trying to not look at his still pouty face as she was turning to saunter away to the bathroom very purposefully, making sure to emphasize the sway of her hips as she walked, just so he would most certainly get a view.</p><p>She genuinely tried to pee as fast as she considering she just had sex…with <em>Ben</em>. Somehow she was still wrapping her mind around that. Then she barely had time to look at herself in the mirror for a second, acknowledging how crazy her hair looked…from <em>sex</em>…with <em>Ben</em>, and quickly washed her hands and ran her fingers through her hair for a few moments. She nodded at herself, briefly thinking <em>good for you Rey </em>before she was out the door again where Ben was laying across the bed looking like he was about to ask her to draw him like one of her French girls, appearing to be half erect already. It was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen.</p><p>When she reached the bed, he was drinking her in too, eyes scanning all over her body, “You’re <em>late</em>,” he said punitively, and before she could respond, he was yanking her down to on top of him, spanking her and she yelped, but then was immediately silenced with his mouth on her fervently for a few seconds, “what a <em>very</em> bad girl you are.”</p><p>He was going from all pouty adorable to sexy commanding in apparently a little over a minute, and it was giving her whiplash, “Oh <em>no</em>, did I keep your highness waiting long?” She asked in the most innocent voice she could muster.</p><p>“Mm, <em>yes </em>you did woman,” he clamored, “and now you need to make it up to me.”</p><p>Then his lips were on hers again before he spanked her one more time, and he was turning them on their sides; she tried to stay focused on her task instead of how aroused she already was.</p><p>One of his was still firmly planted on the cheek he had slapped, which pretty much engulfed the whole thing. And as they kept kissing madly, tongues already in each other’s mouths, a finger moved to meet her core again and she gasped, raising her leg over his hip to accommodate him, and he whispered, “I don’t know how I am <em>ever</em> going to get any work done anymore knowing you’re so close,” he said as his finger left her briefly to outline her entrance, “and what it’s like to be,” he paused momentarily and hummed before sticking the finger back where it was along with another one, “inside of you.”</p><p>Rey rushed on his mouth as he continued to pump his fingers languidly in and out of her with a brief touch to her clit, and her response to these actions was to grasp his now fully hard cock, hand giving a soft stroke or two, which elicited Ben’s fingers to temporarily pause their work. Their gazes met now, mouths open with matching spurting breaths, and there still seemed to be that hint of unbelief in Ben’s eyes as they both continued their ministrations on each other.</p><p>Rey felt like her breath was caught in her throat as Ben gasped at her while her hand moved over him. A million thoughts were going through her head as they were getting each other off, but they were all interrupted by a particularly hard brush on her clit by Ben’s thumb, so after her breathy moan, she moved hers over his head followed by a more rapid pace. Ben shuddered.</p><p>“Rey you’re—y-you’re the most—”</p><p>He gasped again as she lightly squeezed him, but she found she really wanted to know the end of that sentence, “I’m the most what Ben?”</p><p>Ben blinked a few times as his fingers careened alluringly inside of her, and there was a determined furrow of his brow as his fingers then curled, and Rey bit her lip as she moaned again.</p><p>“You’re just—the most…every—everything.” Ben sputtered, sounding a bit winded.</p><p>There was that word again. Everything.</p><p>His eyes met hers, and his eyes appeared to be resolute. Rey sighed, and it wasn’t just from his expertise fingers; she found herself pushing forward, forward again until her mouth found his. As their kiss deepened, Rey found both hands around his face, and eventually, Ben’s arms wound around her. And why was it that this seemed to much more intimate than her hand on his hardness and his inside her?</p><p>He held her close, pulling her against him as his tongue buried itself in her mouth, and his hand lowered down her body to cup her breast gently. She hummed into his mouth before he pinched her, and then his beautiful mouth was on her neck, lips grazing over it before biting down.</p><p>Rey was barely able to have a huff escape her mouth, and then he was turning them over, his massive body securely topping hers as their mouths met again while he grabbed both her arms and intertwined their fingers above her head. His length was pushing up against her, and it was making her feel breathless, thoughtless, as all she could find was that Ben was all over her. All over her body, her head, and her soul.</p><p>Ben was lowering himself, his mouth leaving certain spots visited with his teeth again in a frantic pursuit. His hands left hers to gradually meet with her chest, proceeding to palm her while he left a bite on the skin of one of her breasts.</p><p>“<em>Ben</em>,” she let out gutturally, desperately.</p><p>His tongue was now laying across where his teeth had been, and then they were on her nipple, latching onto her and sucking until she cried out. Then he was staring at her so intensely, it made her breath hitch.</p><p>“Oh Rey, I am going to destroy that perfect pussy of yours.”</p><p>He had said it so tenderly, so softly, yet the actual words were causing her to become more provoked, astoundingly.</p><p>Ben moved to kneel over her now as she wrapped her legs around his hips. He looked down at her with steely eyes, and spoke to her in a voice that she thought would make her come from hearing it alone, “Are you ready to take my cock again?”</p><p>She bit her lip and nodded enthusiastically. Fuck yes she was; she was ready for that more than anything in her life, “Give it to me.”</p><p>He grabbed her hips roughly and slammed into her, making Rey feel like she was going to black out as he worked over her, lifting her legs up higher and higher as he did. Holy shit, she truly <em>was</em> going to pass out. She looked up at him at one point, his eyes closed as he bit his own lip, seemingly lost in the moment. Ben let out a groan after a particularly hard thrust and his eyes opened, gazing down at her. He grabbed one of her breasts that was moving rhythmically with their motions and pinched her, eliciting a squeal from her.</p><p>“Fuck, <em>Rey,</em>” he swore, somehow picking up the pace even more, “how have I gone this long without you touching me, around my cock, and under my <em>skin</em>, you <em>devastate </em>me, <em>Rey</em>.”</p><p>And there was <em>that</em> word again escaping from his lips, <em>devastate</em>. Only this time, it was in an entirely new context. It made Rey’s heart twitch with affection that she was no longer tearing him asunder, but now to an overwhelming sense of never being the same after what they were sharing together.</p><p>Ben grunted and then paused his actions above her, and Rey was going to question why he would <em>ever </em>stop the glorious things he was doing to her, but then he was grabbing her legs and threw them over his shoulders, kissed one of her ankles, and then was rutting his hips into her mercilessly again.</p><p>“Oh <em>fuck me</em>.” Rey said unthinkingly, which was ironic because that’s what he was literally doing, giving her that great dick, and her words caused him to actually smile and shake his head before he was throwing his head back and exasperating himself.</p><p>“Mmm Rey your pussy is <em>unbelievable</em>,” he bellowed as he gave another unyielding thrust, reaching down to fiddle with her clit, causing her back to arch off the bed, “<em>yes</em>, get all worked up for me… because I’ve literally fantasized about how flexible you’d be because of all the <em>infuriating </em>yoga you do <em>fuck </em>Rey.”</p><p>He kept at his unrelenting tirade with her clit, and with his still perfect thrusts, it almost felt like too <em>much</em>. It was too much pleasure being thrown into her, like she was being <em>stifled </em>by Ben, and she let out a frantic moan.</p><p>Normally, Rey felt like she was usually aware of when her climax would hit her. There was always that telltale sign that started to tingle into her senses, making her aware of the impending pleasure she was about to feel. This one, however, much like Ben all that time ago gave her <em>no </em>warning as it ripped into her, and it was an overwhelming one that triggered her to have tears in her eyes and she didn’t even think this was possible. How was this man even conceivable?</p><p>“Oh my god <em>Ben</em>.” She let out, with a groan she felt in her throat.</p><p>She felt Ben’s body shudder, “Fuck that was the hottest thing I’ve ever <em>seen </em>Rey how are you even <em>real</em>?”</p><p>Rey realized that she and Ben must share one fucking brain cell, the poor thing.</p><p>What was this man even doing to her? Besides clearly giving her the best dick of her life?</p><p>She never wanted this to end. This was going to be a <em>problem </em>between the two of them, and Rey was going to have to check herself in for dick addiction. Specifically, the one attached to one Benjamin Anakin Solo and just his whole fucking body. His whole fucking <em>being</em>. Perhaps she actually had just had a Ben addiction.</p><p>And as he edged nearer to his orgasm, his movements became more erratic, and he released Rey’s legs and leaned down closer to her with them still hiked up his body as he pinned them down with his arms. She tried her best to lift her ass to meet with his thrusts. He told her again that he was going to finish, and apparently, he had a habit of letting her know that, which she was completely fine with. It ended with them breathing hard next to each other on the bed. He picked up one of her hands and kissed it.</p><p>And this was just the start of them behaving like total and complete animals around each other; she just <em>knew</em> it.</p><p>“Just as amazing the second time,” Ben said as he squeezed her hand and looked over at her and he grinned, “want to do it again?”</p><p>Rey laughed, meeting his stare and feeling completely gooey on the inside, “<em>Fuck</em> yes I do, Solo. I admire your stamina.” She insisted and then smiled, leaning over to kiss him.</p><p>He touched her hand to his cheek, “I should have expected that you were going to be as much of a feral beast in the bedroom.” Ben said after they pulled away.</p><p>Giggling again, Rey raised the other arm above her head, “Don’t even get me <em>started</em> Ben. The number of times I wanted to go feral on you…I’ve lost count.”</p><p>He groaned at her, turning over and placed his massive arm on her, “No, don’t <em>tell </em>me that…I cannot even <em>fathom </em>the amount of times I’ve fantasized this,” he leaned in to kiss her again headily, his hand sloping down her body, “but good <em>god </em>Rey…your cunt. It is going to <em>ruin</em> me. My dick will never be the same. I think he wants to write a novel about it.”</p><p>Ben had managed to still be such an enigma to her, because really, what man was so strikingly seductive and such a huge dork at the same time? It made her laugh; the image of a dick writing a novel made her wheeze.</p><p>“She’s flattered, really.”</p><p>He smiled and rolled on top of her again, nuzzling their noses.</p><p>“What kind of prose can a dick accomplish, anyway?” She asked as he started to kiss her neck. He pulled back and grinned down at her.</p><p>“Oh, for her? He’d rewrite Shakespeare. He’d make Charles Dickens look like a <em>hack</em>.”</p><p>Rey snorted and smacked him in the shoulder, never thinking her vagina would be such a muse to dethrone Shakespeare.</p><p>“Wow, my very <em>own </em>Dickens.” Rey gushed.</p><p>He chuckled and shook his head at her words, kissing her gently on her lips, and then he was pressing his lips all over her chest.</p><p>“Just thinking about her now,” he continued, now laying kisses all over her skin, “mmm, he wants more…<em>inspiration</em>.”</p><p>As his mouth continued, he latched onto a nipple and she sighed, “Far be it from me to not encourage such profound literature.”</p><p>Speaking of her apparent awe inspiring female parts, she felt herself grow wet again as he licked slowly up her sternum.</p><p>Then, because other parts of her body attest her, her stomach betrayed her, the growl ruining the mood loudly.</p><p>Ben looked up at her in response, seizing the actions on her chest. He then giggled and propped himself up with his elbows above her, “Have you fed yourself Ms. Kenobi?”</p><p>“Didn’t really have the time in between all of the fucking.” She said as she stroked his head that was now on her stomach after he lowered himself down to it as it yelled at them again.</p><p>“I must have really taken it out of you.” He said, and she shoved his shoulder.</p><p>“I didn’t have a chance to eat dinner!”</p><p>He pouted against her, and she immediately relented, “Ugh fine, I am sure the amazing sex had something to do with it too.”</p><p>He smiled and sat up, kissing her before straightening all the way. His fingers traced her nipple again, which was not fair how honest to god arousing he was at all times.</p><p>“What do you want? I’ll make you anything within the restrictions of your kitchen.”</p><p>She smiled and sat up with him, gently pressing her lips to his, “You really know how to speak my language.”</p><p>He grabbed her hip and pulled her closer to him, “I would like to think so.”</p><p>Rey brought her face to close to his, “Pancakes?”</p><p>Closing the gap between them, he grinned when his face came into her view again, “As you wish.”</p><p>He got up from the bed, and Rey realized he would have to do that in order to make the aforementioned pancakes. She became disappointed, but she was met with <em>his</em> beautifully sculpted behind as he put on his boxer briefs and grabbed his phone out of his pants, and his ass was so enticing that she gave it a slap as he walked away. He winked at her briefly at the doorway before he made his way into the rest of her apartment, sounds from the kitchen were met almost immediately.</p><p>Sighing, she laid back and spread out onto her bed, still completely naked and fully satiated, well except for her stomach.</p><p>“I just had sex with B, twice.” She whispered to herself as if saying it out loud would make it any less real.</p><p>And it was the most incredible thing she had ever experienced. The closeness, the pleasure, his dopey grin whenever she would climb on top of him. She never wanted to stop ruminating on it. For the longest time, he just seemed like this far off idea, especially when he was just B. He was unobtainable in this, hot boy apartment that she didn’t know how to get to, and now she knew what he looked like when he had become completely undone.</p><p>She just laid there, processing all of his as she heard him start up a Bon Jovi song that he began humming along to. Christ, she was so stupid for this man.</p><p>Rey briefly wondered what it would be like if her younger self were to know what she was in store for when she was older. That she got to have this idiot sasquatch collide into her life that was making her question everything.</p><p>She heard her phone buzz inside her purse, not even really knowing how it managed to get there on the ground next to her bed. Reaching for it, she saw that Rose was calling, probably to check up on her. She was too happy and content to ignore it, so she answered it.</p><p>“Hello?” She said in what she was hoping was a normal sounding tone.</p><p>“Rey, hey. I was just checking up on you. You seemed pretty upset earlier.”</p><p>She breathed in a couple of times before saying anything, “I certainly was.”</p><p>“Well, did you talk to Ben?”</p><p>Rey was almost going to answer, but then she caught herself, thinking about it for a moment. She was remembering when she and Ben had finally met, the magical time where it was just the two of them. Rey longed to have that opportunity again.</p><p>“Yes, but we didn’t talk about that.” Rey lied. She would tell Rose about it soon, not wanting a repeat of the chicken braising incident.</p><p>She heard Rose sigh and it almost made her smile, “Seriously Rey? Why not?”</p><p>Thinking of some kind of excuse, Rey bit at a hangnail, “It just…didn’t feel like the right time.”</p><p>“It’s never going to feel like the right time sweetie. You just have to nut up and do it. And I am sure he’ll feel the same way and want to ravish you immediately.”</p><p>Well <em>that </em>was certainly true. Rey actually smiled at that, “I will soon, really. I promise. I…just want to think about what I want to say more and compile it in my head, okay?”</p><p>Rose was probably rolling her eyes at her, “O<em>kay</em>, but promise to do it soon. The two of you are going to give me an aneurism, I swear to god.”</p><p>Rey laughed, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry your best friend is such an idiot.”</p><p>Rose giggled back, “I’m sorry too. I truly am. You at least do sound a lot better. Are you with Ben now?”</p><p>Rey smelled the unmistakable scent of bacon hit her nose and she swooned, “Yes, I am in my room. He’s making breakfast for dinner right now.”</p><p>This time Rey <em>knew </em>Rose was rolling her eyes, “Oh my god that man has it so bad for you Rey, dear Christ. Has since day negative thirty, I <em>know </em>it.”</p><p>This was probably true from the way Ben was making it sound, “Oh please Rose!”</p><p>“It’s true! Come on, just go in there and jump his sasquatch bones. I’m sure he won’t mind.”</p><p>Rey was laughing now, “I’m hanging up now!”</p><p>“Okay, let me know how the sex is after you’re done being all hyped up on bacon!”</p><p><em>Incredible. Mind blowing. </em>Life <em>altering.</em></p><p>She and Rose hung up after they exchanged I love yous and goodbyes. It took her a few moments to gather herself as she stood and stretched, knowing she was going to be sore in the morning, but in the best sort of way. She threw on his t shirt and reveled in it smelling like him for a couple of seconds and before she grabbed her phone stepped out into the living room. He looked up at her and smiled before flipping a pancake. She made her way over to him, placing her phone on the counter next to his and hugged him from behind, her face only coming up to his shoulder blades.</p><p>“I believe, I just said pancakes.” She said into his back, noting the bacon, scrambled eggs and now chocolate chip pancakes.</p><p>“Well, it’s not like you said <em>not </em>to make more, and besides…you’ll need all your energy.”</p><p>She pinched his sides, which he seemed to react wildly too, which was definitely something she would have to explore later when he didn’t have a hot stove so close to his mostly naked body. <em>I sure hope you’re ticklish Ben Solo</em>. She had a feeling that she would want to perform chicken fingers all over him.</p><p>“Were you talking with Rose?” He asked, flipping another pancake.</p><p>“How did you know?”</p><p>He shrugged, “I thought I heard you on the phone, figured it was her.”</p><p>Rey sighed, pulling away from him, but not before kissing a mole that was right at eye level with her, and sat up onto the counter next to the stove, “She called me to check on me. I was upset earlier, that’s all.”</p><p>She grabbed a piece of the bacon that was waiting under on a plate under some paper towels. Good and crunchy, just like how she liked it.</p><p>“What were you upset about?” He asked sincerely.</p><p>Rey sighed, “I might have needed to get my feelings out regarding some hot neighbor boy.”</p><p>He smiled, looking down at his task, “Ah, well you should probably tell him.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she checked the time on the microwave, “he’ll be over here soon, so if you could clear out, that would be great.”</p><p>He turned the burner off, seemingly satisfied with the mountain of pancakes he had already made. Approaching her, he slid her to the edge of the counter with his hands riding up his shirt and onto her hips, “You little—”</p><p>And then she was capturing his lips in another dizzying kiss. He pulled away before they could get too worked up though as there was plenty of food to eat, and her stomach growled again.</p><p>“You taste like bacon.” He said, lifting her from the counter easily and brought her to the table, placed her down in a seat, and then kissed the top of her head before he left to get the food. She was still going to have to try her best to get used to being taken care of by Ben without feeling like a weakling afterward, but in the moment, she felt giddy.</p><p>“So did you tell her that we…banged each other’s brains out? Twice? And will several more times before the evening is over?” Ben asked her, and she laughed and looked over her shoulder at him.</p><p>“<em>That </em>so?”</p><p>“Oh yes, Kenobi. We’ve got a lot of fucking to do if we’re going to get through the sex itinerary I prepared.” He joked.</p><p>Rey laughed, while Ben brought all of the plates over in one go somehow before he left to get their own individual ones and silverware, “And where is this sex itinerary? I wasn’t given anything of the sort!”</p><p>“I sent you an email about it. You should really be more responsible come on Rey, you haven’t read it yet?”</p><p>“Oh I am <em>so </em>sorry Solo. Let me just look now to see how many trains you plan on running over me.”</p><p>He sat in the chair next to her after placing her setting down in front of her, and she immediately started to dig in, pouring syrup onto her food, “She thinks I’m joking.”</p><p>“Wait,” she said with her mouth full of pancake, “you <em>actually </em>did?”</p><p>Ben stood up and grabbed her phone off the counter and handed it to her. Rey took it disbelievingly and unlocked her phone while she swallowed her pancake, and sure enough, she had an alert of an email from Ben entitled ‘Sex Itinerary.’</p><p>She looked up at him with shocked eyes, “You are so fucking stupid Ben oh my god.”</p><p>He laughed at her, “I mean, can you <em>blame </em>me? Have you had sex with you? It’s pretty fantastic.”</p><p>“Hmm,” Rey hummed, tapping her chin, “do furious sessions with my vibrator fantasizing you fucking me against your window count?”</p><p>Ben’s mouth dropped for a moment and Rey smiled widely, “You <em>what</em>?”</p><p>Rey shrugged and opened up the email and she started to read through all of the positions they were apparently going to try and how many impending orgasms he was planning on giving her. Why was this turning her on?</p><p>“I mean when did you even have time to make this?” Rey asked, astounded by him as she kept eating while she read through the list.</p><p>Ben forked at his pancake, “I typed it up while making the pancakes…I’ve been waiting to do this a long time Rey.”</p><p>She felt her heart clench as she smiled up at him. He reached over and wiped the syrup from her chin with his thumb, “But like I said, worth the wait.”</p><p>Beaming at him, she continued to eat her food while they just stared at each other. She felt a little silly, but then she would feel better after seeing him smile at her. Since Rey had some time to think about it, she was glad they had taken so long. It felt more meaningful this way because she knew him more than just as hot neighbor boy or B; he was Ben, her Ben, who had enough courage to say hi first and made her incredible food. He was extra competitive with her when they would box or play Mortal Kombat, trying to push her off the couch when he was losing, or would hold her throughout the night when she was sobbing and braid her hair in the morning, just to make her feel better. It was difficult to imagine it happening sooner because of how much he meant to her now, eating his bacon and grinning at her from ear to ear.</p><p>She reached over and squeezed his hand. He took it up to his mouth and kissed it.</p><p>Rey had practically eaten until she was about to explode, but that didn’t stop her from getting up and settling herself in Ben’s lap, unable to stop herself. He made a humming noise when she ran her fingers through his hair.</p><p>“Hey, Ben?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>She didn’t want to ask, but she thought she needed to in order for it to stop weighing on her, “So what <em>was</em> going on with you and her?”</p><p>His face fell and he sighed, eyes meeting hers as he touched her cheek, “I promise you there is nothing going on between Bazine and I.”</p><p>“I didn’t even know that was her name. You never talked about her.”</p><p>“I didn’t really know how to bring her up, considering when we broke up, I was having these feelings for a girl across the street that I had never met.”</p><p>Rey smiled, despite herself, “So what was she doing there?”</p><p>Ben’s mouth twitched and she looked down at her lap, “She was someone I had dated in law school, and we kind of just ran into each other again when I moved here, and I thought about how lonely I was and how wanting you was probably this ludicrous idea, so we tried dating again. I think I always knew that it wasn’t going to work out. And she literally just showed up unannounced because she said she wanted closure, so we talked, and she left. I was really hoping you wouldn’t see before I could explain what happened.”</p><p>Rey looked down too and brought her hands to his chest, “But I did.”</p><p>He sighed, “You did.”</p><p>“And she kissed you.”</p><p>Ben grimaced, “She did. That was something I really wasn’t expecting. I even had told her that I had strong feelings for someone else.”</p><p>Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in her head, “Did you tell her it was me?”</p><p>He looked at her, confused, “Yes.”</p><p>“Hm,” Rey thought, “maybe that’s why. She must have noticed me just staring at you guys. I wasn’t exactly being subtle about it.”</p><p>Taking in a deep breath, Ben leaned into her and touched their foreheads together and wrapped his arms around her, “Well, either way, you won’t be seeing her around anymore.”</p><p>She nodded, “I should hope not. It killed me when you closed the blinds when she was over. I do it <em>one</em> time and you freak out.”</p><p>He blushed and intertwined his fingers with hers, “That’s how I felt when you brought that guy over, that piece of shit. Then I thought I shouldn’t be upset about it considering—”</p><p>“Considering that <em>you </em>were the one with a girlfriend and that we had still hadn’t actually talked before?”</p><p>“Yes,” he said sheepishly, “wow, I am quite the right foul git, aren’t I?”</p><p>She laughed at his use of British slang and cradled his head and sighed into his mouth, “Yes, you are. A real wanker.”</p><p>What little clothes they had on didn’t last long when they made their way back to Rey’s room.</p><p>“I can’t wait to fuck you on every surface of both our apartments.” He said as he was on top of her, kissing her mouth hungrily.</p><p>“Well I think that would involve you having to close the blinds, sir. Unless you want everyone to see the show.”</p><p>“You’re allowed to close them as long as I’m in here with you.”</p><p>“Oh, well thanks for the <em>permission</em>, Benjamin—hmmm,” she got out as he was biting her neck.</p><p>“I had never felt more alone at that apartment than when I saw them closed, Rey.” He admitted, stopping the assault on her neck.</p><p>She saw his gloomy expression and grabbed his face, “I will always keep them open for you.”</p><p>Even though she didn’t say all the words that were implied with that sentence, she thought he understood because he was giving her those warm eyes again and he kissed her gently on the lips and then all over her face. She giggled and did the same.</p><p> </p><p>Rey always supposed there was such a fickle nature to her own subconscious, and when it would express itself with her deepest fantasies or her deepest fears, and there she was in the middle of that cruel juxtaposition, never knowing which one was going to present itself or why. Sometimes, she would dream of her family, her parents. Just being there with her when she was little. It was something that she had clung to on her loneliest nights when all of the ice had run out and she had nothing to left but her thoughts. Rey hadn’t realized it at the time, but chewing the ice was just occupying her mind instead of allowing her to reflect on these painful memories. And when she had gotten Kaydel involved with it, she felt a little less lonely for the first time in she didn’t even remember how long.</p><p>Then it was all ripped away from her, just like everything else was in her life, even though leaving had been her choice. She wasn’t the one holding the puppet strings, however. Though, when she thought about it, that is when she began to have her wildest nightmares.</p><p>Rey had never really understood why her grandfather’s email had triggered her so much since it had happened. This wasn’t the first time he had tried contacting her, and all of those other times, she had just brushed it off and moved on. Sure, there had always been an impending nightmare or two, but this episode had constantly felt different as she woke up yet again, gasping for air like she always did. She had fallen asleep in Ben’s arms, and even that hadn’t protected her from her own mind, and she almost scoffed at herself. Was it <em>supposed </em>to?</p><p>Now her head was on her pillow, and she was breathing heavily, trying to calm herself down, so she wouldn’t wake Ben up. This <em>wasn’t </em>how she wanted to spend waking up with Ben for the first time; she simply wouldn’t <em>let </em>it. Rey allowed herself to look over at him, still lost in slumber. He was facing her, one arm under the pillow he was using and the other splayed out towards her. She remembered the comfort she sought after Finn’s party, even if Ben had been unknowing of it. The weaker part of her took over and grabbed his outstretched hand as she continued to take in labored breaths, turning on her side to him, grasping his hand against her again. She held it over her rapidly beating chest, and she closed her eyes, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. Repeating this several times, she did it until she felt satisfactorily calmed down, quickly letting go of his hand so to not risk stirring him.</p><p>She still stared at him, still reeling from her nightmare about how she wasn’t—</p><p><em>Enough, she’s never going to be </em>enough.</p><p>Rey closed her eyes and <em>willed </em>for it to leave her.</p><p>Why did her mind do this to her, torture her so? She remembered when she was isolating herself from everyone, and Finn had tried to reach out to her all that time ago and she hadn’t responded. That night, she had had a sex dream about Ben, or B, really. Then when she had had Peter over, that night after Ben had riled her up so much, she woke up again on her couch, her grandfather still whispering overpoweringly in her ear. Though that night she also had that window sex dream, too. Why did it always have to be either one extreme or another? She also remembered that dream where she was watching <em>The Office </em>with him on the couch, too after she had slept with Jensen. She sighed.</p><p>Tearing her away from her thoughts, Ben did stir in his sleep, and Rey thought that he might open his eyes after all, but he just moaned—in a way that did not seem pleasurable considering the grimace on his face and turned over. She spotted that mole she had kissed earlier and plenty of others on his back. Touching the familiar one, she decided that one was her favorite, on his back at least—because she simply couldn’t forget about that one on his dick, now could she? Rey now knew she was in a constant state of wanting to survey them all. She traced her mole to the other larger ones and Ben shivered in his sleep.</p><p>The evening had been one of the best of her life, despite the emotionally draining aspects of it. She lost count at the number of times they had sex; she thinks it might have been five, but she wasn’t sure. They were really making their way through that itinerary.</p><p>Making up for lost time she supposed.</p><p>One of the more memorable rounds was when he had entered her while she was on her stomach from above, “Fuck I am going to come just from <em>that</em>,” he admitted huskily while hovering over her, one of his hands making its way to her hair and tugging on it roughly, which caused her to push back on him just as hard. Rey really wished she could have seen the look on his face after that because he made such a guttural moan that she felt it reverberate into her body. Rey definitely made note of that reaction and logged it away in the ‘What drives Ben Solo mad’ part of her mind along with that move she does with her hips while she was on top of him.</p><p>Rey exhaled, leaning over to kiss that mole and took a few moments to appreciate the planes of his skin, all that muscle. Rey always <em>had </em>been one to appreciate a good back, and Ben certainly had a nice one.</p><p>Accepting that she wasn’t going to get any more sleep given her current state—and she most certainly didn’t want to wake Ben up still—she slid out of the bed and found his shirt on the ground, and decided to put it on again like she had before earlier in the night, taking in his scent. Is this why girls did this? Well, she knew at least it was why she was. It was the next best thing ever to be enveloped by him.</p><p>Rey wandered out of the room and to her kitchen, reaching to get a cup for ice out of the cupboard. She filled it up and began to wander again after she had gotten a couple of munches in, not really having much awareness of her actions until she found herself holding one of her PS4 controllers, turning on her console. Now she was very much aware of what she was doing as she selected the game she always went to when she felt like this.</p><p><em>The Last of Us</em> was most certainly at times a dour, depressing game, but for some reason, it had been something she flocked to in these moments of despair. She had lost count at how many replays she had done. Maybe it was because she had always been secretly jealous of Ellie, who got to have a father drop in her life without her even looking for it, or maybe it was something about being able to help these two people learn how to love each other, despite the horrible state of the world. Whatever the reason, she just enjoyed playing and watching Joel and Ellie explore an empty town with the pretty music.</p><p>Rey immersed herself in the game, or…at least she was <em>trying</em> to. Here she was, playing her go to comfort mechanism, and yet, her thoughts were still negging her, calling to her to ruminate, to drown in.</p><p>“<em>No</em>, fuck <em>off</em>.” She literally said to her thoughts.</p><p>Sometimes she felt like her grandfather didn’t want her to know how to function like a human being. To always keep her at this level of dysfunction so to keep her in his grasp.</p><p>And she guessed it had worked. She still didn’t know how to do this. Fucking Ben all night hadn’t changed that, despite how absolutely <em>wonderful </em>that had been. The open space of her apartment all of a sudden felt too overwhelming, and she didn’t want Ben to see her like this again so soon, so she opted to run to her guest bathroom, closing the door behind her. Rey held onto the counter for support and stared up into her reflection, resenting it greatly.</p><p>Right now, she knew she was cutting off her nose to spite her face because she should have just accepted this, <em>all of this</em>, for what it was and not even question it. She and Ben had finally, <em>finally </em>expressed how they felt to one another. They had laughed, fought, cried, held each other at their most vulnerable, shared details about their lonely childhoods, began an innocent physical closeness, and that was <em>before</em> they had even confessed feelings and all of the sex. Somehow, Rey had accomplished all of this intimacy without even <em>thinking </em>about it.</p><p>Not until now.</p><p>She gripped onto the counter until her knuckles were white.</p><p>Now she finally understood why Ben was still completely <em>terrifying</em>.</p><p>Her breaths were coming in short now, she was struggling to take in enough before it was being pushed out of her lungs again.</p><p>For practically her entire life, it was like Rey had been in this space suit. Because it had protected her from the harsh outside world. She grew comfortable in it. She knew it inside and out and it had allowed her to keep a barrier between her and everyone else in her life, even Rose and Finn.</p><p>But now there was someone who knew how to break through it. Crack her helmet. <em>Refuse </em>to leave. <em>See right through her</em>.</p><p>Rey felt the dry sob escape her, and she was sinking to the floor and throwing her back against the bathroom wall, shaking violently.</p><p>She had spent so long in that suit that she didn’t <em>know</em>. She didn’t <em>know </em>that while she was protecting herself from the outside world, she couldn’t even reach up to scratch her nose if she wanted to.</p><p>She didn’t know what she had been missing out on this whole time. And how <em>could </em>she? That suit was the only reason Rey was able to keep going, living through that horrifying nightmare of a childhood full of never knowing when she was going to eat next and being left in dog cages for days at a time.</p><p>The tears came forth again and she held herself, rocking back and forth.</p><p>How was she supposed to know how to take it off now, despite the cracks?</p><p>Rey wasn’t sure how long she had sat on the floor, sobbing, regressing back to her helpless child state. This was too much it was all too much.</p><p>Throwing her head back against the wall, she took in a few deep breaths, attempting to center herself once more.</p><p>Standing up on unsteady legs that felt like a baby deer’s, she held onto the counter again, breathing hard into her reflection. She looked down and reached for several wads of toilet paper and wiped away her shame. Then she was throwing it all away as if she resented the used paper. Rey had to do this. She had to go back out there. She couldn’t just shrivel up in here forever.</p><p>Taking another deep breath, she braved to open the bathroom door, and ventured back out into the rest of the apartment, and thanked her lucky stars that Ben still seemed to be asleep. Rey took her vigil at the couch again, and now was going to pretend like none of that had ever happened as she kept playing the game and chewing her ice. R2 woke up and whined, happily trotting to her and jumping to the couch to settle next to her. She gave him some pats. At some point in the night between all of the fucking, Ben said he needed to take R2 out, so obviously Rey went with him, and watched him undress and change into different clothes greedily while lying on his bed. As he was, Ben met her eyes and tilted his head.</p><p>“You like this?” He had asked her as he was removing his pants</p><p>She nodded vigorously, “<em>Very </em>much.”</p><p>“<em>Well </em>then,” he claimed, slowly taking off his shirt, leaving him just in his underwear, “anything for my lady.”</p><p>Then he was on top of her, kissing her as Rey’s felt her brain short circuit, and they kept kissing and kissing, and his hand raised to caress her breast over her shirt; she hadn’t even bothered putting on a bra, and when it seemed like things were going to escalate, R2 came in and started to whine, halting their unrelenting horniness.</p><p>Then they were still kissing each other in the elevator, down the street as they held hands, and when R2 did his business. She really was never going to stop putting her mouth all over this man.</p><p>Now she was here, upset all over again that she really should just be <em>over</em>, but she found she definitely was not. How utterly <em>feeble </em>she was.</p><p>“Hey buddy.”</p><p>She had been searching and looting this town for a while when she felt a presence next to her and only had to assume it was Ben, unless there was just a really quiet intruder in her apartment. He came over from her periphery and sat next to her, closing his arms around brought her into his lap but made sure not to disturb her gameplay. For the longest time, he said nothing and watched her play, just planting a kiss onto her temple or hairline every once in a while.</p><p>There he was, breaking through her helmet without even trying again. She exhaled a shaky breath.</p><p>“You only play this late at night,” Ben finally stated, brushing the hair off of her shoulder, “and if I am guessing correctly, when you are upset.”</p><p>Rey didn’t say anything in response, and neither did he for a while as his arms around her tightened, kissing her shoulder.</p><p>“For a second, I thought maybe <em>you </em>had left when I woke up,” Ben said quietly behind her.</p><p>That comment made her stop playing the second he uttered that horrifying sentence. <em>No no no</em>. She felt panic rise in her because she <em>never </em>wanted him to feel that way and especially because of her.</p><p>She paused the game immediately and put down the controller next to them on the couch. Rey turned her head towards him, “Ben—”</p><p>“I heard you out here a few seconds later.” He added, easing her nerves instantly.</p><p>Nodding, her hands fell to his arms around her waist, “Right, okay. Good.”</p><p>He sighed, nose touching the back of her head, “We should probably stop freaking out when that happens.”</p><p>This caused Rey to actually laugh, “Probably.”</p><p>It was rather ironic because Rey was so used to sleeping alone. But she understood that Ben had probably panicked for a very similar reason to why she had. Who would want to wake up alone after sharing something so intimate? Especially after not knowing anything like it for so long?</p><p>“I’m sorry.” Rey apologized.</p><p>“You don’t need to be sorry.” He insisted into her hair.</p><p>Rey turned to face him, and looked into his eyes, recognizing their sincerity. And now felt like she was looking at Ben right now, <em>truly </em>looking at him after hearing his soft admittance and poignant eyes.</p><p>Was he wearing a suit too? Was he…scarcely showing her the rifts in his?</p><p>Rey had been so wrapped up in her own turmoil just now to even think about it. All she could do in this moment was nod at him, and he kissed her forehead.</p><p>She didn’t know what to do now. This was a lot for twenty-four hours.</p><p>Lifting her face to touch his cheek with hers and hand raising to the nape of his neck, she opted to let him know she was still there in a physical manner. He responded with nuzzling her face with his own, hand riding under his shirt that she had put on. It was definitely in a comforting gesture as he began to rub her back like he had the night of Finn’s party.</p><p>Her head lowered to rest under his chin, and she kissed his neck.</p><p>“What’s wrong? Did I do something—”</p><p>“No!” She said forcefully, but then calmed her tone, “No, you didn’t. I’m sorry, it has nothing to do with you.”</p><p>His fingers were still putting her in a trance on her back. She sighed and leaned against his chest. No more crying; she was so sick of crying.</p><p>“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”</p><p>Rey’s fingers now danced on the skin across his chest; it seemed like neither of them could ever keep still as their hands always had to be doing something. She didn’t speak for another minute or so. Did she want to go there? Did she want to tell him about all of this so soon after everything they had shared tonight? She bit her lip. It all felt like…too much…but, there was something else to it too, she found.</p><p>“I—” she attempted, “I actually <em>want </em>to talk about it. I want to tell you. It’s just hard for me. I’m not good with this stuff.”</p><p>Maybe…she could. Maybe she could peer through those fractures at some point.</p><p>He nodded above her, “Neither am I.”</p><p>Underneath him, her eyes widened a little bit, “You seem to be much better at it than I am.”</p><p>“Trust me, I’m not. That’s like 90% fake confidence and posturing.” He chuckled.</p><p>“Well how do you do it so well?” She asked, snuggling into him even more.</p><p>His hand was now gripped around her ribcage, and he sighed into her hair, “I’m a lawyer, it’s literally my job. How do you think I was able to keep my feelings for you under the radar for so long?”</p><p>That actually made her giggle, “Hey, I’ve got plenty of years of covering up my emotions too.”</p><p>“I don’t know if that’s something we should brag about. Look where it got us…look how <em>long </em>it took for us to tell each other how we feel.”</p><p>Her fingers were traveling down his arms now, “Well maybe that’s not such a bad thing. I don’t think I—I would feel as close to you now if we hadn’t.”</p><p>He pressed his lips to her temple, “That’s a much better way to look at it.”</p><p>“I think…maybe…we were meant to be here, now. Form this bond first. You know?” She asked in a small voice, still unsure of herself even now.</p><p>She felt him nod above her as his other hand went to rest on her thigh, “I’ve already told you that you were worth the wait Rey. I meant it. Every single second of it.”</p><p>Rey felt like she had been thrown into an extremely hot jacuzzi without warning, “R-really?”</p><p>The hand on her ribcage started to caress her side, and he kissed the top of her head, “Really.”</p><p>She let out a breath and wound her arms around his neck, “Even if we just stared at each other without speaking the first year?”</p><p>His laughter reverberated from his chest and made her feel warm all over again, “If we hadn’t done that, how could there have been an adorably flustered gremlin spilling cupcakes all over me?”</p><p>Ben had officially lifted her spirits to a new place that didn’t feel like the entire weight of that space suit all around her. She buried her face into his neck and smiled, “Well what was she <em>supposed </em>to do? Address the sasquatch? No sir.”</p><p>His hand raised to feather through her hair now, “Poor sasquatch didn’t know what to do. Imagine how <em>he </em>felt.”</p><p>She giggled, “And how was that?”</p><p>Ben made a humming noise against her, which vibrated his neck to which she was still attached to, “Like he had already messed up something he didn’t even know had started. The gremlin gave him like <em>no </em>warning, and he just stood there, completely flummoxed like a big dumb idiot.”</p><p>His words made her heart clench, and she lifted her head to kiss him while her hands raised to hold his face, “Aww, poor squatch. The gremlin was just a little…overwhelmed.” That was putting it <em>mildly</em>.</p><p>Ben hummed again, but this time it seemed to be in a more contented manner, “Well, he figured it out eventually. Had to chase that little gremlin all the way to her house.”</p><p>“And you said the <em>gremlin</em> gave no warning.” Rey joked, feeling like she was the one more blindsided.</p><p>Ben gave her a cheeky smile and kissed her again, which turned into a series of smaller ones on her lips, then leading to her chin, and then to her neck, which made her laugh.</p><p>“So you’re telling me he…crossed…the…<em>street</em> for her?” She asked as his lips were making their way back up to her face, ending on her temple.</p><p>“His acts certainly were heroic, yes,” Ben said with his smile on her skin.</p><p>She just agreed, laughing and shaking her head while readjusted herself into his lap with her legs draped over his.</p><p>“I heard there’ll be a Lifetime movie about it, coming this fall. <em>Separated by a Street</em>.” Rey recalled Finn’s dumb joke from so long ago.</p><p>This caused a peel of laughter to escape his mouth, “There <em>are </em>a lot of dangers on it. It’s where R2 got hit after all.”</p><p>“See? It was a hazard that we had to overcome…” Rey said as she shook her head.</p><p>Then she was smirking and running her hand through his hair, and he leaned into her touch, “And besides…<em>this</em> way you already know what a slob I am and I know how much of a neat freak you are.”</p><p>He squeezed her tight and let go, “Yes, but you’re <em>my </em>adorable little slob.”</p><p>She looked up and nuzzled his chin, “It bothered you so much that you just left the dishes in the sink after dinner, didn’t it?”</p><p>His mouth formed a line, “If I’m being honest I’m still thinking about it now,” his admittance made Rey laugh, “but there were more…pressing matters to attend to.”</p><p>“Like my vagina?”</p><p>“Yes, like your vagina. I didn’t want it to go on feeling neglected. It had been like forty-five minutes since I had attended to it.”</p><p>Rey smirked at him with a raised eyebrow, “Such a gentleman, putting my vagina’s needs above the household chores.”</p><p>“That’s high praise coming from me,” he smiled, “and besides,” Ben said, gesturing to his crotch with his hand, “we want to start that novel, don’t we?”</p><p>“Oh yes, the dick novel, written by Ben Dickens, how could I forget about that?”</p><p>He laughed, kissing her, “Ben Dickens. Why do I feel like that is going to be one of the nicknames for my penis?”</p><p>She shrugged, “Such an accomplished penis needs an accomplished name.”</p><p>Ben grinned at her slowly, and then he was leaning into her, kissing her mouth, “He’s honored.”</p><p>Rey smirked at her own words reflected back at her, and then she was sighing. Her head was met with his chest again, settling herself under his chin as both his arms raised around her, grasping her tight while he pressed his lips to her hairline briefly. He sighed contentedly and rubbed the top of her head with his cheek. Meanwhile, Rey’s arms wrapped around him as much as they could.</p><p>She was wondering yet again how this was her reality. Ben had been here all along. And she was just apprehending this more and more as they spent time together like this.</p><p>Rey kept cursing herself for not letting her feelings being known sooner, or hell, just going over there and shagging him like Rose and Finn had always suggested.</p><p>But now, after all of these realizations and Ben’s heartbeat against her ear…perhaps this was truly the best way it happened, just like she had been slowly gathering together this entire evening.</p><p>Over all of this time, Ben had slowly, ever so gently started to approach her in the way she needed, which is something she wasn’t even aware of. She knew herself, and she knew if they had slept together right away, she would have just stayed unwittingly in her suit, unaware that she was even blocking herself off from him, and this…whatever <em>this </em>was right now in this very moment, Ben combing through her hair as Rey closed her eyes, would not be happening.</p><p>What she had needed all along was a friendship that built this gradual, steady trust, in order to enable her to be present in this moment with her cracks. The way that she and Ben had built this is how she even realized that in which was enabling her was also inhibiting her, the oxygen she clung to in her helmet because she was too afraid of the space outside of it. But here was Ben, rubbing at her back, who had calmly offered her his hand, his trust, his affection, his comfort, which were what created the fissures in the first place.</p><p>Rey pulled away from his chest, arms raising up to his face unhurriedly, and he met her eyes with a soft fervor. Breathing in deeply, she leaned forward and kissed him gently, which he had returned with knuckles grazing her cheek. And as she pulled away, he was still giving her those eyes, but there was a hint of a smile in them now.</p><p>She had a feeling it was something that Ben needed, too.</p><p>And as they kissed again in a crescendo of unsaid feelings and trauma, Rey thought that maybe, one day, they wouldn’t need their helmets anymore.</p><p> </p><p>It was something that was rather perfunctory, Rey waking up to Ben’s hardness behind her, and her, rubbing her behind against it, even still under the guise of sleep. Shifting bodies in the night, they had ended up together again with Rey’s back to him. She could tell by his breathing that he was still asleep, but she had woken up practically grinding him. Now that she was more awake, the spurs of arousal began in her groin, urging her to continue what she was doing. Yes, this was a <em>much </em>better way to wake up.</p><p>So she did, and in his sleep, his arms tightened around her and he sighed into her ear. Even that small action did things to her.</p><p>“Ben,” she whispered in what she even had to admit was more of a breathy moan. When he finally started to wake, his breathing intensified before it settled down, and his hands made quick work while around her, one reaching around to knead her breast and the other, well certainly the other had matters to attend to with her vagina.</p><p>She moaned into the air, biting her lip and reaching behind her to scratch his scalp. She felt him smile into her neck, which she was sure was a devious one, because he then sucked on it, nibbling it with his teeth, and then moved to do the same behind her ear. Being hit from all angles was a little overwhelming to her senses, but it seemed like such a Ben thing to do, to render her practically motionless with pleasure, and leaving her with being able to nothing about it. She decided that it was high time to pull a Rey move and take charge of the situation.</p><p>Turning over rapidly, she pushed him on his back and sunk down on him within a few seconds. His hands grasped her thighs rather tightly as hers splayed out onto his chest. He was giving her that same dopey smile again as she started to move her hips and he closed his eyes, shifting his head back and forth slightly. She wasn’t done with him yet, oh no. Her hips canted slowly sideways as she moved up and down on top of him, a move that had proven to be well received in the past by other men she found, but with Ben, she thought he was still very much throne as he seemed like he was going to practically burst as eyes rolled back and his breath hitched and he whispered, “You feel so <em>incredible</em>—<em>ngh</em>—on my cock.”</p><p>His words encouraged her to pick up her pace, and he reached to pull her down so he could take one of her nipples in his mouth. Her orgasm was near now; Ben practically had her over the edge before she even climbed on top of him. When her breathing quickened, he already seemed so in tune with her body because he switched to the other breast.</p><p>The climax hit her as the movements she was making on him started to become uneven, so Ben steadied her hips after she was coming down to finish himself off, thrusting up into her at a rapid rate. She leaned down to kiss him, which slowed him down, and she gave him a look with her eyes that she was hoping would come across as ‘let me do this for you.’</p><p>Because that is what she wanted; he had already done so much for her, so she thought riding him until he couldn’t even remember his own name was at least some way to show her appreciation.</p><p>His expression seemed to be that of recognition, and so she did. She continued with that move he liked until he was breathing hard and grasping her forearms.</p><p>“I’m close.”</p><p>Their eye contact made it all the more erotic as she whispered, “I know.”</p><p>Then the look on his face seemed to convey that he knew he was a goner, and he was fully accepting of it.</p><p>“Mmm, ride me,” he declared with another pang of arousal hitting her core, “<em>ride my dick, Rey</em>.”</p><p>She didn’t think she had ever bobbed so hard on top of a man, but she would do it for Ben. He spanked her and grunted, and one more expert twist of her hips and he was rapidly breathing with his orgasm.</p><p>Her arms were bracing her up as they rested on either side of his head, both breathing hard. Ben smiled up at her and managed enough strength to push himself up and kiss her on the mouth before collapsing back down. She grinned back him with his staying constant.</p><p>“Hi.” He said surprisingly innocently.</p><p>“Hi.” She said back, a word that almost seemed impossible to utter to him before he showed up at her door.</p><p>She touched their noses together before she rolled off of him onto her back.</p><p>“That was a great way to wake up,” Ben stated, taking one of her hands and intertwining their fingers.</p><p>Her smile had a hint of a glare to it as she turned her head towards his, “Good morning to you too.”</p><p>Rolling on his side to her, his fingers caressed the space in between her breasts, “You like being on top, don’t you?”</p><p>She shrugged, trying to ignore how much she loved his soft touches down her body, “I like to be in charge, big surprise. You complaining?”</p><p>“Oh no no, far be it from me to find a problem with a beautiful woman grinding me so hard I swore I almost blacked out,” he crooned as a couple of seconds passed by, and then he pounced on top of her, trapping her arms above her and leaned down to her ear, “but next time I’m going to take you from behind. Next up on the itinerary.”</p><p>She whimpered, but she liked it and then squealed when he bit one of her nipples before getting off her completely, showing her that coveted ass going into her bathroom.</p><p>Leaning back on her pillows, she shook her head.</p><p>“Ben <em>fucking</em> Solo.” She whispered to herself.</p><p> </p><p>They had been in sort of a lover’s cocoon for the duration of the weekend, which they had aptly named their ‘fuck weekend’ as it involved a lot of time with their clothes off, and Rey honestly never thought she would be so blessed to have the opportunity with Ben. Now they were on her couch, semi dressed, sprawled out with their heads meeting in the middle. They had decided to take a break after Rey claimed that they should try and do another activity.</p><p>“I think you broke my lady parts.” She stated while they were still in her bed earlier. Honestly, she didn’t think that she had ever had sex that many times in a row. They had spent nearly two days fucking, sleeping, fucking, eating, fucking, and then would fuck again, completing all of the items on their list and then some.</p><p>Ben chuckled and grasped at her side, “I hope that’s in a good way.”</p><p>His head was under hers and she leaned down to kiss the top of it, “Of course it is. I’m just like, you know, <em>sore</em>.”</p><p>Sitting up a bit, Ben looked down at her body and observed all of the marks he had made all over her and traced them with his fingers, “I guess I could see that.”</p><p>He had a few as well that she had made, thank you very much, “How are you not?”</p><p>Lying back down, she saw him smile, “I might be a little…tapped out.”</p><p>Rey just nodded and closed her eyes.</p><p>“But I’m good to go again if you want.”</p><p>“Ben!”</p><p>“Just give me a few minutes,” he said, and Rey opened her eyes and the arm that was across her was now raised in the air, gesturing around. Rey nudged one of the places he had one of her marks and he groaned in pain, “or maybe like a few business days, and I’ll be set back to factory settings and ready to fuck you senseless again.”</p><p>She closed her eyes again, satisfied, “That’s what I thought.”</p><p>He laughed, “Pardon me for wanting to take advantage of sleeping with a beautiful lady as much as I can.”</p><p>Her own laughter came naturally; she couldn’t help it, “You know we can have sex on other future dates, right?”</p><p>It was undeniable how adorable his smile was when he looked up at her, like he really didn’t think that was going to be an option, “Really?”</p><p>Snorting, she shook her head, “What, did you think this was like only going to be for this weekend or something?”</p><p>He sighed and laid his head back down again, “No, well, I don’t know. I was <em>hoping</em> it wasn’t limited to it.”</p><p>Rey almost wanted to chide him for being so silly, but she sensed the undercurrents of sadness in his voice and decided to be sincere instead, stroking his cheek, “It is most certainly not. We will do it again. And again. We will do it so much that we will put horny teenagers to shame.”</p><p>His head lifted once more, and he was full on grinning at her. Then he was planting kisses all over her face and neck before he laid on his side and was smiling down at her, and a hand came up to caress the valley between her breasts, “On second thought, I think I only need a few minutes.”</p><p>This was <em>not </em>getting her hot again; that’s what she was telling herself, “B<em>eeyy</em>n, please! I think if you pound into me one more time I think I’m going to get a hernia or something.”</p><p>He grinned slightly and huffed, collapsing his head onto her chest, “Is it sad that still turned me on?”</p><p>She smiled, knowing him, “Was it the ‘pound into me’ part?”</p><p>He wrapped his arms around her and nodded, “Mm hmm.”</p><p>Rey sighed, laughing slightly, running her fingers through his hair, “You’re still incorrigible.”</p><p>His fingers drew circles on her hips, “Don’t act like you weren’t just as into it.”</p><p>Ben’s face looked up into her with a shit eating grin, and she glared down at him before laughing and throwing her head back, “How did I end up here with such an arrogant know-it-all?”</p><p>Chuckling, Ben started to raise his body over hers while he laid a kiss here and there on her body, “Was it the omelettes?” Then his lips were on her face.</p><p>She giggled and shook her head while he gently settled himself on top of her, “Yes, that is the <em>only </em>reason.”</p><p>His eyes met hers, and he was full on grinning at her. Then he was planting kisses all over her face and neck, “I knew my seduction technique would work eventually.” He whispered in her ear.</p><p>If only he had known how immediately it took effect. He could have seduced her from across the street without ever speaking a word to her. Actually, he <em>had </em>done that.</p><p>“Well, who doesn’t love a good slow burn?”</p><p>“That <em>is</em> how you cook omelettes.”</p><p>Before she could say anything in return, he was kissing her. Slowly at first, and then it turned into a few more frantic ones before he was pulling away from her.</p><p>“You’re an idiot,” Rey said, but she was smiling.</p><p>“Takes one to know one.”</p><p>Then he was kissing her again before she could probably hit him, and she sighed into it.</p><p>Now they were on her couch and he asked her if she wanted to keep playing Resident Evil VII. He took the controller off of the coffee table and started up her PS4. Before she knew it, Ethan was on the screen, and he was trying to find his way out of the small house that was on the property. She remembered the last time they had played this together, and just how frustrated she was with Ben because of how much she just wanted to kiss him. Their <em>moment </em>that she ruined. How far they had come from that.</p><p>She crawled up on top of him and laid her head on his chest.</p><p>The controller was above her head and he sighed, “Fuck I forgot we were stuck on this stupid bug bitch.”</p><p>Rey giggled and loved that he had adopted her nick name. She kissed his skin, “I believe in you.”</p><p>He beamed down at her before he started to play, and after his second try, he actually was able to beat her.</p><p>Rey sat up and fist pumped in the air, “Oh yeah, fuck you bug bitch!”</p><p>She was straddling him, and when she looked down at him, he was still beaming at her, “You’re adorable.” He admitted as his hands went under her shirt and settled on her hips.</p><p>Sometimes, really, sometimes this man took her ability to speak away from her. It again brought her back to the previous time and how she just went on the defense instead of just taking the compliment.</p><p>She huffed down at him and splayed her hands on his chest, “No, Ben, no!”</p><p>His confusion was apparent as he sat up and held onto her legs as he positioned himself under her, “And why not? You think I’m mocking you again?”</p><p>“<em>No</em>.” She said indignantly.</p><p>He started to kiss her neck with his hands moving to her hips again. She pulled away from him and stared at him with narrowed eyes, “Because that’s obviously <em>you </em>still.”</p><p>Letting out a breath and then moving his hands to her back, he held her closer, “Well you don’t have to sound so angry about it.”</p><p>Instead of using her words, she just took his face and kissed him, sucking in his lip and biting it in the process. He groaned and raised his hands up her back.</p><p>“I thought you wanted to try…other activities.”</p><p>“I do.”</p><p>“Then you’re going to have to stop that.”</p><p>She started to kiss his neck, “Stop what?”</p><p>He pressed his hardness up into her, “All of that. Everything you’re doing.”</p><p>It felt soar even as he did that and she sighed, “Okay.”</p><p>She looked over at the screen and saw that Ethan was just standing there waiting for one of them to make a move.</p><p>Pushing Ben back down, she took the controller and laid back to her side of the couch and sighed, feeling both conflicted and relieved that things did not go any farther. Her legs were on top of Ben’s, and eventually, he took one of her feet and began to rub it. His casual touch of her still felt so foreign to her in the most welcome of ways as he encouraged her while she played. If she weren’t already so spent because they had been fucking for about two days straight, she would have taken him right there on the couch. She then wondered how much they would ever get done with the other around, being too adorable to resist.</p><p>“I definitely need to add the window fucking to the itinerary by the way,” Ben said, and she looked over at him, pausing the game.</p><p>“We can’t <em>actually </em>fuck against the window Benjamin. We can’t subject Betty to that kind of debauchery.”</p><p>Ben crossed his arms over his chest and pouted, “Well then <em>don’t </em>put the image in my head Rey, that’s just <em>unfair</em>.”</p><p>She tilted her head at him, “And do you think <em>I</em> felt after waking up from that dream after I had spent the entire evening the night before being riled up by you via text while I had a date over here? <em>Hmm</em>?”</p><p>He smiled widely and shrugged, “That was fun…and hot. I can’t believe you just dangled you with another guy like right in front of me. I couldn’t help myself.”</p><p>Rey narrowed her eyes at him and scoffed, “Don’t you <em>even </em>Benjamin! You’re the one who <em>started </em>that whole Tinder bullshit!”</p><p>He scratched his head, smile gone, “Yeah, only because I genuinely thought I didn’t have a chance with you,” he admitted, throwing an arm out at her, “for Christ’s sake, you told me to go up to <em>another</em> girl and ask her out!”</p><p>Rey had a response ready, but it stopped before it escaped her mouth. Fair point, but he didn’t need to know that, “I-I <em>panicked </em>okay?! I had just told you I thought you were hot <em>and </em>you had pointed her out and I thought you were implying that you wanted to.”</p><p>He scoffed, “I was literally just mentioning her Rey you freaking idiot. I didn’t think it was going to instill so much paranoia, fuck!”</p><p>“Of <em>course </em>it did! You pointed her out and she was so pretty and blonde and—”</p><p>“Jesus Christ Rey, you’re like the most beautiful woman in the <em>world</em>, stop it!”</p><p>Rey paused again for a few moments, “Well I didn’t know you thought that! How was I supposed to!?”</p><p>Ben gaped at her, “Because <em>I’m </em>clearly an idiot too!”</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>, you are!”</p><p>It didn’t even feel like something that had much cognitive awareness, them lunging at each other, kissing each other furiously as Ben lowered her on the couch, hand already snaking up her shirt and kneading at her breast.</p><p>And as Rey thought about throwing caution to the wind and fuck being sore, she recalled how this was exactly what she wanted to happen the last time and they yelled at each other how adorable they were to one another. That was still true as Ben bit at her neck.</p><p>Poor Ethan was just going to have to wait for her to reunite him with Mia.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Holy SHIT I can literally never STFU about these idiots. I couldn't believe how long that chapter got; I just looooved writing about their fuck weekend so much that I couldn't help myself!!! Look at how fucking Soft™ they get to be now! And NAKED! OMFG aahhhh the DICK novel and the fucking sex itinerary. I fucking hate them. 🖋🍆🌮💻</p><p>LAWRD sorry like I mean TELL ME TO STOP IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT. And we love Rey's existential crisis in the bathroom right? Because despite being dicked down all night by Ben Solo she's still gotta be her Angsty lil feral self, our Reymond Angst Kenobi.</p><p>GOODNESS what a week to be a Reylo Swiftie, huh?? With Taylor just like fucking up our lives again with the surprise album Evermore, which I've listened to like 50,000 already, and Reylo being the number one OTP on tumblr??? Then all of those shows announced?? <s>But will we EVER get Ben back?? UGH.</s> Lol sorry for quoting Taylor again the bitch has taken over my life what can I say.</p><p>SMOOCHES to all of you guys. I legit love talking to y'all in these A/Ns. Sooooo WHAT is in store for these horny idiots??? Coming up in the 3rd season of ktbo...we've got extra softness, extra smut, extra EXTRANESS, gratuitous chicken fingers and dick novel writing, and of course some solving unresolved trauma and ongst...STAY TUNED LOVE YOU GUYS!!</p><p> <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/post/637428054945382400/here-it-is-another-ben-pov-this-is-from-this">Who wants another Ben POV???</a> It is to go in contingent with this chapter. Enjoyyy! MUAH!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you are really scared with your mouth up in the air<br/>Then try to breathe under the water through this tube<br/>How long do you think we can sit here<br/>Before we have to move?</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KjJNEqxepeU">Pool</a>” –Samia</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Rey woke up on Monday morning, her body completely and totally protested her, but she honestly did not care at all, thinking that every single second of the life altering weekend was <em>worth </em>it. She did still groan, however, because she still hated getting up in the morning always anyway and detested her phone’s existence as she snarled at it, reaching for it unseeingly, and pressing against whatever was necessary to turn the godforsaken thing off. Luckily, she always gave herself <em>plenty </em>of time to get out of bed because she knew she always took forever, so she intended to take full advantage of this. She sighed and tried closing her eyes for a few more moments of sleep…that is until she felt a series of kisses on her shoulder.</p><p>Oh, that’s right. She was sharing a bed with a behemoth now. It’s <em>why</em> her entire body felt like it was objecting her very being.</p><p>Ben’s arms wrapped themselves around her as he kept laying sloppy kisses all over her the expanse of her upper back. Her eyes opened in remonstration.</p><p>“<em>Ben</em>,” she bemoaned, “what are you doing?”</p><p>She felt his smile against her skin, “What, so what I am doing is all of a sudden <em>your </em>business?”</p><p>“Ughhh,” she pouted, “it <em>is </em>when you’ve decided to start making out with my shoulder the moment my alarm goes off.”</p><p>Ben made a tisking noise with his mouth, “Oh <em>I </em>see what’s going on here…you’re being a cranky.”</p><p>“I’m always a cranky.”</p><p>“Yes, but you’re being like, an <em>extra </em>cranky.”</p><p>She groaned again, “Look,” then she sighed, “I am not exactly <em>used </em>to having a big foot in my bed with me before I have to get ready for work, <em>alright</em>?”</p><p>“Hmm,” he hummed, still insisting on kissing her neck now, and really, this <em>wasn’t </em>working, “that’s not what you were like yesterday morning…<em>and</em> the morning before then when you woke up and rode me into a new plane of existence.”</p><p>Despite herself, a slight smile escaped her lips, “That was <em>different</em>…I didn’t have to be at work and I could just ride you all day without the worry of the real world crashing down on me.”</p><p>His lips were still on her skin and he breathed her in, “That sounds like <em>actual</em> heaven…you’re so good at fucking on top of me, <em>mmm</em>,” he whispered into her ear, “your perfect tits bouncing,” and Rey had a sharp intake of breath when his stiff cock rubbed up against her ass while Ben raised one of his hands to lightly caress one of her breasts, gentle and slow with his palm, “you’re so fucking <em>beautiful</em> Rey,” this was <em>not </em>working, no it truly wasn’t, her thoughts told her, but then his other hand snaked under her to join at her chest while the original hand left her breast to scale down her body, meeting with the apex of her thighs. A languid finger found her clit for a few moments before dipped into her, “your cunt is already so wet for me.”</p><p>It <em>hurt</em>, it truly did, but Rey was almost too drunk on pleasure to care because Ben was honestly too good at this.</p><p>He was pressing at her clit again as his other hand was still softly grasping at her chest with just the right amount of pressure on both ends. Then there were two fingers inside of her, and she felt herself bucking into his hand as she reached behind her to grab at his scalp.</p><p>“Do you want me to fuck you Rey?” He asked headily in her ear, licking behind it.</p><p>Her breath came up short, and she pressed her head against his shoulder, “Yes.”</p><p>“Hmm,” he purred, his fingers scissoring inside of her, “like this?”</p><p>While it felt amazing, she knew it wasn’t going to be enough, “N-no.”</p><p>“Then tell me how you want me to fuck you,” he commanded, fingers nearly leaving her, and she actually felt her thighs press together on their own accord to keep him there, which caused him to chuckle, the bastard, “use your words Rey…<em>say </em>it.”</p><p>She exhaled shakily as one of his fingers, now coated in her wetness, was at her clit again, swirling around; the extra slickness and ministration caused her to cry out, but she held it together just enough to tell him, “I want you to fuck me with your cock Ben.”</p><p>“Hmm, <em>good</em>,” he declared, kissing her shoulder, and then his fingers did leave her; she whimpered before he grabbed her leg and lifted backwards over his. Then Rey felt him grasp his length, aligning himself with her as it just barely touched her entrance. She actually felt herself trembling.</p><p>He kissed her neck again, “Is this what your delectable cunt wants?”</p><p>Her breaths were coming out in spurts now, “<em>Fuck</em>, yes Ben!”</p><p>His smile was against her shoulder again, and then he pushed himself fully into her, and his thrusts came in slow as his hips met hers.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>,” Rey bellowed turning her head to meet with his jaw, “<em>mmm</em>.”</p><p>The hand that had been inside of her reached to steady her on her lower stomach as he continued to grind in her leisurely, his breath hot in her ear.</p><p>“Being inside you Rey, is like an out of body experience. You make my cock feel like it’s…<em>mmm</em>…it’s actually going to heaven.”</p><p>Her fingers were still in his scalp, and she careened over his length, pushing back on him, which produced a groan, “Yeah?”</p><p>“<em>Oh </em>yes,” he breathed, still thrusting into her with unhurried, yet deep motions, “you are the most incredible thing I’ve been inside and I never want to leave.”</p><p>His hips, rutting against her ass and his soft moans behind added to her own motions, returning his thrusts with her own on him, hoping to elicit more, <em>more </em>from him because she could never have enough. She tugged on his hair again. His breath hitched. The leg over his tightened around him. The hand at her breast clutched her even closer to him while the other still kept her in place as his length continued to grind into her, over and over, her breaths now synchronizing with his.</p><p>“<em>Ben</em>,” she whispered, still absolutely amazed at how close she felt to him when they were here, in this place of passion and utmost intimacy, “tell me—tell me more.”</p><p>It was an unexpected thought that caused the muscles in her stomach to contract as his hand gripped her still. Where was this even coming from? Since when did she need that sort of validation?</p><p>“<em>Oh Rey</em>,” Ben murmured, “<em>oh Rey</em>, you <em>must know</em>,” he breathed as his nose dove behind her ear, “<em>I</em> didn’t even know I—could feel this way…that <em>this </em>could feel this way…you’re <em>divine </em>your pussy is <em>divine</em>, and I’m lucky to even be here—with you.”</p><p>He thrusted a couple more times at a more rapid rate, which barely gave her enough time to process his words before her breaths were coming up short again, “<em>Ben</em>,” she clamored with her eyebrows furrowed, “Ben, no—<em>please</em>…you’re here—I need you here—I <em>need </em>you to—”</p><p>His hips pounding faster and faster as the hand on her stomach raised to tuck hair behind her ear, “What? What is it? Anything I’ll do anything for you Rey.”</p><p>“Just—” she breathed, hand at his scalp now reaching for the hand at her breast as she intertwined their fingers, “be with me.”</p><p>He moaned with an exhale as his other hand traveled back down her body, “I’m right here…” he pushed into her again and again, “I’m <em>right here Rey</em>. I’m not going anywhere. Do you know that? Do you understand?”</p><p>His voice, a mixture of sounding desperate and heady, a low gravely tone that made her eyes roll into the back of her head, “Yes—<em>yes Ben</em>—I’m…I’m right here too.”</p><p>Now she felt him smile into her skin, kissing the back of her ear as his fingers lowered and lowered to her clit, working over her again and again as his thrusts came in droves, “Then finish for me Rey, please finish. Finish on my cock I need to feel your beautiful cunt all around me.”</p><p>She was breathing harshly, and she wanted to. She wanted to come all over him shamelessly and determinedly, so as his deft fingers hit a particular angle that made her stomach spasm again, she breathed out and nodded, “Right there, keep going <em>right there Ben</em>.”</p><p>His finger stayed in its position, rubbing at her again harshly, “There?”</p><p>“Yes, please <em>yes</em>.”</p><p>He kept at it, his other hand tightening at their clasped hands, “Finish oh yes, <em>finish </em>on me you <em>divine woman</em>.”</p><p>And as his finger pressed down, rapidly beating at the nub over and over, she felt it, the climax coming, and then it was there as she felt her breaths shorten, and she clutched Ben even harder, “<em>Oh</em> yes Rey, it feels <em>so</em>—so much—” Ben exasperated in her ear.</p><p>When she had finished riding on the high of her orgasm, Ben flipped her on her stomach as he continued thrusts and intertwined their hands together on either side of her head, working into her as she still tried to meet his, despite how spent she felt.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>, I’m almost there.” He declared, and then he lowered himself to her, giving a few resolute thrusts as one hand grabbed her hip. Then Ben was grunting with his orgasm, his body shuddering above her.</p><p>Breathing in and out a couple of times, he then flipped them over again so he was on his back with Rey on top of him. He kissed the shell of her ear and hummed into it, “<em>You</em>. God Rey. I can’t…I can’t <em>even</em>…”</p><p>Rey smiled, even giving a small laugh as they basked in their matching labored breathing. She grabbed one of his hands and kissed it, “And here <em>you </em>are…seducing me into a better mood you <em>prick</em>. You couldn’t just let me be cranky.”</p><p>His laughter shook her body, and his other hand raised to trace circles on her hip, “So…my plan worked? Is the gremlin a little less cranky?”</p><p>Rey laughed again, now grabbing both his hands and smacked them to her face, which completely encompassed the whole thing, “<em>No</em>.”</p><p>Fingers tapped over her skin, “<em>Hmm</em>,” Ben hummed, “then I wonder…what <em>could</em>.”</p><p>Rey had one chance to breathe in before the gears clicked in her head, and then his hands were roaming all over her relentlessly as he shouted “Chicken fingers!” over and over.</p><p>She was laughing; she was <em>wheezing</em>, trying to roll out of his grasp, “Ben! Oh my <em>god </em>stop!”</p><p>Rey had managed to roll to her side, but he was still all over her, “Do you surrender?”</p><p>Her giggles were making it hard for her to fill her lungs, “<em>Fuck</em>! Fine, yes, I surrender!”</p><p>His fingers immediately stopped and he planted his face to the back of her head, kissing it, “You can <em>never</em> escape them.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, she lay there for a few seconds before she sat up, turning to face him for the first time this morning, and he was giving her a stupid doe like expression, which she pushed past in order to contemplate her devious plan. She raised a hand to his chest, “You know Benjamin, I think I discovered something about you this weekend.”</p><p>He smiled with a raised eyebrow, “I think you discovered a <em>lot </em>about me this weekend Rey, so what exactly are you referring to?”</p><p>“Hm,” she said, “well, besides your apt skills in the bedroom and your relentless libido and stamina,” she purred, lowering herself to kiss his lips, “you have an unsurprisingly amazing body,” her hand traveled down it to emphasize her point.</p><p>“Uh…huh, okay, your body is perfect, what’s your point?”</p><p>“This isn’t about me! Just <em>listen </em>for once in your life!” She exclaimed, and he shut promptly shut his mouth and nodded as her hand was on his hip now, and she lowered herself even more next to him, leaning forward to whisper in his ear, “and you’ve got a…very important feature,” she whispered, hand sinking closer to his privates, tracing down it gently and he shuddered, “on your dick.”</p><p>He breathed in, eyebrows furrowed and his mouth formed a line, “Are you…talking about the mole on my dick?”</p><p>She nodded vigorously.</p><p>“You…<em>like </em>it?”</p><p>She nodded again.</p><p>He gave an unsure smile, “<em>Why</em>? It’s just a mole on my dick—”</p><p>Rey silenced him with a finger, “<em>Excuse </em>me Solo, you are <em>not </em>allowed to question why I enjoy something on your body or anything about you in general, and that <em>especially </em>includes your dick mole, alright?”</p><p>He smiled slowly behind the finger that was still against his mouth and kissed it, “Fair enough.”</p><p>Nodding, she smiled back, her hand scaling across his body again, “<em>And</em>, I have suspected something else about you that is just <em>begging </em>for attention.”</p><p>His smirk grew, “And what’s that?”</p><p>Rey felt like she almost couldn’t contain herself, “<em>You</em>, Benjamin Anakin Solo, must be hungry.”</p><p>His clear and utter confusion caused him to balk at her, “Wait, what?”</p><p>Her hand found the place where she suspected he was ticklish on his back, and realization hit is eyes, “<em>Rey</em>—”</p><p>And then she was shouting chicken fingers at <em>him</em>, fingers racing all over his sensitive skin as he let out a bark of laughter and recoiled at her, “Rey—” he got out between guffaws, “<em>Rey</em>, please, <em>no</em>!”</p><p>“This is <em>payback</em>! You <em>had </em>to know it would come to this with the chicken fingers!” She yelled as he tried slinking away from her as she continued to chant it.</p><p>“Ahha—I—<em>fuck</em>—” he tried, unsuccessfully escaping her as he continued to try and roll away from her, “I was—haha—hoping you’d <em>never </em>find out—ahaha my secret!”</p><p>“It’s my<em> job </em>to know every square inch of your body now Solo!” She yelled, “So do you surrender to the chicken fingers?!”</p><p>He was still giggling, but shook his head, “No! <em>Never</em>!”</p><p>Rey wouldn’t seize her attack, so she hadn’t even noticed how far to the end of the bed they had gotten until Ben had moved to get away from her again, causing him to roll and fall off of it entirely. Rey gasped and held her mouth, dipping over the edge to see him face down on the floor.</p><p>“<em>Ow</em>.” He said, face muffled by the ground.</p><p>“Oh my god Ben are you okay?! I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize we were so close to the edge of the bed!”</p><p>He wheezed and then lifted his head off the ground, “Alright Kenobi, you win this round…I surrender.”</p><p>She breathed in, feeling horrible now, “Ben! Please tell me you’re alright!”</p><p>He managed to turn over and nod, “I think I’m okay,” he said, then looking over at her, “but…do you think…my dick mole is alright?”</p><p>Rey let out a giggle, despite her concern for her sasquatch, “I bet it’s absolutely fine, but I think we’ll have to double check with Ben Dickens.”</p><p>Lifting his head, he addressed said penis, “You good buddy?” And then he threw back his head on the ground, “He said him and the dick mole are gonna be okay.”</p><p>Rey frowned and stood up off the bed, “Well, that is a <em>big </em>relief,” she smiled, offering Ben her hand.</p><p>He looked up at her, eyes scanning all over her body, “I like this view.”</p><p>She scoffed and honestly started to wonder how she was going to help this giant off the floor, but before she could see this to fruition, he was grabbing her hand and pulling her on top of him.</p><p>“Mmm, <em>much </em>better,” he declared, wrapping his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, “but watch the dick mole…”</p><p>She snorted, “Well of <em>course</em>. It is a precious commodity.”</p><p>He laughed, and she felt a little better now that he really seemed okay, but she still was a little guilty, “I really am sorry Ben.”</p><p>Chuckling now, he rubbed his arms up and down her back, “It’s okay…I wouldn’t have you any other way than to go undeniably grievous on me, my little feral gremlin.” He admitted, which made Rey smile.</p><p>She rested her chin on his chest, “So…you wouldn’t want a docile gremlin?”</p><p>Actually grimacing, he shook his head forcefully, “Oh, absolutely not! Not <em>nearly</em> as fun. How in the world would a docile gremlin cause me to face plant on the floor naked before I’ve even had any coffee?” He posed to her as he ran a hand through her hair, “Though uh,” he cleared his throat, “you <em>should</em> probably apologize to Mr. Dickens too. He’ll need his strength to write that novel.”</p><p>Giggling, she titled her body and looked down in the penis’ direction, “I am <em>so sorry </em>Mr. Ben Dickens, my sincerest apologies.”</p><p>Ben was rubbing at her upper shoulders now, “Hmm, he might uh, need more of a <em>hands on </em>apology if you know what I mean.”</p><p>She smacked his chest, “Ben!”</p><p>“Oh hey, I don’t think he’s picky…he’d take an oral apology too.”</p><p>“Oh my god <em>stop</em>!” Rey tittered.</p><p>“Or hey, maybe you know a nice lady you could introduce him to.” He suggested, and then emphasized with a brief thrust of his hips while he waggled his eyebrows at her.</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, but on the inside, she felt herself burning for this big dumb man, “I <em>think</em>…perhaps…whomst you had in mind…they’ve already met. Like probably even a hundred times at this point.”</p><p>He smirked, “Oh <em>damn</em>, that’s right…well, I guess you’re just going to have to introduce them again. Just to make sure.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “Alright, I’ll…schedule something. How does next Tuesday sound?”</p><p>There was a slow smile that formed on his face as his head still lay against the floor, “Alright then, see you next Tuesday.”</p><p>Then Ben’s head lifted slightly, “<em>Or</em>, they can just meet now.”</p><p>Goodness, he really didn’t have an off switch, “Ben, we <em>cannot </em>fuck again. We have to go to work!”</p><p>He groaned, grasping onto her once more, “I don’t want to go to work! There’s no naked Rey Kenobi there.”</p><p>Briefly, Rey shook with a guffaw and rolled her eyes, still amazed their one joint brain cell had any functioning abilities at all, “Come on Benji! We <em>can</em> do this. We can be functioning adults. I believe in us!”</p><p>She then sat up, realizing that getting some good dick in the morning was probably the best way she had ever woken up. It did more for her than any amount of green tea or coffee ever could.</p><p>He sighed, nodding, and pushed himself off the ground and cradled her in his lap, kissing her tenderly.</p><p>Rey breathed him in, also completely in pieces that their fuck weekend was officially over, but there was always next weekend.</p><p>“And besides,” Rey said to him, lifting his chin to her, “there’s a naked Rey Kenobi here, and…she probably wants some company in the shower.”</p><p>He beamed at her.</p><p>Their first shower together wasn’t as erotic as she thought it would be as it involved actual shower necessities, the two of them bickering over who got to use the water, Ben judging her toiletries, claiming that her choices were subpar—which was true because she usually just went with whatever was the cheapest most of the time—and nearly had a conniption when she told him she didn’t have any face wash.</p><p>“<em>What </em>do you <em>mean </em>you don’t have any face wash? What do you wash your face with?” He asked incredulously, his hair still full of shampoo, barely able to fit under her showerhead after he had to scrunch down to get any of the stream.</p><p>She shrugged, “Um…just like my body wash?”</p><p>Ben actually held a hand up to his mouth, “<em>Reymond</em>, that is <em>not </em>for your face! That kind of soap <em>much </em>too harsh for your poor beautiful countenance—what skin type do you have?”</p><p>Rey swore he was going to faint when she shrugged, which cause him to bury his face in her shoulder, “I thought I <em>knew </em>you.”</p><p>She raised her hand to his wet hair, “Sorry to disappoint you, your highness.”</p><p>Sighing he kissed her shoulder before lifting it to look into her eyes, cradling her face with his hands and kissed her mouth, “You haven’t disappointed me,” he whispered, and then held her close. Her eyes closed and she snuggled into him, “You…don’t use sunscreen every day, do you?”</p><p>Rey lifted her arms and wrapped them around him, and hummed, “I think you know the answer to that Benjamin.”</p><p>He shook his head above her, and then looked like he was going to faint again when she told him he could put a skincare routine together for her if he really wanted, and then he kissed her into the wall.</p><p>When they were toweling off, Rey was realizing that her previous theory was true. Ben <em>did</em> just make all towels look tiny.</p><p>They were kissing after Rey secured hers around herself, her arms lifting around his neck when his fell to the ground without even much jostling around.</p><p>“Whoops.” He whispered into her mouth, his erection pressing into her stomach. Rey looked down at it, still such a wonder to be seen, but he shifted against her, “I know we don’t have time. Just ignore it.”</p><p>Rey kept her eyes on it anyway, and almost wanted to sigh. It was just so perfect. Her hand traced down his body, eyes zeroing in on that mole she coveted so much and booped it with her finger.</p><p>She felt Ben’s hands on her upper arms, “Rey, did you just <em>boop</em> my dick mole?”</p><p>Rey clasped her hands against her chest, and looked up at him through her eyelashes, batting them a few times, “<em>Maybe</em>.”</p><p>He sighed, grasping her, and kissed her mouth passionately, “Why are you the most fucking adorable person on the <em>planet</em>?”</p><p>Funny, she always thought that was him.</p><p>They didn’t have much time for breakfast. Ben just made her some quick scrambled eggs as she got changed for work, and soon enough, she was saying goodbye to him at her door because he had to inevitably leave to walk R2 and change himself. They were kissing, making out really, for several minutes, his arms around her middle and hers around his neck again. She <em>really </em>didn’t want to go to work now. Rey had barely less than an hour to get there, but honestly, morning traffic wasn’t even a concern to her when Ben’s tongue was here.</p><p>“Mm,” Ben murmured into her mouth, “okay, I really have to go.”</p><p>Rey pouted at him, and he groaned, “No, <em>please </em>don’t make that face. Then I’ll never be able to leave.”</p><p>She lifted herself on her toes and kissed him again, “Good.”</p><p>Then he was on her mouth again, and Rey, in all of her life, had never felt so entirely disgusting and completely accepting of it. This man, truly this man was going to entirely fuck up her whole life, and something told her that he had the moment he walked through his doorway.</p><p>Her hands moved to his face as she kissed him. He pulled away and she knew what that meant. Before he could go, though, she had to tell him something, “Ben, real quick.”</p><p>His lips ghosted over hers, “What is it?”</p><p>“I—” she attempted, then shook her head, “I actually didn’t tell Rose about us.”</p><p>The rate at which Ben’s face fell before her eyes made her break slightly, “Oh…is it because you don’t want to actually—”</p><p>“What?! <em>No</em>!” Rey stopped him, rushing at his mouth before she spoke again, “To <em>whatever </em>was going to come out of that pretty mouth of yours, <em>no</em>,” Ben’s eyes still looked sad, so she had to explain herself, “I—I didn’t tell her because I don’t know…I kind of wanted it to just be you and I for a minute. You know? Before we tell everyone and they all are smug and gross about it. Does that make sense?”</p><p>He gave her a small smile and kissed her again, “If that means I get you all to myself for a minute, then I’m all in.”</p><p>She nodded, beaming up at him, “And plus, think about how much we can fuck with them when we <em>do </em>tell them.”</p><p>Smirking and shaking his head, he sighed, “I love how your devious little mind works,” he whispered as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, and then he tilted his head, eliciting his own devious smile, “so…fuck week?”</p><p>Rey nodded her head to him slightly as if it were the most obvious answer in the world, “Fuck week!”</p><p>Then his mouth was on hers again, and Rey sincerely thought the few minutes she was late to work was something she was willing to risk entirely.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was trying, genuinely <em>trying </em>to act like a normal person at work. Trying to sit at her desk, like she hadn’t been dicked down by Ben Solo for the past seventy-two hours. Like she <em>didn’t </em>have bite marks and hickeys all over her body under her clothes, and that her vagina wasn’t soar in the most satisfying way she had ever experienced.</p><p>Her head was most <em>certainly</em> focusing on this microwave and <em>not </em>everything about Ben. His lips, his muscles, his hair, his nose, his moles, his laugh, his voice, his dick, his body moving over hers as she scratched his back. <em>No</em>, she most definitely was not ruminating on all of these things <em>at all</em>.</p><p>For a few minutes, Rey felt like she had actually made some real progress when her eyes flicked up to the post-it note on her lamp that said ‘Work Wives Save Lives!’ from Jess, but the cute little sentiment from her work bestie just made her think of all the post-its she had from Ben stashed in her nightstand drawer, and all of a sudden, his voluptuous ass came into the forefront of her brain and she actually threw everything on her table down, “Goddammit!”</p><p>“I knowwww, these are like really frustrating me today too,” Jess said behind her, “I don’t think I ever want to use a microwave again to be honest.”</p><p>Rey was rubbing at her temples with the thought of Ben’s cheeks, that <em>yes</em>, had just as many enticing moles all over them, stuck in her head, “<em>Tell </em>me about it.”</p><p>Jess slid her chair over to her and looked over Rey’s work, “Damn Kenobi, you really must be distracted today. You’ve barely started on the electrical compartment.”</p><p>She sighed, “I know. My head’s just not in it today.”</p><p>“Are you feeling okay?” Jess asked, voice full of concern.</p><p>“I’m—I’m okay. Just a little exhausted.” And soar, <em>so</em> goddamn soar, but she just couldn’t manage to simply <em>not</em> have sex with Ben. Was she just going to be soar forever now?</p><p>“You seemed really flustered when you came late today.”</p><p>Rey nodded, “Thanks for covering for me with Ackbar by the way.”</p><p>Jess nudged her shoulder, “Of course girl! What are work wives for?”</p><p>She smiled, loving that they had started to call themselves that.</p><p>Standing up and stretching above Rey’s station, Jess continued to survey her work and picked up one of her screwdrivers, “Damn Rey, I think it’s about time you got some new tools. These look like they’ve seen better days.”</p><p>Rey glared at her grasping her phillips head from her, “Hey! I resent that! These are my old faithfuls.”</p><p>They giggled together, and it felt nice to have some levity. Jess looked at her.</p><p>“Is it just one of those days where you start off on the wrong foot, and you never really seem to catch up?” Jess asked her.</p><p><em>No</em>, it had most certainly started off in the <em>best</em> way possible with Ben thrusting into her from behind, occasioning yet another fantastic orgasm, and the fact that she wasn’t currently in bed with him was the problem. Goodness, she really did have a Ben addiction.</p><p>“Y-yeah, something like that.”</p><p>She looked over at Jess, who was smiling at her, “Tell you what, why don’t you take an early lunch? I’ll try to figure these damn things out and give you the down low when you get back.”</p><p>Rey shook her head, “No, <em>no </em>Jess, you don’t have to do that.”</p><p>Jess held up a hand, “Hey, it’s not like you’re not going to return the favor for when I’m having an off day, alright?”</p><p>Smiling now, Rey felt better about it if she got to do that, “Alright Pava. Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’ll try to get my head screwed back on while I get some food into my system.”</p><p>Okay, maybe she shouldn’t think about screwing.</p><p>She was at her favorite shawarma place down the street, sitting at one of the tables and happy to have a second to herself. As she chewed at her meal, she began to wonder if Ben was having the same struggles as her. When she checked her phone, she immediately got her answer with about ten texts from Ben. And they were still coming in.</p><p>
  <strong>I can’t stop thinking about the freckles on your nose.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or your adorable giggle.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or the way you eat food like an unrelenting little gremlin.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or the way you passionately play video games.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or the way you kiss me when you think I’ve fallen asleep in bed next to you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or the way I get to hold your body and feel your soft skin while it’s perfectly flush with mine.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or the way you moan when I push inside of you.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or your beautiful tits bouncing in my face.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or your perfect ass as I grasp it in my hands.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or your transcendent pussy gripped around my cock.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Or that I get to tell you how important SPF is every day and you’ll still bicker with me even when we’re naked.</strong>
</p><p>Rey felt her body and soul absolutely and fully <em>soar </em>while reading these, just getting to see what was going on the inside of Ben’s head. The complete journey he was having. It made her sigh, and she found that that Victorian woman given to the vapors was still taking residence inside of her too. She <em>had</em> to say something to him.</p><p>
  <strong>I can’t stop thinking about you either.</strong>
</p><p>She didn’t know if she knew how to espouse a goddamn novel like Ben Dickens, but she still wanted him to be aware of her constant cogitations on him too.</p><p>
  <strong>Yeah?</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yeah.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Oh thank god it’s not just me.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Of course it’s not. I can’t even concentrate on my work because I just kept thinking about clapping them Ben cheeks. Jess even told me to take an early lunch because I was so out of it.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Fuck Rey, you just made me giggle like a school girl.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yeah, Daniella and Marisol can tell there’s something off with me. They even asked if I got laid or something.</strong>
</p><p>Daniella was one of his paralegals, and Marisol was the receptionist for the firm he worked for. He had told her in the past that they liked to give him shit about everything. Like how grumpy he was or what girls he was dating and whatnot.</p><p><strong>🤣</strong> <strong>🤣</strong> <strong>🤣</strong><strong> Did you tell them, yes in fact. I probably unloaded about an actual ton of semen this weekend.</strong></p><p>
  <strong>Lol, yes Rey. I in fact went into graphic detail about how I fucked you until my balls were screaming they simply couldn’t produce. Anymore. And I thought my dick was going to turn inside out.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I cc’d them on the sex itinerary.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Well, naturally. I expect that they’d want to be on the up and up about Ben Solo’s sexcapades.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>Yes, most certainly.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>God, I know it sounds ridiculous because it’s only been a few hours, but I can’t wait to come home tonight.</strong>
</p><p>Rey sighed. She had completely ignored her lunch and leaned on her hand, feeling like a goofy person hyped up on laughing gas.</p><p>
  <strong>It’s not ridiculous. I can’t wait either.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>I can’t wait to come home to you Rey.</strong>
</p><p>She sighed, putting down her phone for a second. How was she supposed to function properly when Ben Solo was clearly insisting that she wasn’t going to? Rey attempted to compose herself for a minute or so before she picked her phone back up and saw there was another text from Ben.</p><p>
  <strong>Okay beautiful, I really have to try and finish this deposition. I’ll see you tonight ☺️</strong>
</p><p>Rey breathed in, and almost felt tears in her eyes. <em>This </em>was exactly the kind of thing that made her feel those cracks against her face, cutting at her skin.</p><p>
  <strong>Okay Benji. I’ll see you tonight </strong>
  <strong>😚</strong>
</p><p>And it was that thought of coming home to Ben that enabled her to finish her lunch with a smile, and actually finish the workday without too many other distractions.</p><p>
  <strong>
    
  </strong>
</p><p>On a complete and utter whim, Rey randomly decided that she was going to go grocery shopping on the way home because she decided she really wanted to make Ben dinner. It wasn’t going to be fancy, but she thought she could take advantage of getting done early. Jess had made some excellent headway when she was at lunch, and Rey came back with much more motivation knowing the faster they got done, the faster she could leave. She was almost sprinting to her car after she was done looking up recipes on her phone.</p><p>She wanted to surprise Ben, she wanted to make him feel as good as he always made her. And sometimes she didn’t always have the words like he did, so she wanted to show him in other ways. After walking up and down the aisles of the store, she was satisfied with her selections and picked up a wine that said paired well with the meal. She hoped it would be good enough.</p><p>Rey changed really fast and fed Bebe when she got home from work and walked R2 when she got to Ben’s. She was practically bouncing on her heels for R2 to go faster, so she could at least be mostly done with the meal by the time Ben got home. It even made her feel guilty not to allow him to smell all the typical bushes he liked on their walk back to Ben’s building.</p><p>“Sorry boy! We’ve got to get working on this meal before your daddy gets home.” She informed him as if he could understand her and he were going to assist her as she gently yanked on his leash.</p><p>Settling on a simple chicken dish with an even simpler wine sauce, it about as much as her cooking skills could handle along with some asparagus spears she had picked up.</p><p>Rey was chopping furiously, she was tasting everything, and she barely recognized herself. By the time the chicken was in the oven and everything else was prepped, she was pacing around his apartment like a madwoman in pure, in pure giddy anticipation.</p><p>Ben had informed her before he was stuck in traffic on the 110, <em>typical</em>, so she was trying to busy herself with his plants. She wanted to check up on the one she had just gotten him anyway.</p><p>She filled up the watering can and was happy to be focused on a task. This new addition was Asia, the non-binary Echeveria or ‘Afterglow’ succulent that she had bought Ben to break up the sausage fest in here. Rey was semi convinced that she just kept buying Ben plants so she could just have more to take care of. She looked over Asia, and then all of the rest of the plants, stopping on Barry.</p><p>“Hey there my problem child,” she joked, pouring a few needed droplets over him, “you still in an existential crisis?”</p><p>Laughing to herself, she thought of all the things she and Ben had made up Barry going through in their never ending stupid joke over their plants. All of the anguish, the fights with Rebecca, and how he just wanted to go over there and say hi. While she laughed, shaking her head over the whole thing, she stopped dead in her tracks because something occurred to her, and she realized that she was such a goddamn idiot.</p><p><em>B</em>arry and <em>R</em>ebecca.</p><p>She and Ben had been joking about themselves all along. They really were <em>morons</em>.</p><p>Rey held a hand over her mouth and exhaled, truly wanting to laugh and cry at the same time.</p><p>Then Rey heard the lock start to click behind her, which caused her almost another fit because Ben was finally home. She put down the watering can and stepped over to the middle of the room to greet him, her heart beating faster than a humming bird’s wings.</p><p>When the door opened, Ben’s eyes immediately widened to hers and she sucked in a breath. They looked at each other for a few moments before he closed the door behind him, dropping his satchel on the floor, and they sprang at each other, Rey jumping in his arms before they were kissing. They were kissing, kissing earnestly and passionately like they hadn’t seen each other in months even though it had only been hours, and then he was spinning them around. Rey truly hadn’t even known this sort of ache for a person was even real. That people in the movies were always stupid and idiotic for being so sappy over another human being.</p><p>Now she knew she was even stupider than all of those fictional characters. And from the way Ben returned her resolve, something told her so was he.</p><p>Her feet still hadn’t met the ground, and it felt like several minutes before he set her down.</p><p>“I didn’t expect you to be here waiting for me Rey. You just made my whole fucking <em>year</em>.” Ben whispered to her and kissed her again. Her hands lifted to his face as he did.</p><p>Then he was pulling away and smelled in the air, eyes darting to the kitchen, “Are you…making me <em>dinner</em>?”</p><p>She nodded, rubbing her lips together, “Well I’m <em>trying</em>. I…just wanted to do something nice for you. I can’t guarantee it will be as good as your food—”</p><p>Her words were cut off by his mouth, his extreme inhale against her before it was off her again, “I don’t fucking care if you made us grilled cheeses that you burned to a crisp Rey…you’re—you’re seriously going to make my heart burst out of my chest or go into cardiac arrest.”</p><p>Giggling, she grinned up at him, “I am…<em>familiar </em>with the feeling.”</p><p>He kissed her and kissed her and kissed her, and then pulled away sighing and touched their foreheads together, “You are the most wonderful goddamn person on this planet and I count myself lucky every day to even know you.”</p><p>Rey almost felt tears in her eyes, “Oh Ben, it’s just chicken.”</p><p>He sighed against her, combing his fingers through her hair, “No Rey, it’s not just the chicken.”</p><p>Hugging herself to his chest so he wouldn’t see her tears, she sighed against him too. They held each other for a minute or so, and then he said he wanted to change, so naturally, she scanned him up and down as he pulled her to his bedroom.</p><p>She sat on his bed and realized this was the first time she had ever seen him in a suit up close, and this one was certainly a winner. All black even down to the tie. So Ben. Her hot suit boy.</p><p>“Wait, Ben.” She said without thinking.</p><p>He paused loosening his tie next to his dresser.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>She sighed, legs swinging over the bed, “Just…wait there a second.”</p><p>He stood there, bewildered look on his face and raised an eyebrow while Rey’s eyes scanned shamelessly all over him. Then she was raising a finger at him for him to turn around.</p><p>Then the look of realization hit him. Then he was smirking down at the floor, and placed his hands in his pockets, compiling with her request. Goodness, he should know she wants to stare at him all of the time no matter what.</p><p>He was now backing up towards her, his ass right up next to her, “Is <em>this </em>what you want Rey?”</p><p>She nodded and spanked him, “Oh <em>god </em>yes. I’ve been waiting a long time to see you in one of these up this close.”</p><p>He laughed, and then shook around, even raising his arms to clap in the air as he spoke “Well—there—you—<em>go</em>!”</p><p>Then Rey was giggling again, clutching her arms around him and understood the appeal of the gratuitous ass appreciation.</p><p>He turned in her grasp, and she was straining her neck to look all the way up at him and he smiled, “I do still have to take it off, you know.”</p><p>She waggled her eyebrows at him, “Oh <em>I </em>know.”</p><p>Ben leaned all the way down to kiss her before he stood back up, loosening his tie above her and she bit her lip.</p><p>And Ben had only managed to also slowly remove his suit jacket in front of her before the stupid timer for the oven started going off on her phone.</p><p>“<em>Fucking </em>hell.” She cursed, and Ben smiled deviously.</p><p>“You better go check on that.”</p><p>She crossed her arms and pouted, “But I don’t want to miss the show.”</p><p>He chuckled, “You’re acting as if there won’t be plenty more.”</p><p>Rey stood indignantly, pointing a finger at him, “Don’t <em>even</em> Benjamin. You gargantuan <em>dummy</em>!”</p><p>He was still keeping eye contact with her as he continued to unbutton his shirt, paying her aggression no mind, “I mean, we don’t want to ruin the lovely dinner you’ve so kindly prepared for me, now would we?”</p><p>She hadn’t realized that he was backing her against the wall until her back hit his open door. Rey narrowed her eyes at him as he gradually dipped his shoulders out of his shirt, letting it fall to the floor.</p><p>“You’re not even playing <em>fair</em>, ugh!” She exclaimed as she shoved him off of her, and then backed away from his room while still eyeing him. Barely even able to concentrate on getting her mitts on and opening the oven because Ben was still keeping fervent eye contact with her as he was biting his lip and undoing his belt in the doorway.</p><p>She still kept his gaze as she took the chicken out of the oven, successfully not ruining it somehow and closed it. Then she marched straight back over to him and kissed him by the time his pants were falling to the floor too. He lifted her up and kissed her back, legs wrapped around him and he slammed her down on the bed while he still stood above her, taking himself out of his pants completely, and then he was pulling her to the edge as her arms above her head trailed behind her, staring completely wide eyed at him, unknowing where he was going this.</p><p>Their eye contact didn’t break as he undressed her from the bottom, and after she helped him along as he removed her clothes, he was lowering himself in front of her, kneeling next to the bed and throwing her legs over her shoulders. It was like her pupils were glued to his as his mouth lowered to her cunt, kissing at it slowly.</p><p>“Been waiting to taste your cunt all day.” He whispered before he licked at her, all the way up to her clit.</p><p>Her breath hitched as he continued his beautiful work over her. Certainly, their fuck week was only beginning. The chicken could wait.</p><p> </p><p>Ben helped her salvage the meal after the impromptu cunnilingus followed by fucking at the end of the bed, him having to lift her legs and support her so she could actually reach him. Rey should have found it hilarious that they would be able to contain themselves.</p><p>They sat at the table and Ben held her hand as he finished cutting up his food, “This looks amazing. I still can’t believe you cooked me dinner.” He claimed as he lifted her hand to kiss it.</p><p>She smirked at him, “For real Ben, it isn’t a crazy Michelin Five Star meal over here.”</p><p>He took his first bite and sighed, eventually smiling back after he swallowed, “It is to me.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They had decided that they were going to tell Finn and Rose about them at brunch at the end of their fuck week, that of which would be hosted at Ben’s.</p><p>And they had certainly made the most of it. Trying nearly every position they could think of, fucking each other on every square inch of their apartments with those blinds closed of course. Fucking in the shower, up against the sink, on the kitchen counter, on top of the dining table, over the couch, on the floor next to the couch. It was like Rey couldn’t stop, and luckily neither could he. They had even fucked against her front door after they had gotten back from walking R2, the poor pup trotting off when he probably saw that his owner was a horny idiot that couldn’t contain himself.</p><p>At one point Ben jokingly got out a bag of frozen peas for her to sit on, but then she took it anyway and relished in the feeling of it under her poor tender cunt. He laughed, and then she glared at him, “Look, do you want me to be able to fuck you again or <em>not</em>? I swear sometimes you’re <em>mad</em> at my vagina.”</p><p>Then he frowned, kneeling before her on her couch, surrounding her legs with his arms that extended to encompass her ass, “Ohhh <em>no</em>, I could <em>never </em>be mad at her,” he leaned down to kiss it over her leggings, “I am sorry Rey’s most perfect, beautiful vagina.”</p><p>Then his chin was resting on her knee and giving her those damned puppy eyes, and she snorted, running her hand through his hair, “She says it’s okay. You’re very good at what you do after all.”</p><p>He smirked, tilting his head, “Then I will buy you all of the frozen peas you will ever need.”</p><p>Rey sighed, leaning down to kiss his dumb grin and sat on them until they defrosted.</p><p>It was almost a marvel to her what a thrill she would even get from holding Ben’s hand out in public, figuring it had to do entirely with the newness of it all as they walked around The Grove, having just seen a movie. Ben literally did the stupid joke with the popcorn in his lap, which made Rey snort and roll her eyes, but then also palm him over his jeans, which he clearly wasn’t expecting because he gasped and looked over at her with widened eyes. Then he sat up and cleared his throat, adjusting himself while shaking his head. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, waggling his eyebrows at her. She truly hated this man.</p><p>She supposed that they were never trying to cover anything up. They had been kissing in his elevator again when the doors opened, only to reveal Betty standing there, a knowing smile on her lips. They separated with equal reddened expressions.</p><p>“Oh, don’t stop on my account. It’s not as if I haven’t seen you two going at it all week from my apartment,” she said, not facing them at the doors closed, “and I know I may be old, but I can only imagine what is going on in there when you actually bother to close the blinds.”</p><p>Rey was going to apologize and feel guilty, but Betty held up a hand to her, “Don’t. I’ll have you know that Garret and I are very happy for you two.”</p><p>“Garret?” Ben asked, but Rey knew who he was.</p><p>“M-<em>my </em>downstairs neighbor?”</p><p>Garret was an extremely friendly Caucasian male that lived underneath Rey. He had long brown hair, a mustache, and was about as gay as the day was long as far as Rey was concerned. She didn’t know that he and Betty even knew each other.</p><p>Betty nodded, “We’ve been waiting on you to open your eyes. I had to inform him as soon as I saw you blindly stumble into Rey’s room last Friday. He said he was even going to pop open a bottle of champagne he was keeping in the fridge just for the occasion.”</p><p>The doors opened and Rey didn’t think she had ever seen Ben so red, “S-sorry you saw that Betty.”</p><p>Betty began to exit the elevator and turned, “I already said, <em>don’t </em>be. All Garret and I said when we found out was <em>finally</em>.”</p><p>Then she turned back after she gave them a final small smile and a wink, and Rey let out a sigh of relief as Ben grabbed her hand.</p><p>And now that their glorious fuck week had come to a close, Rey laid there on the morning of their brunch with Rose and Finn, only a couple of hours away. Ben had even decided to invite Poe, figuring they should just get it all over with. Ben’s arms were wrapped tight around her as she stared at out at the expanse of Ben’s closet, all of those suits in there. What a sight.</p><p>She sighed, not wanting to leave Ben’s embrace, but figured she should try and get up and start preparing for the morning. Rey laid there as long as she could.</p><p>Disentangling herself, she sat up and stretched at the end of his bed, attempting to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Just when she was about to stand up, however, she felt arms pull around her, and suddenly she was being roped on top of Ben, and he was kissing her face, “And just where do you think <em>you’re </em>going missy?”</p><p>She pouted, “I was going to sneak out before the guy I slept with the night before woke up and noticed me.”</p><p>He was kissing her neck and then looked up at her, “Oh, I see. Sorry I <em>foiled your plans</em>.”</p><p>Rey let him continue his work on her neck and she exhaled dramatically, “I am too. Don’t want him to start thinking I want to <em>stay </em>or anything.”</p><p>His hands moved down to her ass as he lifted her up in his lap and sat up, growing erection now against her ass. She sighed as his mouth met her chest, face nuzzling it before his tongue encircled her nipple, “Don’t you know that I’d practically beg you to stay?”</p><p>“Hm…” She mumbled as he took one breast in his mouth, sucking on it languidly.</p><p>“Because…I wouldn’t give you up,” he whispered into her chest before his mouth moved to her other breast. Her hand raised to card through his hair as he continued, “and I am going to try my best to never let you down.”</p><p>She felt drunk off his touch like she always did as his arms clutched at her thighs and backside, raising her up and sliding her down on to himself, to which he tilted his head back as she started to move against him, “And…I’m never going to—run around and desert you.”</p><p>Suddenly, the realization of the last few sentences he had uttered all came crashing down on her, and her eyes whipped over to meet the stupid smile on his face, probably both from pleasure and the knowledge of what he was doing. Rey stopped moving her hips, “Ben, please don’t Rickroll me while your penis is inside of me.”</p><p>His smile was ear to ear now, “What? Doesn’t mean it’s not true!”</p><p>She rolled her eyes and continued the movement of her hips against him. They weren’t not going to get off just because he was an idiot.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>, <em>mmm</em>,” he murmured as his arms raised around her to hold her closer and his thrusts began to meet hers, “I’m just…never going to make you cry—”</p><p>“<em>Ben</em>—”</p><p>“Rey, I’m trying to express myself in the throes of passion—”</p><p>“Ben if you don’t shut the fuck up, I will never hump you again, got it?”</p><p>He exhaled and smiled, followed by a moan when her hands brushed against his ears and settled on his neck as she gave a slow, meaningful thrust into his lap, and she was guessing that was his acquiescence with her demand to for once, which was to close his goddamn mouth.</p><p>His affection was still apparent though, even with the ridiculous method this had started in the way he would reach forward to capture his lips with hers before they would break apart to breathe heavily on each other as her hips would roll over his again and again. It was in the way his fingertips would gently trace up her spine, or how he would whisper her name into her hair, apparently still unable to help himself.</p><p>Ben’s hands traced down to her ass once more, and held onto it, encouraging Rey to move forward with her hips even more onto him, which caused her back to arch in pleasure and him to give quite a stanch exhale. His mouth was then on one of her nipples again with gentle suction, and her fingers were met with his scalp once more, tugging on it while his tongue swirled around her.</p><p>At this, she felt her climax start to build, so she gave a few, slow and resolute rolls into his lap, which he was still encouraging with his own, his hands still on her backside while his mouth switched over to her other breast. And as it hit her, gradual and strong, Ben moaned into her skin, and his lips raised to her ear, “You always come so beautifully Rey.”</p><p>She supposed she would allow this admittance, despite her request, so she grabbed his face and kissed his lips as her thrusts picked up against him. At this point, she had a pretty good handle on what this boy liked in bed, even though they had only been sleeping together for a little over a week, but she supposed the rate in which they had sex had to count for something. Her thighs careened over his rapidly as she grasped his hair roughly again.</p><p>“Fuck Rey I’m going to come.”</p><p>She nodded, smiling, seeming to even know at what point when he would inevitably give her that warning.</p><p>And at a few more pushes on her ass along with her own movements, he was sputtering with his orgasm as Rey watched his blissed out expression, a sight she always enjoyed when she was given the opportunity.</p><p>Then they were breathing deeply as they held each other. He buried his face in her neck and kissed her, sighing, “We are <em>so </em>good at that.” He said against her skin.</p><p>She giggled, “We <em>are</em>, aren’t we?”</p><p>He raised his head with a sweet expression on his face as he smiled up at her, holding up his hand next to her.</p><p>She observed it and narrowed her eyes at him, “Ben are you offering me a high five for the good sex?”</p><p>He looked from his hand to her, “You don’t think we’ve earned it?”</p><p>Rey all out laughed, shaking her head and then kissed him on the mouth, palm raising to his cheek, rubbing at it as she pulled away, “Of course I do.”</p><p>Then she returned the gesture, and their hands just ended up with intertwined fingers.</p><p>He giggled and kissed her again briefly, “Well, I think it’s safe to say that…I’m <em>still</em> ever gonna <em>say</em> goodbye—”</p><p>“Ben!” Rey shouted, but this time she was giggling at him instead, still somehow astounded at his ridiculousness, pushing on his shoulders, “you <em>cannot </em>say things like that while your cum is inside of me.”</p><p>“Hmm,” he hummed, he said as he leaned forward and smiled into her lips, “<em>whoops</em>.”</p><p>And then she was laughing again as he pushed her back on the bed and flipped them over, kissing her again fervently.</p><p>For some reason, Ben got a lot of enjoyment out of washing her face. While they were in the shower, he poured out the cleanser he had bought for her for dry skin—this revelation of her skin type was apparently not surprising at all—into his hand and for whatever purpose, he loved doing it, so she let him of course. Smiling as his hands spread over her face as he lavished her outrageously.</p><p>“Look at this pretty face.” He said rubbing at her skin delicately.</p><p>Rey snorted, but she secretly loved feeling like he was taking care of her, so she leaned in closer and wrapped her arms around him while she closed her eyes while he scaled the rest of her skin. She let out an exhale that probably sounded contented as he continued his work.</p><p>Fighting over the stream in his shower was a much different experience as he got a shower head installed to fall overhead, stating it was just easier than trying to deal with scrunching himself every time he bathed, which Rey supposed made sense. His hands were still on her cheeks, and then she felt his lips on hers.</p><p>“Ben,” she smiled, “I’m still all soapy.”</p><p>“Mmm,” Ben whispered, “I don’t care. You could be covered in anything and I would still want to kiss you.”</p><p>She felt herself flush all over, the warmth spreading to her cheeks, she was certain. Then she was smirking again, “Really?”</p><p>“Definitely.”</p><p>“How about…gravy?”</p><p>“You’re making it sound like that wouldn’t be something I would most certainly enjoy licking off of you.”</p><p>She giggled, thinking there were <em>much</em> sexier foods he could lick off of her, but of course she went with that choice, but it didn’t seem to matter anyway. They’d probably have to explore that entire idea later.</p><p>Ben brought her under the stream as the suds started to rinse off her face, and then he was kissing her again, his hand now moving to the nape of her neck as he placed his lips all over her face.</p><p>“How bout grease?”</p><p>“That just reminds me of how you’re such a smart and sexy engineer, so of course.”</p><p>“Dirt?”</p><p>“You’re a little desert gremlin from the valley, so I would expect you to be covered in it anyway.”</p><p>She smacked his chest and opened her eyes to him, and he was giving her a dopey grin with his wet hair plastered to his pretty face, and his precious ears poking out of the strands of course. What a big dumb man she had in front of her; what an idiot she thought as her arms snaked up around his neck, fingers combing through the drenched locks.</p><p>“What if…I somehow found a way to bottle the embodiment of jazz and sprayed it all over my body, and every time you touched me, you would hear it ringing in your ears?”</p><p>He laughed stupidly, wrapping his own arms around her, “Oh my, what a conundrum you would put me in.”</p><p>She nodded, smiling up at him, “Think about how musical our fucking would be.”</p><p>“Pssh, and yet you won’t let me bring Mr. Astley in the bedroom.”</p><p>Then she was laughing planting her face into his chest and breathed in deeply, “That’s just because it was just <em>too </em>arousing Benjamin.”</p><p>His hands had roamed down to her ass, “<em>See</em>, that’s what I thought. Guess I just had to pleasure with just my boring old penis instead of the immediate drenching effect Rick Astley’s smash hit has on the ladies.”</p><p>She was still giggling because he was just still so goddamn stupid, and he was giggling with her too, even as his hands had begun to knead her derriere.</p><p>His lips were now on her neck, “But to answer your previous question, not touching is not an option, so I’d just have to find a way to appreciate the genre as long as one Rey Kenobi is associated with it.”</p><p>She smiled, thinking licentious thoughts at what to do with that notion, “Duly noted.”</p><p>Rey felt him getting hard against her as he continued to scale her skin with his mouth, “Speaking of touching you, how are we going to go about this whole thing today? We just going to fuck in front of them and hope for the best?”</p><p>“Hmm,” Rey pretended to contemplate, “do you think they’ll get the right sort of message from that?”</p><p>His mouth left her after it sucked on the skin above her collarbone, “I don’t know…it…may not be enough.”</p><p>“Perhaps you should also cc them on the sex itinerary.”</p><p>Ben actually gasped and stood up to meet her gaze, “What a <em>great</em> idea Reymond.”</p><p>Then they were smiling at each other again and kissing, his hand was met with her face again and his expression grew more serious for a moment. It seemed a stern musing flashed through his head as the pad of his thumb ran over her cheekbone, “You are so fucking incredible Rey. I am so lucky.”</p><p>Rey sighed, still growing used to his affection, even after all this time she had known this man. Never ever would she ever think someone would sound so fortunate to be with <em>her </em>like this. It was an entirely new concept to her. And the fact that it was Ben? Incomprehensible. He had waited to make her tacos, and now he was going goofy for her while naked with her in the shower.</p><p>She responded with her mouth on his again, knowing she was just as dumb for him.</p><p>By the time they were prepping for brunch, they were both standing at the counter, doing more making out than actual chopping or anything else. It was all Ben’s fault, really, telling her she looked sexy when she chopped things. She held her knife up to him as she was cutting up more stupid bell peppers, “Even when I threaten you with a knife?”</p><p>He looked at the knife and smirked, “<em>Especially </em>when you threaten me with a knife.”</p><p>Then she was smiling into his mouth, putting the knife down on the counter as they continued to kiss, her rear against the counter, and then he was lifting her on top of it, settling between her legs while her hands were in his hair. Fuck, they had absolutely <em>no </em>control. This was going to be an interesting brunch.</p><p>They had decided, in the end, to just sort of let things happen as they come. And Rey thought it would be oodles of fun to watch the looks on all of their faces as she and Ben had really turned up the touching and affection before all was revealed. <em>That </em>part was going to be fun.</p><p>Ben’s hand was snaking up her shirt and she leaned into him when there was a knock on the door. For a couple of seconds, they stopped and touched foreheads as Ben’s hands lowered to her thighs.</p><p>“They’re <em>early</em>.” He whined.</p><p>Rey laughed and kissed him on the lips again, “It’s <em>Rose</em>. We should have expected her to be here early, really…and don’t act like we didn’t just have sex like an <em>hour</em> ago,” she said as if that had ever stopped them before, but she was trying to make herself feel better too, then went to boop his nose, and got off the counter, “come on Benji, we can do this, right?”</p><p>He sighed, nodding, and then they held each other, and Rey stood up on her toes to kiss him one more time, one more time where it was just the two of them in this little bubble. Rey exhaled into the kiss before pulling away. They touched foreheads again and nodded at each other, acknowledging this moment together.</p><p>Then Rey was rushing at the door, opening it on the two smiling faces of her best friends, who were brandishing champagne and orange juice.</p><p>“Um, hello! We started to think y’all died in there or something!” Finn exclaimed, reaching out to hug Rey, and then Rose quickly followed.</p><p>“Hey babes!” Rose exclaimed, but as she leaned in closer while they were embracing, she whispered in her ear, “I hope you’re feeling better from last week.”</p><p>When they pulled away, all Rey could do was smile, and tried not to grow red all over.</p><p>Finn had already pushed past them and was embracing Ben with a nice mutual back pat among them, and when they ended it, Finn smiled and nodded, “So excited to finally try these omelettes I’ve been hearing so much about!”</p><p>Ben smiled, shrugging, “Just hope they live up to all the hype.”</p><p>With furrowed eyebrows, Finn actually balked at him, seeming offended, “How could they <em>not</em>?!”</p><p>Ben gave a slow smirk with a blush and looked down at the floor while he crossed his arms, and <em>Christ</em>, she already wanted to march over there and kiss him. Rey really had to restrain herself.</p><p>It was a bit surreal standing here after having already slept with Ben like <em>a lot</em> with Rose and Finn present in the same room. Though, this was <em>not </em>another chicken braising incident because they actually invited them over here. </p><p>Rey walked over, took the champagne and orange juice off the counter that Finn had left, and she passed behind Ben <em>very </em>closely while Finn and Rose sat at stools on the other side of the stove. Ben looked over at her with a grin as she was getting out the champagne flutes from his cupboard. Rey poured out four mimosas.</p><p>Rose thanked Rey as she handed one over to her, “Now, I <em>know</em> what you’re thinking…” Rose said as after she accepted the glass and took a couple of sips of it, “oh, here’s Rose, early again as always—”</p><p>“I <em>did </em>actually say that to Ben.”</p><p>“She did,” Ben confirmed, getting a pan out from under the stove.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes, “See, it wasn’t <em>me </em>for once. It was <em>Finn </em>trying to rush us here.”</p><p>Finn scoffed, fresh from sipping at his own mimosa, “Well <em>excuse </em>me for wanting to get to Ben’s cooking as soon as possible.”</p><p>Rey chuckled at her friends as Rose leaned over and kissed Finn’s cheek, “I know my love. That is why I did not protest you wanting to fanboy at the earliest opportunity,” Rose said, pinching his cheek and straightened, “I was just a little hesitant because I wasn’t sure if Rey would even be here yet. I texted you Rey about it but you didn’t respond, so I just hoped for the best.”</p><p>“Oh!” Rey exclaimed as an almost reflex, “Well I wanted to help Ben prep for everything,” she emphasized with the knife she was now holding again, “sorry I didn’t see your text.”</p><p>That was the honest to God truth as she was pretty sure she left her phone in Ben’s room on the charger, too distracted by the morning sex and followed by the fairly sexy shower. Rey now thought it would look strange if she just waltzed in there to check.</p><p>“Well, Rey has become quite the little sous chef, hasn’t she?” Finn asked, winking at her.</p><p>Rey blushed and kept at her task of her almost forgotten bell pepper. Ben looked over at her, bumping at her with his hip, “Yes, she has.”</p><p>Her blush deepened, and she sucked in her lips to try and not to smile like an idiot.</p><p>“Mhm,” Rose said, tipping back her mimosa again, “never thought I’d see the day.”</p><p>The rest of the meal preparation went about as Rey expected. Where she and Ben would have a casual touch here and there, which was definitely more than their typical dynamic that her best friends had ever seen. It was subtle at first, but then it started to grow more and more obvious. A brush of his hand here when she would give him the vegetables she had chopped, fingers briefly on her hip as he would graze past her. She knew Rose was <em>definitely </em>starting to notice.</p><p>She caught Rose giving Finn a couple of pointed looks out of the corner of her eye, and she was still trying her best to act completely nonchalant.</p><p>Ben was stirring the hollandaise sauce he was preparing next to her, and after he tasted some of it, she saw that he still had some leftover on the side of his mouth, “Oh, Ben, you’ve got,” Rey said, and as he looked at her, she reached up and wiped it away with her thumb.</p><p>He smiled at her, “Thanks.”</p><p>Again in Rey’s periphery, Rose was nudging Finn in the side and it appeared that they were attempting to have a conversation, mouthing words to each other. Rey had to actually pause what she was doing for a couple of moments in order to compose herself.</p><p>“<em>III</em>’m going to go to the bathroom,” Rose announced, getting up from her chair, “it’s around the corner, right Ben?”</p><p>He looked up at her, “Yeah.”</p><p>She nodded, and Rey watched her get up and walk past the couch and stop for a moment, and then shook her head and kept going. Confused at her pause, Rey craned her head over to where Rose was glancing, and she found her eyes straining on a small black object on the back of one of the cushions, and her eyes widened when she realized it was a pair of her panties from the night before…when Ben had taken them off of her with his mouth. She had completely forgotten that they were there. Immediately turning red, Rey glanced at Finn, who was luckily checking something on his phone. Rey nudged Ben and he looked up at her with a questioning gaze and she motioned her head towards the couch. Ben furrowed an eyebrow and followed her gaze, eyes landing her panties and he had the audacity to smile widely and shrug. Rey nearly hissed at him and barely had enough time to walk briskly to the couch, shove them further down, and make it back to the counter by the time Rose exited the bathroom.</p><p>Rey was a little mortified, but she just kept at her chopping while Rose sat back down.</p><p>“So, Ben!” Rose exclaimed, “What have you been up to lately? Anything exciting in the lawyer world?”</p><p>Ben shrugged, seeming also to be unperturbed of the panty debacle that just occurred, “I don’t know about the lawyer world, that’s just run of the mill boring with no real new cases for me. It’s not as sexy as they make it look on TV or movies, and mostly just a lot of paperwork.”</p><p>“That sounds sexy as <em>hell</em>,” Finn joked, “so, you’ve never had any exciting cases on trial at all?”</p><p>Ben’s mouth formed into a line, and it looked like his mind was far off for a moment, “Yeah, I’ve had a few in my life I suppose you would consider those more high profile cases, but that was back when I was with my old firm that had a bit of a…reputation.”</p><p>Rey hadn’t heard much about Ben’s life at his other firm; it was a part of his past that he had still kept fairly hidden from her, and Rey could only hope that as she would slowly reveal hers, he would do the same with her. The only things she knew were of scattered things here and there, like when that other lawyer had been trying to pry Ben for more details over the case they were working on. She supposed the world of criminal defense law was a lot more complicated than she first realized.</p><p>Rose blinked at him with her mimosa in hand, “What sort of reputation?”</p><p>Ben was focusing down on his task in the pot, “The not so good kind.”</p><p>Rey was already getting a sense that this was something that Ben didn’t want to talk about, and somehow things had gotten suddenly derailed from Rose and Finn being confounded over her and Ben’s sudden heightened affection to this. Without thinking, Rey put her hand on his arm, and he looked to her, eyes almost haunted before he gave a small smile, placing his hand over hers.</p><p>“It’s the part of my life that I’ve tried to put behind me.”</p><p>Finn nodded his head, “Of course man, sorry…didn’t mean to discuss such a sensitive topic over fucking brunch.”</p><p>Ben shook his head, “No, it’s okay. You didn’t know.”</p><p>Before Rey could figure out how to steer the conversation elsewhere, there was another knock on the door, and Rey was thankful for it, “That must be Poe. I’ll get it.”</p><p>Rey looked to Ben one more time and squeezed his arm before pulling away, and then she was at the door, greeting Ben’s best friend who was baring a shit eating grin, also holding a bottle of champagne.</p><p>“Hey there girlie,” he said, leaning for them to kiss each other on the cheeks, “how’s my favorite ray of sunshine doing?”</p><p>She smirked at him and shook her head slightly, “I am just wonderful, and yourself?”</p><p>“Never better.” He said while Rey welcomed him inside, and Rey was grateful for Poe’s uncanny ability to rile up a room.</p><p>“Now the party can officially <em>start</em> people!” Poe exclaimed, immediately making his way to Ben and embracing him.</p><p>Ben chuckled, returning it, “It’s not a party Poe, it’s brunch.”</p><p>Poe pulled away, still grasping his arm while the champagne was in his other hand with furrowed eyebrows, “I fail to see the difference Benji.”</p><p>Ben rolled his eyes at him as Poe placed the champagne on the counter, and Rey observed him retrieving another flute out of Ben’s cupboard, proceeding to pour himself a glassful. Rey laughed, “No orange juice?”</p><p>Poe gave her an incredulous look, “What, and dilute the champagne? No ma’am.”</p><p>Ben sighed, but then when Rey looked over at him, there was a hint of a smile on his face as Poe walked around to Finn and Rose, placing his arms around them, “So, besides the dour mood my life partner has certainly put on this lovely morning, how is everybody <em>else</em> doing?”</p><p>Rose giggled, patting his arm, “We are doing just <em>fine </em>Dameron. What about you?”</p><p>Instead of glomming on his old Dameron charm, Poe groaned, and detangled himself from the couple, taking his seat next to Finn, “I am <em>so glad </em>you asked Ms. Tico. I am just,” he started before tipping back his glass all the way, gulping down his champagne in a few swallows, “<em>dandy</em>…so get this,” he stopped, now looking at his now empty glass and then to Rey, “Rey, would you be a darling?”</p><p>Rey snorted, grabbing the bottle and handing it to Poe, who refilled his flute once more, “Okay, so get this, I just got into quite the scuffle at work because the stewardess I am sleeping with found out that I <em>used </em>to be sleeping with this other steward, and they just so happened to start having many scheduled flights together, and they of <em>course </em>got to talking, right?”</p><p>Everyone’s attention was completely focused on him as they all nodded, which is what he loved, “And low and behold, she tells him who she is seeing, and he<em> freaks</em> out, convincing her that she should make this into a whole HR nightmare, which is total BS because it’s not like it is prohibited for all of us to date one another.”</p><p>He took another large gulp of his drink and sighed, “And so she comes up to me, and says look, I know we weren’t exclusive or anything, but I’d like to take one flight knowing I am not working with someone you used to sleep with…as <em>if </em>I can do anything about that.”</p><p>Rey was holding back a laugh, “So what did you do?”</p><p>Poe scoffed, observing the liquid in his glass, “Well, she’s got me feeling all guilty over here, so I told her I would take her to a nice fancy dinner, but that isn’t going to stop her from running into someone else I’ve hooked up with, you know?”</p><p>“<em>Maybe</em>,” Ben piped up, “this is a sign that you shouldn’t keep sticking your dick in anything that moves at work Dameron.”</p><p>Poe balked at him, “Are you <em>slut </em>shaming me Solo?”</p><p>He rolled his eyes, “Of course I’m not, I am just saying, there’s plenty of other people you can have sex with in this city that you don’t have to share a small, confined space with for several hours along with other people you’ve previously had sex with.”</p><p>“<em>Mmmm</em>…but that’s the <em>sexiest </em>part…it’s like literally the start of a porno, but it’s my actual <em>life</em>,” Poe defended, closing his eyes with a tilt of his head, “sometimes I simply cannot <em>help </em>myself.”</p><p>He opened his eyes and scanned the room, seeing everyone’s seemingly entertained faces, “What<em>ever</em>, I’m a man whore, I <em>know</em>…so, what are all of my non slutty friends doing out there?”</p><p>Rey giggled, “Clearly scheduling our flights with airlines that don’t have such a seductive pilot.”</p><p>Poe laughed, pointing a finger at her, “Hey, you’ll come to regret that one day when you take a flight and it is the <em>least</em> sensual experience of your life.”</p><p>Smiling, biting on her bottom lip, she knew that she and Ben were going to be exactly the type of idiots to actually attempt joining the mile high club, and she had to immediately stifle that thought before it got away from her, “I didn’t realize that was a necessary involvement for travel.”</p><p>Poe held a hand to his chest, “Of <em>course </em>it is Rey. When is anything in life <em>not</em>?”</p><p>Rey gave a tilt of her head in acknowledgment before turning back to her task of chopping the onion she was tackling, trying her best to tear up. Poe struck up a fairly light conversation with Finn and Rose while she and Ben kept in their own cooking side of the counter. While she was still in the middle of this damn onion, Ben spoke up at her.</p><p>“Rey, could you hand me a spatula? I am almost ready to start over here.” He said, knowing they were in the drawer next to her.</p><p>She, however, felt like she had her hands a little tied, “I am a little <em>busy</em> right now Benjamin.”</p><p>Ben looked over at what she was doing, and his hand was on the wooden spoon for the hollandaise sauce still, “Well, so am I.”</p><p>“Okay, well I don’t know what any bearing that has to do on me right now.”</p><p>“If you could reach over really quick—”</p><p>“<em>Ugh</em>, if it’s <em>such</em> a concern to you, why don’t you just get it yourself?” She asked, knowing she could very well get it, but she was now wiping at her eyes that were starting to water.</p><p>Ben paused for a second before grunting, “<em>Fine</em>.” He stated, reaching around her, arm brushing against her lower back, leaning over to reach without letting go of his spoon. His arm certainly could reach, and she didn’t mind the contact at all as his hand blindly grabbed for its desired kitchen appliance. Then, just as soon as it started, he was slamming the drawer shut and standing upright again.</p><p>Rey felt a little flush when he had, but he went back to cooking like nothing had happened at all. She glanced at everyone else, and it seemed like they were all trying not to stare as Finn continued to answer Poe’s question.</p><p>It was getting to be at that point where it was too palpable <em>not </em>to address, but Rey stuck to her guns and handed over the onion once she was done so Ben could start sauteing them before putting them in the omelettes along with the bell peppers. She thought she saw Rose and Poe glancing at each other and heard the word ‘panties’ uttered by Rose.</p><p>Poe cleared his throat, “Is it me, or is Ben sexy while he cooks…or does Rey just make it seem that way?”</p><p>Rey snorted, feeling flustered as her eyes flicked up to Poe, who had a smug smile on his features.</p><p>Before long, Ben was making the omelettes, catering them to everyone’s individualized requests. He was more than pleased when Rey told him to surprise her, and she could tell he wanted to lean over and kiss her when she said this, but instead, his eyes lingered on her while he turned to get the cream cheese out of the fridge, stating he wanted to ‘experiment.’</p><p>By the time Ben was handing Finn and Rose their omelettes as he prepared theirs first, Finn’s with chorizo and feta cheese and Rose’s with mushrooms and sun dried tomatoes, all slathered in the hollandaise sauce, Ben said he would have to pause to take out R2 as he started whining at the door.</p><p>Rey smiled at him, asking him if he wanted her to come with him. Any excuse to make out with Ben uninhibited in the street was a welcomed thought in her mind. However, much to her surprise, he smiled and stated he was fine and that she could stay here. Rey looked up at him; he had turned fully to her as he made this conclusion, and right now the look in his ever expressive eyes were yearning for some kind of returned answer that he was stating in them. Rey knew what it meant.</p><p>It’s time. It’s finally <em>time</em>.</p><p>Rey smiled, welcoming the sentiment, “Okay. Don’t take too long, or else Poe and I will have to start getting jealous that we don’t have our sasquatch omelettes.”</p><p>Ben smirked back, “I won’t, I promise.”</p><p>Then, in an eternally effortless unspoken compulsion, he was leaning down and she was standing up slightly on her toes to meet in the middle, and their lips were meeting as his hand raised to her face and she touched his arm. They kissed for several seconds, then he was pulling away and smiling down at her again.</p><p>Rey heard a fork drop on a plate, but then Ben was backing away from her slowly with a devious smirk, grabbing R2’s leash, and he was out the door with a wink.</p><p>Now that he was gone, Rey tried to continue acting as normal as possible, going back to the counter and cleaning up the result of her prepping. Eventually, she looked up to see Finn’s furrowed eyebrows with his fork still in hand, Rose’s completely open mouth, and Poe’s wide eyes. She gave a tiny smirk.</p><p>“<em>Oh</em>, did I forget to tell you we finally uh,” she placed a finger through her encircled other hand in a crude gesture.</p><p>Poe was the first to respond with his finger pointed at her, “I <em>knew </em>it!”</p><p>Finn looked over at him, “No you didn’t!” He exclaimed while crossing his arms, “<em>I </em>knew it first!”</p><p>Poe waved him off and looked back to her, “Oh my god!” Poe shouted, standing up and throwing up his arms, “You big sluts good for you! Ahh!” Then he was walking around, making his way to the door, “Now if you would excuse me, I think I may have a <em>few</em> things to ask my best friend about.”</p><p>Then Poe was gone and it was just her and her best friends. They all blinked at each other for several moments, and Rey honestly wasn’t sure how to gauge the situation. Were they too shocked to respond? Were they angry? Were they excited?</p><p>And just before Rey couldn’t stand it anymore, Finn and Rose were staring at each other and back at her, proceeding to scream their heads off.</p><p>“Holy <em>shit</em>, Rey! You really had me going there for a minute.”</p><p>“I thought I was losing my <em>mind</em>!”</p><p>Smiling her head off, she waited for them to calm down.</p><p>“Oh my <em>god</em>, we all had a bet going—”</p><p>“And I won!” Finn shouted, “I knew those two would take <em>forever</em>!”</p><p>Rey looked up at them with disbelieving eyes, “Are you kidding me guys? <em>A bet</em>? Who was in on it?”</p><p>Both of them had begun to laugh, and Rose was holding her side, “Oh, me, Finn, Jess, and then Poe when we talked about it at Finn’s party,” Rose explained, “Finn’s right though unfortunately, my guess was that you would have broken down and ripped each other’s clothes off <em>much</em> sooner. Oh, stop it Finn!” She yelled as Finn stood up and started doing a victory dance.</p><p>“And Hadari comes out <em>victorious</em>!” He cried, pumping both arms in the air.</p><p>Rey sighed, feeling flush all over, but she honestly couldn’t blame them. They had all been bothering her about it and they <em>did</em> take forever.</p><p>She drew the line at Finn chanting ‘Rey finally got some dick’ over and over, however. She couldn’t stand the shit eating grin he was sporting while he did his dance any longer.</p><p>“Will you <em>shut</em> it?!” She yelled.</p><p>“I’m sorry Rey, I am just so happy for you!” He exclaimed, finally finished with his dance and got back on his stool.</p><p>She smiled, rolling her eyes, “Thank you.”</p><p>“So, how was it?” Finn asked and then Rose yelled at him, stating that she and Rey were going to another room now as she got up and grabbed Rey’s arm, the little woman dragging her to Ben’s room.</p><p>It was a few moments before they had settled in, both girls on the bed after the door was closed, “So, how was it?” She also asked.</p><p>She scoffed at her, “What so you’re allowed to ask me this now that we’re alone?”</p><p>Rose smiled, throwing herself back against the bad, “Well, this is much more of a girl talk topic.”</p><p>Rey followed in suit, still grinning like a buffoon, “It was incredible. All of it has been. It still feels unreal.”</p><p>Rose squealed, “When did this actually happen?”</p><p>Attempting to contain her guilty expression, Rey looked over at Rose’s expectant eyes, “A little over a week ago.”</p><p>Getting on her side, Rose seemed to put the pieces together in her head and once the recognition hit her, she shoved Rey’s shoulder, “You little sneak! It happened that night when you told me it <em>didn’t </em>happen didn’t it?”</p><p>Rey sucked in her lips and blinked several times, “<em>Perhaps</em>.”</p><p>After this admittance, Rose just shook her head, and smiled, “Whatever, as long as it <em>finally </em>did because <em>Jesus</em>, you were practically going to keel over and die from the sexual tension.”</p><p>Rey turned on her side too, “Yes, and, trust me, we certainly have spent a lot of time <em>relieving</em> that tension.”</p><p>Rose giggled, “I <em>bet</em>.”</p><p>Then Rose asked Rey to tell her everything, so she did, telling her about their confessions, the feelings that had gone unsaid for so long, his adorable smile he much of the time bore before he kissed her hand and held it to his chest. How she had lost count even after the first day how many times they had done it. How after their weekend together, it made her ache for him throughout the day and how she made him dinner. Then she even told Rose about his dick mole, and they started giggling. Rose said she wasn’t really surprised; he seemed to have them everywhere else.</p><p>“And now I still wake up every day still surprised that he’s in the bed with me. I don’t know when that will wear off.” Rey sighed, still feeling ridiculous.</p><p>“It’s only been a week Rey, give it time. You’re definitely still in the honeymoon phase. He’ll be driving you crazy again soon enough.”</p><p>Rey scoffed, “I mean he never really stopped. We still bicker and fight like always…now there’s just a lot more making out involved with it.”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes, but it was with a smile, “You two,” and then there was a look of realization on her eyes, “oh my <em>god </em>those panties were <em>yours</em>!”</p><p>Rey just nodded guiltily.</p><p>She covered her face with her hands, “<em>Fuck</em>, I am not kidding you when I say this, when I first saw those I was about to run over and ring that thick neck of his! Ahh! I was like there is no <em>way </em>Ben is dangling these in front of <em>everyone</em>, the <em>asshole</em>. I was really worried there for a minute for you.”</p><p>Rey sighed, “Sorry, I really didn’t mean to worry you like that. We got a little…carried away last night and I completely forgot they were there.”</p><p>All she did was look over at her and grab her hand and squeezed it. They were smiling at each other and Rey felt flush all over.</p><p>Rose laughed, “Wow, you guys have it bad.”</p><p>Nodding, Rey bit her lip, “Yeah, I suppose we do…never thought I would be here, huh?”</p><p>Appearing to contemplate this for a few moments, Rose then tilted her head, “I just thought you would when you were ready, and here you are.”</p><p>“Here I am,” Rey said while turning to look up at the ceiling, thinking of her space suit and all of her still very real apprehensions, “I’m still…scared though Rose. It’s like, I am so happy, but at the same time it reminds me how attached I’ve gotten to him, and that sort of thing has…never ended well for me.”</p><p>“Of course you are,” Rose encouraged, “just cause you’ve bumped uglies doesn’t make it any less scary. But I think, over time, that is something you’ll both be able to figure out. Luckily the boy doesn’t seem to scare easily.”</p><p>She smiled, her chest feeling warm, “No he most certainly does not.”</p><p>Rose giggled, “And that is why that is one of only the many reasons that I still claim that is why he’s perfect for you…now,” she said sitting up on her elbow, “if you’ll excuse me, I was in the middle of this life changing omelette before you two decided to make out in front of all of us and ruin my breakfast.”</p><p>By the time Rose and Rey exited Ben’s room, they found the boys all sitting at the table. Poe had pulled over Ben’s chair from his work desk, leaving the seat next to Ben completely open. They walked over to the table and Rey took her chair. Ben grabbed her hand and kissed it with extremely warm eyes.</p><p>“I cannot <em>believe </em>you two morons finally did the nasty oh my fucking god,” Poe said, forking into his omelette, “I <em>swear </em>it was starting to even throw me off <em>my </em>game.”</p><p>Ben chuckled, “And yes, <em>that </em>is what convinced Rey and I to have sex…we were like…<em>gee</em>, Poe’s not slamming as much ass as he normally does. We’re being super inconsiderate.”</p><p>Rey nodded and squeezed his hand before letting go, “Yes, it’s true. We really just wanted you to murder as much ass as possible.”</p><p>Poe sighed, holding a hand to his chest, “And that is why you’re my best friend,” he said to Ben, eyes sparkling, then he looked to Rey, “and Ben is one lucky mother fucker to have scored such an incredible woman.”</p><p>Rey started to blush, and Ben leaned over to kiss her cheek, “Yes I most certainly am.”</p><p>As they ate, Ben held her hand under the table.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HeyYyyYYY you guys. I bet you thought I died. I can most certainly assure you that I did not. There were just a few things I was dealing with and also the holidays, so I kind of needed a little bit of space from my writing. Which honestly only ended up being a few days, but that felt like an eternity to me!!!</p><p>For a second I really, truly wanted to take the time to thank you guys for everything you have done for me with all of your encouragement and support. I have been realizing more and more that I really need more positivity in my life considering all of the struggles I am having with my own mental health, and trust me when I say, you have made a genuine difference in my life with all of the love that you show me. I have always been the sort of person to be pretty open about these tings, and I just want you guys to know that you're not alone. I am always here if you need me!</p><p>Anyway, yay!!! Look how melty and stOOpid they are for each other, ugh! And now everyone knows! Haha I really didn't want to drag it out like a Chandler Monica sort of thing because I thought it was finally time for these two to be together, but they still certainly had their fun, didn't they?? ✨✨✨</p><p>You guys are the BESTTTT.</p><p>PLZ come see me on <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> anytime!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’ve been chased<br/>Maybe I just knew I had to wait for you<br/>Draw a knife and carve a little space for you<br/>It feels nice</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdjeq9t_YNg">It’s Strange</a>” –Louis the Child</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey should have figured how much more sexually charged their relationship would get after they had started sleeping together. Now she would surprise him completely naked on his bed when he got home from work, setting a record time of undressing and being inside of her in about twenty seconds flat, his hand steadying him on his headboard while the other held her ass to stable her as he fucked her into oblivion, her legs so far up his hips.</p><p>Or when she would ride him on her couch at night with the lights of, and there was also when she gave him a blowjob behind his counter while he was cooking, making sure he had put the knife down first of course. She had even called him one time to tell him that she was not wearing anything on the bottom while she sat on her in her living room. He had just gotten back from walking R2.</p><p>“Touch yourself.” He groveled lowly in that velvet voice she loved so much, and they discovered that having phone sex from across the street was still rather satisfying.</p><p>She found that she was completely welcoming of any Ben that presented himself in bed when their bodies came together, the wanton one that would fuck her bent over his couch, the flustered one that would shudder above her while his thumb would graze across her cheekbone, or the blissed out one that would smile in complete gratification, the wonderment spreading across his features slowly and gratefully as they would ebb and flow together in their ever effortless collision of skin and affection.</p><p>Rey was flabbergasted that she was even capable of such intimacy. Sometimes she would still think about her cracks while they were all breaths and moans over each other’s bodies, and that is when she would cling onto him extra tight, as if he were going to be gone suddenly, even while he was still inside of her. Something told her that he seemed to feel the same way as he would grasp onto her just as desperately.</p><p>She thought she heard him whisper “I’m still not going anywhere,” so quietly against her, but she started to convince herself it was just her imagination playing tricks on her again as he jostled on top of her, his breaths synchronized with his thrusts.</p><p>But it wasn’t just about all of the gratuitous amounts of mind blowing sex they shared, it was everything else, too. The soft touches as they passed each other in the kitchen. It was the way he held her at night, or when she held him, seeing that he also experienced nightmares of his own, and so she whispered how she was here and <em>she</em> wasn’t going anywhere. Then she still wondered what exactly kept him up at night.</p><p>It was rather random, where they would end up, her place or his, but they rarely spent a night alone now, and Rey didn’t know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that she had so readily given up her preferred side of the bed—right in the middle—to accommodate this fuckable redwood of a man. Although sometimes she still tried to starfish in the middle and then he would just lie down right on top of her. This is where she would reach up his sides, finding the extremely ticklish parts of his back and did chicken fingers on him; they would just end up in a fit of giggles together, wrestling and shifting around until she was on top of him.</p><p>“God—fuck, Rey—ha ha—I surrender—I ha haaa—surrender to the chicken fingers!” He yelled, squirming under her.</p><p>“You can’t escape the chicken fingers,” she breathed as she was straddling him, “and you gave up <em>way </em>too easily!” Then he made a comment about having such a stunning woman on top of him was a win for everyone, so then she scoffed at him, and then kissed his stupid face.</p><p>Sharing a bed with him, however, wasn’t without its dangers. She had woken up on more than one occasion with him on top of her again, the unexpected weight of him suffocating her entirely, even if he was still only partly on her. Rey had to shove at his shoulder to push him off of her, to which he wouldn’t even stir, and just kept sleeping away, not even knowing he had almost caused her to stop breathing. It would infuriate her, and she would curse him while she snuggled into him, figuring the possibility of asphyxia was just an occupational hazard of sharing a bed with a sasquatch.</p><p>Clothes were all of a sudden stored in each other’s dresser drawers, a couple of his suits took up residence in her closet, and for some reason, it didn’t feel wrong for her to see his toothbrush next to hers, knowing its twin was across the street in his bathroom. She supposed her fears, her apprehensions were all too entirely normal as she touched his face while he slept, still not quite understanding what was happening to her, to <em>them</em>.</p><p>He was still such an idiot; she found herself thinking frequently. On one occasion she came home from work, and she saw a piece of folded paper taped on her door. She opened it to see an actual calligraphed note he had written for her:</p><p>‘<em>You have a fantastic rack</em></p><p>
  <em>And an ass that won’t quit</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That didn’t rhyme</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh well</em>
</p><p>
  <em>—Ben Dickens’</em>
</p><p>She held a hand to her mouth and sighed, hugging it to her chest as if it were a letter from the man she hadn’t heard from in over a fortnight consisting of the most beautiful poetry ever created in his ever stunning handwriting. Because to her, it really was. That one was most definitely going in the nightstand drawer.</p><p>They still fought and bickered just as much, if not more than before they had gotten together. At the boxing gym, they had been in an argument while they were walking in, and no one had even given them a glance, being completely accustomed to their squabbles.</p><p>“I just don’t know why you circle around so much when we park when there are clearly spots all around, and then you choose one in the back anyway! It drives me <em>nuts</em>.” Rey shouted, throwing down her bag against one of the free rings.</p><p>“It’s good to get the exercise.” Ben defended, leaning down to open his own bag to start putting on his gear.</p><p>“We literally <em>came here </em>to exercise!”</p><p>“Yeah, and I came here the last two times by myself, so who really needs it?”</p><p>She scoffed, glaring at him disbelievingly, “I told you I had a deadline!”</p><p>They had both gotten into the ring, unable to start actually fighting because they were too busy fighting.</p><p>“You would have had it done earlier if you hadn’t binged all of those <em>Grey’s Anatomy </em>episodes.”</p><p>She could not believe the <em>nerve, </em>“I had to see what happened! Meredith was about to see whether or not—”</p><p>“Meredith is <em>always </em>doing something or someone is <em>always</em> dying. The show has been on for <em>years</em>, so it wasn’t going anywhere.”</p><p>She grunted and faced away from him, breathing a couple of times before she really lost her temper because she could tell Ben was about to lose his.</p><p>“I just needed a break, okay?” She said in a much less angry tone and a much more pleading one, “I had been staring at the same unit for so long that I thought I wouldn’t be able to figure it out. I just got so frustrated that I opted to watch a bunch of doctors boink each other instead, I’m sorry.”</p><p>She heard Ben sigh, so she turned, being met with a regretful expression, “You don’t need to be sorry. I know that LED circuit was driving you insane.”</p><p>“Yes, it was.”</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Sorry for what?”</p><p>“Being a knob.”</p><p>She took a step closer to Ben and smiled up to him, “You’re really trying to pull of British slang, aren’t you?”</p><p>He shrugged and leaned down to kiss her.</p><p>“Oh my god, did you two finally fuck already?” Cardo shouted at them. His question was followed with a bunch of whoops and ‘Benny Boy finally got some’ comments from the other men.</p><p>“Oh, bugger off Cardo!” Rey yelled at him, and when she looked back to Ben he was beaming at her and kissed her again.</p><p>Rey didn’t suppose it should feel strange to transition into this; it was what had been building up all along, wasn’t it? Now it was just still about learning new things about Ben. The quirks she hadn’t known about before. Like how seriously he took his skincare routine, starting with his serum and ending with his moisturizer that was best for combination to dry skin, or that he had just about the most expensive conditioner she had ever known existed when she looked it up, entirely unshocked. Had to get those luscious locks somehow. He even folded his underwear in his drawer while Rey’s was in just a giant messy pile in hers. He joked and called her eternally chaotic with an extremely stupid smile on his face.</p><p>Over time, she was delightfully thankful to discover that he didn’t snore. She did so strangely discover one night when she woke up with his mouth right next to her ear that this man...<em>chewed</em> in his sleep, however. At first, she thought it was some kind of weird joke he was playing on her, but when she turned around to find him still completely under, she bore a strangely confused grin as she watched him chew like he had a piece of gum for a few moments before he stopped. Rey didn’t think he was grinding as his jaw didn’t seem to be clenching. It was…strangely adorable. The <em>only</em> time in Ben’s life where he chewed with his mouth open. It was odd, but it was Ben.</p><p>He didn’t do it all that often, but she thought herself to be lucky whenever she would wake up and hear it.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“When are you going to come to dinner with HNB?” Rose asked her the phone one afternoon while she was on her lunch break, chowing down on Chipotle—Ben couldn’t judge her for her eating choices when she was at work. Rose and Finn had taken to calling Ben HNB, for hot neighbor boy, from time to time and much to Rey’s chagrin, he just thought it was funny instead of humiliating.</p><p>She had scarfed down a particularly huge bite that she now had to fight to choke down, “Would you give that a rest?”</p><p>“<em>Um</em>, no HNG.”</p><p>“I swear to Christ Rose—”</p><p>“Oh please Kenobi, your intimidation tactics don’t scare me! Now, when are the hot neighbor people coming over? Finn wants to impress Ben with his cooking.”</p><p>“But he isn’t nearly as good of a cook.”</p><p>“You think that matters to Finn? All I hear now every day is, do you think Ben would like this recipe, and what do you think HNB would like my lasagna? I swear if we were rich enough he would tell Ben to quit his job and hire him as his personal chef.”</p><p>“Excuse me,” Rey muffled with her mouth full of burrito, “<em>I’m </em>the one banging him, so he is <em>my </em>personal chef. The position has been filled.”</p><p>“And what are you eating right now? Chipotle or something?”</p><p>Rey swallowed before answering, “Okay, he has an actual career too mind you.”</p><p>“Come on, that boy was whipped before you even started to throw out that punani.”</p><p>A very deep blush came about Rey’s entire being and she was eternally grateful that no one could see her in her shame of scarfing down Mexican fast food yet again and blushing like a school girl because Rose mentioned her mutual crush, “You don’t have to say it like that.”</p><p>“What? It’s true. Need I remind you of my first encounter with him where he was <em>braising a chicken </em>for you—”</p><p>“No, I don’t think I need to remember that horrendous day, thank you.”</p><p>“What, one minute you’re okay with calling him your personal chef and the next you’re ashamed of his devotion?”</p><p>“I—” Rey started, at a loss for words upon hearing of her hypocrisy, “I’m not <em>used </em>to this Rose. I am definitely going to need some adjusting to the fact that we’re even…”</p><p>“Knocking boots on the regular? Doing the devil’s tango? Braising chicken together? <em>Humping</em>?”</p><p>“Would you please—shit, give me some slack here!”</p><p>Rose laughed on the other side of the line while she ate her lunch as well. It was not uncommon for the two women to have a phone conversation if their breaks lined up. Rey was regretting informing Rose of her time off now.</p><p>“No! Remember how much shit you gave me when Finn and I first got together? And how much you would pull out the theatrics whenever he and I would even glance at each other?”</p><p>Rey did in fact recall the ridicule, and she was now abashed at her own behavior. She would often go around telling them to get a room or would pretend to be accosted if they so much as held hands around her. Not to mention all of the times she brought up the fact that they should be thanking her for even getting together in the first place because she had flaked out on them so long ago. Rose still maintained that it would have happened eventually; Rey’s absence just set it in motion more rapidly, Rose claimed.</p><p>She cleared her throat, “<em>Perhaps</em>…”</p><p>“This, my dear, is what we call payback. And we have been waiting a long time for this!”</p><p>Rey wasn’t sure if Rose meant that they had been waiting for Rey to just have someone in her life that they could just make fun of, or since Ben came into it. She supposed that either way, it was a long wait. All of the men in Rey’s life didn’t really have the same pull that Ben has had.</p><p>Rey just sighed at her friend. She knew that she did have this coming, so she kept her mouth shut.</p><p>“And besides,” Rose continued, “<em>you </em>were just as whipped before you got that D, too.”</p><p>Her eyebrows furrowed as she finished up her meal, “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Did you or did you not frequently walk his dog whenever he needed you to, go grocery shopping for him, and do his laundry <em>before </em>you guys even got together?”</p><p>“Well, uh,” Rey recalled volunteering to walk R2 several times without Ben even asking, lugging those huge bags of dog food and organic groceries, and helping him make his bed on several occasions, “I <em>may </em>have, but that’s just because I was already at the store and helping someone make their bed or walk their dog really isn’t that big of a deal.”</p><p>“Sure Jan.”</p><p>The sad part was that thought of being ‘whipped’ hadn’t even occurred to Rey until Rose was pointing it out to her. She just thought that’s what strangers from afar to neighbors to really close friends who were secretly pining for one another all along did for each other, cooking meals and taking care of one another’s pets. <em>Right</em>?</p><p>“Come on, I’ve barely seen you at all since you became a new woman. And I haven’t even seen you with Ben since the reveal brunch! After the surprise public make out session, you guys were barely even hyping up the PDA.”</p><p>Rey opened her mouth a couple of times, taken aback by Rose’s words and then laughed to herself while she thought of her and Ben joking about fucking in front of everyone, only then to feel really shy about it all once everyone actually knew, “A new woman?”</p><p>“You know, someone who is getting dick on the reg.”</p><p>“I am going to pretend that you didn’t just say that.”</p><p>Rose laughed, “Look, Finn and I get it. You guys are still reveling in the newness of it all, so we’ve been trying to give you your space, but just, please? Finn and I are dying over here.”</p><p>Rose merely whined at her again and Rey finally gave in, “Fine, I will ask Ben when he is free.”</p><p>Rey almost had to hang up after Rose squealed at an eardrum popping pitch.</p><p> </p><p>Ben was exhausted but was pretending not to show it as she found a spot a little ways down the street from Finn and Rose’s apartment. She knew he was pulling a lot of late nights because of this new case he had just received, and he and his paralegals were all overworked. His whole demeanor was down as he sighed, rubbing his eyes. Rey reached for his hand once she finished parallel parking, “Hey,” she waited until he met her gaze, “we can reschedule if you want—”</p><p>He shook his head, “No, I hate cancelling. It’s fine Rey, I’ll be fine.”</p><p>Rey still felt unsure, chewing on her lip.</p><p>“Really,” Ben reassured.</p><p>Rey nodded and lifted his hand to kiss his knuckles, “Okay.”</p><p>They got out of the car and Ben walked around to meet her on the sidewalk, “<em>Hey</em>,” he called, grabbing her to his chest.</p><p>Her hands raised up under his arms up his back as she pulled away to look at him, “<em>What</em>?”</p><p>Opening his mouth and then closing it, he leaned in and it looked like he was going to kiss her on the forehead, but then he ended up just blowing a raspberry on it instead.</p><p>“Hey!” She exclaimed, but she was smiling, returning the sentiment on the underside of his chin.</p><p>He grinned stupidly down at her, and his lips were nearing hers, but she knew better, so she stood on her tiptoes to blow onto his mouth before he could do it to her. He still did it back to her anyway, and they were giggling at each other. Rey saw a middle aged looking couple walking past them, giving them a second glance over their shoulders at the strange young people who were performing the most bizarre acts on one another’s mouths, most likely confusing them like no other. Oddly, it made Rey smile even more. It’s not like she hadn’t seen weirder things on the streets of LA. Why would it be so unheard of to see two individuals doing such a thing?</p><p>“Ohhh, you already know all of my moves.” He laughed, pulling away from her.</p><p>She poked him in the chest, “I should think so Solo.”</p><p>“I’ve still got some tricks up my sleeves,” he defended as they started their small walk to Finn and Rose’s building hand in hand, “just you wait.”</p><p>“Then I shall be waiting with bated breath.” She said, scrunching her nose at him.</p><p>They walked in silence for a minute or so as they passed by construction on the street and a few storefronts, which included a hobby shop. Rey observed the models on display. She always thought they were sort of fascinating, creating all those trinkets and the like, but perhaps that was just the scavenger like spirit within her. She wondered how many other girls would find it interesting, “How much do you think the owner of that hobby store gets laid?”</p><p>Ben looked over at it and smirked, “Well I am hoping that he just <em>drowns </em>in pussy.”</p><p>“I should hope so too! I think it’s kind of cool. All those different trinkets in there…maybe we should go take a look—”</p><p>“See! I’m already losing her.” He claimed, swiping Rey off the ground with his arms wrapped around her middle and started to jog further away from the store.</p><p>“Ben! Put me down!” She laughed.</p><p>“I can’t! I’m going to lose you to the hobby store guy, so I’ve got to get you as far away from all those model planes before he can seduce you.”</p><p>She grabbed his face and pressed her lips to his, halting his efforts, “I swear he would only be my side piece; you’d still be my main ho.”</p><p>He smiled, still keeping her suspended in the air, “You say that <em>now</em>, but next thing I know, there’s going to be more and more trinkets here and there in your apartment, and then <em>bam</em>, you’re constructing model trains with him,” he leaned in closer to her ear, “<em>naa-ked</em>.”</p><p>She snorted at the thought of doing that with Ben, and it was not so unappealing, kissing him again, “You’re all the dork I need, trust me.”</p><p>He kissed her all over her face, “Really?” Ben asked, almost presenting himself as skeptical as he beamed at her, so she nodded rapidly at him. He then turned them around, shouting back in the direction of the hobby store, “See! I’m all the dork she needs!”</p><p>She wriggled out of his arms and rolled her eyes in her merriment, trying to keep her resolve, “Come on le <em>dork</em> extraordinaire.”</p><p>Rey dragged him along with that dumb smirk on his face that she could never resist.</p><p>“Do you know what he’s making?” Ben asked her as they rode the elevator up once they had been buzzed into the building.</p><p>“No,” Rey answered, turning to him and couldn’t help but tease him, squeezing his cheek, “but he’s apparently working very hard to impress his cooking idol.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes widened as he fended off her hand, “Gordon Ramsay is going to be here? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have worn something <em>so</em> much more appealing.”</p><p>Rey shoved his shoulder when she saw Ben’s smile and shook her head, waiting for the doors to open.</p><p>“Wait, what do you mean by <em>appealing</em>? Is there something you’re trying to tell me?”</p><p>Ben grinned and leaned in to kiss her, “I thought I was pretty upfront about my feelings for Gordon from the start. If he steps in it’s all over for you.”</p><p>She pushed him away <em>again</em> as she exited the elevator, but he just pulled her in for another kiss.</p><p>“Guess I’ll be free to move in on the hobby shop guy then,” she stated as his mouth left hers and he just nuzzled their noses with a smirk instead, “and anyway, Gordon may be <em>your </em>idol and chef crush, but <em>you </em>are definitely Finn’s.”</p><p>Ben laughed as they began to walk down the hallway, “Like I could hold a candle to that talented man. Have you seen the way he can break down a chicken while <em>blindfolded</em>?”</p><p>Rey was all too familiar with the way Ben gushed over her fellow Brit, “Yes, you’ve told me about it and showed it to me like twenty times.”</p><p>“And I would show it to you again if I didn’t think you would hit me…<em>harder</em>.”</p><p>Sighing, she did not have much of a poker face as she just ended up trying to hide her grin when she looked up into his dopey face again, full of devotion for her, or possibly Gordon Ramsay.</p><p>“If you ran away with Gordon, would you guys at least still cook for me?”</p><p>He raised his hands to hold her face and kissed her softly, “Of course…he’s married anyway, so I don’t think I would have a chance.”</p><p>Before she could respond, Rose opened the door abruptly, and the two reluctantly pulled away, “Are you two going to announce yourselves, or are you going to make out in front of my door all night?”</p><p>Rey’s eyebrows crinkled, “How did you know we were here?”</p><p>Rose scoffed, “I could <em>hear</em> you. What, did you think that right in front of the door was like some soundproof clandestine lover’s spot?”</p><p>Ben was turning red, Rey noticed, and stammered, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Shaking her head, Rose stood aside, welcoming them in, “Don’t be! I am sure you guys want all the kissy time you want all things considered, but Finn has worked very hard on his pot roast!”</p><p>“<em>Honey</em>! Don’t ruin the surprise!” Finn shouted from the kitchen.</p><p>“So sorry!” Rose called back to him and turned to her guests once more, “he’s <em>very</em> excited.”</p><p>As they walked in, Rey was horrified to realize that she completely forgot to warn Ben over all of the relentless teasing they were surely going to receive throughout the night now that everything was out in the open because she looked to him and saw that the tips of his ears were still red. Luckily, Rose said she was going to check on Finn to see how much longer he was going to be, so she told them to make themselves comfortable.</p><p>Rey nodded and led Ben into the living room, and turned to him abruptly, “I am sorry about that.” She whispered.</p><p>He smiled slightly at her, “It’s fine.”</p><p>“No, it’s not. I forgot to tell you to prepare for constant ribbing from the Peanut gallery over there.”</p><p>Ben actually then smiled at her as they sat on the couch together, “I figured there would be. I’ve been getting it from Poe nonstop ever since brunch.”</p><p>Glancing over Ben’s shoulder and not finding anyone in her immediate eyesight, she chanced giving Ben a chaste kiss, pulling away quickly, “Okay, so we’re in this together?”</p><p>He took one of her hands and intertwined their fingers, pressing his lips to her knuckles, “Of course, HNG.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, “Not you too!”</p><p>Footsteps were heard and soon Rose came into view and sighed at them, smiling.</p><p>Rey had an intake of breath as Ben turned to look at her too, “You done?”</p><p>Rose nodded, “Yes, yes. I am sorry, but Rey, would you help me set the table?”</p><p>Standing immediately, Ben stopped her from his seat on the couch and stood as well, “You better let me do that.”</p><p>“No, Ben, it’s okay, I’ve got it,” Rey said.</p><p>“Yes, but I know actually how to set a table.”</p><p>Rey scoffed and crossed her arms, “I know how to set a table.”</p><p>He looked at her disbelievingly, “What side does the fork go on?”</p><p>Wracking her brain for any sort of table etiquette, she loathed that she came up short, “We’re just with friends here! It’s not like the queen is coming!”</p><p>He grinned, “Or Gordon?”</p><p>She resisted the urge to both kiss him and smack him while Rose stood behind them with soft eyes, hand held over her chest, “It’s so nice to see you guys haven’t changed at all now that you’ve banged.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes at her best friend and stalked over to the kitchen.</p><p>Finn was absolutely delighted with himself and beamed at Rey and Ben when they entered, “HNB! I can’t tell you what an honor it is going to be to have you taste my cooking.”</p><p>Ben passed Rey with a soft touch on her shoulders and already started setting the plates and silverware that Rose had laid out, “I am looking forward to it.”</p><p>Rey approached him, and he smiled at her, “Hey Peanut.”</p><p>“What, you’re not excited for me to eat your food?”</p><p>“You’ve eaten my food like a million times already.”</p><p>She huffed at him.</p><p>Smiling, he pulled her in for a side hug, “Of course I am happy to serve you too.”</p><p>Rose and Ben finished setting the table, and Rey admitted to herself that she wouldn’t know what to do when it came to folding the napkins and making sure everything was in the right place, so she opted to stay by Finn. She never would have told Ben that he was right, however.</p><p>It was like seeing a kid on Christmas morning watching Finn’s face when Ben finally took his first bite of the pot roast. Finn looked at him expectantly and Ben chewed a few times before he realized he needed to quell Finn’s expectant eyes.</p><p>“Hmm,” Ben hummed, swallowed and took a sip of his wine, “it’s very good, Finn, thank you.”</p><p>Finn smiled, obviously trying to act casual, forking up his own food, “Oh, no, it’s nothing compared to your cooking, but it’s…something.”</p><p>“No, seriously, you got the meat very tender, which is an all-day task. I’m impressed.”</p><p>Rey thought he started to blush as he downplayed his efforts, “Not a big deal, just something I whipped up, you know. I almost made chicken cordon bleu, but I was more confident with this meal.”</p><p>“I think the roast is very nice too, honey. I am glad you went with this instead of the chicken.” Rose encouraged him and Finn smiled at her.</p><p>“Thank you Rosie.”</p><p>Ben reached over to Rey’s leg and slowly tapped each one of his long fingers on her thigh, and the message was clear when they met eyes. <em>Chicken fingers</em>.</p><p>Rey nearly spit out her wine.</p><p>“You okay?” Rose asked as Rey coughed and was suppressing giggles as Ben’s fingers continued to rap her leg before he just ended up squeezing it, giving her mercy before he went back to his food.</p><p>“Yes, I’m fine. Just went down the wrong pipe.”</p><p>Finn and Ben nerded out on wine pairings for a while, and Rose did even have to comment on how Finn thought he was some kind of expert now, like she did when they were in San Diego, which felt like so long ago now with Ben making his bread in the middle of the night, making Rey swoon by telling her he missed her in his indirect way.</p><p>“I am <em>trying </em>to get into wine more seriously, though Rose doesn’t believe me.”</p><p>Rose snorted but remained quiet, clearly her focus of teasing for the night was not on him, and Rey was sure that Finn had already gotten a ton from her anyway.</p><p>Ben wiped his mouth with his napkin, “It’s a pretty intense crowd. I’ve seen it for myself, especially when you’re talking about getting up into Napa or any other wine country area. My mother has insisted that we go there a few times.”</p><p>Finn’s eyes widened, “Really? I’ve always wanted to go there! I was just talking about that, wasn’t I Rose?”</p><p>“You certainly were.”</p><p>He grinned, “You’ll have to tell me of the places to go.”</p><p>Ben swallowed a bite of his food, “Yes, she and my uncle would argue with you where the better wineries are, but I think she’s steered me in the right direction.”</p><p>Rey was surprised that he even mentioned his mother. Sometimes, he seemed a little ashamed of his parents’ high-class status, but she supposed he was keeping it vague enough.</p><p>“Rose will just have to live with it,” Finn concluded.</p><p>Rose held up her hand with her wine in the other, “Hey, I won’t turn down a vacation of wine tasting. I will just drink it and not be all snooty about it.”</p><p>Finn swirled his glass around and examined it, “She just doesn’t understand.”</p><p>“It has good legs,” Ben commented, “the viscosity pairs well with the roast.”</p><p>Finn closed his eyes and held a hand to his chest, “Thank you Benjamin.”</p><p>Rose laughed, “Why don’t you two just go then and make all of the sommeliers roll their eyes at you?”</p><p>“Oh, trust me Rose, I’ve already done that,” Ben smiled, “my father is the same way. He couldn’t care less about pairings and would just drink it, sometimes roping me in while we offended my mother and uncle.”</p><p>“Okay, I need to hear the details of <em>that </em>story,” Rey admitted, never having caught it before.</p><p>Ben shrugged his shoulders and chewed his bite, “I had just turned twenty-one, and my parents were still in their on again off again <em>on</em> again marriage, so my mother thought it would be a good idea to take a family vacation, and Uncle Luke insisted that he go since we were going to Solvang—it was a special place for him and my mother I guess, and my dad just, did his thing and insisted that I get drunk with him. Though he was disappointed that it was with wine and not whiskey. Not that he didn’t have me secretly sneaking sips of it since I was twelve,” Ben laughed, keeping everyone’s attention, “you should have <em>seen </em>my mom and uncle apologizing to the winery owners when we got all of the patrons to sing ‘Don’t Stop Believin’.’ My dad got an earful that night. Then my uncle just had me smoke weed outside our hotel room with him while they fought. Saying, ‘It’s fine, you’re a man now.’”</p><p>Everyone laughed at his story, and Rey was still amazed how much she still didn’t really know about Ben’s family. She was always in a state of wanting to know more, though, realizing that it had to do with just wanting to know more about him in general, but she also had to admit that she just wanted to hear what it was like to be <em>in</em> a family, dysfunctional or not.</p><p>“Oh, man. Your dad sounds like he knows how to party.” Finn commented.</p><p>Ben went to take a sip of his wine, quirking his brow dubiously, “That he does.”</p><p>When their plates were empty, Rey was a bit more used to Rose and Finn’s chides directed at her and Ben as he stood to help Rose clear the table.</p><p>“Thank you Ben,” she said, smiling at Rey, “I am so glad you guys finally came up for air from all the sex. It is <em>quite</em> the honor to have you join us.”</p><p>Rey sighed, but was too smiling, “You keep it up and we won’t again for a while.”</p><p>“Oh, <em>no</em>, please…don’t say that,” Ben added sarcastically as he smirked at Rey, winking. She smiled back with the slight shake of her head.</p><p>They sat around the coffee table, Cards Against Humanity at the ready. They had gone around quite a few times and Rey thought Ben was getting more and more comfortable as he giggled at his choices as the judge.</p><p>“Okay, the card is ‘It’s a pity that kids these days are getting involved with blank.’”</p><p>Rey looked at her choices and wasn’t exactly thrilled at her options until she stumbled across a card that made her nearly wheeze. Ben eyed her, but she ignored him. Yup, she had to put that one in. Rose and Finn put in their cards, and Ben read them out loud.</p><p>“So you guys put down ‘Doin’ it in the butt,’” Ben laughed, “always of course, doin’ it in the butt, those kids…okay, ‘Extremely tight pants,’ oh, I hope not. That’s how you go sterile! And,” he lifted the last card and stared at it for several long moments, and Rey almost started to question her decision until he started to laugh at it so hard that Rey thought her heart was going to burst when he looked at her, “I know you put in this one.”</p><p>Rey strained to hide her smile, “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“Because it’s so <em>stupid</em>. ‘Hot cheese’? It had to be you. I just,” he wiped at his eye from laughing so much, “I’m just picturing a bunch of teenagers getting involved with an underground hot cheese ring. With cheddar, mozzarella, and gruyere as contraband, sneaking it from their parents.”</p><p>Rey smiled and laughed along with him, and even Rose and Finn joined as well, “Yeah, like just imagine a mom getting a whiff of it on her kid and being all like,” she leaned forward and sniffed at Ben, “is that <em>cheese</em> I smell? You <em>dare </em>bring hot <em>cheese</em> into <em>this </em>house?!”</p><p>Ben’s head fell back against the couch, guffawing and shaking his head, “Oh fuck, stop!” He exclaimed, falling over a bit to the side and holding his stomach, “You’re killing me.”</p><p>Finn and Rose were howling with laughter still too, putting an arm around Rose, “Holy <em>hell </em>you guys are stupid.”</p><p>Ben’s face was much closer to hers now, and it looked like he was going to kiss her, but he didn’t. Instead, he presented the black card to her, “I think I’m going to have to go with this one.”</p><p>Rey took with a sly smile, and then he leaned in to kiss her all the same, a brief moment of soft lips touching hers, “You are stupid.”</p><p>She snorted, “I know, but you still chose mine.”</p><p>Ben shrugged his shoulders, “You make a fair point Kenobi.”</p><p>He smiled and put his hand on her thigh, rubbing it a bit, and then she ended up leaning on to his as well, her head resting on his shoulder.</p><p>Rose and Finn both were looking to each other and then them, grinning their stupid faces off, but Rey paid them no mind as Ben roamed up and down her thigh as Finn went to judge.</p><p>“Okay, the card is ‘When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a plague of blank.’”</p><p>After what felt like hours, and several stacks of discarded white cards all over the place, Ben excused himself to go to the bathroom.</p><p>Rose sighed, leaning forward on the table, “Ohhh, you guys are just <em>so </em>cute!” She said after Ben was out of earshot.</p><p>Finn nodded and joined in, “I know, aren’t they? Seeing all the googly eyes you make at each other is adorable, especially now that you get to do it out in the open!”</p><p>Rey started to blush, “We aren’t <em>that </em>bad.”</p><p>Rose let out a bark of laughter, “Puh-lease! You guys are all like,” she leaned over and upturned her head at Finn and blinked several times, “ohh <em>Beenn</em>! You big giant tree!”</p><p>Finn kept up the charade and deepened his voice, “Oh <em>Rey</em>! Come here you wild little beast,” he impersonated, and then he and Rose made over the top kissing motions at each other for several seconds.</p><p>Rey let out an exaggerated exhale, “You guys…are the worst.”</p><p>Rose was still leaning on Finn and waved a hand at her, “Oh, stop! You know Finn and I could not be happier for you. This is allll just part of the process.”</p><p>Despite herself, Rey smiled down into her lap. Her friends were actually being quite accurate with their parodies, “Whatever.” She let out noncommittally.</p><p>Finn smiled, taking a sip of his wine, “Well you better get used to it girlie because I’ve got long term plans with Ben.”</p><p>Nearly balking at him, Rey held it back when her head motioned up at him, “I’m sorry, what?”</p><p>Finn raised one of his eyebrows at her with a tilt of his head, “Ben and I are going to open a winery together, obviously.”</p><p>Rey sniggered, “Does he know this?”</p><p>He shrugged, “Details.”</p><p>Rose and Finned eyed each other and then giggled, and Rey really wished she knew what they were so amused by, but before she could ask, Ben was walking back from the bathroom and was back at her side again.</p><p>He smiled, crossing his lanky legs and leaned back against the couch, “Did I miss anything exciting?”</p><p>Rey opened her mouth and then paused, “Finn wants to open up a winery with you.”</p><p>Finn was then holding up his wine glass and examining it seriously before his gaze met Ben’s, “It’s true.”</p><p>The ironic part of it was that Rey was pretty sure that Ben’s family probably had enough money that they probably <em>could </em>open up a winery, if they hadn’t already.</p><p>“It would be an honor Finnegan,” Ben responded, holding up his own glass.</p><p>“Oh, would <em>you </em>two get a room? Jeez, this was supposed to be about giving Rey and Ben shit for the night hun.” Rose rebuked as she rolled her eyes, but then ultimately giggled when she saw Finn’s feigned hurt expression, so she leaned over and kissed him.</p><p>After Ben and Finn briefly discussed what kind of wine they would want to craft at their winery, the four continued their game until Rey slowly descended her head into Ben’s lap.</p><p>“Rey?” Ben nudged her.</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“It’s your turn.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” she contended and tried to reach for a black card from her place, nearly knocking over one of the stacks of discarded white cards next to it. Ben just ended up handing it to her anyway, “I could have gotten it.”</p><p>He ran his hand down her arm, “Sure you could have.”</p><p>She scoffed at him and situated herself on her back, reading it above her head, “‘What’s a girl’s best friend?’”</p><p>It took a minute or so for everyone to put in their cards, and Ben let her reach for them clumsily without protest; she successfully got them after a few attempts.</p><p>She read the first one and nearly choked on her laughter, “Okay, very funny you guys, ‘Sexual tension.’ I get it. Ben and I took forever to bang, ha <em>ha</em>.”</p><p>Everyone else joined in her merriment, and she just ended up picking that one anyway, and Ben took the black card from her and she narrowed her eyes up at him, grinning slightly.</p><p>“And so eloquently put, I think.” He commented.</p><p>“The banging?” She asked as her smile grew.</p><p>His hand continued to roam up and down her arm, then landed on her face before he spoke, a warm expression all over his face, “Yes, the banging.”</p><p>Then he smiled down at her as he ran his fingers through her hair, and her heart felt overwhelmed.</p><p>“See, <em>this</em> is where you would tell them to get a room, Finn.” Rose chided from where Rey couldn’t see her from her position anymore, the coffee table obscuring her view.</p><p>“Yes, I see, very <em>eloquently</em> <em>put</em>, dear,” Finn responded in a scholarly tone.</p><p>“Ben, I can’t see them, so please glare at them for me,” Rey demanded from the floor.</p><p>“Don’t bring Ben into this!” Finn shouted in her direction.</p><p>“Well, to be fair, I was party to the aforementioned banging many, many times, so,” he defended, sighing deeply, and Rey watched him from above her give them a very convincing glare. He held up his hand and gestured from his eyes with his two fingers and pointed to them, signaling that he was watching them.</p><p>“That was hard to watch,” Finn fake sniffled, “I never thought he would look at me like that Rosie.”</p><p>Rey heard some sort of comfort from Rose and Ben apologized, stating that it had to be done. Turning to her side again so that her head was facing Ben, she wrapped her arms around his torso, “See he is on <em>my</em> side, Finn. Not yours.”</p><p>Finn huffed, “Must be because of the banging.”</p><p>Ben smiled down at her and glided his fingers in her hair again, chuckling. Rey closed her eyes, trying to process the fact that she was here with her two best friends and Ben like this. She hugged Ben harder.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was trying to survey the snacks in Rose and Finn’s kitchen as she was feeling snacky after they started to finish up their game. She had gone to the bathroom and beelined into the kitchen with what she hoped were no watchful eyes on her. She knew Finn always had a stash of Hot Cheetos around, not being able to resist their call either. Her eyes scanned and scanned until they settled on their prize. She had only barely opened the bag and shoveled down one handful before Finn was walking into the kitchen too, a full on glare immediately gracing his face.</p><p>“Those my Hot Cheets Kenobi?”</p><p>Mouth full of the unhealthy treat, she shook her head, “<em>No</em>.”</p><p>He shook his head at her and ventured over, grabbing a handful as well as he leaned against the counter next to her, “So.”</p><p>Rey didn’t feel very ladylike, talking with so much with her in her mouth like this, but once a gremlin always a gremlin she figured, “So.”</p><p>Finn smiled as he munched along, “I like seeing you like this.”</p><p>Rey furrowed her eyebrows at him, “What, knee deep in your Cheetos?”</p><p>“Nooo,” he exaggerated, getting more of the red goodness, “you and Ben. You guys are like the personification of the heart eyes emoji at each other. I mean, you have been this whole time, but at least you can be open about it now.”</p><p>Rey blushed, swallowing harshly, “Oh.”</p><p>Finn sucked on his fingers and leaned back on the counter, crossing his arms, “You know Rey, ever since I met you, I knew you were strong and resilient. And if anyone is going to understand what you have been through, it’s me. But…I don’t know, I’ve always sort of known I wasn’t going to be the person you really let your guard down around.”</p><p>She looked to him, feeling completely guilty. He could tell?</p><p>“Finn—”</p><p>He held up a hand to her, “No, no you don’t need to apologize. I know how you work at this point, Rey. I wasn’t supposed to be that person for you anyway. You’re my best friend and I love you, but I totally understand why you do it.”</p><p>Rey looked down at the floor, “Do what?”</p><p>Finn continued next to her, “Keep everyone at a certain distance. I know you haven’t told me about everything, but I know enough to know why that’s why you do it.”</p><p>She felt like she had suddenly lost her appetite, so she placed the bag on the counter and sighed, “Yeah.”</p><p>“But with Ben…I don’t know, you just…seem like…maybe you could. Somehow find a way to let him in.”</p><p>Rey almost felt tears in her eyes and tried to hold them in. Hearing someone else saying it out loud made it so much more real. What if this was all too good to be true? This sort of thing…it was never something she ever knew how to handle.</p><p>“Do you remember Will?” She asked suddenly.</p><p>Finn raised an eyebrow at her, “The guy you dated in college for like two years? Yeah, I think I remember him.”</p><p>She felt far off in her mind as she formulated her thoughts, “He…he always got mad at me for not being emotionally available. And he would just—force it. He would force it and force it and force it until we were both so frustrated and I just didn’t even want to look at him anymore.”</p><p>“I remember.”</p><p>He certainly did. Finn was always the one she’d call when her and Will would get in yet another argument over <em>feelings</em>, Rey’s decided least favorite topic in the world besides talking about her past, “Finn, I used to think I just really didn’t—I didn’t even <em>have </em>those emotions. I—I thought I was broken…I’m <em>still </em>broken I…I just can’t—I don’t know if it will be <em>enough</em>—”</p><p>Finn stopped her from her thoughts by suddenly embracing her, “Oh, my Peanut, why have you deluded yourself so much to think that being broken was such a bad thing?”</p><p>“Because it <em>is</em>.” She wailed into his shoulder.</p><p>“No, no it’s not. It makes you who you are,” he said, pulling away from her and bracing his hands on her shoulders, “and who <em>you </em>are is someone who yes, has been through something truly horrific that <em>no one </em>should have to endure,” his hand lifted her chin so she would look at his soft brown eyes, “but that doesn’t <em>define </em>who you are. Because you are so many other things, Rey. And I only hope that one day you’ll be able to see that too. I know I have, and Rose and Jess, and so has <em>Ben</em>.”</p><p>She looked down at the floor and smiled, recalling Ben’s confession to her that night of his admiration for her.</p><p>She was enough for him it seemed. But…was she enough for herself?</p><p>Looking back up at Finn, she smiled, “Thank you.”</p><p>He shook his head, “No need to thank me ever Peanut.”</p><p>Rey roped him into another hug. How lucky she was to have such an amazing best friend.</p><p>By the time she walked back into the living room, Ben’s long form was asleep on the couch with Rose watching something on the TV. Rey almost wanted to take a picture of him, his head back with his mouth open, her slumbering sasquatch.</p><p>“He fell asleep as soon as you left.” Rose giggled as Finn joined her on the love seat, still grasping the Cheetos bag. Rose reached over and got a handful herself.</p><p>Rey shook her head and approached him, sitting on the floor, “He’s been super exhausted from work lately. Just picked up a pretty demanding case.”</p><p>“So much for lawyering being boring and not being <em>sexy</em>,” Finn commented.</p><p>Rey looked back at the couple, “Everything he does is sexy.”</p><p>Finn snorted at her and just kept munching along, “Okay, we <em>get </em>it Rey, you’ve got the mad hots for Solo over there.”</p><p>Turning her head with a smile, she observed Ben once more. This was entirely <em>too </em>familiar from the night of the ear caress incident. Only now, she could openly gawk at him as her fingers lifted again to comb through the hair against his forehead. After a few seconds, he slowly opened his eyes at her, and they already felt so warm as he blinked at her a couple of times before smiling slowly. She felt her heart skip a beat as her hand traveled down to his ear, fingertips exploring the shell until they were met with the lobe where she gently touched it with her digits. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, and his chest filled with the longest intake of air. He slowly exhaled and focused his eyes back on her as her thumb outlined his ear lobe again. Rey felt herself staring back intensely before her eyes danced across his face.</p><p>Ben brought his arm to run his hand up her throat until his fingers slid up her jaw to cradle her face. Rey was already trekking her hand down his neck at this point, across his collarbone, and gripped his shoulder.</p><p>Rey let out a tiny gasp after his thumb ran across her bottom lip, and as she parted her mouth to him, he gently brought her face to his. Ben leaned forward, and she angled her upper torso closer until the couch was completely restricting further movement.</p><p>Their eyes met again with knowing smiles that graced both their faces before Ben shook his head and rested his forehead on Rey’s. She nudged his nose with her own and felt Ben close the distance, pressing his lips to her own. They kissed slowly for several seconds, relishing in the feeling of their mouths coming together before it deepened with Rey’s tongue flitting across Ben’s lip. She grasped his face once more as his tongue met hers and—</p><p>Finn cleared his throat somewhere in the distance, which caused them to cease their almost tonsil hockey session, and they chuckled at themselves for forgetting that they were not alone and were probably putting on quite the show. Ben leaned in for one more kiss and shrugged like he was completely unapologetic.</p><p>Rose spoke up behind them with some levity in her voice, “You guys can’t fuck on our couch go fuck on your own couch.”</p><p>Apparently undeterred by Rose and Finn’s presence, Ben leaned forward and whispered in her ear, “That’s what I wanted to do the first time.”</p><p>And when they pulled away, the look Ben was giving her made her want to melt into the floor, and she kissed him again fervently, not even caring about the snide remarks from her friends.</p><p>After their mouths parted again, Rey just leaned her head back against the cushion, and Ben buried his face in her hair. His hand drifted just below her collar bone, right above her breast where it remained for the majority of the night.</p><p>Rey didn’t know when she had fallen asleep against Ben’s arm, but suddenly she was being roused awake by him.</p><p>“Rey, I think it’s time to get going.” His voice stated.</p><p>Rey shook her head into the couch, “No<em>oooo</em>.”</p><p>She protested a few more times before she was too sluggish to answer, and the next thing she knew, Ben was waking her up again, telling her that they were going to leave. She turned away from him, stating that she just needed a few more minutes. When did she get so tired? Wasn’t he supposed to be the exhausted one? That brief nap he took must have given him a second wind.</p><p>“Mm<em>mmm</em>, just a few more minutes.”</p><p>“You said that five minutes ago.” He said gently.</p><p>“Five more minutes.” She answered.</p><p>If she fell asleep again, she wasn’t aware because then Ben was there once more, “I am going to hoist you over my shoulder if you don’t get up, missy.”</p><p>“Sure, sure.” She ventured noncommittally, but all of a sudden, she was being lifted off the floor and Ben’s expansive back was in her view. She was fully awake now. Why was he <em>insisting</em> on picking her up without her consent so much tonight?</p><p>“Ben! Stop! I can walk!”</p><p>“No, you lost walking privileges.”</p><p>She beat at his back with her fists, knowing it was a lost cause, but did it anyway.</p><p>Finn and Rose were at the door, and Ben greeted them, “Thank you for the lovely evening. The food was delicious.”</p><p>“Thank you sir.” She heard Finn say. Then the door was opening and Rey saw them from her position.</p><p>“Ben! Put me down, I want to say bye to our hosts.”</p><p>Rose grabbed her hand, “I’m sorry Rey, but he did say you lost walking privileges.”</p><p>Rose then squeezed it with a very smug grin. Oh, Rose was going to pay for that later. Finn had a similar expression and waved at her while they were behind her now, the hallway coming into view. When the door closed, Rey said nothing. It wasn’t until they were waiting for the elevator that she spoke again.</p><p>“Okay, seriously! Put me down. I’m getting a head rush here.”</p><p>Instead of putting her down, he flipped her over his shoulder so that she was now being held bridal style in his arms.</p><p>“When do I get walking privileges again?”</p><p>He shrugged, “When you learn to be a proper guest.”</p><p>She leaned into his shoulder, “You’re stupid.”</p><p>The elevator doors opened and he walked them inside while he pressed his lips to her forehead, “I know.”</p><p>He drove her car back home, and they held hands the whole time. When he parked her car, he got out and around to open her door for her, and she lifted her arms to him, playing into his charade. He smiled at her and lifted her out of the car, carrying her all the way up to her apartment. Then they were in her bedroom and he placed her on the bed. She toed out of her shoes while Ben left the room, saying he would be back soon after he walked R2.</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll be asleep when I get back.”</p><p>“No I won’t.”</p><p>He just smiled at her as she turned to her side, and he kissed her ear.</p><p>About fifteen minutes later, Ben returned, and she was still awake and ready for him, sans of all clothing. He didn’t enter the room immediately, but she heard R2 clacking around happily. Rey grew impatient, so she started herself off slowly, dipping a languorous finger into her cunt. She thought of the whole night and how much Ben showed her friends that he cared for her, and truth be told she had been wanting to resolve the sexual tension she was feeling—maybe it really was a girl’s best friend—after all the talk of the banging. The thought of Ben being inside of her woke her up more than anything else. Hopefully it would rouse him more too.</p><p>Finally, she heard Ben approaching her room, and she had already worked herself up into a heightened sexual frenzy. When he passed the threshold to the door, he wasn’t looking at her as his gaze was on his phone, but she waited, slowly easing into her hand patiently. He walked in a couple more steps and glanced over at her and then did a sudden double take, nearly dropping his phone. His breath hitched as their eyes met, and he made his way to her, crawling onto the bed unhurriedly while he lifted his shirt over his head.</p><p>“You got started without me.” He said huskily, kissing her thigh, grasping the hand that was still stroking herself and sucked on the fingers slowly.</p><p>“You didn’t even think I would be awake.”</p><p>“If this is how you choose to prove me wrong, I am fully okay with it.”</p><p>He spread her legs more with his hands and pressed several kisses in a line down to the juncture of her thigh until he reached his destination, licking up her slit as his palms raised to her hips, driving her a little mad as she felt like she was already halfway there before he even stepped in. She ran her fingers through his hair and tugged at it slightly, something she had noticed he really seemed to like, and she was rewarded with a groan.</p><p>“God, I love your little cunt.” He purred into her as he continued to lavish her folds, working up to her clit, his tongue swirling around it.</p><p>Rey felt herself climbing towards that plateau, gasping a bit before biting onto her lip. She was so close now that she all but shoved his face into her as her thighs tightened slightly around him.</p><p>And Ben always seemed to know when she was; he was a fast learner because when her breathing began to labor, his thumbs made circles of their own her hip bones before traced around her clit again with his tongue, but not quite touching it before he was back down to her entrance again.</p><p>He had successfully taken to her to edge and pulled back, the <em>tease</em>. Now he was nuzzling his face against her and humming, “Are you always this wet for me?”</p><p>Rey was concentrating on not going feral and demanding he finish what he started instead of focusing on his question, “W-what?”</p><p>Chuckling into her, he kissed at her before he looked up at her with dark eyes, “Have you always been this wet for me Rey?”</p><p>She threw her head back on the pillow. What a ridiculous question. It was so obvious that she didn’t feel like it even warranted an answer.</p><p>Though, did Ben know that? Had she ever said it out loud to him?</p><p>Rey lifted her head back to him and stared back intensely, “Yes Ben, I have.”</p><p>He kept eye contact with her as one of his hands slid to the underside of her, slowly making its way until one of his fingers was encircling her cunt, “Good.” He said as the finger dipped into her before quickly adding a second as they pumped into her. Then his lips were on her clit again, finally giving it enough attention as he sucked on the nub, causing her back to arch off the bed somewhat. There were soon the telltale signs of the orgasm she had been edging nearer and nearer towards until it finally careened into her as she grasped at the bedsheets.</p><p>He continued to use his mouth on her through the duration of it, and then it still didn’t leave her as he made his way up her body, laying kisses on her thigh, hip, belly button, and then between her breasts has his hands palmed both of them and she sighed again in pleasure.</p><p>“I also love your little perfect tits.” He stated, and then was doing that thing with his tongue that always made her feel absolutely insane as it circumvented around her nipple before he took it in his mouth.</p><p>Her hands found his hair again, and she felt herself in quite the heady state as he fixated on her chest, both sucking and biting. It hurt in all the best ways.</p><p>He eventually pushed himself upwards and Rey nearly protested before she realized that he was unbuttoning his jeans, so she sat up to help him, stilling his hands. He let them drop, and she slowly unzipped him, working his pants down his hips.</p><p>She let her fingers splay across about everywhere she could reach, including his lower back and buttocks before her fingers hooked his boxer briefs and worked them down as well. She gradually let her fingers run themselves against his length, barely touching it as he grunted.</p><p>Rey leaned in to kiss and lick the tip of it, causing him to cradle the back of her head, his fingers in her hair.</p><p>She heard him whisper an obscenity as she took him in her mouth, pushing herself as far as she could go and his hips jerked into her further, almost causing her to choke, but not quite. She took it all as she relaxed her throat, and she began to work her tongue around him too, starting at the tip and then down the shaft.</p><p>“Fuck.” He whispered as one hand was still in her hair and the other touched her face, and then skimmed down to caress one of her breasts again, pinching her nipple. His groans gave her so much satisfaction as she continued her motions, looking up at him only to see him completely lost in the moment with his eyes closed and teeth sunken into his lip.</p><p>Before long, he was tugging at her to pull her up so she was kneeling with him and he captured her lips, cradling her head again with such tenderness. She helped him completely remove his pants as they continued to kiss and he held her close as his hands slid up her back. He sucked on her lip as he drew her hips into his. Then he smiled against her mouth before he was suddenly flipping her around, and bent her over, quickly lining his length with her and glided into her easily.</p><p>His hands were grabbing her hips again tightly while he slowly pulled himself out of her and pushed himself back in deliciously. Rey gasped as he continued his pace in and out of her, working his hips against her backside. One of his hands ran itself up and down her spine as the other stayed steady on her hip, and she let out a noise that made him go faster, “Your pussy takes my cock so well Rey…so well so—” he grunted out as he continued fucking into her, “does your pussy like taking my cock like that?”</p><p>Her breaths were synchronized with his thrusts, “Yes.”</p><p>As he continued this, she felt herself unraveling, and it didn’t feel like it was just sexually. How was it, that this man that was pounding into her so enticingly knew so much about her and her body so well? She had never been with anyone who listened to her in so many different ways, whether it be late ridiculous late night theories on just about anything to taking in and understanding what aroused her and got her going the most.</p><p>So he was here, seeing something in her that she had never really seen for herself.</p><p>She pushed herself up against him and he gladly continued to push and pull in and out of her as he held her close, one hand working down to her clit and the other reaching across her chest to palm her breast. His mouth found his way to her neck, and she was feeling herself building to another climax.</p><p>“Are you going to come for me Rey?” He whispered in her ear as his fingers worked over her body so expertly.</p><p>All she could do was nod as she felt his body flush with hers, but in her head she never wanted him to stop as the all encompassing <em>keep going keep going keep going</em> thoughts plagued her brain, and then she was reaching behind her and grasped his scalp before his mouth was breathing harshly against her neck.</p><p>“<em>Rey</em>.” He whispered so quietly into her skin, that she had barely heard it.</p><p>It did not take her long after that while his finger still favored her nub, and as she was finishing again on him while both his hands grasped at her hips again and he grunted with fervor. Rey turned her head to kiss him, hand sliding to his face before she was leaning down again, and he started working himself into her relentlessly, his palm steadying her on her lower back.</p><p>His breathing quickened and suddenly he was slowing himself down as if to drag out the feeling before he was met with his climax. They both exhaled a few times still in that position, and then he pulled her down with her as he sat on the bed, securing her into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her, lips at her shoulder.</p><p>“I’ll still never get enough of you Rey, ever.”</p><p>She filled her lungs completely, unable to respond. Her feelings were always all over the map when she was around Ben. Rey lifted herself up and turned around to face him, their eyes meeting while she surrounded his face. Her fingers traversed against his skin until they were met with both his ears and her mouth was on his in a deliberate manner while her legs encircled him as much as they could. He met her mawkishness with his arms around her midsection as they slanted their mouths over one another.</p><p>Then he was lowering them on the bed again as they continued to kiss for several seconds, and then he was rolling them to their sides as he pulled away and smiled at her, slowly kissing all over her face. He ended with a kiss on the tip of her nose, and their eyes met.</p><p>Their matching grins gave her big foots in her stomach.</p><p>He reached up to comb through her hair, “So, proving me wrong really does it for you?”</p><p>“Oh yes,” Rey giggled, “you found my ultimate kink.”</p><p>He kept his gaze on her as his fingers found her cheek, “Then I will never be right.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “I’m going to hold you to that, I hope you know.”</p><p>He smiled and leaned into her, resting his head on her chest, and she thought she would never tire of his locks in her hands.</p><p>“I know.” He whispered and kissed the skin on her sternum and brought his arms around her.</p><p>Rey tried to fight off sleep as long as she could because she didn’t want this moment to be over; she was just so exceedingly happy as she heard Ben’s breathing deepen against her, and she took the time to trace his lips with her index finger and sighed, reflecting on what Finn had said to her earlier. She was broken, but that never seemed to matter to Ben, and…well…he seemed rather broken himself as they lay here together in their space suits.</p><p>“Oh, B.” She whispered into the dead air of her room.</p><p>She counted the birthmarks and freckles all over his face until her eyes drifted shut, her finger still resting on the one just above his eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>There is always this moment at some point when Rey began her adolescence that she knew every person born as a biological female experience in their lifetime, and that was waking up and just knowing. <em>Knowing </em>that you just started menstruating. It was a horrible feeling, the complete raunch of it all as you tried to roll off the bed, shuffle to the bathroom without compromising anything, and not falling on your ass. It was a very delicate dance.</p><p>And it was one Rey knew very well unfortunately as she carted herself over, groaning to herself and cursing herself for being a woman. There was of course all of the awful cramps, the bloating, the heightened emotionality, and the general feeling of just utter grossness to it all as well.</p><p>In this moment, Rey also found herself with another problem and was blaspheming Rey from last month that promised she was actually going to go out and buy more tampons because as soon as Rey grabbed the box she kept in one of her drawers, she found that past her was an inconsiderate bitch for future Rey yet again. Only two left. Great. Fine. <em>Dandy</em>.</p><p>Rey sighed and groaned again as she exited the bathroom and began to dig around in her dresser for the first pair of sweatpants and hoodie she could find. She was yet again understandably cranky, so she wasn’t trying at all to be quiet. It was almost at the point where she didn’t even care she was being thoughtless because it felt like someone was stabbing her uterus and she had bigger problems to focus on.</p><p>She noticed Ben gingerly propping himself up on one of his elbows while rubbing his eye, “What are you doing Reymond?”</p><p>Rey grunted as if his question somehow offended her very being while she pulled on her hoodie.</p><p>It’s not as if she could be coy about this; they had sex so much that he was bound to notice her declining it, and she really didn’t care. Rey was never one to be embarrassed in the store buying female necessities anyway, and besides, Ben was a grown ass man who has definitely had at least one girlfriend before.</p><p>She turned to him in a huff, “I have started my period Benjamin. And now I have to go to the store because last month Rey <em>despises </em>me because she forgot to buy more tampons and I have the <em>worst</em> cramps and I hate everything right now.”</p><p>Rey saw him visibly frown as she stomped her closet to find her Ugg boots to throw on. She soon heard Ben shuffling behind her, “What do you <em>want</em>?”</p><p>His hands were on her shoulders, and he was turning her around before she could finish putting on her second boot. She would have felt angry if she hadn’t looked up and seen the expression on Ben’s face. Why <em>must</em> he when she was too busy hating everything right now?</p><p>“I can go to the store for you,” he declared, holding her close before she could protest, “just tell me which ones to get.”</p><p>The fact that he was still naked was <em>not </em>helping the situation either. She held her fists as his chest, “No, Ben. It’s <em>fine</em>. I can do it.”</p><p>She heard him chuckle as her face was still firmly planted in between those tits that always made her lose all brain functioning, “I had a feeling you were going to say that.”</p><p>Huffing, she took in his stupidly amazing scent, “Shut up. I can’t deal with this right now.”</p><p>“Deal with what?”</p><p>“You…being all…<em>Benish</em>.”</p><p>“I didn’t realize I was an adjective.”</p><p>She peered up at him finally with a grimace as if that was something he was supposed to know, “Don’t be stupid Ben of course you are.”</p><p>“And what does this sort of honor entail?”</p><p>Rey sighed, rolling her eyes, “It’s like the sort of adjective that encapsulates someone who would name his neighbor’s plants, tells said neighbor her cooking needs more salt, hates jazz, bakes bread for the same annoying neighbor on a regular basis, then fucks her into a different timeline on the regular, and offers to buy tampons without question, and is just…<em>Ben</em>.”</p><p>He smirked and dipped down to kiss her forehead, “I don’t know about you, but that guy sounds very annoying.”</p><p>Then he kissed her on the mouth before he picked her up bridal style and walked her back to bed where he placed her back on it. She sighed, “<em>Beeeyyn</em>, please. I promise I can do it.”</p><p>But he was already pulling off her one boot and covered her with the sheets, “Then how bout you just let me? Since we both know you can certainly do it yourself.”</p><p>“That…doesn’t make any sense.”</p><p>He booped her nose, “Exactly.”</p><p>She groaned as he reached for his boxer briefs, which was followed by his jeans, “<em>Noooo</em>, you can’t.”</p><p>“But I already am.”</p><p>It really wasn’t fair that she was usually also unquestionably horny while she was on her period, which was paired with an unfortunate ambiance of not feeling sexy in any capacity. And now she was having to watch Ben zip up his pants looking sexy as <em>hell</em>.</p><p>“Well…let me like, give you a blow job or something in return.”</p><p>He chuckled as he found his shirt that he unfortunately had to put on, “If you <em>insist</em>.”</p><p>Rey honestly hated feeling like she had a debt to anyone, even Ben. Offering him oral sex was at least <em>something </em>she could do in order to not feel so helpless as she groaned again with another pang of horrendous cramps.</p><p>And now he was being <em>such </em>an asshole as he kneeled down next to her and pushed her hair back and kissed her forehead again, “Which ones does my little gremlin need?”</p><p>She pouted, jutting out her lip with much exaggeration, “There’s a box on the counter in the bathroom.”</p><p>He nudged his nose with hers and then kissed her, “Perfect. I’ll be back in a little while, alright?”</p><p>Honestly, she hated him.</p><p>“Okay.” She said softly.</p><p>Then he was standing up, walking into the bathroom to take note of Rey’s preference, and he was at her doorway before she could fully comprehend what he was doing, “Ben?”</p><p>He turned, hand on the frame, “Yeah?”</p><p>Rey exhaled, “T-thank you.”</p><p>Really, he could have said something completely snarky, but instead, he just smiled, “You’re welcome.”</p><p>She suspected that she was asleep again within minutes after he left, feeling exhausted as if stomping around with an attitude was a strenuous activity. Rey laughed to herself. Of course it was.</p><p> </p><p>When she woke up again with what she was pretty sure was a semi-truck sitting on her uterus, she groaned and turned over, not wanting to deal with anything. She knew, however, that she couldn’t as her womanly duties were calling to her.</p><p>Somehow, finding the new box in the bathroom was a surprising event to her like she was expecting Ben to be a scheming douchebag that in fact didn’t mean what he said, which oddly enough would have been easier for her to wrap her head around instead of this.</p><p>Rey looked at herself in the mirror after she was finished with complete remonstration, feeling and looking disgusting as she threw her hair into the messiest bun she probably had ever seen. The biggest priority was for her to get to her Advil in order to combat the stabbing in her lady parts. She opened up her medicine cabinet and retrieved it, not even caring that she had to swallow it with sink water because <em>fuck </em>she didn’t know what she had done in her life to deserve such torture.</p><p>By the time she was shuffling into the kitchen, she was about done with Ben’s shenanigans.</p><p>He was at the stove, cooking some kind of amazing something she was sure, and she collapsed herself on the couch with her eyes still on him. Ben had changed into some unfairly attractive dark grey <em>juust </em>the right fit sweatpants and a tight white t shirt, the forever <em>asshole</em>. R2 trotted over to her and started to whine for pets, to which she obliged for a few strokes.</p><p>“Good Morning Ms. Kenobi.” He smiled at her, and Rey just puffed in response.</p><p>Normally she was better at this, covering up her absolute amazement at everything that was Benjamin Anakin Solo, but right now, in the moment watching him cook for her, turning on the tea kettle, seeing that he had bought her strawberry cupcakes that were on the counter, everything else he had done that morning, and how emotional and gross she felt, it was all too much.</p><p>She started crying, sinking down onto the couch.</p><p>Ben heard her and immediately turned off the stove and rushed over to her, holding her face closely, “What’s <em>wrong</em>—”</p><p>“Why are you being so—so,” she sniffled, “so—”</p><p>He smiled, “So Ben?”</p><p>“Yes! I can’t handle this right now. You are being too wonderful and it’s just <em>too much </em>and I don’t—I can’t—<em>you</em> can’t—”</p><p>“Rey, please calm down,” he soothed, his thumb rubbing over her cheek, wiping at a tear, “I can still be like super annoying if that will make you feel better.”</p><p>She nodded strongly.</p><p>Ben smirked, leaning in to kiss her lips, “Great. Then I get to choose any movie we watch today. And I’m going to be super picky about it.”</p><p>Rey smiled, feeling another round of tears, “You better take forever choosing, pouring over every selection and reading every description, and just when it seems like you are going to select something, you just go back to your first original choice.”</p><p>He smiled, “Deal.”</p><p>Kissing her on the forehead, he stood up when the tea kettle began to yell, and he jogged over to it and turned it off. Rey just sat there and watched him in awe as if she had never seen the process of tea being prepared before. He brought it over to her as she was still spread out across the couch, and she looked up at him with glassy eyes.</p><p>“Your tea madam.”</p><p>She sat up and huffed, “B<em>eeeyyn</em>, you’re still being too nice.”</p><p>He blinked at her a few times, “Oh, okay…um, here’s your tea, you pesky little desert rat.”</p><p>Rey sniffled, reaching out for the mug, smelling at the oolong, “Thank you.”</p><p>He tilted his head at her, “You’re…not welcome?”</p><p>Nodding, she wiped at her eyes with her free hand, “That’s right, I’m not.”</p><p>Ben shook his head with a grin and walked back over to the kitchen to finish his concoction.</p><p>Rey hugged at Ben’s middle after the Advil kicked in and she ate the bacon and omelette he made her. He even got her a cup of ice to munch on, stating it was better to take it out her aggression that way instead of on him. She rolled her eyes and snatched the cup from him. And as promised, she felt like stabbing him as he decanted through the movie selections over and <em>over</em>, but it still made her smile like an idiot under him.</p><p>Once he finally picked something, Rey stayed in that position until he pulled her up and settled her in between his legs, so he could let down her hair and comb through the strands with his fingers. After he had nearly put her in a trance with his thick digits against her scalp, he started to braid her hair. She sniffled again, so he started making dumb comments and asked a ton of questions during the movie, which he knew drove her up the wall normally, but right now it just made her giggle because he was making such an effort to be irritating for her. Which he was only doing in the first place as a result of being too amazing.</p><p>“You know,” Ben started as his fingers expertly worked through her locks, “you being all <em>Reyish </em>drives me crazy too.”</p><p>Rey smiled, leaning her head back as he relished in the feeling of his hands all over her head, “Yeah? And what would <em>that </em>entail?”</p><p>He chuckled, leaning forward to lay a kiss on her crown, “Someone who cares enough about someone they’ve never met to buy their depressed neighbor cupcakes, continues to cheer or maybe even <em>annoy </em>said neighbor into a better mood every time he is grumpy, is a general ray of sunshine in his life, learned how to cook and then makes dinner for him, and fucks <em>him </em>so amazingly he questions whether or not this is his reality after every single time,” he explained, then leaning in closer to her while he snaked his arms around her, “that’s enough to drive a man mad, Rey Kenobi.”</p><p>She felt a little speechless, which was not a rare occurrence for herself around him she supposed, “Is that a good thing?”</p><p>Ben kissed the shell of her ear before he pulled away to finish her braid, “It’s the best.”</p><p>Rey snuggled into his lap when he finished, wanting to feel completely encompassed by him, her life ruiner, her invigoration, her sasquatch.</p><p> </p><p>That night, they lay in her bed watching <em>Dumb and Dumber </em>with Ben up against the headboard and Rey on top of him, the back of her head on his chest. She had a bowl of popcorn Ben had prepared under her chest that they were sharing.</p><p>Neither of them could really stop quoting the movie as it came. They acted out the scene where Harry and Lloyd picked up the nefarious hitchhiker with Ben pinching at her sides during the ‘tag’ part, and telling her that <em>she</em> was the most annoying sound in the world. Rey blindly smacked him in the face as a result, but he just kept giggling anyway as she made the same sound as Lloyd, only confirming his point, but she didn’t care.</p><p>Rey could already feel Ben’s laughter shaking her head when the infamous duo fought about how cold it was outside.</p><p>She raised her hands around Ben’s neck behind her, “Reymond, your hands <em>are </em>freezing what the fuck no wonder you’re always so cold.” He said as her hands were locked onto him.</p><p>Ben peeled her hands off and warmed them between his own, kissing her knuckles, “My poor icy girl.”</p><p>She laughed at him, freeing one of her hands from him to grab more popcorn, but then Ben’s massive palm shot under hers, stealing the kernels she intended to get for herself. Then he did it again when she attempted it a second time.</p><p>“Hey! Get your sasquatch hands out of my way!”</p><p>She heard his stupid laughter above her, “Oh? I’m so sorry, did you want some popcorn?”</p><p>Rey just growled in response.</p><p>Then Ben shoved the popcorn he had in his hand into her mouth, “There you gooo.”</p><p>She chomped at it, intentionally biting at one of his fingers.</p><p>“Ow!” He exclaimed, pulling his hand away from her, “No! <em>Bad</em> gremlin!”</p><p>“Come on Ben you were asking for that one.” She responded, grabbing for yet another handful.</p><p>He chuckled, brushing back her hair, “You’re so right,” he stated, kissing her temple, “that’s what I get for messing with the gremlin.”</p><p>“Mm<em>hmm</em>,” she whirred in between her munching.</p><p>Ben’s hands lowered down her body, snaking under her shirt and gently brushed over her midsection, “And how’s my lady’s uterus? Still paining her?”</p><p>She sighed, then groaned, “<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p>Unexpectedly, Ben took the bowl off of her and placed it on the bed away from them. Before she could question what he was doing, he was dipping down and turning them over on their sides, completely encompassing her, even throwing his legs over hers.</p><p>“Ben!” She shouted, but then she was giggling, “What are you doing?!”</p><p>“Oh, cruel fate! Why must you come through every month and pain my gremlin <em>so</em>?! I curse you mother nature!”</p><p>Rey was still giggling as he held her, “You are such a loser.”</p><p>His nose was buried in her neck, “Does the gremlin need anything? Advil? Chocolate? The tears of her enemies?”</p><p>Rey hummed in contemplation, “Definitely the tears of her enemies…and maybe the sasquatch could…rub her back?”</p><p>He nodded into her skin, kissing it, “And what order should that be in?” He asked as he started to caress one of her calves with his foot.</p><p>She whined over the top on purpose, “Backrub first, but then she expects a jar of tears on the nightstand by morning.”</p><p>“Done and done,” He stated, making enough room in between them in order to move his hand nestled on her front to move it slowly to her back, motioning over her skin, though it briefly dipped to cup one of her cheeks under her panties, “got to cop a feel first of course.”</p><p>Ben’s hand scaled over her deliciously, and she let out a satisfied noise as she kept watching the movie. Sometimes she still didn’t know how Ben was a human person on this Earth that existed.</p><p>“You know,” Rey posed, “you’re really setting a standard for whenever I have shark week.”</p><p>He chuckled before repeating the phrase ‘shark week,’ “As long as I get to touch your butt.”</p><p>Rey smiled, nestling herself more into the pillow under her head, “I feel like I’m still getting the better end of the deal, <em>but</em>,” Ben laughed at her stupid joke behind her, “whatever floats your boat Benny.”</p><p>“Don’t talk about your butt that way,” he defended, dipping down once more to give it a squeeze, “she’s the best,” Ben whispered in her ear.</p><p>“So sorry Benjamin. I didn’t mean it.” She said, feeling her eyes flutter closed as he continued his ministrations.</p><p>Ben breathed in and briefly removed his hand, spanking her before he went back to his work, “Don’t ever let me catch you degrading her that way again, missy.”</p><p>Rey laughed, turning her head to kiss him on the mouth, nudging their noses together, “<em>Never</em>.”</p><p>They laid there until the movie ended. His hands had stopped their motions on her skin, and he grasped his arms around her, kissing the back of her neck.</p><p>She felt herself shuffling around without much thought to face him.</p><p>He smiled at her, “Hello there.”</p><p>“Hello.” She said back.</p><p>A sudden look of confusion riddled Ben’s features.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” She asked,</p><p>He shook his head, “Rey, I don’t know how to tell you this.” Ben stated seriously, his arms loosening against her.</p><p>She raised an eyebrow at her, befuddled herself, “What?”</p><p>Ben met her eyes again, “I just—I think…you must have <em>magnets </em>in your cheeks or something because my hands just can’t <em>help </em>themselves,” he admitted as they slid down to her ass, squeezing her cheeks roughly.</p><p>She squeaked and writhed in his grasp, “Are you fucking kidding me?”</p><p>“It’s a severe issue; you should be concerned…though I’m not really,” he conjectured dumbly as he squeezed at her again, “pretty sure I could just touch your butt forever until I die.”</p><p>“Oh my god,” Rey said, shaking her head, “how would that even <em>work</em>?”</p><p>He smirked, “Well I already wrote that into my will that I want to be buried touching your ass, so if I go before you, that’s going to be a little awkward.”</p><p>Rey tilted her head at him, giving him an incredulous expression.</p><p>Ben shook his head, “Okay <em>okay</em>, I’m being a little unreasonable,” he admitted, hands leaving her backside and rode up her body, eventually making their way up to her face, cradling it, “I’ll gladly be just as happy with holding onto your titties in death.”</p><p>She laughed, snorting even as he held his gaze on her.</p><p>“This is a very serious matter Reymond. I <em>know</em> what I am talking about after all.”</p><p>Once she had finished guffawing at him, she addressed this ridiculous idea, “My sincerest apologies Sir Esquire, I didn’t realize feeling up people post mortem was your specialty.”</p><p>He quirked an eyebrow at her, “Have you never seen my business cards?”</p><p>She puffed out her lips and shook her head once more, “No, but maybe you could help me draft my will,” she said, lowering one of her hands to graze under his underwear to cup one of his massive cheeks, “if you know what I mean.”</p><p>He closed his eyes for a moment and smiled slowly at her, “Guess you’ll just have to stop by my office and we’ll…iron out the details together.”</p><p>“Oh no,” Rey said sweetly, “will that be a <em>long </em>and <em>hard </em>process?”</p><p>Ben bit his lip and shook his head, “Not fair Rey. You can’t do that to me right now.”</p><p>She removed her hand from his behind and shoved his shoulder, “Hey, <em>you’re </em>the one who started talking about going to the grave grasping at my T and A, so this is on <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“That’s a totally normal conversation topic, so I have no idea what you are talking about.”</p><p>Rey giggled, “Right, well certainly a normal conversation topic for us.”</p><p>He smiled and nodded, “Mmhmm,” he hummed, leaning in to kiss her, and as he did, his arms found her middle again, holding her close to him once more.</p><p>What kind of fucking weirdos talked about something as preposterous as an after death feel up session? And then Rey felt like laughing at the thought of her and Ben holding onto each other’s butts as they were buried, and everyone else around them scratching their heads and shrugging like ‘Well, this is what they wanted. It was in both their wills.’</p><p>Fucking idiots to the grave, they were.</p><p>Then the implications of that whole ridiculous idea came crashing down on her. Thinking about the future always stressed her out. She shook herself of the thought and raised her hand to push back Ben’s hair behind his ear, revealing its gloriousness. Her fingers traced around it, up and down and he closed his eyes, sighing before he opened them to her again. They were soft and warm and full of what she thought was affection.</p><p>Rey was reminded once more of the night before and the initial time she thought it was pertinent to go and touch all over his unsuspecting ear, and the following anguish and pain of that night when being here with him like this was all she ever wanted. Her fingers nimbly trekked to the center of his face, her finger tracing idly down the entirety of his prominent nose, which she also admired greatly. Once she was finished, her fingertips were met with his lips. He kissed them, and their gazes met again.</p><p>“Ben?” She asked hesitantly.</p><p>He seemed to be beaming at her, even without a smile, “Yes Rey?”</p><p>Her hand moved to his neck, almost afraid to ask what she wanted, “That night…at Finn and Rose’s…why did you leave?”</p><p>His frown hurt her heart, but she had to know, “Oh Rey,” he said sadly, grasping her closer once more, “I was…being so selfish, but—I didn’t think there was any way I could stay.”</p><p>Eyebrows furrowed as her fingers moved to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, “What do you mean?”</p><p>“You—you had just you know, given me this beautiful sign of affection…and then it looked like you instantly regretted it, so I thought…it wasn’t fair of me to put these expectations on you when I still fully believed that you didn’t feel the same, and so once you left the room, I didn’t know how I could even have the courage to face you again without spilling out all my feelings. So…I left, like a coward,” he explained as she continued to gently graze his hair, silently encouraging him to go on, “I walked home in my anguish, and when I got there, I threw a huge fit and nearly slammed my front door off its hinges because I was so mad at myself.”</p><p>Rey looked into his eyes, conveying so many emotions, and his hand lifted off of her and touched her face.</p><p>She breathed in, completely taking in his confession and blinked a few times, “I—I did instantly regret it,” and when she said this Ben’s eye twitched before she spoke again, “but only because I thought I was being completely inappropriate and made you uncomfortable. I…threw quite the fit too and thought that is why you left. Finn and Rose had to calm me down when I started to think you went off to hook up with some Tinder bitch.”</p><p>Ben sighed, hand sliding to cradle her neck now, “No, oh no Rey. I was most unquestionably the complete <em>opposite </em>of uncomfortable, and<em>…</em>I—that’s the night I deleted Tinder.”</p><p>She exhaled, recalling him admitting this before in the heat of the moment, “Really?”</p><p>He nodded, “I wish I had never done any of that. I never wanted anyone but you.”</p><p>Shaking her head, she pressed herself forward to kiss him briefly, “That’s not all on you Ben. It was on me too.”</p><p>Their gaze stayed strong as his hand remained on her neck, “I’m so sorry I left that night. And for…all the other pain I caused you because I was too much of a coward to just be honest with you. I’m so, so sorry. For everything, for all of it for—”</p><p>She thrashed her head back and forth violently, halting his apology.</p><p>He took in a shaky breath, and Rey bit her lip, knowing he was being sincere, “I accept your apology, but I—I think we probably caused each other a lot of pain, so I am sorry too.”</p><p>Ben shook his head, “No, please don’t be sorry—”</p><p>“It’s only fair, that I get to apologize too.”</p><p>He nodded slowly, and she continued, “I am; I am sorry…but we have to look at the bright side of this for once Ben…look where we are now, and look how we got here.”</p><p>His eyes casted downwards, and she inhaled fully, “Am I—am I still worth every second?”</p><p>The rate at which his eyes whipped back to her and he pulled her in for a kiss that was aggressive against her mouth in somehow the gentlest way possible was surprising, but she felt herself melt into it, and he pulled away from her slowly, “Of course you are. Never question that,” he stated, his hand angling her face to meet his eyes, “Rey? <em>Never </em>question it.”</p><p>She nodded, and he gave her a small smile while he appeared to be extremely verklempt, almost as if his eyes were glassy and far off, “My Rey, my sunshine.”</p><p>He then tucked her into himself, his head resting atop her head while she about died at that sentiment.</p><p>Rey breathed in, knowing how she felt too, “You were worth it too Ben.”</p><p>He breathed out, squeezing her again. She kissed his clavicle, feeling somehow, in all of the suffering and hurt that they had already endured apart from each other and together, and probably will experience more if life was still going to be realistic, she felt a little bit…lighter. Not so…<em>heavy</em>. Like she didn’t have to carry every single thing that had ever happened to her before in the hundreds, probably thousands of bags she lugged behind her at all times, even if it was just a moment.</p><p>Because right here, right now, despite there being only a few stars visible under that LA sky, they were radiant in each other’s arms.</p><p>“And we still got to make out on Finn and Rose’s couch anyway.”</p><p>He laughed, his chest vibrating against her face as his hand started to graze up and down her spine under her shirt again as she closed her eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>OMFG I just spent like several hours today going over this entire thing lol. I guess that is the downside of always writing such THICC Ben Solo chapters. I soooo wanted to post this earlier this week, but I must admit I went into a stats coma, and that took precedence unfortunately. I also really wanted to get back into my Sunday posting? I hope to pick up the weekly posting again too.</p><p>FUCKING hate these guys. I loved being able to bring back Ear Caress™ 2020, but make it happy lol. This is Ear Caress™ 2021!!!!!!!! Happy new year you guys btw! I hope it was a good one, and that 2021, even though it's off to a rough start already *cough* that it may be better than that dumpster fire.</p><p>So...are we just going to experience happy, squishy idiots just being happy for a while with no real direction?? You bet your ass. I have been CRAVING this, and I am sure you have too lol. So here we are, they are dumb forever.</p><p>Also, you want to hear the most annoying sound in the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4AmLcBLZWY">world</a>??</p><p>And YAY I wrote another Ben POV!! I explain this in the link, but this one was fun because it was one of your requests, AND it got to be another contingent piece with this chapter, so go <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/post/639978866132287488/so-this-ben-pov-is-fun-because-not-only-is-it-one">read</a>!!!! If you ever have more requests, let me know! Thanks for always putting up with my fucking novels all the time I love you guys so much! MUAH!!!! 💖💖💖</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“All I am saying is, is that although Snape does have some redeeming qualities, being like a triple agent at some points, he ultimately suffers from fuck boy syndrome after Lilly ultimately rejects him.” Rey argued steadfastly.</p><p>“Mm—hmm.”</p><p>“Ben? Are you even listening to me?”</p><p>He grunted.</p><p>“I get your argument of him ending up actually really caring for Harry, devoting his life to being a Deatheater <em>and </em>still being on the Order of the Phoenix’s side <em>and </em>then pretending to be a Deatheater again, but I think his approach is essentially flawed. I get that he loved Lilly too, but his treatment of Harry was unacceptable, even if James was a huge dick to him.”</p><p>Ben didn’t respond.</p><p>“Ben!”</p><p>He looked to her, almost pained, “I’m sorry, are you seriously trying to have an argument with me about Harry Potter <em>while </em>you jerk me off?”</p><p>They were in Ben’s shower, the water falling overhead, and she was attempting to continue their pre-shower conversation about whether or not Snape was actually an ethically good character.</p><p>“Um—yes?” She admitted as she quickened her pace, and he braced an arm over her on the wall.</p><p>His face was in her shoulder now as he canted his hips towards her, “He loved Harry too.”</p><p>She almost giggles and snaked her free arm under the one that was bracing himself and held his shoulder, “I <em>know</em>, silly, I already pointed that out. It’s just that I don’t think that is a good enough excuse to be such an asshole, even <em>if </em>you dedicated your life to being on both sides.”</p><p>“Mmm—fuck, sure Rey.”</p><p>She left a little bite on the same shoulder before she continued, “That’s not what you said before.”</p><p>“Well—ngh—before you didn’t have my dick in your hand, now did you?”</p><p>“No, I suppose I didn’t,” she concluded as her thumb grazed over the head and he grunted once more, “this is how I should bring up all of our arguments. You’re so much more agreeable this way.”</p><p>His breathing became more labored, and the arm that was lazily hovering over her ass this entire time trekked up her body slowly to palm at her breast, and she almost whimpered. It was a revenge of sorts, she figured.</p><p>“It’s just that—mm—if he were too nice to Harry, it may have been too obvious what his ultimate plans were.”</p><p>Ever stubborn as she was, Rey knew he wouldn’t let her win so easily, even when she was getting him off. She also definitely noticed that the hand that was oh so enticingly caressing her breast traveled down her body and was drawing dangerously close to her center.</p><p>“I guess that’s a fair point, but—” she paused when he inserted a finger inside of her, and she really had to lean on his shoulder to balance herself, “why did he have to wait until his literal death—not even because he <em>was </em>technically dead already when Harry saw his memories—to tell Harry how much he really cared for him?”</p><p>At this point, they were certainly not getting any actual shower activities accomplished, which was the original intent because they had just gotten back from the boxing gym, and she thought this argument was bad enough while they boxed. Now that they were just trying to pleasure each other <em>and </em>have a coherent dispute over the morality of Severus Snape, Rey thought the whole situation was just so…them while he inserted another finger, which made her grind down on his hand.</p><p>His face lifted away from her shoulder and the expression that he held for her while his fingers twisted inside of her of such satisfaction was practically too much to bear, so she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. Ben’s hand came from off the wall to hold her head as they kissed, and as their tongues mingled, he freed both arms from her to leisurely travel around her, holding her close for a few moments before bringing them to her thighs to lift her into the air and plant her onto the wall. Now she felt helpless, which is not where she wanted to be in this argument.</p><p>“<em>Because </em>Rey,” Ben whispered into her ear as he aligned himself and grazed at her entrance. He hung there for a few moments while her hands sprung to his hair, so she could yank on it. He grunted and slipped himself inside of her, “fuck, you feel so wonderful and tight—Snape knew all along what he was trying to teach Harry—<em>hmm—</em>he sacrificed himself for love and for the good of all life as the wizards knew it, which was an essential model for Harry to follow as he would have to make the same decis<em>ion</em>,” he reasoned, voice breaking from Rey meeting his thrusts onto him.</p><p>Her nails now dug into his shoulders as he pumped her against the marble, and it took her a few moments to remember to respond, “That’s…fair—I guess.”</p><p>He took one of her hands from off his shoulder and intertwined their fingers above their heads. Fuck, it was attractive that he could hold her up with just one arm so easily as he pulled out of her and slowly, so aggravatingly and thrust himself back in.</p><p>“What it really comes down to is that if all along,” he panted into her neck, “Snape was expecting Harry to defy all of his teachings, Harry would not be able to fully comprehend how much he meant to Snape until Harry was ready to be validated as an autonomous being <em>and </em>acknowledge the meaning of his and Snape’s relationship,” he went on to explain as he made her moan, “which <em>was </em>for Snape to be guiding Harry all along behind the scenes.”</p><p>Rey was starting to regret reigniting this argument again like this because now she was having to focus on too many things at once <em>and </em>formulating a veritable response to Ben’s rationales as he fucked her against the wall, “Right.”</p><p>Great, that’s all she could come up with.</p><p>He smiled at her as his thrusts almost made her forget her purpose on this premise, “Right.”</p><p>Rey leaned forward, wishing she could keep this going, but now she was having a difficult time remembering what either of them were saying as she rested her forehead on his, and she smiled, “You’re a—real fucking nerd, Solo.”</p><p>He nodded against her, “S-so are you.”</p><p>Rey exhaled, and she didn’t feel like she would be able to take much more of this debate, so she had to make one final point before she could just focus on the other pressing matters going on, “You <em>do </em>have to admit that the first time Snape switched sides back to Dumbledore…he wasn’t nearly as admirable. <em>That</em> was for his unrequited love for Lilly, not Harry,” she maintained and gasped as he let go of her hand above her head and fiddled with her clit.</p><p>“Okay, <em>fine</em>,” he exasperated, “I wasn’t trying to say he didn’t make any mistakes,” he contended as she threaded her hands through his hair and held herself closer to him because her insides started to flutter.</p><p>“That was like…a little stalkery.” She stated, and he nodded, seemingly in agreement.</p><p>Her eyes met his and he somehow managed to smile sweetly at her and then kissed her.</p><p>She breathed a little harder as he pulled away, “Good.”</p><p>Ben smirked again, “Great.”</p><p>Rey watched him bury his face in her neck now, and he made a couple of noises that made Rey’s brain almost short circuit.</p><p>Sometimes, she wanted to tell him while they had sex of all the disjointed thoughts that fell into her brain, but much of the time they flew away too quickly as another one took its place. Right now, she was tracing with her index finger over the shell of his ear as they were peeking out of his wet hair, and she was trying to recall whether or not she had ever voiced her appreciation of them.</p><p>His hips canted into her core in just the right way and she gasped again and he started to suck on her neck as their chests rubbed against each other.</p><p>“I’m close.” She whispered in his ear.</p><p>He just mumbled something incoherent as his thumb continued its work on her clit in just the right fashion, and then her breaths became more difficult to distillate on as her climax flickered into her awareness.</p><p>“Fuck—I…I will never get used to how <em>tremendous</em> you feel when you do that,” Ben admitted as he began to slam into her more mercilessly, both hands slipping under her buttocks now.</p><p>Her cheeks flushed hot, and she thought that he didn’t seem to ever have a problem with his stream of consciousness thoughts when they were in the heat of the moment, so Rey thought she could give him something besides her views on fictional wizards.</p><p>“I—I love your ears.”</p><p>He thrusted a couple more times before responding, “Wha-what?”</p><p>“Your ears, and how they poke out of your hair sometimes…I know you don’t like it, but I do.”</p><p>His breath somehow felt even hotter than the water did against her neck, “T-thanks. I like yours, too.”</p><p>“Also, your back,” she continued as her hands rode over it, almost selfishly she felt, “mmm good god I used to imagine it rippling above me before we met and I would touch myself thinking of it.”</p><p>Ben’s breaths were choppy now, and she was surprised that he could even articulate words still, “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes, all the time,” she admitted, leaning in closer to whisper in his ear, “even in the shower, but this is better than the fantasy. So much better.”</p><p>Ben grunted and reamed steady against her a few more times before his orgasm claimed him, and his breaths fluctuated against her neck while he unrhythmically ground into her hips, his final thrusts slowing. They held this position for a minute or so, her fingers making their way through his hair again before he let her down unhurriedly, but then he still held her close. He kissed her gently.</p><p>“God, Rey, I don’t think you understand the effect you have on me. I—I just came <em>so</em> hard.”</p><p>She chuckled while she shrugged a shoulder, “Shower sex will do that to you.”</p><p>“No,” his lips grazed hers, “it’s you.”</p><p>Rey’s breath hitched after he uttered the first words he had ever said to her again.</p><p>Then he kissed her with an ardent tenderness.</p><p> </p><p>They had gotten out of the shower after they actually finished the appropriate cleansing procedures, and Ben said he was going to go and make them lunch, only clad in his underwear, and Rey laid back on his bed, not at all feeling like putting any clothes on, so she opted not to as she turned on the tv in Ben’s room. She turned on a random episode of <em>Brooklyn Nine-Nine</em>, waiting for Ben to come presumably back with some food because she needed to feed, <em>obviously </em>after not only working out, but then the round of sex in the shower. At least the entertainment of Jake Peralta being a ridiculous cop and human being could distract her for the time being.</p><p>When Ben came back eventually, she was still naked, now completely spreadeagled waiting for him, and he entered the room, looking her over, then stripping himself of his only clothing, crawling on top of her. She groaned at him, “Where’s my food?”</p><p>He tisked at her and started to kiss her neck, “It’s in the oven, you insatiable gremlin.”</p><p>She whined, but he was above her holding himself up by his arms, “And besides, I think someone could use a good dicking in the meantime,” he said suggestively while waggling his eyebrows at her.</p><p>Laughing, she shook her head up at him, “You literally just gave me a good <em>dicking</em>.”</p><p>“That was like fifteen minutes ago Rey, goodness you need to keep up.” He claimed, going back down to kiss her neck, wet hair tickling her skin until he moved down to her chest. His tongue found one of her breasts as one of his hands kneaded the other. Rey’s hand raised to finger his damp locks.</p><p>“Well, I guess it <em>has </em>been a while.” Rey said breathily as his mouth enclosed around her nipple, sucking on it with the slightest graze of his teeth.</p><p>“Hm,” he hummed against her breast before he switched to the other one.</p><p>Sometimes Rey was astounded at how quickly he could heighten her to arousal again, despite the fact that they really <em>had </em>just finished up, but his libido seemed to be as <em>insatiable </em>as hers was, and always had been. It was nice to finally be with someone who seemed to want to keep up with her, matching her enthusiasm. She should have suspected that out of all people to do so, it would be Ben Solo.</p><p>Ben was still lapping at her chest when his hand grasped at his more than ready cock, pumping at it a few times before he teased it over her entrance, “You ready for your dicking Kenobi?”</p><p>Rey already felt like she was panting, “As long as its Ben Dickens doing said…<em>dicking</em>.”</p><p>His expression went from almost wanton to an all out smile and he hung his head, “Well who<em> else</em> ma’am?”</p><p>He didn’t allow for a response as was now pushing into her, and she immediately sucked in a sharp intake of breath, as did he, “<em>Mmm</em>, that will never get old,” he admitted, arms on either said of her again as he started to move at a languid pace.</p><p>She hiked her legs up his body to get a better angle, her hips meeting his where their bodies collided. Her fingers were then being intertwined by Ben, clasping their hands together as he did a particularly unyielding thrust against her, which elicited a small moan from her. Her teeth sunk down into her lip and closed her eyes.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em> Ben,” she whispered without thinking, and he did the same motion against her a couple more times, which made her thrash her head back and forth slightly, “just like that Solo.”</p><p>Her eyes blinked open to his face once more, and what she saw almost made the pant she was going to let out die in her throat. Ben was…completely beaming at her; in fact, it looked like he was almost going to laugh, guffaw even. She stared back up at him, a smile playing at her lips now too, “What?”</p><p>He shook his head above her, “You’re so fucking <em>cute </em>Rey,” he said in between thrusts, now moving a little faster, but then he actually did let out a giggle, “so <em>fucking </em>adorable.”</p><p>Ben wasn’t ever a stranger to dirty talk. Man seemed to just always say what fell into his brain in the ever ending fray that was their sex life, and Rey had always had such an earnest appreciation of his dirty, filthy mouth. It usually would cause the two of them to rile each other up even more, feeding off the energies of one another, reveling in his statements that would regularly consist of his appreciation of parts of her body or how incredible she felt when he was inside of her. His feedback was always appreciated.</p><p>This though, this was different. His commission of his random thoughts still left her breathless, but for a much more diverse reason. He had called her <em>cute</em>, neigh <em>adorable </em>while he was presently thrusting into her. No, it was times like this where he wasn’t waxing poetic about her apparently unequalled pussy, and instead appreciating her in a much, much different way that still astounded her, making her brain feel like it was just a stunted mess in her skull. It had her insides twisted in knots as a warmth began to spread in her belly that wasn’t even the result of an impending orgasm. This sort of sentiment was still a whole side of sex that she was still getting used to. And it reminded her that any two people could rut into one another in an animalistic dance, which <em>was</em> something she immensely enjoyed depending on the overall mood of the sexing, but this was so unlike that instinctual rush of bodies.</p><p>She was here with Ben now too, in this place where she wanted to appreciate his whimpers, the way he buried a soft moan into her hair as their fingers somehow managed to always find each other, like they still craved as much contact as possible, or sometimes how she would catch this moment of wonderment in his eyes, like he was anywise still in denial. She felt the same way whenever she got to witness Ben baring that dopey smile she loved so much whenever she was on top of him.</p><p>Underneath Ben, she was becoming unraveled as she stared into his soft brown eyes, and wanted to wholeheartedly beam right back.</p><p>Now they were just smiling like buffoons at each other while he was still pounding in and out of her. Ben disentangled one of his hands so he could cradle her face as he kissed her lips, “So fucking cute,” he whispered against her mouth.</p><p>This sentence caused the warmth that had already been building in her stomach to flutter, and her response to it was swift and eager as she flipped them over, so she could marvel at <em>his </em>cuteness from above. Ben, a true equal opportunist, never seemed to mind when she would take over; they would usually give dominance over depending on whoever was the most lascivious and determined. She started to move her hips against him, and he was looking up at her, still grinning like a moron as he closed his eyes. Rey felt bashful all of a sudden at this new ebullient dynamic, so her eyes shyly began to focus on her hands on his stomach. She heard Ben sigh and then begin laughing, but it definitely wasn’t in a mocking sort of way, like it was out of pure and utter happiness, and once the beautiful sound hit her ears, she couldn’t help but laugh back.</p><p>Rey was still trying to process what exactly was going on between them when her attention for audio stimuli was suddenly focused on the television behind her as she heard Captain Holt yell ‘<em>Boooonnneeee</em>!’ in the background as he reprimanded Rosa for trying to give her two cents about his and his husband’s sexual relationship, or lack thereof at the given moment.</p><p>It was like an irrevocable climb as Rey’s emotions continued to philander into arousal and mirth as she began to laugh even harder, and so did Ben. Rey almost had to recess her movements on top of him because she was in a such a fit of cackling, but she kept up the rolls of her body as she had to splay her hands out on Ben’s chest for support.</p><p>The ridiculousness of the moment was subjugating in her brain, since she was—well, <em>they</em> were just…straight up humping each other as they were laughing hysterically at the serendipity the moment.</p><p>“You’re <em>boooning </em>me Rey.” Ben declared in between sniggers.</p><p>This made her lose it all over again, “Ben!” She exclaimed as the giggles spilled out of her mouth, “Stop!”</p><p>Suddenly the act of sex all seemed like too much of an ask at the moment as their larking continued.</p><p>“Mm,” he whirled, licking his lips and smirking his head off as Rey started to throw her hips back again while she continued to laugh, “that’s right,” Ben praised as his head thudded against the pillow, “<em>Mm-mm</em>…<em>give</em> me that good top.”</p><p>Rey didn’t think she had ever had to concentrate so hard on riding a man while her stomach was starting to hurt from the amusement of it all, which was an extremely odd state to be in. Completely aroused and in the middle of a riant fit; she almost had to hold her sides, “<em>Ben</em>! I am trying to concentrate here. I’m a little <em>busy</em>.”</p><p>His hands crashed into her hips as his own chuckles were still overhauling his features as continued to thrust up into her, “<em>Yeah </em>ya are! Throw it <em>back</em>!”</p><p>Rey took a deep breath to compose herself, she decided fuck it, and completely gave into the levity of it all as the next round of her hips ended with her jutting her rear back with quite the emphasis, “Oh, like this?”</p><p>Ben’s head rolled around against the pillow, still seeming to be in a combination of a state of glee and headiness, “<em>Yesss </em>Rey, just like that!” He clamored, his head twisting and nodding chaotically, “It’s that Samsung, spin cycle, <em>sloppy toppy</em> that I would <em>die </em>for.”</p><p>He was still managing to say it in a jovial manner, and Rey just could <em>not </em>stop laughing for the life of her, “I feel like you are enjoying this a little too much,” she tittered.</p><p>Their eyes met as his head turned back to her, and for a few moments, they weren’t snickering as she kept up her pace. He let out a breath, and Rey had not even the flimsiest idea what his next actions were going to be, but then he was smiling again, suddenly sitting up with her and planting his face into her chest.</p><p>“<em>Mm</em>,” he grunted, licking up her sternum, “of <em>course </em>I am. I’m getting fervently fucked <em>and </em>resplendently entertained at the same time by Rey Kenobi, how could I not be? I think this is the greatest moment of my life.”</p><p>Her hand cradled the back of his head, while she giggled again, but then that giggle turned into a moan as his mouth closed around her breast, which reignited her lecherousness.</p><p>“<em>Mm</em>,” she purred, very much like he had been this whole time, and while his tongue swirled around her nipple deliciously before he applied merciless suction, a mischievous thought fell into the forefront of her brain, and she simply could <em>not </em>help herself, “and Ben Solo is sucking on my titties like he’s <em>wanting</em> me, <em>calling</em> me all the time.”</p><p>Ben stopped what he was doing at her chest immediately and was letting out giggles akin to a teenage boy hearing a dirty word, face raising to hers to capture her lips in a kiss before they were sniggering against each other’s mouths, his hands lowering to spank her with one of them before he was grasping at both cheeks fervently, “And he <em>will </em>check out that chrissy behind because it’s <em>definitely </em>fine all of the time.”</p><p>Here they were competing yet again, only this time it was to see who could get the other one cracking up again while they were fucking. Only in a world where she was screwing Ben Solo could she imagine this happening, and she was loving every moment of it. She pelted her backside against him again with an emphasis, it still being encompassed by his lovely large hands, “That’s—right!”</p><p>Ben moaned as his eyes closed, straightening up to capture her mouth in a kiss as his palms ghosted up her back for a few moments, and then he fell back against the bed, snickering once and throwing his arms above his head while his pelvis still ground up into her enticingly, “Fuck, Rey just do that move you do with your hips that drives me absolutely wild already.”</p><p>She went for a few more rounds of that coveted ‘good top’ before she was staring down at him hard in a relentless gaze, “Oh yeah?”</p><p>He was closing his eyes, but nodding at her, “Yes, <em>please</em>.”</p><p>Her hands slithered down to his and held his wrists, “Are you ready for that Solo? To get that <em>sloppy </em>toppy?”</p><p>“Oh <em>fuck </em>yes,” he claimed, opening his eyes to her while he started to grin at her, “<em>give </em>it to me. Give me that spin cycle to me like no one else can Rey!”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yes, god!” He shouted, hands raising to her hips again, as if to encourage his request.</p><p>Rey nodded down at him, smiling deviously, “As long as you give me that <em>smile</em>.”</p><p>He looked up at her with genuine confusion, “What smile?”</p><p>But then she was twisting her hips in the way he was oh so craving over and over, slowly ever so slowly, and then his head was writhing back and forth, gripping her onto her hips roughly, and soon enough, there it was, “<em>That </em>one.”</p><p>Ben gazed up at her with half lidded eyes as he looked dopey as ever, sinking his bottom lip in between his teeth as she leaned down fully to kiss him, collecting his face with her thumbs over his cheekbones as his arms wrapped around her. The kiss broke with both of them gasping from a collected thrust as his hips met hers obstinately. Rey then raised herself in order to achieve the best angle for herself. When she had, she began to cant ever so intentionally, rolling herself over him for the sake of both their pleasures.</p><p>“Mm,” Ben crooned much more tenderly this time as his hands raised to gently caress her breasts, which created a pang in her cunt, and she knew she was close after that. Her hips careened on him in a slightly less graceful way, and Ben knew instantly what that meant, raising himself up slightly to lay sloppy kisses on her chest, “mmm, come on my cock Rey,” he murmured as one of his hands slid to her lower back, “come for me, beautiful.”</p><p>His sweet words and lips against her skin caused her slowly building climax to reel into her, and Ben pulled her down to him with his arms around her as his cock drove into her over and over in just the right steady pace, “I love when you are coming on me Rey.”</p><p>Rey’s entire body was still quaking, and she gasped against his mouth, “<em>Yes</em>,” she whimpered, realizing that didn’t really make a lot of sense, but since she was still in the middle of an orgasm, she would get pass, “I-I do too.”</p><p>Ben smiled with those lidded eyes again and he kissed her until her breath came out erratically as did her hips against him.</p><p>When it had ridden out its course, Ben kissed her serenely as his hand glided to the nape of her neck. He pressed a few smaller kisses to her lips and laid back again as she got her head back on straight post-climax; Rey began to gyrate more and more rapidly on him with her breaths still coming out in spurts along with Ben’s, she realized, while his hands engulfed hers on top of his chest, their bodies meeting thrust for thrust together over and over until he seemed to be putty underneath her.</p><p>Closing his eyes, he lifted his chin and turned his head to the side, “Oh Rey I’m so close,” he admitted softly.</p><p>He opened his eyes to her again while she moved, and his hands trekked to her hips before he seamlessly flipped them back around again, his rhythmic motions never missing a beat. He propped his elbows on either side of her head, and Rey was reminded of how this all first started, when someone needed a good <em>dicking</em>. She smiled and raised her hands into thread through his hair while her legs hiked up his hips once more. Their lips barely touched as he jutted back in and out of her, and his entire body shuddered.</p><p>As Ben pushed forward again in an indefatigable wake of quivering certainty, it was no question he was mere seconds away from his own orgasm, and Rey barely recognized herself as her own ecstasy riddled voice escaped her lips, “Finish in me Ben.”</p><p>Ben gasped and keened onto her mouth, “<em>Oh</em>,” he panted, and then his hips found hers one more time, “oh fuck, <em>Rey</em>,” he prattled as his cock spilled into her. He collapsed onto her and inhaled sharply into her neck.</p><p>They laid there basking in each other for a few moments, Rey’s fingers never leaving his scalp, and she found herself kissing his temple.</p><p>“Oh fuck Rey,” he said again his thumb on her cheekbone again, and he lifted his head and nudged his nose against hers, “I do believe that was <em>incredible </em>ma’am.”</p><p>Rey nodded in agreement, eyes blinking slowly as she beamed at him languorously. He beamed right back before he kissed her, turning them to their sides in the process.</p><p>“Thank you.” He whispered tenderly before kissing the tip of her nose.</p><p>She giggled, “For what?”</p><p>Ben raised a hand to her face, and donned a serious expression as his eyebrows knit together, “For giving me the best Samsung good top of my life, of course.”</p><p>Rey snorted, smacking his chest, “You’re welcome, you dope.”</p><p>Ben smiled into her mouth, and she knew she was doing the same to his, and this was so stupidly disgusting, but she wouldn’t change anything about it. She actually sighed when he pulled away.</p><p>They lay they for a few more moments, just staring contentedly at each other before Rey turned her head towards the door, “Is something burning?”</p><p>Ben’s eyes widened instantly, “My chicken fingers!” He shouted, and he skidded off the bed towards the door, only to stumble back, and had to throw on his underwear again before he was jetting out of the room. That <em>was </em>one of the cons to having your apartment lined with windows, no naked time unless those blinds were <em>actually </em>closed.</p><p>Rey laughed after him and raised her arms above her head, feeling wholly content, despite their apparent ruined lunch. And as Rey laid there, he immediately began to reflect on what had just occurred between her and Ben; of course it still ended up being amazing sex, which was honestly the status quo for them, but there was something else about it too. It had been…<em>fun</em>.</p><p>She had always thought sex was on the list of fun activities that two, or however many wanted to join in she supposed, people could do together that were willing to take off their clothes and rub up against each other, but this, this was…yet again an entirely new terrain she was tackling in both her own mind and with Ben. Nothing like that had <em>ever </em>happened to her before with a lover. The laughter, the complete and utter satisfying pleasure of it all. It was making her belly feel warm again as she replayed the whole scene from Ben calling her adorable to that mind-blowing orgasm she had ridden out with him, and finally the way she had expressed actual words during, this time <em>and </em>during the shower sex. Goodness, Ben must be rubbing off on her in more than one way because Rey had <em>never </em>been one than to rattle off more than a couple of words during sex, and now she was blathering on to Ben about the morality of fictional characters, how much she loved his ears, how she was going to give him that top he wanted, and to finish in her. Who even <em>was </em>this person lying here in his bed?</p><p>She sighed, wondering if Ben felt the same way, happy to have shared something so special with her.</p><p>Rey was just glad it was <em>him </em>she had experienced it with, and no one else. Because like she had thought in the middle of all of it, who <em>else </em>would she laugh her head off <em>and</em> crescendo into an indescribable orgasm with?</p><p>As her musings continued, Ben sauntered back into the room, his lower lip pouting out. Rey observed him and sat up slightly, already grinning at him again, “Aww, what’s a matter Benji?”</p><p>He crawled up on the bed and laid down next to her, burying his face into her chest, “I burnt our chicken fingers because I was too busy having amazing sex with Reymond.”</p><p>She ran her fingers through his drying hair, scratching lightly at his scalp, and he made a contented noise, “That’s okay Ben. I think it was well worth it, don’t you?”</p><p>He looked up at her and nodded with his adorable lip still pouting, “Completely. Totally and utterly, for that spin cycle, I’d burn all the chicken fingers in the world.”</p><p>“<em>Really</em>?” Rey asked, feeling devious, so she spanned her fingers to where he was most ticklish on his back, “even <em>these ones</em>?!”</p><p>And she was giving him chicken fingers, chanting it over and over as the giggles spilled out of his mouth, and he was trying to dodge her deft fingers, “Ahhh, Rey!”</p><p>He was laughing, completely out of his control as she worked over him and he tried to turn away from her, only for her to follow him.</p><p>“Okay! Okay! I give up, Rey!” He snickered, “I surrender to the chicken fingers!”</p><p>She stopped, cackling herself, and he turned to pull her up to his level as she had settled over his side during the whole debacle, grinning at her, “And the answer is <em>no</em>, I’d never burn <em>these </em>precious chicken fingers,” he declared as he took them and kissed them gently.</p><p>Rey sighed at his devotion, and pushed forward onto his mouth, slanting hers over his. They kissed lazily for a few seconds before his arms wound themselves around her and she was peering into his eyes again, “How about we just order some Postmates this time? On me…and then we can have a naked rest of the weekend?”</p><p>That was their code for closing the blinds and going crazy on each other throughout whosever apartment they happened to be at, yes the start of another fuck weekend.</p><p>He smirked, raising his eyebrows at her with a tilt of his head, “Fuck weekend?”</p><p>She nodded back with conviction, “Fuck weekend!”</p><p>Ben smiled and kissed her enthusiastically, “That sounds like the best thing I’ve ever heard. Just think about how much we can…<em>booooonnnee</em>!”</p><p>Laughter peeled out of her as she smacked his shoulder, devouring his mouth in another kiss.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“That’s complete bollocks! The answer was Mount Fuji!” Rey yelled at the commentator as she sprang up in her seat.</p><p>Said commentator just glared at her while she almost felt herself growling.</p><p>“I can assure you that all answers are double fact checked before we present them to you.” He assured with a stiff smile.</p><p>She, Ben, and Poe were at trivia night, which was something that Ben and Poe usually just did, which was fine with her, but she got a text from Poe while she was at work insisting that she come along as well this time, which she was sure he was now regretting.</p><p>“Rey, come on, just sit down,” Ben begged her while he tugged on one of the beltloops of her jeans, “we’ve still got quite a bit of the game left.”</p><p>Rey almost was about to shout at the host again but decided against it when she saw the look on Ben’s face. She slammed down on the booth reluctantly.</p><p>“Man, she always this feisty?” Poe asked Ben as if she weren’t even there.</p><p>Ben glanced at her, and she was sure that he didn’t even flinch at her lethal eyes, “Yes.”</p><p>“Oh, bollocks to both of you too.”</p><p>Infuriatingly, Ben just chuckled and put his arm around her and kissed her temple, “I didn’t say it was a problem.”</p><p>Before she could give a hotly worded response, the group of men at the next table over started to snicker at them, and Ben shot them a murderous glare and tightened his arm around her.</p><p>Luckily, the next question on the screen came up, halting the rivalry between the two tables.</p><p>“What former Dallas Cowboy coined the term ‘Hail Mary?’” The host asked. Rey was sure he was avoiding eye contact with Rey.</p><p>“Oh, oh oh, it’s Drew Pearson. I know this. My dad has told me that story like a million times.” Ben told Poe.</p><p>Poe chuckled, “Your dad always has been a huge Dallas fan despite the fact that he is not even from Texas.”</p><p>Poe entered the bar’s tablet they provide in order to input the answers, and soon enough, their answer came up on the screen as correct.</p><p>“Ha, I knew it.” Ben said as he took a swig of his whiskey with his other hand.</p><p>“Han would be so proud.” Poe joked and Ben rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Thank goodness. Too bad it took so long,” he quipped along, shaking his head, “let me call him up right now and tell him that I’m not such a disappointment anymore.”</p><p>“Oh, stop.” Rey nudged him. She didn’t like Ben saying such deprecating things about himself.</p><p>“Yeah, Rey’s right,” Poe smiled, picking up his martini, “you’re not <em>that </em>much of a disappointment.”</p><p>Rey sighed and chowed down on another handful of fries instead of commenting. They of course had gotten a lot of appetizers because all three of them seemed to have the heftiest of appetites, Rey’s being the most rotund.</p><p>The rest of the game went along fine, aside from Rey almost getting up out of her seat to jump the table next to them after they insulted Ben’s answer on a Pink Floyd song, but he quickly pulled her down, telling her that they weren’t worth the trouble. They had been in first place almost the whole time, but that maddening table of neckbeards next to them somehow pulled ahead, and Rey felt like she was going to explode.</p><p>“Okay, we still got this guys. We just have to get the rest of the questions right, and I think we can pull it off.” Poe concluded after a couple of calculations he did on a napkin.</p><p>“Looks like your little girlfriend wasn’t even a helpful edition there, buddy,” said the guy who had insulted Ben before.</p><p>Seeming to keep a cooler head about them for the most part more than Rey, he turned to them and said in a tone that was even on the surface, but Rey could tell that it held anger, “Shut the fuck up.”</p><p>“Yeah, shut up and just pay attention so you can lose properly.” Poe added over his shoulder.</p><p>Ben had explained to her that this group of guys that he and Poe had actually named ‘the neckbeards’ would often give them trouble, especially if they won over them; the disgusting thought made Rey want to go over there all the more and give them a piece of her mind.</p><p>“Alright, we are getting down to the last few questions,” Poe stated as the next question came on the screen, and he read it aloud, “in what year was the Corvette introduced?”</p><p>When Poe looked back to her and Ben, he seemed confused when they were both staring at him expectantly.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’re the pilot here.” Ben determined.</p><p>“Yes, and you realize that pilot means <em>planes</em>, right? I’m not an expert on cars!”</p><p>“We don’t have time to argue here!” Rey exclaimed, “Just, what’s your best guess? Either of you. You’re guys right? You should know this.”</p><p>“That is extremely sexist, Rey.” Ben said.</p><p>“Ugh, just put something! Put 1953.”</p><p>Poe shrugged and tapped it on the tablet as they waited for everyone else to answer.</p><p>“And I feel like you would have a better chance of knowing the answer to that <em>anyway </em>miss engineer.” Ben quipped, causing Rey to pinch at his ticklish side, causing in to squirm next to her.</p><p>The gesture didn’t go unnoticed by Poe and he smirked, “She found your ticklish parts Benny?”</p><p>“Oh please, I discovered it the first night we porked.” Rey stated, waving a casual hand.</p><p>“You did?” Ben asked leaning on his hand that was propped up on the table.</p><p>“Yeah, when you were cooking me breakfast for dinner and I came up behind you—”</p><p>“Nice,” Poe interrupted, and Rey rolled her eyes at him as she completely ignored his statement.</p><p>“You are not very good at covering it up Benji. Remember when I just barely touched your back and you flinched?”</p><p>Smiling, he gave her those puppy eyes as his other hand raised up her back, “Didn’t realize you were paying that much attention.”</p><p>Rey scoffed, but then leaned forward anyway, mouth almost touching his, “I’m <em>always </em>paying that much attention to you Benjamin.”</p><p>Ben quirked an eyebrow at her, “But <em>I’m </em>always paying attention to <em>you</em>.”</p><p>She smiled, “Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Her mouth was on his without much thought, but then Poe’s annoyed tone interrupted them.</p><p>“<em>Holy </em>shit, would you two morons pay attention over <em>here</em>? You missed us getting the question right! Go make out <em>later</em> after we’ve won!”</p><p>Rey straightened up, feeling embarrassed. She had <em>never </em>given herself to so much PDA before; this was a <em>problem</em>. Rey remembered not even wanting to do so much more than just holding hands before. Now she was sitting in this booth practically wanting to mount Ben’s lap.</p><p>“S-sorry Poe.” Rey apologized.</p><p>“Yeah, sorry man.” Ben added.</p><p>Poe shook his head, “It’s <em>fine</em>, unfortunately the neckbeards got it right too. Now stop sucking face for like five more minutes and let’s get this next question right!”</p><p>The next question was answered easily as both Poe and Rey whispered <em>Sex and the City</em> at the same time when asked what HBO show featured a character from New York that moved to Paris at the end of the show’s run with her boyfriend. They patted themselves on the back, agreeing that it was an amazing show while Ben smiled and his giant hand caressed her thigh. They still didn’t seem to go a few seconds without touching each other.</p><p>“Alright, last question!” Poe exclaimed and he read this one too, “Early developments of this extremely popular device began as early as 1901 with Spanish engineer Leonardo Torres-Quevedo.”</p><p>“Ohhh, I know this I know this.” Rey said through gritted teeth, remembering one of her more boring professors droning on about anything and everything. He was one of those kinds of instructors that expected you to memorize every single line on every single slide on the PowerPoint. She remembered this name in particular and how frustrated she was when it popped up on their exam since she hadn’t focused on it at all considering it was like three indentations over, of course.</p><p>She rubbed her temples in frustration, trying to wrack her brain, “What was that stupid bullet point, I know I can remember…”</p><p>Ben rubbed her back encouragingly, “Come on, you’ve got this.”</p><p>She closed her eyes for a moment and sighed. Before she gave them the answer, she looked over Poe’s shoulder to make sure that the table next to them was not listening in and leaned into Poe, whispering, “It’s remote control. I am like, 90% sure.”</p><p>Poe shrugged and smirked, “That’s more sure than I would be, I’ll take it.”</p><p>When their team came on the screen with the correct answer all three, cheered and high fived.</p><p>“Oh, yes, that’s our engineer!” Poe shouted with his arm in a ‘yes’ gesture.</p><p>Ben leaned into her smiling and kissed her on the mouth, “I knew you had it. You so smart.”</p><p>“Ohhh, yes she is! Look, our BFFs over there got it wrong!” Poe exclaimed.</p><p>Rey didn’t even bother looking over at them because the look of adoration Ben was giving her was more important. He slung his arm around her waist and she leaned back onto his shoulder while they read the results of the game, and not surprisingly, Poe’s meticulous calculations had been right, and they came out victorious.</p><p>Rey immediately shouted, much to all the other team’s dismay, but she didn’t give two shits about that, “Oh, yes! We won! Thank god!”</p><p>They all congratulated one another while the table next to them all stood and bitterly crossed by their table, “Until next time <em>assholes</em>,” one of them said as all the neckbeards were glaring at them.</p><p>Ben smiled, his arm still around Rey as his other raised to wave at them, “And we’ll be waiting!”</p><p>Rey snorted and joined in with her own wave, “Ta ta!”</p><p>The lot of them grunted and muttered to themselves that they should go shove things in unpleasant places.</p><p>Ben looked to her happily and snaked his hand under her shirt, “You want to go get the prize?”</p><p>“Hell yeah!” She shouted, marveling still at how well Ben knew her, “What did we win?”</p><p>“Free drink tickets and the satisfaction of winning.” Poe said from across the table.</p><p>“That’s good enough for me!” Rey stated gleefully, kissing Ben one more time before she stood from the table and practically skipped to the front.</p><p>The commentator smiled at her and congratulated her in the fakest way possible, but it didn’t dampen her spirits as she made her way back to Poe and Ben.</p><p>“First rounds on me!” She called to them as she went to the bar to order for them.</p><p> </p><p>“Who do you keep texting Dameron?” Rey asked accusingly.</p><p>Poe locked his phone immediately and put it in his pocket, “No one.”</p><p>Ben gave him an inquisitive gaze, “Is it that one guy?”</p><p>Shaking his head, he waved him off, “No, that didn’t work out.”</p><p>“Hm.” Ben responded.</p><p>Silence reigned as Poe pulled out his phone again, apparently no longer ashamed.</p><p>Ben gave him a rueful expression with narrowed eyes, “It’s not—”</p><p>“No, don’t you dare even say it!”</p><p>“It <em>is</em>! Don’t you even deny it!”</p><p>Rey looked back and forth between the men and laughed slightly, “What?”</p><p>Ben smiled smugly and looked to Rey, “Poe’s ex-girlfriend Zorii and him will get together a couple of times a year or so and claim that they hate each other, will spend a few nights together, and then go back to not speaking.”</p><p>Poe didn’t even deny it as he stared intensely at his phone.</p><p>“Wow, that sounds…chaotic.” Rey commented.</p><p>“Would you expect anything less?” Ben asked.</p><p>“Okay, I am <em>not </em>getting flak from <em>you</em> two of all people. It took you <em>how </em>long to finally hook up?” Poe pointed at them, “At least I seal the deal in a reasonable amount of time.”</p><p>“And then reseal it…again and again with the same girl you swore it was the last time you were sealing with.” Ben joked.</p><p>Poe just gave him a glare that would definitely be in the death category while Rey laughed.</p><p>“Well,” Rey stated, “both Finn and Rose thought I should have just gone over to Ben’s and boinked him before we had even met, so you’re not the only one who values a hastened sexual drive.”</p><p>Ben glowered down at her with a raised eyebrow, “They said what?”</p><p>She shrugged, “You heard me.”</p><p>“And why didn’t you?” He asked incredulously.</p><p>Rey shook her head, “You would have gone for that?”</p><p>“Um…<em>yes</em>. Why would I say no to HNG across the street?” Ben said with an expression that told her he would have absolutely no doubt dropped trow in his doorway if she had shown up and suggested it. Too bad they had to become real close horny idiot friends first. She knew it was for the best considering where they are now in this ever present bubble of comfort and earned intimacy, and she knew the feeling was mutual. Still, it was always fun to imagine.</p><p>“Well I am not going to tell them they were right. They’ve gotten enough of that lately.”</p><p>“<em>I</em> will then. I would have agreed and dropped trow in at like an embarrassing rate,” Ben admitted as Rey laughed again the thought of them sharing one brain cell, even back then, and he leaned on the table looking at her with dreamy eyes, “it may or may not have been one of my explicit fantasies for several months.”</p><p>“Oh my god, shut <em>up</em>.” Rey insisted, trying to hide her blush. It was one of hers, too, obviously.</p><p>Sighing, she sipped at her cosmo, being inspired by the <em>Sex and the City </em>question earlier. Poe was so jealous of hers that claimed he wanted to get his own as well, and Rey laughed at him after he flagged the waiter down.</p><p>The genial looking African American waiter sauntered over with a smirk all over his features, “I was wondering when I was going to have to wait on you again, Dameron. Your usual?”</p><p>Poe smirked back with just as much gusto, “No, Jerome, I’m afraid not tonight. Because in our sweet victory, I like the lady would like to enjoy myself a fine cosmo.”</p><p>Jerome looked from Poe to Rey, and then he looked from her to Ben and crossed his arms with another grin, “Is this <em>the</em> girl?”</p><p>“What…girl, huh?” Rey asked, completely confused.</p><p>She saw the blush spread all over Ben’s neck before it hit his face before Poe spoke again.</p><p>“Oh yes, this is <em>the </em>girl,” Poe said and leaned into Jerome with his hand raised to his mouth, “turns out she was just as much of an idiot as Ben is.”</p><p>Jerome laughed and shook his head while he exasperated, “Hooo-ohhhh, straight people.”</p><p>Ben also shook his head and put his arm around her, “This is Rey, Jerome.”</p><p>The waiter looked to Rey, and smiled, “Well, it is so nice to meet you, Rey. So glad you guys figured it out because look how cute you guys are together! I swear I thought Ben only knew how to look grumpy.”</p><p>Rey laughed, and raised her hand to squish Ben’s face, “Oh trust me, he’s still very grumpy.”</p><p>Ben blushed again and buried his face in Rey’s shoulder.</p><p>“Aww, you guys are so gross! Alright, I’ll get you guys another two cosmos and a whiskey for <em>Ben</em>,” Jerome said, lowering his voice when he said Ben’s name before he winked at Poe and left.</p><p>“So,” Rey said, clearing her throat, “what was all <em>that</em> about?”</p><p>Ben raised his head and rested his chin on her shoulder now and began to draw circles on her thigh, “I…might have…moped about you a lot when we would come here.”</p><p>“Pssh, moped is an <em>understatement</em>, Rey. He was practically writing tragic sonnets in your name.” Poe said as he pulled out his phone again.</p><p>Rey couldn’t help but giggle, and pressed her lips to his forehead, “Really?”</p><p>Ben’s arms snaked around her waist and he nodded on her shoulder, “Yeah.”</p><p>She sighed, tilting her shoulder so Ben would meet her eyes and she affectionately held his face, “You’re stupid.”</p><p>A wonderous smirk graced his countenance, and he leaned forward to kiss her, “<em>You’re </em>stupid.”</p><p>She nodded in agreement, “<em>Yup</em>. One hundred percent, absolutely.”</p><p>Ben nuzzled his face into hers, and she heard a chuckle from above, “They always like this?”</p><p>Rey looked up and saw Jerome there with their drinks.</p><p>“Yes, yes they are. They go from vehemently believing that the other one couldn’t <em>possibly </em>feel the same to practically humping each other in public on a constant basis.” Poe exclaimed, taking his cosmo from Jerome.</p><p>Rey blushed and accepted hers as well.</p><p>“Mazel tov,” Jerome said simply and smiled, “let me know if you need anything else, alright my darlings?”</p><p>“We will baby.” Poe said to him before he walked away.</p><p>If Rey knew any better, she would have thought Jerome and Poe have hooked up…which knowing Poe, they probably had.</p><p>Speaking of, Rey sighted that he was on his phone again, smirking down at it and shaking his head.</p><p>“If you’re going to do it, then just do it then Dameron!” Rey shouted at him with a smile.</p><p>His eyes looked back up at them, horrified, “No, no! I am here right now,” he picked up his cosmo, “with my dear friends after a <em>sweet </em>victory,” he stated, eyes bright.</p><p>“To us!” Poe declared, raising his glass. They all clinked their glasses together and drank.</p><p>“You realize that you’re going to have to always come with us now in case there are any other pesky questions about remotes?” Poe asked her after he had set his glass down.</p><p>Rey leaned forward and rested on her hand while Ben’s hand grazed her lower back, “Oh I don’t knowww,” she sighed, “what’s in it for me?”</p><p>“Well, besides the free drinks and the satisfaction of winning, which I know you <em>love</em>,” Poe began and Rey nodded vigorously at him, “may I offer Ben’s services to you to be at your beck and call, fulfilling any sick and twisted fantasies you may have.”</p><p>“Hey,” Ben defended behind her, “you can’t just offer me like that.”</p><p>Rey glared back at him.</p><p>“Okay, yes you can…but I am still a person with feelings.”</p><p>Giggling, she leaned over to him and squeezed his mouth with her hand, “Sure you are, you big ol’ refrigerator.”</p><p>He sighed and she kissed him while she still held his face and then let go.</p><p>Poe chuckled from his seat, “See here and I thought Benji would never find someone as weird as him.”</p><p>Before Rey could respond he was wrapping his arms around her and putting practically all of his weight on her, “Shhh, don’t tell her that. She still finds me attractive for some reason.”</p><p>She reached up and patted his cheek and he buried his face in her neck.</p><p>“I guess I can keep coming. I do have a reputation to uphold after all.” She said, glaring back at the neckbeards as they had come back to their table after what she guessed were a few drinks at the bar.</p><p>Ben felt her smile against her skin.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was laughing so hard that her sides started hurting, and she shook her head at Poe, “No, no, no! No <em>way </em>Ben tried using that line on a girl! Now I <em>have </em>to hear the story behind that one!”</p><p>Ben groaned, sliding down his seat a bit with his arms crossed, “No Rey, you <em>really</em> don’t.”</p><p>She looked over at him and smiled sweetly, booping his nose, “Yes I <em>doo</em>. I really, really do. And it’s only fair considering how many embarrassing stories you’ve heard about me from Rose and Finn.”</p><p>Ben just rolled his eyes and grunted. Rey looked over at Poe expectantly and smiled, edging near the end of her seat and propped her elbows on the tabletop.</p><p>“Proceeed,” she insisted.</p><p>Poe chuckled and sipped his cosmo, “So get this, I get invited to this party off of Fairfax when we had first started college, and I dragged Benji along—honestly I don’t even remember <em>how </em>I pulled that one off, but I digress,” he said, flourishing his hand, “so obviously Ben’s not really one to mingle, so he is either glued to my side or standing over by a wall just—well, looking like a wall, and so many people asked me if I knew the giant brooding boy, and I would just have to say, <em>yup</em>, that’s my best friend right there!”</p><p>Rey looked back and smiled at Ben, who was also leaning on his palm. She grabbed his other hand and interlaced their fingers as Poe continued his story.</p><p>“So I finally convince Ben to start taking shots with all of us because I told him that some girls actually might start talking to him if he didn’t look like he listened to way too much My Chemical Romance as a teenager, and sure enough, you get this big guy to throw a few back, he just becomes a regular chuckle box.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “Yes, I am aware.”</p><p>Poe smiled too, and Ben just moved to drink more of his whiskey, “So after he loosens up, a few girls <em>do </em>actually take notice—well he’s very hard to miss—to him, and Ben at this point like had <em>no </em>idea how hot he was, so he had this like adorkable charm to him that the ladies just <em>ate </em>up.”</p><p>“He…still very much has that.” Rey admitted, and Ben smiled at her, leaning forward to kiss her temple.</p><p>“Well that’s great to hear! I wasn’t too sure because I have not seen Ben in action in <em>quite </em>some time—”</p><p>“I think you do that enough for all of us Dameron.” Ben deadpanned.</p><p>Poe tilted his head to him and made an expression of agreement, “Can’t really deny that…but anyway, so he had a couple of girls that were kind of hanging on him for the rest of the night, and I was just, ugh, so proud of him! And he manages to get a, <em>real </em>close to one of them on the couch, and I thought for sure Ben had this one in the bag when he’s leaning into her and she’s doing the same, and then just before they can start playing tonsil hockey, he says <em>that </em>line.”</p><p>Ben groaned and buried his face in his hands and Rey giggled.</p><p>Poe smiled deviously, and Rey saw the genuine joy the man got out of telling this story that was completely humiliating his best friend, “He says ‘<em>Oh </em>yeah, <em>this</em> is happening!’”</p><p>Rey didn’t think that Ben couldn’t slide any lower in his seat without just straight up lying down in it while she and Poe started laughing at his expense.</p><p>Really trying to calm herself down, she looked at Ben, “Aww, Benji, it’s okay.”</p><p>Poe continued to titter, “I mean, what even <em>possessed </em>you to say something like that?”</p><p>He sighed and sat up a bit before he shrugged, “I don’t know! I was like, just really excited that any girl was talking to me at all, so I just was thinking that and it slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.”</p><p>She looked to him, now feeling bad for her poor sasquatch, “So what did she do after you said that?”</p><p>Ben grimaced, “She gave me this really weirded out look and excused herself to go to the bathroom, and I never saw her again.”</p><p>She frowned at him and rubbed at his shoulder, “Well, she really missed out because you are <em>very </em>good at tonsil hockey.”</p><p>Smiling, he finally met her eyes, “Really?”</p><p>Rey raised an eyebrow at him, “Is that a serious question? Of course you are!”</p><p>A red flush hit his features again, and she smiled at him, “Would it make you feel better if we played a little tonsil hockey later?”</p><p>He gave her those damned puppy eyes and jutted out his lip, “Yes,” he nodded, “yes it would.”</p><p>Ben sat back up all the way and kissed her fully for several seconds and pulled away, “A little preview for later then.”</p><p>“Oh fine I’ll admit it,” Poe said from his side of the table, and they both looked over at him raising his glass to them, “you guys are <em>adorable</em> together. In fact, I’ve never <em>seen</em> Benny so stupid smiley,” he admitted, “so I am so glad for <em>all </em>of our sakes that you two finally pulled your heads out of your asses and ripped each other’s clothes off and <em>boned</em>.”</p><p>Poe held up his glass to cheers again to them boning. The two of them laughed and clinked their glasses with him, shouting “We boned!”</p><p>After they had finished drinking, Poe spoke up again, “You remember that was the same party where you punched that guy for me?”</p><p>Ben looked taken aback, “Was it really?”</p><p>“Yup!” Poe exclaimed.</p><p>“Okay I am going to have to hear that explanation too.”</p><p>Poe raised a hand to her, “Don’t you worry Kenobi, your boy Poe’s got you, so…at some point in the evening I am you know…being myself, and was flirting with this really hot guy that <em>I </em>was hoping to score…”</p><p>Rey thought she already knew where this was going, but she listened on anyway.</p><p>“And some assholes from Ben and I’s school were there, and they were going around saying some—well let’s just say they were saying some…pretty un-PC things about me…and Ben hears this and immediately went to punch the ring leader square in the face, and all things considered,” Poe said, furrowing his eyebrows and paused, “they were…pretty terrified of him, so they immediately backed off.”</p><p>Rey looked to Ben and thought about this. To her, he was just her giant pile of Solo mush, but she remembered the night he punched Jensen when she saw the fire in his eyes, the pure ferocity. She hadn’t really thought about how intimidating or threatening he would be to other people who saw his wrath like that. It was very clear what he was willing to do for the people he cared about.</p><p>“Wow Ben,” Rey said, rubbing at his back, “that was so sweet of you to punch that asshole bigot in the face for your best friend.”</p><p>He smirked slightly and looked down to his lap.</p><p>“Yes, he’s always been <em>my </em>hero, isn’t that right Ben?” Poe asked him with a genuine tone to his voice.</p><p>Ben looked back up at him, seeming a little reserved, “Well you’re always getting yourself into trouble, aren’t you Dameron?”</p><p>“Well I’ve got a built in personal body guard, don’t I?”</p><p>Shaking his head, Ben just finished the whiskey in his glass.</p><p>It was insane how different him and Poe were, but their friendship really seemed to compliment and balance each other as Poe brought Ben out of his shell, and Ben grounded Poe. Even went as far as to hype up or punch out where they saw fit. Rey really did admire the clear devotion they had of one another.</p><p>Eventually, Poe told them he <em>was</em> ditching them for Zorii, and that he was a lesser man than either of them, sighting he could never be tied down, but he had to get some while the iron was hot. Ben and Rey mocked him as he left, and Ben pulled her into his lap.</p><p>“Good riddance.” He whispered into her ear. It made her shiver.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re pretty.” Ben declared, leaning down to her as they were waiting for their Uber. He was a little drunk, and Rey thought he was being so adorable that she had to actually stop herself from jumping him in public.</p><p>She reached up to pinch his nose, “You are too.”</p><p>“<em>Hm</em>.” He hummed as he rubbed his cheek on the top of her head and snaked his arms around her.</p><p>“Mine.” He whispered. Normally, such a declaration would have had her on her feminist shit, but she just didn’t have it in her when she looked up into those wide doe eyes that held such wonderment. They really did have such a power to them. She just sighed and stood up to kiss him. He returned it with a hand scaling her face, rubbing it with his thumb when she pulled away.</p><p>“You’re pretty.” He said again and she shook her head inching herself down again.</p><p>“You’re ridiculous.” She countered.</p><p>“I can’t believe that I get to just kiss you. Like all the time. You know how cool that is?”</p><p><em>Yes</em>.</p><p>She laughed at him and looked back at him, which was a mistake, “I’m not that great, Ben. Calm down.”</p><p>His eyes widened and he shook his head, “No, no no <em>no</em>. You are the <em>best</em>. You are the prettiest, smartest, most caring, sexiest, weirdest, most beautiful—”</p><p>“Okay, okay, I get it. You’re like obsessed with me.” Rey laughed.</p><p>He nodded and nuzzled their noses, with a contended humming noise, “Mmhm.”</p><p>Rey’s heart felt like it was about to burst and she sighed. What was she going to do with his man?</p><p>“Sometimes it just still baffles me,” he admitted as his hand raised to her face, running his thumb over her cheekbone once more, “that you’re the one I get to kiss,” he sighed, touching their foreheads, “that I get to fight with, that I get to touch,” he emphasized this with roaming his hands all over her body now, and he leaned in close to her ear, “that I get to pleasure, that I get to wake up next to…that I get to come home to.”</p><p>She was rendered motionless for more than mere moments as he kissed the shell of her ear, and then proceeded to pepper kisses all along her hairline, his eager lips cascading down her face, finally reaching her own, causing her to wrap her arms around his neck with just as much vigor.</p><p>As their mouths slanted together in an intoxicated harmony, which she was sure the status quo for many people standing outside of a bar late at night, she gave exceedingly into rising musings if passersbys even gave them a second glance. If they truly understood that this man right here made her feel like she was capable of so much more than she ever thought could be a reality for her, that he was bringing out this side of her that she never thought existed. That maybe, in all of with wide mirth and physicality, he did feel like the home she was always meant to have.</p><p>Or maybe they just saw two horny idiots making out on the street. And when she was being honest with herself, both sides of the argument were true.</p><p>And now she realized that she had absolutely no follow ups to his beautiful words, even if they were a bit slurred with a drunken haze. He had always been so much more eloquent she was, and it made her heart hurt that she couldn’t return the sentiment. She opted to touch his face with both her hands when their mouths abated their rendezvous together, and rose up to her toes and pressed as much of her face onto his, her feet straining for the height as he leaned down slightly to accommodate her, her nose against his long, glorious one. She almost felt like she was trying to telepathically communicate what was in her head to his as the contours of his skin touched hers, attempting to will the impossible feat of words that were too much for her to utter, <em>Ben, oh Ben I wish you understood how much you mean to me</em>.</p><p>His smile made her melt as he pulled away from her, and the glint in his eyes made her feel like perhaps he <em>had </em>heard her thoughts. She only wished it was so as she briefly wondered if he would have such adoration for a puddle of goo on the floor.</p><p>He still stood over her and took one of her hands to kiss her knuckles before he took the other one too and intertwined all of their fingers.</p><p>She scrunched up her face at him, “Was that a Ben Dickens original?”</p><p>His laugh made everything worth it to her, “Have I not caught you up on the latest material?”</p><p>She gazed at him through her eyelashes, “I was sort of expecting a…private reading.”</p><p>His hands traveled from hers to encircle them around her waist, “Oh well let’s just say that he’d be <em>happy</em> to oblige. There have been numerable events that have caused him to feel rather,” he paused, closing his eyes briefly and bit his lip much too enticingly, “prolific.”</p><p>The adorable way he slurred the last word with the alcohol still fresh on his tongue was causing her to feel feverish. And they were seriously discussing the notion of his penis’ writing abilities.</p><p>Raising her hands to his chest, she pounded against it, and the words dripped out of her mouth like someone who had just been shot up with novocaine, “Goddamn it Ben!” She exclaimed, and her statement caused him to knit his brows together, “Why do you have to be so fucking <em>cute</em> all the time?!”</p><p>When the inebriated confession escaped her mouth, she realized that they sounded extremely harsh, annoyed even, which was not how she intended for it to come out. Although, she <em>was</em> a little frustrated by it because until she had met Ben Solo, she had no idea that it was possible to be pleasingly irritated.</p><p>That seemed to be a perfect description of how she felt around him most of the time.</p><p>And although it <em>seemed</em> like perhaps earlier they were able to accomplish telekinetic speech, she knew that wasn’t actually achievable, and she was terrified that he had hurt his feelings by coming off angry over his sweet intoxicated sentiments.</p><p>When her eyes met his again, however, she saw her redwood tree light up like it was Christmas because a slow smile spread across his features until he was showing off all of his adorably crooked teeth and crinkles around his mouth. She was finally letting one of her less than articulate sentiments be known to him, but she of course had to do it in a hostile manner, but the way he was looking at her made her feel like she <em>had </em>just spouted a sonnet that could rival Shakespeare at him.</p><p>He sighed and touched her face once more, fingers venturing to cradle her neck, leaning in with his teeth still bared to her, “My fiery little bean.”</p><p>Rey didn’t think her words even deserved to espouse such a reaction, but it was making her panties damper than they already were. They hadn’t really attempted nick names on each other yet that were endearing and meaningful in some kind of way, besides the ones they already had for each other before they had even started sleeping together. It made her blush and feel all sorts of giddy, which were other emotions she was still getting the handle of around him.</p><p>She never wanted this smile to end, so she took a snapshot in her mind before it inevitably did as his face relaxed, but she opted to kiss him again as if that was ever going to be enough of a thank you for blessing her with it.</p><p>“Hey,” Ben said, holding her close again after Rey pulled away from his lips, “are we like, babe people?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“Like, do we call each other babe? Hun? <em>Sweetcheeks</em>?”</p><p>She reached down and patted his butt, “I think that last one suits you.”</p><p>He shook his head and grinned slightly at her, “Stop it.”</p><p>She smiled up at him and waggled her eyebrows at him, loving the idea of making him feel flustered, “Hey, Ben? Can I ask you a question?” Rey asked, hands still on his rear.</p><p>“What?” He asked with an unsure grin.</p><p>“It’s just that—I’m wondering something.”</p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p>She sighed, “I am just wondering how you fit all <em>that </em>in them jeans,” Rey claimed, and gave his cheeks a nice squeeze to go along with her sentiment.</p><p>His giggling shook her and he rested his head on top of hers, “You’re the ridiculous one.”</p><p>Then Rey just made the whistle noise from the Jason Derulo song she was quoting.</p><p>“Do I have to wiggle for you now?” He asked with a serious face.</p><p>“I mean, obviously Benjamin.”</p><p>Then he smiled dumbly and began to wiggle in her grasp still, and she started to giggle so much that she had to lean on him for support while writhed around for her.</p><p>“You didn’t even answer my question.” Rey pointed out in between her laughter.</p><p>He stopped wiggling, “I just don’t know Rey, I could ask you the same question.”</p><p>She just snorted at him and shook her head.</p><p>“I mean I am very willing to conduct a scientific study on this,” he said, then sounding very serious, “we’d call it ‘How Reymond Kira Kenobi Fits All of That Double Cheeked Up Glory in Her Denim.’ I’d take on the honor of being the primary investigator of course.”</p><p>She smacked him in the chest and just kept laughing.</p><p>Ben leaned down and grabbed her derriere, “Girl’s got a real dump truck of an ass back there.”</p><p>And now they were just standing there holding each other’s asses, and Rey thought of their joint grave again and shook her head. Why were they both just so fucking stupid? She sighed into his chest.</p><p>“Rey,” he said, sounding sincere.</p><p>Looking up at him, she found the solemn expression his eyes held, “Yeah?”</p><p>“I—think we failed the drunk test again.”</p><p>She widened her eyes, “You didn’t call an Uber?”</p><p>He shook his head and chuckled, “I thought you did.”</p><p>Sighing, she buried her face in those tits like she had the first time around they were a special brand of idiot, “We’re hopeless.”</p><p>Ben wrapped his arms around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head, “Yup.”</p><p>After she actually called the Uber, Ben struck up the conversation he was attempting before they got distracted by each other’s butts.</p><p> “No, really. What do I call you?”</p><p>She thought he was already doing a stellar job at nick names it without even trying, “I don’t know, what feels right to you?”</p><p>He looked like he was in deep contemplation for a few moments, “I don’t know. I guess I will see. I like sweetheart too.”</p><p>She pressed her lips to his chin, “You call me whatever you want.”</p><p>Beaming, he kissed her again, “Okay, sweetheart.”</p><p>The Uber pulled up next to them and Ben opened the door for her. He got in after her and leaned down to rest his head on her lap and wrapped his arm around her leg while she ran his fingers through his hair.</p><p>“Hey, you want to have some sex when we get back home?” Ben asked her out of nowhere.</p><p>She snorted and looked down at him, “Sure, but I don’t think the Uber driver wants to hear about that.”</p><p>“Oh, right,” Ben smiled, turning his head towards the driver, “sorry sir. I am just so excited that I get to that with her.”</p><p>From the front, the driver laughed, “You don’t have to explain that to me! Young love, what a beautiful thing.”</p><p>Rey was blushing now and Ben chuckled below her, “This guy gets it.”</p><p>“How did you two love birds meet?” The driver asked.</p><p>“Oh, that is such a funny story,” Ben started, sounding sincerely excited, “you see, I moved in across the street from her, and we spent a long time just staring at each other without speaking or going over and saying hello until one day she left me some cupcakes when I was sad.”</p><p>Ben had pretty much told him the whole story, and the driver seemed legitimately interested, making gasping noises and asking questions in the appropriate places. There was enough time to tell him because in the middle of the story, Ben sat up and asked her if it was time for them to try Del Taco. She smiled at him and nodded vigorously.</p><p>When they were in the drive through, the driver was either really bored with his night or a hopeless romantic.</p><p>“And then she told you to <em>leave</em>?” He asked, genuine concern in his voice.</p><p>“Yeah, but the thought of it made me want to set something on fire, so I stayed anyway, begging her to let me.”</p><p>“Oh, Rey. Please tell me you let him stay.”</p><p>She sighed and looked down at him, caressing his face, “How could I say no?”</p><p>Ben smiled at her and kissed her hand.</p><p>Rey made sure to give the driver the best tip and rating in the world after dealing with them, but he assured them that he loved hearing their story and wished them all of the best.</p><p>Now they were on Ben’s bed with all of the burritos and tacos they felt was necessary to fulfill their insatiable drunken appetites, which Ben begrudgingly let her pay for like he promised he would the night of Finn’s party.</p><p>“The secret is that you need to add sour cream and get extra cheese on all of the burritos in order to get the full experience.” Rey declared, unwrapping one of her many green burritos.</p><p>“I see.” Ben said, smiling as he went in for his first bite.</p><p>“Wait!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You’re just going to eat it with no hot sauce? Remember what happened when we had Taco Bell?”</p><p>She had yelled at him for scarfing down half a gordita crunch without the accouterment of the sort of joy you get from spreading it over your food.</p><p>“Oh, right, sorry.” He blindly grabbed a hot sauce packet and began to open it.</p><p>“Don’t you want to know what pairs best with the green burrito?”</p><p>Ben smirked at her, “Are you seriously more concerned with hot sauce pairings than you are with wine?”</p><p>She smiled and then it fell, “Yes?”</p><p>He shook his head and then actually read which packet he was holding, “Okay, what should I have with it?”</p><p>“For that, I would say some Del Scorcho, but I think you might like Del Inferno…you’ll just have to try them both.”</p><p>Ben munched along with his burrito, a satisfied smile on his face much of the time while he was eating it, which made her heart warm. He told her he liked the Del Scorcho better than the Del Inferno when he was done, and she said that was clearly because he had taste.</p><p>“Yes, I feel like I have quite the knack for this after all.” Ben claimed after he had finished the last of the burrito.</p><p>Rey beamed at him, “I don’t think I have ever been more attracted to you than in this moment.”</p><p>He grunted, “Not while we’re <em>eating </em>my feisty petite taco.”</p><p>She snorted at the nickname, holding a hand up to her mouth to not spill taco everywhere, and wondered how far he would go with this creativity; she was loving every moment of it, despite the blush it caused her. Now it was a question of whether or not it was just going to constantly throw her off like this. If she had to guess, probably.</p><p>Finishing her last bite, she searched around in the bags that were next to her and found them to be empty, “Are there any more tacos or did we eat them all?”</p><p>Ben’s baseball mitt hand went searching around in another bag and after a minute or so of scanning through all of the wrappers, he retrieved one. His arm extended to hand it to her, but before she could reach it, he held it back, “But…I don’t know, should I really just hand it over to you so easily?” Ben asked suggestively while he waggled his eyebrows at her.</p><p>Her still held up arm dropped to her lap, “<em>Really</em>?”</p><p>He held the taco in both his hands, making it seem like a tiny empanada, “I mean a taco like <em>this</em>, I think is probably worth maybe one…maybe two boobies, don’t you think?”</p><p>Laughter spilled out of her mouth, “Ben!”</p><p>“I feel like it’s only fair…one taco for some titty.” He conjectured, tilting his head in the most adorable manner.</p><p>“I thought not while we were eating!”</p><p>He smirked, raising his eyebrows again, “Sounds like someone doesn’t want a taco.”</p><p>Rey grunted, unable to resist his dorky charm and sat up fully, raising her top up all the way to reveal her chest to him, causing his eyes to widen and a dopey grin to form on his face, “Nice.”</p><p>She shook her head and lowered her shirt, taking advantage of Ben’s shock and grabbed it out of his open hand.</p><p>He watched her eat with that grin still plastered to his face, “I always thought that was the luckiest taco vendor in the world.”</p><p>Rey swallowed her earned feast, several bites in already, “You get to see my boobies all the time now though.”</p><p>“So, what, am I not supposed to marvel at the best boobies in the world?”</p><p>Furrowing her eyebrows at him, she continued along with her chewing, “You don’t know that.”</p><p>“Yes I do.”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Well, I took a poll, and the taco vendor and I went around and persuaded everyone just by description alone; it didn’t take much convincing.”</p><p>Rey just kept laughing, unable to finish her taco because she was too busy with her gaiety, “Shut up you did <em>not</em>.”</p><p>Undeterred by her protest, he continued, “And besides, they’re <em>yours</em>, so what could be better than that?”</p><p>Despite the fact that she was midbite, she stopped, scooched forward and kissed him on his dumb mouth. When she pulled away, he leaned headfirst and kissed her again. She didn’t even mind that she smelled the tacos on his breath, figuring that she smelled the same.</p><p>They straightened up once more as his grin never seemed to seize in front of her, “I legitimately <em>was </em>resentful of that taco vendor for the longest time though. I wanted to track him down in the valley, threaten to punch him out of jealousy, but then proceed to pull out a notebook to ask him several detailed questions.”</p><p>Rey smacked his knee, giggling all over again, almost resigning to not being able to finish the godforsaken thing because of this absurd, large man. She had never been ashamed for what she had done to that taco vendor, Fernando, in order to get some food in her belly. It was a dark time in her life when she was putting herself through college and couldn’t afford to always feed herself, and so she was just glad she could associate it with the sheer determination of her refusal to go hungry, and now with Ben just…being Ben.</p><p>“I wonder if Fernando would still give me a free taco if I went and found him on the streets of Reseda.”</p><p>Ben smirked, shaking his head, “He would, <em>trust</em> me,” he said as he pointed a finger at her with one of his eyes closed, “and it wouldn’t even be about the boobies because you just deserve all the free tacos in the world for just being Rey. The boobies are just a nice bonus.”</p><p>Rey shook her head, a flush hitting her while they kept eating their terrible Mexican fast food that hit just the right spot in their inebriated haze while the musing of ear boy and skinny girl meeting at Fernando’s taco stand flashed in her mind.</p><p>After they had engorged themselves with just about everything they had ordered, which was a lot, Rey thought had he had fallen asleep after she started to clean up. Ben still had half a taco clutched in his hand against his chest, and Rey giggled as she gently grasped it from him and put it in one of the bags. Still half conscious, he protested slightly when she tried to get him out of his jeans, figuring he wouldn’t want to sleep in them, and then proceeded to remove her own. She had returned from the kitchen to get him some water when he still seemed passed out, so she started to collect all of the bags all over the bed.</p><p>“Hey, Rey?”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“Thanks for showing me terrible Mexican fast food. Del Taco did hit different.”</p><p>She laughed and walked over to him, kissing his forehead, “Of course.”</p><p>Almost making her way to his door, he spoke up again, “Hey, Rey?”</p><p>She turned again, “Yes?”</p><p>“You’re not going to leave me, are you?”</p><p>Rey nearly dropped the bags she was holding.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“It’s just that, everyone always does. And I don’t know if I could handle you leaving, too.”</p><p>“I—” She started and she looked up at him to see that he was on his side, eyes searching her. Wasn’t <em>she</em> supposed to be the one who was feeling this way? She did, after all. No, this wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Everyone always left <em>her</em>.</p><p>“I’m just not always strong like you.” He continued.</p><p>She wasn’t strong though, but she knew that is what she was projecting, even to Ben. How was she supposed to explain this to him, given their current state? She didn’t even think she could sober.</p><p>His expectant eyes appeared to be so tired, and it didn’t seem like they were just because he had almost been asleep. They were far too expressive. She left the bags she was holding on his dresser and made her way to him, lying down next to him and he placed his hand on her hip, no longer meeting her gaze.</p><p>“No, Ben. I am not going to leave you.”</p><p>Tears were forming in his eyes, and Rey wanted to wipe them away, “It’s just that, you’re so good and I’m not…I’m just so…so—<em>worthless</em>.”</p><p>His self-deprecation actually <em>offended</em> her, “How could you say something like that?”</p><p>His stare finally went back to her, “I just don’t want to scare you away. You—you mean so much to me.”</p><p>It was rather ironic because she had once accused him of the same thing. She sighed and scooched closer to him, kissing his mouth, wanting to take all of his sadness out of him, “You haven’t scared me away yet.”</p><p>He nodded and looked like he wanted to say something as he gave her earnest eyes once more, but then he just held her close. For once, Rey pulled back and searched his and looked at him, <em>really </em>looked at him. And through his helmet, through his cracks, underneath it all, she saw the eyes of a frightened boy whose family had seemingly done all of the wrong things to try and help him instead of realizing all he ever wanted was just to be seen. She grabbed his hand and still felt the alcohol in her system, feeling like it was adding more to her emotions. It was really a challenge for her to even think straight.</p><p>But Ben so rarely showed this side to her. She had only seen it a couple of times before, back when she had held him for the first time and then again when she first realized he was wearing his own suit.</p><p>All Rey wanted in this moment was to tell him that she understood how it felt to be abandoned. She wanted to kiss him, <em>really </em>kiss him without their suits on, so it was just them this moment without any pretenses, without the walls they had built up to protect them. She felt the tears well up in her eyes too as she touched his face as she prepared to peek the teensiest bit out of her helmet.</p><p>“I see you Ben.” she whispered in the softest, most determined voice.</p><p>And when she kissed him, and she felt like, perhaps he was peeking out of his as well. Because as she pulled away and she found those eyes again, it was in his stare that she witnessed all the grief. She continued to scan them over and over, and she found there had to have been something else in there too.</p><p>He sighed, and his hands raised to cradle her face as his gaze met hers, “And there you are Rey.”</p><p>Then Ben blinked, and Rey still saw the drunken haze in it too as they glazed over a bit. Perhaps this wasn’t the best time to have such a heavy realization hit both of them.</p><p>His hands moved to ride up and down her back, and Rey held herself to him, suddenly feeling too big for her body because she had never felt more understood. Like Ben was looking at her for the first time as well. And she felt entirely too drunk for this.</p><p>It felt like a headrush and the room was spinning when she looked up into Ben’s face again. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was him. Or maybe it was both.</p><p>She grinned at him slowly.</p><p>He grinned back.</p><p>Rey exhaled and rested her head under his chin, trying to center herself again.</p><p>“Rey—I,” he started after a few moments, but then his response died in his throat.</p><p>Backing up enough to look at him once more, her fingers traced over his lips, “What is it?”</p><p>A tear finally slid down his face, “I don’t know how to do this.”</p><p>She shook her head, no, they didn’t have to do this now because she didn’t either. Not while she couldn’t fit thoughts into feelings, and feelings into words, and again, even without alcohol that was an ask.</p><p>And because <em>he </em>always seemed like the strong one, not her.</p><p>“One day,” she blurted out, not even knowing how to finish the sentence, “we won’t wear our suits, okay?”</p><p>His clear confusion must have made him forget himself and he smiled, “What?”</p><p>She also smiled, feeling stupid, feeling almost too much, just <em>feeling</em>…but she knew she wanted to with Ben here, “Nothing, don’t worry about it.”</p><p>Ben kissed the crown of her head, moving to kiss her forehead several times before he sighed. It was moments like this where she felt like Ben Solo was creeping into her soul. And the very thing was that it didn’t feel forced, and it didn’t feel wrong. Like maybe he was always supposed to be there.</p><p>They laid there for a few minutes with Ben’s hands putting her in another trance as she drew circles on the juncture where his shoulder met his neck. She blinked a few times, judging like she got to be gratified for once. She hoped Ben felt the same.</p><p>“Hey, Ben?”</p><p>“Hm?”</p><p>“You’re pretty.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Yes, and the smartest, funniest, doofiest, caring—”</p><p>He flipped them over so she was on top of him.</p><p>“Why are you going around spreading lies like that?”</p><p>She rested her chin on his chest, “What, so you’re allowed to shower me with compliments, but I’m not allowed to do the same?”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s how this works.”</p><p>His hands danced on her lower back under her shirt.</p><p>Narrowing her eyes, she lifted her head to him, “You don’t get a lot of compliments, do you?”</p><p>Ben exhaled, “Not really.”</p><p>“Well,” she sat up, feeling like that was an <em>outright</em> atrocity, “allow me to remedy that. Benjamin Anakin Solo, you are the most wonderful person that I have ever met. You are the most hilarious, smartest, dorkiest, and sexiest man, and you will <em>always</em> be my hot neighbor boy,” she finished, poking a finger at his chest.</p><p>His mouth formed a line and he removed his hands from her back and covered his face with them. She removed them and saw that they were glassy again. After she reached to touch his face, he sighed.</p><p>“You’re too nice to me.”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I be?”</p><p>“I don’t deserve it.”</p><p>Her thumbs traced over his cheekbones, “Sure you do. When are you going to get that through your head?”</p><p>His fingers gripped around her wrists and he looked up at her with those poignant eyes, “I don’t know.”</p><p>She leaned down to kiss him, to be the balm to his melancholy that he so richly deserved, and as she pulled away, she licked at his chin in a playful manner. Her sentiments obviously were reading loud and clear to him because he responded with the same action, licking on her mouth in retaliation until their tongues were just dueling outside of their mouths in the least erotic manner, and now the lower half of her face was covered in Ben’s slobber. She wanted to die of laughter by the time she felt like she was just going to end up drooling on him—the sentiments of her former HNG self were <em>not </em>lost to this notion, so she opted to pop her tongue back in her mouth and giggle. He was smiling up at her now, a beautiful sight, but not before he took it upon himself to lick from her chin all the way up to her nose, and she recoiled at him, “Ben!” She shouted, grabbing his comforter to wipe away his offenses.</p><p>“Oh tell me, when did that go a step too far?” Ben joked.</p><p>“When your tongue went up my nostril.”</p><p>Ben’s grin was still very much intact, “My beautiful little weirdo.”</p><p>Her fiery retorts were not long lasting, however; his smile was infectious as she wiped at his face too with his comforter.</p><p>She decided to try a pet name out for her own, “My hunky tree trunk.”</p><p>The utterance of it caused him to give her the warmest eyes she thinks she had ever seen on him, and then she was rewarded with yet another earth shattering grin.</p><p>Rey smiled too, and she felt like she needed to just give into her drunken impulses considering they had just made out with each other’s faces, so she lowered herself to his stomach and lifted his shirt to kiss at his midsection.</p><p>“Ohh, now I’m full of Del Taco.” He whined, still sounding intoxicated.</p><p>She knew such outward signs of affection were not easy for her, and she figured that the alcohol helped with being able to be so honest with him, so for that she was glad. Hopefully one day she would just be able to tell him these sorts of things without any assistance.</p><p>Her hands roamed up under his shirt anyway, rubbing at his pectorals and he sighed again.</p><p>“Rey.”</p><p>She threw her head under his shirt and rooted up his body, loving being enraptured by his scent, and came up the other side, face peeking under his collar.</p><p>He gave her this slow smile that brightened up his features in the most beautiful way as he touched her face, “I don’t know what you’re doing, but it’s working whatever it is.”</p><p>“Working in what way?”</p><p>“All the ways. Definitely turning me on too.”</p><p>She smiled back at him from under his shirt, “Mission accomplished.”</p><p>“It’s not that difficult to do. You could turn me on just by breathing.”</p><p>She scoffed, “Are you discounting my efforts?”</p><p>His thumb traced over her lips, “Never,” he beamed, “now would you get out of there and kiss me properly?”</p><p>Rey hid her face from his view, “No, I like it in here.”</p><p>He groaned, “How am I going to explain that there’s a beautiful woman stuck in my shirt in court?”</p><p>“Just tell them I wanted full access to your amazing body,” she said as she caressed his pectorals again, “I think you have bigger tiddies than me.”</p><p>“I love your little tiddies though. What was I <em>just </em>talking about?”</p><p>“Eh.” She responded simply.</p><p>“And I don’t know how well ‘because of my big tiddies’ will go over to a judge to explain your presence.”</p><p>“I think that should be part of your advertising.”</p><p>“What,” he laughed, “that there’s a woman attached to me that refused to leave because of my tiddies?”</p><p>“No, that you’re hot. ‘Hot lawyer, willing to fight for you!’”</p><p>He threw his head back, “Now you’re just being silly.”</p><p>“No I’m not!” She defended, peeping her face out of the top again, giggling, “you know I googled you before we met?”</p><p>His hands reached down and caressed her back again, “That so?”</p><p>She blushed slightly, knowing she would never admit this while she was completely sober, “Yeah, I wondered if I could find you, so I googled all sorts of hot suit boy careers, hot lawyer being one of them.”</p><p>He chuckled, “No you didn’t.”</p><p>“Yes I did! You can even check my browsing history if you don’t believe me.”</p><p>He touched her head over the fabric of his shirt and slid it down to her neck, “That is just the sort of ridiculous thing I would expect from you. Any luck?”</p><p>She pouted, “No, just some dating websites and porn. But I thought if you were actually a lawyer, that you should have that slogan on those bus benches.”</p><p>His face scrunched up as he blanched at her, “No, I never wanted to put my face on one of those.”</p><p>“Really? Why not?”</p><p>“I don’t like the idea of people’s backsides rubbing on my face.”</p><p>Rey rested her cheek on his bountiful chest, “I see.”</p><p>“Well, besides one in particular,” he admitted, collecting one of her hands from under his shirt and kissing her knuckles, “she can do that whenever she pleases.”</p><p>She raised an eyebrow at him, “<em>Reeeally</em>?”</p><p>“You bet cha,” he said as he moved on to her palm, pressing his lips to it. He looked to her and groaned, “will you please come out from under there? I miss you.”</p><p>He was giving her those damn <em>eyes </em>again that she could honestly never resist, “But I’m right here.”</p><p>Shaking his head, he started to pull on her torso, “No,” he whined, “not close enough…I’ll rent out under my shirt to you another time, I promise, but right now I just want you to take up residence up much closer to my face.”</p><p>She sighed, “Fine.”</p><p>When she unraveled herself from his clothing, he practically yanked her to him, kissing her all over her face.</p><p>“I’m just visiting, okay?” She giggled as he started to kiss her neck.</p><p>“How long will you be in town?” He asked as he licked just below her ear, causing her to exhale serenely.</p><p>“Might stick around for a while, see what the real estate is out here and if there are any hot lawyers in my area.”</p><p>“Hm,” he hummed while one hand cupped one of her cheeks under her underwear, and the other went up her shirt, “I could help you look around.”</p><p>She gasped as he bit her on the place on her neck that she always loved him to pay attention to, “I guess it all just depends on their advertising.”</p><p>He bucked his hips to her, pressing his hardness against her, “I guess we’ll just have to be extra thorough in our search then.”</p><p>She sat up to straddle him, grinding down on him with just as much vigor and removed her top, “Well, I hear there’s one around that likes people’s backsides in his face. We’ll have to check him out.”</p><p>Ben’s eyes roamed up and down her body, and he soon sat up with her and kissed her. And then he kissed down her jaw, moving to her neck, and he continued his disjointed thoughts from before as his hands dipped to her backside again, “I think that lawyer is pretty particular about what asses he likes in his face.”</p><p>His hands up her back, fingers on her spine, which made her shiver. Then they were at the clasp of her bra, his eyes meeting hers, working on the clasp until it was undone, and she slowly removed it from her as his palms touched her skin. She moaned and her hips began to grind on him almost of their own accord.</p><p>He leaned forward and planted his face in between her breasts, kissing his way to one of her nipples, nuzzling it with his mouth before his tongue darted out to trace around it.</p><p>“Mm, hope I can make the cut.” She said as her own hands moved to rid him of his shirt as well, temporarily making her new home have more of an open concept, but that meant that she could run her hands all over him freely as his tongue danced over her chest.</p><p>She felt his fingers trace down her body again, grasping onto her thighs, lifting off of his lap, and onto the bed as he spoke, “I am sure you’d be the only one.”</p><p>Ben pulled away after he laid her there, touching her face, and just when it seemed like he was going to press his lips to hers once more, he started to laugh.</p><p>She stared up at him, bewildered, “What?”</p><p>He shook his head and leaned in very close to her again.</p><p>“<em>Oh </em>yeah, <em>this </em>is happening.” He declared just before he slanted his mouth over hers, which didn’t really give her much time to react, but she snorted into the kiss, but he just kept up with it anyway. She tried smacking at his shoulder, and she started laughing too.</p><p>“I bet your panties are just <em>drenched </em>now, huh?”</p><p>He had to of known that wasn’t a fair question to ask, terrible lines aside, but she played along anyway, “Ohhh, <em>yes </em>Benjamin, if you weren’t on top of me, I’d just slip right off the bed.”</p><p>He smirked widely at her and started to kiss her neck, then just below her ear, “See, I knew that line would work eventually. Just had to take the right girl.”</p><p>Okay maybe it was a better line than she gave him credit for. Or at least, with that follow up it was. Then she lost it when his kisses traveled down to her collarbones, and he moved himself off of her slightly so he could cup her over her underwear and groaned, “You weren’t kidding; I need to use that line more often then.”</p><p>She shook her head, despite her arousal, “You’re ridic—” her breath hitched as he pushed the fabric aside and slipped in a finger.</p><p>That girl was a fucking idiot.</p><p>Ben sat up and hooked his fingers into her panties, sliding them down her legs. Then his hands moved back up them slowly as his eyes drank her in and he smiled languidly at her.</p><p>“You’re very pretty.”</p><p>Rey sighed and wished she could still hide under his shirt.</p><p>He lowered himself slowly to her, arms sliding under her thighs as his eyes zeroed in on her cunt, laying a kiss over it, “This is really what I’ve wanted to devour all night.”</p><p>Then her breath hitched as his mouth dove into her immediately.</p><p> </p><p>And after his stupidly beautiful mouth had been lavishing her for what she thought was about half an hour, she had finished twice, and had remained extremely worked up as she lay there, still feeling like she needed to be entered and filled as her breaths were labored and he was kissing her all over her stomach. When she felt the absence of his body, her gaze darted up to him finishing the removal of his underwear, and then his hand grasped onto his dick, which was a sight she wanted to savor for the rest of her life.</p><p>Whatever was going on inside of that head of his excited her, as she saw the hunger behind his stare.</p><p>She sat up, eyes on him as he worked over himself slowly.</p><p>“Turn around.” He said definitively.</p><p>She did what she was told, and soon she felt his hands on her, bending her over. His palms grazed over her thighs, one of which dipped to her center again, finger swirling over her clit and she bit her lip as his length brushed up against the outside of her entrance. Her frustration and arousal only grew as he pulled away and pushed forward again, and her thighs instinctively closed around him as much as they could.</p><p>Rey felt herself unraveling, wanting more, so much more.</p><p>“Do you know how badly I want to fuck you right now Rey?”</p><p>She breathed out before answering, “Do you know how badly I <em>want</em> you to?”</p><p>“I might have some idea,” he chortled, “I just don’t know how I even it’s fair how breathtakingly amazing you are,” Ben prattled on as his cock still teasing her from the outside, “and your pussy Rey—oh your pussy is everything.”</p><p>“Ben,” she whispered, and before she could find herself begrudgingly begging, he pressed himself inside of her entrance with a purposeful thrust, pulling out of her, and then back in before he started to work into her more steadily.</p><p>She sighed, finally feeling that fullness she was yearning for, but he was still going much too aggra<em>vatingl</em>y slow.</p><p>After having slept with her as many times as he had at this point, Rey thought Ben would have learned not to test her patience when she really just wanted him to fuck her. Because really, Ben’s decision to tease her was <em>his</em> fault, and now she was here, in this place of high desperation.</p><p>And when it came down to it, Rey was was still <em>extremely</em> worked up and wasn’t here for his semi unhurried thrusts.</p><p>She grunted, breathing out an exasperation, “Goddammit Solo! Just <em>fuck</em> me already!”</p><p>He also grunted, pausing briefly before picking up the pace harshly, grasping onto her hips like she was going to float away if he let go over her, “<em>Mmm</em>, yell at me again.”</p><p>Exhaling, Rey was much more satisfied with his hastened rhythm, but she still had to process what he said, “W-<em>what</em>?”</p><p>“You heard me.” He stated without hesitation.</p><p>She titled her head slightly at him, despite how relentless he was being over now, “You <em>like </em>it when I yell at you?”</p><p>He nodded vigorously and bit his lip, “<em>Yes</em>…it is so fucking <em>hot</em>.”</p><p>This was a new, yet completely unsurprising development in their sex life, so she turned to face forward again, not having a difficult time at all thinking of something to shout at him, “You better keep that up Solo or I <em>will </em>have to finish myself off!”</p><p>“<em>Hm</em>.”</p><p>He sounded unhinged as he kept at it, which encouraged Rey to keep going, getting as much satisfaction out of this as he was, “You call that <em>thrusting</em>?! Come on, I know you can do more than that!”</p><p>Ben must have been unraveling already because his fingers dug into her so deep, she knew she was going to get bruises, “but can you take my cock Kenobi?” He posed, sounding completely heady with that low gravelly voice that drove her wild.</p><p>“Yes,” she rushed, “of course I can take it! The question is if you can actually deliver! Put your money where your cock is Solo!”</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” he cursed, moving his hands to push her completely down on the bed so she was on her stomach, and then he was over again, spreading her legs, shoving himself into her once more. As his pelvis met her ass again and again, he lifted her by her hips to try and deep as he possibly could go, “like that?”</p><p>Her head rolled to the side as his fingers reached and deftly fiddled with her clit, and she whimpered a bit, “You’re getting there.”</p><p>He had practically pulled her into his lap now, but he was still going. Rey quickly drove her ass back as far as she could to meet his thrusts, knowing how much he loved that, and it certainly got the desired result, “Mother <em>fuck</em>, Rey,” he breathed out harshly, pausing briefly.</p><p>“<em>Excuse </em>me, we haven’t got all day! Get back to work!” She shouted as she still slightly faced him.</p><p>His breath was so labored that she was surprised he wasn’t announcing that he was going to come. Instead, he was groaning, ever so loudly before he was hovering over her, hands bracing himself up on either side of her, and pumping rapidly once more.</p><p>“Back that ass up again, like how I like it.”</p><p>She did so willingly, and his breath hitched, but he didn’t stop his movements.</p><p>Rey felt herself become extremely turned on by this dynamic. She didn’t even feel like she was in control of her actions anymore as a cloud of arousal headed her senses. Her hand slithered down to her clit and she worked over it. That stimulation added in with Ben’s unremitting cock slinging into her, she felt herself close for the third time that evening. If that was being greedy, she didn’t give a fuck less in the moment.</p><p>Ben must have noticed the ministrations she was performing on herself.</p><p>“Yes Rey, I need that pretty little pussy to finish as my cock fucks into it.”</p><p>With her breaths worked up, fingers pressed into her clit, and Ben’s movements from above, she was there, shuddering and trembling with the most serene pleasure. Ben, too, shook above her and he moaned, hips jostling into a frenzy before they evened out again. Rey felt like she was probably about to ascend to the fucking equivalent of enlightenment at this point, and she wanted Ben to join her.</p><p>“Okay, are you going to come for me Solo!?”</p><p>Heavy breaths escaped his mouth, “<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“Yes! I’m going to come all over that perfect rounded ass of yours!” He shouted back.</p><p>“Well then, <em>do </em>it!”</p><p>He actually snarled this time before he somehow heaved into her at a more rushed capacity, and she saw that his hands were gripped at the sheets. Then, he was pulling out of her, and she felt the hot spill of his cum all over her ass and lower back, as promised. He was breathing so hard by the time his arms were on either side of her again.</p><p>“Holy fuck Rey, that was so hot. You’re so hot. I can<em>not</em>.” He claimed, and they stayed there motionless for several seconds.</p><p>She exhaled, trying to steady her mind and her breathing, “Oh my, Solo.”</p><p>“Oh my<em> indeed</em>.” He cajoled.</p><p>Rey looked back at him over her shoulder and wiggled her ass at him, “Like what you see?”</p><p>“Are you trying to get me immediately hard again Kenobi? Because that is how you will immediately get me hard again.”</p><p>She smiled and shrugged one shoulder, “Maybe.”</p><p>“I’m going to <em>need </em>a minute here, Jesus Christ.”</p><p>Rey smiled while she stretched her arms above her head for a moment, and then brought one of them up under her head to rest on. She watched Ben reach for his shirt and began to clean her behind with it. He inhaled deeply as his delicate motions wiped at his seed, “What a fine ass,” he observed.</p><p>Once he was done, she spotted him throwing it towards the hamper in his closet. He leaned down to kiss her on each cheek, and then he spanked her for good measure.</p><p>“Oooo.” She let out and he made an approving humming noise at her.</p><p>Then he was out of her view again as he crawled up next to her. Rey turned her head in his direction, and he was smiling at her.</p><p>“Come ‘mere,” he said softly, reaching for her. She didn’t hesitate sidling up to him as his arms enclosed around her and his fingers combed through her hair.</p><p>After a few moments, Rey smiled, “So…yelling, huh?”</p><p>She looked up at him and saw his grin, and then he shrugged.</p><p>“That a…<em>new</em> thing with you?”</p><p>Ben chuckled, hand raising to her face, “I would definitely say so.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>“You think I would <em>ever </em>want anyone else yell at me like that?”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes, “I would certainly hope not.”</p><p>The implications of him just being turned on by her Kenobi rage were all hitting her now as his dumb grin hit her too. <em>This </em>man.</p><p>He kissed her eyebrow and sighed, “And that was some top notch sex right there.”</p><p>She couldn’t believe him, “I agree.”</p><p>“We should like, win an award or something.”</p><p>Rey gave him an inquisitive brow and a chuckle, “Who would we even report that to?”</p><p>Shrugging, Ben smirked as one of his hands grazed to her ass, “I don’t know, but I feel like <em>someone </em>should know.”</p><p>“Remind me to put an announcement in the paper.”</p><p>Ben snorted, “Come on Rey that’s just silly…no one reads the paper anymore. Hardly anyone will see that.”</p><p>She felt herself titter up at him, “Well then I’ll just put out some smoke signals or something.”</p><p>He laughed, throwing his head back in the process, “Much better.”</p><p>“I’ll get right to it, first thing in the morning.”</p><p>His fingers traced over her lower back and cheek, “And you’ll let everyone know I came all over your beautiful ass?”</p><p>“I mean <em>duh</em>. It will be <em>Mulan </em>style from the roof of my apartment building, and soon, all of Los Angeles will know Ben Solo came on my ass.”</p><p>He chuckled, “And the people will look up at it and say...‘nice’ and ‘good for him,’” he quipped, and this sentiment was followed by a yawn before he kissed her forehead, “never change Rey.”</p><p>She yawned too, stretching herself over him, “As long as you don’t.”</p><p>The last words she heard before her consciousness slipped under made her hope they would follow her into her dreams.</p><p>“It’s a deal sweetheart.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>HOLY HELL.</p><p>wOW. There's a lot to unpack there. But honestly, the basic overall message of what I wanted to convey is that...their romance is progressing, and it has been just as slowly as their friendship did. I think that's important because it's what these two specific people NEED in order to progress and grow both together and separately. I am sorry this chapter is so long, but I felt like these scenes fit well together, and I kind of decided a long time ago I wanted to stop chopping up chapters for the sake of chopping up chapters. Idk. I guess you can take it in chunks anyway. And the other very important thing we learned...Ben's got a yell kink heh heh...or I should say, he's got a Kenobi rage kink. And is anyone surprised? NOPE. And Rey is MORE than willing to oblige heh heh 😈😈😈</p><p>I know I said I wanted to post yesterday, but this one scene got away from me, and I wanted to get the emotions of it just right, so I relented and thought I would post it today. Hope you guys are still with me here!</p><p>They <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9tZEcSc1qo">bOoOooooned!</a></p><p>Ben simply cannot help himself huh? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MX0SwQHIyW4">Sucking on them titties.</a></p><p>  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiP14ED28CA">How DOES Ben fit all of that in them jeans?</a></p><p>LOLOLOL I apologize for nothing.</p><p>Soooo here's a <a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>. AND...you guys I finally broke down and got a <a href="https://twitter.com/starsmyceiling">twitter</a>. I know so many of us reylos are over there, so I thought I would finally throw my hat in <s>even though my typical url was too long UGH had to get creative</s>. So yeah please come follow me on there too!</p><p>  <s>Also I hope you guys like my new cover photo for the fic I worked really hard on it 🙃🙃🙃</s></p><p>oKAY I've blathered on long enough I think! Love you guys forever and ever.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*shamefully spills loooong awaited chapter on you guys like a dozen fresh cupcakes and runs away*</p><p>Trigger Warning: childhood emotional abuse and neglect. Starts at “She was beset by it all almost immediately and hugged her body to him...” and ends at “Rey let out an unsteady breath and pulled back to meet his gaze.”</p><p>I saw you standing there<br/>Along with your guitar<br/>Like I was staring into the mirror<br/>Seeing the same sad scar<br/>I want to reach into you<br/>I want to hold you here<br/>But the tremors in your body make it hard to sleep</p><p>Yeah, the tremors in my body make it hard to speak these words</p><p>“<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBG6GFBrURg">Tremors</a>” –Two Tongues</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“We should’ve left earlier,” Rey stated, crossing her arms over her chest as she glowered, “now who <em>knows </em>how much traffic we’ll be stuck in.”</p><p>Ben sighed with one hand on the steering wheel as his eyes temporarily met hers, “Yes dear, you have made your feelings on that <em>very </em>plain…but it’s fucking <em>LA</em>. When is there not traffic?”</p><p>Rey felt her culmination of annoyance and frustration at an all time high as they moved—no, <em>moved </em>was too extreme a word for it; it was more like <em>ambled </em>on the freeway.</p><p>She scanned out the window of Ben’s big dumb black SUV, and it was only one in the endless sea of cars all around them. As it were, they had finally planned a trip for Rey to visit a winery—as she had <em>still </em>never been to one. Supposedly, there were several wineries they were going to see as they made their way to Solvang’s annual wine walk, a once Danish settlement outside of Santa Barbara that mostly just catered to winos and tourists. Poe was driving down later with Zorii, and Rey was just as shocked to learn that as Ben was.</p><p>Either way, Rey did not feel like this was a great way to start the weekend.</p><p>“We should get on the 210,” Rey claimed.</p><p>Ben seemed to have not heard her until he barely sloped his head in her direction, “But that’s going to take us sooo far out of the way up towards Sylmar. We should just stay on the 5.”</p><p>“It may take longer, but there’s usually less traffic on it.”</p><p>He tapped at his phone, “But that’s not what the GPS is telling us.”</p><p>“<em>Ugh</em>, whatever.”</p><p>Rey sat there and seethed for a couple of minutes as Ben’s Spotify playlist switched to the next song. She wished she were in charge of the music at the moment because she would most <em>certainly </em>play some revenge jazz right now.</p><p>“You should have packed earlier.” She stated, full of resentment.</p><p>His fingers raked through his hair, “Rey, you <em>know</em> I’ve been exhausted this whole week because Daniella has been sick. Otherwise, I’m <em>always </em>the one who packs first.”</p><p>Rey knew this and probably should have just packed for him, but he hadn’t asked, and she didn’t offer.</p><p>“Well next time, if you find yourself in a similar predicament, why don’t you just ask <em>me</em> to do it?” Rey offered in an acrimonious manner.</p><p>He huffed, “Well <em>I</em> didn’t know you’d be willing!”</p><p>“Of course I would, you big stupid man!”</p><p>“Okay good!”</p><p>“Great!”</p><p>It was amazing what she and Ben could accomplish while yelling at each other sometimes.</p><p>“I feel like we are on a documentary Rosie,” Finn whisper yelled from the back, “and we are viewing the two pugnacious baboons in their natural habitat.”</p><p>Rey glared back at him while Rose giggled, “Yes, it’s like we’re Steve Irwin back here, may god rest his soul.”</p><p>Scorning them for a few more seconds, Rey faced forward again.</p><p>Ben shrugged and dared to chuckle, “She probably would have messed it up anyway because I can be a bit…particular.”</p><p>Now Rey <em>had </em>to let out an unironic burst of laughter, “He would have been all like,” she started, squaring her shoulders before she attempted her best impression of his baritone American accent, “oh my <em>god </em>Reymond, this isn’t the pair of black underwear I wanted, I wanted the pair the fourth from the right, you reckless gremlin.”</p><p>He snorted and shook his head, “And you say my British accent is awful.”</p><p>“It’s deplorable.”</p><p>Ben sat up in his seat more and did the high pitch English impression that she so hated, “Oh, I’m <em>Rey</em>, and I like <em>tea </em>and annoying Benjamin more than anything in this whole bloody world!”</p><p>She pointed an accusatory finger at him, “You literally said it was your part time <em>job </em>to annoy me along with Finn, remember?”</p><p>Smirking widely, Ben reached out and grabbed that finger and kissed it, “And that is something that I still take <em>much </em>pride in.”</p><p>She scowled, snatching away from him. Rey could pretend to be irritated all she wanted, but the truth was that she had such an appreciation for the man that understood her so well, and that was even while he was still infuriating her.</p><p>However, she had an image to protect, so she crossed her arms again in her seat and faced forward.</p><p>“Idiotic American brute.”</p><p>“Officious British goblin.”</p><p>“Giant irritating bigfoot.”</p><p>“Devious little imp.”</p><p>Roaring laughter was heard from Finn and Rose, but she paid them no mind as she and Ben exchanged a smirk. He grabbed for her hand, and this time she did not pull away.</p><p>“There’s a faster route via the 210, which saves twelve minutes. Either tap to reject or stay on the current route.” The voice of the great, all knowing GPS bellowed throughout Ben’s car.</p><p>Ben smiled slowly, “How auspicious,” he said, raising Rey’s hand to kiss her knuckles, “and here I almost forgot that the gremlin is always right.”</p><p>“Smart man,” Rose tittered.</p><p>They only had made it to Santa Clarita by the time Ben stopped at a gas station. His hand in hers again, he looked up at her with gracious eyes, “Need anything sweetheart?”</p><p>She thought for a moment, “Just some water would be nice.”</p><p>Ben nodded and turned to the Peanut gallery in the back, “You guys want anything?”</p><p>“I’ll take some water too, thanks man.” Finn said.</p><p>Rose looked up from her phone, “I’m okay, thanks Benji.”</p><p>Rey found herself sighing, watching after Ben as his sasquatch gait carried him to the gas station store. Lord, she was such a stupid softie for him. What a ginormous idiot she was for this ginormous man.</p><p>A sudden thought hit her when he was halfway to his destination, and she rolled down the window, “<em>Benani</em>!”</p><p>This was, incidentally, her newest and most favored nickname for him that she was just kicking herself for not thinking of it much sooner as it was a perfect combination of his first and middle names. She had just said it to him on the couch one night, and he looked up at her like she had always called him that.</p><p>He quickly turned back to her, “Yeees?”</p><p>Rey gave him pleading eyes, “Hot Cheetos?”</p><p>Ben grinned, “I figured you and Finn would want some.”</p><p>And then he whirled around, leaving Rey to sit and marvel at him again.</p><p>She heard Finn chuckle, “Dear Christ, where did he even come from?”</p><p>Honestly, Rey would have loved to know the answer to that question too.</p><p>The journey down the 126 was a much more pleasant venture as the traffic was much less severe, and Rey stared out at the various farming lands and open spaces. Sometimes, she had forgotten what seeing those were like as she munched on her Cheetos. Every once in a while, she would feel Ben’s hand on her leg, or she would find her own gravitating towards his.</p><p>They didn’t argue for the rest of the car ride as the highway opened up into the vastness of the Pacific Ocean for a while before they dipped into the mountains.</p><p>As the sun began to set when they had arrived, Rey loved to look out at all of the quaint storefronts and charming small town streets.</p><p>There were, of course, a ton of little hotels that lined them, and Rey found herself in wonderment by the time they pulled into the parking lot of theirs, a prominent Danish flag over the top of it.</p><p>“Oh how <em>cute</em>!” Rey exclaimed, veering out of Ben’s front window, “And Danish!”</p><p>Ben chuckled, “I think that’s the point Reymond.”</p><p>She looked back to him, “Right, duh.”</p><p>By the time they walked into the lobby, Rey was already completely sold on the whole gimmick, grabbing at the complimentary danishes as Ben checked them in. Finn had as well while Rose joined Ben at the counter. The clear, more responsible ones making themselves known.</p><p>When they stepped into their room, again Rey was in love with the completely over the top kitschiness of it, figuring she herself was just a little tacky at this point and launched herself face down onto the bed immediately as Ben announced his plans on using the bathroom. She sighed into the pillow, wholly relieved that they had finally made it. Momentarily, she heard the toilet flush, and soon enough, there was a giant presence laying itself on top of her.</p><p>“Yes,” she barely was able to let out, “I <em>did</em> suddenly just grow tired of breathing.”</p><p>Ben chuckled, kissing the back of her neck, “I had a feeling.”</p><p>He raised himself enough to let her turn around to face him, and he kissed her again on the mouth. Her fingers lifted to his hair, and they continued to kiss for several more moments before his tongue slid across her lip. What, they had been alone for about forty-five seconds? Time to start making out, obviously.</p><p>Rey sighed into it as one of her hands ventured down his back and under his shirt that he had no business looking so good in. His arms slid themselves around her as they continued to explore each other’s mouths, and Rey wondered if there was ever going to be a time where she just didn’t want to have her hands and her entire being all over him.</p><p>Before things could escalate, however, Ben’s phone started to buzz in his pocket and groaned, “Who would <em>ever </em>dare to disturb me now?”</p><p>He rolled onto his side and dug for his phone, “Oh, it’s Poe, hold on.”</p><p>Ben answered it, asking Poe how he was doing on his drive, and Rey decided that she was just going to keep sucking on his neck anyway as Ben switched the phone to his other ear to accommodate her, “She canceled just like that? Dude that sucks I’m sorry…Well, you’re still coming, aren’t you?”</p><p>Rey stopped kissing his skin and frowned up at him. Ben wrapped his other arm under her again and began caressing her bottom, almost absentmindedly it seemed, “Oh okay, good…I’m sorry man. You’re still going to have a good time with us.”</p><p>She could barely hear Poe’s voice through the phone as she went back to work on Ben’s neck, but Rey swore she heard him say something along the lines of ‘You guys don’t know how to party without me.’</p><p>“Sure, sure Dameron—<em>ngl</em>—” Ben puffed out as Rey began to palm at the hardness through his jeans, and he coughed out, perhaps trying to cover up his arousal, “what<em>ever</em>, mm, you have to tell yourself.”</p><p>The grip on her ass grew firmer, and he shook his head, “No, we are not <em>fucking</em>,” and now his hand dipped into the back of her pants, “probably, yeah—okay whatever, we’ll certainly be done by the time you get here.”</p><p>He shook his head, “Yes, I <em>promise</em>. And that will be a lot more likely if you let us get to it now.”</p><p>Rey pushed at his shoulder, encouraging him to lay all the way back as she swung her leg over and straddled him. Ben closed his eyes, “<em>Mm</em>, no—just ah,” he sputtered as Rey started to grind on him, “just call me when you get here, okay? <em>Bye</em>!”</p><p>And then he was tossing his phone away from him and devoured her mouth in a kiss, “That was very inconsiderate of you.”</p><p>Her mouth moved to his neck again, “Oh?”</p><p>Ben nodded, “Yes…and I expect that you interrupt all my calls just like that from now on,” he stated as his other hand joined his first on her backside.</p><p>She smiled, fully intending to do this, but then was also interrupted by <em>her</em> phone ringing in her purse next to them. Ben all out laughed as she groaned and dug around for it, finding it eventually to see that it was Finn; she sighed and answered the call, “<em>Yes </em>Finnegan.”</p><p>“Hey Peanut, Rosie and I were just wondering what you wanted to do for dinner,” he inquired while Ben sought revenge on her by nudging his nose against one of her breasts, and she breathed in while she tightly shut her eyes.</p><p>“I don’t know; I am sure Ben knows somewhere we could go, don’t you Ben?”</p><p>He nodded against her, pulling down her shirt to suck on the top of her breast.</p><p>“Alright, cool! Should we expect that we will meet up with you guys after you’re done fucking?”</p><p>The way in which he asked the question in such a casual manner threw her off, and then she heard Rose giggling in the background.</p><p>“We are <em>not </em>fucking!”</p><p>“Yet!” Ben said loudly enough for Finn to hear, and she smacked him on the shoulder.</p><p>Finn was laughing now too, and she shook her head, “Give us like fifteen—mm <em>twenty </em>minutes,” she corrected as Ben bit her nipple through her clothing.</p><p>“Y’all are <em>animals</em>—” Finn started to say, but then he was cut off by Rey hanging up on him as Ben pulled down her bra until her breast was fully exposed, and his palm grazed over it immediately.</p><p>“Hmm, we really are, you know,” Ben claimed as he revealed the rest of her chest and enclosed his lips onto her already extremely peaked nipple.</p><p>“Yeah, so <em>what</em>,” she said, not even caring in the slightest as her hand raised to his hair, and she started to roll her hips over his once more, “now we’ve only got nineteen more minutes Solo. Think we can do it?”</p><p>His tongue was still on her skin, and he chuckled, “When have we ever backed down from a challenge?”</p><p>And then he flipped her over and already started to tug at the button of her jeans.</p><p> </p><p>‘<em>How could anyone ever love you? You pathetic, little girl. I am all you have in this world. </em>Never <em>forget that.</em>’</p><p>At this point in her life, Rey was pretty habituated to chronic nightmares. They seemed to be as much as a part of her routine as going to the dentist for a teeth cleaning. Though, she wished there was some way for her to clean the nightmares out of her brain. At this point, the frequency and severity of them were getting harder and harder to ignore, which is what she usually did in this situation, or honestly, <em>all </em>situations in her life.</p><p>Waking up with the tremors, the hysterical breathing, the images still fresh behind her eyelids.</p><p>If she had ever woken up with one and someone in her bed, they would seem concerned, sure, but most of the time, she could convince them that it was just a bad nightmare and they needn’t worry about it. And this is when they were happening on a much less recurrent basis.</p><p>She knew that it was only a matter of time where she would have one in front of Ben—one that he would be <em>aware</em> of—and she dreaded it ever so much when her number was finally up.</p><p>Rey felt herself writhing around and nearly sobbing when she heard Ben’s deep voice and his arms wrapped around her.</p><p>“Sweetheart, sweetheart! It’s okay,” he insisted, but it did <em>not </em>seem okay because for the first few moments, she was prone to shaking, still somehow confounded every time this happened, “you were having a nightmare.”</p><p>Finally done with her more violent reactions, she began to feel the after effects. Ben’s arms were running up and down her back now with a few kisses on her hairline, “I’m still here Rey. I’m right here.”</p><p>She wanted to sob all over again as her face planted safely in his neck. He shouldn’t have to see her like this. He shouldn’t have to deal with her. This was something she always tried to deal with on her own.</p><p>But here he was with his hands solid on her skin, and his steady breathing calming hers down. She backed away to look at him, and with her crumpled spine and faulty sensibilities, she felt sick, small, and exenterated. A shuddering breath escaped her mouth. Rey knew she lacked the confidence to say what was on her mind. The tremors in her body shook her fiercely, and she realized they went much deeper than her present quivering bones because they were in her <em>soul</em>.</p><p>And Ben was still holding her there, reaching into her, and it was like looking into a mirror because she saw those same sad scars in his eyes. Without words, he lifted his hand to run his fingers over her face, wiping at the tears and scaled to her chin, where he held it and leaned in to leave a soft kiss on her lips. Rey almost whimpered, staring at him once he was in view, shining so pale and bright.</p><p>She was beset by it all almost immediately and hugged her body to him, willing herself to believe that this was only just a dream.</p><p>But Rey needed him here with her; she <em>needed</em> him here just to see her, completely naked and vulnerable. For once.</p><p>“I—I just want him to go away.” She whispered.</p><p>He kissed her forehead, and his hands were on her back again, caressing up and down soothingly, “Who?”</p><p>It was a long few moments before she spoke in a meek voice that she didn’t even recognize, “M-my grandfather.”</p><p>She felt his fingers in her hair now, “Is he who you have nightmares about?”</p><p>All Rey did was nod against his neck and shook again.</p><p>There was another pause. Rey welcomed it as her eyes closed from Ben’s ministrations.</p><p>“I have nightmares too,” Ben admitted after a spell. His words were almost like a gentle camaraderie, “about my childhood and about all the poor choices I’ve made that led me to the wrong people.”</p><p>She felt her body stiffen as a protective wave for Ben crashed over her, “Yeah?”</p><p>Despite her concern, it also slightly assuaged her soul knowing she wasn’t the only one.</p><p>Ben nodded and held her tighter, “When I was little, I thought there was actually something…<em>wrong</em> with me,” he muttered softly against the crown of her head, “and maybe there was. That much isolation wouldn’t be too great for a child I’m imagining.”</p><p>Rey knew this firsthand, “No.”</p><p>Exhaling, his fingers continued to trace over the notches of her spine, and she wanted to lay a memory of him into each one as he did, “I used to make up these voices that I would talk to so I could keep my mind occupied, and I ended up talking to myself a lot, along with Rhady. It was fine for a while, but then…I don’t know what happened, but they…turned dark.”</p><p>She looked up at him again, “What do you mean?”</p><p>His eyes were distant, unfocused into the darkness of the room, “Sometimes I would speak as my mother, or my father, and other times, I would…convince myself <em>I</em> was the reason why they weren’t around, and I think it manifested from there. And so I had nightmares about these voices, these, dark shapeless monsters that would just…tell me I’m worthless and that I was bad,” Ben reeled, and Rey was hanging on his every word as his low voice became slow and removed, “sometimes they felt so <em>real</em> when I would wake up, like they would follow me as twisted voices in my head. I felt like I was crazy, and I didn’t know…what to do.”</p><p>Rey inhaled sharply; that’s precisely what happened to her.</p><p>“Did you ever tell your parents?” She asked sincerely.</p><p>“I didn’t know how,” Ben admitted warily. Rey’s heart broke into an unimaginable amount of pieces, “so I never did, and by the time I got older that’s when I—started acting out,” he explained, and he turned his head for a moment, and his eyes darted away as he whispered, “they still follow me Rey.”</p><p>Is this what it was like for two broken souls, touching chest to chest? Would the pain ever end?</p><p>Rey’s hands outstretched to his face, and her forehead pressed against his chin while the tears streamed down her cheeks in an open sob, “Ben, I’m so…I’m so <em>sorry</em>,” she whined as she ducked her face into him.</p><p>She wanted to take it all away from him. She wanted to reach into his soul and grasp at the anguish and crush it.</p><p>His hands were still on her back, “You don’t need to be sorry sweetheart.”</p><p>Rey had little awareness of how her lips ended up against his collarbone, but she pressed them against it and placed her hands on his neck and whispered, “Yes I do.”</p><p>Ben shivered before he squeezed her tight again.</p><p>“Mine still follow me too,” Rey murmured, wanting him to know he still wasn’t alone, “…I feel like he’s <em>always </em>there…telling me,” she sniffled, “telling me that all I’ll ever have is him, and I think Ben—I think…” she couldn’t even mutter words, tremors claiming her again.</p><p>As Ben held her close, it was almost as if his trembles were cascading with hers, “He’s always haunted me the most when I’ve been so miserable. But now it’s turned into…something else—” she didn’t want to say it because it would make it too real, and she would be that little girl again who just wanted a family that loved her, “and I think—I think it’s because I am actually h-happy.”</p><p>Rey knew the concept didn’t make much sense, but that is how it had been when she was a child.</p><p>Ben’s hands moved to hold her face as the tears kept falling. His countenance expressed fault, as if he were the one that wronged her so tremendously as a child. She shook her head severely at this, even though he hadn’t even said anything at all.</p><p>And now, she felt like an entirely new person as she, Rey Kenobi, took her helmet off completely for the first time since she was a child. She breathed the air of the outside world, inhaling deeply and letting it out before she spoke.</p><p>“H-he always had me under his thumb,” she started, gaze not quite meeting Ben’s eyes, “he’s the reason I came here after my parents went missing in the UK, and I was just so excited to have any family that I blindly fell right into his sadistic grasp.”</p><p>Ben kissed her forehead, assuredly acquiescing to just sit and listen. Rey sighed, “And it was slow at first, ordering me around on what to wear and how to act, then…he started monitoring my meals and didn’t let me leave my room, and sometimes I wouldn’t know how long I was in there, all the while telling me that he was the only person who could ever look after me—and no, you can’t cry. No one wants to see that, and if they do, then you’re just going to push them away.”</p><p>Ben let out a strange, distressed noise. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him because it was just too hard, so she kept herself planted into him, “And one day I told my teacher after she asked me why I didn’t have a lunch for the third day in a row. I didn’t know if any of this was normal or not. Then one thing led to another…and that’s when I ended up in the system…and—he didn’t—he didn’t even <em>fight </em>for me…even though he <em>knew </em>how horribly I was treated; he did nothing about it. He knew that I was with a family that would leave me in a dog cage all day…or another one who let their creepy neighbor watch me, so I had to lock myself in my room to get away from him.”</p><p>She thought maybe she had stunned Ben from speaking, or perhaps he didn’t know what to say. It was the ugliest part of her past she had never spoken about to anyone except Kaydel’s family. Ben just kept her tight against him.</p><p>“So it wasn’t until—until I was with a family that was good to me that he wanted me back,” Rey quietly explained, “he got under my skin again, convincing me that they didn’t actually care about me and that I could only really be happy with him, and I—I believed him,” she whispered before letting out a sob, pausing for a few moments until she spoke again, “he just couldn’t leave me alone and let me be happy.”</p><p>She left them, the only place that she had ever felt love, like she could be a normal child that didn’t have to worry about the abuse she had endured. Kaydel’s mother Frances tried to convince her to stay, but his claws were just too deep in her.</p><p>“I ran away after a while because I finally realized I would rather be homeless than be with him, so that’s how I ended up back in the system,” Rey indicated. She never felt like she could face Frances again, so she stayed away.</p><p>Finally looking up into Ben’s eyes, she realized that they were  also full of tears, “He tried emailing me, before we met,” and despite herself, she smiled slightly, “I was sitting at the table while you were sitting at yours, our old parallel lives.” She swore she saw him have a ghost of one too, “and then there it was in my inbox…I—I deleted it immediately, and then launched myself from the table and sobbed on my couch for hours. I thought I probably looked insane. And I—have been having regular nightmares ever since.”</p><p>“I—I think I remember that,” Ben said softly, “I didn’t realize you were crying, and I definitely didn’t think you looked insane.”</p><p>Rey scoffed, “Well, that’s good at least.”</p><p>They didn’t speak again for a couple of minutes while Ben’s hands roamed on her back once again.</p><p>“What did he want?” He asked gently.</p><p>Rey raised a finger to trace over his collarbone now, and she shook her head, “He hasn’t contacted me in a long time, but it’s always the same thing. He wants me to accept his inheritance, which I have always refused. I’ve told him in the past that if he still is going to leave me in his will that I will just give it all away to charity. I don’t want any part of it. All he cares about is his money going to the only family he has left—but that man is <em>not </em>my family. And now he’s going to die old, bitter—and <em>alone</em>.”</p><p>There was another silence as Rey processed everything, “I just—I just can’t even fathom that I <em>believed </em>him. All the lies, all the false promises.”</p><p>Ben backed away from her so he could place a hand on her cheek, “No Rey,” he whispered, “you were a <em>child</em>. You always want to believe your family—I—I know that too.”</p><p>She looked up into his eyes, and he gave the slightest nod. Suddenly, all of Rey’s emotions were crowded in her periphery, and it was just so <em>much</em>. </p><p>Her arms wrapped around his neck. Then she had to concentrate on breathing calmly and shook, once again, only this time it felt different.</p><p>“Thank you…for listening to me.” She managed without sounding like an emotional mess again.</p><p>His hand was securing her head, “Thank you for listening to me.”</p><p>Rey let out an unsteady breath and pulled back to meet his gaze. </p><p>She still saw him; he was right there.</p><p>The kiss they shared was from both of them leaning into it, and it was soft, slow, and remarkable. It was everything. </p><p>When it ended, he kissed her again. And again while running his fingers through her hair.</p><p>Then she turned around, and he held her close, nuzzling his nose into her crown before kissing it.</p><p>Rey thought of those bags again. The cracks in her helmet. She knew they were embedded in her skin where the glass had shattered, scarring her all over her face.</p><p>But right now in this moment, however, even if it was steeped in a tranquil ephemerality, she didn’t feel them.</p><p> </p><p>“So how does this work again?” Rey asked, taking out the piece of paper Ben handed her after he had checked them in.</p><p>Ben smiled, “So this is a map of the main street here with all of the wineries numbered along it,” he explained while pointing to where the line on the map was, “and if you flip it over,” which he did, “these are all the names of the wineries that correspond with the numbers. When we go to one, they cross it off.”</p><p>Rey looked at it and flipped it back over and again, “But there’s like seventeen of them! We’re going to die of alcohol poisoning!”</p><p>Laughing, Ben shook his head, “They only give you a little bit at each one.”</p><p>“Oh…okay, well still, how will we get to them all?”</p><p>He shrugged, “Guess we’ll have to be very determined.”</p><p>Finn and Rose walked up beside them, and he put his arm around Rey, smiling from ear to ear as he was finally getting the wine trip he always wanted, “Who’s ready to get hammered!?”</p><p>“I certainly am!” Poe said, now also approaching them from the check in booth.</p><p>Then Finn looked to Ben, “And to assay the many splendors the various wines this charming little town has to offer.”</p><p>Ben smiled and then bore a solemn look on his face, “Of course.”</p><p>Rose was bouncing on her heels, “Come on now, no time like the present! Let’s get this show on the road!”</p><p>They started on one end of the street, figuring they would make their way down the line. Rey and Rose were walking in front of the boys, arms linked as they made their way to the first winery. Rey was smiling a bit too, “I am actually really excited to go to my first winery.”</p><p>Rose giggled, “Well it looks like it’s going to be your first seventeen wineries!”</p><p>Rey stared wistfully off into the distance with a raised hand, “Ah, a girl never forgets her seventeenth time.”</p><p>They broke out into laughter, and Rey snorted, “Do you really think we can make it to all of them?”</p><p>“Hmm,” Rose hummed with a thoughtful expression, “shall we be the ring leaders of this band of idiots and make sure we are on schedule?”</p><p>At this, Rey turned back to the boys. Ben in the middle, and she had absolutely no context as to why Poe smacked Ben’s ass, pretty hard from the looks of it. Rey shook her head as Ben glowered at Poe. They hadn’t even started drinking, “Yeah, I think we’ll have to be, and if anyone is up to the task, it’s you Tico.”</p><p>Rose nodded with narrowed eyes, “I <em>do </em>take my wine drinking very seriously.”</p><p>“As you <em>should</em>,” Rey agreed.</p><p>In the first couple of wineries they went to, Rey felt very accomplished as they crossed off her map, and she was more than delighted to try anything they would give her. Finn, of course, was being all <em>Finn </em>about it as he swirled sangiovese around in his glass.</p><p>“Hmm, definitely savory.” He insisted, smelling it before he drank any.</p><p>“Finny, honey, if you are going to be like this the whole time, I am going to have to break up with you.” Rose posed, already finished with her sample.</p><p>Finn held up his hand to her, “Hold on Rosie, I am trying to concentrate.”</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes, but she had a hint of a smile as the bartender poured out her second sample. Rey giggled, loving to watch her best friends like this.</p><p>Rose efficiently commissioned the following wineries, staying true to her aforementioned position, “Come on people, we have more alcohol to drink. <em>Let’s get a move on it</em>!”</p><p>Finn was still at the bar when she was attempting to corral everyone to the next place, and he turned to her and smiled, “You are so sexy when you organize everyone so promptly,” he admitted, leaning over to kiss her.</p><p>Rose shook her head, “My productivity is why you fell in love with me, isn’t it?”</p><p>He pointed finger guns at her, “You betcha!”</p><p>Then Finn roped Ben into his little game at the next place. They swirled their glasses around and stared at each other while Poe, Rey, and Rose just drank their samples without such pretense.</p><p>“Hmm,” Ben hummed, leaning down on the bar with one elbow.</p><p>“Hmm,” Finn hummed right back.</p><p>“Lemon peel?” Ben posed.</p><p>Finn nodded and took another minuscule sip, letting it simmer in his mouth. Rey was having such a hard time trying not to laugh at them, “Dried rosebuds.”</p><p>Ben’s eyebrows furrowed together as Finn did the same, “Just a hint of,” he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth a couple of times, “burnt cassia?”</p><p>“Ohh yes, good catch! I’m also sensing that it’s—peppery in the back,” Finn pontificated, but then he and Ben looked at each other.</p><p>“The front.” They concluded at the same time with a nod.</p><p>Poe scoffed before observing his glass, “I believe this is a—<em>red</em> wine.”</p><p>Rey and Rose were snickering, and Rey raised an eyebrow, “But how can you be so sure?”</p><p>He held up a hand to her, “Look, I <em>know </em>this is too difficult for you to understand Rey,” he said, still holding up his glass again and leaned back, “but I guess I just have more of a refined palate than you.”</p><p>“I’ll have you know that I am the most sought after connoisseur of hot sauces in all of LA county,” Rey claimed, also holding up her glass.</p><p>Poe placed a hand to his chest, “Oh <em>my</em>, lady hot sauce! I thought you were a myth!”</p><p>They all shared a laugh while the two wine morons were still deciding what other hints of whatever wine they were drinking.</p><p>“Is that something green too? Like watermelon, perhaps?” Finn asked.</p><p>“Babe, you know it says what ingredients are in it on the menu they gave us.” Rose pointed out.</p><p>Finn whipped his head to her, appearing to be completely aghast, “Are you accusing Benjamin and I of <em>cheating</em>?”</p><p>Rose kissed his cheek, “Of course not.”</p><p>But when Finn turned back to the bar, he and Ben exchanged another look and held up the menus.</p><p>“Ahh, you were right about the lemon peel and the cassia,” Finn read.</p><p>“And <em>you</em> were right about the dried rosebuds,” Ben concluded.</p><p>They stared back at each other and shook hands.</p><p>Rey almost spit out her wine and had to hold a hand to her mouth.</p><p>“Alright, time to get to the next places boys, so finish up your glasses <em>now</em>,” Rose demanded.</p><p>“Oooo, honey, stop being so hot,” Finn growled, throwing back the rest of his wine.</p><p>Rose rolled her eyes and grabbed his arm, pulling him along. Rey approached Ben, and he smiled. She knew that smile. It was the smile of drunk <em>dork </em>Ben emerging, and she couldn’t be more pleased.</p><p>“My fiery little bean,” he said while collecting her by the waist and leaned down to kiss her.</p><p>She returned it and grinned before she grabbed his arm too, “Come on Benani, Rose will kill us if we don’t keep up,” she concluded and was yanking him away, and then Poe, who was talking to a pretty blonde girl, out the door.</p><p>“Hey! I was talking to her,” Poe complained, “I was just starting to put the old Dameron charm on her!”</p><p>Rey laughed, “We’re all going to the same places. I am sure you will see her again.”</p><p>“If she was supposed to be the future Mrs., I will come back and haunt you.”</p><p>Snorting, Rey let go of his arm as they walked, “<em>You</em>? <em>Married</em>?”</p><p>Poe also laughed along with Ben, “Okay, that <em>does </em>sound ridiculous.”</p><p>When they arrived at the next winery, Rose and Finn were already sipping at their wine. Rose was laughing at Finn, shoving his shoulder, “Ben, get over here. I can’t deal with this.”</p><p>Ben approached them with a smile, “What’re you picking up on?”</p><p>Finn clicked his palate with his tongue, “Hmm, marzipan and cherry.”</p><p>Ben was getting his wine from the bartender, and then she proceeded to fill Rey’s and Poe’s glasses as well, “That’s right! You have a good sense there.”</p><p>Rose laughed, “<em>Please </em>don’t encourage him.”</p><p>The bartender laughed, “He the sommelier of the group?”</p><p>Rose gestured to Finn and Ben, “These two knuckleheads have been driving us all <em>nuts</em>.”</p><p>“What year is this?” Ben asked, clearly paying what Rose was saying no mind.</p><p>“2017.” The bartender said.</p><p>“Ohhh,” they both said into their glasses, and Finn even closed his eyes with a slight smirk.</p><p>“Of course,” he said.</p><p>“Of course,” Ben returned.</p><p>Rey couldn’t hold back the laughter as Poe joined her. Rose returned to them, throwing her arms up in the air, “They’re hopeless.”</p><p>They had their next bit of wine from the bartender, who did tell them the notes as she was pouring it, which made Finn and Ben look like they were going to explode from excitement.</p><p>Rose was smiling into her glass, and Rey suspected that Rose was actually getting an exceeding amount of entertainment from the wino duo. Rey knew <em>she </em>certainly was.</p><p>“Alright, I’ve had just about enough of your Finjamin shenanigans you two!” Rose exclaimed, “On to the next one, let’s go!”</p><p>Rey laughed, “Finjamin?”</p><p>Rose shrugged as they were walking out, “Seemed a fitting name for them, don’t you think?”</p><p>She pondered on this for a moment, tapping her chin, “Hmm, I think I like Bennegan personally.”</p><p>This caused Rose to snicker, “That just sounds like a family restaurant where you give the kids coloring sheets and crayons.”</p><p>The concept alone was ridiculous, but Rey couldn’t be more for it, “I stand by my position!”</p><p>Rey was starting to feel extremely giddy in the next winery, smiling at everything as she walked around the mini store inside, her eyes widening at various knick-knacks and the like. Her little scavenger brain was just about on overload as she drank her wine. There were about fifty things Rey wanted to frivolously purchase, amazed that this establishment had such a random selection of items. She was feeling these hand towels that had Bebe looking cats on them when her eye caught on something. There was various jewelry on a display rack, and most of it was a little tacky and gaudy, which Rey expected honestly, but her focus was on something else entirely.</p><p>On the rack, there were woven bracelets filled with all different sorts of colors, and it gave her a pang in her chest. She and Kaydel used to make bracelets just like these together, the memories of it making her struggle to breathe for a moment. Her fingers touched along the various leather strands, sighing. Then she <em>really</em> felt a twisted sense of melancholic nostalgia when her gaze settled on the gold and silver ones. They looked just like the last ones that she and Kaydel ever made together, the echo of giggles while they sat on the floor under the kitchen table weaving them together ringing in her ears. Rey remembered that she used to wear them all of the time. At some point in college, in between all of the various apartments and dorms she lived in, however, she had lost track of them. It made her so sad that she could never bring herself to make another one.</p><p>“See something you like?”</p><p>Rey was startled by Ben’s voice behind her, and she tried her best to look normal while plastering on a smile, “Uh—yeah, of course! You know me. I’ve seen about fifty things that I want.”</p><p>“As I expected,” he stated while looking in her eyes, and something in his told her that he was reading her like a book now, knowing her absolutely too well—even having drank as much as he had. His hand raised to her face. She sighed at the contact when his thumb traced over her cheekbone.</p><p>Her smile must not have reached her eyes, so she lifted her hand to the gold and silver bracelets again, “I used to make bracelets like this when I was little wi—” <em>nope</em>, she wasn’t ready to talk about Kaydel yet, especially not here like this, in front of all of these people, “and I made ones that looked just these that I—end up losing at some point,” she explained as she stared forlornly at them again.</p><p>Ben gazed at her one last time before his subsequent movements were swift and unhesitant as he plucked the pair of bracelets off the holder and walked over to the register. Rey held a hand over her chest to keep from having a complete meltdown as she watched Ben make his purchase and turn back around to her, marching up to her like he had just done the most mundane thing in the world. And sure, the bracelets probably only cost a few dollars, but Ben wasn’t even aware of the significance as he smiled and tried his best with tying one of them around her wrist with his giant fingers, his fine motor skills being put to the test. Rey looked up to him with tears in her eyes, feeling like she had been struck over her head <em>hard </em>with all of her emotions.</p><p>He smirked at her after he was finished, and she wiped at her nose, not wanting to get too in her feelings as she picked up the other one and tied it around his. Even though it was much more of a struggle, the strings straining to fit around his much thicker wrist; however, she was successful, and the odd mixture of woe and joy was amalgamating in her stomach when her gaze went upwards to his again.</p><p>They both had lived with too much woe in their lives, but she couldn’t even tell as their matching beams at one another was interrupted by her throwing her arms around his neck, raising to her tiptoes, and kissing him with complete abandon. He returned it of course, holding her to him. Fingers brushed through his hair as she pulled away.</p><p>“Thank you.” She whispered.</p><p>Ben chuckled, the pads of his fingers on her lips, “Well, it <em>did </em>put me out like seven dollars—”</p><p>Rey jerked in his hair in protest, completely forgetting in her alcohol clouded brain that that was something he <em>really </em>liked in bed, causing his eyelids to flutter, “<em>Fuck</em> Rey,” he bayed as his body shuddered, “not while we’re in public.”</p><p>“Sorry,” she whispered and lifted up to kiss him again.</p><p>“Hey, when you kids are done making out in public, we’re gonna go to the next place!” Rose shouted at them, sounding downright chipper. Yup, chipper drunk Rose was coming out too; Rey loved her.</p><p>They looked over while still holding on to each other as if Rose was interrupting them behind closed doors. Rey glanced at Ben and smiled, kissing him one more time before she disentangled herself from him.</p><p>He grabbed the hand that now bore the bracelet and kissed it, and Rey smiled, “Okay, seven dollars that is a ripoff.”</p><p>Ben burst out laughing and then shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you actually explain what you guys are doing?” Rey asked the aforementioned ‘Finjamin’ or ‘Bennegan.’</p><p>“Don’t take her to the dark side!” Rose shouted at them as she and Poe got their wine.</p><p>Finn looked back at them and scoffed, “She asked <em>us</em>, okay!”</p><p>“Hey, hey now…I just want to see what the fuss is about!” She defended, “Then I’ll be right back with you guys.”</p><p>“You say that now Rey,” Ben said, pulling her in by the waist, waggling his eyebrows, “but just you wait until those aromas hit your nose, and it’s all over for you.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “Don’t tempt me with a pretty set of eyes.”</p><p>He started blinking rapidly to emphasize his point, and Rey shoved him, “Oh my god, <em>stop</em>!”</p><p>The bartender came over and explained to them that this was a shiraz, and Rey honestly had no idea what that meant, but again she could see that it was <em>red</em>—eat your heart out Poe.</p><p>Ben turned to her with that dumb smile and started swirling his glass, “So doing this breaks up the alcohol and releases the aromas. Shiraz is more of a full bodied wine.”</p><p>She mimicked what Ben and Finn were doing, and Ben instructed her to smell it. It didn’t smell like anything else but wine to her, but she did have a lot of that in her system already.</p><p>“Do you smell the vanilla and cedar?” Finn asked.</p><p>“Um,” she thought, “sure.”</p><p>Ben smirked slowly at her and rubbed her arm.</p><p>“And you sort of hit the roof of your mouth, so you get those aromas too,” Ben explained, so Rey tried it.</p><p>“Hmm,” she hummed, “okay I think I see what you’re talking about.”</p><p>Or at least she thought she did, but for all Rey knew, that could have been psychosomatic. Ben still beamed nonetheless and kissed her gently, tasting of shiraz himself, “See, you’re a natural.”</p><p>She could get into wine if this is what it involves.</p><p>“Okay, and what the hell is the full body gotta do with it? Does it mean it’s jacked beyond all belief? Is it the Ben Solo of wine?” Rey asked, her senses dulling a bit as she tried drinking it with those aromas in mind.</p><p>Both Finn and Ben burst out laughing, and Ben leaned into her shoulder while Finn smacked the bar, “<em>Fuck </em>Rey, that was a good one,” Finn concluded, cracking up a bit still, “though honestly, you’re not wrong. Full bodied means it has more alcohol, more sugar, and more boldness of flavor.”</p><p>“Aww,” Ben cooed, clearly turning red like the shiraz, “thanks man.”</p><p>“<em>Course</em>,” Finn insisted, “you’re the fullest bodied of them all!”</p><p>She laughed at them, trying not to snort everywhere as they continued to compliment each other.</p><p>Rey was truly being challenged keeping her hands off of Ben the more she drank. She wrapped her arms around him, gazing up into his eyes, “Hello Benani, the fullest bodied glass of wine.”</p><p>Ben slapped a hand on his mouth and chuckles spilled out of him, “Hello,” he smiled as he held her face and kissed her, “my zesty petite sirah.”</p><p>Rey grinned again, hugging his side while she finished her wine.</p><p>Suddenly, there was a presence behind them, and Rey heard another slam. Then Ben yelped, rubbing at his backside.</p><p>“Ow!” Ben exclaimed, “That one <em>hurt </em>man.”</p><p>And Rey was entirely unsurprised when Poe and Rose came into view laughing, “Come on, it was just a little love tap Solo.”</p><p>“Don’t worry, he likes it,” Rey laughed.</p><p>Poe growled, and Ben shook his head, “No, I like when <em>you </em>do it, there’s a huge difference,” he said to her and then pointed to Poe with his glass still in his hand, “I’m going to get you back for that one.”</p><p>When they were leaving, Ben laughed with her about the word doily when he stopped abruptly, which halted Rey as well.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” She asked.</p><p>Ben had both of his hands on his chest, and he gazed at her with a serious expression, “Rey…”</p><p>She approached him and placed his hands over his, “What?”</p><p>Even the rest of the group stopped to see what they were doing, of which Rey had no answer because she was just as confused.</p><p>He closed his eyes and sighed, “I think—I <em>think</em>…my hands might be…too dainty?”</p><p>Rey smiled for a brief moment before she ducked her head.</p><p>“What the fuck are you talking about Solo?” Poe asked, voice full of befuddlement.</p><p>Her fingers clasped around Ben’s visibly <em>not </em>dainty hands, but she played along all the same, “And <em>when </em>were you going to tell me?”</p><p>It was apparent that Ben was trying not to smile himself as he wouldn’t meet her eyes, “I think a part of you has always known.”</p><p>Rey backed away from him, almost bursting with laughter, but held it together, “Well then, you know what this means.”</p><p>She heard Finn, Rose, and Poe all exasperate at them and begin to walk away, but she paid them no mind.</p><p>“<em>No</em>,” Ben feign begged, “please, <em>anything </em>but that Rey!”</p><p>Now she really couldn’t contain her giggle as she pretended to pull at an imaginary chainsaw, along with the noises that went along with this ridiculous charade. Then, she was chasing Ben down the street with her fictional heavy machinery, passing by their friends, who she was sure had just given up on understanding what she and Ben were doing at all. After a few more paces, she caught up with him, slamming herself into his back, and chopped at his wrists with her hands, her face firmly in his shoulder blades.</p><p>“Oh no.” Ben breathed.</p><p>“You had it coming as soon as you thought it was acceptable to come at me with those tiny extremities.” Rey’s muffled voice confirmed.</p><p>“But Reymond, how will I be able to give you chicken fingers now?”</p><p>She giggled into his shirt, nose taking in his scent, “I’ll keep your delicate little hands in my inventory for you whenever you need to. How does that sound?”</p><p>“Wow, you’re so gracious,” Ben claimed as his actual hands reached for hers and arranged them around his middle under his, “I am so lucky.”</p><p>Rey nodded against him, “Mhmm.”</p><p>“You guys are so fucking weird,” Rose said next to them, clearly having caught up with her and Ben’s admittedly odd behavior.</p><p>Ben laughed and turned around in her grasp, bending down to kiss her immediately. Rey returned it until he pulled away. She had no doubt that her grin was just about as stupid and big as his. When they had detangled themselves from each other, Rey informed all of them that she would have to meet them inside because she had to pee. Ben asked her if she wanted him to go with her to the public restrooms, and she shook her head, “Don’t worry about it! I’ve got this!” She claimed, sliding up to kiss him one more time before she left, reassuring Rose that she still had her map and knew where she was going.</p><p>“But what if I need my hands?!” Ben shouted after her.</p><p>Rey barely tilted her head at him, “You’re resourceful; I’m sure you’ll figure something out! Maybe there’s some health juice lying around!”</p><p>His laughter warmed her belly as she kept walking towards her destination.</p><p>Frankly, she was surprised it took her this long to break the seal, which was unfortunate because now Rey felt like she would have to pee every ten seconds. She sat down and felt the relief wash over her as she heard a couple of girls leave their stalls and began talking at the sink, an apparent drunken tinge to their tongue.</p><p>“Oh my <em>gooood</em>, there are like barely any hot guys here. It’s like super disappointing.” The first voice said.</p><p>The second voice piped up, “Oh I know! I was so ready to get my flirt on but the selection is pa-the-tic.”</p><p>“Mhmm, except for that one guy we saw at the last winery.”</p><p>“Ohhhh my god yeah that guy was so hot! I hope we see him again.”</p><p>Rey just kept to her business and leaned on her hand.</p><p>“Oh, and then there was that <em>other</em> guy we saw before.”</p><p>There was a pause before the other girl responded, “Oh yeah! The guy with the beautiful black hair who’s built like a fridge? I’d totes scale that.”</p><p>Rey sat up suddenly and her eyes widened.</p><p>“Girl, right? He’s impossible to miss.”</p><p>Honestly, who <em>else </em>could they be talking about?</p><p>“Pretty sure he’s got a girlfriend though. Whenever I saw him, there was a girl he got close with at each place.”</p><p>“Hm, too bad.”</p><p>And what caused Rey a shock to her entire body wasn’t the fact that they were <em>clearly </em>talking about Ben and appreciating his attractiveness because, well, they had <em>eyes</em>. No, it was the fact that they had used that word. Girlfriend.</p><p>And she didn’t know if it had to do with the wine she had been drinking all day or all of the emotions she had been feeling too, but suddenly the term hit her like a semi-truck.</p><p><em>Girlfriend</em>? Was she someone’s…<em>girlfriend</em>?</p><p>After what she and Ben had been through, when they had finally come together, for some reason the label had never penetrated her dumb skull. She finished up and exited quickly, beelining to the sinks with the two girls still there, reapplying lipstick. Rey wedged herself in between them and washed her hands. They both stared at her, and she stared right back in the mirror.</p><p>“That guy you’re talking about—”</p><p>“Oh my god, girl, we weren’t trying to like trying to crowd in on your territory or anything.” Said the girl who claimed he had a <em>girlfriend</em> as they both turned to face Rey. She was a short, Caucasian girl with bright red hair that had clearly been dyed.</p><p>“Yeah no, if that’s your man, I swear we wouldn’t try anything.” Claimed the other girl, who was Middle Eastern and a little taller with very curly black hair that was absolutely everywhere.</p><p>Rey shook her head, paying what they were saying no mind, “No, it’s not that. It’s just that…I don’t—I don’t <em>know</em> if he’s my boyfriend.”</p><p>They both looked at her with dubious expressions, and the redhead spoke up, “Like, you haven’t talked about it?”</p><p>Rey shook her head again, “No! It’s never even come up.”</p><p>“Well, how long have you guys been going out?” The girl with black hair asked.</p><p>She inhaled and exhaled nervously, “Um, I don’t know? We kind of had this whole close friendship where we didn’t think the other felt the same and then finally had sex, so we already knew each other really well.”</p><p>“Ohhh, one of <em>those</em>.” The girl with black hair concluded.</p><p>The other girl nodded and agreed, “Mhmm, classic. Does he…<em>feel </em>like your boyfriend?”</p><p>Rey bit at a hangnail and looked down at the ground, “Um…I guess? I don’t know! I’m so bad with this stuff because I haven’t had one in so long!”</p><p>A couple of older women came in and walked around them to use the stalls.</p><p>“Does he do boyfriendy stuff?” The black haired girl asked.</p><p>Rey looked back up at them and threw one of her arms out, “He already did so much for me before, so I don’t know! But…he’s gotten me tampons and cooks for me all of the time and makes me tea and we always have so much fun together and we <em>came here </em>together with some friends…”</p><p>“Girl,” the redhead said with a laugh, “he buys you tampons? He’s your boyfriend.”</p><p>Her friend nodded in agreement, “Cooks for you and makes you tea? Yup, definitely your boyfriend.”</p><p>“I mean, I assumed he was your boyfriend.”</p><p>Rey held her hands over her mouth and closed her eyes as the realization hit her, “Oh my god I am so <em>stupid</em>.”</p><p>One of the older women came out and washed her hands as the three younger women moved out of her way. She dried her hand with a paper towel and looked to Rey, “He’s most definitely your boyfriend, young lady,” she stated before she left the bathroom.</p><p>“O-oh,” she let out a shaky breath and felt like she was bracing herself for battle, “so what should I do?”</p><p>The girl with black hair laughed, “Isn’t it obvious? Go tell him!”</p><p>Rey nodded, trying to act like all of this wasn’t like having a bunch of cold water being thrown on her, “Alright—okay!” She exclaimed, suddenly feeling flush all over, “T-thanks guys.”</p><p>The redhead nodded, “Of <em>course</em>! Now, go get him!”</p><p>She thanked them one more time and bolted out the door, pulling her map out of her purse to make sure she knew where she was going.</p><p>With a force unbeknownst to her, she felt nervous as she walked. How could she have missed this? The whole idea seemed a bit silly and immature, but she couldn’t help but feel flummoxed. She thought of Will, and she thought of the most recent guy she had messed around with for a while that she had never really bothered making a commitment with. Then she thought of Ben. He seemed…<em>so</em> different from them. And it was true; he did all of the typical boyfriend things…and she started speculating on why she must have never thought of it before.</p><p><em>Boyfriend </em>didn’t even seem like the proper term. It just felt like having a Ben.</p><p>Because honestly, having a boyfriend never felt like this for her. And all she has ever cared about was spending time with him. Getting to know him, cooking with him, taking R2 for walks, playing video games, boxing with him at the gym, scouring LA for the best taco places, and having just about the best sex this world has ever seen. And they had definitely done plenty of all that.</p><p>But everything they had been through together. Everything they had shared. She glanced at her bracelet, thinking of the night before. Yeah, you probably did that sort of thing with a boyfriend…or a Ben.</p><p>It’s not like she knew went into a functioning relationship anyway.</p><p>Rey breathed in a couple of times, trying to psych herself up as she approached the winery they were all in. She was going to march in there, she was going to ask Ben if he was her boyfriend, and she was not going to wuss out—</p><p>Her eyes scanned for him in the admittedly crowded establishment, just looking for height alone. For some reason she still couldn’t see him. That was odd. When could you <em>not </em>see Ben?</p><p>This seemed like the first time as she pushed herself through, figuring he would be at the bar or something with Finn. Rey started to panic, thinking that perhaps they had moved on without her when her eyes finally spotted him. He was sitting on a stool—no wonder she couldn’t find him—talking to a random guy. Finn was on his other side with Poe and Rose. Rey took in one last breath and rushed up to him.</p><p>His eyes found hers soon enough, and he smiled, looking like he was going to say something, but she stopped that thought right quick when she stomped up to him.</p><p>“Are you my boyfriend?!” She asked him harshly.</p><p>He seemed genuinely taken aback for a moment before quirking an eyebrow, “Of course I am Rey. What else would I be?”</p><p>She stood there and closed her mouth before opening it again, “Well, I didn’t know that!”</p><p>He scratched his head and shrugged, “I’m sorry, I guess I thought it was assumed? I mean, I tell everyone that you are my girlfriend.”</p><p>Rey put her hands on her hips, “Like <em>who</em>?”</p><p>Ben raised one of his hands, counting off fingers, “Um, well, my family, everyone at work, pretty much anyone I talk to, this guy,” he said, pointing to the guy he was just conversing with who looked like he was trying to ignore the conversation until now.</p><p>He looked over, “Steve!”</p><p>Ben pointed back at him with his thumb, “Right, I told Steve…and this bartender,” he said, pointing to the lady behind the bar, and she nodded in affirmation as she was opening another bottle of white wine.</p><p>Rey huffed, “Well why are you telling everyone but <em>me</em>?”</p><p>Ben frowned while he stood up, approaching and kissing her, “I’m sorry. We should have talked about this at some point, but you just seem…like…I don’t know, more than that, like…” he trailed off and sighed, “I don’t really know how to explain it.”</p><p>“A Rey?”</p><p>Ben smiled and held her face, “Yeah.”</p><p>They kissed again when she heard Finn’s voice next to them, “What’s this now?”</p><p>Ben looked over at them, “Oh, Rey didn’t realize she was my girlfriend.”</p><p>The term made her heart flutter, and she felt stupid.</p><p>All three of their friends laughed. Rey grimaced.</p><p>“I mean, he calls you sweetheart.”</p><p>“You call him Benani.”</p><p>“He cooks you whatever you want all the time.”</p><p>“You guys can literally never get your hands off each other.”</p><p>“Okay!” Rey interrupted before anyone else could put in their two cents, “I get it, Jesus!”</p><p>Their friends still laughed at them and went back to their conversation while Ben’s eyes stayed on her. His fingers grazed her cheek with the backs of his fingers with a gaze full of emotion. Rey smiled slightly at him and pulled his head down to kiss him.</p><p>Afterward, he beamed down at her and guided them over to where he was previously, settling her in between his legs as he sat with them out to the side, elbow on the bar, “You’ve got some catching up to do missy.”</p><p>Rey chuckled, leaning on Ben’s leg, “I suppose I do.”</p><p>The bartender from before came over and smiled once Ben flagged her down, “Oh, my goodness, what a beautiful girlfriend you have there!”</p><p>Rey blushed.</p><p>“I know right?” Ben affirmed, and Rey really was going to need a minute to adjust to that status.</p><p>The bartender smiled all the same, “What can I get for you honey?”</p><p>She shook her head and looked at the menu, and the words took a second to come into focus, “Um…I would like…” she could do this; she had <em>learned</em>, “a full bodied white wine.”</p><p>Smirking, the bartender pointed to a couple of choices, “Then you would probably be looking for our chardonnay or savatiano.”</p><p>“Okay,” Rey said hesitantly as she contemplated. Ben started to rub her back under her shirt, “I think the savatiano looks good.”</p><p>“Great choice! That one has a nice kick to it.” She said, grabbing a bottle and pouring it into Rey’s glass. Rey picked it up, swirled it around, and sniffed at it.</p><p>“Mhmm.”</p><p>Ben smiled, “You’re so cute.”</p><p>“Shut up Benjamin I am trying to concentrate.” She said, still not really knowing what she was doing, but she could pretend.</p><p>“Still cute.”</p><p>Rey looked over at him, and she was certain drunk <em>dork </em>Ben was here. She was quite fond of him too.</p><p>Her glass to her lips, she feigned looking pensive and held her chin after she was done sipping it, “Hmm, tannins.”</p><p>Ben laughed, “Do you know what tannins are?”</p><p>She lifted her glass again, “No.”</p><p>“I could—” She put a finger to his mouth, and he kissed it.</p><p>“Just let me enjoy it Benji.”</p><p>He chuckled, “Fair enough.”</p><p>Rey finished her wine and looked to her <em>boyfriend</em>, definitely feeling the results of all of it. Ben’s eyes were on the bar while he still leaned on his hand as the other was still grazing her lower back. She waited for him to flick his gaze up, and he tilted his head at her, “I am sorry about all that.”</p><p>She touched at his thigh, “It’s okay. I just—I’m a little too dysfunctional to realize these things, I guess.”</p><p>Ben nodded, “I know the feeling.”</p><p>“Ben, that’s not what I mea—”</p><p>He grabbed her hand, “I just never thought I would have a girlfriend as wonderful as you.”</p><p>Sighing, she turned fully to face him and put her hands on his shoulders, a devious smile on her lips, “And are you <em>sure</em> this is what you want?”</p><p>He drew back from her, his face twisted in befuddlement, “What? Are you kidding? How could I not be sure—”</p><p>“Because, really,” Rey interrupted him, “all I am is just a small town girl, living in a lonely world.”</p><p>The confusion on his face morphed into utter befuddlement, “Rey, are you ser—”</p><p>“And well, I took the midnight train going annyyywhereeee…”</p><p>Poe must have heard what she was singing behind her and joined in on the following lines, and Rey turned to him as they sang them together, “Just a city boy! Born and raised in South Detr<em>oooit</em>! He took the midnight train going anyyy<em>whereeee</em>…”</p><p>Once she and Poe started, Finn, Rose, and several other people in the vicinity joined in. Soon enough, everyone seemed like just the right amount of intoxicated in the winery to keep Journey’s smash hit going throughout the whole facility.</p><p>Rey glanced back to Ben, whose eyes held amusement, and they briefly cast down before they were up in hers again like a beacon. A slow, lovely smile formed on his mouth, and he reached for her and kissed her while everyone else around them continued on about strangers waiting up and down the boulevard. It was an unhurried pressing of lips and slightly open mouths, like he was trying to savor the taste of wine and capriciousness on her breath, and she kissed him too, with his hands on her back and hers on his face. When it broke, she felt his grin still, a wondrous sight, and she grazed it with her fingertips.</p><p>“You’re stuck with me now.” Rey whispered.</p><p>He nodded with a countenance that seemed so resolute before he kissed her again, “I know.”</p><p> </p><p>They were all crowding out of the winery, spirits completely high after she and Ben helped everyone finish the end of the song. Rey was laughing and holding onto Rose when they were leaving, kissing her cheek. Rose giggled and held onto Rey too before she got out her map to check where they were.</p><p>“Oh my goodness you guys, we only have one winery left!” Rose shouted with excitement, and then she pulled out her phone. Her eyes enlarged in shock, “Oh my god we only have ten minutes to get there, and it’s so far away!”</p><p>Finn, very drunk and adorable at this point, was entirely on board, grabbing Rose’s hand and yanking her down the street, “Come on baby let’s go!”</p><p>Poe was slowly venturing out of the winery with that blonde girl from earlier, and Ben and Rey looked at each other and smiled. He stood in front of her and offered exactly what Rey was fantasizing in her head as she hopped on his back.</p><p>He started walking briskly as the sun was beginning to set. Rey breathed in and out, knowing she was feeling pretty wasted at this point. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her nose into his hair, “Good old magic carpet.”</p><p>Ben laughed, and Rey looked over at their surroundings, enraptured with the many bakeries that lined the streets, and he was trying his hardest to keep up with Rose and Finn’s brisk pace, hoping not to repeat the past.</p><p>“Hey! Don’t leave us behind again!” Rey shouted after them.</p><p>Rose looked back, “Well hurry up then!”</p><p>They all rushed inside, seemingly with seconds to spare, and Rose was already against the bar pleading with the bartender to allow them to skid by because this was their last winery, and they ran all the way here.</p><p>He started laughing and held up his hands, “You made it; it’s okay!”</p><p>Rose let out a sigh of relief, “Oh, thank goodness! I would have been so upset if we missed <em>one</em> ya know?”</p><p>“Your last one? Goodness, well you made it just in time!” The bartender exclaimed, passing out their selection.</p><p>“Yes!” Rose shouted, taking one of the menus, scanned it for a few seconds, and turned to Finn, “Babe, which one is the best one here? I want to know what Finjamin would decide.”</p><p>Finn blinked a couple of times and then gave her a crooked smile, “Oh so <em>now </em>you want to know?”</p><p>“Awww,” Rose cooed, leaning over to him and kissing his cheek, “you know I love your wine nerd stuff.”</p><p>Finn stood up a little straighter and brushed at his shoulders, “I believe it’s pronounced somme<em>lier</em>.”</p><p>Rose shrugged, “Whatever you say, my Finny Winnyfins.”</p><p>“Oo! They have a counoise!” Ben exclaimed, noise deep in the menu, seeming not to have paid attention to anything else going on around him.</p><p>Finn’s eyes lit up, “Really?!” He asked, grabbing the selection as well, “How exciting!”</p><p>Rose shrugged with a smile, eyes on the menu again, “Oh! I wanna be Rose sipping on some rosééééé!”</p><p>Snorting, Rey shook her head and thought wine, no matter the pretense, just made Journey spouting fools of them all anyway.</p><p>By the time they were walking out, Rey realized that they had really lost track of Poe. She figured he was probably with that blonde girl.</p><p>Her head was swimming a bit as she turned to Ben, about to ask him if he knew of Poe’s whereabouts when she just felt the overwhelming urge to tackle him when she saw his dumb face. She ran up and jumped in his arms, and he caught her with a slow grin.</p><p>It appeared like he was going to kiss her, but Rey raised her hands to his cheeks and squeezed them together before he could, “You—are so—<em>handsome</em>!”</p><p>He was still able to smile even though Rey had him in a vice grip, “Yes, I sure I am just like this.”</p><p>She kissed him and let go of his face, “<em>Especially</em> like that.”</p><p>His eyebrows waggled as he leaned in for another kiss, “Whatever floats your boat, Kenobi.”</p><p>They continued to kiss as she was still suspended in the air when she heard Rose’s voice next to them, “I think they’re just trying to reenact <em>Alien </em>at this point, Finny.”</p><p>“It’s because they didn’t get suck face for <em>so long </em>Rosie,” Finn explained, “now they can’t ever stop sucking face because now they get to suck each other’s faces, you know what I mean?”</p><p>Rey ignored them this time and smiled, deciding she would suck Ben’s face for as long as she pleased because, well, Finn had a point. Maybe they were just a couple of face huggers. Oh well.</p><p>“Hey, where’s Poe?” Finn asked, taking Rey out of her reverie of sucking Ben’s face.</p><p>“I noticed he was gone…he’s probably with that blonde girl.”</p><p>Ben put her down and pulled out his phone, and he struggled to concentrate on what was on the screen for a few moments, “He said in the group text that he was at karaoke? There’s a karaoke out here?”</p><p>“Oh! Yes! It was at one of the places we went to earlier…remember that place with the really good caberne—cabernet franc?” Finn explained.</p><p>“Oh yeah!” Ben exclaimed, “We said we wanted to go there later and sing Bruce Springsteen.”</p><p>“Well, what are we waiting for?!” Rose shouted, somehow always managing the keenest sense of direction, intoxication or no.</p><p>Ben and Rey followed hand in hand, and Rey felt like this trip, although very enjoyable, involved entirely too much walking. She looked up into the sky, however, and smiled, feeling just content. The sun had just set, and all of the shops were starting to light up with the evening’s festivities with the promise of frivolity and sanctioned inebriation. They were walking through some sort of small park in the middle of town, and she found herself beaming up at Ben again. This Rey, she felt like this was someone she had never known, but she realized that she had been turning into this person from the moment she met Ben, slamming the door in his face, only to open it back up to him.</p><p>He looked down at her and smiled slowly, “What?”</p><p>She shook her head, “Nothing.”</p><p>Ben removed his hand from hers and wrapped his arm around her shoulder to pull her in closer to him, and she responded with both of hers slinging around his midsection that she couldn’t quite reach around. He kissed the top of her head. She grinned into his side.</p><p>When they found where Poe was located, he rushed to them after making it through the small crowd at the front.</p><p>“There you guys are! We have been waiting <em>forever</em>.” Poe exclaimed, pulling at Ben’s arm as he led them to the table he was sitting at. The blonde girl was there, and Poe introduced her as Sarah. She smiled and waved at everyone as the group sat down. Ben took everyone’s order and went to get a round at the bar.</p><p>“Sarah’s a second-grade teacher, isn’t that cool?” Poe asked, putting an arm around her.</p><p>Sarah laughed, “It’s not that cool Poe.”</p><p>Rey smiled at her, “I think that’s pretty cool.”</p><p>Sarah shrugged, “It pays the bills, and I may actually like those little turds sometimes.”</p><p>Rose laughed, “Oh I have so much respect for that. I feel like I would never have the patience for children.”</p><p>Sarah was holding a glass that looked like rosé, Rey’s kind of girl, and took a drink, “It does take some getting used to.”</p><p>“So, are you here with friends?” Rey asked her, feeling so engaged with this girl that she had just met. It was probably the alcohol, but who was to say?</p><p>“Yeah!” Sarah looked up and around, “They are around here somewheres.”</p><p>Ben had returned, roping in Poe to bring back the rest of the drinks, and then he was soon back next to Rey, and she leaned into him, feeling a little unstable. He put his arm around her, anchoring her to this world. They all exchanged a bit more friendly chatter for a while before Finn was shooting up, “Okay, are we going to do this or not Benjamin?”</p><p>Ben chugged the rest of this ridiculous looking drink that was bright blue with about twenty umbrellas in it. It <em>was </em>a tiki themed bar, after all. He stood up with Finn and pointed at him, “Yes!”</p><p>Before Ben left to walk to the small staging area, he bent down to kiss Rey, “Wish me luck.”</p><p>Rey shook her head, “You won’t need it.”</p><p>She slapped his ass as he turned, probably being inspired by Poe, though not nearly as hard, and he looked back at her and shook his head. That fine piece of work was getting quite the beating today, that was for sure.</p><p>He and Poe looked through the selection for a while until Ben pointed to something, and they started laughing. Rey was sure that Ben would never do this if he were sober, but it was so much fun to watch the uninhibited <em>dork </em>Ben take the stage as he picked up his microphone.</p><p>His eyes went straight to Rey when he started speaking, “I want to dedicate this song to my girlfriend, Reymond.”</p><p>She felt a flush, and there were a few awws in the crowd when he and Finn nodded at each other.</p><p>Then the music started playing.</p><p>And really, she <em>truly </em>should have expected this. Because what else? What other song could it <em>possibly</em> be?</p><p>She let out the most prolonged sigh as these two men she so deeply cared for but would probably both go punch if given the opportunity began to sing.</p><p>“We’re no strangers to l<em>oooove</em>!” They both belted out, and Finn even danced around, pointing right at Rose, which caused her to start giggling as the song went on, “You know the rules, and so do <em>III</em>!”</p><p>Honestly, Rey didn’t even want to look at her imbecilic dumbass boyfriend at the moment and was contemplating breaking up with him the moment he was done, but her gaze met his anyway, and her mouth betrayed her as she laughed at him. He was just as over the top as Finn, and she couldn’t help herself. Ben had always had the unique ability to disarm her pretty much immediately, even if she didn’t outright admit it to him every time.</p><p>The chorus came around, and Rose was singing along with it, and Rey felt caught up in it too as she sang along about how none of them were ever going to give each other up, let each other down, or run around and desert one another.</p><p>When the song had finished, Ben was grinning like a madman at her, and she mouthed ‘I hate you’ at him, but he just kept smiling anyway before they started searching for a new song.</p><p>Finn insisted that Rose come up and join them for this one, and she agreed almost immediately, stating that she wanted to sing a Beyoncé song.</p><p>Rey looked to Poe and shook her head.</p><p>“Hey, don’t look at me. You’re the one dating him.” He defended, raising both his hands.</p><p>She scoffed, “And you’re the one who’s been friends with him for like forever, so.”</p><p>Poe smiled, “Like I wanted that big dumb lug following me around my whole life.”</p><p>“You know you did,” Rey insisted, “don’t even deny it Dameron.”</p><p>Shaking his head, he held up his ostentatiously colored drink at her, “Got me there, sunshine.”</p><p>“Aww, that’s so cute! You guys have been friends for that long?” Sarah asked Poe, leaning into him.</p><p>He nodded, putting his arm around her, “Most unfortunately.”</p><p>“That’s like my friend Megan and I…she’s one of the ones I came here with. We’ve been friends since <em>we </em>were in second grade.”</p><p>Then her phone was lighting up on the table, “Oh my god, her ears were burning; hold on,” Sarah said, standing up to take the call, “I’ll be right back.”</p><p>Rose, Finn, and Ben were still looking through songs and appearing to be bickering when Rey focused on Poe again, “Sarah seems nice.”</p><p>He nodded, “Yeah, she does.”</p><p>Poe peered downwards, and Rey thought about how the seemingly nice school teacher wasn’t the person Poe had planned on spending the weekend with, “I am sorry about Zorii.”</p><p>There was an indiscernible look on his face for a moment before he was waving his arm around, “It’s okay…it’s very <em>us </em>of her to do that…I just thought—nah, nevermind.”</p><p>Rey scooted up in her chair, “No, what? You thought what?”</p><p>Poe shrugged and looked off into some unknown distance, “I thought maybe it would be different this time…and that sounds…stupid.”</p><p>Rey furrowed her eyebrows as she looked up when “Single Ladies” started, which she had to laugh a little bit at because none of them were single and two of them weren’t ladies, but she supposed that didn’t mean that you couldn’t still enjoy the Queen B’s infamous song. She stared back at Poe again, who also smiled, but it wasn’t the full one she was used to seeing on his face.</p><p>Getting up, she moved to sit next to him, “It’s not stupid.”</p><p>He wouldn’t meet her gaze now and ran his hand over his face, “We’ve been doing this dance for so long now Rey—I just don’t know anymore.”</p><p>She didn’t really know how to respond. It went without saying that she had never seen Poe like this before. His eyes went back to the trio that was stumbling their way through Beyoncé’s song about female empowerment because they were too busy laughing at Rose trying to show them the dance from the music video.</p><p>“If we even had an <em>ounce </em>of what you and Ben have—this would…it would be so much different.”</p><p>Rey stared at Ben, smiling again at his giant body trying and failing what Rose was accomplishing before it looked like he gave up and started up in hysterics as Finn just moved his left hand and head around vigorously along with the ‘Oh oh ohs.’ Ben soon joined him.</p><p>There was never a point in Rey’s life where she thought that she would be in a relationship that other people possibly look to as some sort of standard; it was baffling to her.</p><p>“I am sure she cares Poe.”</p><p>He nodded, “I know she does. We just…don’t know how to work right together.”</p><p>Rey felt Poe’s words hit her in all of the right and wrong ways as they oozed down her body, “Ben and I—we don’t know how to work all the time either.”</p><p>And that statement was true for them both together and apart.</p><p>Poe actually laughed, “I know that. My dear, I have seen that boy cower away from relationship after relationship with almost every person in his life…In fact, the only reason we’ve still been friends this whole time is that I didn’t <em>let </em>him pull away from me, and he tried a couple of times. It was touch and go there for a bit. I had to give him his space, and he eventually came back when he was ready. It’s a pattern he’s had ever since I’ve known him I’m afraid.”</p><p>She and Ben were too similar sometimes.</p><p>“That is, until he met you.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes flicked up to Poe, who was staring right back at her.</p><p>This information was discombobulating, so Rey breathed in and out while glancing down at her lap and then back up to the man in question, who all of a sudden looked remorseful.</p><p>“I really am sorry about all of that Tinder bullshit I pretty much forced him into. I just thought…if I had <em>known</em>—”</p><p>“It’s okay Poe,” Rey interrupted, “really it is. We were both being stupid and didn’t see what was actually there between us, too heavy in our own denial and insecurities. At least the whole thing helped us realize that.”</p><p>Poe sipped at his drink and leaned on the table, staring off into the direction of the karaoke activity that had almost finished the song, “Okay. Well, I am still sorry.”</p><p>Rey nodded, also watching them.</p><p>“I’ve missed this Ben. He was—” Poe paused, and his eyes cast down, taking in a deep breath before he continued, “he was gone a long time.”</p><p>It was like someone had smacked her right between her shoulder blades with the way she felt like the oxygen was being knocked out of her and like she was going to precedingly hit the floor, “O-oh.”</p><p>“You’ve just—helped him get back to who was always there, underneath all of that hurt and abandonment. I knew that from the moment I saw you two together.”</p><p>Rey remembered her and Poe’s tiny heart to heart at Finn’s birthday, and she still didn’t know how to react.</p><p>He continued, “He has been so hard on himself after those dark high school years…he blamed himself for so much of it, you know? And you can only tell someone that so many times that it’s not true, and he just kind of…had to figure that out for himself,” Poe said, and Rey felt like she still hadn’t gotten off the floor, “I am just—so glad he met you.” Poe admitted, and Rey finally met his eyes again, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. Rey tried her best not to picture that small, lonely boy because if she did, she would start getting too into her feelings about it, and now was definitely not the time for that.</p><p>“I am too.”</p><p>Poe smiled at her, and she smiled back. He nodded and scratched at his scalp with his free hand, “Wow, sorry, got a little serious there. I do that sometimes when I’ve been drinking, like truth bombs and emotions all over the place.”</p><p>Rey laughed and let go of his hand, leaning back in her chair, “It’s okay Poe. It happens. I am…honestly touched that you feel that way.”</p><p>They had a second to smile at each other again before Sarah was coming back in their direction, and Poe stood up to greet her, “Everything okay?”</p><p>She nodded, “Yeah, I guess our other friend had a little meltdown, and Megan just wanted to make sure I was alright. She is going to put our friend to bed and might join us in a little bit. She insisted that I stay.”</p><p>Poe’s eyebrows furrowed, “Are you sure? You can go if you need to.”</p><p>Sarah shook her head, “No, it’s okay, Megan was already at our hotel, and she said she would be here when she makes sure our friend is passed out.”</p><p>“Okay, well, we’ll take care of you here, won’t we Rey?” Poe asked, glancing over at her.</p><p>She smiled, “We certainly will.”</p><p>Ben was walking back over to them now, and Rey saw it before Poe realized that Ben was gearing up one of his baseball mitts to attack Poe’s unsuspecting rear. It looked and sounded like it was very hard and probably painful. Rey had to really concentrate on not thinking about Ben doing that to <em>her</em>.</p><p>Poe immediately jumped up and glared at Ben, “Ow, Solo! That fucking h—”</p><p>“Oh come on, it’s just a friendly game of slap ass, right?” Ben countered back, obviously set on getting his revenge on his best friend.</p><p>“Oh! You!” Poe exclaimed, moving to slap Ben back, to which he was successful before Ben scurried away back to Rey. She and Sarah were cracking up pretty hard.</p><p>Ben sat down next to her with such a force that Rey thought it practically knocked her over. He kissed her and smiled as he pulled away, “Did you see me up there? I dedicated a song to you.”</p><p>Rey rolled her eyes, “Yes, I have been meaning to talk to you about that…I think we should see other people.”</p><p>He fell back in his chair and grabbed one of Rey’s hands, “Say it isn’t <em>so </em>Rey!”</p><p>“We had a good run. What was that, one, maybe two hours?”</p><p>Ben sat up and looked at her, “Rey?”</p><p>She dipped her head at him, not expecting this sort of reaction, “Yeah?”</p><p>He leaned forward and took her other hand as well, kissing at one of them before he spoke, “Want to go steady with me?”</p><p>She laughed and shoved at one of his shoulders, “We just broke up.”</p><p>“Well that’s why I am asking if you’ll be my girlfriend again.”</p><p>Sighing, she slid her palms up his thighs, “You never even asked me to be your girlfriend in the first place.”</p><p>He frowned, “I’m sorry…can I ask you now?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Will you be my girlfriend Rey?”</p><p>She just huffed.</p><p>“I will beg.”</p><p>Now she turned her head away from him.</p><p>“<em>Plllllease</em>?”</p><p>Rey looked back at him again, “Will you keep Rickrolling me if I keep dating you?”</p><p>“Of course, that’s one of the many perks.”</p><p>She snorted and smacked his shoulder, “Only if there is more of an omelette to Astley ratio.”</p><p>“Well, duh.”</p><p>“And you can’t complain when I want to watch a <em>Grey’s Anatomy </em>marathon or if I am cooking something wrong.”</p><p>“Aww, I gotta complain. I love complaining.”</p><p>“I know you do, so I am sure you’ll find plenty of other things to complain about.”</p><p>“Like how you <em>still </em>won’t put on sunscreen every day?”</p><p>“See? I told you you would find something.”</p><p>Ben smiled, grabbing her hands again, “Please be my girlfriend.”</p><p>Rey sighed, but then she was smiling at him, and he returned it immediately, “Alright, <em>fine </em>Solo.”</p><p>His arms reached to pull her closer to him immediately and kiss her, and then proceeded to kiss her all over her face. </p><p>“Okay, okay!” She exclaimed.</p><p>He pulled away, smirking at her so endearingly that she had to capture his lips once more.</p><p>Then, suddenly, he was jerking away from her so quickly that she was actually concerned at his wide eyes, “Oh my <em>god</em>, I’ve never even taken you on a date.”</p><p>Rey guffawed and raised an eyebrow, “Wow, I’m such a slag, sleeping with a man that hasn’t even taken me on a date before.”</p><p>He looked pained, “No, I’m serious Rey.”</p><p>She leaned on her hand, laughing, “It’s fine Ben. I don’t care about that stuff.”</p><p>Touching her cheek gently, he sighed, “Well <em>I </em>do. I never got to pick you up and take you somewhere nice.”</p><p>“We still can,” Rey stated warmly, “we were always on our own timeline anyway.”</p><p>Giving her an adorable grin, Rey wondered how Ben Solo would be on a date as he kissed her slowly, “It’s a date then.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey knew it was probably about time to end the night’s festivities after they all had a few rounds with the karaoke machine. Ben and Finn sang “Born to be Wild,” and then Ben convinced her to sing at least one Bon Jovi song with him after she was sure she was intoxicated enough. He told her she was the best girlfriend in the world and gave her a blistering kiss once they finished “I’ll Be There For You.” </p><p>They all had crowded to the bar for last call, and Finn was brandishing his wallet in his hand, thanking the bartender after he had misplaced it, “Thank you. Oh, my god. Thank you so much—this is—I can’t—I can’t even believe—thank you. Thank you. This is an honest town. Somebody—somebody just turned it in?”</p><p>“No,” the bartender stated with a mutual tone, “you found it in your jacket.”</p><p>“Thank you!” Finn still exclaimed, almost falling over, “I’m about—I’m about ready to call it a night.”</p><p>Rose laughed as he put an arm around her to steady himself.</p><p>Their walk back to their hotel at first seemed uneventful with the typical giggles flooding their mouths as they followed Rose and Finn in tow. She was endeared to Ben all over again as he held her hand and stumbled over his words. It made her want to do sinful things to him.</p><p>Rey bit her lip and precariously elevated herself on her toes, attempting to whisper in his ear as they stood outside of their hotel. He stopped walking to accommodate her.</p><p>“I cannot wait to <em>destroy </em>you in a few minutes.” She threatened, or maybe it wasn’t really a threat. Perhaps it was a promise, a certainty, of what was to come.</p><p>Ben’s eyes grew wide, and then he was pulling her away quickly, yanking her along the sidewalk and up the stairs to their room.</p><p>They entered clumsily, unabashedly sloppy as he pushed her up against the door with enthusiasm like he hadn’t gotten to touch her in months as opposed to mere seconds. Her legs were around his waist like they were following some kind of sensual choreographed dance.</p><p>His arms held her steadily against him as he shuffled across the room, slinging her on the bed before he stared down at her with hunger, “You’ve been teasing me <em>all</em> day.”</p><p>Rey smiled, batting her eyes, “What are you talking about?”</p><p>Eyes scanned all over her body, “You know.”</p><p>She felt her vision blur for a moment and bit her lip, “Take your clothes off for me right now.”</p><p>Ben’s hands slowly trekked up his body, “You mean <em>these </em>clothes?”</p><p>She nodded as Ben shimmied out of his jacket slowly, which was then followed by his shirt, a fine sight for Rey’s eyes. Then fingers at his belt paused, and he was now smiling madly at her. If Rey hadn’t known the man standing above her so well, she would feel incredibly intimidated by his sheer size alone, “So why am I the only one taking off my clothes?”</p><p>Rey shrugged, “I asked first.”</p><p>Ben smiled, “Crafty little gremlin.”</p><p>Then he shucked her jacket off anyway, slowly inching it down her arms as she looked back up into his eyes, “But I think it’s only fair.”</p><p>His hands traveled down her sides and nabbed the bottom of her sweater, to which she obliged by holding up her arms as he lifted above her head, “There we go,” he insisted and bent down to kiss her.</p><p>What happened next in a sequence was entirely too fast as Ben backed her up against the bed, and suddenly she was hitting the headboard, breathing so hard despite that she had done next to no physical activity at all. His eyes were all over her as he kissed down her body, wedging his face in between her breasts. A little gasp came from her mouth when he bit her skin there.</p><p>His smile was lecherous as he rose, and so did she, reaching for the pants that he had abandoned taking off while his hands slid around her to unhook her bra.</p><p>Ben’s mouth latched onto her nipple immediately, which temporarily thwarted her mission of sliding his remaining clothing down his legs, and she moaned, “Wait, wait, we need to keep going Ben.”</p><p>He didn’t look up at her for several seconds, “Keep going with what?”</p><p>“Your clothes…you’re still wearing too many.”</p><p>His mouth was back on her chest, “Well so are you.”</p><p>She grunted as his talented tongue was all over her breasts, and then he was pushing her back again onto the bed, “Whatever happened to foreplay, sweetheart? What’s the rush?”</p><p>Rey huffed out, “I just want you now.”</p><p>“I want you every second of every day, darling, so what’s new?” Ben asked against her skin as he kept his mouth on her, all the way down until his teeth tugged on the button of her jeans.</p><p>“Ben,” she whispered, aware of how wet she was, understanding his sentiments entirely as his hands finished their task.</p><p>He was kissing her belly button when he had rid them both of their clothes, “How did I end up with the most beautiful girl in the world?”</p><p>“Shut <em>up</em>,” Rey countered.</p><p>His eyebrows furrowed, “<em>No</em>, you’re not allowed to argue with me on this.”</p><p>She laughed, grabbing hold of his face so she could devour his mouth again, “Yes I can.”</p><p>Ben rattled his head against her, “No, you can’t!”</p><p>“But Ben, I need—I need you to do something for me,” Rey said gaspingly.</p><p>“Mmm, what is it Rey? Anything.” He murmured into her collarbones.</p><p>She lifted his head so she could whisper into his ear, “I need you to plow me into next week.”</p><p>Ben shuddered, smiling against her, “If that is what the lady wants. I suppose I could—<em>fulfill</em> this request..”</p><p>Then he was above her, and Rey grinned deviously up at him.</p><p>She noticed that their breathing had gone more labored since this conversation had started, and she was ready for it to get even more heated, “What are you going to do to me?”</p><p>His hands moved to grab hers and placed them over her head, intertwining their fingers, as his hardness rubbed up against her, and he kissed her neck, “I want to drive into that pussy until you are clenching around me over and over.”</p><p>Ben’s plan aroused her, just like everything else he did, “Yeah?”</p><p>He nodded vigorously, “Yeah, I don’t even know if your cunt is ready for me…you might be too tight.”</p><p>“Are you going to stretch me out then?” Rey asked with more force than she had intended, but that was something Ben never seemed to mind.</p><p>“<em>Yes</em>,” he insisted, and his hair tickled her forehead as he exhaled over her face before he groaned, “I am going to fuck you until you’re filled to the brim with my cock.”</p><p>Rey knew that he was into her ferocity, and she smiled, “Yeah? You gonna <em>plow</em> me?”</p><p>“Oh, I am going to plow you into next <em>year</em>!” Ben shouted, “I am going to plow you so hard that you won’t even remember who hot neighbor boy is!”</p><p>Her breath was heady all around her, “I don’t even want to remember what <em>my </em>own name is.”</p><p>Ben’s teeth scraped at her neck followed by his tongue. She squirmed under him and was thrilled to have him so riled up. Then their mouths were on each other in a frantic dance as he aligned himself with her, “You want my cock <em>now</em>?!”</p><p>“Yes!”</p><p>“Hey!” A voice yelled from the other side of the wall, halting both of their actions, sounded, “<em>Some </em>of us don’t want to hear how you step by step plow Rey!”</p><p>It was Finn; Rey knew it, and at this point, she didn’t know if she should be embarrassed or not, but she could already see the grin that was about to break on Ben’s face.</p><p>“Yeah! Some of us have our <em>own </em>plowing to attend to without you morons regaling us with every detail!” Rose yelled too.</p><p>“Hey! I will plow Rey however I see fit!” He yelled back, now looking down at her, “Right?”</p><p>This actually made Rey laugh and smack the wall, “Yes, dummy, of course!” She smiled, then tilted her head backward, “Ben can plow me however he sees fit!”</p><p>Her eyes flitted back to Ben’s. His smile cast down as he perched himself over her, propping himself up with his arms. They stared at each other for several long moments. Rey really began to feel the weight of his still very stiff dick against her.</p><p>She bit deep into her bottom lip while his expression changed into a licentious revery, mouth parted with languid breaths as he trailed his cock over the outside of her cunt so gradually, back and forth, back and forth. Rey canted herself against him reflexively, and she moaned when he pushed up against her clit.</p><p>Honestly, she wanted to scream at him; she wanted to yell for him to just get on with it and fuck her, but the look in his eyes stopped this aggression. Rey had known for quite some time how expressive they were, and right now, they were sending her so many messages that she felt like she could write a thesis statement on them.</p><p>They were fire, burning with a passion for her with intensity. They were also inquest as if he were still somehow questioning the reality of the situation. And then they were earnest.</p><p>They were ready.</p><p>“What do you want me to do Rey?” He asked in a low voice that she felt all the way to her core.</p><p>Rey inhaled sharply and stared back at him with eyes that she hoped were just as ardent.</p><p>“<em>Everything</em>.”</p><p>One of his hands grazed over her face for a mere instant before he pushed into her obstinately, causing her to mewl openly at him. With her mouth open, Ben dipped his thumb into it as his eyes bore into her. When she sank her teeth into it, he groaned and his whole body shuddered before he commenced to thrust into her with a calculated unhurried pace.</p><p>“<em>Fuck </em>Rey,” he bellowed while her legs wrapped around his hips.</p><p>Rey was aware that sex was one of the most basic of human activity, and there were many people before them, and there would be many after that would engage in the same baser instincts, but for some reason, she still felt as though what she and Ben shared was more than that.</p><p>Sometimes, this notion would strike her as being ridiculous, her more sobering moments trying to convince her that their sordid proclivities were the same as numerous others, but in times like this, where Ben was so purposely dragging in and out of her while she arched her back, she didn’t care because it was pure ecstasy. Like the two of them were made for this. And for someone who always wanted to belong somewhere, this meant everything to her.</p><p>Ben’s movements were deep and slow as his breaths harmonized with hers. She met him where their bodies collided while her arms slid up to his neck.</p><p>“<em>Give</em> it to me Ben.” Rey hastened between breaths.</p><p>There were a couple of beats against her before Ben’s voice was dripping all over her, “I’ll give you everything if you take everything.”</p><p>“I will—I’ll take—everything.” She responded, keeping eye contact, which all of a sudden became very intense.</p><p>Ben grappled into her again, “You will!?”</p><p>Rey nodded vigorously, “Yes!”</p><p>“This isn’t a competition!” Finn yelled at them, and Rey had almost forgotten that their sexing wasn’t all that private as she stared up at the wall. She and Ben looked back at each other, and soon they were both giggling again.</p><p>Ben leaned down to her and whispered in her ear, “He should know better than to challenge you like that.”</p><p>Rey smiled and brought her mouth to his ear, “Then you had better keep plowing me into next year, Solo.”</p><p>Ben shook his head, his fingers nearing where she needed him the most at her clit, and she felt her body naturally careen up to him. He grinned, reaching to cup her ass instead as he thrust into her over and over. Here he was, ever the tease, so her response was to bite into his neck.</p><p>His severe response was a groan and holding her closer to his body. Rey maneuvered his head, enabling her to look at him again.</p><p>She witnessed Ben’s beautiful face as he would plunge into her, the way his hands slid to her hips, and he seemed so delicate in the moment, even though he was the one that was on top of her. Rey placed her hands on top of his as he held her in place. His eyes met hers, and he nodded.</p><p>Then he smiled and shook his head, “I really like having sex with you Rey.”</p><p>Rey snorted, even with his thrusts steady against her, “I like having sex with you.”</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Now she almost wanted to laugh but felt like that would send the wrong message, “Don’t be stupid,” she trilled as Ben’s forehead rested on hers, “you know this is—<em>this</em> is—”</p><p>“Yeah,” he rushed in between breaths, “I do.”</p><p>This confirmation made her feel even warmer and enlivened on the inside.</p><p>Like they were an obdurate force. Like they were inevitable.</p><p>Rey’s contemplations were put on hold because Ben suddenly paused, sitting upright. This obviously caused Rey to question the reason for this unwarranted change of pace. Because when it came to their sex life, the next course of action could always go in many different directions. </p><p>He pulled her into his lap, his dick sliding against her inside walls in a way that involuntarily curled her toes. Her knees were surrounding his legs now, which were so thick that she wasn’t even really touching the bed with them. His hands were at the small of her back as his breath was in her hair, “It’s still always nice to have the reassurance.”</p><p>Rey’s wine addled brain was controlling her loose tongue, but she didn’t care, “I like having sex with you like…way more than anyone else, like ever,” she admitted before she inhaled deeply, “I mean, I haven’t had sex with <em>everyone</em>, but I am still sure that would be true either way.”</p><p>One of Ben’s hands slid down to her ass while the other threaded through her stands, and he chuckled softly, “I would have to say the same thing.”</p><p>Rey smiled and gently grasped his face to kiss him, “Then we should probably make a verbal agreement to only kiss each other.”</p><p>He blinked at her, seemingly confused at her oddly worded declaration, but then a stupendous grin graced his features, and the hand that was in her hair moved to her cheek, “You mean it? For reals?”</p><p>It was like he was <em>trying </em>to turn her into an incoherent mess. She kissed him again, “Yes, but only because it was my idea.”</p><p>Then Ben’s arms moved to secure her in an embrace, and his face rasped into her neck as he breathed into it deeply, “Literally nothing would make me happier.”</p><p>Rey giggled, “I think we’ve been dating for like…I don’t know, forever,” she conjectured with her fingers carding through his locks now.</p><p>“Ah yes,” Ben started as he ran his mouth across her skin, “I knew it when I started depression binging on my couch. Had you <em>hooked</em>.”</p><p>She nodded, “Yes, definitely. <em>Nothing </em>gets a lady’s attention more than that.”</p><p>Ben’s chortle against her neck reverberated right into her, and she felt herself sighing as his hands gently grazed up her back. Rey rested her cheek on top of his head.</p><p>Considering the kind of intercourse they were <em>just </em>having, this sort of drastic shift in tone was a bit jarring, though it shouldn’t have been, really. He was literally still inside of her—in so many different ways, and now they were sitting there like a couple of saps that <em>weren’t</em> just engaging in a coital romp, yelling at each other about <em>plowing </em>and the like.</p><p>Well, at least they had range.</p><p>Placing her forehead on his, Rey breathed him in as both her palms brushed over his ears and fiddled with the tops of them, trekking down to the bottoms with her thumbs. How lovely his lingering convictions were when his smile met hers and his fingers burned her skin.</p><p>She now stared at him without shame as he gave her access to his eyes. Within those brown pools, she saw the promise that they had never really made this whole time, but always was implied. As baffling as it seemed, it felt a bit like she was seeing this man for the first time. </p><p>Rey felt so overcome that she slid her hands to his face and kissed him for several seconds, leaning into it with a renewed sense of affection as he clutched her shoulder blades, holding her even closer to him. Like she mattered. Like she was the most treasured thing.</p><p>When their mouths parted, her grin felt natural, nudging their noses together before whispering, “After all, Ben is massively depressed and he needs my help.”</p><p>His smile could have lit up her most torrid reveries, her most unyielding, frail dispositions where she was just a helpless girl again, afraid of her grandfather, afraid of the world, afraid of…herself.</p><p>Ben brushed his lips against hers, “I do.”</p><p>His hushed admittance made her want to hold onto him as tightly as she could and never let go. She didn’t even feel a rush of pessimism as he kissed her again, knuckles grazing her cheek while they both smiled into it. Their lips met again and again, their lurid passion being expressed through their tongues as he slowly pushed her back down onto the mattress and gradually started to thrust into her once again.</p><p>Her nails dug into his back while his hand held the juncture of her neck and jaw. They were still kissing, albeit a bit sloppily as her legs spread widely for him, and her hips moved with his. </p><p>Rey eventually noticed that the headboard was hitting the wall rather harshly as the bed creaked from their ravenous efforts. She was a bit surprised that Finn or Rose hadn’t made comments about their unabashed thrashing again, so perhaps they were caught up in their own propensities. It was probably for the best since Ben’s fingers traveled to her hair and tugged, causing her eyes to roll back and her pelvis to jut into his sporadically.</p><p>“F-fuck, Ben,” she prattled out unconsciously against his mouth, wanting to return the sentiment with her own hand raking into his wild raven locks and yanked roughly. He moaned, throwing his head back briefly before his mouth was back on hers with a harsh rejuvenation, and then he moved to kiss her cheek, her nose, all the way down to her neck.</p><p>“R—<em>mmrf</em>,” he grunted into her skin, enormous palm now grasping at her thigh, “my cock pours into your cunt, and it still fucking—rips me <em>asunder</em>,” he grappled into her as his breath sputtered while Rey’s other hand surged into his scalp too.</p><p>If it was at all possible, her motions met his even more rigidly, and she held his head into her neck with an unthinking vehemency. And she wanted to say words; she wanted to string a coherent sentence together since crashing into Ben in such a way enabled her to find her voice she never knew she wanted to have. But Rey found that she couldn’t because her thoughts were too muddled together with a mixture of intoxication and overwhelmed nerves that could just—<em>feel</em>…<em>everything</em>, forging a bond between her and Ben that was nearly palpable, thick in the air with sweat, skin, and intimacy.</p><p>She realized she was mouthing nothing while she felt Ben’s teeth on her collarbone, then back up to her ear before his cheek was against hers and all her cognitions just morphed into his breathing, in and out, over and over hitting her brain like an unknowable force.</p><p>The hand on her thigh moved to her ribcage, and his exhale hitched, “Rey I’m gonna come—I’m gonna come into you…,” she moaned as his thumb grazed her nipple, “your flawless pussy—your perfect body—your unfathom—” a harsh breath on her ear again, “you’re so unfathom-able—<em>unhh</em>—”</p><p>Hearing him so taken, so <em>there </em>with her, she finally was able to utter the words she wanted to, “Look at me Ben,” he did so, pulling away from her enough to be able to meet her eyes, “do you want to come?”</p><p>He nodded as she held his face in her hands, “<em>Yes</em>.”</p><p>“How hard?”</p><p>Ben looked as if he were about to burst at the seams from just answering her question. It turned her on more than she realized it would, “So hard, I want to come inside you <em>so</em> <em>hard</em>, <em>Rey</em>.”</p><p>“Keep looking at me while you give it to me as hard as you can.” She demanded with no hesitance.</p><p>He made some kind of noise between strangled and aroused, placing his arms on either side of her head, and started to slam into her without mercy. Rey watched him unravel as he shook with his orgasm, and his mouth erupted with a groan, all the while keeping his gaze on her as requested.</p><p>Rey harbored so much satisfaction from that experience that she didn’t even care that she hadn’t finished. Ben collapsed onto her chest and sucked in several breaths before they evened out.</p><p>She was prepared to lay there in the afterglow with him for however long, but then he quickly pulled out of her and rolled to his side. Rey looked at him, caught his expression, and was shocked to find that he almost appeared to be pouting. It was almost laughable, but she held it back.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Now Ben actually <em>was </em>pouting, and it was so confusing because that was just about the last thing she had expected from a man that had just climaxed into his girlfriend. His hand was on her ribcage again, and he frowned, “You didn’t finish.”</p><p>Rey snorted, “<em>That’s </em>what you’re upset about? I’m not going to come every time Ben.”</p><p>He nodded and gripped on to her slightly, “I know, but I didn’t even take care of you beforehand.”</p><p>It was so sweet and such a Ben thing to be upset about that she surged forward to kiss him, “It’s okay, really I’m fine.”</p><p>She sat back again and watched him shake his head this time, “No, <em>no</em>, it’s not <em>fine</em>. You are <em>not </em>going to go unsatisfied like that, my Rey.”</p><p>“Ben—<em>oh</em>—” Rey belted out as his thumb suddenly pressed into her clit and began to circle around it with such a delicious pressure that she had to concentrate on breathing for a moment, “well <em>fine</em>.”</p><p>His movements were almost lackadaisical, which was a welcomed pace considering the roughness her entire body had just experienced as he inserted a slow finger into her, pumping just as slowly while his own juices spilled out of her.</p><p>She met his eyes as her mouth opened, silently willing him to continue as he added in another finger. Ben’s mouth roamed to brush over one of her breasts, never taking his gaze off of her. His tongue lapped around her nipple, causing her to stagger into his palm.</p><p>It was clear her pleasure was giving him much enjoyment as he adjusted himself more steadily next to her, raising himself to her other breast, sucking on it harshly. Her fingers automatically shot to his hair, holding him there like a reflex.</p><p>He kept his mouth on her but spoke into her skin with a voice that was ladened with lust, “That’s right Rey, ride my hand, ride it and rub that cunt slick with my cum all over it.”</p><p>She did what she was told as he pressed up into her with another finger, and she had never been more thankful for his enormous hands.</p><p>Ben’s lips were still all over her chest, and he grumbled, “Such pretty little tits.”</p><p>Her head convulsed backward, and she felt her stomach muscles contract as her breathing shallowed; <em>oh</em>, she was so close as she keened and ground herself all over that blissful palm.</p><p>“Want me to touch your clit again sweetheart?”</p><p>She nodded, breaths spouting out of her.</p><p>“Remember to use your words baby.” His low voice practically purred, and she was utterly lost in her head before she had to come back down to earth and into Ben’s eyes as she spoke.</p><p>“Please Ben, touch me.”</p><p>He coursed onto her mouth and kissed her before he resplendently rode her nub with his thumb with vigorous strokes, and then he tore himself away from her enough to watch her unravel. One of her hands gripped onto the headboard again, anchoring her as she felt the orgasm drip into her, slowly, welcomingly, with Ben still pumping into her throughout it.</p><p>She shuttered when it was over, waiting a few seconds before she looked over at Ben, who was smiling at her as his head rested on her chest.</p><p>“Beautiful.” He claimed.</p><p>Rey laughed, head finding the pillow again, “Christ you’re ridiculous.”</p><p>“Are you complaining?”</p><p>She snorted, “Who would ever complain about an orgasm their boyfriend <em>insisted </em>on giving them?”</p><p>He hummed, vibrating her sternum, “It sounds like you’re complaining, which I know you love to do, but I’ll take it…” he trailed off before he yawned, “I like being called that.”</p><p>Rey breathed in and wasn’t even aware of when her fingers were running through the strands she enjoyed so much. She smiled with her eyes on the ceiling, “My boyfriend.”</p><p>“Mmhm,” he nodded, turning to his side while one of his hands came to rest next to his head on her chest. Rey grinned lazily when she looked down and spotted the bracelet around his wrist, knowing its twin was still on hers. She touched at it with her fingertips.</p><p>“My large, dumbass boyfriend.”</p><p>“Mmhm,” Ben breathed again as her eyes closed. He adjusted his head slightly and mumbled something to the extent of, “…still…everything.”</p><p>Sated and content, she waited until she heard Ben’s breathing deepen against her before she allowed herself to do the same.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I <em>finally </em>thought you guys had settled down with all that <em>plowing </em>talk before I heard the headboard slam into the wall so hard that I thought you guys were trying to break into our room,” Finn complained at breakfast the next day.</p><p>Rey’s eyes narrowed at him over her menu, “We had a show to finish. People were counting on us to meet with a satisfactory ending!”</p><p>Poe almost snorted out his orange juice as he pressed his sunglasses back onto his face, “Jesus fuck, I think the whole hotel heard you guys!”</p><p>They were seated outdoors at one of the many little eateries in the area. Rey rolled her eyes and shoved the menu in her face while she grunted. She felt Ben’s arm around her as he leaned over to whisper not so quietly in her ear, “It’s okay, hun, we won the sex competition anyway.”</p><p>It was Rose that laughed now, holding her mouth, and Finn nudged her, “I told you guys it wasn’t a competition!”</p><p>Rey and Ben exchanged a look, and they both burst into giggles for a few seconds, and she <em>knew </em>he was thinking the same thing—they <em>had </em>won, but they wouldn’t sit there and gloat about it. His hand slid to her thigh, and he squeezed it, which was all the validation she needed.</p><p>Finn crossed his arms and sat back, “Well, it’s a good thing that you <em>didn’t </em>break the wall down with your humping.”</p><p>Everyone fell silent, staring at him.</p><p>“You want to know why?”</p><p>Rose held back a smile.</p><p>“Because you would have seen more humping.”</p><p>She shoved her face into Finn’s shoulder.</p><p>“From Rose and I.”</p><p>“Babe!” Rose shouted, unable to hold back her giggles.</p><p>“Because Rose and I were also humping.”</p><p>“You don’t <em>say</em>,” Ben posed sarcastically, leaning onto the table, “and see here I would have thought you guys were playing a nice, innocent round of double solitaire or something.”</p><p>Finn looked like he was contemplating Ben’s words and nodded, “We could have been,” he said as he lifted his menu and put his arm around Rose, “if solitaire were code for humping.”</p><p>Rose smacked him lightly while Poe threw his head back and laughed as well, “Doesn’t <em>anyone </em>care if <em>I</em> was humping?”</p><p>Ben shook his head with a smile, “I just always assume you are humping something Dameron.”</p><p>Poe opened his mouth and closed it, shrugging while he took another swig of his orange juice.</p><p>“I’ve heard the word humping so much in the last two minutes that I feel like I am watching a National Geographic documentary or something.” Rey snidely stated.</p><p>Just then, the waitress decided to come up to their table, and Rey <em>almost </em>felt embarrassed. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to care about her overhearing all the humping talk because…that would mean that she would have to feel shame about their entire hotel hearing her and Ben’s, and honestly, she never would.</p><p>Poe ordered first when the waitress asked, and he smiled at her, of course glomming on the charm with a smile, but he stumbled over his order, “Yes, I will have the…what is it now? Ab-el-skiver?”</p><p>Before the waitress could interject, Finn shook his head, “Are you talking about the æbleskiver? Oh, you poor unrefined <em>hack</em>, it’s pronounced <em>a</em>-ble-sk<em>ee</em>ver.”</p><p>Rose let out a bark of laughter, “It’s levi<em>oo</em>sa, not levios<em>aa</em>.”</p><p>“What is even an ebleskiver?” Rey asked curiously.</p><p>“Æbleskiver.” Finn corrected.</p><p>“Whatever.” Rey shot back.</p><p>The waitress luckily smiled at their antics instead of looking annoyed, “It’s pretty much a pancake in ball form covered in powdered sugar and jam.”</p><p>Rey’s eyes lit up at the thought of pretty much having dessert for breakfast, “Oh! I will have <em>that</em>! And the Denver omelette.”</p><p>“Already cheating on me,” Ben interjected. Rey shot a glare at him.</p><p>“I’ve got to see what else is out there Benjamin! Keeping my options open.”</p><p>“I’m hurt. I truly am.” He said, holding a hand to his chest.</p><p>“Would everyone else order so this poor waitress can do her job?” Poe interjected, clearly tired of everyone’s shit.</p><p>Rey eyed Finn once the waitress walked away, “You just looked that up, didn’t you?”</p><p>Finn just shrugged, and the entire table derided him with boos.</p><p>Once their orders arrived, Rey, of course, was shoving the food down her throat like a trash compactor, and Ben laughed at her, asking her if she was even enjoying her food that way, and she told him to hush. She had to smile at him, however, when he leaned over and licked the bit of powdered sugar that was apparently residing on the side of her mouth. Finn called them disgusting, but then Rose licked him in the same manner, causing him to smirk at her with a wagging of his eyebrows. Poe called them <em>all </em>disgusting before a slow smile formed on his features while he chewed with his mouth full, changing the subject to how he actually <em>did </em>hook up with Sarah and got her number. Rey snorted at him and kept up her eating until she had successfully inhaled everything.</p><p>They all said goodbye to Poe, Finn and Rose hugging him, stating how nice the weekend was. Poe threw his arms around Ben obnoxiously and then slapped his ass again when they were done, and Ben glared sternly at him before Poe went to Rey, embracing her and whispering in her ear that he was so happy that she was with his best friend.</p><p>On the way home, Rey fell asleep with her head against the window and Ben’s hand on her leg, his thumb stroking it lazily as it lulled her to a wistful sleep.</p><p>When she was stirred awake, she hadn’t realized how long she was out before she realized they had arrived at Finn and Rose’s apartment. Rey got out to say goodbye to her best friends, squeezing them extra tight, telling them how much fun she had with them and how they <em>had </em>to do this every year. Ben got out and said goodbye too.</p><p>Then Ben was dropping her off at home, putting on his hazards in the street so he could kiss her, insisting that he would take her luggage up after he got R2 back from his parents. She glowered starkly, and he kissed her jutted out lip as he snaked his arms around her to lift her up.</p><p>“Don’t be so pouty. It’s just something <em>nice </em>I want to do for you.” He insisted.</p><p>She still was anyway, “But Be<em>naniii</em>…<em>I </em>can do it.”</p><p>He nuzzled her face with his and smiled, “I know you can, my spunky little æbleskiver, but let’s just call it a…another <em>perk</em> when you date me.”</p><p>Her eyes narrowed at him, “You <em>still </em>would have insisted on doing it, even if we were still just friends.”</p><p>Tilting his head, Ben’s face appeared to be in agreement, “Well, let’s just call it a Ben perk.”</p><p>Rey sighed, “<em>Fiine</em>,” and he smiled before he kissed her again and set her down, “do these perks also include your penis or what?”</p><p>Ben pressed his crotch against her stomach, “Oh that’s the <em>biggest </em>perk.”</p><p>She snorted and shook her head, “Lucky me.”</p><p>His eyebrows wiggled with a smug grin, and he pressed his lips to hers before she could protest, “Want to order pizza or something for dinner? And maybe a few nice, friendly rounds of Mario Kart? I shouldn’t be too long.”</p><p>Rey nodded vigorously, “Yes, but…I am afraid that it’s <em>never </em>a friendly round of Mario Kart between us.”</p><p>He smiled, his fingers grazing her hair slightly, “No, but it is always <em>sexy</em>.”</p><p>Her mouth tipped into a devious smirk, “Well either way, the pizza and my vagina will be here waiting.”</p><p>Ben closed his eyes and bit his lip briefly, and then he was grabbing her face, slanting his mouth onto hers, “Rey perks are the <em>best</em>. I don’t even care what order they come in.”</p><p>She scrunched her nose up at him. Ben beamed down at her while she wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on the ends of her feet to whisper in his ear, “Then come home quickly, darling.”</p><p>His exhale was firm against her, and as he pulled away, he took both her hands and kissed her knuckles on each one.</p><p>And even though he wasn’t going to be gone for an extended amount of time, Rey still found herself watching his car leave. She smiled to herself and realized there were more perks to dating her than her ability to order food and her lady parts.</p><p>When he was finally out of sight, she found herself turning down the street in the direction of the bakery, so she could buy him some red velvet cupcakes.</p><p>Just because.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this a/n is gonna be lengthy.</p><p>It's hard not to come up with explanations and excuses as to why this took so long. I know that this sort of thing is completely normal, and really, the first long gap I've even had writing this fic, but for me, three months seems like an eternity. It was a combination of hitting a writing slump and also working on very necessary parts of my mental health. I kind of needed some space, so I hope that you guys are still with me.</p><p>Our bbies got a lot out this chapter huh? Rey is a dumb dumb, but we love her for it. She's such a simp for her Benani. Lol I feel like a youtuber, but let me know in the comments if you're team Finjamin or team Bennegan because I actually want to know who should win! 👇👇👇</p><p>Man, I've got to be honest with you guys and confess that a huge driving force of me writing this chapter and the whole idea for it would have to be <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzO3uccn4VY">this episode</a> of American Dad. I was just watching it in the background one day and I was like huh...that would be fun for everyone. I feel like me not being able to not do anything for a whole year is coming out in my writing y'all. Let the gang vicariously do what we cannot and actually have a good time ha ha. <s>My family and our Danish asses legit did that wine walk in Solvang every year rip</s></p><p>Quite a few of you reached out to me during this time, and I just want to thank you for your continued support and still believing in me when I didn't. Every single one of you coming here and reading this is what kept pushing me to actually finish this chapter 💕💕💕</p><p>I don't expect that the next chapter will have nearly as long as a wait, and I am sitting here trying to tell myself that taking time to write it how I want before I post it for you guys isn't a bad thing. And I am certain that all of you would tell me the same, so please tell that voice to stfu because we don't need that kind of negativity here. </p><p>Anyway guys, I genuinely missed you hope to see you soon! 😘</p><p><a href="https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a> and <a href="https://twitter.com/starsmyceiling">twitter</a>!</p><p>Also, if for some reason you missed it, I actually wrote a oneshot AU for ktbo in which Rey was actually the girl at that party where Ben goofs with his game (the story Poe told from the last chapter), but Rey is into it HEHEH, it's called “<a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048901">and in these smaller designs</a>.” If you haven't read, please go for it! (and if you do read it there's some nuggets in this chapter from it!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>